Rosa Say's Blog: Managing with Aloha, page 29

Find your Doubting Thomases

I happened to overhear this said in a workplace I taught at recently, as we tackled one of their challenges in a rigorous series of small group break-out sessions:

“Easy for you to say.”

It’s a disheartening attitude that can crop up in the best of workplaces. That, or its variant, “Easy for them to say” could be a response I’d get from others as manager too, staff and peers alike, whether it was said to me directly, with a sigh and doubtful shake of the head, or muttered under someone’s breath as they slumped their shoulders and started to walk away, thinking the conversation was over.

It wasn’t over. I might give them a bit of a respite in that particular moment, feeling it best that we both had a cleansing break to think about what we had already discussed, and I’d say so as reassuringly as possible, for to be sure, the conversation was not over. We would schedule our follow-up conversation right there and then.

Doubt couldn’t secure a foothold in our workplace. Good, inquisitive questioning, yes, but disheartened doubt? No way.

We Desired Shift, and we Chose Change

The conversation would have started around our defining an issue —take your pick, virtually any issue might apply. It would have then involved brainstorming possible scenarios for resolution, and finally, deciding on the likeliest possibility that would give us a more successful probability: We were looking for some shift, and we were choosing our change.

Hopefully we were doing it early enough in our response to whatever the less-than-optimal scenario was at the time, so that the change we chose was;

proactive (primarily of our design and our discretion) and


not reactive (imposed on us by someone else, because we had waited too long to take action ourselves).

Reactive situations are always tougher, yet both can be fertile ground for doubt; even good change can be challenging, for often, we can’t naturally trust in yet unseen outcomes.

The “someone else” could be a higher-level executive, owner, or board of directors. They say they step in when we take too long to handle the business ourselves, and much as we hate to admit it, nine times out of ten, that’s a fairly accurate assessment.

In those times, “Easy for you to say” was not a statement directed at me, but one I would hear people say to each other, or I would see in those shadows of doubt I could read in their faces. If I was their manager, that didn’t sit well with me either, and I had to seek better engagement for all of us kukupa‘u (literally, “with great enthusiasm”)

We Called on our Values

A large part of my coaching to managers when I facilitated these Shift Sessions, as we called them, was that we had to leave the room KĀKOU, “all in” and ready to proceed together in our separate areas of operation. We had to be LŌKAHI, unified and harmonious in our intentions and in our actions, so that in turn, our staff would trust in us as a well-functioning management team and not only as individual leaders (or renegades).

You need a whole lot of trust and belief when you are looking for shift and introducing change. People generally don’t resist change in itself, they resist being changed, particularly by others they have little confidence in.

Baby steps would often apply (next-stepping) as we sought KĀKOU and LŌKAHI, so we could secure small wins, and build the momentum we needed for the change completely desired.

“Get my drift?” As a manager, you have to!

“Easy for you to say” can mean a bunch of different things. Here are just three examples (for there are more):

1. It can mean, “This will be a piece of cake for you in your situation and position, but it will be much more challenging for me. Fasten your seat belts, for we’re in for a rough ride.”

2. It can mean, “Yes, I’m agreeing to this because we went through the decision process together and I know that’s the expectation I have to fulfill, but I still don’t buy in completely. Fasten your seat belts, for we’re in for a rough ride.”

3. It can mean, “Others will do this for you (or for your position in the organization), but not for me (and not in mine). Fasten your seat belts, for we’re in for a rough ride.”

That’s why I said the conversation was never over for me: I knew that second sentence was always part of the kaona (hidden meaning and implication) of each one. Unless we addressed the first part of each possible meaning to “Easy for you to say,” the second part of “Fasten your seat belts, for we’re in for a rough ride” would certainly happen.

Savvy managers also know there is an element of truth to the probability that accepting handed-down decisions IS a little easier for them. Patrick Lencioni explains it well in this passage:

“What executives believe are small disconnects between them and their peers actually look like major rifts to people deeper in the organization. And when those people deeper in the organization try to resolve the differences among themselves, they often become engaged in bloody and time-consuming battles, with no possibility for resolution… When an executive decides not to confront a peer about a potential disagreement, he or she is dooming employees to waste time, money, and emotional energy dealing with unsolvable issues. This causes the best employees to start looking for jobs in less dysfunctional organizations, and it creates an environment of disillusionment, distrust, and exhaustion for those who stay.”

—Patrick Lencioni, The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive


The values of KULEANA and HO‘OHANOHANO would often prove helpful in these cases too: KULEANA to help us recognize our own ownership challenges with assuming personal responsibility for change, and HO‘OHANOHANO as a reminder of the demeanor required of us as professionals. Said another way, a valid response to “Easy for you to say,” when tactful and sincerely helpful, is “What instead, would be easy for you to say, and equally or more effective?” You can then continue the conversation that will help that person secure their small, but momentum-building win.

Over to you….

Why else do you suppose it is important that you find the Doubting Thomas where you work, or in any situation where you want to achieve shift? How can you get them to be a Thomas the Believer?

How would you respond to any or all of those three possibilities above, whether you are managing a team, or willing to engage in peer-to-peer coaching? Might it be different in a situation with your friends, or within your family?

In my last post, I shared the 7 Steps for Resolving Customer Complaints. There is one step in particular, where you’ll want to watch for doubt as a highly effective problem-solver: Which do you think it is, and how can you be more proactive?

Doubting Thomas is a term that is used to describe someone who will refuse to believe something without direct, physical, personal evidence; a skeptic.

The Incredulity of Saint Thomas by Caravaggio.

The term is based on the Biblical account of Thomas the Apostle, who doubted the resurrection of Jesus and demanded to feel Jesus’ wounds before being convinced (John 20:24-29) … After seeing Jesus alive and being offered the opportunity to touch his wounds — according to the author of the Gospel of John — Thomas professed his faith in Jesus; on this account he is also called Thomas the Believer.

