Jessica Shepherd's Blog, page 10

What I Do Now

I’ve written 4 books, all of which feature astrology. I studied and practiced astrology for decades, and I was a professional astrologer for most of that. So, do I still offer astrology? And, if not, or if so, what do I do in a session, now?

These are good questions. I get asked them often. What do I do now? The elevator speech is: I do intuitive sessions, and connect with Spirit Guidance. I channel. It feels like having a conversation with a friend, a friend who is a little psychic, a lot intuitive, and who knows a ton of astrology, along with some other stuff that interests her– like depth psychology, consciousness, energy practices, relationship and more. But it’s not a “chart reading”.

I am a very good astrologer. I have had some amazing astrology sessions. I still use astrology in some sessions; some more than others. It remains a very magical-feeling tool. Yet, at a certain point I realized I no longer needed the astrology. It started to feel cumbersome, like I was required to punch in certain inputs, had to speak this particular language when it would feel far more elegant and effortless to directly speak to the issues I was already feeling. And it had its limitations. When you engage a system of thought as highly developed as ours, it is easy to allow the cognitive construct of belief and experience to lead you. Even if you have learned 25 ways of interpreting one aspect, it can take you out of fresh presence of discovering the 26th, 27th – or something entirely different that wants to make itself known. And, how many times have I heard a client focus on a way of interpreting a transit, that they’d learned or picked up online, and use it for a series of projections and fears based not on reality but on their own conditioning? Quite a few.

Doing an astrology reading also meant fulfilling expectations to tick off all the boxes for a reading…and that became a sort of limiting exo-skeleton that prevented me from freely moving my intuitive and psychic body around, discovering what I can do without it. Allowing my natural wisdom and intuition to flow unobstructed.

I appreciate the analogy of flying an airplane versus being the bird. Why would a bird pilot an airplane – fill up the fuel tank, go through the controls in the flight deck, safety checks, get on the runway and wait for the signal to takeoff- if it has the wings to simply lift off and fly on its own? I discovered: I didn’t need to do any of that. I already have wings. 

Still, it took me time to stop getting in the pilot seat when I’d spent decades perfecting it. Flying an airplane was familiar and comfortable to a degree (though it was becoming increasingly less so). But the first few times I had the birth chart in front of me and I literally forgot to look, I was so busy offering direct Spirit advice, the sessions felt so much more honest and aligned for me, and I just knew.

I knew I was ready to walk through that door of change.

I knew I had to let go of something I am really good at in order to let something new happen.

I had to walk away when I was at the top.  I was at that point where you typically settle in and take your place. I had prepared, and done everything to be in that place… but it was one that no longer felt aligned with me.

…And here I was disrupting all those best laid “plans.” That trajectory for life that society tells us that if we do X and Y, Z will come, and we should follow that certain progression for rewards. Talk about a test of my own authenticity!

It was also a reminder, deeply and truly, to only ever do what we love –without attachment. There is no other path to follow but that of our heart’s curiosity. I had been doing that this whole time, without expectation for anything in return.

Even though my journey is mine, I am certain many of you can relate. Change requires us to let go of the familiar, even when some aspects of the familiar still feel good. Sometimes we make the choice to walk away from something or someone that appears good, from the outside, but doesn’t feel good in-here, and leave people scratching their heads.

It takes courage.

And, once we walk through that door of change, we walk into that liminal in-between space of transformation… and wait.

Plenty of time for second-guessing, truly, fear of the unknown, to come in, here…

Because okay, you’ve visited, and you think you really like it, but if you haven’t lived in the Caribbean, or Russia, or wherever, how can you know for sure that it will be good? What if you get homesick? What if you regret it?

I keep going back to what feels right to me, right now — the same advice I often give clients.

For so many, right now, who are learning to be okay with the unfamiliar and unknown on all new levels, this is the power we always have. What feels right and true for us, in this moment. Right now, in our body. Not in our minds’ story about the future. Am I okay with this right now? What do I want right now, in this moment? Dropping in, as a practice, takes us out of our head, out of conditioning, and into our Divine Intuition. This will not only keep us in Presence and in Truth, it helps so much with being in that interminably long liminal in-between space.

Right now, in my calling, I can identify with those who are gender-fluid. I want to express what feels most natural at any given moment and discover what’s fresh, and right here without being defined by, or socially held to, a construct. I still use astrology in sessions, but not in all of them. I use it when it feels right to use, and I don’t use it when it doesn’t.

Yet when I try and explain this transition, the energy of explaining easily gets in the way. I open myself up to not wanting to disappoint another’s desire for a “reading”, or my desire for validation, or my need to feel valued.

Breathe, pull back into my energy. My I AM. And anchor into the energetic feeling of my reality:

The Truth is, when I am jamming, I feel like a Light-filled Rockstar. I feel so FREE. This is what I want, right now.

…And, so, like explaining a divorce (except we never really became ex’s; we sometimes still sleep together!) the simplest explanation is usually the best one. When asked if I do astrology readings, I reply, “This is what I do now.”

 

Jessica

 

 

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Get Out Of Your Own Way

I remember doing yoga in my thirties, when yoga videos were a thing. At the same point in the tape, during downward dog, the instructor would say “breathe… set the intention to get out of your own way.” At the time, I didn’t entirely understand that this was more than a good-feeling phrase but a profound practice.  As with most things in life, the simplest ones are often the most wisely instructive and transformative.

How do we get out of our own way?

We are creatures of habit. We find something that works, a pattern, and we keep doing it – despite the fact that Consciousness Itself is moving right along, changing, and asks us to meet each moment fresh.

The thing we are doing may be a useful trait, a gift, and inherently skillful in the right situations. For instance, healers are often sensitive, adept at problem solving and critical thinking by nature. We have these skills for a reason; they are true gifts. But what happens when we encounter energies that ask for a less linear approach – that require our presence, not our fixing? (it gets f’ crazy!#@) And what do we do with our tendency to look for problems, inconsistencies in the field, imperfections -when we don’t need to be doing that? (we attract them)

Our strengths can become a weakness.

Because these certainly aren’t bad qualities to have. There’s a reason why we tend toward: looking for problems, perfecting, solving, fixing, needing to “know”, being so bright and intelligent, being alert for the next emergency, preparing for the other shoe that is about to drop. It’s as inherent to our natures, as healers, as sunshine is to the blue sky.

Yet those same satisfying and useful gifts and skills can make us deeply and utterly miserable.

Lately, I’ve been exploring how I get in my own way. I’ve watched how the same gifts, for instance, my self-discipline, desire to improve and work on myself, or my ability to connect patterns, energies and dots throughout time and space, can become the exact thing taking me out of the present moment.

