BikeSnobNYC's Blog, page 58
September 14, 2016
Vision? Zero!
I believe the children are our future. Not only should we teach them well and let them lead the way, but we also need to show them all the beauty they possess inside. Above all, we should give them a sense of pride.
Sorry, those aren't my words, I'm paraphrasing the popular song by Sexual Chocolate.
Still, that makes them no less true, and when it comes to teaching children not to get killed by the adults who can't be bothered to watch out for them there's no more effective method than hip hop-styled PSAs:
The video of the song will now be used as part of the Cross This Way curriculum — a new educational initiative, jointly offered by the city’s Transportation and Education Departments, that will be taught to students in the fourth, fifth and sixth grades.
It’s an educational arm of Mayor Bill de Blasio’s Vision Zero campaign to eliminate fatalities and injuries by vehicles.
The Cross This Way curriculum, aimed at 300,000 schoolchildren, will be announced today at P.S. 124 in Gowanus, near where a 10-wheel truck fatally ran over two fifth-grade students in 2004.
I don't know about you, but when I hear that two children have been killed by trucks and the city is responding by showing "an extremely catchy hip-hop song" in schools I immediately start cringing. Even the writer of the Times article senses something amiss;
But remember: Although these younger pedestrians are doing their part to avoid accidents, street safety remains primarily the responsibility of the drivers.
Exactly.
Given this, I put off watching the video for as long as possible, but I finally ate my metaphorical veggies and here it is:
After watching this video, I felt conflicted. On one hand, it contains some good advice: watch where you're going, don't stare at your phone all the time, and so forth. On the other hand, at certain points it absolves the drivers of responsibility and shifts the burden of safety entirely on the kids, which strikes me as unfair and somewhat irresponsible. Consider this part, for example:
Sure, she's on the phone and she should be paying more attention, yada yada yada, but what about the driver totally violating her right of way? Phone or no phone there's only so much you can do about these assholes constantly dry-humping the crosswalk with their SUVS, and if everybody stops for them then the terrorists have won.
Then again, it was lighter on the helmet propaganda than I expected, with only one instance of helmet-shaming:
Oh please, you don't need to wear a hemet every time you step onto a board with wheels. He's rolling around Brooklyn, not dropping into a half-pipe. Might as well tell the kids to wear helmets while they're walking.
But the most troubling part is the stop sign scene. Here are the kids, plainly visible to the driver:
And here they are reacting in terror:
Because of course the driver doesn't stop:
Fair enough. They don't stop most of the time. But again, is it fair to the kids to enshrine and legitimize this sort of driver behavior and suggest that it's them and not the drivers who are doing something wrong? Frankly I'm not sure, but according to the video here's what the kids are supposed to be doing. First, they're supposed to stop and look:
Okay. Then, they're supposed to make eye contact:
This is extremely bad advice. One of the first things I learned in motorcycle safety school (which I recommend to all cyclists as a lot of what you learn carries over to bicycling) is that eye contact with a driver does not mean they see you. They may appear to be looking at you, but they're usually just looking through you, and we've all experienced that sense of shock and disbelief when they come right at you even though you think you've got them riveted with your steely gaze.
In short, eye contact don't mean shit.
Yet the video takes this flawed concept even further and then tells them to wave at the driver:
So the driver waves them through and HOLY SHIT NEVER GO JUST BECAUSE A DRIVER WAVES YOU THROUGH!
Because sure, they may be letting you go, but what about the asshole behind them who doesn't feel like waiting and goes around them? Never, ever, ever let a driver be your eyes, because nobody is less aware of their surroundings than a driver.
And this bit of advice was particularly vexing:
How are you supposed to do that exactly? Eye contact doesn't work, and letting them wave you through is dangerous. Frankly, I'd have been more comfortable if they'd suggested this:
But again, I'm conflicted. What's worse: legitimizing bad driver behavior, or pretending it doesn't exist? I don't know, but one thing is for sure: kids are kids, so putting even more responsibility on them when it comes to traffic safety is completely unrealistic and utterly ridiculous.
Meanwhile, in other local news, Citi Bike continues to desecrate New York City, this time by being in close proximity to a cat statue:
In 1998, the twin 18-foot-tall monuments, known as “Panthers” or “Pumas,” were brought back to vibrancy through a restoration financed by the City Parks Foundation. The sculptures were cleaned and repatinated, and the pedestals were cleaned and repaired.
But the dramatic spell they cast was shattered last week when a Citi Bike kiosk and solar panel, half as high as the monument, were installed directly in front of the north pedestal.
"Dramatic spell?" Really? I lived in close proximity to that park for something like 20 years and I had to look up where the fucking things were because I never even noticed them. And even if I had noticed them, how does the Citi Bike station interfere with them in any way? Look at the damn picture! They're 18 feet above the fucking street! Bikes or no bikes unless you're an NBA player on stilts you ain't seeing shit.
Still, the sculptor's great-granddaughter is disgusted:
“I’m sure Proctor and White would both be horrified,” Laura Proctor Ames, the sculptor’s great-granddaughter, said after seeing a photograph sent by The New York Times. “We were not aware of it, and I have a pit in my stomach.” Ms. Ames is the director of the A. Phimister Proctor Museum in Hansville, Wash.
Yeah, no shit you weren't aware of it--because you live in fucking Hansville, Washington! So who gives a shit what you think?
And here's someone who turned to Facebook to inform the world that she's "apoplectic:"
Michele H. Bogart, the author of “Public Sculpture and the Civic Ideal in New York City, 1890-1930,” wrote on her Facebook page, “Someone who approves locations is not using his or her brain cells.”
“I am apoplectic,” she wrote. “It is an absurdity. The ‘Panthers’ are a major N.Y.C. monument by a major late-19th-century American sculptor. They are in the collection of the city, and you can’t just go putting structures next to works like these.”
Ms. Bogart asked, “Who gave approval to place kiosks and stands in a place that totally destroys the views into the park?”
Those who know aren’t saying.
Firstly, in the list of "major NYC monuments," these panthers rank somewhere between Famous Original Ray's Pizza (doesn't matter which one, take your pick) and pretty much any given Muni-Meter. Secondly, you know what really interferes with the enjoyment of these monuments and indeed enjoyment of the entire park? ALL THE GODDAMN CARS SPEEDING AROUND AND THROUGH IT! In fact, I probably never noticed the stupid things because if I had I'd probably have gotten run over while trying to admire them.
Maybe Michele H. Bogart, author of "Public Sculpture and the Civil Ideal in New York City, 1890-1930," should lease herself a Hyundai and drive it to Hansville, Washington.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
And try not to hit any kids, either.
Sorry, those aren't my words, I'm paraphrasing the popular song by Sexual Chocolate.
Still, that makes them no less true, and when it comes to teaching children not to get killed by the adults who can't be bothered to watch out for them there's no more effective method than hip hop-styled PSAs:
The video of the song will now be used as part of the Cross This Way curriculum — a new educational initiative, jointly offered by the city’s Transportation and Education Departments, that will be taught to students in the fourth, fifth and sixth grades.
It’s an educational arm of Mayor Bill de Blasio’s Vision Zero campaign to eliminate fatalities and injuries by vehicles.
The Cross This Way curriculum, aimed at 300,000 schoolchildren, will be announced today at P.S. 124 in Gowanus, near where a 10-wheel truck fatally ran over two fifth-grade students in 2004.
I don't know about you, but when I hear that two children have been killed by trucks and the city is responding by showing "an extremely catchy hip-hop song" in schools I immediately start cringing. Even the writer of the Times article senses something amiss;
But remember: Although these younger pedestrians are doing their part to avoid accidents, street safety remains primarily the responsibility of the drivers.
Exactly.
Given this, I put off watching the video for as long as possible, but I finally ate my metaphorical veggies and here it is:
After watching this video, I felt conflicted. On one hand, it contains some good advice: watch where you're going, don't stare at your phone all the time, and so forth. On the other hand, at certain points it absolves the drivers of responsibility and shifts the burden of safety entirely on the kids, which strikes me as unfair and somewhat irresponsible. Consider this part, for example:
Sure, she's on the phone and she should be paying more attention, yada yada yada, but what about the driver totally violating her right of way? Phone or no phone there's only so much you can do about these assholes constantly dry-humping the crosswalk with their SUVS, and if everybody stops for them then the terrorists have won.
