Jessica Shepherd's Blog, page 5

Taurus Eclipse: Eat, Sleep, Repeat

I remember when I was going through the wringer with my energy sensitivity changes; there was so much learning, and I was feeling triggered all the time from all I was feeling without yet fully understanding what I had the power to do about it.

I was energetically, psychically, overwhelmed, utterly and totally.

And my then-teacher Catherine Linard would tell me: Eat, sleep, poop. Everything else is optional… EVERYTHING IS OPTIONAL.

Right now, I’m hearing many of you are feeling stretched beyond capacity, so maybe this tip will come in useful for you.

Over the years, when any added life pressure teeters me close to the edge, I remember this simple piece of advice. I believe many of us, nowadays, have upgraded our self-care strategies. We need to practice radical levels of self-care, perhaps beyond what we even think is reasonable. It’s certainly been true for me. Hygeia, Goddess of Health and Hygiene, is on the angular Mid-heaven of my solar return this year; I am in utter awe of how much time and awareness I’ve had to put into my daily health and wellness practices, routines.

Never is this self-care message more true than at eclipse time. With the Taurus New Moon Solar Eclipse 4/30 at 11 TAU and Scorpio Full Moon Eclipse 5/15 at 25 TAU-SCO the Cosmic Message of slowing down for self-care feels timely and relevant.

The classic advice for eclipse season is to not push too far ahead into activity, to double down on rest, sleep, and all things self-care, as eclipse season is a YIN time – it is ruled by the Moon. Personally, I know this is the BEST way to manage my energy during this time, so that I will wind up feeling okay, good – versus feeling like I’ve been put through the cosmic eclipse washing machine.

Although things may feel, and actually be, rough and tumble for a few more days (the eclipse occurs this Saturday 4/30), Taurus’ cosmic message is: slow down, simplify, and enjoy life. This also means for anything you encounter that feels too complex, do your best to simplify it down to its most basic elements. And I do mean basic. To the point where, if you are psychically saturated and physically over-taxed, remember that you only have to do the essentials; everything else is OPTIONAL.

It’s a “best approach, best practices” message for the moment.

I believe this Taurus/Scorpio eclipse season is difficult for the fixed signs (TAU,LEO,SCO,AQU) because their strength- their very fixity, their stalwart steadiness, stubborn persistence– becomes a weakness if it carves grooves into unhealthy, habitual, behavior. Fixed signs are the hub, or axel, of the zodiac wheel; these people are built to hold it all together. But no one is exempt from change. On deeper levels, it may be time to re-examine patterns of fixity, to decide whether those are truly giving us what we want.

Meanwhile, for many, the Cosmic Message looks basic, like this: EAT. SLEEP. POOP. DO (X) PLEASURABLE THING. REPEAT.

 

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Nourish Your Adrenals With Aries

Right now, Nature is quickly growing, assertively pushing boundaries. You likely feel momentum all around you, calling you forward. As such, if you don’t have energy, you will notice it. Lethargy, sleepiness, joylessness and disinterest in doing anything are key signs your adrenals are fatigued.

Forward-looking Aries holds bodily dominion over your adrenals, which regulates how you respond to stress. This astrological first sign rules all things stressful, and fast-moving, in life, so if you don’t have the energy to match life’s demands, you’ll feel it now – during Aries season.

Good adrenal health is like having a nice fluffy feather mattress to land on during stress. When your adrenals are nourished, you experience some stress and you have a cushion. The thing is, long-term stress uses that cushion up…and, because they are so busy protecting you, generously giving you that cushion, you may not notice the cushion is actually being USED UP. Until you start developing symptoms of depletion, and then every little stress feels like landing on a hard floor …because… no more cushion left.

The good news is, astrology follows a law of correspondence, which says: To everything, a season. This means, during Aries season, we get extra healing mojo when we nourish the vital organs Aries rules.

NOTE: Adrenal health is ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT FOR WOMEN. Few of us think about our hormones, till they start to diminish. Then, the stress we’d thought we’d been “managing” – through activity, coffee, exercise, and our “active lifestyle”- turns into symptoms like fatigue, hot flashes, and early aging. Ugh. Here’s why this happens:

As we age, cortisol, produced by the adrenals, takes over for diminishing estrogen production in our bodies. For women, this means the ways we holistically manage our health …can actually affect how SOON we enter premenopausal and menopause, and how SEVERE our symptoms. If the adrenals are compromised through low level long-term stress (of even a high-powered lifestyle), it eventually impacts how much cortisol is available to compensate for that natural estrogen loss. Then, we can head into premature aging, and a host of uncomfortable peri- and menopause symptoms like hot flashes and night sweats. Double ugh.

((This post falls under the category of: things they never taught in Nutrition school. I have a health coaching degree, and the textbook never mentioned menopause. Not once. It has become glaring to me that women and aging is a much overlooked topic.)) But another topic, for another time. For now, let’s focus on Aries season as the perfect time to attend to your adrenal health.

TOP WAYS TO RE-NOURISH YOUR ADRENALS:

–Eat good fats. What is the building block of hormones, like cortisol? Healthy fats like coconut oil, butter, olive oil…(not poly fats) and animal fats are hormone building. You want enough cortisol to have a cushion for big and little stressors? Eat more healthy fats to help with that depleted feeling. Generally, if you’re feeling stressed, make double sure you are eating healthy fats.

