BikeSnobNYC's Blog, page 35
October 17, 2017
It Takes A Curmudgeon To Know A Curmudgeon
Yesterday I mentioned how a bunch of hurt-in-the-butt suspension bicycle owners on Facebook were aghast at my suggestion that it's possible to ride a rigid bike, (I guess your butt gets very sensitive when you coddle it with suspension all the time), and now it appears that Bicycling magazine's Facebook is under siege by a cadre of "bike industry farts:"
Upon which I cast my expertly critical eye and found to be basically sound, inasmuch as it's essentially a bunch of people from a bunch of bike shops offering their perspective on their customers:
Considering this is the same magazine that blew the lid off the poop doping phenomenon, I could find little to get upset about. Plus, I'd argue a "listicle" about how to shop in a bike shop is valid for two reasons:
1) Even in our age of kinder, gentler bike shops, walking into one can still be a stressful proposition. Indeed, even as a "bike industry fart" myself (or at least a bike media industry fart) I still feel the same way walking into a bike shop as I do when I go to the doctor in that I know I'm about to be shamed for something;
2) It's 2017 and everyone shops online now, so walking into an actual store is becoming positively archaic. It's the retail equivalent of installing tubulars, so in this sense alone a primer is probably warranted.
Evidently however the patriarchy does not share my opinion, and while I confess it's not productive to make inferences based solely on physical appearance I must say that I've never in my life seen four people who look more like they should be wearing helmet mirrors:
Anyway, as for the nature of their objections, they seemed to involve speculation about the current staff:
Tom Petrie Ray Keener, Bicycling (or, as I call it "11 ways to count to 10" because of their insufferable and incessant listicles) is hardly about bicycling. It appears mainly written by Manhattan-based eating-disordered non-cyclists who couldn't get a job at "Seventeen" magazine. With a few notable exceptions (e.g., Matt Phillips, Patrick Brady) it's an embarrassment. I recently unsubscribed. I couldn't take it any longer.
(Youv'e got to love the characterization of a magazine staff based in Emmaus, PA as a bunch of urban sophisticates.)
Distaste for the accompanying photo:
John S. Allen Just what is supportive of young females in bicycling about showing one in a jaw-droppingly stupid pose, grinding chain dirt into the armpit of her shirt? Emily O'Brien, what do you think of this please?
And accusations of ageism and reverse racism and sexism:
John Schubert Matt — you'd be surprised at how many grey-haired guys know useful information that 20-somethings don't know. Not all of us are here to defend our own egos.
And really, if sexism is wrong in discriminating against young women, it’s wrong in discriminating against old men.
Here’s a story about age and gender discrimination: Some years ago, I participated in a review of some bicycle facilities in New York. We found that one facility, if you obeyed the traffic signals, would only allow an average speed of six mph (and that’s in uncontested traffic conditions). That’s unlikely to generate much compliance with the signals. We found other stuff, good and bad. We reported on it.
So a few years after that, I found that some know-it-all had decided we were all irrelevant because we were old white guys. And published a picture of us, comparing it with a picture of Mia Birk of Alta Planning. And said how much greater Mia is, because she’s an attractive younger female, and we weren’t.
Birk is known for defending bicycle facilities that cause bicyclists to get crushed underneath turning trucks whose drivers never saw them. (Hint: Google “truck bicycle blind spot” for some important information.) Most of the people saying, “No, don’t build this crap” are old white guys.
But our viewpoints should be ignored, because we’re old and white.
All because of a short piece on how to walk into a bike shop and not act like a douchebag.
We are clearly living in extraordinarily petty times.
I mean sure, it's kind of a silly photo since nobody works on a bike with the chainring under their armpits:
But inasmuch as it's clearly a stock photo who really cares?
Plus, it doesn't really obviate anything in the story. Maybe if it was an article entitled "How To Work On Your Bike In The Proper Fashion And Without Getting Grease In Your Armpit" then the outrage would be warranted.
Anyway, as someone who has spent most of his blogging career mocking the behavior of people younger than him, I can assure that it's best to surrender to the younger generation before you devolve completely into Old Man Yelling At Cloud:*
*(Unless you happen to have my razor sharp wit and finely honed writing skills, of course, but how many people do?)
None of this precludes sharing with people the benefit of your experience, but by the time you've had a colonoscopy you should probably learn to temper that with a bit of open-mindedness, because apart from a few absolute truths our culture is fluid, and if you don't learn how to flow along with it you're nothing but a stick in the mud.
Hey, that's not to say I don't make fun of listicles, because I totally do:
And while we're on the subject of bike storage, I should mention that the only bike I store inside is my Brompton, but only because when folded it is roughly the size of a large cat. This is because I hate living with bikes inside my home almost as much as I hate living with my cat--and believe me, when it comes to keeping bikes inside I've paid my dues. Yep, I've done it all:
--Bike right inside the door leaning against the wall;
--Bike hanging off wall hook;
--Bike hanging from ceiling hook;
--Bike outside in common area causing fire hazard;
--Bike assuming pride of place beneath mantel during that brief period when I had a mantel.
At my absolute worst I not only had bikes both on hooks and leaning against wall, but I also had an off-site storage unit and was withdrawing and depositing bicycles on a seasonal basis. Storage space is by far the dumbest thing in the world you can buy, because you will never, ever get rid of it. If you're thinking of renting a storage space do yourself a favor and take up smoking instead, it's much easier to kick.
And now you have the benefit of my considerable years. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna toss my bike under my armpit and service the drivetrain.
A+ thread in which @BicyclingMag editors from Reagan years and bike industry farts articulate sexism & cluelessnesshttps://t.co/6M0aMLao3U pic.twitter.com/NEOSuF19xk— Peter Flax (@Pflax1) October 16, 2017Evidently these are the "bike industry farts" in question:
To sum up the exciting Facebook spat over @BicyclingMag: These longtime cycling experts . . . pic.twitter.com/mk95gbQdsg— Bill Strickland (@TrueBS) October 17, 2017And these are the Bicycling staffers moving the magazine and society forward:
. . . disagree with the direction these fresh cycling voices are going pic.twitter.com/poJwNMreMX— Bill Strickland (@TrueBS) October 17, 2017Anyway, picking your way through Facebook comments is about as pleasant as pulling thorns out of your scranus after falling into a briar patch, but as far as I can tell what happened was the farts took issue with this article:
Upon which I cast my expertly critical eye and found to be basically sound, inasmuch as it's essentially a bunch of people from a bunch of bike shops offering their perspective on their customers:
Considering this is the same magazine that blew the lid off the poop doping phenomenon, I could find little to get upset about. Plus, I'd argue a "listicle" about how to shop in a bike shop is valid for two reasons:
1) Even in our age of kinder, gentler bike shops, walking into one can still be a stressful proposition. Indeed, even as a "bike industry fart" myself (or at least a bike media industry fart) I still feel the same way walking into a bike shop as I do when I go to the doctor in that I know I'm about to be shamed for something;
2) It's 2017 and everyone shops online now, so walking into an actual store is becoming positively archaic. It's the retail equivalent of installing tubulars, so in this sense alone a primer is probably warranted.
