Jessica Shepherd's Blog, page 12

Sagittarius New Moon: Your Guardian Angel

Every year it arrives, like clockwork. We start feeling bad. Off-center. A little more anxious. Tired. Irritable. The feeling of wanting to crawl into a hole, wait it all out.

The question can be heard far and wide: Am I getting sick? I think I’m getting sick…

Nope it’s not the flu. It’s not the name of a new band, unfortunately.

Though it is a familiar tune.

It’s the Holiday Funk.

It starts with our what we are most anticipating or dreading right now. Maybe it’s:

-Going to the grocery.

-Cooking, when we don’t like cooking.

-Eating a big meal that doesn’t make us feel very good.

-Celebrating a holiday, the origins of which we have conflicted feelings around.

-Over-extending our selves to accommodate plans and other people’s changes.

-Being around people we don’t like, but we love.

Which brings up:

-Old habits of socialized obligation and guilt.

-Old conditioning/beliefs from our family of origin we thought we had healed.

-Old habits of thought. These are the leftovers of former conditioning that we indeed HAVE healed but, because familiar traditions and people are around, re-circulate like a song we can’t get out of our heads.

A pop-up app sent me the text message: Can’t we just fast-forward to Friday (past the holidays)?

Yes, we are all feeling it. Feeling bad around the holiday season is something we can pretty much count on. You are not alone in feeling like crap. You are not alone in falling into old habits of thought. You are not alone in seeing that you still have a thimble full of old conditioning to yet address and release, which family (because they introduced it to you) brings up.

Plus, understand energy. Family members don’t just arrive with pie – they bring their own funky funk, too!

You are also not alone in feeling the collective energy around the holidays. It can feel: anxious, sad, depressed, low energy…even like you might be getting sick. So many people are conflicted around this time of year, and that’s what makes the dis-resonant energy feel so BIG.

Accepting that all of this is true can make it all okay. If we hold this broader perspective then our holiday can be meaningful – two positive Sagittarius qualities we can incorporate into holiday.

Sagittarius New Moon Intuitive Energy Practice: Your Guardian Angel

What would allow you to release what is holding you back from relaxing into, enjoying, this time? Is it a belief that things should be different? Is it a habit of overextension, fueled by obligation? These are the shadows of Sagittarius: A belief is holding us prisoner. We have habits of overextension.

Here’s a practice for that:

First, wherever you are right now… it is understandable and okay. When old familiar stuff comes up for me, when I am feeling sub-optimal and sub-par as I typically do around the holidays, I can be a little edgy or harder with myself, as though I should be better at this. Shoulds never help. The cardinal rule of healing is that it cannot occur without self-love, total non-judgment and total self-acceptance. First, offer yourself a generous helping of compassion and kindness, please.

Then ground, root and center. Take a deep breath.

I don’t have to… (_fill in the blank_)

…Be there for others who I think need me (they don’t; they need to be there for their self).

…Push past my limits.

…Ignore my boundaries.

…Listen to this person’s ego story/wounding and dump my healing energy and time into it.

…Keep responding to another’s energy instead of listening to my own.

…Do anything that feels unnatural, bad, to me.

…(Your words, here)

Which “I don’t have to…” resonates for you? Take a few minutes breathing into it, and wait for a subtle release. If beliefs and old conditioning come up that argue otherwise, breathe into that, too.

Once freed, you will likely feel a lift, that wonderful Sagittarius feeling of FREEDOM. It’s like being let out of a cage. Then, you will discover that what naturally arises is what you truly want.

I want to… (_)

I want to have a cup of tea.

I want to listen to my favorite holiday song.

I want to enjoy the cheerful feeling occurring in this particular moment.

I want to give this sad family member a hug.

I want to take a break, take some time for myself.

I want to devote myself to the seasonal traditions I love.

I want…(Your words here)

Your “have to” comes from your Ego conditioning but your “I want” arises from your Soul. It feels good. It feels right. It feels true. Which also means it is good not just for you -but everyone.

Your “I want” is free from the shackles of conditioning and belief… the kind of which can only ever keep you tethered to overriding your deeper intuition, that gem of inner listening.

