Jessica Shepherd's Blog

My 3 Perfect Days in Oahu, Hawaii

Day 1

morning coffee cruise- click to watch a video

Morning: Morning Coffee Cruise on the Vida Mia
This is one of my all time favorite boat rides. You get to see all of Waikiki from the boat and then the boat turns around at Diamond Head. Everyone I’ve recommended for this has always seen dolphins! Also, if you’re into the star power of this boat: This was the boat that was filmed in the first season of White Lotus.

Jess and Magnus at Kailua Beach

Afternoon: Relaxing Beach Day in Kailua: Lanikai Beach or Kailua Beach
Drive the Pali highway to Kailua and take in the amazing views of the windward coast, so named for the strong winds! Be sure to stop at the Pali lookout and hold onto your hat. Once you reach Kailua town there are plenty of places to pick up a sandwich or salad, and head over to your beach of preference. Lanikai may be a bit challenging for parking, but the beach is world class. Kailua is also amazing, and a great walking beach if that’s your thing.

After your beach time, take a different route back -HWY 72. From the road, see scenic Makapu’u Beach (see: lighthouse from highway) and visit some breathtaking lookouts (pull off the road- near the end). Lookouts to look out for: Makapuu lookout, Halona Blowhole, Lanai lookout. Halona beach was in the movie From Here to Eternity.

hula at House Without a Key

Evening: Dinner and Hula at House Without a Key
I’m sharing my FAVORITE dinner spot with you- so you are super lucky! Order a meal, sit right on the ocean and see world class hula, every evening from 6- 8 pm. They do not take reservations, and do give first preference to hotel guests, but if you feel lucky, try your luck: Be aloha. Give aloha. Let the magic unfold. That’s what I do.

Day 2

Morning: Diamond Head Crater Hike
Eat a snack at your hotel then head over to Diamond Head Crater for a sweet, fairly easy, hike.
Fantastic views! The earlier the better, to avoid overheating and too many crowds. Bring water.

Afternoon: Brunch/lunch at the Hau Tree, Kaimana Hotel, and then explore Waikiki.
Known for their Eggs Benedicts, and the famed hau tree – the tree you, which will see from the beachfront dining- this is a lovely place to enjoy the beach-y atmosphere and old school style Waikiki. Also: They validate parking with your meal, $5 for up to 3 hours. Since parking in Waikiki is at a $premium$, DO THIS, and then after your meal, use the hotel bathroom to change into your swimsuit. You can jump into San Souci Beach, right there, or you can walk the walkway through Waikiki and take your pick of any of the beaches you happen upon. Really, a no brainer!

If you’re not in the mood to swim, why not take a peek at the awesome seahorses at the Waikiki Aquarium -right next door to the Kaimana Hotel. Then, rent a Biki Bike and bike thru Waikiki, all the way to Magic Island?
Or you can shop. There’s always shopping in Waikiki; Ala Moana outdoor mall is beautiful and can frankly be overwhelming, while International Marketplace is beautiful and outdoors, too, without being overly intimidating.

Evening: Choose from one of Waikiki’s many restaurants.Just look around you!

Day 3

Shangri-la

Morning: Breakfast at the Waoli Kitchen, and Manoa Falls Waterfall Hike
You will fall in love with the rainforest vibes and the yummy breakfast food at the Waoli Kitchen and Bakery, which is also a beautiful entry point into the lush Manoa Valley. Nearby, you need to hike to the Manoa Falls waterfall, a modest hike which has been recently repaved so it is not such a muddy experience (as in past).

Afternoon: Truly there are so many fun options – take your pick!
Chocolate farm tour at 21 Degrees
Visit goats and eat goat ice cream and cheese at Sweet Land Farm
Mermaid caves in Waianae (if you are feeling adventurous)
Take a forest bathing walk in the rainforest, with Forest Bathing Hawaii
Visit Doris Duke’s home and artwork at Shangri-la (MUST book in advance!)

If you are in a garden mood:
Foster Botanical Gardens
Ho’omaluhia Botanical Garden
Wahiawa Gardens

Ho?omaluhia Botanical Garden

Heiau/Healing Temples:
Byodo-In Temple – non-denomination Buddhist temple
Aiea Heiau – Hawaiian Keaiwa Heiau (mysterious healing temple)
Ulupo Heiau in Kailua- also Hawaiian.
*Look for Heaiu, sacred Hawaiian healing sites, all over Hawaii.

Evening: Depending on what your day has been like:
For seafood with a view: Upstairs at Pier 38
For upscale light food in a quiet environment: Veranda at the Kahala
For a fun and different kind of Tiki Bar experience on the outskirts of town, La Mariana
For a very special romantic dinner on the water, 53 By the Sea

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KDP/Amazon Terminated My Account (I AM more powerful than Amazon)

Last week, I received an email from KDP that read: We are terminating your account effective immediately because we found that you have published titles with misleading content that have the potential to mislead or defraud our customers.

I was working on a revision of my book A Love Alchemist’s Notebook: Magical Secrets for Drawing Your True Love Into Your Life, first published by Llewellyn in 2010. Then, it had earned an acclaimed starred review from Publisher’s Weekly. Since the rights reverted to me, I decided to re-release it. So I had to redesign the exterior (cover and back) and the interior- no small feat.

I didn’t believe the email from KDP was real; I was shocked!

When I appealed, their cryptic response read that I violated their policies, and that they also didn’t have to tell me what policies exactly I violated. Wow. KDP had always been very helpful to me; their excellent customer service is well-known in self-publishing. This new approach was… different.

**

What I *think* happened? I didn’t answer affirmatively to “I used AI” in the pre-publication survey. It turned out to *not be a survey.

I did use AI on my book cover.

Similar to the way one creates a digital collage from clip art, fonts, photos, I used those, and some AI, too. I also modified the AI image.