—From Wikipedia

Archive Aloha with related reading:

On ‘good questioning’ and managing well: Managing: Learn how to ask “Why?”
On Hō‘imi and Value-Verbing: Palena ‘ole Positivity is Hō‘imi— look for it
“Tell me more.” is another variation of Speak up, I’m listening.

7 Steps for Resolving Customer Complaints

Unhappy customers are bad news for any company, and it only takes one of them to shatter a perfectly good day at work for everyone. It only takes one of them to steer many more prospective customers away from you.

Unhappy customers have their reasons. Some don’t feel well, some have unrealistic expectations, and others may just have lousy dispositions. However, we must be honest; others may have a legitimate gripe, for somehow, some way, we may have been the catalyst that tipped the scale to take them from annoyed to cranky to downright unhappy.

Whatever the cause, unhappy customers are still our guests and our hope for future business, and we want them happy again. Said another way, the customer may not always be right, but he or she will always be the customer we want and we need. So we need to take control of customer complaints and turn them to our advantage.

Here are 7 steps for resolving customer complaints which have proven to work well. Do not let time lapse and make things worse with your avoidance. Approach the customer as soon as you learn they are unhappy, and;

1. Listen Intently: Listen to the customer, and do not interrupt them. They need to tell their story and feel that they have been heard.

2. Thank Them: Thank the customer for bringing the problem to your attention. You can’t resolve something you aren’t completely aware of, or may be making faulty assumptions about.

3. Apologize: Sincerely convey to the customer your apology for the way the situation has made them feel. This is not the time for preachy reasons, justifications or excuses; you must apologize.

4. Seek the Best Solution: Determine what the customer is seeking as a solution. Ask them; often they’ll surprise you for asking for less than you initially thought you’d have to give – especially when they perceive your apology and intention is genuinely sincere.

5. Reach Agreement: Seek to agree on the solution that will resolve the situation to their satisfaction. Your best intentions can miss the mark completely if you still fail to deliver what the customer wants.

6. Take Quick Action: Act on the solution with a sense of urgency. Customers will often respond more positively to your focus on helping them immediately versus than on the solution itself.

7. Follow-up: Follow-up to ensure the customer is completely satisfied, especially when you have had to enlist the help of others for the solution delivery. Everything up to this point will be for naught if the customer feels that “out of sight is out of mind.”

Problems happen. It’s how you honestly acknowledge and handle them which counts with people. Customers will remember you, and happily give you another chance to delight them when you choose to correct problems with the very best you can offer, proving you value them and their business.

Footnote:

Does this sound familiar to you? I had originally published this several years ago for another site, and decided it belonged here on ManagingWithAloha.com as well.

This checklist has been in my basics toolbox for as long as I can remember managing: It was a must-know HO‘OKIPA complement in the early days of my career in Hawai‘i’s hospitality business, and later, I was sure to cover it in my New Manager’s Supervisory Toolkit. It can be helpful in any customer service training you do, and not just for managers – who, in your organization, will normally feel the first barrage of a complaint? Equip them.

The checklist is nowhere near rocket science, but execution of it can be spotty at best; a healthy dose of bravery and self-confidence is required, for the conversation can be challenging. No one likes confrontation of any kind, but we can be more courageous about tackling difficult conversations when we feel equipped with a solid and proven plan. What I personally like best about this checklist, is that we partner with the customer, and we work with them to find the very best solution possible.

Perhaps the biggest stumbling block in execution, is that no one wants to admit they’re wrong, especially when they’re the ones charged with solving a situation that arose elsewhere. The goal of this checklist isn’t admitting to wrongs – don’t confuse that with the sincere, and always necessary apology in step 3. The goal here is Ho‘oponopono — make the situation right again. Follow up internally too, and cure any root cause so the situation which caused the complaint won’t ever be repeated again.

All Conversations Are Not Created Equal

When I ask managers, “How often do you speak with your staff?” most will usually reply with “Every day! Or, at least every other day or so.”

However, if I ask their staff the same question, “How often do you speak with your manager?” the answer is very different.

They will usually say something like, “Well, let me think…” and get that look on their face people get when trying to remember something that happened a while back. Often, (way more often than I’d like to hear it), they’ll follow up with, “Um, does my last performance review count?”

Neither person is lying to me, and they aren’t intentionally trying to gloss things over. So why the difference?

All conversations are not created equal.

To the manager, “speaking with” someone is saying anything at all: It’s communicating something, and that includes one-way communication – like the stuff they’ll broadcast to a group in a pre-shift meeting. To most managers, “speaking with” is as simple as their daily greeting walking through a workplace.

“Speaking with” is quite different to their staff. It’s two-way communication where they get the chance to say something too. It’s input. It’s discussion. Conversation means conversing — as it should! Agreement and consensus isn’t necessary, but both people feel they got their chance to speak up about something, and they feel they were heard.

The difference is important. Bridging the difference between the two is where the manager-employee relationship becomes healthy enough so a true workplace partnership is formed, then strongly forged over time to mutual benefit.

If you are an Alaka‘i Manager, or aspiring to be one, your goal must be conversational staff relationships where whomever I ask will respond, “We speak with each other all the time. Not every day, but whenever we need to, for sure. He (or she) is there for me.”

Here’s how to make that happen.