Evidently however the patriarchy does not share my opinion, and while I confess it's not productive to make inferences based solely on physical appearance I must say that I've never in my life seen four people who look more like they should be wearing helmet mirrors:
Anyway, as for the nature of their objections, they seemed to involve speculation about the current staff:
Tom Petrie Ray Keener, Bicycling (or, as I call it "11 ways to count to 10" because of their insufferable and incessant listicles) is hardly about bicycling. It appears mainly written by Manhattan-based eating-disordered non-cyclists who couldn't get a job at "Seventeen" magazine. With a few notable exceptions (e.g., Matt Phillips, Patrick Brady) it's an embarrassment. I recently unsubscribed. I couldn't take it any longer.
(Youv'e got to love the characterization of a magazine staff based in Emmaus, PA as a bunch of urban sophisticates.)
Distaste for the accompanying photo:
John S. Allen Just what is supportive of young females in bicycling about showing one in a jaw-droppingly stupid pose, grinding chain dirt into the armpit of her shirt? Emily O'Brien, what do you think of this please?
And accusations of ageism and reverse racism and sexism:
John Schubert Matt — you'd be surprised at how many grey-haired guys know useful information that 20-somethings don't know. Not all of us are here to defend our own egos.
And really, if sexism is wrong in discriminating against young women, it’s wrong in discriminating against old men.
Here’s a story about age and gender discrimination: Some years ago, I participated in a review of some bicycle facilities in New York. We found that one facility, if you obeyed the traffic signals, would only allow an average speed of six mph (and that’s in uncontested traffic conditions). That’s unlikely to generate much compliance with the signals. We found other stuff, good and bad. We reported on it.
So a few years after that, I found that some know-it-all had decided we were all irrelevant because we were old white guys. And published a picture of us, comparing it with a picture of Mia Birk of Alta Planning. And said how much greater Mia is, because she’s an attractive younger female, and we weren’t.
Birk is known for defending bicycle facilities that cause bicyclists to get crushed underneath turning trucks whose drivers never saw them. (Hint: Google “truck bicycle blind spot” for some important information.) Most of the people saying, “No, don’t build this crap” are old white guys.
But our viewpoints should be ignored, because we’re old and white.
All because of a short piece on how to walk into a bike shop and not act like a douchebag.
We are clearly living in extraordinarily petty times.
I mean sure, it's kind of a silly photo since nobody works on a bike with the chainring under their armpits:
But inasmuch as it's clearly a stock photo who really cares?
Plus, it doesn't really obviate anything in the story. Maybe if it was an article entitled "How To Work On Your Bike In The Proper Fashion And Without Getting Grease In Your Armpit" then the outrage would be warranted.
Anyway, as someone who has spent most of his blogging career mocking the behavior of people younger than him, I can assure that it's best to surrender to the younger generation before you devolve completely into Old Man Yelling At Cloud:*
*(Unless you happen to have my razor sharp wit and finely honed writing skills, of course, but how many people do?)
None of this precludes sharing with people the benefit of your experience, but by the time you've had a colonoscopy you should probably learn to temper that with a bit of open-mindedness, because apart from a few absolute truths our culture is fluid, and if you don't learn how to flow along with it you're nothing but a stick in the mud.
Hey, that's not to say I don't make fun of listicles, because I totally do:
1. Open doorThen again I also write my share listicles so I feel perfectly entitled.
2. Roll bike in
3. Close doorhttps://t.co/Ga3WR6xtxZ— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) October 17, 2017
And while we're on the subject of bike storage, I should mention that the only bike I store inside is my Brompton, but only because when folded it is roughly the size of a large cat. This is because I hate living with bikes inside my home almost as much as I hate living with my cat--and believe me, when it comes to keeping bikes inside I've paid my dues. Yep, I've done it all:
--Bike right inside the door leaning against the wall;
--Bike hanging off wall hook;
--Bike hanging from ceiling hook;
--Bike outside in common area causing fire hazard;
--Bike assuming pride of place beneath mantel during that brief period when I had a mantel.
At my absolute worst I not only had bikes both on hooks and leaning against wall, but I also had an off-site storage unit and was withdrawing and depositing bicycles on a seasonal basis. Storage space is by far the dumbest thing in the world you can buy, because you will never, ever get rid of it. If you're thinking of renting a storage space do yourself a favor and take up smoking instead, it's much easier to kick.
And now you have the benefit of my considerable years. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna toss my bike under my armpit and service the drivetrain.
October 16, 2017
Guilty Pleasures
Life can be overwhelming, and at one point or another we all feel ourselves buckling under the crushing weight of work and responsibility. Add to that a few dispiriting news stories and it's enough to stop you dead in your tracks. That's why it's important to indulge yourself in a guilty pleasure every now and again, and some of my favorites these days include eating ice cream and crying, crying, and watching TV while eating ice cream and crying.
But I'm extremely fortunate that my most favoritest of guilty pleasures is also part of my job as a semi-professional bike blogger, and it it this:
Riling up the readers of Outside magazine.
By the way, note that I said "riling up" and not "trolling," since it's an important distinction. See, trolling implies saying something that has no redeeming value just for the sake of upsetting people, but what I write for Outside does in fact have redeeming value because it's expertly curated artisanal content and it will only upset you if you're full of shit or stupid or both. Consider my last column:
It's clear to the thinking person from the title alone that some hyperbole is about to follow, and if you missed that then there's the subtitle to really drive it home:
Why it will destroy cycling, society, and the planet if we let it
It should also be doubly clear within the context of our time, because while both the title and the subtitle may be objectively true of, say, our president, they are obviously not true of, say, a squishy fork. And of course, anybody with any sense could tell the point of the article is that rigid bikes can be lots of fun and that the prevailing notion that you need suspension at all times is simply not the case. Nevertheless, just as I knew they would, the "adults who play with toys" demographic got all hurt in their butts on Outside's Facebook page and it was a joy to read:
Brian, you sound like kind of a putz, so by all means don't wait up. And Mike, what's wrong with having a 1997 Gary Fisher? Anybody still riding a 20 year-old bike is awesome. Thanks for the tech advice on the lockout though, I'll totally get rid of my rigid bike and start riding a locked-out suspension bike isntead.
Another common type of angry bike commenter is the frustrated tech weenie:
You do realize Outside pick the photos, right? Spoiler alert: I didn't choose the font either.
And then there's always the person who wants to dismiss everything as youthful folly:
Nope. Wrong, Paul.
Also, you're the one using emojis.
In any case, all of this proves something I've always believed, which is that when it comes to being simpering gear weenies the Mountain Bike Freds (or "Barneys") are a thousand times worse than the roadies.
Speaking of everything that's wrong with society, you may have heard about that bike lane protest in Minneapolis, but if not you can read more about it over on the Bike Forecast:
You'll want to click here once you have.
Meanwhile, up in America's Ceremonial Head Covering, an Ottawa driver has some damning evidence indeed that cyclists are profoundly reckless. Here's the description:
This was shot from my dashcam near Algonquin College and is why I believe fine for bicyclists should be twice that of an automobile driver.
And here's the shocking video:
Cover your eyes in horror, but peek through your fingers as at 28 seconds a cyclist with panniers rides slowly through an empty intersection:
Seems to me the most dangerous moment in the video was when the driver yelled at him.