When KDP asked “Did you use AI in your cover?” thinking this question was a survey, I thought about how to answer this. Knowing that when you check a box, that information can be used against you, and I didn’t want to be unfairly penalized by getting anywhere remotely near the same category as those creating entire books with AI, I decided to not offer them this information.

Let’s talk about AI, Artificial Intelligence, for a hot minute.

People are divided. There are those who are eager for AI to solve all kinds of world problems. There are those who don’t want to be replaced by robots, and are very afraid of this. Equally, many share a mix of both: We want the positive advancement of AI but without the changes it will require all of us to make in order to adapt. Meaning: Jobs will change. How we have been doing things will need to change because future technology will change those, too.

**

I do feel I was caught in the crossfire of our shifting times. Most of you know that Pluto, the “evolve or die” planet entered the sign of Aquarius on January 20, where it will remain until 2043 (minus a brief retrograde back into Capricorn from 9/3-11/19/24). Aquarius rules technology, and futuristic, far-reaching shifts. Pluto brings renewing and transformative power to all things Aquarius, so asks us to adapt to changes – to evolve, or die.

AI is here.

Machine learning is happening in so many ways that it will blow your mind. You cannot stop the changing tide. Some people like that this is happening, many don’t. Remember, we’re all going to have to figure out how to use it so it works for us and not against us.

Change is chaotic.

And, according to my husband who is a physicist, really fast change is really chaotic, and if change happens too quickly, before people are able to adapt to it, things can crumble, fall apart. Things stop making sense.

I feel this is what is happening here: It’s a little bit of chaos, right now, in the publishing world. Now I’m tied into this particular collective unfolding.

**

Why did I use AI on my cover? Because I enjoy using it! Because I can!

Why did I think this? Because: AI is here, it’s already being used in a variety of ways, and on KDP there’s no policy against using it. Unlike Ingram Sparks publishing, who explicitly states that “no AI can be used in published works”, KDP/Amazon does not have a defined stance against AI. Asking authors to honestly answer: “Do you use AI?” is their policy. A policy requiring us to answer a question about AI is not the same as taking a clear position on it.

There is a lack of clarity, right now, around AI. Things are rapidly changing, and therefore in self-publishing and design, many are too afraid to use AI in any capacity. Yet even big publishing houses and names are starting to use it in their cover art, as are companies that sell stock photography and images.

My graphic designer won’t use AI unless someone asks her. She doesn’t want to be held liable for any fallout. Because she has also seen authors shut down by KDP for using clip art purchased off the web, this has led her to believe that what KDP/Amazon doesn’t like is that they can’t hold a copyright on AI created works. Since you cannot copyright anything that a machine creates, you will not own any images you use, and they can’t either. This doesn’t bother me. I know I don’t own it. If my book cover is re-copied, to me that’s no different from iStock or Getty Images being reused. If someone uses my words along with that cover, however, they are violating my copyright.

As an artist, I have no issue with machine learning in regards to making art. But unlike me, there are many artists who feel AI is simply unfair. They feel that when a machine learns from their artwork they are being stolen from. Some fear being replaced entirely by machine learning.

In the coming years, all of us will reach a choice point:

You can choose either to go against the changing tide, or you will find a way to flow with it by deciding to learn how to use the changes to your advantage.

**

Back to my book.

Have you ever been so shocked by a thing that everything temporarily suspends and Soul-Knowing pours forth? Things become crystal clear?

That’s also Aquarius, the water bearer: When water/inspiration pours, it happens quickly. In that moment, that’s what happened for me (natal Uranus, Aquarius’ ruler, is on my ASC). Instantly, while staring at that account terminated email, I KNEW the following (I “heard” this):

I AM more powerful than Amazon.  No one can take away my author-ity, or author-ship. This is another opportunity to allow my Divinity to take the lead, and to invite all the inner work I’ve been doing to integrate my Divinity into everything in my life… into my life.What is happening is meant to be happening. Big YESSSSS! I heard this as well. I am getting so much better at trusting that what is happening is meant to be happening. I may not know why; I often have limited understanding from my current vantage point. But I do trust that I can be in a YES with life. It’s a lot easier to align with your YES than to resist it.Further, I was TOLD this: Don’t forget that YOU are the Creator, and they are just the tool. So, the hammer (Amazon) is a popular tool for hitting nails on the head. Aren’t there other ways to hit a nail on the head? Yes, there are other ways to ‘nail it’. If this isn’t right for you, there are many possibilities. The same rules apply, here, as with everything else in your life: What feels good to you is always Right for you. What creates stress, is not.

That was my Guidance, speaking. I “got” all of this pretty quickly. I still had to back my Ego out of the fighting corner several times, because I’m a human who thought her entire identity as an author had been totally eliminated.

6 days passed…

Every day, I kept re-anchoring back into my Divinity.

Every day, I did energy practices.

Every day, I reminded myself of the most important things in my life: To be in ease and peace. To work on my mind-body connection. To relax, and to enjoy.

Every day, I wrote to Amazon. Only after researching their policies, and fine-tooth combing everything that could’ve gone wrong on my part, I coolly made a case for myself, via email to their customer support (my great KDP phone support had been taken away with termination) and also to jeff@amazon.com.

…And on day 6, my account was magically reinstated. I’m baaaaack!!! I wasn’t offered an explanation, or nothing further than: Follow our policies.

**

I did feel victimized for a minute, that I’d been treated unfairly, poorly.

But I’m not a victim.

I didn’t act like one. I’ve cracked too many secrets of the Universe to believe that anything can truly hurt me anymore. This is why I never stepped into the energy of injustice and unfairness. That’s not who I AM. I KNOW: I’m the Creator of my own experience. I’m onto ME – if you know what I mean?!

I know too much about how it ALL really works.

I’m too far gone!!!  LOL

I’ve been through enough changes in my life to know that things aren’t how they first appear. Eventually, you realize that the only thing standing between you and what you most want is a shift of perception. Into the Truth.

**

This was a weird (Aquarius) experiment, for sure.