Alaka‘i Managers will:

Constantly work on their approachability, so their staff feels a Circle of Comfort exists between them, a circle they can immediately step into — not only when the mood or timing is right. Healthy workplaces can handle the volatility that may come with the territory in that pressure cooker called ‘a business‘ — they handle it with strong coworker relationships.
Make space for deeper and more creative conversations to happen. ‘Deeper’ as in where the rest of the world essentially melts away, and there is true focus on the issue at hand. ‘Creative’ as in idea generation, and for “What if?” questioning and proposition. To “make space” for others, managers must get their own act together. They can’t be forever working reactively and in catch-up mode. (Get more help via the Key 4 Archives: The Role of the Manager Reconstructed.)
Capitalize on, and optimize conversation. Great managers will work at getting better at talking story, and at conversation that becomes the easy, practical, relevant, and meaningful tool it can be. They will foster collaborative work by means of conversation, and seek more mutual agreement, working on the quality of each and every conversation they have. Every single one.
Use conversations for lifelong learning. This is what The Daily 5 Minutes in Managing with Aloha is all about — learning from other people who have much to teach you, and give to you. When I bring D5M to a workplace culture via a workshop or my coaching work, 1., 2., and 3. on this list must happen first, or at the same time if they are to truly be successful with it.
Foster a workplace culture where conversation, water-cooler small talk, and talking story is considered the good stuff included in work. This is not just about the manager: Your staff will need to forge conversational relationships amongst each other too. The Alaka‘i Manager encourages these conversations in the way work actually gets done, and gets done better. Going even further on this one, Alaka‘i Managers will not tolerate the exclusionary behaviors that can create silos.

Don’t fall prey to giving mixed messages on these. For instance, there is no arm-crossing in a Circle of Comfort, and body language is important. When you converse, look up from whatever else you were doing, and make eye contact — ignore your phone!

Consider number 5: When you see people huddled together, step into their circle if you feel you must, and participate in the conversation. Don’t assume they were goofing off, and simply throw out something like, “Okay, okay, that’s enough. Get back to work.” Give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume they were working!

[Review the Basic Human Rights from the standpoint of an employee here.]

One of the best things about good, filled-with-ALOHA conversations is that they make work easier. They certainly make it better.

Archive Aloha ~ Related articles if you missed them:

Speak up, I’m listening.
Anything and Everything to Talk About (About Conversational Customer Service).
Managing: Learn how to ask “Why?”
Tear Down Your Walls
The Acid Test of a Healthy Workplace Culture

Read more about The Daily 5 Minutes in this free book excerpt:

‘Ike loa (Chapter 11).

Info about The Daily 5 Minutes workshop is at RosaSay.com.

More conversational value-verbing ~ Skim the post titles using these site tags:

talking story
good questioning
problem solving
asking for help
story telling
And why we do this! Next-stepping and other Verbs

You can’t “Be fair.”� Be consistent. (Redux)

Preface: This is a reprint of a posting done for TalkingStory.org back in February of 2011. I have found that the title of this post can be quite a controversial statement when I happen to say it in one of my workshops, and sure enough, it played out that way again recently, stirring up an emotional discussion about policy and procedure (abiding by “the rules”) versus exercising managerial discretion. This time, I chose to let it play out among the workshop participants themselves, for they all worked for the same company, and it was clearly a discussion they needed to have.

How would the conversation happen where you work? Talking story through this statement – You can’t “Be fair.”� Be consistent. – can be fabulous practice at sorting out definitions in your own Language of Intention (MWA Key Concept #5).

Striving for fairness when you’re managing can really be a losing battle.

You can’t accurately define fairness unless the people in a squabble are operating with exactly the same set of values —and the same hierarchy of value driving relevance.

Chances are, your team is a jumble of competing personal values: Diversity makes a workplace rich and interesting. However it also means that whatever will be fair to one person, will not be perceived as fair by the other.

Don’t settle for being a referee.

You don’t want to be a King Solomon either.

There’s a much better strategy

Opt for consistency in your value mapping by standing up for your own beliefs, and not theirs. In a word, LEAD. Lead with courage and the conviction of your values.

Let’s talk this through…

What you need to strive for, as someone managing people with separate motivations, must be in alignment with your own values as an Alaka‘i Manager: Walk your talk, and have your talk align with your beliefs. Create a workplace culture representative of your expectations, whether you’ve adopted Managing with Aloha as your operational philosophy or something different.

As a giver of workplace decisions, you’re the one who needs to be consistent, unafraid to say, “This is how it will be, and this is why.”� Speak your own truth and stick to it, no matter who your receivers are in the conversation at hand. They don’t need to be consistent. If you’re the manager, you do.

And think about this for a second:

Let’s say you’re my manager, and I want your direction in a disagreement I’m having with a co-worker. I don’t want you to be fair. I want you to take my side, and tell me I’m right!

So be able to tell those who are value-aligned with your workplace expectations that they are on the right track. Be able to tell those who aren’t value-aligned, that you feel they need more clarity, and then be able to give it to them tactfully and respectfully.

Great managers are predictable managers

Let’s say you don’t do so, and you direct me in a way that goes counter to the value expectations the workplace culture sets for me.  Said another way, you change your mind, or you get wishy-washy and wimp out, falling in the dangerous trap of tacit approval. (See more about tacit approval in the footnote.)

As an employee who has sought your guidance and direction, I’m going to feel confused and lost. I won’t know when to believe you, and when not to, so I begin to tune you out. I may even start to avoid you altogether, because you represent this walking time bomb to me, and I’m not quite sure when you’ll go off.

We all choose workplaces without those kind of landmines. I much rather have you be clear and consistent, even when I don’t agree with you, for as my Boss of Crystal Clear Expectations you are now completely predictable for me. I can depend on you. I can count on you.

We never depend on managers who have a reputation of being volatile and unpredictable. On the other hand…

The mentors we choose are unwavering in their beliefs

Most mentors are assertive and dogmatic, and we admire that they are. We feel more comfortable with their strength, and in the atmosphere of value assurance they set. We can guess what they would say to us about most issues if we asked their opinion, and they become a guardian angel sitting on our shoulder. We say, “they have integrity”� because they never shy from speaking the truth of their personal values and demonstrating them.