–Eat the right foods, more frequently. I notice I am hungry more often when my adrenals are depleted (other symptoms are: feelings of fatigue, depletion, irregular heartbeat, not feeling totally rested even after sleep, craving salt, craving coffee and sugar, and peri-menopause hormonal symptoms). I eat more during these times because I know I’m feeding my adrenals and hormone production. It’s tempting to reach for quick fixes, ie, snack food. Instead I have homemade fatty whole food snacks on hand, like deviled eggs, roasted nuts, or nourishing leftovers. Sea salt, plenty of it, also helps to keep aldosterone levels steady.

-Gentle exercise, in the right time. Exercise is essential, in many ways; it is anti-aging, it WILL prevent future aging type mobility issues- so important, and yet it’s all about the timing. Cortisol is higher in the morning typically, and lower in evening. This means if you are exercising at low cortisol times, and you have some depletion, you will get an energy boost but you will also still feel draggy. This is NOT ideal. Exercise increases cortisol production…but if you don’t have enough, it’s like spending from an overdrawn bank account. You tap it, it delivers, but with consequences. So: Gentle exercise, in the right time, and not manically/not too much.

-Prioritize pleasure. Having consistent and ongoing pockets of joy and relaxation in life is the number 1 doable thing I can consistently do to keep my adrenals healthy. Joy, pleasure and relaxation fill up your feather bed mattress, or your bank account (depending on your metaphor). Don’t underestimate the healing and health-giving impact of slowing down and enjoying yourself, and your life. People just don’t prioritize it, but prioritizing joy and pleasure has healed me from many maladies.

-Get back to basics. We forget to do even the most basic, health-promoting, things sometimes. Here are some more tips: eat plenty of greens…have good sleep hygiene…get your anger and stress out with things like: EFT, trauma shaking and primal screams… Explore adaptogens like: licorice, ashwaganda, ginseng, maca. If you are in perimenopause or menopause, and are experiencing night sweats and hot flashes, I’ve had success with hesperidin – which is not commonly in supplements. And, of course, sometimes the best way to manage your stress is practical: remove the stressful thing, or figure out how to mollify its effect.

Finally, you can look to your Mars (Aries’ ruler) to understand whether it’s a “hot spot” for you, health-wise, in your birth chart. Start with the element: Fire sign Mars is grace under pressure but when they burn too hot, too long, they burn out. Earth Mars has great endurance till they hit a wall, they are done, and it takes a lot of time to build back up again. Air sign Mars has a tendency to dissipate their energies with too much activity, motion, and wonder why they are exhausted all the time. Water sign Mars can underestimate their own healing resources, including the practical wisdom of prioritizing excellent self-care.

…Anything you can do for your adrenal health, over the next few weeks, will be amplified by the astrological magic of Divine Timing.

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Why Can’t I Hear My Spirit Guides?

I admit, it kind of bums me out when I hear others exclaim, “I’m so grateful for my Guides!”  When I honestly inquire into the question, I hear: Everyone connects differently, and while we may all have guiding spirits that accompany us through our human journey, not all of us will be introduced to, talk with our Guides, and be on a first name basis.

There is such glamour surrounding getting in touch with Spirit. I believe there is far too much emphasis placed on the extraordinary (and guess who gets those extraordinary talents? “Other people.” Always. A thought that basically guarantees you can’t/won’t connect.) and not enough on the ordinary and everyday ways we are constantly connecting and receiving Spirit messages.

Spirit connection is all-inclusive. Why would anyone be left out… because they aren’t conversing with Guides??? The whole business can remind me of high school, all over again, with the “popular ones” being channels and psychics.

The truth about Spirit Guidance is: We are receiving it all of the time. All of the time. In the way we are guided, daily, to do one activity over another – we WANT to go somewhere, for instance- and when we listen, we experience flow, synchronicity, there. Most of us experience guidance in ordinary ways. In: dreams, impulses, awareness, heart desires, synchronicity. Occasionally, we might hear a directive, see a psychic image, feel a strong intuition, or a premonition, or receive an amazing “sign”.

My inner guidance is less bells and whistles and more Wise Woman on the mountain. I can surprise myself at times, and do, but for the most part it’s pretty ordinary, since the only ongoing training I participate in is… listening inward, and reading the feedback.

I have a story to tell. In putting together my first class –an invitation offered to those who have purchased my Intuitive Energy Divination Deck– I pulled on all of my inner listening skills. The concept came together, as did a class outline. When I went to choose dates, I just couldn’t. At first, I thought I was being indecisive (I’ve got Libra Rising). When I schedule something like this, I will do what I call “feel into the energy”. But when I would pull up my psychic calendar, the energy refused to land on any particular date(s). How could anyone pitch without a start or meeting dates? This was a dilemma. It almost stopped me entirely.

Then, I asked Spirit “how should I move forward with the class?” and pulled the Invite and Allow card from my Intuitive Energy Divination Deck. Oh, okay. I’d Invite, dates TBD, and see who was “in.” I sat down to craft an invitation to my group of people. I did a real market-y one- the way they are being done now. That felt all WRONG. Then I just wrote an honest letter from my heart.

I sent the email…checking in on timing (yes) and with my heart (yes, I really want this). I still felt doubtful. It was a hard winter.

When I didn’t get a big response, I felt some big conditioning (disappointment) kick-in. As I started going into a story about that, into my mind the word WAIT (just like that). I replied, more than a little surly, “how long? Like, months, years?” And I “heard”: two weeks.

Exactly two weeks later it all came together. Because it took that amount of time for the right people to come together. Not leading with any determined date was also the right choice: it allowed the group to determine the meeting dates, which worked beautifully.

I am sharing all this because, for most of us, Guidance doesn’t always happen in downloaded conversations with Spirit Guides. Cool things still happen though: like WAIT… two weeks. Or, the feeling-knowing that something is WRONG or RIGHT. Or, an energetic feeling of emptiness. Or, Spirit communicating through divination card decks and other forms of synchronicity.