But I'm extremely fortunate that my most favoritest of guilty pleasures is also part of my job as a semi-professional bike blogger, and it it this:
Riling up the readers of Outside magazine.
By the way, note that I said "riling up" and not "trolling," since it's an important distinction. See, trolling implies saying something that has no redeeming value just for the sake of upsetting people, but what I write for Outside does in fact have redeeming value because it's expertly curated artisanal content and it will only upset you if you're full of shit or stupid or both. Consider my last column:
It's clear to the thinking person from the title alone that some hyperbole is about to follow, and if you missed that then there's the subtitle to really drive it home:
Why it will destroy cycling, society, and the planet if we let it
It should also be doubly clear within the context of our time, because while both the title and the subtitle may be objectively true of, say, our president, they are obviously not true of, say, a squishy fork. And of course, anybody with any sense could tell the point of the article is that rigid bikes can be lots of fun and that the prevailing notion that you need suspension at all times is simply not the case. Nevertheless, just as I knew they would, the "adults who play with toys" demographic got all hurt in their butts on Outside's Facebook page and it was a joy to read:
Brian, you sound like kind of a putz, so by all means don't wait up. And Mike, what's wrong with having a 1997 Gary Fisher? Anybody still riding a 20 year-old bike is awesome. Thanks for the tech advice on the lockout though, I'll totally get rid of my rigid bike and start riding a locked-out suspension bike isntead.
Another common type of angry bike commenter is the frustrated tech weenie:
You do realize Outside pick the photos, right? Spoiler alert: I didn't choose the font either.
And then there's always the person who wants to dismiss everything as youthful folly:
Nope. Wrong, Paul.Also, you're the one using emojis.
In any case, all of this proves something I've always believed, which is that when it comes to being simpering gear weenies the Mountain Bike Freds (or "Barneys") are a thousand times worse than the roadies.
Speaking of everything that's wrong with society, you may have heard about that bike lane protest in Minneapolis, but if not you can read more about it over on the Bike Forecast:
You'll want to click here once you have.
Meanwhile, up in America's Ceremonial Head Covering, an Ottawa driver has some damning evidence indeed that cyclists are profoundly reckless. Here's the description:
This was shot from my dashcam near Algonquin College and is why I believe fine for bicyclists should be twice that of an automobile driver.
And here's the shocking video:
Cover your eyes in horror, but peek through your fingers as at 28 seconds a cyclist with panniers rides slowly through an empty intersection:
Seems to me the most dangerous moment in the video was when the driver yelled at him.
October 13, 2017
BSNYC Friday Self-Promotion!
Sorry I'm late, a short ride may have happened:
I really like that bike. There's really not much you can't do on a metal bike with medium reach rim brakes. (Or "rime breaks" in Craigslist.) Also, if you live in New York City, here's the secret to happiness:
1) Easy access to the subway;
2) Easy access to a 20-mile loop that doesn't involve laps.
Everything else is gravy.
Anyway, with the weekend upon us I won't keep you for long, but firstly here's the latest installment in my ongoing attempt to foment anger and unrest among the gear-obsessed readers of Outside:
It's only been a few minutes now but I'm pleased to see it's already having the desired effect:
And if that's not enough for you, here's a little spin I took in Astoria, Queens recently and wrote up for the Citi Bike site:
For the record, "Tour De Queens" was not my title as I generally try to avoid the whole "Tour de [Blank]" thing. Of course, it's still a much better title than "Putting the 'Ass' in Astoria," which is the sort of inanity I'm liable to come up with if left to my own devices. So there you go.
So with that I'm now going to leave you to your own devices, and I'll see you back here on Monday. Enjoy the weekend, ride safe, and may your tire pressure be eternally optimal.
I love you,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
I really like that bike. There's really not much you can't do on a metal bike with medium reach rim brakes. (Or "rime breaks" in Craigslist.) Also, if you live in New York City, here's the secret to happiness:
1) Easy access to the subway;
2) Easy access to a 20-mile loop that doesn't involve laps.
Everything else is gravy.
Anyway, with the weekend upon us I won't keep you for long, but firstly here's the latest installment in my ongoing attempt to foment anger and unrest among the gear-obsessed readers of Outside:
It's only been a few minutes now but I'm pleased to see it's already having the desired effect:
this is a dumb take. https://t.co/1Kj5aaTxSd— Jen See (@iamjensee) October 13, 2017Whatever you say.
And if that's not enough for you, here's a little spin I took in Astoria, Queens recently and wrote up for the Citi Bike site:
For the record, "Tour De Queens" was not my title as I generally try to avoid the whole "Tour de [Blank]" thing. Of course, it's still a much better title than "Putting the 'Ass' in Astoria," which is the sort of inanity I'm liable to come up with if left to my own devices. So there you go.
So with that I'm now going to leave you to your own devices, and I'll see you back here on Monday. Enjoy the weekend, ride safe, and may your tire pressure be eternally optimal.
I love you,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
October 12, 2017
Wait, it's not Wednesday today? Are you sure?
Well, with more cyclists than ever taking to the streets the Wall Street Journal wants to remind us all that whatever happens to us is our fault, and you can read all about it in the Bike Forecast:
I've since gotten the text of the accompanying article, and guess what it's fixated on?
Dr. Cook bikes to work from a Boston suburb, he says, enlisting a helmet, flashing lights and “obnoxiously” bright clothing to stay safe. He thinks Boston has tried to make cycling safe but worries about what lies ahead. Last year, at his initiative, Beth Israel Deaconess hosted a Bike Safety Day, where he and other trauma surgeons buttonholed people entering or leaving the hospital, handed out flashing reflectors and emphasized measures such as wearing a helmet and being visible while cycling.
Fun foam party hats and flashing lights for everybody!!!
But of course it's a cycling article, so it doesn't have to be accurate:
Speaking of accessories, here's a nifty one I saw on the Kickstarter:
I also found the scranial heat cam highly convincing:
Of course this is not strictly speaking a full fender, and it does leave a void in the bicycle's scranial region:
Yes, bicycles do have scranuses:
Nevertheless, it does look rather handy, and potentially quite a bit tidier than other clip-on fender solutions, like the ones I've been using out of laziness:
Oh, and I suppose you noticed I've got a little extra slack in my chain. Well, here's what happened: since putting this bike together maybe five or so years ago and traveling the world with it I've done virtually nothing in the way of maintenance save for changing the brake pads and squirting some lube on the chain. I've also never cleaned any part of it. Well, last time I went to ride it I noticed some stiff links (okay, a lot of stiff links), at which point I did what any sensible person would do, which is to squirt lube onto them until the chain passed through the derailleur again.
Did I have a perfectly good chain sitting in a drawer as I did this?
Yes.
Did I want to spend the extra five minutes it would have taken to install it?
Emphatically no.
Anyway, all was well until a few blocks into my ride, at which point I started up again at a green light and SNAP!
While not entirely unexpected I was nevertheless surprised, but fortunately my scranus was spared a high-velocity encounter with my top tube. This I attribute in part to my expert bike-handling skills, and also to the fact that I was using flat pedals, and so I was spared the indignity of a sudden release. Anyway, after the chain ass-ploded I removed the broken link and reattached it, and you'd better believe I'd have called it good indefinitely if in the process I didn't notice at least one other cracked link waiting for a second scranial assassination attempt.