But, my Divinity? She’s smiling. Happy. I feel this. I AM at ease with all of this…amidst all of this. I am at ease with change. I am at ease with the future, AI, and all that Pluto in Aquarius will bring. I trust that what is happening is meant to be happening. I know SHE/my Divinity relishes this opportunity to remember: Who’s in charge, HER power, and what’s True, important and real.

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I’ve Been Ghosted

I’ve been ghosted, and I am finally ready to write about it.

Long before this term became popular, or I knew what it meant…I was hurt in this way. We were best friends. Close. We had been in one another’s pockets.

Then, one day, nothing.
And nothing, for weeks, and then for months.
To be fair, my friend had experienced a traumatic situation which had likely recalibrated her ability to be self-aware and cognizant of her effect on me.

Initially, I had accounted for that. But then, after long gaps without communication she’d resurface, apologize, explain how lost she’d been.

Then, nothing.
All over again.
This went on for…I’m not sure how long.
Too long.

I felt sad, and confused.
She was so important to me. And this is why it went on too long.

I made excuses for my friend… for a while. One day I told my then-therapist about this friendship. I relayed my friend’s words, which were: “You can’t possibly know what it’s like to experience (this traumatic event).” And you know what my therapist said? “What a bitch.”

I had been trying to be caring, understanding, give her space. That statement, made from a therapist, woke me up.

***
One of the last few times we spoke, I explained how much her hot and cold behavior confused and hurt. I was crushed she wasn’t reaching out for me, in her time of need. I remember crying. I remember her soothing words, and a promise…which didn’t happen, of course.

I decided that would be the last time. Years later, she reached out to me out of the blue, and told me how much she missed me. She said  she fantasized of visiting me here in Hawaii. I replied to her that I would always love her, but she had disappointed me so many times that I would not allow her back into my life again. It was simply too painful to be in relationship with her.

…She did not respond. That was to be expected.
***

Here’s what I know about myself:

…I am honest with myself about ending a relationship when it no longer resonates with me.
…I am honest with myself about not having availability for a person, at the moment.
…I am honest with myself about “plans changing” “Divine Timing”… or whatever you call it.
…I am skillful about communicating the above to the other person, in practical, neutral, ways.

I’d even say my skill and honesty are strengths. Did this arise because I’ve been badly burned? Maybe.

I’ve done healing work. While grieving that lost friendship, I could make parallels to her behavior and that of my mother. My mother made me empty promises, was unreliable. My friend was also very maternal, loving and lovely, just like my mom – and she triggered this memory of what I knew of early bonding with another female, a confusing blend of love, codependence, and denial.

So when someone: says one thing and does another, is not honest with me, is unreliable, unresponsive, or mysteriously disappears, it feels very personal. I am sensitized to it.

I feel vulnerable in this area, as you might expect. I’ve healed, but the scar remains.

It may be there for a long while. Expecting this to change, I’ve learned, is not realistic for me.
***

Ghosting is disappearing from a connection without explanation. And, it is a type of energy.

I have plenty of casual friends with whom we can go for months without replying to an email, and that feels natural and right, because we both pick it up again, eventually. That’s not ghosting. Mysteriously dropping the ball feels different. You know it when you know it- the feeling of it. Whether they are doing this unconsciously or not, doesn’t matter; what matters is how you feel.

For me, when I reach out to a person who I feel is a potential friend, or ally, and they are enthusiastically warm and responsive and then they go cold and silent, this can trigger confusion, sadness, self-doubt.

It can trigger feelings of not feeling valued enough by the other to be replied, or responded to. Because that’s where it lands for me.
***

Why am I writing about this now?

People drop the ball. People don’t reply, they don’t communicate. They get busy, distracted. Or, maybe they no longer resonate with the plans they once made with you. They ghost you.

They make plans to talk or connect, then drop the connection, for no good reason.
I don’t know about you, but it happens for me -quite a bit.

And I’m tired of how I feel about it. Even though lighter and less than ever before, even a pinprick hurts.

Maybe because I am experiencing my Chiron Return (Chiron natally squares my Venus in Cancer, and conjoins my 7th house Aries Moon); I want what I want from my personal relationships. I don’t want to suffer. I also know that it’s up to me to make this happen.

I want (and need) to feel a sense of control around this. When there’s an open-ended invitation that is not responded to, I feel like my boundary has a hole in it -literally; a gaping wide-open hole that anyone can walk through. This leaves me feeling totally out of my power.

Here’s what I’ve decided to do: Create a boundary, for myself. I give all open-ended communications 2 weeks to reach their natural conclusion, at which time, if I don’t hear back, I will take the initiative to say something, like “I haven’t heard back from you, so let’s connect at another time. xx” Lovingly, naturally. I am not doing this for them, or demanding: valuation, respect, a response. I am staying out of their business. I am doing this for me. I am closing the loop, I am giving myself closure. I am creating my own boundary.

Because I deserve this. I deserve to feel good. And my vulnerability to the feelings that this ongoing experience can create deserves my respect, and my care. Don’t I wish other people would just be straightforward, clear and honest?! YES!!! Sure, I do!!!

Not everyone is capable of that.

But you know what? I love learning how to BE my own best friend. I love figuring out how to do this.

***
I also love discovering new strategies that put my power back into my own hands…and my husband actually helped me with this one.

He has been going through a trying work-relationship thing. Although, technically, others have the power to do so, I could tell no one was able to capably respond. I said: “Let’s say that even though they should, they aren’t capable of responding to this for you. You need to create a strategy for yourself.” We came up with something. He did it, and he surprised everyone. He’s feeling freer and lighter.

After he thanked me for giving him that key, he came up with this idea to create closure for myself (yes, I am also married to my best friend :)).