How do I know when I’m getting in my own way? I am no longer right here. I am trying to change or achieve something. I’m in a story. And I’m definitely not having any fun doing it. Often, I’m quite and suddenly miserable.

How did that happen? One minute, I was just figuring out how to fix, help or change… then, bam. Misery.

One thing I have noticed, when this is happening, is that it feels like there’s a barrier or construct over my direct, fresh, experience (because there is one). It might be a should: I should be more present, relaxed, or I should not be having this particular experience. It could be an energy feels off today, but instead of neutrally observing it I use my excellent storyteller and critical thinking skills to attach a story to that energy… and run with it.

So…getting out of our own way. Is understanding, with tons of self-compassion, that our good qualities and strengths are taking us away from Presence to this particular situation and moment. Our habit of looking for problems. Or our gift for sensitively feeling everything. It could be anything- our analytical abilities, our desire to know and understand the world, our strong sense of morality, social justice or fairness, our commitment to responsibility, our self-discipline, our commitment to being healthy, even our compassion…

There’s a reason why you have these wonderful strengths. Celebrate and honor these in yourself.

Yet any strength can become a weakness…when it takes you away from what THIS fresh moment truly asks of you. That’s when you are getting in your own way.

We see this often with “other people.” It’s harder to identify in our self. “How do I not judge, criticize or try to change myself and others?”- Asking for a friend (LOL). 

I’ve been playing with simply naming the energy of my experience, without doing anything about it. Wow, I really want to (understand, fix, feel better about) this. That’s understandable. And I decided: when I feel the urge to find the problem, explore the inconsistency in the field, or get to the root of the issue (all ARE strengths) I would give myself something I want instead. It might be a cold drink. Or a show. Or simply getting up to water the flowers.

Doing this last one was a bit like going cold turkey on a drug habit-  it felt so different, and so relieving, for me- which is how I knew I was really and truly ready to get out of my own way!

Many say the secret of youth, of life, is staying flexible, supple, fresh with this moment. Not being held hostage by anything- not even by those good, but sometimes misapplied, habits of your natural strengths, and gifts.

Even the things we most want, and everyone agrees are desirable – like Presence, Justice, or Love- can become a prison if we let them.

Today, may you get out of your own way.

xx

Jessica

Pic: of me and Magnus, the terrier, having a fresh moment just this morning. I’m feeding him peanuts from my peanut mustache. Around here, that’s what we call a “peanut kiss”

Doubt is the lie you told yourself

In Hawaii, we have relics of ancient healing temples called heiau. They can be found in various and unlikely places all over the islands –in the middle of a suburban neighborhood, at a beach, or next to a busy hotel – small groupings of volcanic rock, usually, arranged in a pattern of rooms varying in height. These temples are from a former time, a time before Christianity replaced the Hawaiian religion of poly-theism. We recently traveled to Kauai, and right next to the Hilton in Kapaa, a heiau. This particular heiau was devoted to granting amnesty and forgiveness. Those who visited and spent time at this temple were granted sanctuary and absolution by temple priests- protection from wars, forgiveness of crimes, and even karma. It was said, that for those who once stayed at this temple, the past would be released. All wrongs would be erased, made right. A clean slate.

I thought about what perfect timing this was, for me. This was Divine Orchestration at work, sleeping each night next to a Hawaiian heiau of this nature coincided with the feelings I’d been having, of wanting deep release. I’d been wanting to let go of the way the past still has a hold over the perceptions of myself, ready to even more fully step into my own compassion and self-gentleness. Sleeping here surely meant I would have healing dreams.

Writer Anais Nin wisely once said: “We don’t see others as they are, but how we are.” Yes, sometimes. But try this on: We don’t see our self as we are, but how others taught us to see our self.

If you have been raised by an insecure, unstable, abusive parent, one with Narcissistic tendencies, one who gaslighted you, it leaves a mark. This applies to romantic partnership, too, where this kind of abuse is not uncommon. If your lover turns from Casanova to tyrant, caring to cruel in a nanosecond this is what I’m talking about. If in one breath they say they love you, and in the next tell you how “wrong” you are…

It is bound to affect you.

It comes out in the subtle, critical, thoughts that whisper so softly in your head:

I’m not enough.

I should be different than I am.

Maybe I really don’t know what I’m doing.

Maybe…Maybe…Maybe

The doubt. The endless self-questioning. The doubt, the doubt, the doubt.

It is not innate to who you are. It is not a weakness or a character defect. You were taught to do this. It is the way you learned to survive a person who would punish you for your certainty, honesty and strength.

The way you learned to:

Make yourself smaller around them, to make them feel less insecure. Doubt yourself, because your confidence caused them to be demeaning and threatening toward you. Hide Truth, because they would criticize, contradict or insult you when you spoke it. Endlessly question yourself, because you wanted to finally get it Right with them. Think that if you feel bad, it must be your fault. That if you have a problem, it’s your problem, because that’s what they tell you. Tell yourself you must be wrong because that is the only control you have in this situation. Become overly responsible and perfectionistic in your life in response to feeling out of control and never enough…

Doubt is the lie you told yourself

Sleeping near the healing temple, I had a dream of ancient ghost-like figures who shared their regrets, sadness. In the dream, I hugged them, offered them my compassion and perspective. I could see both the limited vision they held for their selves, and the Truth they could not see, their abundance, gifts, the way they shone so brightly. In the dream, they could not see what I could – their self-perception of their self was limited. I knew I was dreaming of pieces of myself, both my Human and my Divine Self. Later that week, this phrase came to me:

Doubt is the lie you told yourself to survive.

What became sparkling clear to me is the “lie” part. We don’t choose to think these untrue thoughts; they are a survival strategy, a way of coping with living with someone who is deeply insecure — and capable of making your life feel dangerous and unsafe. I had felt powerless to the thoughts of self-doubt that wandered, unwanted, into my mind, just as I was once powerless to the parent… until I understood that ALL forms of self-doubt were ways to protect myself, stay alive, survive an unpredictable person. It was easier to be wishy-washy. Easier to doubt, self-question, than to inflame and infuriate the person I depended on for my survival.

Compassion. So much self-compassion.

Then, I could focus on the fact they were lies. In the Light of Truth, the self-doubt disappeared. Forever. How do I know this misperception is gone? To think otherwise would be a habit of doubt, and a perpetuation of the lie.