Some people do have a relationship to their Guides. I think that’s beautiful. But Guides have become the *Magical Unicorn*. I think we need to remember that we are Diverse, with a capital D. We are each here to express unique gifts and that means we will also learn in different ways, and times. Me? I am energy sensitive and empathic so much of my guidance arrives through FEELING, and physical sensitivity. I have practiced some clairvoyance over the years, so I can receive that as well. Since I am very attuned to sound, hearing, listening… I can be clairaudient. As a writer, I find deep flow in this creative space so can easily channel, here.

(As New Thought leader Michael Beckwith has said (I’m paraphrasing): People aren’t born special, they special-ize. For sure, inner listening skill I dedicate my time and life to. As with any special-ized skill we want to cultivate, we tirelessly work on it.)

This is why you won’t hear me talking about my Guides, because, for me, all messages come from Spirit/my Soul in a variety of ways. I give myself permission to do what feels most natural for me. This liberates me to discover what works for me, because what works for others won’t necessarily work for me (Note: It is my personal understanding that while ANY of us CAN have direct conversations with our Spirit Guides, most of us actually do not WANT this, for various reasons, including the one above).

I’m sharing this with you because we are in a special period of time. I wrote about this earlier, in this post, (linked) if you are curious. The relevant takeaway is this: Now is not the time to underestimate your connection to Spirit. You are spiritually smarter, stronger, wiser and more connected than you probably currently realize. You are receiving Spirit messages all of the time!

 

 

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Chiron, The Wounded Healer Archetype

Throughout my life, I’ve faced many moments where I exhausted my resources and appeared to reach a dead end, where nothing more can be done. I reach the limits of my awareness; I have a blind spot. My search for clarity yields a half-wisdom that doesn’t quite emerge, not fully. The solution is out of reach. I feel utterly defeated.

This is the path of every Healer.
But, I digress. We will get to this in a moment.

This type of experience used to happen quite a bit related to my health, with strange symptoms and undiagnosable physical pains taking me out of life and into a sort of no- woman’s land of darkness and mystery. Then, around 2015, it began occurring with frequency related to energy sensitivity. Energies that plagued me, distracted me from feeling like myself, would cause me to pull on various tools and techniques. It has taken time, grace, and so much patience to get back into a sense of alignment.

In many difficult experiences, I noticed my Ego wanting to use these unfair experiences to throw the baby out with the bathwater. To build a story about how awful life was, and how “this path sucks.” Particularly “my path sucks (at times, I wanted out of life entirely).” But I noticed when I did this, I forfeited my relationship to myself, something I always can control, to the experience I was having- which I often cannot control.

Let me say this again, because it is so vital to understanding Chiron, and ourselves:

When I allow my relationship to myself become compromised by the confusing, painful life experiences I do not yet understand and cannot control, I suffer.

It doesn’t seem a “fair” thing to do to one’s self, does it?
Yet how often do you do this- to you?

Chiron & the Inherent Unfairness of Life 

Chiron’s life wasn’t fair.  Unfairness is embedded in the myth. Chiron sustained a permanent injury because he was caught in the crosshairs of someone else’s battle. He just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and was injured by a poisonous arrow. Chiron spent the rest of his life in chiron-ic pain. Trying to heal a wound that just didn’t seem to want to fully heal, he became a master of astrology, acupuncture, homeopathy, sound therapy, energy healing…and just about every alternative medicine we have on this planet. This is why Chiron is the father of alternative medicine, and why he spent so much time learning. Eventually he became a teacher consulted for his healing gifts.

Wanting out of life, wanting to die, is also inherent to the myth. Chiron was an immortal with a wound, which meant he would live forever with his pain. Eventually he made a bargain with another God to trade his immortality for mortality- so Chiron could die. Those who have experienced chronic pain and suffering understand this kind of dark bargaining.

The Chiron journey is like this: You try everything you can to ease the ache, the pain, and while you may or may not be successful in easing your pain, you will become a master of yourself. You learn healing techniques. You develop self-awareness. If Chiron is strongly placed in your chart, you are a wounded healer. If it is connected with your Mid-Heaven, tenth house, or tenth house ruling planet (as it is for me -all three) you will be that person in a more public way. It’s part of your contribution to the greater good.

Chiron & Crossroads Moments

Everyone has a Chiron, an area of life that aches, feels incredibly unfair, and tempts us into adopting a victim consciousness. It is not just defined to physical health, although a need for integration and healing is at the root of it. For one person, Chiron appears in relationship (7th house Chiron), for another, in co-worker situations (6th house Chiron), and for another through children or relationship to creativity (5th house Chiron) and so on… It’s the Achilles heel that, by design, will deliver many “crossroads moments” for our growth- moments of having a partial or incomplete way forward so that we can discover something about our self.

Imagine a heroine traveling through the desert. Her wagon broke down, the wheel rolled right off. It is nighttime, she seeks shelter. She sees a house but the doors and windows are locked. She can hear the hungry night animals shift about, and she knows she is in unfamiliar land. What to do? Is there anything to do? (often there is nothing we are required to do, or can do).

A crossroads moment is a period in which we are facing uncertainty, and a lack of vision or solutions, for an indefinite, seemingly interminable, amount of time. Something new wants to emerge, and eventually will– a revelation, perspective, insight. But at the moment –and because there is no time in Spirit, this moment stretches on for days, weeks, years — the path appears blocked.