Your “I want” is your guardian angel for the season. You cannot feel bad when you are in your own energy, doing and being who you want to be. It is the best holiday immunity- protecting you against real (colds, illness) and perceived contagions. When you are in your “I want” you have the greatest protective force possible, the power of aligning with your Divinity, your most authentic self!

 

 

 

 

Taurus Full Moon: Subtle Guidance

Intuition is so subtle. Spirit guidance arises in subtle, small, quiet moments.

Yet we pay attention to drama, the loud kids in the room. We give our full attention to THE noise.

You know the NOISE, right? It is here, there and everywhere all the time. 24/7.

Obviously, we do often need certain loud information from our environment. But it’s also why we easily miss what our intuitive senses are guiding us toward…and away from.

Your Soul’s guidance is not dramatic. It will not be dramatic, even when life is.

It is sitting there, doing its nails, waiting for your presence. It has all day, year, lifetime, really, to deliver the message that you might actually enjoy doing that thing you really want to do, but are resistant to doing for some reason.

Always, simply, just that one awareness.

It rarely hits you like a ton of bricks.  It’s more like a feather landing.

A felt experience of yes. Or NOOOOoooo.

But will you get underneath the noise and listen? Will you follow through?

It’s easy to think Spirit only delivers guidance with fireworks. I feel this from clients when I suggest a simple solution, or a practical way to address their issue. It isn’t grand enough. Or I tell them something they already know, so they think it must not be valuable. I can feel their Ego want to write it off, if not actually write it off altogether… because the Ego is used to drama and complexity. Because we are not used to valuing the quiet whispers of the Soul over the dramatic gestures of Ego.

The spiritual life isn’t dramatic at all. It is the opposite. The biggest shifts we can make are the simple, easy ones. And so, if we want to get better at understanding when we are being intuitively guided, we need to get quiet enough to hear a pin drop.

When it comes to intuition, tuning into those subtle signals is where it all begins. That’s how guidance really starts to show up and guide us in concrete ways.

Taurus Full Moon Energy Practice: The Subtle Body

When BIG is the currency of the world, when the world is pushing our buttons to elicit strong emotions like adrenaline and desire, “freaking out” or “spiraling” is the way Ego learns to get our attention. BIG, LOUD, COMPLEX… is an emotional habit. Yet it’s just a habit. One we can change.

Scorpio Sun season is known for delivering drama, complexity, depth to our experience. Taurus Full Moon reminds us to be far more practical, simple about everything. Slow down. Listen to the body. Maybe let go of all that complexity, just for today. Embrace ease & simplicity.

Neptune in Pisces is sextile this Moon, perfect for strengthening your subtle intuition.

First, start with noticing the subtleties occurring in your physical body.

For instance, the tension in your back. Your energy moving a little faster than normal. Discomfort. Or anxiety, which can feel quite big – but is actually a message (see below).

Second, ask: What would it feel like to slow down my energy body? Or: Is it safe to relax? Simply wait a minute (usually less). Allow your energy body to answer.

This is experienced as a subtle sense of warmth and relief around the belly or heart.

Important: Go for subtle calm, not big calm. Train yourself to notice the very subtle shifts of energy.

Third, ask: What does my Soul want me to know right now?  

Key to this is trusting that you’ve really got this. Trust that your Soul wants to reveal the answer to you. Trust that you already know the answer. The answer is likely very simple, like “I want to take a bath.” Or “I don’t want to be doing this anymore.” In fact, I find most of the anxiety/fear I experience nowadays is because I’m doing something that I don’t want to be doing – or I’m not doing something I want to do – which creates dis-resonance in my subtle energy body.

Your guidance may be literally jumping up out of your chair right now, and actually doing that thing your Soul really wants to be doing. It’s not always a thought form.

Your guidance may arrive a few hours later, in a dream or a conversation. Because – you asked.

Sad, true story: People periodically tell me that they feel they’ve lost touch with their own guidance. I don’t believe it. They are simply distracted from their deeper connection. And they don’t value it!

It does take commitment to turn inward, to ask: How am I feeling when I watch this movie? When I’m with this person? When I think this thought? When I consider this creative idea?