It has been a summer of retrogrades, In planetary language, retrograde means “appearing to move backwards from Earth’s perspective” -apparent being the operative word. Because Mercury, or any other planet moving backwards, is not actually moving backwards, just more slowly. From our perspective, planets appear to go backwards, but for Mercury, it’s actually a play on perception, a trick, sleight of hand. Maybe even a lie.

I now know, deep in my bones, that I will never “believe” the lies of self-doubt again. This is nothing less than revelatory for me, since its been an off/on again issue I’ve carried with me since childhood. I wish healing resolution for you, should you need it. If you have ever wondered why you think negative thoughts about yourself, consider your teachers, the people whose survival you once depended upon, and how those same thoughts may’ve once helped give you a sense of control within an unstable, unsafe, reality. If you have ever wondered whether you have been gaslighted, I recommend watching the 1944 movie Gaslight. You will never again be unclear about what gaslighting is. If you wonder whether you have been raised by or with a Narcissist reference this checklist.

The role of self-compassion, when addressing these very difficult thoughts and feelings, cannot be overstated. Yet for things to clear they must be fully felt and acknowledged, and for many of us, it is time. Whether acknowledging we have been abused and the mark it left on us, or acknowledging we are being abused, we can heal. Sometimes simply saying, aloud, truthfully, from our center: “This is abuse. I have been abused.” is the powerfully honest catalyst we need (it is important to feel safe; sometimes the only person we need to say that aloud to is ourself). TRUST: When the patient is ready, the healer within will always appear, to help, to guide into our authentic unfolding. When we are ready for healing, answers WILL arrive — maybe even in the writings we come across.

I AM Human, I AM Divine

I have off days. I have days where I am not feeling quite like myself. Days I fall into wormholes of conditioning, conditioning that I’m not sure I know how to work through.

I have sleepless nights, nights where I awaken a lot and feel shitty.

Nights where I just want the morning to arrive so the darkness will disperse. Days and nights I feel I’ve lost my magic and wonder if I will ever get it back. The only reasonable response I can have for this is compassion toward myself; any other response is unkind.

I am Human.

I have exceptional days. Days when I feel deeply peaceful and connected with all of life. Days I feel so content that there is nothing I would want to be different than what is. I have nights of deep dreaming, that lead to mornings where I awaken refreshed, restored and healed. Nights of such remarkable peace that I cannot remember or imagine ever feeling anything but this.

I am Divine.

I have moments. Moments of bleak tiredness, of being too hard on myself, of getting distracted, moments of grief. Moments of hunger, and of stories. I have moments where energy around me distorts my perception of myself and of life. Moments of being human.

I have moments of startling beauty. Moments of bliss that happen when I’m not looking. Moments of clarity, presence, knowing. I have moments of inward connection with vast stillness, a peace so deep, loving and safe. Feeling so Good. Moments of remembering who I AM.

Ten minutes ago, I was Human; now I’m Divine. Ten minutes ago, I was Divine; hello again, Human. Hello, Human. Hello, Divinity. I feel good. I feel bad. Switch. It can happen that quickly.

This is being Human and Divine. I am Human, I am Divine. I am both, often in the same night.

I cannot be one without also being the other. These two are Lovers. The Divine gently running her fingers of Light through the knotty-haired thoughts of the Human, helping her to untangle, to simply love and acknowledge all of what she is experiencing. The Human reminding the Divine of the soft body, the vulnerable heart in need of tending, injustices experienced, feelings that must be felt. This is how it is. Not running from our body, our difficult feelings, our suffering… but offering the Light of Presence to ALL of what we are experiencing.

Acknowledging, even more deeply, our Humanness: When we are disappointed. Where we hurt. When we could be kinder, gentler on our self, where we could apply a little more patience and dedication toward our deepest and most heartfelt wishes. Listening to what we most want. Listening to when it is time to honor our self. Listening to what Truth feels like. Knowing what a lie feels like. Knowing when we are not listening to our self. Healing our self-protective mechanisms, ways we learned to survive, understanding why we do that. Our desire to no longer suffer.

Acknowledging, even more deeply our Divinity: Our capacity for realization, change and forgiveness. Our ability to accept what to the Ego is unacceptable. Our invincibility -which is not the same as being invulnerable to life, but rising to life, often with tears in our eyes, again and again and again. Our determination to figure out what seems impossible, or out of reach. Our reaching deep into the question: What is TRUTH, here? Our willingness to learn, to curiously question our perceptions, to be shown another way. Our ability to experience clarity amidst confusion, peace within the roughest storm, to surrender to stillness. Our willingness to be okay.  Our awareness, I AM okay.

We are not meant to transcend our Humanity but embrace it more fully, lovingly, honestly. Respect it.

We are not meant to be human without experiencing our Divinity, our incredible magic and power. Invoke it.

This is the integration of the Human and the Divine. We are not at the mercy of our humanity; we are not meant to move through life without inviting the powerful magic that we are to show us how to move beyond the limits of perception, imagination, and suffering. Being Divine does not mean I will not suffer; being Human does not mean I am not also awesome, magical and powerful, by birthright.  I AM both. I AM Human and Divine. I AM whole.

 

Jessica

painting: Blue Lovers by Marc Chagall

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Feeling Retrograde?

I was talking with a friend about the cycles of eclipses we are currently experiencing, and had the chance to tell her about Saros cycles – the cycles that begin any given series, and then repeat for hundreds to thousands of years.

For instance, this eclipse Saros cycle* (4 North) we’ve been experiencing during June began in 1389 and ends in 2633! Many are used to thinking about eclipses as harbingers of repetitive cycles, but this span of time puts a whole new twist on our habitual “patterns”. Did the issues we are experiencing today really begin in our childhood, or with our ancestors? Perhaps they originated on other worlds, planets, lifetimes. The possibilities make the mind spin.

Eclipse season does illuminate core habitual patterns. Mysterious, oft hard to pinpoint, ones.

And when things repeat in our lives it is easy to think that we’re moving backwards. To think: “I’m moving retrograde” (we may feel this way now about our nation, world, and its collective shadow).

Yet despite persistent, difficult, repetitive patterns, we evolve. Even when presented with a similar scenario from the past- as we often are during eclipse season- we gain the opportunity to recognize how much we’ve changed.

Everything changes, even when it feels like same stuff, different day, it is slightly different (yes, even under Covid). It can’t not be different. Various factors -time, others evolution, Consciousness itself- constantly shifts.

Most importantly, we are different. Even when Life appears to be moving backwards, YOU are not.

Retrograde

I have been enjoying watching a series called Being Erica.