I know that it’s popular to rant, hold inflexible opinions, and try to get other people to change. That doesn’t do anything for me. What does, always, is bringing it back to ME, 100%. I resonate with what the SUPPORT card says, (from my Intuitive Energy Deck guidebook):

“…At day’s end, it is not their job to figure out how to support us. It is ours. And the particular way others do not appear to support you truly serves to point out where you are not supporting yourself.” –Support Card, from the Intuitive Energy Divination Deck

This about sums up my approach in all of my relationships. Unlike complaining, it is empowering, and it ALWAYS works.

image: Kintsugi Heart by Addi Miyako

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WOMB Time: Winter Solstice

I’ve been working on sidling up to this time of year. I tend to feel the energetic contrast between the strong pull inward, and the additional hustle and bustle that gets added to my plate. This can cause me to feel I’m in a tug of war. On one side: The pull to go inward is soooo strong. And, the other: I’m getting ready for houseguests (my stepdaughters), planning Christmas dinner, presents, accepting (but really mostly declining) invitations…

From a neutral perspective, I like aspects of the time of year. But because I’m an introverted energy sensitive empath, and perhaps because there is so much more white noise swirling around me/us than I’d like (I do remember being a child and loving Christmas)… I feel an extra load of discord right about now.

In the spirit of making peace with what I am feeling, I “heard” (from my Guidance) that this time of year is similar to a woman’s menstruation. LOL. This made me laugh our loud, especially since I am officially in menopause! But what I received from this is that a woman’s cycle is a sacred, inward, time. It is a time of releasing seeds that did not come to fruition, feeling our feelings, taking much more rest, and tending to the soft animal of our body.

…Ahh, it’s Womb Time. This exact phrase had shown up in my journals earlier this month, and now it reappears as we release, slough off old dead stuff from 2023. During our own personal womb time, perhaps we used to bemoan our fates as women…bodily pains, a need for drawing back and in, lack of validation from the world for this biological process…but only a few years before my cycle stopped, I finally embraced this time as special. When I did, I recall it being a magical time of connecting to my own female earthiness.

This reminded me of a picture (above, a Norwegian design, meant for campfire storytelling), and then of an alternate reality which I will share with you.

Somewhere in my memory, or imagination (I’m unsure which), I have a vision of what this time of year would look like in a culture that truly understood and honored seasonal cycles. In this world, with built-in understanding of what earthlings most need to optimally thrive, we would be doing certain things right now.

Sleep. Imagine a lush forest full of dreaming temples, hibernation huts, or sleep chambers. Sleep – it’s quality, quantity and magical healing and nurturing powers- is the primary focus of this time of year. Our lives revolve around getting a good sleep. Celestial rituals are observed. We retire to our sleep chamber at dusk, awaken at dawn; we cycle with the Sun/Moon. Bedtime teas, warm fireplaces, starlight… lull us to sleep.

Healing. Daytime is about gentle exercise and relaxation, and attending to any pressing need we have for whatever we are working through in our healing. Healers are on hand for this. Because everyone has something to release, heal, integrate there are plenty of resources for this. This is because *this world values and honors just how important it is to do integration work- not only for our self, but for the collective.

Reflecting. Imagine having all the time in the world to reflect. At this time of year, my husband likes to “take out his scrapbook of memories”. He does not have an actual scrapbook, he makes time to stare at the Christmas ornaments, sink in, get quiet, and remember. In my world, imagination is not replaced by Tiktok videos. In my world, the imagination has time to drift because we value the importance of doing nothing.

Nourishment. We gather food. We make food. We share food. So many people do this quickly, or have others do it for them, preferring to spend time on other things. Not in this world. The physical is sustained by being wholly in all facets of eating: growing, gathering, cooking, coming together nourishes body + soul.

Reading. Ahhhh. Great books will be read, and listened to. Around the campfire, stories will be told. Don’t you love a good story that takes you places? A story that introduces you to aspects of your own experience?

Even though its peopled by all, Grandmothers also figure strongly in this world. Are you surprised? So many grandmothers – storytelling, cooking, helping us to heal. This is the world I love to imagine living in, right now. And in all honesty, it is truly a place I have created for myself; I do live this way most of the time. My life has been designed for plenty of time for the imagination, care, reflection, because this feeds my creative Spirit.

If you find yourself needing a break right now, I suggest taking it. Do what nourishes you; what lights you up. Rest is not optional, but a requirement – and if you would like a marvelous reframe on rest, I heartily suggest the book Rest Is Resistance, a fabulous book to support your desire to step away from grind culture.

Rest, heal, do what you love. This is what will fortify your body, mind, Spirit for the coming year.

 

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Mistakes (& Liz Gilbert’s Letters From Love)

Yikes! The very accurate card draw for my intuitive override.

I don’t know if you have ever noticed this, but I certainly do: I think I’m having a very personal experience but then I find out another Healer is having an eerily similar variation of what I’m grokking. I’ll click on Instagram, or open up my inbox, to discover: Hey, I’m not the only one going through this right now!

It speaks to our Interconnectedness; I feel we are doing Oneness work, together. Just as the whole of Consciousness shifts one drop at a time, it makes sense that similar themes come up for groups of us.

This past week, I made a mistake. I didn’t listen to myself, and I got sick with some kind of respiratory bug. The good news is, my Intuition is always and ever present; yes, the Inner Knower is alive and well!!! I am aware of the YES and the NO even when I fall asleep at the wheel, get distracted by Conditioning, get lazy, or fall into old habits- all what I call an “Intuitive Override.” An intuitive override is just what it says: You override your intuition.

…And when I do this, the consequences can be pretty huge. I got reallly sick. And not for the first time this fall. Cue: Getting angry at myself.

I have a confession: I can be really hard on myself, folks!!! I can be really kind, too, but when it comes to inner listening – overriding my intuition- I can really dole out the self-flagellation. As such, I’ve been working on self-forgiveness all week, in between the nose blowing and general physical misery.

