Kay Wall's Blog, page 3

Revolutionary New Golf Swing Method

18th hole, WaikanaeHave you tried absolutely everything to improve your golf, and nothing works?
Here's some good news!
You haven't tried everything until you've tried the revolutionary new golf swing improvement method, rigoruously developed by Ms Kallas-Way.
Golfers have tried swing lessons, psychiatric advice, fitness regimes, nutritional plans, video lessons.
They haven't worked.
And why haven't they worked?
Because they haven't narrowed their focus enough.on the vital part of the golf swing.
Club on ball.
That's right! Who cares what happens on the way back or on the way through, as long as the clubface hits the ball squarely? Jim Furyk and Bubba Watson certainly don't.
Here's what you do.
On a perfectly still day, find a tree over a pond. Take golf club and ball into that tree and find a wee forked branch which will hold your ball.
Hit the ball.
The trick (apart from not falling out of the tree) is to watch your clubface hit the ball, by observing your reflection below.
This not only makes you keep your head down, but it also imprints the swing fault on your brain so you have better recall. When you can 'see' the fault, you're 90% of the way to fixing it.
Add a crocodile to the pond, as above, and you can also fix any balance problems.
Ms Kallas-Way guarantees this method as a sure-fix solution to scoring lower.
There's just one little hitch.
You'll have to buy a new set of clubs (left-handed if you're right-handed, and right if you're left) because you'll be looking at a mirror image.

Blindfold Golf

Blindfold golf The golf lesson I had last week wasn't going well, so when the pro went into his office and came back with a blindfold, my heart sank.
Good God, I thought, my swing has got so bad that he can't even bear to look at me!
I was used to this response when I put a home-cooked meal in front of guests, but had never had it at golf before.
"If it's that bad, couldn't you just close your eyes?" I asked.
"It's not for me," he said, "it's for you."
Good God, I thought, he's going to shoot me!
I stepped backwards.
He stepped forwards.
I stepped backwards, and fell over my bag.
The pro helped me up. I couldn't see any gun-like bulges under his clothes.
He motioned me to get my 6 iron and return to the driving bay. "You have a problem with trust," he said, approaching me with the blindfold.
"Only since watching the 'Crime and Investigation' channel," I said.
The pro shook his head. "Trusting your swing."
I relaxed. "Oh, trusting my swing. Now I see."
The pro tied the blindfold across my eyes and oriented me to the practice ball.
I swang.
The ball went sideways. I fell over.
I pushed the blindfold up and hit a practice ball, ok, and then put the blindfold down.
The ball went forwards, but not very far. Me too.
I obviously needed to work on my balance.
I played one shot without the blindfold and then one shot with it. After half a dozen shots, I hit a very good 6 iron with the blindfold, and managed to hold my finish without falling over.
The pro removed the blindfold. "Any time you have a bad round where you're not hitting your irons solidly, I want you to go to the practice fairway and do this drill. The main thing wrong with your swing is that you hit a few bad shots and then get too analytical."
"Paralysis by ananlysis," I said.
He nodded. "If you can hit the ball that well, without seeing it, and maintain your balance, you will learn to trust muscle memory."
NB. Don't leave your car at a 45 degree angle to the practice fairway. This is a great exercise for golfers, but can be hard on parked cars.

Adrenaline Golf

How can we boost golf club membership numbers?
That's the question golf course managers throughout New Zealand are asking, as membership numbers continue to slide.
The Shady Acres club, in the backblocks of New Zealand, has come up with an exciting concept. I interviewed the entrepreneur who has managed to reverse the shrinking  membership trend.
"Well," said Fred, president, captain, treasurer and greenkeeper of Shady Acres golf club, "the problem is that as our older members kark it, there aren't enough young 'uns to replace them."
Fred pointed at an area behind the clubhouse that had a lot of crosses (made from golf clubs) on it.
"We've sold a lot of grave plots out back where we used to keep the fertiliser, but that's only a one-off source of income." He scratched his chin. "We had to come up with a way to make golf appeal to kids who sit on their arses all day, stare at a screen and blow things up or away."
I nodded. "Yes, it's a tough market to entice into the great outdoors."
Fred grabbed my arm. "Exactly! That's why we got on to all the social media we could cover and discovered that there is one thing which gets these kids (anyone under 30) outside." He nodded sagely. "A quick hit of adrenaline."
I extracted my arm and rubbed it. "You're going to give them guns and get them to shoot all the slow players?"
"Nope," said Fred, "even slow players are welcome, in these hard times."
I shrugged. "So ..."
Fred grabbed my other arm and dragged me towards the greenkeeper's shed. "Wait'll you see this," he said.
A shot of adrenaline coursed through my veins but, fortunately, Fred didn't undo any zips. He pointed to a pen of sheep. "There you have it. New Zealand's answer to Pamplona's running of the bulls."
I stared at the sheep. "I can't really see the similarity."
Fred let go of my arm and put his hand in his pocket. "Take a look at this."
I recoiled, but Fred merely pulled a camera out of his pocket.
Unfortunately, the battery was flat. He shoved the camera back in his pocket and pointed again at the sheep. "Running of the Rams Golf, coming to a course, near you!"
I stared at the sheep. "They don't even have horns."
"Of course not," said Fred, "they're Perendales."
"Oh?"
"New Zealand breed. Perfect for Running of the Rams Golf. We don't want the golfers to get gored. We need returning customers." He jumped into the pen and wrestled a ram closer. I peered over the railing.
"See," said Fred, "the high whithers and upright carriage of the head. And look at the well laid back shoulders and the spring in the pasterns. Combine that with a slight slope at the tailhead and you've got maximum drive from the hindquarters. This sheep is the closest animal you'll ever get to Spain's Pamplona bulls!"
I must have looked doubtful. Fred leapt out of the pen. "Get your golf clubs."
In spite of my protests of not being under 30 and therefore not needing a shot of adrenaline to enjoy my golf, Fred insisted. I stood uncertainly on the first tee. "When do you release the rams?"
Fred smiled. "Ahh, that's the secret. You won't know. Could be the first hole, could be the ninth."
After having doubts about Running of the Rams golf, I'm now a convert. It's amazing how being trampled by stampeding rams cures overswinging.