We can use this “crossroads moment” to feel disempowered, victimized by something we do not yet understand. We can go back to every other moment we’ve had this exact feeling and call up all those disempowered moments up to exacerbate this one…and this will definitely stimulate our deepest terrors and fears for ourself. What if the night animals eat me, and I die? What if I don’t make it through the night? What if I’ll always be alone? What if I never find my right work/mission? 

Or we can decide who we want to be in this story we are living.  For instance, I can recognize that while I cannot control what I experience, I can decide who I AM. I can decide to be empowered, I can choose to see my circumstances with the curiosity of a student willing to learn from what presents. I can pray for guidance, and the grace to recognize helpers, synchronicities, insights.

I may not like or even want some of my earthly experiences, but I can choose to love the Earth, and myself.

Every day, I can choose to be the kind of person I want to be; perhaps today that is kinder to myself, gentle, tender, present and self-aware. I may not be able to choose what I experience, but I can always intentionally choose the experience of myself that I want to have – and therein lays my true power. I don’t let this crossroads moment define me, or take control of my energies, who I AM. No matter the appearances of what is or is not happening in my life, I don’t have to let it compromise my relationship to ME.

When the heroine feels the walls close in around her…

In that moment, that can stretch on for days, weeks or years…

Here’s a golden question to ask: Am I victim to this, or am I a curious journeyer of life?

Journeyer or Victim?

A journeyer expects and accepts discomfort, confusion and unknowns as part of the journey. A journeyer knows a destination isn’t fixed, it can change as circumstances change. A journeyer relies on curiosity and intuition to navigate tough terrain, and tight corners. A journeyers motto might be: I may not know what this is all about, but I know I will figure it out!

A victim allows circumstances to alter her self-perception, and define her very identity. A victim sees external experiences as a true reflection of her capacities. A victim lets the drama of external situations and people to energetically commandeer her relationship to her True self. A victim’s motto might be: This always happens to me. I can’t ever get it right.

Whereas a journeyer sees life as an unpredictable journey of self-discovery, one in which, like commanding a ship, we can steer in certain directions but not control what we experience… A victim mentality exists, interestingly enough, because, like a child, it believes it can control everything, so uses any feelings of lack of control in their life as a springboard for all kinds of toxic negativity.

Reflect on your relationship to Chiron. Reframe your experience and you start to change how you relate to yourself, and everything.

Chiron in Aries: It’s Your Decision

When we are faced with an uncomfortable or painful situation, we always have a choice to feel defeated, or to allow the fear, discomfort, obstacles to marshal deeper resources from within. We might ask: What is the highest outcome for this? What control do I have (and not)? Yes, this is painful and unfair, but who do I want to be? Think about your favorite heroes and heroines, women and men who have faced great adversity and have decided to use it to advantage. A woman loses her hearing to an illness but uses that to become an advocate and teacher for others, for instance. A person who uses oppression to find her voice, to speak out for others. Whether you will be a victim of circumstance that you cannot control or not is a decision and it’s all YOURS.

This is the fighting spirit of Chiron in Aries. Why do I know it so well? I am blessed with this placement (conjunct my Aries Moon). One of the biggest leaps I made in changing my perspective about all of the hardships I’ve experiences is to decide to see myself as the heroine of every adversity I face. Heroines need victories (Aries Moon), even little ones (sometimes those are all I get).

So, here are some more points for reflection: Do you let your experiences define you, allow the drama of daily life and others’ energies pull at you and distract from yourself? Or will you decide to lead with your I AM? This is “key” for Chiron in Aries, to lead with your own choices about who you want to be. You don’t get to choose the experience but you do get to choose how you hold your experience. You get to decisively decide. That’s Aries, using your personal will. Sometimes stubbornly, always insistently.

Chiron & Your Willingness

One final story I want to share about Chiron has to do with the symbol itself: a key. A key is the only thing that can open a closed, locked, door. And, until you are on the other side of that locked door, nothing else exists – how can it? All you can see is the door, all you can see is the immovable obstacle. This is the feeling many of us experience, those of us who are deeply Chironian.

I’ve thought about the key symbol for a long while. Then, a few weeks back I decided to do a chi reading on myself (one way I’ve learned of receiving Spirit messages). Images dropped into my Consciousness, and one, a skeleton key, was the aberration in the message; it stuck out oddly, so held the substance of the message. I looked up the symbolism and read: key=willingness.

I understood, finally. This. The key to working with Chiron is our willingness. The door can only stay locked and closed so long as we are unwilling to: change our perspective, work with it, accept it, decide to do something with it, learn, teach… When we decide to do something with our WILL… our WILL-ingness is the thing that breaks the spell, and unlocks the closed door.

 

 

 

 

 

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ARIES New Moon Prayer

instead of confidence
I want natural-ness
the easy feeling of being myself, in myself

comfort in my own body and skin
doesn’t arise from pushing into areas that cause me stress

I seek a different kind of experience

just as water, following her own riverbed,
doesn’t need to force, push or struggle

she only needs to love the feel of the
rocks
sand
sky
and to rejoice in her own Abundant flow

-Jessica Shepherd, author of Follow the Moonlit Path

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April’s Odd Astrology

It started out with a weird interaction at an award show; Will Smith gives Chris Rock a punch in the face for an inappropriate comment. And Astrologers everywhere ask: Was it the astrology of Will Smith, or is it the astrology of the moment?

Both. The start of April is an odd blend of two very different astrological signatures.

Let’s embrace and LOVE our differences this week… as Mars and Saturn prepare to conjoin at 23 Aquarius (4/4) under an Aries New Moon (3/31). It may not be the time to expect new projects to go forward easily or without delay, since Saturn requires fortitude, persistence, patience, timing (and yet, in the same breath, long-standing projects that have already been building for quite awhile can come to life). This seed-energy imbedded into this new lunar cycle, so be kind to yourself.