So, this morning when I awakened to Liz Gilbert’s Letters From Love email on Mistakes, I thought: Hmmm, wouldn’t you know it? I recall passively subscribing to her mailing on Substack, as I’ve always enjoyed her work. Maybe it’s because she’s a Cancer Sun born, like me, but she resonates. If you’re not familiar with her Letters From Love, in a nutshell it is a Q&A she writes to Love. Or, you could say she asks for Soul/Spirit/Goddess/All That Is Guidance and channels the Answer she most needs. On Sundays, she publishes this on her Substack, and asks others to follow suit.

As a writer, this is also one of my tools – channeling Spirit Guidance through writing. So, because the Divine synchronicity of Oneness called and I chose to answer that call, I decided to join in. I’m posting mine, here, for you to read. You can visit Liz’s substack and read her letter.  And, of course, you can join in. You can do it with her, or here, or on your own. In my experience, Guidance feels best when you can give it to yourself. 🙂

***

Q: What does Spirit want me to know about making mistakes?

A: You will keep making mistakes because this is how you expand from where you are to where you are going next. It is not a straight line. Life is meant to be lived in this spiral of returning to where you’ve been in order to become where you are next.

Look at the world, at Earth. It is no different in the Collective than it is within you. What comes around has gone around. And so it is. You think you aren’t liking the consequences of not listening to yourself when its the not listening that you don’t like. And the self-anger you experience is an opportunity to be kind.

Perhaps the number of times you experience the same mistake in different forms underscores what you most want for yourself? Absolute self-honoring? The mistakes are a form of not honoring the self, which is some of your hardest-wired Conditioning. Therefore, why be harsh? The understanding you have is immense; you are wise to this. You know exactly how difficult this is for you because it is like gravity: What goes up must come down- the further away you got from yourself, the larger the Correction.

There is no other way. Extremes exist so you can see yourself clearly; were the stark differences not so pronounced, it just wouldn’t be the prize you seek.  And self-honoring is the prize of a life lived in Authenticity, as you say, or as we say, in harmony with your Spirit & Soul.

See if you can cherish the reflection this gives you on what matters most to you. How willing you are to set fire to all you’ve been told and instead carve out a new path! Your intention is pure and True. A momentary lapse of “asleep” does not change all of it- the whole of who you are and who you consciously choose to express and Be!

And so: If self compassion and self kindness are also a form of self-honoring for you, if you can elevate self-kindness to the same level as “being true to myself” “listening to Truth” “honoring myself”…you will find that mistakes still happen, but with far less self-flagellation.

 

 

 

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Mistakes

Yikes! The very accurate card draw for my intuitive override.

I don’t know if you have ever noticed this, but I certainly do: I think I’m having a very personal experience but then I find out another Healer is having an eerily similar variation of what I’m grokking. I’ll click on Instagram, or open up my inbox, to discover: Hey, I’m not the only one going through this right now!

It speaks to our Interconnectedness; I feel we are doing Oneness work, together. Just as the whole of Consciousness shifts one drop at a time, it makes sense that similar themes come up for groups of us.

This past week, I made a mistake. I didn’t listen to myself, and I got sick with some kind of respiratory bug. The good news is, my Intuition is always and ever present; I am very aware of the YES and the NO even when I fall asleep at the wheel, get distracted by Conditioning, get lazy, or fall into old patterns- all forms of what I call an “Intuitive Override.” An intuitive override is just what it says: You override your intuition. 

And when I do this, the consequences can be pretty huge. I got reallly sick. And not for the first time this fall.

I have a confession to make, to you: I can be really hard on myself, folks!!! I can be really kind, too, but when it comes to inner listening – overriding my intuition- I can really dole out the self-flagellation. As such, I’ve been working on self-forgiveness all week, in between the nose blowing and general physical misery.

So, this morning when I awakened to Liz Gilbert’s email on Mistakes, I thought: Hmmm, wouldn’t you know it? I recall passively subscribing to her mailing on Substack, because I’ve always enjoyed her work. Maybe it’s because she’s also a Cancer Sun born, like me, but she always resonates in a clear, strong, wise-woman way. If you’re not familiar with her “Letters from Love”, in a nutshell it is a Q& A letter she writes to Love. Or, you could say she asks for Soul/Spirit/Goddess/All That Is guidance and she channels the Answer she most needs. On Sundays, she publishes this on her Substack, and asks others to follow suit.

As a writer, this is also one of my tools – channeling Spirit Guidance through writing. So, because the Divine synchronicity of Oneness called and I chose to answer that call, I decided to join in. I’m posting mine, here, for you to read. You can visit Liz’s substack and read her letter.  And, of course, you can join in. You can do it with her, or here, or on your own. In my experience, Guidance feels best when you can give it to yourself. 🙂

***

Q: What does Spirit want me to know about making mistakes?

A: You will keep making mistakes because this is how you expand from where you are to where you are going next. It is not a straight line. Life is meant to be lived in this spiral of returning to where you’ve been in order to become where you are next.

Look at the world, at Earth. It is no different in the Collective than it is within you. What comes around has gone around. And so it is. You think you aren’t liking the consequences of not listening to yourself when its the not listening that you don’t like. And the self-anger you experience is an opportunity to be kind.

Perhaps the number of times you experience the same mistake in different forms underscores what you most want for yourself? Absolute self-honoring? The mistakes are a form of not honoring the self, which is some of your hardest-wired Conditioning. Therefore, why be harsh? The understanding you have is immense; you are wise to this. You know exactly how difficult this is for you because it is like gravity: What goes up must come down- the further away you got from yourself, the larger the Correction.

There is no other way. Extremes exist so you can see yourself clearly; were the stark differences not so pronounced, it just wouldn’t be the prize you seek.  And self-honoring is the prize of a life lived in Authenticity, as you say, or as we say, in harmony with your Spirit & Soul.

See if you can cherish the reflection this gives you on what matters most to you. How willing you are to set fire to all you’ve been told and instead carve out a new path! Your intention is pure and True. A momentary lapse of “asleep” does not change all of it- the whole of who you are and who you consciously choose to express and Be!