Therefore, at my earliest opportunity I stopped at a bike shop and purchased and installed a new chain, and all was once again right with the world--until the next thing breaks, which given the state of that bike could be absolutely anything:
I'm quite fortunate the chain didn't decide to break the day I took the bike to the mountain bike trails.
Moving on, a reader has forwarded me more evidence that the bicycle is humanity's savior:
Charity Ruiz, her husband and two daughters were leaving their Coffey Park neighborhood by car when they were stopped by the exodus of neighbors also trying to leave the area.
Panicked by the flames, Ruiz instead decided to instead use a bicycle to get out of the area. She used a family bicycle hooked up to a toddler trailer to get her two children out, with Ruiz pedaling — despite being due the following week.
Amazing.
If you needed proof that Americans are not fit for survival consider that when confronted with calamity the very first thing we do is get in our cars and drive. This generally has two outcomes: 1) We sit in traffic with all the other schmucks; 2) Whatever the calamity is soon engulfs us:
Certainly in New York we've weathered everything from transit strikes to blackouts to hurricanes to terror attacks, and in each and every case the bicycle has proved itself indispensable:
There is only one downside, which is that it's only a matter of time before disaster tourist Lucas Brunelle "drops" a video of himself riding through the smoke and flames of Napa and Sonoma:
"Sizzle reel" indeed.
I've since gotten the text of the accompanying article, and guess what it's fixated on?
Dr. Cook bikes to work from a Boston suburb, he says, enlisting a helmet, flashing lights and “obnoxiously” bright clothing to stay safe. He thinks Boston has tried to make cycling safe but worries about what lies ahead. Last year, at his initiative, Beth Israel Deaconess hosted a Bike Safety Day, where he and other trauma surgeons buttonholed people entering or leaving the hospital, handed out flashing reflectors and emphasized measures such as wearing a helmet and being visible while cycling.
Fun foam party hats and flashing lights for everybody!!!
But of course it's a cycling article, so it doesn't have to be accurate:
An article about cycling & health which quotes emergency docs but no epidemiologists is largely missing the point https://t.co/Ckb4360X05— Peter Walker (@peterwalker99) October 12, 2017This is not to debate the efficacy of helmets, far from it. Indeed, I'd argue that it's the most effective tool ever devised for the suppression of cycling. Wearing one's just inconvenient enough for most people not to wanna bother, so when you factor in all the shaming it's not surprising that so many people ultimately arrive at the same conclusion:
Speaking of accessories, here's a nifty one I saw on the Kickstarter:
I also found the scranial heat cam highly convincing:
Of course this is not strictly speaking a full fender, and it does leave a void in the bicycle's scranial region:
Yes, bicycles do have scranuses:
Nevertheless, it does look rather handy, and potentially quite a bit tidier than other clip-on fender solutions, like the ones I've been using out of laziness:
Oh, and I suppose you noticed I've got a little extra slack in my chain. Well, here's what happened: since putting this bike together maybe five or so years ago and traveling the world with it I've done virtually nothing in the way of maintenance save for changing the brake pads and squirting some lube on the chain. I've also never cleaned any part of it. Well, last time I went to ride it I noticed some stiff links (okay, a lot of stiff links), at which point I did what any sensible person would do, which is to squirt lube onto them until the chain passed through the derailleur again.
Did I have a perfectly good chain sitting in a drawer as I did this?
Yes.
Did I want to spend the extra five minutes it would have taken to install it?
Emphatically no.
Anyway, all was well until a few blocks into my ride, at which point I started up again at a green light and SNAP!
While not entirely unexpected I was nevertheless surprised, but fortunately my scranus was spared a high-velocity encounter with my top tube. This I attribute in part to my expert bike-handling skills, and also to the fact that I was using flat pedals, and so I was spared the indignity of a sudden release. Anyway, after the chain ass-ploded I removed the broken link and reattached it, and you'd better believe I'd have called it good indefinitely if in the process I didn't notice at least one other cracked link waiting for a second scranial assassination attempt.
Therefore, at my earliest opportunity I stopped at a bike shop and purchased and installed a new chain, and all was once again right with the world--until the next thing breaks, which given the state of that bike could be absolutely anything:
I'm quite fortunate the chain didn't decide to break the day I took the bike to the mountain bike trails.
Moving on, a reader has forwarded me more evidence that the bicycle is humanity's savior:
Charity Ruiz, her husband and two daughters were leaving their Coffey Park neighborhood by car when they were stopped by the exodus of neighbors also trying to leave the area.
Panicked by the flames, Ruiz instead decided to instead use a bicycle to get out of the area. She used a family bicycle hooked up to a toddler trailer to get her two children out, with Ruiz pedaling — despite being due the following week.
Amazing.
If you needed proof that Americans are not fit for survival consider that when confronted with calamity the very first thing we do is get in our cars and drive. This generally has two outcomes: 1) We sit in traffic with all the other schmucks; 2) Whatever the calamity is soon engulfs us:
Certainly in New York we've weathered everything from transit strikes to blackouts to hurricanes to terror attacks, and in each and every case the bicycle has proved itself indispensable:
There is only one downside, which is that it's only a matter of time before disaster tourist Lucas Brunelle "drops" a video of himself riding through the smoke and flames of Napa and Sonoma:
"Sizzle reel" indeed.
October 11, 2017
Sorry I'm Late, I Made a Wrong Turn At Albuquerque
Actually, that's not true, I've been busy trying to get rid of this car:
If it's not gone by Friday you will find me crucified on the hood in an act of protest.
Moving on, the New York Times tends to arrive fashionably late when it comes to reporting on cultural trends, but here's a case in which a semi-professional bike blogger scooped them by a decade:
That's right, my first mention of the disembodied hand phenomenon was almost exactly ten (10) years ago, when I brought forth this post in a burst of creative genius:
That's some impressive cutting-and-pasting, I'm sure you will agree:
Subsequently I made it my life's mission to report on disembodied hands wherever and whenever they might appear:
And boy did they ever:
And yes, Fixedgeargallery is still going strong, and it's just as you remember it:
This sort of bicycle no longer inspires any sort of emotion in me whatsoever, which means either I've matured or else I'm dead inside.
Actually I think maturity is dying inside, so there you go.
In other news, here's something that's not at all funny in any way:
That's terrible to see, and here's hoping he gets the home studio back online soon:
Finally, we've been talking about vehicular cycling recently, and here's a single tweet that illustrates perfectly why it's not the way forward:
That's just plain offensive. It's like saying the best protections when attending an outdoor concert are a bulletproof vest and running in a serpentine fashion. Pair that with this "Bicycle Safety Awareness Video" and you kind of wish they'd be honest and tell you they really want you to ditch the bike altogether and go lease a Hyundai:
Have you ever notice that people talk about helmets exactly the way they talk about Jesus?
"There's no question in my mind the helmet saved my life."
Maybe it did or maybe it didn't, but here's the American approach to cycling: take everything that actually needs to be done to make cycling work, sublimate it into a bunch of EPS foam, press it into a hat shape, and tell people to wear it.
Done, and done.