Then again, it was lighter on the helmet propaganda than I expected, with only one instance of helmet-shaming:
Oh please, you don't need to wear a hemet every time you step onto a board with wheels. He's rolling around Brooklyn, not dropping into a half-pipe. Might as well tell the kids to wear helmets while they're walking.
But the most troubling part is the stop sign scene. Here are the kids, plainly visible to the driver:
And here they are reacting in terror:
Because of course the driver doesn't stop:
Fair enough. They don't stop most of the time. But again, is it fair to the kids to enshrine and legitimize this sort of driver behavior and suggest that it's them and not the drivers who are doing something wrong? Frankly I'm not sure, but according to the video here's what the kids are supposed to be doing. First, they're supposed to stop and look:
Okay. Then, they're supposed to make eye contact:
This is extremely bad advice. One of the first things I learned in motorcycle safety school (which I recommend to all cyclists as a lot of what you learn carries over to bicycling) is that eye contact with a driver does not mean they see you. They may appear to be looking at you, but they're usually just looking through you, and we've all experienced that sense of shock and disbelief when they come right at you even though you think you've got them riveted with your steely gaze.
In short, eye contact don't mean shit.
Yet the video takes this flawed concept even further and then tells them to wave at the driver:
So the driver waves them through and HOLY SHIT NEVER GO JUST BECAUSE A DRIVER WAVES YOU THROUGH!
Because sure, they may be letting you go, but what about the asshole behind them who doesn't feel like waiting and goes around them? Never, ever, ever let a driver be your eyes, because nobody is less aware of their surroundings than a driver.
And this bit of advice was particularly vexing:
How are you supposed to do that exactly? Eye contact doesn't work, and letting them wave you through is dangerous. Frankly, I'd have been more comfortable if they'd suggested this:
But again, I'm conflicted. What's worse: legitimizing bad driver behavior, or pretending it doesn't exist? I don't know, but one thing is for sure: kids are kids, so putting even more responsibility on them when it comes to traffic safety is completely unrealistic and utterly ridiculous.
Meanwhile, in other local news, Citi Bike continues to desecrate New York City, this time by being in close proximity to a cat statue:
In 1998, the twin 18-foot-tall monuments, known as “Panthers” or “Pumas,” were brought back to vibrancy through a restoration financed by the City Parks Foundation. The sculptures were cleaned and repatinated, and the pedestals were cleaned and repaired.But the dramatic spell they cast was shattered last week when a Citi Bike kiosk and solar panel, half as high as the monument, were installed directly in front of the north pedestal.
"Dramatic spell?" Really? I lived in close proximity to that park for something like 20 years and I had to look up where the fucking things were because I never even noticed them. And even if I had noticed them, how does the Citi Bike station interfere with them in any way? Look at the damn picture! They're 18 feet above the fucking street! Bikes or no bikes unless you're an NBA player on stilts you ain't seeing shit.
Still, the sculptor's great-granddaughter is disgusted:
“I’m sure Proctor and White would both be horrified,” Laura Proctor Ames, the sculptor’s great-granddaughter, said after seeing a photograph sent by The New York Times. “We were not aware of it, and I have a pit in my stomach.” Ms. Ames is the director of the A. Phimister Proctor Museum in Hansville, Wash.
Yeah, no shit you weren't aware of it--because you live in fucking Hansville, Washington! So who gives a shit what you think?
And here's someone who turned to Facebook to inform the world that she's "apoplectic:"
Michele H. Bogart, the author of “Public Sculpture and the Civic Ideal in New York City, 1890-1930,” wrote on her Facebook page, “Someone who approves locations is not using his or her brain cells.”
“I am apoplectic,” she wrote. “It is an absurdity. The ‘Panthers’ are a major N.Y.C. monument by a major late-19th-century American sculptor. They are in the collection of the city, and you can’t just go putting structures next to works like these.”
Ms. Bogart asked, “Who gave approval to place kiosks and stands in a place that totally destroys the views into the park?”
Those who know aren’t saying.
Firstly, in the list of "major NYC monuments," these panthers rank somewhere between Famous Original Ray's Pizza (doesn't matter which one, take your pick) and pretty much any given Muni-Meter. Secondly, you know what really interferes with the enjoyment of these monuments and indeed enjoyment of the entire park? ALL THE GODDAMN CARS SPEEDING AROUND AND THROUGH IT! In fact, I probably never noticed the stupid things because if I had I'd probably have gotten run over while trying to admire them.
Maybe Michele H. Bogart, author of "Public Sculpture and the Civil Ideal in New York City, 1890-1930," should lease herself a Hyundai and drive it to Hansville, Washington.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
And try not to hit any kids, either.
September 13, 2016
Cyclists keep getting faster, justice keeps getting more evasive.
This past weekend cyclist Denise Mueller made history when she officially became the World's Fastest Frederica, piloting a bicycle across the Bonneville NaCl Flats at 147mph, or [note to assistant: insert number here] kph:
California cyclist Denise Mueller set a women’s world speed record of 147mph Saturday, drafting an SUV on a wildly unique, fixed-gear bicycle on the Bonneville Salt Flats of Utah in the United States.
The 147mph marked a new Woman's Paced Bicycle Land Speed Record, a style of extreme speed that dates back to 1899 when Charles "Mile-a-Minute" Murphy drafted a train on a bike, with sheets of plywood laid down between the rails the tracks for a riding surface. Murphy completed a mile in 57.8 seconds, according to newspapers at the time.
Ah yes, who could forget old man "Mile-a-Minute?" Even though I was but a schoolboy and still in short pants in '99, I remember it like it was yesterday. And it wasn't just any train, either. It was a Long Island Rail Road train:
(PDF)He'd have gone even faster if he hadn't had to change at Jamaica.*
*[That's a little Long Island Railroad humor for you.]
Murphy, by the way, totally invented the concept of "aero" and DON'T YOU FORGET IT:
(PDF)
He also had an onion on his belt, which was the style at the time, and it's inspiring when you consider that we owe some of the greatest advances of modern civilization to the exploits of these brave and visionary proto-Freds.
Anyway, here's Denise Mueller's bike, which I suppose is officially the World's Fastest Fixie:
The bike is a fixed gear; there is no coasting or shifting for Mueller, who must be towed up to speed with the gigantic gear. "We are trying to get up to speed as fast as possible in the first mile before I drop the tow," Mueller told BikeRadar. "Then we have until mile three to get up to ultimate speed. Between mile markers three and four is where I am being timed."
When Mueller is going 140mph, her cadence is 100rpm.
Presumably once she passed mile marker four she threw a leg over the bars and set yet another record for the World's Sweetest Elephant Trunk Skid:
And if you weren't there, here's video of the momentous event:
Here's Mueller pacing behind the car:
Driver checks mirror:
Driver looks ahead:
Driver checks mirror:
Driver looks ahead:
Driver swerves around Lot's wife, who like totally came out of nowhere:
And finally driver makes a celebratory gesture when Mueller hits 147mph, which I guess we can now call "Frederica World Record 'Woo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!' Speed:"
Though oddly this celebratory gesture evolves into a sort of wanking gesture, though I'm going to assume that's an accident of the safety gloves and not an expression of derision:
And through it all the mummified co-pilot's expression remains inscrutable:
In any case, good for her, though I'd still like to know from Mueller #whatwheelcounterbalancekityourunning.
As for Old Man Murphy, he was a Brooklyn cop, and today his fellow officers honor his memory by arresting cyclists after they're assaulted by racists:
(Via @somebadideas)
WILLIAMSBURG — A Brooklyn cyclist claims a passenger in a car yelled a racial slur at him, spat on him then punched him in the face — yet he was the one who spent a night in jail.
The passenger was charged with assault and given a ticket for attacking Nikolas Padilla last week — then he was allowed to leave the scene, police said.
But Padilla was charged with menacing and criminal possession of a weapon for swinging his bike lock — which he denied, saying the lock was fastened round his waist when police arrived — and was taken into custody.
Sounds about right. If a driver tells the police a cyclist swung a bike lock they'll make an arrest, but if a driver tries to hit a cyclist with a minivan they'll let the driver go. As for the cyclist's claim that the lock was still around his waist when the police arrived, there are two explanations for that. The first is that he's got some crazy Pootie Tang-type bike lock-swinging skills, and the second is that either the people in the car or the police (or both) were lying.