It’s about a girl who time travels to her regrets, with a time- traveling therapist, and gets a second chance to glean understanding about her past regrets (rule: She cannot change the past). Her list of regrets is long, but as she diligently works on herself she makes great strides in her personal transformation. Fast forward two years later: She has learned so much, everything is going fantastic when one day she is dropped into a parallel universe where she is right back where she started. She understandably panics, at first, as old demons of self-doubt roar with a vengeance, devilishly suggesting the other Self- the one who is self-aware -was pure fiction, a wishful fantasy.

At a low point, she is on a bridge, contemplating what to do about this new-old reality, where she is literally at the bottom of the food chain all over again (dead end job and life). Then, talking with her self-doubt (externalized as the Spirit of her dead brother) she realizes that it doesn’t matter if she is in a time warp, no one believes her time travel story, and she’s at the bottom of the mountain all over again. She cannot un-learn what she has learned about herself. She cannot un-know what she now knows. She is different, she has changed.

This profound recognition of the I AM, the awareness of the present and True Self, that she can never lose the knowledge and wisdom she’s gained, catapults her right back into her “real” life. When she sees her therapist, again, she’s understandably pissed. What was the point of that cruel exercise? Of believing herself to be trapped in an existence where nothing ever changed? Her therapist replies: To see how far you’ve come. You did not lose your center. You were able to remember who YOU ARE, no matter how difficult the situation. You’ve changed.

Groundhog Day

I’ve had a similar experience over this eclipse season. Everything felt fairly fantastic, and then I had the perception I was moving retrograde. I do not believe the universe tests us, or teaches us lessons. I don’t believe it is possible to un-do hard-earned wisdom and knowing, or de-evolve. I do, however, feel the Soul always gives us the opportunity to figure out how to be even more peaceful, fulfilled, content in our lives than we already are. If the canvas of our life is beautiful and clear but there’s one little distracting black dot on it, we will get the chance to look at/change that.

Like the protagonist, Erica, in the earlier story, I found myself asking, “Despite all my hard work, what if this habitual pattern I keep experiencing never, ever, changes? What if this is THE reality” …and I had the chance to see that this fear is yet another form of self-doubt, the devil on the shoulder, keeping me from deeper levels of fulfillment.

What I’ve realized is similar to the Groundhog Day metaphor. The same old stuff can keep coming up over and over and over again. But I am different. I respond differently, even to seemingly same/similar situations.

I cannot un-know what I now know, no matter what comes up.

I can remember my center. I can breathe. I feel the ground. I remember to be in present time.

And with that Self-awareness, the differences shape-shift and become apparent in my reality.

Similar circumstances reveal themselves to be entirely different than what they once were.

Oh, yeah. I AM right here. I AM always right here, and my Awareness cannot be undone.

The planets, and the planet itself, may appear to be moving backwards. But I AM not.

Being Present

Sometimes it is very easy to get caught in the perception of believing our self to be stuck, or moving backwards, in a time loop. In a way, this IS a form of time traveling. The Ego mind goes on a journey. It remembers stories, energies, from the past, puts those to the tune of the present moment. It’s like the nostalgia of dancing to an old song, alone, on an old ship adrift at sea. The mind can be quite reflexive in its ability to persist in placing its trust in vague felt energies connected to the past – in past habits, doubts, emotions, experiences, fears.

Whether they originate in a past life or this one, the resolution only arrives by coming into this present moment.

The most powerful shift you can make with your habitual patterns of habit and memory is to come back into this timeless, present, moment. The present moment has no story. No words. It has only sensation (often waiting patiently to be fully felt, accepted and acknowledged) profound inwardness and a vast sense of peaceful inner expansion. There is no need for explanation about anything, figuring things out, or defining yourself in any way, and there is no trying to be other than. All that will only take you further away from this moment.

I AM is the reliable anchor. It is all we take with us; it is truly all we have at the end of our lifetime. It is the still and peaceful center. Imagine standing in a torrential hurricane and still being right here and okay. That’s: I AM. I AM has no need for the past, future, identity, expectations, or anything at all, really. It is that abundant and delicious — that full of trust and perfect contentment. Presence allows for everything to be, and unfold, as it will.

Forming a reliable relationship with Presence relies on our profound trust that All Is Well. Really and truly, we are Good. Even if calamity befell us, we would still be able to sit in the True, peaceful, center we are. It is always right here. Presence never, ever, goes away—even if our Ego mind does. So, recognizing that when we feel *not well* it is actually the Ego mind going on a journey elsewhere, leaving the present moment and disconnecting from our deeper reality, then, connecting back to that deep inner knowing, (and often) are infinitely useful habits.

And only the Present moment can show us how far we’ve come, how much we’ve evolved.

That we are not defined by our past. Even if our Ego persists in its time-traveling, we can still be right here.

One way I’ve been playing with Being Present is imagining the ocean water gently lapping at my feet. The small lapping waves are always right here, beckoning me home to my True Self, my I AM. Some times I feel Presence more strongly than at other times, but I can always feel the ocean playing at my feet. This helps my Ego to begin to, if not totally, recognize that I AM here. I allow it to spread throughout my body and feel this gentle warmth and tingling in my muscles, fascia and energy. When I can get to this point, I am really and truly GOOD.

I trust this practice of recentering into Truth will ebb away at the old habits, and eventually release them out to sea.

May this summer season offer you the blessing of unfolding into your True Self even more deeply!

Jessica

to learn more about Saros series please consult Bernadette Brady’s book, The Eagle and the Lark

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Role of the Healer (there’s nothing wrong with you)

Once, long ago, in a faraway land called Ojai, CA I met with a healer of importance. I had become friends with a client who invited me to a colleague’s house for a gathering. This spiritual teacher was visiting from India, and this event, created in his honor, would allow each invited to share a private moment. As I waited to walk into the guest house where he was staying, to receive an individual blessing, I was so nervous. What would he see? Would he pinpoint that elusive thing causing my suffering? Would he see what was wrong with me?

I walked in. He looked to be my age, maybe a few years older, and wore a bemused and light expression. He was very present. I recall waiting… what felt like an interminable few minutes, in silence. Then, he said: You are a patient person. This is good. This serves you well on your path. And that was that. Yes, that was all. This was my life changing spiritual blessing from the famous and remarkable teacher.

I recall feeling disappointed, and validated -though I wouldn’t fully allow myself to acknowledge it, then. What he reported was Truth, grounded in presence. He saw me.

But, the cure, the answer, the RESULT I thought I wanted, not gotten… on I went to the next healer. I mean, I was f’d up, right? I could give you the whole list of how and why. This went on for a long while.