Actually, I think if we replace Obamacare with Jesus and infrastructure with helmets the current presidential administration will have accomplished pretty much all of its goals.
The video's final message?
"I would never consider riding out of my driveway without a helmet on. Now I ask for all cyclists everywhere always to wear a helmet."
That's just no way to live.
If it's not gone by Friday you will find me crucified on the hood in an act of protest.
Moving on, the New York Times tends to arrive fashionably late when it comes to reporting on cultural trends, but here's a case in which a semi-professional bike blogger scooped them by a decade:
Of course, @bikesnobnyc was onto this a long time ago: The Hand Has Its Social Media Moment https://t.co/g8WClCqrEQ— Matt Shaw (@_MattShaw) October 11, 2017
That's right, my first mention of the disembodied hand phenomenon was almost exactly ten (10) years ago, when I brought forth this post in a burst of creative genius:
That's some impressive cutting-and-pasting, I'm sure you will agree:
Subsequently I made it my life's mission to report on disembodied hands wherever and whenever they might appear:
And boy did they ever:
And yes, Fixedgeargallery is still going strong, and it's just as you remember it:
This sort of bicycle no longer inspires any sort of emotion in me whatsoever, which means either I've matured or else I'm dead inside.
Actually I think maturity is dying inside, so there you go.
In other news, here's something that's not at all funny in any way:
I lost my house but not my home here in Sonoma County. We WILL make it through this.A post shared by Levi Leipheimer (@levileipheimer) on Oct 10, 2017 at 11:29am PDT
That's terrible to see, and here's hoping he gets the home studio back online soon:
Finally, we've been talking about vehicular cycling recently, and here's a single tweet that illustrates perfectly why it's not the way forward:
The two best protections when biking to and from school are a properly fitted bicycle helmet and obeying traffic safety rules. pic.twitter.com/lNHz1GdR4J— NHTSA (@NHTSAgov) August 22, 2017
That's just plain offensive. It's like saying the best protections when attending an outdoor concert are a bulletproof vest and running in a serpentine fashion. Pair that with this "Bicycle Safety Awareness Video" and you kind of wish they'd be honest and tell you they really want you to ditch the bike altogether and go lease a Hyundai:
Have you ever notice that people talk about helmets exactly the way they talk about Jesus?
"There's no question in my mind the helmet saved my life."
Maybe it did or maybe it didn't, but here's the American approach to cycling: take everything that actually needs to be done to make cycling work, sublimate it into a bunch of EPS foam, press it into a hat shape, and tell people to wear it.
Done, and done.
Actually, I think if we replace Obamacare with Jesus and infrastructure with helmets the current presidential administration will have accomplished pretty much all of its goals.
The video's final message?
"I would never consider riding out of my driveway without a helmet on. Now I ask for all cyclists everywhere always to wear a helmet."
That's just no way to live.
October 10, 2017
This Just In: New Outside, and more!
Firstly, I've got a new Outside column:
It's all about how you should never carry more than one water bottle and how gooey energy food is stupid.
Also, in Thursday's post I had the nerve to poke fun at a 1970s cycling technique video:
Seems to me that if anything remains fair game for laughs in this world it should be dated helmet technology, but somehow I managed to instill the ire of a small handful of John Forester drones, who in their characteristically robotic fashion left comment after comment about the evils of bicycle infrastructure.
Now, granted, we've come a long way in 40 years, all the way from this:
To this:
Oh, wait, no we haven't. Actually the only difference is all the drivers have airbags now.
Of course nobody would argue that cycling skills aren't crucial. However, it's absurd to say that we don't need bike infrastructure going forward. There's nothing abstract about it either, the evidence is right in your face. Nobody can point to a cycling paradise built on a foundation of confident lane-taking and a complete absence of bicycle infrastructure, but you can point to this:
Groningen: The World's Cycling City from STREETFILMS on Vimeo.
Basically you've got your flat earthers:
And then you've got your pictures from space:
Hey, you wanna ride around in a neon vest and a helmet like you're about to fall of the edge of the world then fine, but don't screw it up for the rest of us.
Finally, a craven thief has left a bike shop without a prized memento:
The thief? Some sort of rogue ska enthusiast, apparently:
Just leave out a Lambretta with a key in the ignition and a Fred Perry shirt neatly folded on the saddle and hide behind a bush with a net.
It's all about how you should never carry more than one water bottle and how gooey energy food is stupid.
Also, in Thursday's post I had the nerve to poke fun at a 1970s cycling technique video:
Seems to me that if anything remains fair game for laughs in this world it should be dated helmet technology, but somehow I managed to instill the ire of a small handful of John Forester drones, who in their characteristically robotic fashion left comment after comment about the evils of bicycle infrastructure.
Now, granted, we've come a long way in 40 years, all the way from this:
To this:
Oh, wait, no we haven't. Actually the only difference is all the drivers have airbags now.
Of course nobody would argue that cycling skills aren't crucial. However, it's absurd to say that we don't need bike infrastructure going forward. There's nothing abstract about it either, the evidence is right in your face. Nobody can point to a cycling paradise built on a foundation of confident lane-taking and a complete absence of bicycle infrastructure, but you can point to this:
Groningen: The World's Cycling City from STREETFILMS on Vimeo.
Basically you've got your flat earthers:
And then you've got your pictures from space:
Hey, you wanna ride around in a neon vest and a helmet like you're about to fall of the edge of the world then fine, but don't screw it up for the rest of us.
Finally, a craven thief has left a bike shop without a prized memento:
signed world champ @petosagan helmet stolen from NJ bike shop. Can you help ID the thief? https://t.co/4dLrTtHzov— Bill Strickland (@TrueBS) October 10, 2017
The thief? Some sort of rogue ska enthusiast, apparently:
Person of Serious Interest ! This ASS! STOLE A PETER SAGAN signed world CHAMP helmet! From our memory wall shared to ALL! PLEASE SHARE . ALL I WANT IS THIS HELMET BACK! SHARE SHARE SHARE #sworkssagan #stolen #stolenpetersaganhelmetA post shared by Nelson Gutierrez (@nelsonstrictly) on Oct 9, 2017 at 6:19am PDT
Just leave out a Lambretta with a key in the ignition and a Fred Perry shirt neatly folded on the saddle and hide behind a bush with a net.
October 6, 2017
Long Weekends Result In More Stable Handling
Go ahead and put your pencils away, because instead of administering a quiz I'm dismissing you all early.
You're welcome.
Also, Monday is Columbus Day, which is still a thing despite all the imperialist implications as well as Columbus's unsettlingly long index finger:
Yes, even in New York City the schools will be closed, though there has been talk of rebranding the holiday as Index Finger Day:
By the way, here's a fun fact:
It has been suggested by some scientists that the ratio of two digits in particular, the 2nd (index finger) and 4th (ring finger), is affected by exposure to androgens, e.g., testosterone while in the uterus and that this 2D:4D ratio can be considered a crude measure for prenatal androgen exposure, with lower 2D:4D ratios pointing to higher prenatal androgen exposure.
I have no idea why any of this matters.
But I bet Columbus was a regular riot at parties:
Anyway, the upshot of all this is that I won't be posting on Monday because I'll be overrun with children, but I will return on Tuesday, October 10th with regular updates.