When the warrior planet Mars meets restrictive and inhibiting Saturn on 4/4 at 23 Aquarius, it is a powerhouse of focused energy. Thwarted, slow to act, or restrained, depending on how it interacts with a person’s birth chart, this powder keg can go either way. In a natal chart it can signify masculine (Mars) feelings of impotency (Saturn) -and/or- persistent drive and ambition, because what restricts (Saturn) builds energy (Mars). It’s all how we use it. It is also common in the astrology of endings.

Because of the Mars rulership, the Mars-Saturn conjunction is a feature of the Aries New Moon on 3/31. So what does this tell us? Perhaps, to go slow, not be so impulsive. Be alert to anger in ourselves, and in others, and take time to cool off instead of acting on impulse. It can be a volatile/violent aspect, although it doesn’t have to be. Lines can be coolly and clearly drawn – if needed.

Are there times when the cosmos circulates a bit more earthly magic? If you have been missing *the magic*, the once every 12 years Jupiter-Neptune conjunction (23 Pisces, on 4/12) is an aspect to look forward to. Here’s how I am thinking of this: You are spiritually smarter than you probably realize. You are more connected, more knowing, than you give yourself credit for.

Why? Neptune rules Consciousness itself. Jupiter magically expands all it touches. Wherever Jupiter connects with another planet or point, we are asked to not underestimate ourselves. Jupiter, connecting with Neptune, our very consciousness, our connection to All That Is, shouldn’t be underestimated. It is one of those points in time when we can make spiritual leaps.

To me, this is saying: this is the time to pray and know it will work. Or to know that you’re a good enough yoga teacher to become an actual teacher. Or, that your Intuitive Knowing is GOOD… all things related to Spiritual consciousness are receiving a boost of celestial confidence… and our cosmic job is to not downplay ourselves down in any areas of spirituality, right now.

Not to say this same aspect can’t lead to delusion, or over-estimation of one’s spiritual abilities; again, it all depends on the chart and the person — this aspect in the chart of a person who tends to overestimate their self could lead to the kind of unfounded confidence that is not so great. This aspect reminds me of a very talented healer friend who had a sleeping pill habit, and who knew that when he took a particular pill (Ambien) he would not remember what he did the night before. That story… did not end well.

Astrology is like this; a cross-current of tendencies. It is rain and sunlight happening at once. This is what makes life interesting.

How can we navigate energetic cross-currents so that the magic available finds us? Self-awareness.

May you be divinely blessed with Jupiter-Neptune’s magic, and cosmically emboldened by Aries’ self-awareness.

 

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Invite and Allow

(please enjoy this repost – from my archives!)

I notice the more I focus on resolving or fixing anything, the worse I feel. It’s the law of what you focus on grows: Whatever obstacle I think I’m experiencing only becomes more solid.

It would seem that a problem can only remain a problem as long as I believe it is one. The moment I can relax, accept, invite and allow a solution to appear, it either resolves itself, or dissolves entirely.

Is it magic? Smoke and mirrors? When a problem ceases to be a problem entirely, it can feel that way. When our consciousness finds the grace to be okay with what is happening, that is what allows solutions to appear, circumstances to shift — as if by magic.

…It’s as if only when you become willing to inhabit your Divinity more fully, can the Divine in you step in to help.

I have a funny story around this. We were looking for homes, relocating from the Bay Area to Hawaii, and the clock was ticking- we had less than 24 hours to find one. It was up to me, since my husband was busy with a gazillion new colleagues, and in this particular moment I was due to look at a house in 15 minutes. But when I reached for my rental car key I realized John had it, and he was in a meeting, unable to bring it to me. I called the renter and explained my situation. She told me it was the only time she could show us the house.

I hung up and felt the edge of anxiety ebb into my consciousness: Our plane left tomorrow evening, we had no home, things were looking grim. All of the houses we’d seen so far were, frankly, real s***holes. This was the one and only house I’d pinned my hopes on, and now, this. What to do? I didn’t want to spin out into defeat.

I took this window of time as an opportunity to go swimming.

I jumped into the Infinity pool (no joke). Between swimming laps and floating, I invited Spirit’s help. Then, floating on my back I experienced the sensation of being held. It was a small shift for such a big ask, but I had an awareness I was being Divinely supported. My intuition soon told me to leave the pool, and I reluctantly did. Back in the room, I checked my phone. Our prospective landlord said she would come to my hotel, and pick me up, to show me the house. Could I please be ready in 10 minutes?

The house was perfect for us, and soon after, it was ours.

We so easily link a cause with an effect: that a person or circumstance is causing us pain, inconvenience, a bad day, or difficult life. I could’ve told myself the missing key had ruined my chance to see a nice house, for instance.

It begs the question: What if the perceptual association we make — that THIS is a problem — is the actual problem?

It reminds me of a story I had heard from our then real estate agent, named Spirit, yes, Spirit ;). For years before she was famous, Spirit worked with the healer and author Byron Katie, coordinating her satsang. Katie was getting bigger, attracting a wider audience, and Spirit became worried about the facility size not being able to hold the numbers of participants. To which Katie replied (in her Byron Katie way), “Sweetie, I’m just not sure that a room has a size”. And, sure enough, the room somehow expanded to hold all attendees.

We can always keep our focus on the problem — for instance, on not having the key. I could have gone into a blame spiral toward myself, or John, for its absence. I could have gone into panic about the future. Instead, I invited and allowed a solution to appear.