Call me a cynic, but I'm inclined to go with the second explanation.
Anyway, here's how it all happened:
"I wasn't looking for any trouble," said the cyclist, who rides competitively with Echelon Cycles. "I was just going about my day."
Padilla said he was stopped at a red light in front of a car that started honking repeatedly at him once it turned green.
Yep, yet another reason not to stop for red lights: it makes drivers crazy. And, in this case, racist and violent:
"This dude just lowered the window. He spit on me twice," Padilla said. "He basically told me to, 'Shut the f--k up, n---er.'"
And here's your assault:
As he approached the car, he said he checked the driver's side mirror, as he's grown accustomed to doing since he's been hit by doors twice before. In the mirror he made eye contact with the female driver right before she swung open the car door, he said.
"She opened the door at me. I had nowhere to go because I was basically trapped," he said.
Padilla rammed into the door and fell to the ground.
The passenger in the car got out and punched him twice in the face, Padilla said. He claimed the driver then backed over the wheel of his bicycle, he said.
So after the driver intentionally doored the cyclists, the police arrested the cyclist and gave the passenger a ticket:
Police arrested Padilla and the car's passenger, Christopher Cicero, the president of SmarterWiki Inc, a company that claims to lobby Wikipedia for its clients.
Cicero was given a Desk Appearance Ticket for punching Padilla, though the arrest report does not mention the claims that he uttered a racial slur or spat on the cyclist.
Sure, it's bulky and you can't conceal it, but there is still no better assault weapon than a car.
By the way, running a company that "lobbies Wikipedia for its clients" sounds like the world's nerdiest e-protection racket. ("You better take that part out about how my client's company poisoned the local groundwater or you're gonna have to deal with some really annoying edits.")
Lastly, here's an article from Bicycling that makes all those flat repair tips and training "hacks" seem like Pulitzer material:
Wow. I'm looking forward to the review of the new Rapha bib short liner, for the rider who doesn't want to interrupt that "epic" in order to answer the call of nature:
The line between chamois cream and diaper rash cream has always been a thin one, and I think cycling may have finally reached the point where it's disappeared entirely.
California cyclist Denise Mueller set a women’s world speed record of 147mph Saturday, drafting an SUV on a wildly unique, fixed-gear bicycle on the Bonneville Salt Flats of Utah in the United States.
The 147mph marked a new Woman's Paced Bicycle Land Speed Record, a style of extreme speed that dates back to 1899 when Charles "Mile-a-Minute" Murphy drafted a train on a bike, with sheets of plywood laid down between the rails the tracks for a riding surface. Murphy completed a mile in 57.8 seconds, according to newspapers at the time.
Ah yes, who could forget old man "Mile-a-Minute?" Even though I was but a schoolboy and still in short pants in '99, I remember it like it was yesterday. And it wasn't just any train, either. It was a Long Island Rail Road train:
(PDF)He'd have gone even faster if he hadn't had to change at Jamaica.*
*[That's a little Long Island Railroad humor for you.]
Murphy, by the way, totally invented the concept of "aero" and DON'T YOU FORGET IT:
(PDF)
He also had an onion on his belt, which was the style at the time, and it's inspiring when you consider that we owe some of the greatest advances of modern civilization to the exploits of these brave and visionary proto-Freds.
Anyway, here's Denise Mueller's bike, which I suppose is officially the World's Fastest Fixie:
The bike is a fixed gear; there is no coasting or shifting for Mueller, who must be towed up to speed with the gigantic gear. "We are trying to get up to speed as fast as possible in the first mile before I drop the tow," Mueller told BikeRadar. "Then we have until mile three to get up to ultimate speed. Between mile markers three and four is where I am being timed."
When Mueller is going 140mph, her cadence is 100rpm.
Presumably once she passed mile marker four she threw a leg over the bars and set yet another record for the World's Sweetest Elephant Trunk Skid:
And if you weren't there, here's video of the momentous event:
Here's Mueller pacing behind the car:
Driver checks mirror:
Driver looks ahead:
Driver checks mirror:
Driver looks ahead:
Driver swerves around Lot's wife, who like totally came out of nowhere:
And finally driver makes a celebratory gesture when Mueller hits 147mph, which I guess we can now call "Frederica World Record 'Woo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!' Speed:"
Though oddly this celebratory gesture evolves into a sort of wanking gesture, though I'm going to assume that's an accident of the safety gloves and not an expression of derision:
And through it all the mummified co-pilot's expression remains inscrutable:
In any case, good for her, though I'd still like to know from Mueller #whatwheelcounterbalancekityourunning.
As for Old Man Murphy, he was a Brooklyn cop, and today his fellow officers honor his memory by arresting cyclists after they're assaulted by racists:
(Via @somebadideas)
WILLIAMSBURG — A Brooklyn cyclist claims a passenger in a car yelled a racial slur at him, spat on him then punched him in the face — yet he was the one who spent a night in jail.
The passenger was charged with assault and given a ticket for attacking Nikolas Padilla last week — then he was allowed to leave the scene, police said.
But Padilla was charged with menacing and criminal possession of a weapon for swinging his bike lock — which he denied, saying the lock was fastened round his waist when police arrived — and was taken into custody.
Sounds about right. If a driver tells the police a cyclist swung a bike lock they'll make an arrest, but if a driver tries to hit a cyclist with a minivan they'll let the driver go. As for the cyclist's claim that the lock was still around his waist when the police arrived, there are two explanations for that. The first is that he's got some crazy Pootie Tang-type bike lock-swinging skills, and the second is that either the people in the car or the police (or both) were lying.
Call me a cynic, but I'm inclined to go with the second explanation.
Anyway, here's how it all happened:
"I wasn't looking for any trouble," said the cyclist, who rides competitively with Echelon Cycles. "I was just going about my day."
Padilla said he was stopped at a red light in front of a car that started honking repeatedly at him once it turned green.
Yep, yet another reason not to stop for red lights: it makes drivers crazy. And, in this case, racist and violent:
"This dude just lowered the window. He spit on me twice," Padilla said. "He basically told me to, 'Shut the f--k up, n---er.'"
And here's your assault:
As he approached the car, he said he checked the driver's side mirror, as he's grown accustomed to doing since he's been hit by doors twice before. In the mirror he made eye contact with the female driver right before she swung open the car door, he said.
"She opened the door at me. I had nowhere to go because I was basically trapped," he said.
Padilla rammed into the door and fell to the ground.
The passenger in the car got out and punched him twice in the face, Padilla said. He claimed the driver then backed over the wheel of his bicycle, he said.
So after the driver intentionally doored the cyclists, the police arrested the cyclist and gave the passenger a ticket:
Police arrested Padilla and the car's passenger, Christopher Cicero, the president of SmarterWiki Inc, a company that claims to lobby Wikipedia for its clients.
Cicero was given a Desk Appearance Ticket for punching Padilla, though the arrest report does not mention the claims that he uttered a racial slur or spat on the cyclist.
Sure, it's bulky and you can't conceal it, but there is still no better assault weapon than a car.
By the way, running a company that "lobbies Wikipedia for its clients" sounds like the world's nerdiest e-protection racket. ("You better take that part out about how my client's company poisoned the local groundwater or you're gonna have to deal with some really annoying edits.")
Lastly, here's an article from Bicycling that makes all those flat repair tips and training "hacks" seem like Pulitzer material:
When you've got to go, you've got to go— how to poop on a ride: https://t.co/Dg0YtqKjQv pic.twitter.com/tzEerWIfXA— Bicycling Magazine (@BicyclingMag) September 13, 2016
Wow. I'm looking forward to the review of the new Rapha bib short liner, for the rider who doesn't want to interrupt that "epic" in order to answer the call of nature:
The line between chamois cream and diaper rash cream has always been a thin one, and I think cycling may have finally reached the point where it's disappeared entirely.