Please note that I will update the Bike Forecast on Monday, and if you're local today's post includes some important updates about work on the George Washington Bridge as well as the Fred haven that is Nyack, so be sure to visit before making your weekend riding plans.
Oh, and if an Outside column should materialize between now and Tuesday of course I'll pop in here to let you know. In the meantime, if you haven't ridden my piercing insights on the subject of cylcocross you owe it to yourself to do so:
I figured everyone would call my on my usual BS, but even Tim Johnson said a nice thing about it, and so I live to bloviate another day:
I love you,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
You're welcome.
Also, Monday is Columbus Day, which is still a thing despite all the imperialist implications as well as Columbus's unsettlingly long index finger:
Yes, even in New York City the schools will be closed, though there has been talk of rebranding the holiday as Index Finger Day:
By the way, here's a fun fact:
It has been suggested by some scientists that the ratio of two digits in particular, the 2nd (index finger) and 4th (ring finger), is affected by exposure to androgens, e.g., testosterone while in the uterus and that this 2D:4D ratio can be considered a crude measure for prenatal androgen exposure, with lower 2D:4D ratios pointing to higher prenatal androgen exposure.
I have no idea why any of this matters.
But I bet Columbus was a regular riot at parties:
Anyway, the upshot of all this is that I won't be posting on Monday because I'll be overrun with children, but I will return on Tuesday, October 10th with regular updates.
Please note that I will update the Bike Forecast on Monday, and if you're local today's post includes some important updates about work on the George Washington Bridge as well as the Fred haven that is Nyack, so be sure to visit before making your weekend riding plans.
Oh, and if an Outside column should materialize between now and Tuesday of course I'll pop in here to let you know. In the meantime, if you haven't ridden my piercing insights on the subject of cylcocross you owe it to yourself to do so:
I figured everyone would call my on my usual BS, but even Tim Johnson said a nice thing about it, and so I live to bloviate another day:
Saving. 100%Anyway, enjoy the weekend, ride safe, and I'll see you here Tuesday if not before.
(also, nice piece @bikesnobnyc) https://t.co/eMbOq7Dp31— Tim Johnson (@timjohnsoncx) October 3, 2017
I love you,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
October 5, 2017
The Joy of Vehicular Cycling
John Forester is a controversial figure in the world of bicycle advocacy. Forester said that "cyclists fare best when they act and are treated as drivers of vehicles," and he was against the idea of separate facilities because be believed it was safer to pretend that you're a Lincoln Continental. While this view has more or less fallen out of favor as the very existence of places like Amsterdam and Copenhagen totally disprove it, certainly some of his wildly anal retentive cycling advice remains useful in the context of streets that are still for the most part dominated by drivers. In any case, I recently came across this video he made back in the 1970s, and it's certainly a fascinating product of its time:
Of course it's also a long video you probably don't have time to watch, so I've gone ahead and summarized it for you. Basically, it's all about how to be a good He-Fred:
(I'm 90% certain that's Anthony Weiner)
Or She-Fred:
Spoiler alert: ride on the right side of the road with a salad bowl on your head, unless the lane is narrow, in which case you are supposed to take it:
Granted, taking the lane is almost certain to enrage the driver behind you, but in a vacuum free from human emotion I suppose its sensible advice.
Before riding, always make sure your outfit is amazing:
He looks like he's going to work on a disco oil rig.
Also, the rider who makes the yellow light:
Shall be awarded the maillot jaune:
The salad bowl may be foregone if the rider is wearing jorts:
Jorts should be worn with rugby shirts at all times, and the hem of the jort when measured along the inner thigh must be no more than one inch lower than the lowest point of the scrotum or labia:
(♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ "Yeah I'm free...free-ballin'..."--Tom Petty (RIP)♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ )
When turning, furl and unfurl a yo-yo several times to signal your intention to drivers:
Use red for left, green for right, and purple for stop. Always keep a full complement of yo-yos in your voluminous handlebar bag:
When riding two abreast, the rider with the taller headtube should always position himself on the right:
Though he should move to the rear when riding single file:
This ensures both riders will be visible to motorists in their rear-view mirrors.
When riding near a Ford Pinto, always maintain a distance of at least 100 feet, or else wear flame-retardant polyester shirt and trousers:
This is because the vehicle is likely to explode:
If the Pinto does burst into flames, make every attempt to smother the blaze with your polyester suit so as to minimize the risk to other motorists.
Take special care when riding behind earthen tone trucks:
As they are often made of the marihuana:
This can result in intoxication and strange fashion choices:
When commuting to work, note that the yellow line always leads right to the porno movie set:
On-the-bike Kegel exercises can increase performance on the set:
As well as stopping power on the bike:
Though sudden release of the pelvic floor muscles can result in a phenomenon known as scranial or vulvanial ejection:
In the event of a crash, always have the foresight to place a tiny cushion on the road surface to break your fall:
When riding in a group, utilize a double paceline, ensure a 50/50 gender balance, and make sure your group contains at least one (1) beard:
It shall be the bearded rider's responsibility to order the slowest member of the group into the hole:
Said rider shall go willingly into the hole, never to be seen or heard from again:
Most importantly, all rides shall be orderly and joyless:
The end.
Moving back to the present, here's a rather dubious Kickstarter:
Yes, given recent events, I can't think of a better design for a bag than one that looks exactly like a gun holster:
What could possibly go wrong?
Of course it's also a long video you probably don't have time to watch, so I've gone ahead and summarized it for you. Basically, it's all about how to be a good He-Fred:
(I'm 90% certain that's Anthony Weiner)
Or She-Fred:
Spoiler alert: ride on the right side of the road with a salad bowl on your head, unless the lane is narrow, in which case you are supposed to take it:
Granted, taking the lane is almost certain to enrage the driver behind you, but in a vacuum free from human emotion I suppose its sensible advice.
Before riding, always make sure your outfit is amazing:
He looks like he's going to work on a disco oil rig.
Also, the rider who makes the yellow light:
Shall be awarded the maillot jaune:
The salad bowl may be foregone if the rider is wearing jorts:
Jorts should be worn with rugby shirts at all times, and the hem of the jort when measured along the inner thigh must be no more than one inch lower than the lowest point of the scrotum or labia:
(♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ "Yeah I'm free...free-ballin'..."--Tom Petty (RIP)♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ )
When turning, furl and unfurl a yo-yo several times to signal your intention to drivers:
Use red for left, green for right, and purple for stop. Always keep a full complement of yo-yos in your voluminous handlebar bag:
When riding two abreast, the rider with the taller headtube should always position himself on the right:
Though he should move to the rear when riding single file:
This ensures both riders will be visible to motorists in their rear-view mirrors.
When riding near a Ford Pinto, always maintain a distance of at least 100 feet, or else wear flame-retardant polyester shirt and trousers:
This is because the vehicle is likely to explode:
If the Pinto does burst into flames, make every attempt to smother the blaze with your polyester suit so as to minimize the risk to other motorists.