Today, I interpret all of this differently. I spent years looking for what was “wrong with me”, going from healer to teacher, some of which affirmed there was something wrong with me and kept trying to figure out “the problem”. Finally, I learned the only problem was thinking something was wrong at all.  The problem was the way I judged myself: for my sensitivity, my vulnerability, different-ness from the “norm”, for all my weird symptoms, for the way I never fit in…etc. My interpretation was the issue. It was the lens I was looking through that was wrong. Not me.

A Healer’s Role Now

The healing journey, all those tools and teachers, of course, helped to build my toolkit. But when I operated from a paradigm of “wrong,” I thought my role as a healer was to:

-Help, fix, resolve, answer or rescue someone from their issues.

-I had a responsibility to them, because they had entrusted me after all!

-I felt obligated to go there with their story, to buy into the drama and conflict they self-reported as the truth (on some level I thought to not do so would not be empathetic, kind) – despite when my intuition said otherwise.

-I felt I needed to heal them with the answer they were looking for, instead of what was coming through me as True and Right in this moment. And, as a result, I rarely felt like I was enough.

This would lead to me feeling a lot of pressure and responsibility. Feeling and being cagey with reporting the Truth as I received it, I stopped feeling authentic. Ultimately, this belief structure- buying into the world, others, myself included, as broken and in need of healing – made it hard for me to want to work with people at all. In tune with years of clearing out the old conditioning of “something wrong with me”, I discovered I wanted to work differently.

Now, here’s what I do when I’m with others:

-I see the other person as already whole and complete.

-It is not my job to heal another, or provide a winning epiphany. They have the answers already.

-My only commitment/responsibility is to be in grounded presence and stillness within myself.

-I focus more on what I feel inward than what another is saying, and deliver Truth from there.

“Patience”

I have been reflecting on the meeting with the Healer lately because its simplicity was so profound, so aligned with where I am now. He sat in presence and he communicated just one thing to me. Yet it took me years to recognize that presence is THE deepest healing. Holding a loving and awake presence. Seeing the other person as whole. These are the healings. Not bells and whistles. Not magic wands. What we are seeking in all the tools that we use, the healers we visit, is the Light within them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my magical tools! But the tools are in service of Presence. To paraphrase teacher Tosha Silver, God always wins out over astrology. Always.

Why am I telling you this, now? Whether you define yourself as a healer, or not…the world clearly is having “issues”. Many people are wondering how to help, how to be the change, struggling with a sense of helplessness. As a healee and healer, this is what I know to be True: We can only heal our self, and others, through seeing what’s whole and complete, already. If someone has a broken arm, we don’t focus on the broken arm, we focus on the resilience of the body to repair. This is Love. This is also Truth – All of it. If an arm is broken, it definitely needs a specific kind and quality of attention. We give it Love, tenderness, extra care. We also see: The arm is still an arm. We don’t redefine it as broken. We never doubt its capacity to heal, and to do all the things it was created to do.

Right now, I encourage you to make a habit of deciding to see things as whole. Yourself. The World. It may take practice, and a little Ego convincing, but trust me, you will be more connected to Truth, and feel peaceful, when you do. Again, acknowledge what’s broken, but know that by not allowing the identity of broken/wrong to overtake Truth, we hold Light for restoration to occur, naturally, when that wants to happen. I say when that wants to happen because the Divine is mysterious. Sometimes things need to travel a certain trajectory for reasons we cannot possibly comprehend now. If we build an identity around “broken”, though, it is very easy to believe in broken on all levels. When all we see is broken, we become that. Many of us have already been there, done that.

Start with: I’m okay. You are okay. It’s all okay. As an energy practice, go into your Ground, Root and Center, then ask your self Am I okay? Trusting that first response, no matter what you feel. And then keep doing it.

There is something very profound in being able to receive a simple awareness given in the Light of Presence. Which is also to say, Some people cannot see/hear it until they are ready. I wasn’t, until I was. The U.S. is undergoing a similar crisis of understanding. It will take individuals time and patience to come around. All our attempts to convince, are just that, attempts to convince. I use this phrase, “If you have to explain it, they are not in the position to understand.” Literally, when you find yourself caught up in the energy of explaining- they aren’t in the position to understand it. Yet. Awareness moves at different rates. So, we see ALL as whole, poised to understand what IS. Because Truth is always ready and right here. We know the broken arm knows how to heal itself.

Again, bring it back to Now, to this moment. Be present to You. This is your role. The Divine doesn’t need you to do anything or be anyone other than your beautiful Self. There are no conditions to this, other than those you create for you, based on what feels right for you, right now. This simple (yet not easy) act of being totally present and connected to the Divine YOU is the highest calling any of us have. It is what sends ripples of awareness through Consciousness, including to those who cannot register it yet. Be OKAY. So, that as they continue to wake up, YOU are still right here, still seeing them as whole, smiling (because you are in Truth)…patiently awaiting the dawn of their understanding.

Jessica

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How’s Life in Your Fourth House?

We’ve had a crash course in the fourth house this Spring, a class none knew we were signing up for, at least not consciously (though intuitively, many did. Look at the way, just the week before, you: knew to adopt a dog, get on auto-subscribe for toilet paper, take a last-minute trip, or write that poetic essay about the lost art of spiritual retreat).

On a family Zoom call, I asked my stepdaughters how they were getting along with their fourth house(s). I’d taught them the basics of astrology when they were teens, hence, these fun conversations.  The fourth house Sun was baking, reading – what she always does –and predictably unruffled by it all. The fourth house Moon was feeling grumpy about the lack of social interaction she’s come to rely upon for her happiness. The empty fourth house (Libra cusp) got confused by the question and waited for the others to answer :). I suggested this period of time was a good one for observing how well one’s fourth house is functioning/doing. A sort of litmus test for rest, if you will.

No matter what is or is not in your fourth house, THE instant way to know how your fourth house is doing is to simply ask, Have I enjoyed being at home more? During this prolonged time spent inside, do I feel at home in myself? Or has this period made me feel incredibly anxious, nervous, twitchy and uncomfortable?

If this time has made you twitchy, have you become more aware of deeper sources of that twitch?

If you are still feeling twitchy, I suggest reading this very powerful article by Tara Mohr called Resistance to Rest. We are so conditioned by culture to be productive, busy, that it can be terrifying to simply exist and rest in these quieter times. The messages we receive about slowing down can cause us to feel we will become irrelevant or extinct if we do.

But the hidden gifts of resting, pausing, especially the taking of time to reconnect to your deeper feminine values and truths, are priceless. As Tara powerfully points out: “Perhaps the extent to which our culture aims to keep women from resting is an indicator of how potent our rest would be, how core and tied to our empowerment.”