September 12, 2016
Bike Lanes are Destroying America
Last Friday I mentioned this humorous Internet thingy from Chicago, which I assume was inspired by this recent editorial in the Chicago Tribune:
We've now reached a point where there's little meaningful difference between an anti-bike editorial and a pro-bike editorial. For example, consider the headline:
"Bike lanes give cyclists free ride at expense of drivers, urban planning"
I mean, yeah? So? They say that like it's a bad thing. Even the writer realizes we've reached "peak driving." Indeed, it's not until the sixth paragraph it becomes clear he's against bike lanes, mostly because they force him to look before making a right turn:
Which is fine with me … except for the darned bike lanes. Of all the hoped-for alternatives to the family car — high-speed rail, shared cars, more compact towns, etc. — it's those bike lanes that get me going.
Not all bike lanes, mind you, but lanes like the one on Davis Street in downtown Evanston.
There bikers get their green-painted lane of pavement along the north curb; the line of parked cars gets moved out into the street; and motorized traffic gets squeezed into the middle. God forbid you should make a right turn without first checking if a biker is pedaling up behind that row of parked cars.
He's got a point here. It's unfair to ask decent, hard-working Americans to operate their motor vehicles with due care--especially when people who ride bicycles are exempt from ticketing and taxes:
They are rarely ticketed for these behaviors because they have no operator's license, no vehicle registration, no practical way, really, for the police to process them into the judicial/enforcement system. Which also means they don't pay for much. No gas tax. No fees. Theirs is pretty much a free ride.
I don't know how it is in Chicago, but obviously here in New York City they love ticketing cyclists. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've received more tickets as a cyclist than as a driver. They didn't seem to have any problem "processing me into the judicial/enforcement system," either. You know, because I have a name. Come on, by that logic you should also need a license to go grocery shopping so they can "process" you properly if you "accidentally" eat that whole bag of Cheetos before you get to the checkout line.
As for the "no gas tax" thing, I guess everybody should move to Chicago, because whenever I purchase gasoline they still make me pay tax on it even though I explain I'm a cyclist. Sure, I point to the bike on the roof rack and I beg and plead, yet still I have to pay the same as all the other schmucks, which is TOTAL BULLSHIT.
It's tempting to say that drivers hate cyclists, but that's not true. What they hate is physics. It bothers them that the big machine needs to burn gasoline, which makes it more expensive, and that it takes up a lot of space, which makes it difficult to use in a city. They resent classical mechanics, and the fact that a big heavy vehicle requires lots of care on the part of the operator, and that failure to exercise that care results in destruction and death.
The upshot of their hatred of physics and their refusal to accept the laws concerning how matter and energy interact is that they feel they should be exempt from those laws. They should not have to pay the expense, and they should not have to exercise the care. Governments and police mostly agree, which is why they've done their best to bend time and space for drivers. Sure, your SUV takes up lots of space, but even in the most dense cities they've made sure there are plenty of voids where only the cars can go. And sure, if you lose control of your SUV you'll cause all sorts of destruction and mayhem, but at least you won't be responsible for any of it.
But that's not enough. If drivers are forced to obey the laws of physics, cyclists should be forced to obey them too--not the laws of physics that govern bikes, but the ones that govern cars. Cyclists should pay money for resources they don't consume, and they should use an infrastructure designed exclusively for fast-moving vehicles that weigh thousands of pounds. At this point I'm waiting for someone to suggest all cyclists should be forced to tow a trailer that's at least the size and weight of a Honda Accord.
And most importantly, drivers should never be forced to acknowledge the fact that the "free ride" of a bicycle is also available to them. After all, if we're getting such a sweet deal you'd think they'd want to get in on it too. I can only assume the reason they don't is that they're afraid of other drivers like themselves, but they needn't worry. After all, this is America, where you can always count on someone with a gun coming to your rescue:
(Via @StevilKinevil)
As Stevil points out, it's hard not to suspect this was less about helping a cyclist than it was an excuse to whip out a gun.
In other news, remember the Coros Lynx helmet? You know, the somewhat uncomfortable one that didn't work properly? Well, it's on Kickstarter now, and it's already raised over $100,000:
Just to recap:
--The audio quality is kinda lousy;
--It's heavier and less comfortable than your current helmet;
--No "MIPS," which I don't even know what that is, but it's something helmets are supposed to be made out of now;
--Does nothing you can't do with a phone or a Garmin and Strava.*
*[Strava even has a "Beacon" feature now so your loved ones can check in on you; the Coros Lynx has an emergency notification function I couldn't get to work.]
I've shared my critiques with two PR companies representing this product so far and nobody seems to care, yet this thing is apparently raking it in, so go figure. Perhaps the helmet's success is on the strength of this riveting video:
I'm not sure how listening to music, taking calls, and interacting with your riding partners over an intercom makes cycling more "social." Then again I never thought Budnitz would make it, and here they are making an e-bike:
Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai.
We've now reached a point where there's little meaningful difference between an anti-bike editorial and a pro-bike editorial. For example, consider the headline:
"Bike lanes give cyclists free ride at expense of drivers, urban planning"
I mean, yeah? So? They say that like it's a bad thing. Even the writer realizes we've reached "peak driving." Indeed, it's not until the sixth paragraph it becomes clear he's against bike lanes, mostly because they force him to look before making a right turn:
Which is fine with me … except for the darned bike lanes. Of all the hoped-for alternatives to the family car — high-speed rail, shared cars, more compact towns, etc. — it's those bike lanes that get me going.
Not all bike lanes, mind you, but lanes like the one on Davis Street in downtown Evanston.
There bikers get their green-painted lane of pavement along the north curb; the line of parked cars gets moved out into the street; and motorized traffic gets squeezed into the middle. God forbid you should make a right turn without first checking if a biker is pedaling up behind that row of parked cars.
He's got a point here. It's unfair to ask decent, hard-working Americans to operate their motor vehicles with due care--especially when people who ride bicycles are exempt from ticketing and taxes:
They are rarely ticketed for these behaviors because they have no operator's license, no vehicle registration, no practical way, really, for the police to process them into the judicial/enforcement system. Which also means they don't pay for much. No gas tax. No fees. Theirs is pretty much a free ride.
I don't know how it is in Chicago, but obviously here in New York City they love ticketing cyclists. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've received more tickets as a cyclist than as a driver. They didn't seem to have any problem "processing me into the judicial/enforcement system," either. You know, because I have a name. Come on, by that logic you should also need a license to go grocery shopping so they can "process" you properly if you "accidentally" eat that whole bag of Cheetos before you get to the checkout line.
As for the "no gas tax" thing, I guess everybody should move to Chicago, because whenever I purchase gasoline they still make me pay tax on it even though I explain I'm a cyclist. Sure, I point to the bike on the roof rack and I beg and plead, yet still I have to pay the same as all the other schmucks, which is TOTAL BULLSHIT.
It's tempting to say that drivers hate cyclists, but that's not true. What they hate is physics. It bothers them that the big machine needs to burn gasoline, which makes it more expensive, and that it takes up a lot of space, which makes it difficult to use in a city. They resent classical mechanics, and the fact that a big heavy vehicle requires lots of care on the part of the operator, and that failure to exercise that care results in destruction and death.
The upshot of their hatred of physics and their refusal to accept the laws concerning how matter and energy interact is that they feel they should be exempt from those laws. They should not have to pay the expense, and they should not have to exercise the care. Governments and police mostly agree, which is why they've done their best to bend time and space for drivers. Sure, your SUV takes up lots of space, but even in the most dense cities they've made sure there are plenty of voids where only the cars can go. And sure, if you lose control of your SUV you'll cause all sorts of destruction and mayhem, but at least you won't be responsible for any of it.
But that's not enough. If drivers are forced to obey the laws of physics, cyclists should be forced to obey them too--not the laws of physics that govern bikes, but the ones that govern cars. Cyclists should pay money for resources they don't consume, and they should use an infrastructure designed exclusively for fast-moving vehicles that weigh thousands of pounds. At this point I'm waiting for someone to suggest all cyclists should be forced to tow a trailer that's at least the size and weight of a Honda Accord.
And most importantly, drivers should never be forced to acknowledge the fact that the "free ride" of a bicycle is also available to them. After all, if we're getting such a sweet deal you'd think they'd want to get in on it too. I can only assume the reason they don't is that they're afraid of other drivers like themselves, but they needn't worry. After all, this is America, where you can always count on someone with a gun coming to your rescue:
(Via @StevilKinevil)
As Stevil points out, it's hard not to suspect this was less about helping a cyclist than it was an excuse to whip out a gun.