It takes commitment to get quiet, listen inward and reflect, instead of distract and escape.

(It certainly doesn’t require a class or PhD in intuitive studies, as those same folks will tell me.)

Guidance is learning to follow through on those thoughts, images and impulses you are receiving all the time – and truly valuing them as the worthy and awesome spiritual guidance it is!

Scorpio New Moon Q&A: “What’s Up with the Planets?”

“There must be something planetary happening right now?” came the text message from a friend who also described people as coming unhinged and life as being just generally hard.

Then, I received a similar inquiry in an email to my social media inbox.

They wanted me to explain the astrology. No, it’s not eclipse season, yet. Mercury will retrograde in Scorpio soon (10/31). The Libra planets had been interacting with the Nodes all month…Sun in Scorpio, now, you know what that means. Pluto-Saturn conjunction in Capricorn in January! And…blah, blah, blah. I generally get bored reciting these type things in this way.

That’s not what I heard being asked, anyhow. They wanted the big picture. How to handle the amazing amount of shifts continually going down. Because it’s not just about “Mercury retrograde” or “eclipse season” anymore. It’s constant.

Okay, I thought. Let’s talk about what’s ACTUALLY happening in our lives. 

I said: Sure, of course, something planetary is always happening, which astrology can describe to a degree, but cannot entirely capture. Essentially, the planet is undergoing massive changes and we all feel it. The intensity is not going to stop, so we need to learn to use the energy.

Thus, I decided to do a brief Q&A write-up for you, at this New Moon lunation, to share my perspective about what is happening energetically on the planet, how it’s affecting each of us, and some ideas about astrology’s role, too!  To continue with the first question…

Things have been growing increasingly intense for many years now. This is felt as intermittent intensity for some people, and nearly constant pressure for others. We get short reprieves to integrate and adjust to the energy. There are some ebbs and flows. Yet even though it ebbs and flows, it has become pretty constant, this dynamic of consistently moving towards deep, transformative change -AND- ideally a greater degree of unfolding into authentic relationship with our Self, which is mirrored in each person’s life. Each person will handle and respond to the discomfort and intensity differently. One person may respond to the ongoing discomfort by going more deeply into their wounded-ness or feelings of victimization. Another will use the same energy to awaken, to finally make huge life choices and shifts. We all have a choice as to how we use these energies. However, the reality is that we are all feeling it, in shocks, waves, ebbs and flows of (planetary) highly stimulating energy.

Q: What is the relationship between what’s going on with the planets, and my life?

As above, so below. Most agree that things need to shift into a new structural alignment.

Alignment is HUGE for all of us.

If you are out of alignment in any area of your life, this will grow increasingly stronger (usually felt as intense anxiety, panic, survival-type feelings) until you address it. If you’ve been avoiding a life decision, or not honestly facing an issue, that is what is throwing everything out of whack.

Scale/size doesn’t matter. This could be needing to take more time off from work, create more balance in our personal life, draw a boundary with a friend, or needing to move or leave a partner. Even a grain of sand in our shoe can feel like a boulder if we are not addressing it.

All it takes is one or two mis-alignments to throw your entire life out of balance. For instance, when all the big questions come at once, and you can’t sort out which one thing is causing the problem/issue, it’s probably not everything. You get confused: Do I need to move? Or, do I leave my partner? Or, do I get a new job? All new career? Maybe it’s time to retire? Truly, the one or two things you aren’t facing affects everything.  Start to work with addressing that one (or few) thing(s).

Q: If we are in this time of increased intensity and it is going to continue, what can we do?

Since being out of alignment causes us to feel energetically unstable, anxious and panick-y, we also need to help our self to calm down, stop being reactive, stop seeing potential threats and problems everywhere. Maybe that means doubling down on our spiritual practice, or on self-care. Or choosing to connect inward and listen to what our Soul is saying, instead of turning to information sources and the internet, which consistently seems to push the collective panic button. Prioritizing joy, and what makes us feel light and good in our bodies and spirits, is a must. Definitely, the foundation of all of this is addressing any real source of mis-alignment in our personal lives.