And so: If self compassion and self kindness are also a form of self-honoring for you, if you can elevate self-kindness to the same level as “being true to myself” “listening to Truth” “honoring myself”…you will find that mistakes still happen, but with far less self-flagellation.

 

 

 

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Wrapping Up 2023

When I sat down to write a blog to you (about Pluto- will do that, later this month), I realised there’s been so much to say about what I’ve been up to. So if you feel like reading one of those old-fashioned year end wrap up notes, the kind you get from your Auntie you haven’t seen in a few decades or that old friend from your school days, grab a cup of tea and settle in. I’m sharing a little bit about 2023, for me.

Let’s begin with the second half of 2023, as this latter half of the year was a big one. I went to Vienna, Austria for the month of October, with John, who consults for the United Nations, there. It was a lovely European Staycation; staying in a new place I love for a whole month or longer is my absolute preferred way to travel.

I recommend it. You get to settle in, develop daily live-as-the-locals-do rituals… and living like you’re Viennese is super! Getting up in the morning and bike-riding with all of the commuters (many Viennese ride the bike to work and play) to one of Vienna’s many historic coffee cafes, to sip on an Einspanner -an espresso with whipped cream- while people watching and pastry drooling is my idea of heaven.

A bit of coffee, and strolling the cobblestone streets, is just the epitome of romantic, *for me.

Then… a little shopping, perhaps? Or, feel like a museum? I love shopping in Vienna. I see trends in fashion that I don’t see here in the U.S., and definitely not in Hawaii.  Even visiting the market for daily groceries is a stimulating adventure. When I first arrived, this was an event. It took me forever to figure out what to buy, with all my food sensitivities, the language difference, and just different cultural habits, generally (do NOT dally at the checkout line -with bags, money and packing things up; Austrians are paragons of efficiency so you may feel a bit shamed if you do). Eventually, my very elementary understanding of the language came back to me so I could sort the food. I remembered to not dally, and my stress levels eased a bit.

After the jet lag passed, which took me a whopping week, only days later… we both got Covid. Ha! It was my first experience with Covid, and it WAS as bad as I thought it’d be. But I practiced excellent self-care, and we enjoyed a healthy last week and a half. The last week was my very favorite, in large part because I finally felt good. Also, I had figured enough things out to relax a bit. That’s travel for you! Or, at least for me.

When I had first envisioned this trip for myself, I “saw” myself finishing a book. I held the intention to do so… and SO IT IS! I DID complete a first draft of a work that I intend to publish in 2024.

But something else happened, too. As you might recall, my very first book A Love Alchemist’s Notebook: Magical Secrets for Drawing Your True Love Into Your Life, (FYI: you may not know that I’ve published 5 books now), was essentially written during a six-week stay in Vienna.  A few years ago, when this book went out of print, the rights reverted back to me. This means: If I want anyone to be able to ever read it again, I must re-design (new artwork) and republish it. It’s no small feat, figuring out how to reformat a book when all I have is a PDF copy, and designs I cannot use. But, while in Vienna, there was this painting that hung in the kitchen of our flat….which just kept nudging me to figure out how to do this: A woman in a wedding dress that was similar to mine, gazing over a body of water, and from behind she even looked “like me”.

LSS, now I’m working on two books for 2024! This process is hard work, AND so very fun for me.

But it’s also brought up the beast of marketing. Again. Along with some regrets about what didn’t work out, when I first became a published author with a public identity, back in 2010. So many new expectations! I didn’t want to do anything – but I made myself! I didn’t know how to say NO yet- so I didn’t! My grandmother died the same month the book was published! I got adrenal fatigue! Twice! Yes, I had just begun a Pluto transit. In the spirit of reflection, during the upcoming Mercury retrograde I plan to share more.

Back in Vienna… I had set the intention to do a self-paced six-week watercolor sketch journal class. I’ve done this class before (adored it), and since I had the old emails, decided to re-do it with my friend Alice from here in Honolulu. Almost daily we texted one another self-portraits and drawings, and LOL’d quite a lot.

So good.

Finally, as if things couldn’t be any romantic, creative, or cozier for this Cancerian… I got a kitten!

I’ve had cats, but not a kitten and this was on my bucket list for this lifetime. I named her Baby Bean. She is mischievous, playful and all the sweet and salty that you want in a kitten. She cuddles, is quiet at night (thank Goddess!). I sometimes awaken with her sleeping in the crook of my neck. Just this morning she: Took a nap on my neck (yes, my neck), lovingly licked my armpit, and kissed my nose with hers. Awww. She’s a Virgo.

This year, I was also feeling so good continuing to teach my Intuitive Energy Divination Deck class. This class idea was a big YES that began in 2021, and because I have such a small following of you, I really wasn’t sure how to people my desire with actual students…but it’s not up to me to figure out “how”, is it? Steadily, for the past few years, I’ve had 3 different cohorts of Intuitives study with me. They are learning about their intuition, and I get to learn from them, and myself! I hope to continue in 2024, Goddess-willing.

Finally, after my friends, Alice Inoue, and Heather Fern Vuchinich hosted a really fun VIP Self-Care Day last Spring, for sixteen people, we conceived a Vesta retreat in 2024. This has taken shape for the last weekend of April, 2024. Expect more news about this forthcoming, but if you want to come to Oahu for a weekend, and learn practices and astrology surrounding your Divine Calling, from 3 astrologers/healers…email me.

This fall, one thing that’s become clear for me is that only good things happen when I really listen to myself, to what I want, desire, need… and give the hard NO to the rest. Lukewarm choices = lukewarm life, right? This happens in both the big, and the little choices I make. It was a big choice to say YES! to going to Europe this year; it was my first time abroad in five years, and due to pets, health, and well, everything, it took months of planning. Worth it. The little choices, like listening to the call to do some drawing in Vienna, which I got to share with Alice, was so incredibly satisfying; now I have a notebook full of drawings to reflect upon.