In other news, remember the Coros Lynx helmet? You know, the somewhat uncomfortable one that didn't work properly? Well, it's on Kickstarter now, and it's already raised over $100,000:
Just to recap:
--The audio quality is kinda lousy;
--It's heavier and less comfortable than your current helmet;
--No "MIPS," which I don't even know what that is, but it's something helmets are supposed to be made out of now;
--Does nothing you can't do with a phone or a Garmin and Strava.*
*[Strava even has a "Beacon" feature now so your loved ones can check in on you; the Coros Lynx has an emergency notification function I couldn't get to work.]
I've shared my critiques with two PR companies representing this product so far and nobody seems to care, yet this thing is apparently raking it in, so go figure. Perhaps the helmet's success is on the strength of this riveting video:
I'm not sure how listening to music, taking calls, and interacting with your riding partners over an intercom makes cycling more "social." Then again I never thought Budnitz would make it, and here they are making an e-bike:
Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai.
September 9, 2016
Everybody's working for the weekend.
Hey! Here's a funny thing from the Internet!
Speaking of the politics of bikes and cities and bikes in cities, I rode mine through the city yesterday evening to go to a pre-NYC Century soirée where Transportation Alternatives were giving away copies of my books to registrants:
Night fell as I sucked down vodka and soda after vodka and soda:
Yet the pile of free books remained undiminished:
I choose not to take it as an affront to my literary prowess; rather, I put forth that in such swank surroundings people look askance at anything that's free. Had they priced the book at $100 I bet that table would have been empty faster than you can say "Gimme another vodka soda."
Of course after a night of rubbing elbows with the smugness set it's hard not to reflect on the state of our city's streets, and to put it succinctly things ain't too good out there. I mean sure, the guy who ran over a 6 year-old, checked his car for damage, and then drove away did turn himself in, but apparently it took him two (2) tries before the surrender took:
(Via Streetsblog)
Mino's attorney Christopher Wright told the judge that his client understands the seriousness of the charges because he turned himself into the police not once, but twice.
"Last Monday, we went to the 66th Precinct but there was a murder in the area and they were too busy to process him that day," said Wright who requested a lower bail.
And sure, it's entirely likely the lawyer representing the hit-and-run driver is a lying sleazeball, but it's just as likely that this particular statement is completely true.
But while the NYPD could probably be doing more to keep 6 year-olds safe from shitty drivers, they're going above and beyond when it comes to keeping presidential candidates safe from bicyclists:
For four and a half hours last night, NYPD shut off bike access to the Hudson River Greenway between 44th Street and 55th Street, a major bike transportation artery used by several thousand people each day.
The greenway closure was billed as a “safety/security measure” for the televised Clinton/Trump Q & A with Matt Lauer held on the USS Intrepid. But there was no NYPD detour imposed on motorists using the adjacent West Side Highway, where people remained free to pilot large vehicles with substantial carrying capacity at high speeds.
If you're unfamiliar with New York City, the Hudson River Greenway is like one of the most important bike routes in the whole city, and the Interpid is a giant fucking battleship. What did the NYPD think, that some tridork is going to whip a C02 canister at "The Donald?" It's hard to see how routing all these riders onto the friggin' West Side Highway (where you'd pretty much never ride a bike unless you were making one of those stupid MASH videos) is anything but a gigantic "fuck you"--especially when you consider that motor vehicle traffic continued unimpeded.
Because, you know, nobody's ever used a motor vehicle as a deadly weapon:
And it's not like you can fit a shitload of exploding stuff in them or anything like that.
You know, if I wasn't such an optimist, I'd say this whole "Vision Zero" thing is a load of crap. Indeed, more cyclists have been killed in NYC so far this year than in all of 2015. This is why on September 15th there's going to be a "call to action" ride on 5th Avenue in Manhattan to get the Mayor off his ass and out of his SUV:
WHAT: Mass Bike Ride to Demand Safe Passage for Cyclists and Pedestrians
WHERE: Riders gather at E. 59th St and Fifth Ave and finish at Washington Square Park
WHEN: Thursday, September 15, Riders meet at 6pm and depart at 6:30
WHO: Transportation Alternatives, Families For Safe Streets, Right of Way, Black Girls Do Bike, Kidical Mass BK, WE Bike NYC, Recycle-A-Bicycle, 5BBC, Bike New York, Time's Up, CHEKPEDS, the NYC Mechanical Gardens Bike Coop, Get Women Cycling, the New York Bicycle Messenger Foundation, the Century Road Club Association, the New York Cycle Club and Bicycle Habitat.
Here's the Facebook link if you prefer your political statements to be run through the Zuckerberg filter.
So there you go.
Moving on, road bikes with excessive headset play is clearly the not new trend for 2017:
(Via @somebadideas)
And hyperbole, of course, is timeless:
Since its launch, back in 2004, the Roubaix has been one of Specialized’s most important bikes. In fact, you could argue that it has been one of the most significant bikes this century, the originator of the whole ‘endurance road bike’ idea that has also given us Trek’s Domane and the Cannondale Synapse, among many, many others.
Sure. You could argue that, but you'd be absolutely crazy to do so. Granted, we're only sixteen years into the 21st century, but which do you think has been more significant during that time? The advent of bike share, or yet another plastic Fred bike? Even the much-derided (by me) Bianchi Pista has had like ten times the impact on cycling than the Roubaix, in that it was probably the first bike of thousands and thousands of new cyclists. And then you had this baby:
In comparison to all of these the Roubaix is a blip, a footnote, a single strand in the crabon layup of the metaphorical Fred chariot that is cycling.
I mean sure, the Roubaix is absolutely the most fiercely-protected bicycle model name of this century, but that's something else.
But who am I to judge? (I mean I'm right, that's just something you say.) Take a look at the video before you agree with me:
Hey, I'm not saying the suspension doesn't work, I'm just saying who the hell cares whether it does or not?
You'll never ride the race after which it is named, because the fact is you suck.
The best part of a new marketing gimmick though is when the company behind it finally admits that the previous marketing gimmick they'd been pushing for years was total BS:
The new Roubaix takes plenty of the construction lessons learned from the past; perhaps the biggest shock with the new bike is the lack of Zertz. The elastomer inserts that defined the Roubaix are no more, replaced by a mix of clever carbon construction and an innovative piece of front-end suspension.
YOU MEAN THE ZERTZ DIDN'T WORK???
I can't believe those tiny pieces of plastic inside the bigger pieces of plastic comprising the bicycle that rolls on pneumatic tires weren't totally informing the bike's ride characteristics.
Come on, you know it was bullshit when Specialized lets someone else use the name:
But I don't blame Specialized for selling a suspension road bike. They have to. Like disc brakes, the entire future of selling Freds new bikes depends on it. That's why we already have this:
And this:
And remember this?
Trust me, they're all hoping that you don't--even though this is basically the same thing, only freshened up for the 21st century with tattooed beardbros and she-bros:
That song is so fucking horrible it made me punch my cat in the face.
Hey, don't blame me, blame the bike with the integrated penis pump in the headtube:
Still needs a dropper post though.
Hey, all these bike companies better be careful: how are they going to keep working the gravel trend if the bikes get so plush we can't tell what you're riding on anymore?
@bikesnobnyc For your consideration: How to an anti-bike commentary https://t.co/1EylFxmqTT pic.twitter.com/rg2aH1Thrb— Luke Seemann (@bikesarefun) September 9, 2016It's funny because it's funny.
Speaking of the politics of bikes and cities and bikes in cities, I rode mine through the city yesterday evening to go to a pre-NYC Century soirée where Transportation Alternatives were giving away copies of my books to registrants:
Night fell as I sucked down vodka and soda after vodka and soda:
Yet the pile of free books remained undiminished:
I choose not to take it as an affront to my literary prowess; rather, I put forth that in such swank surroundings people look askance at anything that's free. Had they priced the book at $100 I bet that table would have been empty faster than you can say "Gimme another vodka soda."
Of course after a night of rubbing elbows with the smugness set it's hard not to reflect on the state of our city's streets, and to put it succinctly things ain't too good out there. I mean sure, the guy who ran over a 6 year-old, checked his car for damage, and then drove away did turn himself in, but apparently it took him two (2) tries before the surrender took:
(Via Streetsblog)
Mino's attorney Christopher Wright told the judge that his client understands the seriousness of the charges because he turned himself into the police not once, but twice.