Survival fears are high much of the time now. This is something I didn’t used to feel. Generally speaking, people feel more afraid and powerless to their circumstances.

Yet people can make new decisions. We do it all the time. My teacher once told me that the human Ego is so good at staying alive that it will saw off its own arm if it needs to. We are capably equipped to self-rescue. We can get out of situations that are perilous for our Soul. We can change our circumstances, if we really want to (I remind myself of that when someone I care about is doing things in their life that perpetuate suffering). It’s only our minds that create stories otherwise.

I focus on helping people to simply ground, and really take back their focus from external energies and untrue mental stories. I say “I help people to…” but honestly this is the crux of the inner work I do for myself all the time. I think the single most empowering decision any of us can do is to remember: At the end of the day we get to decide who we are, what we are about, and what we want to feel. No external circumstance gets to choose those things for us.

Q: How can astrology help?

For me, astrology is only helpful when I am fully present to what it is I’m feeling, and likewise, to the energies of the other person I’m with. If talking about some astrology could be helpful for you, in that moment, if I am tuned in and present, I will know it. A description of a Uranus transit at the right moment can be a godsend, helping us to connect and say “yes, this is where I am on the map right now, this is what I’m working with. ” For instance, today, Mars crossed my Ascendant: I saw a wild boar on my hike, I got all fired up at a tourist who put his life in peril while trying to pick a fruit on the edge of a mountain, and I felt angry for a friend I care for and whom I miss…and I felt so relieved (and so fortunate!) to be able to know that this energy, which is about encountering courage and feeling my anger, independence and heat, was surfacing for me to consciously work with.

But when astrology allows us to dissociate from our deeper experience, it is not helpful. If we say things like “I’m a Scorpio” as an excuse as to why we won’t change, we view astrology as deterministic, not as living energies that evolve as we do. Not to mention, all the doomsday type planetary thinking that we can get into, if we so allow it… Astrology can be incredibly validating; astrology can be distracting. It is not always the thing that most wants to be discussed.

To get through this next decade or two, I suggest using astrology as one tool of many that you have access to. Personally, I also like listening to intuitive energy channels like Lee Miller, as well as working with my own teacher – without mistaking them for my Source. No other person has the answers, but me. When there’s a lot of disempowered energy floating around, it’s important to be clear about not giving our power away to external sources.

Generally speaking, often when we go looking for external help, we are already somewhat un-centered, looking for something to take a discomfort away. Be much lighter about it. Tools like astrology, channeling, teachers, tarot are only used in service of easing my self into greater alignment and integration with my Soul. I’ll hear that one phrase, receive that one teaching or word I need. I throw out the rest. It is easy to take on untrue crap you don’t need.

When I listen to my Soul and hear that inner voice that is telling me what my Soul most needs and wants in this moment…this is always my deepest wish, and my saving grace. This is the cushion that will make any hard landing I experience in life so much softer. And if I am that integrated, that able to flow with my Soul, it might just feel like a bounce! I’ve had that experience. Some of the biggest, most difficult seeming shifts can feel surprisingly easy and light.

In a nutshell, we are in a great period of change and adaptation. That’s why everything feels so BIG. None of us knows where this change is headed, but every single day we cast our vote in any given direction through our choices: how we treat our self and others, how we spend our time and attention, what we value, what we honestly look at in our life -or what we avoid looking at.

Our relationship to our innermost self has the biggest vote in how it all turns out for us!!!

Aries Full Moon: Let It Rip

I found myself, recently, in an uncomfortable and prolonged state of hyper-vigilance. I could feel the way my body wouldn’t allow myself to fully relax. The tension behind my heart, and in my shoulders, as if bolstering myself, readying myself, for the next fresh hell to appear, the next tiger or bear to attack.

It was the compounded stress of many challenging situations in which I had to be the leader, figure things out, make hard decisions and process many emotions and energies –and because I’m empathic, many of these energies were not my own. I was doing double, triple, quadruple duty.