And you know what? In our bigger picture, grander scheme of life, we’ll always defend them by saying, “Well, I didn’t always like it when the decision didn’t go my way, but there were no surprises, and they were fair.”�

How about that! I guess you can be fair. You’ve just got to arrive there with the confidence and consistency of your convictions.

Tacit Approval: Don’t you dare give it!

What is it?

Let’s say you are the manager. Tacit approval happens when:

a) a direct-report of yours does something wrong

b) you become aware of it

c) that direct-report and/or others within your workplace are aware of both a) and b)

d) you do nothing about it and let it slide

As a result, you have given tacit approval for that wrong which was committed.

Your silent message to everyone else can be interpreted in several different ways, and none of them are good.

Managers must have the courage to address every wrong in the workplace, for wrongs are culture-breakers that chip away integrity. Every discipline can be turned into a teachable moment.

Corrective action is as simple as a conversation which unemotionally states, “I know what happened. Let’s talk about it.”� Then listen, and let the other person lead where the conversation has to go. End the conversation with an agreement where they fix their own problem and you are not taking on any clean-up they can handle within their own sphere of influence, ability and capacity.

Look for that teachable moment and never, ever shy away from disciplinary discussions which need to happen. Alaka‘i managers enjoy the teaching and the coaching, and even the problem-solving. They enjoy creating a workplace environment where people can achieve their very best, and grow to BE their best, and there is absolutely no place in healthy workplace cultures for tacit approval.

You can’t “Be fair.” Be consistent. (Redux)

Preface: This is a reprint of a posting done for TalkingStory.org back in February of 2012. I have found that the title of this post can be quite a controversial statement when I happen to say it in one of my workshops, and sure enough, it played out that way again recently, stirring up an emotional discussion about policy and procedure (abiding by “the rules”) versus exercising managerial discretion. This time, I chose to let it play out among the workshop participants themselves, for they all worked for the same company, and it was clearly a discussion they needed to have.

How would the conversation happen where you work? Talking story through this statement – You can’t “Be fair.” Be consistent. – can be fabulous practice at sorting out definitions in your own Language of Intention (MWA Key Concept #5).

Striving for fairness when you’re managing can really be a losing battle.

You can’t accurately define fairness unless the people in a squabble are operating with exactly the same set of values —and the same hierarchy of value driving relevance.

Chances are, your team is a jumble of competing personal values: Diversity makes a workplace rich and interesting. However it also means that whatever will be fair to one person, will not be perceived as fair by the other.

Don’t settle for being a referee.

You don’t want to be a King Solomon either.

There’s a much better strategy

Opt for consistency in your value mapping by standing up for your own beliefs, and not theirs. In a word, LEAD. Lead with courage and the conviction of your values.

Let’s talk this through…

What you need to strive for, as someone managing people with separate motivations, must be in alignment with your own values as an Alaka‘i Manager: Walk your talk, and have your talk align with your beliefs. Create a workplace culture representative of your expectations, whether you’ve adopted Managing with Aloha as your operational philosophy or something different.

As a giver of workplace decisions, you’re the one who needs to be consistent, unafraid to say, “This is how it will be, and this is why.” Speak your own truth and stick to it, no matter who your receivers are in the conversation at hand. They don’t need to be consistent. If you’re the manager, you do.

And think about this for a second:

Let’s say you’re my manager, and I want your direction in a disagreement I’m having with a co-worker. I don’t want you to be fair. I want you to take my side, and tell me I’m right!

So be able to tell those who are value-aligned with your workplace expectations that they are on the right track. Be able to tell those who aren’t value-aligned, that you feel they need more clarity, and then be able to give it to them tactfully and respectfully.

Great managers are predictable managers

Let’s say you don’t do so, and you direct me in a way that goes counter to the value expectations the workplace culture sets for me.  Said another way, you change your mind, or you get wishy-washy and wimp out, falling in the dangerous trap of tacit approval. (See more about tacit approval in the footnote.)

As an employee who has sought your guidance and direction, I’m going to feel confused and lost. I won’t know when to believe you, and when not to, so I begin to tune you out. I may even start to avoid you altogether, because you represent this walking time bomb to me, and I’m not quite sure when you’ll go off.

We all choose workplaces without those kind of landmines. I much rather have you be clear and consistent, even when I don’t agree with you, for as my Boss of Crystal Clear Expectations you are now completely predictable for me. I can depend on you. I can count on you.

We never depend on managers who have a reputation of being volatile and unpredictable. On the other hand…

The mentors we choose are unwavering in their beliefs

Most mentors are assertive and dogmatic, and we admire that they are. We feel more comfortable with their strength, and in the atmosphere of value assurance they set. We can guess what they would say to us about most issues if we asked their opinion, and they become a guardian angel sitting on our shoulder. We say, “they have integrity” because they never shy from speaking the truth of their personal values and demonstrating them.

And you know what? In our bigger picture, grander scheme of life, we’ll always defend them by saying, “Well, I didn’t always like it when the decision didn’t go my way, but there were no surprises, and they were fair.”

How about that! I guess you can be fair. You’ve just got to arrive there with the confidence and consistency of your convictions.

Tacit Approval: Don’t you dare give it!

What is it?

Let’s say you are the manager. Tacit approval happens when:

a) a direct-report of yours does something wrong

b) you become aware of it

c) that direct-report and/or others within your workplace are aware of both a) and b)

d) you do nothing about it and let it slide

As a result, you have given tacit approval for that wrong which was committed.

Your silent message to everyone else can be interpreted in several different ways, and none of them are good.



Every discipline can be turned into a teachable moment.

It is as simple as a conversation which unemotionally states, “I know what happened. Let’s talk about it.” Then listen, and let the other person lead where the conversation has to go. End the conversation with an agreement where they fix their own problem and you are not taking on any clean-up they can handle within their own sphere of influence, ability and capacity.