"Last Monday, we went to the 66th Precinct but there was a murder in the area and they were too busy to process him that day," said Wright who requested a lower bail.
And sure, it's entirely likely the lawyer representing the hit-and-run driver is a lying sleazeball, but it's just as likely that this particular statement is completely true.
But while the NYPD could probably be doing more to keep 6 year-olds safe from shitty drivers, they're going above and beyond when it comes to keeping presidential candidates safe from bicyclists:
For four and a half hours last night, NYPD shut off bike access to the Hudson River Greenway between 44th Street and 55th Street, a major bike transportation artery used by several thousand people each day.
The greenway closure was billed as a “safety/security measure” for the televised Clinton/Trump Q & A with Matt Lauer held on the USS Intrepid. But there was no NYPD detour imposed on motorists using the adjacent West Side Highway, where people remained free to pilot large vehicles with substantial carrying capacity at high speeds.
If you're unfamiliar with New York City, the Hudson River Greenway is like one of the most important bike routes in the whole city, and the Interpid is a giant fucking battleship. What did the NYPD think, that some tridork is going to whip a C02 canister at "The Donald?" It's hard to see how routing all these riders onto the friggin' West Side Highway (where you'd pretty much never ride a bike unless you were making one of those stupid MASH videos) is anything but a gigantic "fuck you"--especially when you consider that motor vehicle traffic continued unimpeded.
Because, you know, nobody's ever used a motor vehicle as a deadly weapon:
And it's not like you can fit a shitload of exploding stuff in them or anything like that.
You know, if I wasn't such an optimist, I'd say this whole "Vision Zero" thing is a load of crap. Indeed, more cyclists have been killed in NYC so far this year than in all of 2015. This is why on September 15th there's going to be a "call to action" ride on 5th Avenue in Manhattan to get the Mayor off his ass and out of his SUV:
WHAT: Mass Bike Ride to Demand Safe Passage for Cyclists and Pedestrians
WHERE: Riders gather at E. 59th St and Fifth Ave and finish at Washington Square Park
WHEN: Thursday, September 15, Riders meet at 6pm and depart at 6:30
WHO: Transportation Alternatives, Families For Safe Streets, Right of Way, Black Girls Do Bike, Kidical Mass BK, WE Bike NYC, Recycle-A-Bicycle, 5BBC, Bike New York, Time's Up, CHEKPEDS, the NYC Mechanical Gardens Bike Coop, Get Women Cycling, the New York Bicycle Messenger Foundation, the Century Road Club Association, the New York Cycle Club and Bicycle Habitat.
Here's the Facebook link if you prefer your political statements to be run through the Zuckerberg filter.
So there you go.
Moving on, road bikes with excessive headset play is clearly the not new trend for 2017:
(Via @somebadideas)And hyperbole, of course, is timeless:
Since its launch, back in 2004, the Roubaix has been one of Specialized’s most important bikes. In fact, you could argue that it has been one of the most significant bikes this century, the originator of the whole ‘endurance road bike’ idea that has also given us Trek’s Domane and the Cannondale Synapse, among many, many others.
Sure. You could argue that, but you'd be absolutely crazy to do so. Granted, we're only sixteen years into the 21st century, but which do you think has been more significant during that time? The advent of bike share, or yet another plastic Fred bike? Even the much-derided (by me) Bianchi Pista has had like ten times the impact on cycling than the Roubaix, in that it was probably the first bike of thousands and thousands of new cyclists. And then you had this baby:
In comparison to all of these the Roubaix is a blip, a footnote, a single strand in the crabon layup of the metaphorical Fred chariot that is cycling.
I mean sure, the Roubaix is absolutely the most fiercely-protected bicycle model name of this century, but that's something else.
But who am I to judge? (I mean I'm right, that's just something you say.) Take a look at the video before you agree with me:
Hey, I'm not saying the suspension doesn't work, I'm just saying who the hell cares whether it does or not?
You'll never ride the race after which it is named, because the fact is you suck.
The best part of a new marketing gimmick though is when the company behind it finally admits that the previous marketing gimmick they'd been pushing for years was total BS:
The new Roubaix takes plenty of the construction lessons learned from the past; perhaps the biggest shock with the new bike is the lack of Zertz. The elastomer inserts that defined the Roubaix are no more, replaced by a mix of clever carbon construction and an innovative piece of front-end suspension.
YOU MEAN THE ZERTZ DIDN'T WORK???
I can't believe those tiny pieces of plastic inside the bigger pieces of plastic comprising the bicycle that rolls on pneumatic tires weren't totally informing the bike's ride characteristics.
Come on, you know it was bullshit when Specialized lets someone else use the name:
But I don't blame Specialized for selling a suspension road bike. They have to. Like disc brakes, the entire future of selling Freds new bikes depends on it. That's why we already have this:
And this:
And remember this?
Trust me, they're all hoping that you don't--even though this is basically the same thing, only freshened up for the 21st century with tattooed beardbros and she-bros:
That song is so fucking horrible it made me punch my cat in the face.
Hey, don't blame me, blame the bike with the integrated penis pump in the headtube:
Still needs a dropper post though.
Hey, all these bike companies better be careful: how are they going to keep working the gravel trend if the bikes get so plush we can't tell what you're riding on anymore?
September 8, 2016
Pie in the Sky: Make Way for the Fred Bus!
"On your left."
Again with this shit, seriously?
Yes. Once again there I was, riding slowly on the right-hand side of of that same empty suburban bike path, when those three annoying words jabbed me from behind like an open safety pin in the small of the back. I jumped a bit in my saddle.
Only this time it was not a Fred who uttered the phrase; rather, it was a casually-attired gentleman riding an old ten speed. As he passed, I noticed his frame was badly out of alignment--so badly that his front wheel was about four or five inches to the right of his rear wheel. In fact, it appeared that this was causing his bike to pull to the right, so every few feet he had to correct for it and veer left again.
In a way this made me feel a bit better, because I suppose if you're constantly drifting right you really have no choice but to warn people. I also couldn't help wondering if perhaps a good wheel counterbalance kit might help address his bike's handling problems, though from the state of things I imagine it would take a metric fuckload of "tungsten slugs" to correct the tracking on that piece of crap.
Speaking of "On your left," I wonder how many times you'll get to hear it during the New York City Century, which takes place this Saturday:
(Always point out potholes and road hazards to your fellow riders.)
I may or may not do the Century, I still haven't decided, because as an urban sophisticate my life is more complex than you can possibly imagine. (That's another way of saying it depends how late I stay up watching TV the night before.) Either way, the organizers would like you to know that they've added a second start site in Brooklyn, because Brooklyn is the new Manhattan and all that:
You talked, We listened.
Back by popular demand, Transportation Alternatives has added a second start site for the September 10th Century Bike Tour. While you are more than welcome to start at our new site in Manhattan, Pier 97 at 57th Street on the West Side Highway, we do understand the draw of starting an hour later so close to home.
Bib pick up & day of registration: Bicycle Habitat in Prospect Heights, 560 Vanderbilt (between Dean and Bergen streets)
Start Times: 7am for the 100-mile Century, 8am for the 62-mile Metric Century
When I lived in Brooklyn people acted like it was the other side of the planet if they even deigned to come visit you("How will I know which direction to walk when I get off the subway?!?"), now it's the center of the universe and it gets its own Century start.
Go figure.
And in other passing etiquette-related news, the Team Sky bus almost flattened somebody:*
*[WARNING: Contains the sort of NSFW language you'd expect from someone who's nearly been killed by a busload of dopers.]
It's ironic that pro road cycling is the most motor vehicle-intensive sport on the planet, and that includes actual car racing. (Car racing is driving cars, bike racing is riding bikes fast while being followed by cars.) Sure, the football douches may tweet about wanting to kill us, but at least they play their dumb game inside giant fortresses which they travel to by airplane. Meanwhile, for some reason bike racing requires so many cars and trucks and buses and motorcycles that you can pretty much count on at least one rider getting run over at some point--and now it seems this extends to non-combatants as well.