Also, being an empath, my fight-flight-freeze is regularly stimulated when I feel dis-resonant energy. One of the practices I’ve had to learn is to override the Ego’s interpretation of “danger, run for your life!” and recognize that what I am experiencing as simply a signal of dis-resonant energy around me.

I was doing all this, while holding it all together.  

Being the strong, capable warrior Goddess that I am. 

Then, as my motley crew of Pluto, Saturn and Chiron transits would have it, I was pushed too far. Just as I had finished working through one challenge, yet another arose, like a triple headed hydra.

Underneath all that hyper-arousal, I was getting pretty pissed off.

Really angry, in fact.

I went inward. Had a good (imaginary) yell. Felt rage. Worked with it.

It wasn’t shifting. I went a little deeper. I felt a screaming banshee. Saw a woman at a wailing wall. Primal screams. Oh. This was bigger than I thought.

It was not enough to simply acknowledge and sit with it. You can’t talk yourself (mentally) out of the (body’s) physiological and chemical need to release anger, trauma. The amygdala, where fight or flight is stimulated, is pre-verbal. The feeling arises before the signal reaches the frontal cortex, which is why, when you reach a critical chemical threshold you can’t think clearly.

I wasn’t thinking clearly; I couldn’t think my way through this.

You aren’t supposed to think clearly. Just act. Release. Yell. Punch. Shake. Hit. Get the energy out.

I needed to let it out, to allow my parasympathetic nervous system to return to that calm, relaxed, fully embodied state. And to give the hyper-alert Aries Moon warrior inside, a rest.

Aries Full Moon Intuitive Energy Practice: Let It Rip

This particular Full Moon, square Pluto and Saturn, brings up accumulated traumas and stressors for release. Whereas intellectual Libra Sun tries to find a middle, peaceful ground amidst all the stressors and hardship, Aries Moon turns up the visceral heat. If you are having a Pluto-Saturn transit, you likely feel “enough is enough,” and this dynamic cardinal T-square is very capable of shifting the energy for you. This Full Moon can be the release valve you need, to let it all go.

Why try it? 

Life is long. Things pile up. Traumas accumulate over time. There are big “T” traumas- life events that anyone would define as traumatic (divorce, illness, death) – and the little “t” traumas like dealing with ongoing pressure in a relationship, home or work situation. Prolonged traumatic stress is a reality for many. The bio-chemical reality is that we need to physically release it to be fully free. Or we walk through life as a traumatized warrior, with too many free-floating stress chemicals.

The practice: Choose a safe space that will give you privacy to yell, scream and do whatever your energy body needs to let it out. Your car. Your house, when no one else is home.

If you have pets, be sure to put them in another room (I can’t bear to see their concern for me!).

Then… let it rip. Scream into pillows. Hit. Yell. Allow yourself to feel physically big as you do this. Maybe you need to swing a baseball bat in the backyard or just throw your whole body into a punch. I’ve found this is important, as a woman: to feel I can be large, take up bodily space, as I do this.

You might want to “shake”- this is a popular Trauma Release Exercise. (linked) It works.

You might just need to yell “Fuck” over and over and over.

Don’t think too much about it. Don’t feed the energy with story. Allow what comes up, to come up.

If you believe you’re not supposed to have or express this kind of rage or anger, acknowledge it. This is totally common, especially for women. (I remember once posting a picture from this video of bad-ass Beyonce letting it rip, and receiving harsh feedback from a male reader, essentially saying he didn’t find female anger feminine or attractive. Hmmmm. Threatened much? )

Afterwards, allow yourself to lay down for at least five minutes, again, so you can give your Ego plenty of time to recognize that you are now safe, calmed, and you’ve taken care of yourself. Feel the calming cascades of energy restore your parasympathetic nervous system.

Finally, I find that it helps to do something totally different after I’m done with a session, so the energy can fully dissipate. Like, go for a swim or watch a movie. Otherwise, the temptation to mentally analyze what just happened can pop you right back into that energy (till it totally clears).

It really is remarkable, if you allow your self to release all that stored up tension, how different you feel afterwards. The calm and energetic integrity you achieve is so restorative… and incentivizing for doing release work regularly. Especially if you are under this pressurized Saturn-Pluto transit, you need release valves. I’m now scheduling regular sessions for myself, with myself, as a precaution.