WOW. Just wow. We all know how important rest is for healing and recovering from an illness. What if the greater dis-ease we’re experiencing, socially, is attempting to be healed by this prolonged slowing down?

Likewise, have you connected more deeply to your values, the things that most matter to you?

Are there certain aspects of stay at home that are rather nice – and, getting “back to normal” won’t feel as good? That you perhaps don’t want to change? Or you’d like to do differently, now that you have taken a breather?

Honestly, as things start to hint at reopening, here, I am already starting to miss stay at home.

As a sensitive, it’s about energy & wellness. No crowds at the stores, beaches and highways means that I feel better. Less energy generally circulating in the external world makes life a softer experience.  I feel better when cooking my own food, so the fact that my partner often wants to go out to eat and we no longer can has been very nice.

I’ve also liked the fact that my partner hasn’t been able to travel. No travel means for him that I haven’t been subject to getting sick – not just by corona, but by the typical colds and flu I get when he comes back from the mainland. For him, no travel has meant he’s been less exhausted, and gets to enjoy the island living, more. No visitors at our house has meant I feel better, too. Last Thanksgiving, every single family member who traveled here got sick… and so did I. We’ve been talking about all of this, and this time period is really driving points “home”, so to speak. He wants to change how much he travels. I want to change how much, and exactly how, everyone travels! Some of this, to me, has to do with the way airlines have greedily made policies to pack people into very small, tight, spaces. And there are harsh financial penalties for last minute cancellations, which means if you’re sick you travel anyhow. Yuck.

Those who have a hard time with stay at home often have difficulty simply being with their self. Being inward, sitting with discomfort, boredom, feeling the full spectrum of feelings that come up, allowing them to arise and then deepen into presence, requires external quieting. A quiet those who prefer distraction are not comfortable with.

Distraction is the real pandemic; it social distances us from our deeper connection to our self, our Source, our Divinity, which is the only real and lasting feeling of connection that any of us will ever have. We’ve needed to quiet and slow (way) down to discover where we’ve been living under false conditioning, to live by what we deeply value. By the way, this is the thesis, essentially, of my book Follow the Moonlit Path, a wonderful resource for right NOW.

Perhaps we’ve needed something this dramatic to pull our external tenth house focus — on ambition, success and all the conditioning of our social survival as human animals — back into a more personal understanding of what matters, to us. To even begin to lead from a more connected, True, place, we must bring our attention and focus back on the “inside”- to our literal interiors of our domestic life, home, inner psyche, creative solitude.

It is a different way of being. And staying at home, staying inside, has been more difficult for some than others. I believe this has to do with conditioning, by degree – learned experiences, habits of mind yet to be released.

So: how’s life in your fourth house? How integrated are you with the introverted, reflective, domestic, feminine, inward, solitary, creative, imaginative and quieter ways of being and behaviors that your fourth house asks of you?  Have you learned more about what you need at home, and from yourself, for your fourth house to thrive? Your relationship to your innermost self has certainly become clearer for you over this time period. This is a time of important fourth house work. The self-knowledge arising from this period can only benefit you, and all of us.

Jessica

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Let It Be Simple

Right-wing Christians say this plague is upon us because God is punishing us. Environmentalists, eerily similarly, say Mother Nature is sending us a warning, an ominous message. Conspiracy theorists say it all began with China, Bill Gates, or who knows what else (I am really not sure- I haven’t been tracking them).

Even for spiritual folk working on becoming aware & awake, those of us who tend to look inside for answers, instead of looking for something or someone to blame, it’s often “How can I fix myself so I can feel better? -or- What did I do wrong/otherwise I’d feel better?”  -often no more useful than looking for a Guy in the sky to blame.

Looking for a meaningful explanation for mysterious phenomenon is one of the things we do as humans. We have lots of time to do so lately. To think and analyze. Is it helpful?

The other night I had several dreams with a lot of emotional energy. My temptation, upon waking quite upset, is typically to start searching for the “what and why?” A normal habit is to ask: Why am I dreaming such awfulness? (it really was awful) What energy is going on in my psyche that I need to root out? And upon doing so – not always, but often- I feel much worse, as I find myself in murky territory of trying to figure out and take responsibility for a dream!

The same idea applies here. This is a dream. A DREAM. All of life. This experience. Passing energies.

Yes, it can be that simple.

Instead of over-analyzing my dream, I decided to assume I was dehydrated, got some water, and I left it at that.

I felt victorious, because I generously allowed myself to let it be what it is. 

You are allowed to believe that this pandemic has nothing to do with you, your life, or your plans or life’s purpose. That no God or planetary transit has behest this upon you because you are on the wrong path, you have more karmic lessons to learn, or more childhood wounding to clear up.

You are still perfect. Everything is absolutely on course for your perfect evolution and journey in a human body.

If you allow it to be True, this has nothing to do with you. It really can be that simple.

(You are allowed to think anything you want, really. If you choose what is True, that will always feel good).

Yet that grumbly unhappiness, that sliver of energetic uncertainty or fear will invite over analysis… because that’s the nature of the mind: to look for intruders, in order to feel safe and establish that we are okay.

What would it be like to allow yourself to know this dream has nothing to do with you? Would you feel more relaxed? Would you let yourself off the hook? Would it give you permission to stop trying to solve or better something that is entirely out of your control?  Would you allow yourself to get a glass of water instead of “going there” with your mind?

Like most practices, again this is simple, not easy. One basic truth I’ve learned about being energy sensitive is that the more I analyze an energy, the worse I feel. The more of an opinion I form about it, the harder it is to feel okay and good. When I’m rooted into my Soul, I’m very practical about things. It’s like, hey, it’s raining outside. It feels wet again. Raincoat time. Or, let’s take off my shoes and let it roll over me. Depending on my mood. Yet the exact moment I allow my mind to form an opinion or story about it (Rain? AGAIN?!), suddenly it’s exactly like I’m arguing with the weather – it’s very existence, did I do anything to cause it, why won’t it go away already, etc.

The weather is very straightforward that way. The weather is what it is.

So is the analytical mind. The complexity and analysis we give energetic phenomenon is our mind trying to help us feel safe and good. Yet there is truly only one way to do that, and that is becoming more connected and present.

Intuitive Practice: Let What’s Simple Be What’s True

Let it be simple. Ground into your bodily experience. If you are feeling badly right now, let that be true. If you are noticing the weather is crappy, let it be true. If you aren’t getting any satisfaction or pleasure right now, let that be true. If you are hungry and cranky and tired of this whole experience that is not of your making, let that be true.