Look for that teachable moment and never, ever shy away from disciplinary discussions which need to happen. Alaka‘i managers enjoy the teaching and the coaching, and even the problem-solving. They enjoy creating a workplace environment where people can achieve their very best, and grow to BE their best, and there is absolutely no place in healthy workplace cultures for tacit approval.

“I’m a manager.”

Here’s a goal I’m hoping you’ll consider grabbing as your own:

When you meet someone for the first time, and they ask, “What is it that you do?” answer them with, “I’m a manager.”

I’ll be deliriously happy, if you go beyond those 3 simple words, and say, “I’m a manager, and I’m learning to be an Alaka‘i Manager by working within my values.”

Most of us don’t answer in the first way, much less the second. To say “I’m a manager.” doesn’t seem to be enough, and we add to it, or bypass it totally, by telling the person we’ve met about our company or our industry, feeling we have to be a manager within something else if we’re to fully answer their question.

So we respond by talking about our work as the work connected to another entity or brand, when we should kūpono — stand up for the work we do as individuals of integrity, who feel that managing is in itself admirable and contribution-worthy.

Because it is. Big time.

Managing matters. However, you have to believe that for yourself before anyone else will.

I started by saying “Here’s a goal” because I understand that you may need to work your way toward feeling that pleasure of managing you’ve fallen in love with. And that’s okay, we all go on that journey of self-confidence.

And there is definitely pleasure to be had on the journey. Come to think of it, the second answer, “I’m a manager, and I’m learning to be an Alaka‘i Manager by working within my values.” may be the better one — the more immediate one, because if you’re reading these words, it’s absolutely, positively true!

When it comes to that first meeting with someone, it will be a lively conversation starter, I assure you, for they will probably say something like, “An Alaka‘i Manager? Tell me more about that, would you?”

And you can!

There are managers, and then there are great managers.

The great ones, are those we call Alaka‘i Managers in Managing with Aloha: They manage because they have a calling to do so, and that calling is to elevate the human condition, particularly in that sphere of influence we call the workplace. That is where they choose to lead as well, Leading with Aloha.

It is extremely exciting to see those lights of recognition and renewal go on in managers’ eyes when they realize that the hard work of management can evolve into the gift of a calling in their lives…

…Read more, at A Manager’s Calling

You may also want to review People Who Do Good Work

Anything and Everything to Talk About

Early morning most Saturdays, you’ll find me at one of our Big Island Farmers Markets. Ours is an island where edibles can grow so well, plant and animal alike. I wish there were even more who would make their living farming the land, but thankfully, those who do show up at our markets each weekend to celebrate their bounty and share it.

Come spring and summer, my purchasing dollars get evenly split between what we’ll prepare for the week’s meals thanks to these farmers, and what we’ll grow ourselves in my very small kitchen garden. I rarely buy seed packets anymore, for I’ve learned what a true bargain seedlings in $1 baby pots or $3 veggie starters really are: They’re in exactly right mulch-mixed potting soil, flourishing with intuitively timed doses of organic fertilizing boosters. They look supremely healthy in their pot yet eager to stretch in the garden — and they are! Why wait for seeds, when you can buy these instead?

Sometimes I get carried away and buy a tray full, with temptation making it very easy to do, especially when season begins and I know my garden plot is primed and ready to receive. Usually however, I’ll force myself to pick just 2 or 3 starters at most so I can give them more of my appreciative attentions during the week to come: I acclimate in the spot I’ve picked out first, and transplant to garden or deck pot two or three days later.

I do this nearly each and every week, only skipping those Saturdays when travel for work keeps me away. There are two growers I frequent most: One specializes in herbs and veggie starters, and the other in succulents and native Hawaiian plants. I’ve enjoyed several conversations with both of them, finding they know their products exceptionally well, and will answer my questions with graciousness and generosity.

So imagine my crushing disappointment, when I approached the herb and veggie grower’s booth, ready to buy as I usually do, and was greeted with, “just looking?”

When you’re good at ‘talking story’ you’re great at Customer Service.

And when you’re not, you’re not.

The good news, is that everyone CAN be good at talking story given more encouragement to do so.

Innocent encounters such as this one, are goldmines of opportunity squandered in businesses large and small each and every day. Their golden opportunity is why I trumpet the goodness of conversation in so much of what we do as Alaka‘i Managers and Managing with Aloha practitioners. More often than not, I find that the best customer service training possible, is having managers train and coach their staff in the art of conversation, so that small talk will lead to the sales they want.

Warmly sincere and artful small talk creates a circle of comfort which embraces your customer.

On the other hand, the casually thrown out there “Just looking?” seems impersonal and thoughtless (and usually is), keeps customers at arms length, and worse, will push them away. I have bought so much from this veggie and herb lady; how could she be so flippant and dismissive? I’m sure that wasn’t her intention at all, but I know how little it would have taken for her to do so much better in greeting me.

The ease of creating that ‘little’ is what your customer service training must be about. I’d have been over the moon if she asked, “How is your tarragon doing?” or even, “Hello! Good to see you again.” I didn’t feel I was a stranger to her anymore… why did she treat me like one?

“We don’t sell; we help the customer buy.”

I shared the story of this quotation in Managing with Aloha’s chapter on HO‘OKIPA, “the hospitality of complete giving.” It was a motto adopted by the Mea Ho‘okipa of The Club Shop at Hualalai because the notion of assertive up-selling grated on them, and they wanted to achieve the same thing — better sales results — with a different, softer approach, one that amounted to cultivating a relationship with all potential buyers. An excerpt:

A common sight in The Club Shop was of husbands and sons sitting in the overstuffed arm chairs we had near the shop windows that overlooked the 18th green: They were waiting for the women in their lives to shop. They weren’t buyers, and the staff instinctively knew they didn’t want to be “sold,” but to our Mea Ho‘okipa, they were guests, and all guests needed to have every single comfort they could give them. It might be they needed small talk; it might be they’d prefer the morning paper and some coffee; it might be they’d just arrived and could use some inside-knowledge on the rest of the resort … whatever it was, they got it, yet they had almost never asked for it —they’d expected to impatiently sit and be bored.