Squares bring the opportunity to shift energy. We are in an astrological period where it’s practically impossible to not feel and honestly face any tension that has built-up in our lives. Use the squares of this dynamic Full Moon to restore your balance — give yourself the release you need!

 

 

 

Libra New Moon: Who Doesn’t Feel Good?

This is an uncomfortable and very personal post for me to write.

What had started out feeling good no longer did. So, I did the hard but right thing. I decided to take space from the relationship. To adjust the situation, take care of me, instead of adjusting myself.

My Ego protested. But I love this friend! Isn’t there another way?!

My Soul replied, This isn’t about love. This is about honoring what I feel is in alignment.

My Ego kept arguing with me. For days, weeks.

This was truly a no-win situation. On one hand, I could stay in the relationship and feel badly. On the other, I could leave the relationship and feel bad, but in alignment with me.

I did the hard, but right thing. It felt awful (the other option felt worse).

I felt their feelings of rejection, confusion, sadness. I felt real feelings of sadness of my own.

And all the while, I remind myself I am doing the Right thing.

It has been so damn uncomfortable.

I’ve done this before; doing the Right thing doesn’t get easier.

(Though recognizing what is and isn’t resonant for me, does.)

It may cost me a relationship.  It’s not up to me, really. I decide what feels ok and good for me. To a degree, the rest is up to the other person, what they decide to do next.

This is the initiative required of us, at times. To make these type of hard calls based on what we need. Leadership doesn’t necessarily look like honestly telling someone what their issues is/are. Often that’s a great way to become even more involved or entrenched in the dynamic the other person is working through- potentially the opposite of what you want.

The other alternative is to accept it all. Let the other person have their experience, work it out. Don’t judge. But be honest enough to let them know that you need to take care of yourself.

My job isn’t to heal my relationships. My job is to be present to what I feel and what I need.

What I need is to protect my inner circle. To keep it a clear space where I can be my authentic self.

Intuitive Energy Practice: Who Doesn’t Feel Good?

Your intimate inner circle is your sanctuary, and needs to be honored as a sacred and clear space. It is the place you can reliably breathe clean air, where you recharge and recoup your energy with loved ones whose energy resonates with yours – that is, who reliably leave you feeling joyful, good.

Don’t underestimate the power of having a clear and good-feeling inner circle — and likewise the imbalance not feeling that way wreaks. We may ably tolerate all kinds of energies from, say, our workplace cohorts, but our close primary relationships must be kept sacred, light, pristine and clear.

Libra New Moon is a time of rebalancing ourselves in relationship, and relationship practices, that feel good, true, right. Since Venus, planet of equality, balance, relationship, is square Pluto, Lord of core wounding, honesty, transformation/death, victim/empowerment we need to explore our relationships with a greater degree of honesty than we might first think.

-Is your “support” enabling them to stay in their wound?

-With them, are you acting out your core wound?

-Do you feel you cannot be totally truthful or authentic?

–Do you leave your interactions feeling bad more often than good?

It’s not uncommon, if you have someone who is dis-resonant in your inner circle, to feel quite badly for days – or even weeks, depending- after an interaction with that person.

Energy sensitives, especially, need to listen to and honor how we feel. It’s always information.

It’s not a comfortable or easy decision, taking space from or ending a relationship. In fact, many people stay in or tolerate dis-resonant relationships, and feel worse for it, for that reason.

Yet by doing this you set up an energy pattern. It’s as if God/Goddess goes, Oh, you can settle for feeling mildly crappy instead of giddy and good, huh? I will send you more of the same.

Value yourself. You deserve to feel amazing and joyful and awesome and honored.

Now, in a spirit of gratitude, honor and reverence for everyone who has ever touched your life and heart, ground, root, center and ask your energy body: Who doesn’t feel good to me right now?

This question may reveal a client, friend, partner, your hairdresser…anyone really.

Maybe they used to feel good but they don’t any longer. That’s okay. This is neutral information.