Take special care when riding behind earthen tone trucks:
As they are often made of the marihuana:
This can result in intoxication and strange fashion choices:
When commuting to work, note that the yellow line always leads right to the porno movie set:
On-the-bike Kegel exercises can increase performance on the set:
As well as stopping power on the bike:
Though sudden release of the pelvic floor muscles can result in a phenomenon known as scranial or vulvanial ejection:
In the event of a crash, always have the foresight to place a tiny cushion on the road surface to break your fall:
When riding in a group, utilize a double paceline, ensure a 50/50 gender balance, and make sure your group contains at least one (1) beard:
It shall be the bearded rider's responsibility to order the slowest member of the group into the hole:
Said rider shall go willingly into the hole, never to be seen or heard from again:
Most importantly, all rides shall be orderly and joyless:
The end.
Moving back to the present, here's a rather dubious Kickstarter:
Yes, given recent events, I can't think of a better design for a bag than one that looks exactly like a gun holster:
What could possibly go wrong?
October 4, 2017
Hey, would you look at that? It's Wednesday already!
As I mentioned yesterday, I managed to work an all-terrain bicycle ride into my day, for which I selected my Marin Pine Mountain 1 (though currently the equivalent bike is simply the "Pine Mountain," and it's green):
It occurred to me as I rode that it's now been just a month shy of two years since I've taken delivery of this bike, I figured I'd update you on matters, since ostensibly this is a bike blog and bikes bikes bikes. (Also I resent the "review once and forget" approach employed my the rest of the cycling media.)
Here's the bike as I received it:
And here it is now:
It is, I feel compelled to point out, my second-heaviest grey and orange bicycle:
Though both bikes also share in common the fact that the last thing you're thinking about when riding either of them is the weight. Indeed, here's what I consider a truly complete day of cycling:
1) Deposit human child at Apple factory via WorkCycles;2) Switch to Ol' Piney for some all-terrain bicycle cycling;3) Switch back to WorkCycles to collect human child from Apple factory.
Of course I could probably accomplish all of that without the bike switches if I did something like this:
But by the time I actually got around to it my kids would be grown up and there's be no need for it anyway, and with all that time on my hands all my repressed bike-weenie tendencies will finally come gushing out and I'll put together some absurd high-end bicycle that I'll be too old and tired to ride.
It's the Circle of Fredness.
Anyway, besides the obvious stuff like "Is this bike good for the kind of riding I wanna do?" the most important question when considering a new bike is "Is the stuff on it crappy or not?". Well, in the case of this bike, overall the answer is "not," and here's everything I've changed and why since taking delivery:
--Saddle (personal preference and because I have many lying around);--Seatpost (no other reason except I was changing the saddle anyway and I had a Thomson which is what all the cool people use, though I guess now all the cool people use droppers, goddamn it I'm still such a loser);--Bottom bracket (wore out pretty quickly but it's a standard threaded BB shell so no big deal);--Crank (I swapped the worn bottom bracket with a Shimano one I had and it was not a perfect fit with the stock crank so I swapped it with a Shimano one I had);--Stem (I needed an extra centimeter in the cocking pit);--Grips (I enjoy the labial-esque support of Ergons, whaddya want, and again all of this is stuff I have lying around anyway);--Tires (I liked the stock Schwalbes though the sidewalls did seem to wear pretty quickly. I'm now using WTB "summer fatbiking" tires which I purchased because they were the cheapest 27.5+ tires I could find. This is the criteria I use when purchasing all my mountain bike tires and it has yet to fail me. The tires on my artisanal Engin singlespeed cost four (4) dollars each and my only regret is buying four and not twenty.);--Rear brake pads.
So really, the only things I've needed to change were wear and personal fit items which you'd change on any bike--oh, right, except for one major thing:
There was a recall on the original fork. But it wasn't a big deal. I just kept riding until the new one came, then I swapped it in about five minutes. It's bikes, and recalls happen. In fact there's a recall on my Brompton right now:
VOLUNTARY RECALL NOTICEFAG Bottom Bracket cartridge BB66 (April 2014 – May 2017)
My understanding is they're going to replace it with one that has a more politically correct model name.
(Hey, it means cigarette in the UK, just a simple misunderstanding.)
As for stuff I would want to change on the bike, I admit I've been considering doing something like this:
Oh sure, they're ugly as hell, but I'd argue there's no such thing as an attractive mountain bike. Also, while you might think the fat tires would be sluggish on anything but technical terrain, the fact is that the Pine Mountain invites long rides, and I've done some fairly ambitious dirt outings (by parent-with-limited-time standards) on this thing. And when I have, the only thing I've really wanted for is more hand positions. I also think that after, say, two hours my wrists and hands would be happier at more of an angle.
I should probably also get a frame bag or two so I can take advantage of the bike's liberal bosses instead of wearing a backpack.
Anyway, this bike's been a pleasure to ride on everything from the technical (at least for me) trails of Blue Mountain to the flat dirt trail that connects me to the various parks with trails in the area, and it wasn't long after receiving it that I determined my hardtail redundant and put it in storage until such time as one of my offspring can avail themselves of it. Between this and my singlespeed I've pretty much got it covered, and all without having to resort to suspension or other frippery.
And there it is.
I guess what I'm saying is that for all my griping about how there are too many kinds of bikes I think the current crop of rigid metal bikes with fat-but-not-insanely-fat tires is a very good thing.
Moving on to news of international Fred-dom, the French take cheating in amateur bike races really seriously:
An amateur cyclist in France has reportedly been caught using a hidden motor during a Category 3 race in the Dordogne.
The 43-year-old man, who has not been named, is said to have been in the sights of France's national anti-doping agency, the Agence française de lutte contre le dopage (AFLD), for some time.
You'd think involving the police in some Frédéric's ebike scheme would be like having the IRS audit your kid's piggy bank, but apparently that's how they operate over there:
State prosecutor for Périgueux, Jean-François Mailhes, said: "We were advised by a representative of the AFLD of suspicions of [technological] fraud using an electonic system, in other words a little motor."
After the motor was found in the bike following the race, the rider was interviewed by Gendarmes, who are now trying to piece together his racing history and identify any prize money he may have won due to the illegal assistance.
Clearly the FFC (which I believe stands for "French Fred Coalition") wants to nip this thing in the cliché:
"This wasn't an overnight operation," said the president of the French cycling federation (FFC), Michel Callot.
"My fear is that we'll find a lot of this kind of cheating in the amateur ranks because the technology is becoming accessible and we don't have the same means of detection as in professional cycling."
Just goes to show how subjective our respective existences are. Legions of e-doping Freds is Michel Callot's greatest fear, whereas it's my wildest fantasy. Amateur doping among middle-aged cyclists is delightfully satisfying in the same way that watching a stiff breeze carry away someone's toupée.
Finally, here's some moto-doofus in Denver yammering on about cyclists:
In the course of an eight-minute video he manages to catch two cyclists rolling slowly past a stop sign in a manner that poses no threat to either them or anyone else, and while he's blathering on about how he's qualified to deride cyclists because he's "one of them" someone in a Hummer does exactly the same thing:
Putz.
I have to go and ice my brain now.
It occurred to me as I rode that it's now been just a month shy of two years since I've taken delivery of this bike, I figured I'd update you on matters, since ostensibly this is a bike blog and bikes bikes bikes. (Also I resent the "review once and forget" approach employed my the rest of the cycling media.)