If you are irritated, let that be true. If you are angry, let that be true. If you have had enough already, let that be true.

Don’t argue with any of it. (I mean it, no arguing!)

Let your human weather be exactly what it is right now.

Sink down into your heart, then your root chakra. Feel the energy. What’s there? Do not elaborate on it with any kind of story. It will be a simple phrase, as simple as “I’m scared” or “I’m feeling uncertain.”

So, you are a little scared. So, you are uncertain. So, you don’t know. If you really allow these simple Truths of your felt experience to sink deeper down into your root chakra, your mind won’t have to scramble to make sense of the energy — again, frankly, it is trying to help make you feel safe and okay — by generating bullshit mental explanations (Not helpful, but sometimes it’s all mind can do when we disconnect from our deeper felt experience).

If you allow your Truths to bubble up from your Soul, not your mind, they will come in little simple straightforward packages. Like oxygen bubbles rising from the bottom of a lake. They will feel really good to feel, even if they feel “bad”. Soon you will start to feel clearer, saner, more connected to your self and far more present in the now.

Be with where you are. This is how you finally get to the deeper Truths of your experience, which is the only place where real safety, presence and sanity actually exist for you. Not by “making sense of things” but by acknowledging and accepting your simple truths in this moment with even greater degrees of presence and self-compassion.

This is the power of being with your authentic experience, your authentic Truth. The Truth will always set you free.

You have done the work. You have healed. You are perfect. It’s time to get THIS simple – about everything.

Jessica

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You Don’t Need to Know What Happens Next

One of the weirdest decisions I’ve had to make recently involved whether I wanted to go to the grocery store. My regular grocery day came and I felt conflicted about THE MASK. I am not going to go into my little internal debate, but illustrate what I did about it. I didn’t go to the store.  I foraged through the pantry and extended our booty by another few days (I’m getting good at this. Months ago I started playing the “how long can we not go to the grocery store” game. I had been unwittingly, as many people have noted about their habits and decisions in months prior, preparing for this time).

I’ve come to understand that when there is no clear yes, there’s going to be another way. It’s just not here, yet.

It’s really that simple: Wait for the solid YES.

And it’s also that difficult to trust.

Because I, you, we understandably want to know. Your Ego wants to know how it’s going to get your groceries, when you’re going to get home from your trip abroad that’s been interminably extended, and when life will resume some level of normalcy. You understandably want to know exactly how, when and if it will all come together again.

It reminds me of watching movies, as a kid. I wanted the backstory; I never could understand how a movie could just start up in the middle of some strangers life, as though the director assumed I knew who they were, and what was going on. Then, the commercials always seemed interminable… I wanted to know what was going to happen next.

Guess what? I didn’t need to know any of it. It all worked itself out somehow. Just like I didn’t really need groceries that day.

Welcome to: This is your spiritual life. Many people think of spirituality as some blissed out state. That’s one very enticing and practical result of doing the work. Yet the means to that Bliss, “the Work”, if you will, is learning to flow, surrender, and shift out of trying to get the world to bend to what your Ego thinks it needs right now, and open up to Soul presence, that is, inner listening to the Truth. Because, in those moments of “stressing out”, if you honestly inquire, you will usually discover that a) you don’t actually need that thing you’re attaching your life’s survival to right now, and b) there is a more peaceful way to live. It just may involve shifting your perception, and some patience. (Only! Again, simple, not easy. We humans are more reluctant to willingly shift our perceptions than you might first think.)

For instance, feel into: You don’t have to know what to do next. You don’t have to figure it all out.

You only need the answer for this moment, and then the next one. What a relief that is!

When I think I need to have it all figured out, I feel very pressured. My energy starts chasing down solutions, like a squirrel looking for nuts, thinking “maybe this will work” for the long interminable winter of scarcity that I imagine in front of me. This practice, which I do not recommend, usually ends in mental bloating and energetic indigestion. No good creative idea or workable solution will ever find me in that state. I know, I’ve tried it.

Instead of thinking you need to chase down the answers to all the unknowns in the world right now, what if you simply asked for them to ARRIVE? It makes all the difference.

That doesn’t mean things are not figure out-able. Everything is. If I really needed food in my pantry the other day, you bet I would have figured it out. But I actually didn’t need to go to the store on that day. That’s what I mean; the Ego is really good at sending you into a fine frenzy, insisting there’s problem that does not need to, or cannot, be addressed right now. Yes: Cannot be addressed right now. Read that again. Often this is the case, with Spirit. It is either a Divine timing issue, or up to Divine Consciousness to make available, and both are outside of your control.

How will you know a thing Cannot be addressed right now? You will not get a clear YES or NO on an issue. Push it any further, and you will start feeling extreme stress. Because we tend to be uncomfortable with uncertainty, the undefined or unknowns, we often do try and force a yes or no and feel bad. There will always be an authentic YES, NO, or “Try again later” (remember the Magic 8 Ball?). Even if the Soul’s YES appears minor like, “YES I want to take a bath instead of watch this television show.” All Soul information is information- no matter size or scale. Hint: Stop looking for the big reveal. Not honoring what the Soul is saying creates a lot of stress in the world.

Again, this is your intuition and spirituality at work. Listen, accept, surrender, trust. It will always feel peaceful to live this way. It will not feel peaceful to think you need the answers that you don’t or can’t access right now.

To reiterate: a) Am I getting a Yes or No? b) Nothing? Meh? I guess I don’t need to know/do that thing now. What do I need to do instead? Go for a walk? Make dinner? Talk a bath? Oh, there’s a YES. That’s what a YES feels like. And, bonus: Let’s take a few seconds to notice this moment with some positive reinforcement, and commit it into our neurological circuitry, so we can remember, in the future, how good it feels to listen to and wait for the YES.

Rinse. Lather. Repeat. It takes a bit of commitment to regularly practice, but you can get the hang of it.

The Practice: Let the Answer Arrive

It is an abundant Universe. Nothing about our experience designed to torture or test. Life is, (and read this neutrally, as you would the weather report): for the pleasure of your experience. Yes, right now we’re having a corrective collective event that is challenging, and may change our lives. However, it doesn’t mean anything about your Soul’s purposeful destiny is being altered, at all.  We may not feel so joyful, at times, and even need to work on areas where we are getting stuck in negativity, but we can always find ways to feel at peace.