No one wakes up one day and just decides that a relationship isn’t feeling joyful or aligned anymore. It just happens; it’s not your fault. But you are responsible for listening to what you feel.

Sit quietly with what you receive. Is this something you can resolve? Or have you tried already?

You have permission to gracefully take space from the relationship. Remember, guilt, loyalty, sacrifice are not good motivations for staying in any relationship. You don’t have to sacrifice your own happiness for another’s (and that’s impossible anyhow -it doesn’t work).

And if you got this far, but the thought of communicating this really freaks you out…

Communicating the above to another in a compassionate, human, way is delicate. If you’ve been following this blog, you’ll know that in recent years my relationships have required more authenticity from me than ever, and truly the communication piece has been the hardest for me. I could write a chapter on this art form. In a nutshell, I always pray/ask for my Ego to step aside and the Goddess to move through me. I keep it very brief. I don’t elaborate. I don’t caretake their feelings, even though that is difficult and I never want to hurt another’s feelings! Even when I have felt my clearest and most centered in communicating, sometimes they get hurt/upset anyways.

Yet, as I’ve given myself permission to no longer take care of others’ feelings, and be even more deeply honest about my inner experience, I’ve become empowered in ways I’ve never before been. Putting myself, my authentic needs, first, being the most empowering one of all.

Libra New Moon teaches that the path toward honoring others is honoring our self, first. If a relationship feels consistently out of alignment, maintaining it will further that misalignment.

Your choices determine your experience of relationship. You are the one who gets to decide what you are willing to tolerate, and that sets the precedent for how you are treated by others. Even if it’s temporarily difficult, and the opposite of joyful, nothing is more empowering than choosing what ultimately feels Good, Right and Joyful for you.

Pisces Full Moon: Clearing

I was sitting down to a breakfast I’ve had for 15 years due to dietary limitations. The almond butter was arguing with me. It had been itching my throat lately, so I got the peanut butter and cashew butter out of the pantry. No, no, and no. Dry mock “toast” for me. I burst into tears.

I’ve been doing this discipline for almost twenty years, years of cooking and choosing what is good for this body instead of what is yummy, or what is on offer. Retraining my pallet, doing the hard work of unplugging from cultural conditioning of food as pleasure. I had achieved mastery, not even thinking about it anymore. Until this year, when I thought I was miraculously healed, symptom- free. I could enjoy pineapples, champagne, even occasional bread without ill effect. Until all at once, dramatically, I could not. No room for mistaking it.

Okay. No big deal, I’d done this before. But, then, it was.

The feelings came. First a dullness, a cloud hanging over me. Grief, maybe. Anger, not mine. Sadness. And they kept coming… Leading me back to childhood. My mother’s, grandmother’s food issues, food as control, as a way of coping with unhappiness. Memories, ancestral impressions surfaced…stories I know to be true, not because I was told them but because I can travel to any point in time, feel the energies of what occurred, feel their truths in deeper layers of my energy body.

It felt bottomless. Every attempt to tidy up a process with a resolution felt… never quite there yet.  It wasn’t about me, not any longer. Not my inner child. Bigger than me, more layers than I could consciously articulate. Waves of feeling, they just kept coming.

I looked at myself in the mirror, heard my grandmother’s exasperated turn of phrase (which made me smile), “Gravy! Why this? Why now?”

Indeed. I was doing so good! I was feeling so clear! Silence. Crickets. All I heard: Feel. My energy body has witnessed many energies in my 46 years, some of which I did not have the capacity to process, then. Well, I guess this is on the agenda for this week: Feeling it all.

In the event of huge swells, all we can do is set the intention to allow what we feel to move through us. An almost reverent level of presence is paramount. To oneself, to exquisite levels of self-care, and to the energy itself, allowing it to be without changing anything at all. Allowing it to show us what it is – as baffling as it is to our mental faculties.

This is what “energetic clearing” is.

You feel.  What is ready to be released.

What has been taking too much of your oxygen, obscuring your light, weighing you down.

Without judgment, without shaming, without thinking anything is wrong with you. Without interference of too much interpretation.

The world may call it: “feeling too much”, “crazy”, “wallowing”. My Cancer South Node (conjunct my Sun) has heard it all!