What would’ve happened had I not: made the decision to take a nice swim, Invited and Allowed my Divinity to help me… and instead crumpled like a used towel, defeated by the perception of a problem? Would everything have worked out?

I’ll never know, but to paraphrase Byron Katie…I can always know which choice will cause me less suffering.

Click here to purchase the Intuitive Energy Deck, featuring the above pictured Invite and Allow card and practice!

 

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Releasing Shame At Virgo Full Moon

Although I’m not a Virgo, last week I had an experience that Virgos want  to avoid like plague – I felt dreadfully unprepared.

I made an appearance on my friend, Alice’s, app but I didn’t know how to use the darn thing. So, despite really wanting to be on my desktop where I feel comfortable and have everything set according to my needs, I got on using my iPhone, because I’m new to app culture and that’s what I thought I had to do. Although I don’t know what they saw (a harried woman with lots of backlighting and a phone moving erratically through space and time?)…I do know how I felt: in a spotlight, unprepared, spinning out of control.

And I couldn’t shake it. Despite forgiving myself, despite letting myself off the hook for not being perfect, or for simply learning.

It triggered shame. A feeling of being inadequate and somehow horribly “wrong”. Most definitely not right. Not okay.

When I inquired into the deeper source of this feeling I went all the way back to: being called on in Mr. Lucero’s Spanish class, and not having the answer; being put on the spot in choir and feeling my singing voice was subpar; to math class, where, despite my rigorous attempts and after school tutoring, it wouldn’t sink in; being onstage in a school performance- and giggling during my lines; being singled out as the too skinny white girl in a junior high school full of tough, big-boned, cholas (hispanic girls)…

…All were real life situations where I was in the spotlight and I felt so uncomfortable, vulnerable and inadequate.

…But anyone can survive discomfort and inadequacy. What made me feel so horrible was the judgment I placed on myself.

I thought: There must be something wrong with me for FEELING THIS WAY (not: I don’t like this, or, this is uncomfortable). In childhood, my emotional sensitivity was criticized, punished- and so the harsh self-judgment I can feel is directed toward my deeply sensitive and feeling nature.

(Brene Brown has said that judgment is the gateway drug to shame. It only takes one little self-judgment to open the floodgates.)

Shame is a lot like mold. It only grows in the dark, in the places we hide. While I’ve yet to find its cure -it is so pervasive in our culture; in our education, religious, moral and childhood conditioning, it is almost impossible to escape – what I have noticed is the more I allow my authentic experience into the light of day, the freer I feel. Shame needs dark to grow. In the sunlight, mold dries up.

Astrologically, I’ve long associated shame with the Virgo-Pisces axis. I can’t tell you exactly who I learned this from (perhaps from astrologer Jeff Greene?) but combine the Virgoan desire for perfection…mix in some self-flagellation and masochism, a very shadowy Pisces, and a sense of having sinned, or fallen short of Heaven… this connection intuitively makes sense to me.

Shame is one of the 58 cards in the Intuitive Energy Divination Deck. Honestly, I pull this particular card more than I care to, and more than I want to admit to you. But by admitting this to you, I’m giving it all some room to breathe. Honest acknowledgment is the only thing that clears it; not tiptoeing around it, not creeping around in the dark. Shame can only exist in the dark, held away from others, like a secret or a “bad” thing about oneself. Yet, as the Shame card reads, shame is perpetuated by a belief that Right or Wrong exists. And you can: “Free yourself from all ideas of Right or Wrong to be permanently free from shame.”

If this sounds like a tall order – especially in a culture of pointing out rights and wrongs – it is. Yet, Shame is the most damaging energy you can contribute to the world. Again, shame begins with a judgment, toward another person, or toward oneself (this might not even sound like a judgment, be something said in “jest”, or be a subconscious thought, but still carries the energy of judgment).

You have been harshly judged about different things than I have – but we all know how badly it feels to be judged. It feels awful. And when judgment enters the room, shame is sure to follow.  Nothing ever heals in this way; the cycle only repeats.

There are many possibilities for this Virgo Full Moon. Personally, I’ve let go of another layer of shame, let some light in, and given myself room to forgive myself, be imperfect, be authentic and more loving toward my emotionally sensitive nature.

When I give myself permission and self-acceptance around what is true for me, I discover a natural ease within myself, and within my sensitive nature. I can be intensely feeling; I can feel excruciatingly uncomfortable in the spotlight, and in learning situations; I can feel dreadfully unprepared in some situations, and vulnerable… yet it’s safe and perfect to be exactly who I AM.

 

 

 

 

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Pisces New Moon Card Draw: ARIES-PISCES!

I love the myriad ways this deck can be used. In client sessions, healing circles, ritual and intention setting, for personal integration work, and, of course, one of my favorites: lunar cycles. I pulled the Boundaries card for the New Moon question: What does Spirit want @moonkissd readers to know about this Pisces New Moon cycle? And here is a brief excerpt from the guidebook:

28. Boundaries
Do what it takes to feel safe and peaceful.

One of the gifts of self-awareness is exercising your right to have boundaries. There are many kinds of boundaries: boundaries of time, space, conscious awareness, physical, sexual, and even psychic boundaries, too. Your extrasensory sensitivity to the energies of other people and the collective, for instance, can be more open or more closed at any point in time. What is being shown you, right now, about your boundaries? Are you judging yourself for being abrasive, sharp, testy when you are actually feeling this way for a reason? Your awareness of your limits, your “No, I do not want this,” allows you to feel safe and secure in yourself. When we do not honor our boundaries with clear action: we find ourselves in situations we do not want, tend to feel irritable, and even unsafe. Ground, root, and center. Then ask, “What boundary requires my attention?”