As you can imagine their wives were thrilled with the attention paid to their men, for they could now shop in peace, and without much guilt; their purchase dollar increased. Those who were golfers were introduced to our golf professionals simply for the pleasure of good conversation. Perhaps they were given a putter and sleeve of balls to practice their short game and just kill time, and we booked more lessons. And guess what else happened? These were the men who would come back before Valentine’s Day or Christmas, walk up to the person who had helped their wives, and say, “Do you remember me? Would you help me find a gift for my wife?”

Most retail shops really need to figure this out: You have to invest in the customer relationship when you have the chance, not just when you’re pretty sure your prospect is ready to buy!

— Excerpt from Managing with Aloha, Bringing Hawai‘i’s Universal Values to the Art of Business

Talking story is teachable, for conversing is what we all will naturally do.

If you want the quality of your customer service to improve, teach your staff to talk story with the art of your business knowledge, and the grace of HO‘OKIPA and ALOHA. In the day to day march of your work, employ these five easy managing-as-verb practices: Altogether, they are Conversational Customer Service.

Give your staff examples of things to say and suggest to repeat customers you’ve met, and to others likely representative of those customer profiles you know of as common to your business: Share the wealth of your awareness and knowledge about the customer, and introduce people to each other as often as you can — customers LOVE to be known and recognized (and they forgive you for a vast array of small sins when they are).
In your weekly meetings and pre-shift huddles, regularly ask for staff input and experience: “Does anyone have a customer talk story to share with us?” Celebrate the stories, whatever they are, and I guarantee you: Product sales will continue to happen, and up selling will improve with naturally occurring ease.
Also ask, “What are the questions you’re fielding from our guests lately?” and “What are people most interested in right now?” This helps staff be more proactive; they offer up the small talk of comfortable expertise, as conversational information that will potentially answer a question a customer has in mind, but hasn’t verbally articulated yet for the asking.
When you see a staff member well engaged with a guest and visitor, or one who has that opportunity, clear their way: Cover their station and catch their eye to signal that you’ve done so for them — give them to the guest unfettered.
Model the behavior you’d like to see repeated so staff can copy you. This is good mimicry: Welcome their copies, and encourage their personalization of your techniques and best practices. Another version of this tip: Warm up the customer with first contact with you, and then enlarge the conversational circle of comfort: Hand them off to your staff (always with a gracious and confident you-should-know-each-other! introduction) for their finishing touch.

This is a line at the Waimea Farmers Market that is good to be in! You line up to buy exceptional produce, and you also get neighborly conversation while you wait.

“Civilized conversation is the Swiss Army knife of social skills that anyone can learn to use. Take it with you wherever you go, and you’ll be equipped to turn a seatmate into a confidant, an interviewer into an employer, and an acquaintance into a friend. As an accomplished conversationalist, you’ll be welcomed everywhere; everyone loves a good conversation because it is FUN.”

— Margaret Shepherd, from her Introduction within The Art of Civilized Conversation; A Guide to Expressing Yourself with Style and Grace

Back to the Beginning

So vacation is over, and it’s time to return to work. You can ease in, find your place, and go with the flow, or you can go back to the beginning.

My preference has always been going back to the beginning. It becomes another gift from your vacation, for vacationSTRETCH is what has given you enough space and distance from what had been the everyday routine to pull it off.

Usually, everyone else expects you’ll go back to the beginning too, which is quite nice! They assume that finding your place within whatever is happening is tougher, and probably unnecessary, for you were gone when it all started, and it can continue to flow without you. They welcome the possibility that you’ll lead in a different way.

Going back to the beginning is different from starting with your why. You know why it is you do what you do, and what your HO‘OHANA is, and you embrace it (or you wouldn’t have gone on vacation; you would have quit to do something else.)

Going back to the beginning is about re-experiencing that start-up enthusiasm, where you had once begun with your why definitively known, and firmly in place. Your anticipation was at its sweetest and its eagerest, because there was no baggage you needed to carry; you could simply step forward and start fresh, but with the solid conviction of what you knew.

When you are at the beginning, nothing is tired and worn out.

When you are at the beginning, all thoughts and ideas have some adjacent possible connected to them (see footnote).

When you are at the beginning, work is not hard. Work is not tough. Work is only compelling (until you make it hard, or make it tough, and you don’t have to go that route, now do you.)

I’m not pointing this out to burden you, but to liberate you!

What will it take for you to join me here, back at our beginning?

Every since Managing with Aloha came to be for me, I’ve felt so fortunate to know that ALOHA is at every beginning. Every single one, no matter the circumstance.

ALOHA is something I never want to underestimate; there’s so much it can be for me, for my team, for my friends, for my family, and for us — you and me.

To be a good beginner, is to come home to ALOHA, and live within it. I line up my verbs for next-stepping, ready for Living, Working, Managing, and Leading, all WITH ALOHA.

You can choose this with me. An ALOHA beginning is a magnificent place to be. Check it out, and let’s go back to the beginning together, kākou:

Our ALOHA index page. Stake your claim within it: What is this value all about for you?
Day 1 for Job 1: A Good Selfishness
Start with two words: “with Aloha”
What should you do with your life? Find out!
What is the Aloha Spirit? It’s you!

Footnote: “Adjacent possible” is an environmental condition I learned about in Steven Johnson’s book, Where Good Ideas Come From: The Natural History of Innovation:

“The phrase captures both the limits and the creative potential of change and innovation… the adjacent possible is a kind of shadow future, hovering on the edges of the the present state of things, a map of all the ways in which the present can reinvent itself” — if you, as manager, are willing to take that leap into a better future, bringing your workplace with you.