Here's the bike as I received it:
And here it is now:
It is, I feel compelled to point out, my second-heaviest grey and orange bicycle:
Though both bikes also share in common the fact that the last thing you're thinking about when riding either of them is the weight. Indeed, here's what I consider a truly complete day of cycling:
1) Deposit human child at Apple factory via WorkCycles;2) Switch to Ol' Piney for some all-terrain bicycle cycling;3) Switch back to WorkCycles to collect human child from Apple factory.
Of course I could probably accomplish all of that without the bike switches if I did something like this:
But by the time I actually got around to it my kids would be grown up and there's be no need for it anyway, and with all that time on my hands all my repressed bike-weenie tendencies will finally come gushing out and I'll put together some absurd high-end bicycle that I'll be too old and tired to ride.It's the Circle of Fredness.
Anyway, besides the obvious stuff like "Is this bike good for the kind of riding I wanna do?" the most important question when considering a new bike is "Is the stuff on it crappy or not?". Well, in the case of this bike, overall the answer is "not," and here's everything I've changed and why since taking delivery:
--Saddle (personal preference and because I have many lying around);--Seatpost (no other reason except I was changing the saddle anyway and I had a Thomson which is what all the cool people use, though I guess now all the cool people use droppers, goddamn it I'm still such a loser);--Bottom bracket (wore out pretty quickly but it's a standard threaded BB shell so no big deal);--Crank (I swapped the worn bottom bracket with a Shimano one I had and it was not a perfect fit with the stock crank so I swapped it with a Shimano one I had);--Stem (I needed an extra centimeter in the cocking pit);--Grips (I enjoy the labial-esque support of Ergons, whaddya want, and again all of this is stuff I have lying around anyway);--Tires (I liked the stock Schwalbes though the sidewalls did seem to wear pretty quickly. I'm now using WTB "summer fatbiking" tires which I purchased because they were the cheapest 27.5+ tires I could find. This is the criteria I use when purchasing all my mountain bike tires and it has yet to fail me. The tires on my artisanal Engin singlespeed cost four (4) dollars each and my only regret is buying four and not twenty.);--Rear brake pads.
So really, the only things I've needed to change were wear and personal fit items which you'd change on any bike--oh, right, except for one major thing:
There was a recall on the original fork. But it wasn't a big deal. I just kept riding until the new one came, then I swapped it in about five minutes. It's bikes, and recalls happen. In fact there's a recall on my Brompton right now:
VOLUNTARY RECALL NOTICEFAG Bottom Bracket cartridge BB66 (April 2014 – May 2017)
My understanding is they're going to replace it with one that has a more politically correct model name.
(Hey, it means cigarette in the UK, just a simple misunderstanding.)
As for stuff I would want to change on the bike, I admit I've been considering doing something like this:
Oh sure, they're ugly as hell, but I'd argue there's no such thing as an attractive mountain bike. Also, while you might think the fat tires would be sluggish on anything but technical terrain, the fact is that the Pine Mountain invites long rides, and I've done some fairly ambitious dirt outings (by parent-with-limited-time standards) on this thing. And when I have, the only thing I've really wanted for is more hand positions. I also think that after, say, two hours my wrists and hands would be happier at more of an angle.
I should probably also get a frame bag or two so I can take advantage of the bike's liberal bosses instead of wearing a backpack.
Anyway, this bike's been a pleasure to ride on everything from the technical (at least for me) trails of Blue Mountain to the flat dirt trail that connects me to the various parks with trails in the area, and it wasn't long after receiving it that I determined my hardtail redundant and put it in storage until such time as one of my offspring can avail themselves of it. Between this and my singlespeed I've pretty much got it covered, and all without having to resort to suspension or other frippery.
And there it is.
I guess what I'm saying is that for all my griping about how there are too many kinds of bikes I think the current crop of rigid metal bikes with fat-but-not-insanely-fat tires is a very good thing.
Moving on to news of international Fred-dom, the French take cheating in amateur bike races really seriously:
An amateur cyclist in France has reportedly been caught using a hidden motor during a Category 3 race in the Dordogne.
The 43-year-old man, who has not been named, is said to have been in the sights of France's national anti-doping agency, the Agence française de lutte contre le dopage (AFLD), for some time.
You'd think involving the police in some Frédéric's ebike scheme would be like having the IRS audit your kid's piggy bank, but apparently that's how they operate over there:
State prosecutor for Périgueux, Jean-François Mailhes, said: "We were advised by a representative of the AFLD of suspicions of [technological] fraud using an electonic system, in other words a little motor."
After the motor was found in the bike following the race, the rider was interviewed by Gendarmes, who are now trying to piece together his racing history and identify any prize money he may have won due to the illegal assistance.
Clearly the FFC (which I believe stands for "French Fred Coalition") wants to nip this thing in the cliché:
"This wasn't an overnight operation," said the president of the French cycling federation (FFC), Michel Callot.
"My fear is that we'll find a lot of this kind of cheating in the amateur ranks because the technology is becoming accessible and we don't have the same means of detection as in professional cycling."
Just goes to show how subjective our respective existences are. Legions of e-doping Freds is Michel Callot's greatest fear, whereas it's my wildest fantasy. Amateur doping among middle-aged cyclists is delightfully satisfying in the same way that watching a stiff breeze carry away someone's toupée.
Finally, here's some moto-doofus in Denver yammering on about cyclists:
In the course of an eight-minute video he manages to catch two cyclists rolling slowly past a stop sign in a manner that poses no threat to either them or anyone else, and while he's blathering on about how he's qualified to deride cyclists because he's "one of them" someone in a Hummer does exactly the same thing:
Putz.
I have to go and ice my brain now.
October 3, 2017
This Just In: The Outside Is In!
Sorry for the delay, I was engaged in important and tedious business I can assure you was no fun whatsoever.
I did actually have business to attend to while I was out but I don't have to account for myself to you.
Anyway, I'm pleased to let you know my latest Outside column is up and it's all about the cyclocross:
(Spoiler alert: no.)
I should say that it's been a number of years since I last threw my crotch over a cyclocross bike in anger, mostly because I got over driving three hours each way to suck for 45 minutes, but also because yes, it did get a little less hospitable to people like me who really don't give a shit.
In any case, the column is what it is, so make of it what you will.
While I'm plugging myself (gigglechortle), if you enjoy dipshit local news broadcasts about bikes you should check out today's Bike Forecast:
I daresay it's worth it.
And with that, I bid you a-doo for now, and I'll see you back here tomorrow.
I love you,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
I did actually have business to attend to while I was out but I don't have to account for myself to you.
Anyway, I'm pleased to let you know my latest Outside column is up and it's all about the cyclocross:
(Spoiler alert: no.)
I should say that it's been a number of years since I last threw my crotch over a cyclocross bike in anger, mostly because I got over driving three hours each way to suck for 45 minutes, but also because yes, it did get a little less hospitable to people like me who really don't give a shit.
In any case, the column is what it is, so make of it what you will.
While I'm plugging myself (gigglechortle), if you enjoy dipshit local news broadcasts about bikes you should check out today's Bike Forecast:
I daresay it's worth it.
And with that, I bid you a-doo for now, and I'll see you back here tomorrow.
I love you,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
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