Then, my good friend Alice Inoue of yourHappinessU.com texted me to say she did a card draw using the INTUITIVE ENERGY DECK for her monthly astrology gathering. I will be doing a free online event with her March 20; you need to register to attend and you can register right here. So I thought I’d share a brief snapshot of your card for the month via Alice (see above image- the cards appear, L-R, ARI-VIR; LIB-PIS bottom).

ARIES: 33. Judgment. All is held in Divine Perfection, including You.
To the Ego, this is a world of right and wrong…and for the Soul, in between that world of right and wrong exists absolute peace and perfection. The appearance of this card suggests you are making yourself feel badly by judging that you, or another, have done something wrong, are wrong, or worse, there is something wrong with you. Where are you stuck in judgment, being unduly harsh?…

TAURUS: 31. Intentionality. Be specific and practical about what you want.
It’s a common Ego misperception to believe that the reason we don’t have something we want is because we lack one thing or need more of something else. In Truth, the Soul doesn’t ever lack or need anything; the experiences we most desire arise from adjusting and correcting our misperceptions. Right now, you don’t need more willpower, discipline, motivation, love, or money to experience what you most want—what you need is more intentionality. The appearance of this card suggests that you aren’t calling on the Divine support always available for the asking. Where are you settling for sloppy seconds, or veering a little far off from the life you envision for yourself?…

GEMINI: 34. Permission. Don’t hold back. Offer yourself what you crave.
It is strange that we often need to give our self literal permission to do or be who we are naturally, permission to want and do the things we organically love. But if you think about it, from an early age we learned to ask authority figures for permission to be our natural self, with all its unique cravings, desires, and preferences, and these were often denied. The appearance of this card suggests you are denying yourself permission to do, be, or want something—and your own self-permission only offers you a greater degree of fullness, freedom, and ease…

CANCER: 55. Line in the Sand. Sit in your Truth and draw a line —for Love.
In relationships, and especially when we are empathic and have been conditioned to put other people first, we often feel a push-pull between what others want and what we want. Sometimes there is an apparent conflict between what they are telling us and what we see, know, feel as Right and True. The appearance of this card suggests you are in possession of the Truth and it is time to draw a line in the sand. This issue you are facing requires decisiveness, determination, and leadership on your part—to not only voice the Truth of what you feel, but to decisively draw a line in the sand to steer this relationship or situation in a direction that feels more authentic for you…

LEO: 38. Invite and Allow. Ask your Divinity to lead the way forward.
From a young age we are told that in order to make something happen, we must physically do something. This works for certain things that require manual effort, like keeping our bodies in shape or our house clean, but not other areas, like healing from an illness. Likewise, we also learn that for the big miracles, we must pray to a force outside of ourselves, like God or Luck, and hope for the best. There is a middle way—one that utilizes both the dedication and intentionality of your Intuitive Self, and allows Spirit, within, to help you. The appearance of this card suggests you are caught up in an illusion about how to make something happen, when a more effective approach would be to invite and allow it to happen for and through you…

VIRGO: 3. Center. You’ve been away, come home to yourself.
Modern life offers so many distractions, so many opportunities for leaving our center. The appearance of this card suggests you are not “here.” Where are you? Are you lost in a story? Are you caught up in an energy? Thinking about the future or ruminating on the past? You are away from your center and it is time to come back home. Now is the time to ask, “Where am I?” Don’t spend too long answering the question, which will only keep you in your head. You’ve been there, done that! The important thing now is to, energetically, come back home, back into your heart chakra, your spine, and especially the area of your spine behind your heart…

LIBRA: 40. Rewards. Praise what’s good to experience Good.
You are amaze-balls! You are doing fabulous work! You are awesome sauce! You are a good person! How odd is it that we give such positive reinforcement to our pets or children daily, but we don’t give our self the same positive strokes for doing simple things well? The appearance of this card suggests it is time for some positive reinforcement. What positive thing have you just experienced that you’d like to keep experiencing and have even more of? What unhelpful habit are you making great headway on changing?…

SCORPIO: 52. Honoring. Value yourself and the world will do the same.
Sometimes situations arise wherein we feel compromised by others’ behavior. We don’t want to have to do the heavy lifting of self-honoring; we wish others would just know how to treat us, but only people who know how to honor their own time, value, and worth can honor us, and so it is up to us to stand up for and choose to honor our self. Maybe someone has made a mistake, gotten distracted, and you feel you have ended up with the short end of the stick in a situation…Even if it’s no one’s fault, it is still important to check in with yourself to see whether a remedy feels Right, so you don’t carry forward sticky feelings into future interactions. The appearance of this card suggests it is time to honor yourself, your feelings, and ask yourself what would make this Right…

SAGITTARIUS: 44. Acceptance. You can be okay with what you don’t like.
To the Ego mind, being essentially okay with something is the equivalent of condoning or permitting it. And in this regard, there are many things in life we don’t want to be okay with! Illness, death, suffering, heartbreak, to name a few. Yet, as a Divine Soul, you don’t have to like something to accept it. You just have to be okay with the fact that it exists. You can coexist with uncertainty, loss, pain, and change even if you don’t like experiencing them. In fact, learning to be essentially okay with aspects of other people, life in general, and even aspects of yourself that you aren’t crazy about sometimes, is the only way you will get to experience peace. The appearance of this card suggests you are caught up in a story about something you don’t like, when acceptance would bring you the peace you desire…