Ten Good Reasons for golfing on an Active Volcano

1. Perfect excuse for 3-putting, i.e. I missed that putt because the mountain trembled and knocked my ball off-line.2. No such thing as slow play when the volcano erupts.3. Volcanoes turn golf into an adventure sport.4. An eruption means you can play at night.5. You get more satisfaction out of throwing errant clubs into boiling lava than water.6. The adrenaline you produce during a volcanic eruption will have you hitting the ball 40 to 50 metres further than usual.7. That annoying person in your four who's always saying, "I'll never play golf again" might not.8. You'll finally find out whether or not you're suited to speed golf.9. If it's the middle of winter, at least you'll be able to keep your hands and feet warm.10. You'll be forced to keep your head down to avoid ash in your eye and flying boulders.
Buy Mountain Mayhem and you'll discover how to survive on an erupting volcano. (It comes down to wearing the correct underwear.)

Centennial Golf Course, Taupo, New Zealand

Centennial Golf Club stone age golferI played Centennial Golf Course, Taupo, a few days ago, for the first time in 20 years.
Since my game, way back then, they've removed a lot of trees, giving it very much a links feel. However, the lack of trees has not made it any easier.
Off the women's tees, most of the par 4's are well over 300 metres long so you need to be driving straight and hitting the fairway woods and long irons well.
If you have a mean slice or wild hook, take lots of balls. Although there isn't any water, the long rough is very gnarly and swallows balls quicker than a hypochondriac swallows pills.
(I'd just like to mention here that we three women didn't lose one ball, while the male in the group lost three.)
We played at 11.00 on a Monday and, on a perfect still, sunny day, pretty much had the course to ourselves. It's very relaxing when you have no golfers ahead of or behind you.
If you don't already have it, buy a copy of the New Zealand Golf Guide. New Zealand Golf Guide
10th green at Centennial (It's great for reduced green fees, but also wonderful because of all the course and contact info it contains.)  We got $15 off our round by presenting the book, so only paid $32 for our round. That has to be the bargain of the year for a course in such good order in the middle of winter.The first hole is superb. A very sharp dogleg left, 225 metres, where you can't take driver off the tee or you'll go in the trees on the far side, if you're lucky, or the fairway bunkers, if you're not. It's one of only two par 4's under 300 metres, the 17th being the other one. A wee draw with a rescue wood worked well for us.I'm trying to think of a signature hole, but there are so many good holes that I'll have to adopt a few aliases.The 5th and 6th are on my list. The 5th is a long par 5, 450 metres, downhill at the end to a hidden green. (Alas, the shape of the hole matched my score as I missed the green left with my 3rd and ended up double-bogeying.)The 6th is a 149 metre par 3, with a deep donga left so don't go there. I did, and had a sunken lie so used my rescue wood to bump the ball up on to the green. Then I sank a 20 ft putt for par.The greens on Centennial are excellent. Reasonably quick without being scary fast, and they're all the same speed. They look dark green, certainly much darker than the greens I'm used to playing. I suppose that has something to do with all the frosts they get  in Taupo.The 14th is a 338 metre dogleg left, with a raised green protected by bunkers left and right. Takes a good drive and a damn good second shot (probably with a fairway wood, if you're chicken/sensible and don't cut the corner) to get on this green. 2nd shot to 14th greenIf pushed, I'll select the 16th as the signature hole on Centennial. Once again, it's a dogleg left, 337 metres where you need a long, straight drive to set up for a second shot across a valley to the green. A very long green which I managed to hit in two. It's just a shame that my ball was at the back and the pin was at the front. Three-putted for a bogey ... sigh.Fantastic golf course and, although it chewed me up and spat me out, I'll look forward to returning because I'm sure I can score better.That's the one good thing about playing badly, providing you're an optimist.