There were NO’s: Trips not taken, experiences not ready to be explored, relationships not furthered, classes not taken, or offered. Things that either felt “wrong” to the inner listener weren’t meant to fly – including a few interesting experiments with social media. It was fine. All of it reflects how my own Inner Guidance is showing up more smoothly, naturally. I feel this year’s positive momentum is a reflection of my self-alignment.

When I think about what’s next, all I feel that I need do is re-member: Who I Am. Re-member to do the things that I have spent years integrating, and be Who I AM. As I re-read A Love Alchemist’s Notebook, alongside my newest work – funnily, I’m still the same person! I’m still yammering on about the True Self Connection, self-care, intuition, self-love, remembering that you are Divine and you are of Love… and so on. So, I have been reassured, reading both works, that I am walking my talk and that my core message remains the same. Ha! It appears that some part of me, the Soulful Wise Eternal I AM, moves through my words and actions.

I feel more than blessed – I feel Abundant. I hope you do, too. And I also hope that you keep your energy and focus on what matters most. You are here for a reason. Much love to you and yours this season,

 

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You Are Not That Person Anymore

Our mind constantly references old ways of being.
Similar to how a history book searches back in time
in order to make sense of what we experience today,
we look for what happened the last time we did this thing…

…and it didn’t go well.

We pull up our past Self.
The one who was simply coping with what she didn’t yet understand.
The one trying to survive, and who formed some beliefs to help her do that.
The one who was doing the very best that she could at the time.

Yet you are not that person anymore.

So why do you keep reviving her?

What if:
The next time your memory starts to follow that well-worn neural pathway to the person you once were,
what if you didn’t reach for her? And, instead, you decided to em-body someone else?
Perhaps: The person you are today?

The consciously-crafted,
wise,
incredibly aware,
version of your Self-
who you are Right Now.
Your Goddess Self.
Your True Self.

Because that person who doubted, feared, worried, despaired?
That person who only knew how to have this response?
That version of you who LEARNED this?
She is only being kept alive through memory and habit.

You can decide to put her down.
Let her go.
It really can be this simple:
Put down that precious artifact of your personal history,
and decide to reach for what holds the most vitality for you right now.

The minute the past is triggered, you can choose to come back into present time.

Try this:
Put one hand over your belly,
put the other over your heart,
and call in
Your True Self.

Make Her your new Reference Point.

You don’t have to keep your former Self alive.
Why would you?
You are NOT that person anymore. xx

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On Being A Published Author

Before I became a published author, with Llewellyn Press, I was rejected – many times. If you don’t know how difficult it is to be published by a mainstream press, please allow me to illuminate you:

You probably think writing the book is the hard part. Nope. Writing the book proposal is much harder. A 75+ page document that required me to “sound byte” all the best parts of my work, and take a bird’s eye view to communicate the story of the work, I had to put down my creator, and editor, hats. Now, I had to imagine myself as a book acquisitions editor, coming across hundreds or thousands of proposals. I needed to stand out. It was a different mindset.

The proposal I wrote for A Love Alchemist’s Notebook could’ve been a work in and of itself (if any of you aspiring authors want a copy of it to help guide your own process, feel free to message me). It was labor intensive. It was then that I finally understood what I hadn’t until now: the Author does everything for her work. Everything.

I wrote the back cover copy. I wrote the bio. I created the title, and sub-title. I structured the book into sections and sub-sections that made sense. I created the table of contents. I had it professionally edited. I concepted a cover for it. I created an “elevator pitch” for my work. I identified all the books similar to it, why people would want to read it, the market segments, and marketing strategies. I made promises about what I would do to fulfill my commitment to the publisher: sell copies of books, give talks and classes, interviews… and in my spare time – to continue to write.

Spare time! Ha!

Then, I had the proposal edited. I got blurbs and endorsements from as many people as I could. Yes, it *sparkled*, as bright as the book itself. It had to. And, for me, writing that proposal was also a huge pain in the you know what.

(What did my publisher do? They edited it, again. They decided on a new cover concept design, created from clip art and photoshop. They reached out to press, trade journals and they even scheduled a few great articles and bookstore events for me. And they printed and distributed the book to booksellers – of course.)

But back to me. Once accepted as their author: I attended classes. I networked with other authors. I joined a writers’ book club to learn tips. I hired a PR person. I employed people on Fiverr to help me reach out to bloggers who would be interested in my book. I reached out to any and all contacts I had – and made new ones. I even collaborated with a baker in Canada who was trying to launch a cupcake business. I think I “love-spelled” her cupcakes?! I had one of my book launches at a local coffee roaster where I magically “spelled” the coffee beans, on a full moon.

I did a lot of crazy and creative things, hoping something would work. I was hustling. I was a “real author”!

I also kept writing.

But times were changing. The art of selling books was changing. Thanks to Amazon, booksellers were closing their shops, and so it was getting harder for publishers to sell books. I am certain my book sales numbers disappointed my publisher. They had high hopes for this book. Then, the self-publishing trend began. You can probably see why it happened. Honestly, authors had to do so much for their books anyhow; I already knew how to do almost everything they did, and what I didn’t know how to do I could outsource. Eventually, I recognized that selling on Amazon, I could quickly recover the small advance my publisher gave me, and a bit more. This was the *new reality* – the one we have now. I just happened to get my book deal right at the cusp of this changeover, which was a weird timing thing for me.

I was and still am incredibly grateful (and quite honestly still thrilled) to have been accepted by a publisher. Twice. You may see why: IT’S SO HARD!!! For this reason, it’s an honor and privilege. I wanted to do my best, to be worthy of that.

Before I became an author with Llewellyn Press, I was rejected – many times. Recently, I was reminded of a rejection from a publisher. The letter read: WE DON’T PUBLISH BOOKS THAT TELL WOMEN HOW TO ATTRACT A MAN.