“The strange and beautiful truth about the adjacent possible is that its boundaries grow as you explore them,” wrote Steven Johnson in the Wall Street Journal, “Each new combination opens up the possibility of other new combinations. Think of it as a house that magically expands with each door you open. You begin in a room with four doors, each leading to a new room that you haven’t visited yet. Once you open one of those doors and stroll into the room, three new doors appear, each leading to a brand new room that you couldn’t have reached from your original starting point. Keep opening new doors, and eventually you’ll have built a palace.”

Know this: Your path of adjacent possibles has led you to a unique moment in time, and it’s all yours for the taking.

When it’s good, S-T-R-E-T-C-H it out!

I’m so excited. This is the day I program my email with my “on vacation!” message, and switch gears for two weeks.

The hubby and I will be jetting off to a family vacation in a few days, and I can barely contain my joy in imagining all it will be for us — and planning for it to happen. When you’re an empty nester, and your children are crafting their own lives in cities an ocean’s distance plus some away from you, family vacations become SACRED, and as little as a long weekend taken together becomes priceless emotional currency: It sustains you, and inspires you all those days in between until the next time you’re together. In a word, it’s the value of ‘OHANA.

I’m letting you know because I’ll be stepping away from this blog and everything else during our vacationSTRETCH (more about that in a moment) — thus, it’s a great time to visit New Here? or deep dive the archives if you’re wondering about missing anything.

Reading time thus satisfied, I also want to encourage you to do the same thing: Grab hold of some vacation time! It’s summer! Claim it, and make it yours!

VacationSTRETCH is…

…exactly what it sounds like. When you vacation, stretch it out into all the good it can possibly be for you. Turn it into a mini sabbatical, where you can invest in your joy completely because you’re made it happen that way. You can devote your full attentions to the people you’re with, and to the places you’re at, even if at home for a stay-cation, because you’ve made sure you’re all-in and are vacation ready, and vacation intentional.

I used to be a pretty lousy vacation-taker. It’s appalling to me now, but I was one of those managers who would work up to midnight or later the day before my vacation was to start, wasting the first day or two of it because all I wanted to do was catch more sleep, and then think about whatever time I had left. And it wasn’t much of a break. My vacations were chock full of stuff planned for my family with nothing designed for me. As a result, vacation success was hit and miss for all of us.

If that sounds familiar to you, it’s time to change your ways. Don’t ever squander a single day of your vacation again, and S-T-R-E-T-C-H out the goodness!

The more fun you have, the more fun your family has, guaranteed, because all you do is radiate your joy. Joy is infectious: A happy you is a good contagion for all the people who surround you, and the stuffing of your vacation itinerary becomes quite incidental: You make good no matter where you are, and no matter what you happen to be doing.

I did learn my lesson. Now, I turn off the rest of the world nearly a week before my vacation starts. I don’t turn it back on until I’m ready to, usually another few days after I’ve returned home, switching gears in my own good time so it becomes a reset and not a decompression or letdown.

Life by design can be yours too.

Stretching it out is a great strategy for all the good in your life.

I love my work, yet I’m now on a 20-hour work week, and often less, so I can fit in more of what I call my “Other Days.” I wrote about creative structure on Talking Story:

On Other Days: Creative Structure

In the values-speak of Managing with Aloha:

…Work Days are for Ho‘ohana, Kuleana and Kūlia i ka nu‘u

…Weekends are for ‘Ohana, Mālama and Mahalo

…Other Days are for ‘Imi ola, ‘Ike loa and Nānā i ke kumu

In addition, I’ve been able to take a 6-week sabbatical annually since purposely designing it into my business models back in 2004. My family, friends, and MWA clients know it as Ho‘omaha, the holiday hiatus given to all in my ‘Ohana in Business: We close for 3 weeks in December, and another 3 weeks in January. It now feels very natural and right to us, and best of all, it’s totally guilt-free; it feels smart, and it’s become quite strategic.

I know we’re fortunate, now taking our Ho‘omaha holidays as matter-of-course as we do. Not fortunate in that we have them, for we designed our work this way, and we make them happen; we’re fortunate in who we are as a team supporting them, with a business mindset within our 20-hour work week that sustains our model and our mission. Amazing how “Providence conspires” when you leave that door open to the possibility.

There are two emotions I purposely banish from my life: Guilt and regret.

No more coulda/ shoulda/ woulda.

No more “we can’t.” It’s been replaced by “let’s do this!”

If you want a life by your own design too, vacations with your ‘Ohana are a fabulous place to start, because you feel your spirit stretching in the way vacations are shared with the people you love.

Gain vacationSTRETCH, turn off from the rest of the world, and make your vacation sacred.

You know you want to!

I know you can.

I’ll be back to writing for ManagingwithAloha.com on or around August 1st.

With much aloha to you until then,

Rosa

Related Reading

All caught up with Managing with Aloha, good community subscriber that you are? Here are a few links to some favorites I had published on TalkingStory.org over the last year, just before retiring it in favor of writing here:

On the 20-hour work week:

On the 20-hour work week: All in favor? and If you worked for me
On other days:

On Other Days: Creative Structure and Crossing off the Bucket List
On spirit-spilling, and my favorite book of recent months, The Everlasting Meal: How to Fill up by Spilling
On the reentry of my last Ho‘omaha:

What do you know to be sure? Hō‘imi ola.