Doomsday Golfers

Doomsday Preppers (people preparing for the end of the world) have discovered golf.
Along with the gas masks, guns, food and water, this group of Americans (there are a few others scattered around the world, but most of them are from the U.S.) are also hoarding golf clubs and golf balls.
There are several reasons for this:
1. The Doomsday Preppers have all their supplies in a very confined space so practice putting is the only sport they'll be able to do until the 'all clear' is sounded.
2. The DPs like the idea that a golf club can also be used as a weapon.
3. They're convinced the end of civilisation is nigh, so bad golf isn't going to depress or frustrate them.
4. Bullet proof vests and gas masks inhibit excessive movement so they're all brilliant putters.
5. If they run out of ammunition, they can load their rocket launchers with golf balls.
6. In an apocalypse there'll be holes everywhere so it'll be easy to set up a course.

Agonising Golf and More Agonising Golf ebooks available
from smashwords.com

Wairakei Resort 9 Hole Golf Course, New Zealand

First green, frost cleared to hill
Had a couple of spare hours this morning before a lunch appointment and we were staying at the Wairakei Resort so decided to play their 9 hole course.
Perfect day for golf - beautiful blue skies and not a breath of wind.
Unfortunately, that meant we had a frost so the greens were frozen and we couldn't start until 10.30.
I didn't have very high expectations of the course, as they must get a lot of hackers on it, which usually means divots everywhere and bumpy greens.
The green fees were $15 for 9 holes and we were pleasantly surprised by the course, though I certainly wouldn't pay $30 to make up an 18 hole round.
The course consists of four par 3's, three par 4's, and two par 5's which adds up to a par of 34.
The first hole is a short, straight forward par 4, which 3 out of 4 of us parred. Most of the greens are like upside down saucers, so if you pull or push your shot to the green, it's going to run off the side. But the greens are a little on the slow side, so chipping isn't too tricky. The greens are very consistent.
The second hole is a short par 4 along the side of a hill, so no matter where you hit your drive, you're going to end up on the left. From where you'll probably only have half a wedge.
The green was still frozen when we played it. I thought the ice would slow down my ball but it reacted like a curling stone and shot through the back.
Bogey.
The third hole is a dogleg par 5. One of the better holes, with a long two-tiered green, dropping away to the left.
I'd consider the fifth hole the signature hole. It's a 132 metre par 3 where you're hitting up to a seriously elevated two-tiered green. I was short right but the ball was sitting up nicely in the rough and my gap wedge lipped out.
Easy par.
The handicaps in our four were 4, 7, 9 and 29 and we all really enjoyed the course. We scored 37, 38, 36, and 52 respectively.
It's always a buzz to break 40, even if the course is a short par 34.



Seventh tee, Wairakei thermal activity in background
Agonising Golf and More Agonising Golf ebooks available
from smashwords.com
Location:Marram Way,Peka Peka,New Zealand

Golf Muggers

Ever since the recent financial crisis, golf club theft has soared. Clubs are being stollen from stores, clubhouse locker rooms, cars and garages.
Nothing new there, but now golfers are even being mugged as they make their way from the 18th green to the clubhouse!
If you want to hang on to your favourite set of clubs, here's what you need to do:

1. The thieves tend to trail golfers for 9 holes and only steal clubs from the golfers with the best scores, so if you see a suspicious character hanging around, play really, really badly. (This will be easy for most golfers.)

2. Take a leaf out of Tiger's book and cultivate that really long follow-through he sometimes has, where the club leaves his hands. Practice it so that if a golf mugger approaches, you can fell him/her from a safe distance.

3. Only play with clubs that are at least 30 years old. (Not only can you guarantee not to be mugged, but this has the added advantage of making your 'hard luck' stories believable.)

4. Develop a shank, which reaches head-height. (Once again, not difficult for most golfers and has the advantage of not damaging your club on a mugger's skull.)

5. Order the Agonising Golf patented golf club protector (pictured above) which not only protects your clubs from golf muggers but eats them as well.
It's the ultimate in self-sustaining, recyclable, environmental golf gear.

The Golfer's Little Helper

The 'Golfer's Little Helper' vine
Agonising Golf scientists have developed the 'Golfer's Little Helper' vine, especially for all those golfers who have trouble with trees. Plant this quick-growing plant beside the trees you have the most trouble with and, in less than 7 months, that tree will trouble you no more.

How to Put Bad Golf Shots Behind You

One of the worst faults of every golfer, amateur and professional, is that they can't put bad golf shots behind them.
Bad shots fester in the golfer's mind like a fly-blown sheep.
So, what all golfers need is a constant reminder that no matter how bad the shot you've just played, it's not the end of the world.
Agonising Golf has studied this issue and will soon announce the perfect tool to ensure that golfers will, 100% of the time, be able to immediately put any poor shot behind them and approach their next shot with a clear mind.
We're just having to fine tune it a little so that it knocks out the bad memory, but not the golfer.
It's all to do with spring strenth and lever length and best way to mount it on your golf bag, but I won't bore you with those details.
Suffice to say, that when we get the six golfers, who volunteered to test it, out of their comas we'll carry on with the prototype and get back to you.
In the meantime, we're offering our (pictured above) golf bag sticker , 'Which hole would you rather aim for?'