Anyway, we can all relate to how infuriating it is when a driver nearly kills you just because they're in a big hurry, and perhaps the most infuriating thing about it is that you always suspect they're rushing for completely selfish reasons. Well, in this case you know they're rushing for completely selfish reasons, because it's a fucking bike racing team, and the only way bike racers could contribute less to society would be to skip the racing altogether and just stay home and masturbate. In fact staying home and wanking would probably be more of a contribution, since at least we'd be safe from team buses and cries of "On your left!"
Pending that, if you want to feel safe you could always try wearing one of those "smart helmets," and here's yet another one:
(Via @verntasco)
It's got all the features you've come to expect from a head-mounted Volvo, such as blind spot detection:
As well as all the features drivers will completely ignore, such as turn signals:
And let's not forget navigation, because apparently the next generation of helmet designers assume people have no idea how to get around in their own cities:
Yes, you need this helmet like a hole in the head--which it's also got:
Not convinced? Me neither. Nevertheless, there's a video:
I was particularly taken with the navigation feature, and I look forward to a future in which helmets guide riders around town by shining lights on their faces:
Just follow your nose.
Best of all, "you can also livestream your commute:"
Which you should never do. I mean sure, by all means you should feel free to record your commute just in case Team Sky's bus driver runs you over, but until that happens please spare the world your unedited adventures.
Anyway, based on my own experience with a "smart helmet" I remain skeptical. Indeed, I'm not sure why people keep adding all these silly features to helmets when the biggest problem with them is what they do to your hair:
And heads.
Again with this shit, seriously?
Yes. Once again there I was, riding slowly on the right-hand side of of that same empty suburban bike path, when those three annoying words jabbed me from behind like an open safety pin in the small of the back. I jumped a bit in my saddle.
Only this time it was not a Fred who uttered the phrase; rather, it was a casually-attired gentleman riding an old ten speed. As he passed, I noticed his frame was badly out of alignment--so badly that his front wheel was about four or five inches to the right of his rear wheel. In fact, it appeared that this was causing his bike to pull to the right, so every few feet he had to correct for it and veer left again.
In a way this made me feel a bit better, because I suppose if you're constantly drifting right you really have no choice but to warn people. I also couldn't help wondering if perhaps a good wheel counterbalance kit might help address his bike's handling problems, though from the state of things I imagine it would take a metric fuckload of "tungsten slugs" to correct the tracking on that piece of crap.
Speaking of "On your left," I wonder how many times you'll get to hear it during the New York City Century, which takes place this Saturday:
(Always point out potholes and road hazards to your fellow riders.)
I may or may not do the Century, I still haven't decided, because as an urban sophisticate my life is more complex than you can possibly imagine. (That's another way of saying it depends how late I stay up watching TV the night before.) Either way, the organizers would like you to know that they've added a second start site in Brooklyn, because Brooklyn is the new Manhattan and all that:
You talked, We listened.
Back by popular demand, Transportation Alternatives has added a second start site for the September 10th Century Bike Tour. While you are more than welcome to start at our new site in Manhattan, Pier 97 at 57th Street on the West Side Highway, we do understand the draw of starting an hour later so close to home.
Bib pick up & day of registration: Bicycle Habitat in Prospect Heights, 560 Vanderbilt (between Dean and Bergen streets)
Start Times: 7am for the 100-mile Century, 8am for the 62-mile Metric Century
When I lived in Brooklyn people acted like it was the other side of the planet if they even deigned to come visit you("How will I know which direction to walk when I get off the subway?!?"), now it's the center of the universe and it gets its own Century start.
Go figure.
And in other passing etiquette-related news, the Team Sky bus almost flattened somebody:*
*[WARNING: Contains the sort of NSFW language you'd expect from someone who's nearly been killed by a busload of dopers.]
Team sky's bus almost taking me out, sorry about the language, but this needs to go viral for the safety of cyclists pic.twitter.com/nmojiJnoXf— Andy Rolfe (@AndyRolfe65) September 8, 2016Wow! Makes this seem downright considerate in comparison:
It's ironic that pro road cycling is the most motor vehicle-intensive sport on the planet, and that includes actual car racing. (Car racing is driving cars, bike racing is riding bikes fast while being followed by cars.) Sure, the football douches may tweet about wanting to kill us, but at least they play their dumb game inside giant fortresses which they travel to by airplane. Meanwhile, for some reason bike racing requires so many cars and trucks and buses and motorcycles that you can pretty much count on at least one rider getting run over at some point--and now it seems this extends to non-combatants as well.
Anyway, we can all relate to how infuriating it is when a driver nearly kills you just because they're in a big hurry, and perhaps the most infuriating thing about it is that you always suspect they're rushing for completely selfish reasons. Well, in this case you know they're rushing for completely selfish reasons, because it's a fucking bike racing team, and the only way bike racers could contribute less to society would be to skip the racing altogether and just stay home and masturbate. In fact staying home and wanking would probably be more of a contribution, since at least we'd be safe from team buses and cries of "On your left!"
Pending that, if you want to feel safe you could always try wearing one of those "smart helmets," and here's yet another one:
(Via @verntasco)
It's got all the features you've come to expect from a head-mounted Volvo, such as blind spot detection:
As well as all the features drivers will completely ignore, such as turn signals:
And let's not forget navigation, because apparently the next generation of helmet designers assume people have no idea how to get around in their own cities:
Yes, you need this helmet like a hole in the head--which it's also got:
Not convinced? Me neither. Nevertheless, there's a video:
I was particularly taken with the navigation feature, and I look forward to a future in which helmets guide riders around town by shining lights on their faces:
Just follow your nose.
Best of all, "you can also livestream your commute:"
Which you should never do. I mean sure, by all means you should feel free to record your commute just in case Team Sky's bus driver runs you over, but until that happens please spare the world your unedited adventures.
Anyway, based on my own experience with a "smart helmet" I remain skeptical. Indeed, I'm not sure why people keep adding all these silly features to helmets when the biggest problem with them is what they do to your hair:
I wore my heme(n)t and look what happened!!! Who can I sue for my hair loss??? pic.twitter.com/od3S0ZLXZL— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) August 25, 2016Who needs a helmet with lights and cameras when you can just put them on your bike? But if someone invents a helmet that will comb your hair while you wear it (and in my case also cure baldness) then I think we'll finally have a winner on our hands.
And heads.
September 7, 2016
Pay Up, Sucker: All That Speed's Not Gonna Buy Itself
In yesterday's post we took a trip back in time, all the way to the very dawn of the chain-driven symmetrical-wheeled bicycle:
Clearly we've come a long way in the last century and a quarter. I mean sure, they mostly had the whole bicycle thing figured out back then, but just imagine what a miserable experience cycling was without crucial innovations such as wheel counterbalance weights:
You know that lurching, heaving, out-of-control feeling you experience once you get your bike up to speed? Of course you don't. Nevertheless, you should add the unpredictable ride quality of improperly-balanced wheels to your list of imaginary stuff you can't feel, like the "beefiness" of your bottom bracket or the "carbon layup" of your plastic frame. Oh, also, without wheel counterbalances, you could be losing up to one (1) watt of power at 30mph:
Silca claims that upgrading a pair of wheels with the SpeedBalance kit will save just over one watt at 30mph — slightly more savings than upgrading that same wheelset to ceramic bearings, the company claims.
This is ironic, because it's a scientific fact that the sorts of Freds who pay $36 for wheel counterbalance weights are wholly incapable of sustaining speeds anywhere close to 30mph unless they're traveling downhill.*
*[WARNING: Do not attempt to ride your bicycle downhill without using wheel counterbalance weights. Attempting to do so will result in speed wobble and death.]
By the way, can you imagine how insanely fast you'd be on a bike equipped with both a SpeedBalance kit and ceramic bearings?**
**[WARNING: Do not attempt to ride a bicycle equipped with both a SpeedBalance kit and ceramic bearings. Attempting to do so could turn your bicycle into a perpetual motion machine that continues to accelerate infinitely until you disappear into a black hole and emerge in another dimension.]
And if you're not convinced, just watch this video, where he spins a bike's wheel while it's on a stand:
I stopped watching at "tungsten slugs," but as far as I'm concerned the real takeaway here is that carbon wheels are fucking stupid.