On sabbaticals: Book Review ~ Reboot Your Life

The authors do not speak of values explicitly, but as they read The Reboot Break, MWA practitioners will make their value alignment connections often, and make them easily. For instance, the authors offer this as a common pattern of the Reboot Breaks which are most successful:

1. Creating Space – putting your life in order

(MWA’s Mālama, Ho‘okipa, Kuleana)

2. Reconnection – revitalizing connections to people, places, activities, and self

(MWA’s Lōkahi, Kākou, ‘Ohana)

3. Exploration – learning new things, especially through travel

(MWA’s ‘Ike loa, Ha‘aha‘a, Nānā i ke kumu)

4. Reentry – starting a new chapter of your life

(MWA’s Aloha, Mahalo, Pono)

These 4 are what vacationSTRETCH is all about too: Creating space for your vacation focus, Reconnection with the people and places you love, Exploration to learn and experience more, and vacation decompression which gets that Palena ‘ole boost as Reentry.

The 9 Key Concepts — Why these 9?

I’ll often encourage you to “start with why” whatever your pursuit, and I strive to do so too. In this article, I’d like to share my why behind the 9 Key Concepts, and why I chose them.

Managing with Aloha is a philosophy with two main constructs giving it form, cognizant of that undeniable connection between form and function. Those ‘constructs’ are,

1. The 19 Values of Aloha

2. The 9 Key Concepts

We have a reference page for each one here on the site, and each has a book dedicated to it:

Managing with Aloha is about the 19 Values of Aloha, and
Business Thinking with Aloha is about the 9 Key Concepts

The student of Managing with Aloha, studies both constructs to be thorough in their learning. For instance, both are taught in the MBA curriculum I have personally taught or certified, using MWA as text. Alaka‘i Managers will adopt both constructs as their own, to be thorough in their ongoing MWA practice: They adapt both constructs as they define their own Ho‘ohana — think of HO‘OHANA as their function taking shape as managers with the intention of ALOHA.

I consider “business thinking” to be a crucial life skill, and not just a workplace skill, and so BTWA wasn’t only written for managers. The phrase I use most within its pages, is “the business of life” for our quality of life will indeed benefit when “form ever follows function” too! For instance, the business of life requires financial literacy, including skills and strategies with choosing a bank, balancing your checkbook, doing your tax returns, and deciding what kinds of insurance you’ll carry, if any.

Reading, Writing, and Ready: “[A profound change for our world would be] teaching every child on the planet the basics of literacy, mathematics, life skills, and critical thinking… most experts feel this proposed quartet of grade school basics is the foundation for self-improvement, which is obviously abundance’s backbone. Moreover, self-improvement doesn’t mean what it used to. Since the advent of the Internet, these basics are the background needed to understand a significant portion of online materials, thus providing the fundamentals necessary to access what is clearly the greatest self-improvement tool in history.”

“This emphasis on personal growth and personal responsibility is key because we are in the midst of an education revolution…our current system is built around fact-based learning, but the Internet makes almost every fact desirable instantly available… Teaching kids how to nourish their creativity and curiosity, while still providing a sound foundation in critical thinking, literacy and math, is the best way to prepare them for a future of increasingly rapid technological change.”

— Steven Kotler and Peter H. Diamandis in Abundance, the Future is Brighter Than You Think

And not only for our children! We adults must unlearn and learn anew as well.

Therefore, the 9 Key Concepts originally came together as a construct that would serve two purposes for me as the author of Managing with Aloha, and as someone intent on sharing MWA as a lifestyle philosophy AND workplace culture-builder (my Ho‘ohana!)

First, they would sort the 19 Values of Aloha relevant to a person’s greatest need, AND/OR a workplace culture’s greatest needs. No one juggles all 19 at the same time.

Second, they would sort the business thinking scattered throughout MWA-the-book (and by extension, my subsequent writing about the philosophy) for either “business of life,” serving the individual, AND/OR “entrepreneurial business,” serving a workplace, by outlining the basic needs of a sensible and sustainable business model within a healthy culture.

I like sensible. I like sustainable.

I like practical. I like useful.

And I like the brainy and brave nature of business.

Here again, in short form is the list: They are the “conceptual convictions” of Managing with Aloha as a philosophy.

The Aloha Spirit
Worthwhile Work
Value Alignment
The Role of the Manager Reconstructed
Language of Intention
The ‘Ohana in Business Model
Strengths Management (and including innate talent, learned skills, and relevant knowledge)
Sense of Place
Palena ‘ole (Unlimited Capacity)

Each one packs quite a punch, thus our curiosity and challenge in learning them, yet each can be reduced to a certain kind of personal exploration, the sum of which will define ‘IMI OLA, the best possible life of our own creation. They are all important in a good life, and that means they are fully worth our time and attention:

In Key 1 we explore our SPIRIT — our source of well being.
In Key 2 we explore the WORK we’ll devote ourselves to.
In Key 3 we explore our VALUES.
In Key 4 we explore our ROLE — as chosen, not as assigned.
In Key 5 we explore our VOICE — how we communicate.
In Key 6 we explore our assembly with others — how we COMMUNE and SHARE.
In Key 7 we explore our individual assets — our human CAPACITY.
In Key 8 we explore our PLACE(s) and sense of belonging in them.
In Key 9 we explore the GROWTH possible for us.

The best way to attain a healthy workplace culture, is to be sure you have healthy and happy people. It really isn’t any more complicated than that.

Thank you for being part of the Managing with Aloha community, and for doing this with me, and for you. The journey is so much better kākou, together.

Review more about the 9 Key Concepts and how we use them here: The 9 Key Concepts (our Reference Page). An excerpt:

[Alaka‘i Managers use] the 9 Key Concepts to learn, and to design strategic approaches to the work at hand (for their workplace locations and missions differ). They ask themselves a series of questions for each of these concepts, and their day-to-day work gets shaped by their individual answers:

How does this conceptual conviction support our values?
How does this support our mission (i.e. current work) and our vision (i.e. our best possible future)?
How can I help the work make sense, using this concept to continually improve our systems and processes?
How will this conceptual conviction fuel positive energies, helping us grow and get better as human beings?
What more can we learn about this?