CAPRICORN: 8. Alignment. Clarify what feels Right and True for you.
Because you are a sensitive Soul who wants to be aligned in all areas, when even just one seemingly small aspect of your life is out of whack, it affects your inner sense of alignment. You may even feel like the story of the princess and the pea, sensitized to the point of irritation. You naturally have an exquisite sense of alignment—you know this is true because when you are in alignment, you will feel self-consistent, at peace, and in integrity with yourself. When you are not in alignment with the choices your Soul wants for you, you will feel off-center and vulnerable to myriad sticky, unwanted energies. The appearance of this card suggests you are being called to more deeply evaluate your sense of alignment…

AQUARIUS: 19. Vulnerability. Your feelings need your honesty and soothing.
Life can bring us to our knees. We all experience pain, loss. Someone doesn’t treat us in the way we want to be treated. We survive unfairness, tragedies, and trauma. All of this happens because we are human, and through absolutely no fault of our own. Some days, we just feel exceptionally vulnerable and sensitive to any and all of it, often without knowing why this particular day is any different from the one that came before it. Now is the moment to befriend your vulnerability. To befriend means “be a friend”—to you. You don’t have to be so strong all the time…

PISCES: 21. Go Inward. Pull your energy back inside yourself.
When your attention has become too focused outside of yourself, it is easy to feel tired, scattered, depleted. You also become vulnerable to picking up energies that aren’t yours. The appearance of this card suggests it is a good idea to pull your energy inward. Have you been focused on external dramas or caught up in another’s energy? Are you feeling overly saturated by external energies, and overly vulnerable to them—feel like you have no skin? You do have skin. There is a definite inside and outside, and yet for sensitives, somedays it is a challenge to feel that physically, in the body. Depending on how depleted you feel, you may need to close your physical doors, go into a room, shut the external world out. You definitely need to close your psychic doors…

*To BUY the deck, click right here.

***NOTE: I am down to a limited number of decks –with my upcoming events, I anticipate these to sell out soon. I am looking into doing a second print run but once these are gone, if it happens, it will be a number of months before they are offered again.

 

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WHAT IS MY LIFE PURPOSE?

JUPITER-SUN CAZIMI: What’s my PURPOSE? What am I here to do? And can you see that in my birth chart? At today’s conjunction of Jupiter and Sun you may be asking the Big Questions, about what you’re here for, and what it’s all about.  Given the week’s odd Mars-Venus-Pluto dynamic of powerlessness/power, and feeling out of control of so many things, it’s certainly gotten me thinking about my own sense of purpose. No one knows why we are here or what we are meant to be doing here (if they claim they do, be suspicious). Given that, your PURPOSE and MEANING can only be defined by YOU. Here’s what I do know: -We are here to FULFILL ourselves. -We do this through a variety of experiences; JOY is a major motivator for fulfillment, but also sorrow, pain and loss, too. -No two people will share the exact same Soul purpose. -And how we define our sense of purpose and meaningful life changes with our maturity, awareness and experiences. Here’s a story I’d like to share with you.  Earlier this week I “co-accidentally” (code for: hidden co-operators were definitely standing by) found this long lost photo taken 15 years ago at a Forrest Astrology apprenticeship retreat. Here’s the setup: You may recognize my younger self, along with the famed Steven Forrest, aptly a Sun-Jupiter born, who had just read my natal chart when he did something just magnificent.  He gave ME the mic. This wise and dignified man sat at my feet and listened to my story. He benevolently, because this is who he is, told me that he couldn’t wait to hear how I shared my voice with the world. He did this in front of all the aspiring astrologers. It was thrilling. EMPOWERING.(I mean, just look at that sweet face staring up at me).…and since that day, I have authored four books and a Divination card deck. I am thinking of this today because at various points we all need to have our FAITH renewed, in our selves, and perhaps humanity – also apart of today’s intentional configuration. Occasionally, we all need what Julia Cameron calls “Believing Mirrors”- people who remind you of who you are, and what you are capable of doing, even/especially when you forget that for yourself. Astrology is one way to reaffirm your sense of unique purpose. When I’m asked this question, I look at three particular points in the birth chart, while knowing a) I am only getting glimpses and hints; astrology only glimpses the unfathomable mysteries and b) I am also leaving other “players” in the chart out, players that can detract from or contribute to this ultimate aim. The Sun sign and position– your hero’s journey; the path that brings you great meaning, energy and vitality.The MidHeaven sign and Tenth House planets– your greater contribution you can give to the world, your calling.The North Node sign and House– your “north star’; when you stretch yourself to grow here, you feel joyful and on purpose. For instance: -my 9th house Sun and MidHeaven are in Cancer- I have the journey and Mission of the Healer, and healers, by nature, also need healing. -with Venus and Mercury in 10th house, I have something artistic, creative and informative to contribute to the world. -my North Node is in the sign of Capricorn in the 3rd House: being a Voice of Authority and Teacher is my joyful, growing, edge. Steven knew all of this. He knew my chart and gave me such a gift. He invited me onstage to share my healing story, in my voice. He also knew my heavy planetary “detractors” …and I believe he full well knew the gravitas and magic of what he was doing in that moment. If you are ready to have your faith reaffirmed, to believe in yourself again, to receive support and encouragement, to be reminded of who you truly are, that you can do this…Well… It’s just that kind of day. It’s a day to think about and ponder what gives you a sense of meaning, and purpose, and if you need it, what might renew your faith and encourage you along in FULFILLING YOURSELF. On that note, if you’re moved to share what brings you a sense of purpose and meaning, perhaps if only to nurture YOU, put your astrology points in the comments below …maybe we can help one another glimpse a little bit of the Mystery of Meaning and Purpose!photo credit: David Serotikin for these pics all those years ago. And, yes, I am wearing leg warmers. You are welcome.

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