The next time you notice yourself mentally ruminating on a perceived need for answers or solutions, after neutrally investigating whether this is actually a true need-to-know-or-do for you right now (always a good idea), why not ask for it to ARRIVE instead? It’s a subtle yet dramatic shift in approach. First, ground, root and center your energy (or, you won’t experience the yummy affirming sensations that follow). Connect, in your sensory energy body, with the “problem” you think you need to solve. Where do you feel it? Then, ask yourself: What would it be like to allow the answers to ARRIVE instead? Immediately, you will notice a sense of peace instead of struggle. You will experience a sense of relief: You don’t have to do all that heavy mental lifting…or need to know how/why/when right now!

Imagine a person frantically chasing down a chariot full of gold, always thinking he or she needs to run, plan, solve, figure out… in order to experience it. Exhausting. Now imagine sitting peacefully on your sofa, and that same chariot full of gold arriving, when and in the form it will – as a result of many factors outside of your control -AND- as a result of you sitting here in receptive presence. You have done the work: you have listened inward, responded to what you can, and you have asked. You will move in the appropriate way, in the appropriate moment, and in presence you are able recognize it. This is how to take your Divine rightful place as co-creator and shaper of your reality.

You can chase chariots and nuts all day, thinking that thing that you want is outside of you, in some fearful scarcity equation you need to figure out how to game- a very blustery and stressful way to live. Or you can live from your center and trust that your Soul is already ON IT. This is truly the difference between living in your Divinity, and not.

Because there will be a YES. The chariot will show up, eventually. Always does. For as long as you’re alive, and then beyond. You can argue with its timing and methods, or you can sink into what’s being asked of you right now. Allow this moment to fully ARRIVE, then the next one after that. Do this enough and you’ll realize: YOU have arrived. Everything you thought you were waiting for, all you need or want, is right here. Feel the relief and ease in this.

Jessica

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What Feels Safe?

The structures of our lives have dramatically changed over the past few weeks. We are all redefining what it looks like to feel and be safe. Things we used to not think twice about, like saying hello with a hug, going to the grocery, a park, or standing close to someone all now come with potential threats. Structures of reality create safety, and when the structures of our lives quickly change it can be destabilizing.

What structures are helping you to feel safe right now?

Being energy sensitive gives me a unique perspective on this question. Inconsistencies of character, being in the presence of untruths, out of alignment with myself, around dis-resonant external energies… all stimulate not feeling safe.  Likewise, certain practices and habits create safety. The other day I told John, my sweetie, that the only difference between being an energy sensitive and “everyone else” is those same things everyone else can distract their self from feeling, sensitives find disruptive, sometimes even disabling.

Here are some ways I’m keeping safe and rooted in the Now.

1. Defined boundaries of time and space create safety. Timeframes might feel important to define, now, adjusting for the slower pace of things. Overwhelm is a common issue for energy sensitives — who track so much at once– potentially creating destabilizing feelings of un-safety. It is likely now unreasonable to think we can accomplish what we’d planned, in the same timeline as before this time. This fact, and taking the time for a bit of psychic re-organization of our newly shifting agendas, priorities and values can help us to feel more safe and secure (as an aside, I am loving learning how people’s values are positively shifting into a more natural and human shape, as a consequence of being forced to “stay inside.” This shift feels right, healing and recalibrating.).

2. Being aware of what you like and what you don’t creates safety. Doing things, activities you don’t like, i.e., having loose boundaries, allowing an unwanted situation or unaddressed issue to persist, an unwanted commitment, etc…. always creates energies of anxiety and lack of safety. Those who consistently ignore their own self-wishes do not realize that THIS habit of self disregard is the source of their major anxiety. As a rule: resonance feels safe; dis-resonance stimulates fear, insecurity. If I feel unsafe, I check-in: What am I allowing into my life that I don’t like/don’t want to be doing? Disregarding what I like and want doesn’t honor me– and is a number one way to feel unsafe.

3. Structured times to check-in and get present create safety. After breakfast, before I begin my day, I go to the mat. But I am flexible within this structure. Making myself stretch or do yoga every day feels rigid because it is disconnected from what I may want in the present moment – which stimulates feelings of insecurity. Sometimes I focus on breath, stand there, or lay down. Always, I check-in with the intention to rebalance in a way that feels most natural to me in this moment. The rules are there are no rules– other than to show up, check-in.

4. Don’t allow habit, or mind, to override your intuition. It’s easy to go on auto-pilot around shifting agendas. Yet our energies, preferences, change moment by moment. The other day, I felt so tired. My mind told me it was because I wasn’t sleeping well; while true, that didn’t mean sleep was the answer. Sleep was a logical (mental) solution… I tried, it only stimulated anxiety. Because I didn’t want to sleep! When asked my gut “what do I want?” and checked in with my intuition, laying in the sun for a half hour felt right to me. Afterward I felt recharged.

5. Know when you are out of your energy, then pull your energy inward. Being attuned to external energy is like watching the play by play news all the time 24/7. Not good. You need to be able to turn it off. You know that moment right before you go to sleep, and you are totally inward? This is the time to practice that moment. Tuning into others’ energies, constantly having my attention on things outside of myself, is a number one way for me to feel unsafe. This is more than just turning off my phone or limiting exposure to media, though that is the first layer, and a practical step. It is learning to notice where my attention and awareness is and energetically bringing it back home.

6. Be open to examining stress responses that don’t feel good. You may be feeling ways you haven’t felt in a long, long while. This is an invitation to dig a little deeper. My reasonable response to a chaotic childhood was to feel unsafe around the big people who were out of touch with reality, or held a laissez-faire attitude about actual threats.To survive, I became uber-responsible, and as an adult sometimes judgmental or critical of others who aren’t. I suspect if you had a chaotic upbringing, you may identify with this, too. This time period has brought this up, and out!

While practical in its ability to alert me to real threats and dis-resonance toward people and situations that I don’t like or aren’t right for me, judgment and criticism easily turn into defensive rigidity – a posture or way of holding my energy that is opposite of the flexible loving presence I truly am. Since our bodies hold our inner worlds, unyielding attitudes create brittleness and tension in the energy body, contributing to, or even causing, fear. Now I know when I have judgment and criticism toward others or myself it is a sign that I feel unsafe. I can use this understanding to gentle and soften toward myself when this happens, and ask myself what I want/need to feel okay.

You may notice a common thread to my ideas about structures that create true safety. Soulful PRESENCE to what we LIKE and want RIGHT NOW (even during times of limitation there is always something to like or want for our self, in this perfect moment) …always creates safety. Defining structures for establishing a relationship to presence is step one. Next is committing to inner listening. From a place of awareness, our desires and preferences reveal supreme intelligence… telling us more about what will keep us safe than anything outside of us ever will.

This is living with mastery!

Jessica

 

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