For the first time since joyously, lovingly, creating this book, I questioned myself, wondering: Have I done something wrong? The energy of judgment behind those words caused me to feel badly.

Luckily, I found the right publisher, who heard my story about learning to love myself, letting go of old beliefs, and using metaphysical techniques to open to soulful love. Yes, I am a woman who happened to want to attract a man. I wanted to be loved, and attract love, in the way I wanted.

Why share this now? I think we are alive during a time when it’s too easy to jump to conclusions about others. When I share my perspective it is one born of hard-won victories, the details of which are intensely personal and only I can ever know. Being inclusive is not my goal; sharing myself, my own story, authentically, is. Hopefully, authentic and honest sharing generates inclusivity – inspiring others to share their own experiences, which will be different from mine.

Nowadays, opinions come quite quickly, and often with judgment. In an attempt to be all-inclusive, and not offend anyone, it can be easy to lose yourself and your own message. I’m familiar with that.

Years ago, A Love Alchemist’s Notebook was taken out of circulation. I intend to bring it back. Attract-a-man spells, and all! ?

Other ideas include: having a soul mate in life, experiencing the feeling that another person completes you, and appealing to those who want to attract a man -with magic. I know it won’t resonate with some.

That’s fine with me. The process of sharing your Voice requires you to find your backbone and be willing to stand alone, if necessary.

As the saying goes, “stand for something or you’ll fall for anything… “ so here I stand.

Happy Aries-Libra Full Moon, all! This is a personal axis for me. May you: locate the courage and strength to BE YOURSELF, share your Voice, and experience your own victory of self-hood.

 

 

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Sacred Space + Boundaries + Virgo New Moon

Let’s explore the sacred.

Your body is sacred.

Your time is sacred.

Your space is sacred.

What do we mean by sacred? Here are some definitions: Worthy of your respect. Entitled to reverence. Holy. Other synonyms for sacred: Expresses the totality of life, is the eternal reality, holds special purifying, healing, power.

What are some especially sacred spaces? By the definitions above, in sacred space you are able to connect with the numinous, purify yourself, and return to good health. Primarily because these are the places your energy body requires peace in order to rest, recover, and find equilibrium, your: Home, bed, and areas of self-care and personal calling (a home office) are sacred. To feel your best: You must diligently tend them, keep them clear of dis-resonance and interference, and feel into any areas where you might be playing a little loose and fast with your True boundaries.

In other words, your sacred space is worthy of your own respect. If you don’t treat it as sacred, others won’t either.

Your bed is sacred. Your bed is ideally reserved for sleeping, relaxed playfulness and making love. Bed is NOT for heavy conversations, being on the phone, scary movie watching, or anything that disrupts the energetics of relaxation and pleasure for you. Okay, so you regularly do any of the above while in bed, and enjoy all of  it; maybe it’s not an issue for you. How will you know if it IS an issue? One or both partners experiences: Insomnia, restlessness in bed, no desire for sexual intimacy, not enjoying just laying and relaxing in bed, or any other energetic symptoms surrounding bedtime. If you need, you can put new boundaries around BED. Do this for your energetic well-being.

Your home itself is sacred. Your home holds your energy, especially if you are feminine. The woman, or the feminine partner, tends to be the one who primarily create the nurturing (feminine) energetics of home. If something at home isn’t resonating with feminine energetics, the whole household suffers. How? Things get funky! Appliances go awry. Plumbing backs up. Pets and kids act out. If you feel into it, you’ll notice the energy of the home feels overwhelming, chaotic. You may feel really badly yourself, and not entirely understand why. Energetics are invisible, but real. When this happens, it’s a sign. If you need, renew your boundaries around HOME, for your health and well-being.

Your home office and self-care areas are sacred. Interruptions, shared space in these areas, an ongoing inability to close a physical door, or loosely defined time boundaries around when you are not to be disturbed… result in leaky psychic boundaries for you, which impairs many things, including your ability to pull inward, and be in your own Guidance. Your office space holds the energy of your personal calling; would you invite just anyone and anything into that? If you need, use this upcoming NEW MOON to put new boundaries around your self-care and work spaces.

Why do I feel this conversation is so important right now?

It’s coming up. In myself, and with healer friends. We are feeling more sensitive, which, to me, says: Boundaries UP!

Let’s explore Boundaries.

What are boundaries? Primarily, my rule of thumb with understanding boundaries is this: Boundaries are YOUR PREFERENCES. They are unique to you, and what you most need and require to feel good. Your preferences are YOUR boundaries; these likes/dislikes are for your own protection. Boundaries are a deep form of self-honoring!

I explain boundaries to my students like this: You are a dot surrounded by a circle. When you trespass a personal boundary, it’s like poking a hole in the circle of your own energy field. No, you’re not poking holes at yourself (why would you do that?), at least not directly, but you are poking holes in your field of Awareness, and this is exactly how external energies enter into your personal space.  Holes in your energy field means feeling badly, or off.

Not all boundaries are sacred-space related; the physical space is often just easier for us to define. For instance, I know I have timing boundaries. My time is sacred. I am very sensitive to the Right Time to do a thing. When I let that slip, I suddenly start picking up on energies from social media, crowds, and the collective. I start feeling bad.

I’m paying extra special attention to boundaries, lately. I notice that when I let one boundary slip, I experience a domino effect – enter dis-resonant energies. I “get really sensitive”; I suddenly pick up on energies that I simply wasn’t before.

If you are busy, have a partner, and family… it’s easy to allow your boundaries slip from time to time. Forgive yourself. Distraction is a real culprit, and so is conditioning, like caretaking, guilt, people pleasing, over-accommodation… all take you out of your relationship to your Truth, and your unique preferences, requirements and needs.

If you need a little push to recommit to healthy routines, this Virgo New Moon empowers shifts in awareness around in these areas, including: self-improvement, health, and how you practically and efficiently manage your daily life. Perhaps it’s a perfect time to recommit to clearing your sacred space — and recommitting to your boundaries?

 

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