If you really think about it though, the SpeedBalance kit is nothing short of genius, because while it's absurdly expensive for what it is (and what it is is nothing), Freds will still think it's a bargain because, you know, it's only $36. That's less than $40!!! How could you not buy it? That's why I'm pleased to announce the launch of my new wheel consultancy service.
Yes, for a mere $150 (that's per wheel) I'll perform a full balancing. Will it make any kind of difference to you out there on the road? Well, no, but when I put your bike on the stand you'll marvel at how the valve stems don't wind up at the bottom, which is exactly the sort of detail that screams "performance" to your fellow Freds when you're prepping your bike in the parking lot before the Fondo. Of course, that fee doesn't include the price of the weights, which of course I sell at a considerable mark-up. I also don't perform wheel truing, or flat repair, or hub overhauls, or really anything at all that requires any sort of expertise or that will make an actual difference to the function and performance of your wheels and bicycle. (For that, you'll have to go to something called a "bike shop," which is like a website with a front door.)
Not only that, but for an additional $50 per wheel I'll custom-curate your tire pressure based on your preferred terrain and body mass index. (Please note this service is subject to a $75 per wheel gravel upcharge. Please supply 500 grams of the gravel you'll be riding for expert analysis.)
I figure I can get away with this for a few years, at which point the wheel companies will get wise to the whole thing and start selling pre-balanced and pre-inflated wheelsets with proprietary valves, so when you need to air them up or change your pressure for a specific event you have to send them back to the factory.
But of course even the most perfectly-balanced and expertly-inflated wheelset won't yield optimum performance if you don't use it with the right equipment--especially on gravel, that magical road surface which has led the industry to a whole new world of marketing opportunity:
Sure, by now you already have the gravel-specific frame, and the gravel-specific wheels, and the even the gravel-specific shorts. (Yep, that's a thing now.) But do you also have a gravel-specific suspension fork?
Watching the fork track over fine grit and gravel reveals just how much work the fork is doing — it feels like you’ve triple-wrapped your bars. The effect of this on longer rides is that hand fatigue is greatly reduced.
Oh, really? It feels like triple-wrapping your bars? Well here's a crazy idea:
Why not just skip the goofy fork and triple-wrap your bars???
There, I just saved you $790, not to mention looking like an idiot. Seriously, with that stupid thing on your bike even recumbent riders would be pointing and laughing.
So now you've got the balanced wheels and the bouncy fork, but don't close your wallet just yet because there's still some untapped performance out there! Indeed, I was amazed to learn recently from a friend that Shimano is now offering a proprietary shoe-and-sock combo:
S-Phyre Socks
To round out the footwear package, the S-Phyre RC9 and XC9 shoes are sold with color-matched socks. Shimano studied the shoe-sock interface (yes, it sounds a little crazy to us too!) to create a system that it says helps promote efficient pedaling through optimal ankle angles. An ankle guide is woven into the socks to ensure efficient pedaling rotation through the 360-degree pedal rotation and the socks have an anti-slip heel for better power transfer. We presume the socks are compatible with other types of shoes but not recommended for sandals.
Yeah, that's right Freds, it turns out you've been hemorrhaging watts at the ankles and heels.
Of course, for the ultimate in weight savings and power transfer, you should skip the footwear altogether and surgically attach the cleat right to your foot:
I'm going to start training right now to become the world's finest Fred farrier.
Clearly we've come a long way in the last century and a quarter. I mean sure, they mostly had the whole bicycle thing figured out back then, but just imagine what a miserable experience cycling was without crucial innovations such as wheel counterbalance weights:
You know that lurching, heaving, out-of-control feeling you experience once you get your bike up to speed? Of course you don't. Nevertheless, you should add the unpredictable ride quality of improperly-balanced wheels to your list of imaginary stuff you can't feel, like the "beefiness" of your bottom bracket or the "carbon layup" of your plastic frame. Oh, also, without wheel counterbalances, you could be losing up to one (1) watt of power at 30mph:
Silca claims that upgrading a pair of wheels with the SpeedBalance kit will save just over one watt at 30mph — slightly more savings than upgrading that same wheelset to ceramic bearings, the company claims.
This is ironic, because it's a scientific fact that the sorts of Freds who pay $36 for wheel counterbalance weights are wholly incapable of sustaining speeds anywhere close to 30mph unless they're traveling downhill.*
*[WARNING: Do not attempt to ride your bicycle downhill without using wheel counterbalance weights. Attempting to do so will result in speed wobble and death.]
By the way, can you imagine how insanely fast you'd be on a bike equipped with both a SpeedBalance kit and ceramic bearings?**
**[WARNING: Do not attempt to ride a bicycle equipped with both a SpeedBalance kit and ceramic bearings. Attempting to do so could turn your bicycle into a perpetual motion machine that continues to accelerate infinitely until you disappear into a black hole and emerge in another dimension.]
And if you're not convinced, just watch this video, where he spins a bike's wheel while it's on a stand:
I stopped watching at "tungsten slugs," but as far as I'm concerned the real takeaway here is that carbon wheels are fucking stupid.
If you really think about it though, the SpeedBalance kit is nothing short of genius, because while it's absurdly expensive for what it is (and what it is is nothing), Freds will still think it's a bargain because, you know, it's only $36. That's less than $40!!! How could you not buy it? That's why I'm pleased to announce the launch of my new wheel consultancy service.
Yes, for a mere $150 (that's per wheel) I'll perform a full balancing. Will it make any kind of difference to you out there on the road? Well, no, but when I put your bike on the stand you'll marvel at how the valve stems don't wind up at the bottom, which is exactly the sort of detail that screams "performance" to your fellow Freds when you're prepping your bike in the parking lot before the Fondo. Of course, that fee doesn't include the price of the weights, which of course I sell at a considerable mark-up. I also don't perform wheel truing, or flat repair, or hub overhauls, or really anything at all that requires any sort of expertise or that will make an actual difference to the function and performance of your wheels and bicycle. (For that, you'll have to go to something called a "bike shop," which is like a website with a front door.)
Not only that, but for an additional $50 per wheel I'll custom-curate your tire pressure based on your preferred terrain and body mass index. (Please note this service is subject to a $75 per wheel gravel upcharge. Please supply 500 grams of the gravel you'll be riding for expert analysis.)
I figure I can get away with this for a few years, at which point the wheel companies will get wise to the whole thing and start selling pre-balanced and pre-inflated wheelsets with proprietary valves, so when you need to air them up or change your pressure for a specific event you have to send them back to the factory.
But of course even the most perfectly-balanced and expertly-inflated wheelset won't yield optimum performance if you don't use it with the right equipment--especially on gravel, that magical road surface which has led the industry to a whole new world of marketing opportunity:
Sure, by now you already have the gravel-specific frame, and the gravel-specific wheels, and the even the gravel-specific shorts. (Yep, that's a thing now.) But do you also have a gravel-specific suspension fork?
Watching the fork track over fine grit and gravel reveals just how much work the fork is doing — it feels like you’ve triple-wrapped your bars. The effect of this on longer rides is that hand fatigue is greatly reduced.
Oh, really? It feels like triple-wrapping your bars? Well here's a crazy idea:
Why not just skip the goofy fork and triple-wrap your bars???
There, I just saved you $790, not to mention looking like an idiot. Seriously, with that stupid thing on your bike even recumbent riders would be pointing and laughing.
So now you've got the balanced wheels and the bouncy fork, but don't close your wallet just yet because there's still some untapped performance out there! Indeed, I was amazed to learn recently from a friend that Shimano is now offering a proprietary shoe-and-sock combo:
S-Phyre Socks
To round out the footwear package, the S-Phyre RC9 and XC9 shoes are sold with color-matched socks. Shimano studied the shoe-sock interface (yes, it sounds a little crazy to us too!) to create a system that it says helps promote efficient pedaling through optimal ankle angles. An ankle guide is woven into the socks to ensure efficient pedaling rotation through the 360-degree pedal rotation and the socks have an anti-slip heel for better power transfer. We presume the socks are compatible with other types of shoes but not recommended for sandals.
Yeah, that's right Freds, it turns out you've been hemorrhaging watts at the ankles and heels.
Of course, for the ultimate in weight savings and power transfer, you should skip the footwear altogether and surgically attach the cleat right to your foot:
I'm going to start training right now to become the world's finest Fred farrier.
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