It’s not that. It’s energetic clearing.

It may be uncomfortable, confusing, even scary sometimes. But it’s not that.

It is a Divine unfolding, sloughing of what is not eternal but is also real.

For many of us, it is an ongoing process that repeats, by lesser and greater degree, throughout life. One that cannot be separated from who we are, how we are built. Who knows if we will ever reach the core? We just keep peeling.

It desires your presence. You as sacred witness. You as unconditional LOVE. To the abandonment, grief, sadness, the misperception of Light… your own, another’s, perhaps an ancestor that you never knew.

To whatever wants to come through, you are the vessel. You are the capable, blessed container.

Eventually, because you do this work, because you have committed to feel, to be present, and to heal… you know you will become lighter than you’ve been in a long, long while — since perhaps, when you were a child. But the light doesn’t come right away.

For now, you feel it all.

Allow. Accept. Feel. Acknowledge. Hold space. Love.

Let it move through you. For as long as it takes.

And… in a world that wants a logical explanation for everything, and likewise, does not want to take the time to feel or be present, you may be hard pressed to find examples of, and support for, this sacred feminine work.

So let me support you in this. I am here, with you. Holding space.

Pisces Full Moon Energy Practice: Holding Space

Pisces Full Moon is big energy. Jupiter in Sag squares this Moon, Neptune conjuncts, and Pluto trine. The energy feels both as wobbly and bubbly as a child’s bouncy house, and as sacred as light streaming through cathedral glass. Paradox is in the air, catch-22’s that baffle you. As are mysteries and secrets from long ago. Both are often revealed under Pisces Full Moons. You can discover wrinkles in time.

Don’t try and understand everything you feel or experience. Big energies do not need our words, or total understanding. Only our presence. Our witnessing. Virgo energies will try and figure things out, find solutions, fix, resolve, analyze. Just let go of all that, for now.

In spiritual work, less is often so. much. more.

The most powerfully healing thing we can do right now is to hold space for what is here. Without trying to find any resolution at all.

Here’s the practice: ground, root and center. If your head is “swirly”, you are in your head, you are not grounded, so be sure and spend a little time connecting with the earth and your energy body.

Be present. To what comes through. First, perhaps a sob, or a squeezed heart, or an icy chill, or a barely perceptible rage… Investigate it even more deeply. With curiosity and tenderness. With gentleness and relaxed inquiry. The layers are gently peeled, felt.

Set the intention to allow whatever comes up to come without judgment.

No one gets to have an opinion or weigh in about who you are, how you feel, or what your feelings might say about you… but you.

(take back your power, if you need. You deserve this)

Ask that what arises to return to Source/Spirit. Allow it to happen in its own time. It may take seconds, minutes, days. You’ll know when you feel your energy body shift, when more light is moving through you.

An unexpected moment of magic from a stranger: I was at my new gynecologist’s office. When she shared that she had just had breast cancer, both breasts removed, I broke down and shared, too. Eyes full of compassion she exclaimed, “Gosh no almond butter? Of all things. Unfair!”

I instantly love her. This is holding space.

This is Goddess energy. Acceptance. Allowance. Compassion. No judgment.

So incredibly liberating. This witnessing, this permission to BE.

In my experience, energy fully felt will set us free – as long as we hold our feelings with total and complete unconditional acceptance. The world becomes a bit brighter. Our energy body feels lighter. We have cleared space for more of our natural light to come through.

Pisces Moon invokes this facet of Goddess energy. Give yourself permission. To feel. To be present. To acknowledge and allow what is. Be gentle with you. There is no getting it wrong. You are eternal.

Virgo New Moon: I’m Okay

I was at a beach in Kauai, topaz blue waves gently lapping, when I overheard a conversation between the two women next to me. “I’ve been so screwed up…something something… Mercury retrograde…something something…I just can’t figure things out,” said the younger woman, festive earrings dangling from her pretty but pinched face. Like a mantra, her energy said: I’m not okay. I’m not okay.

The next morning outside a coffee house, different people, similar conversation. “How are you?” asked a concerned looking friend of the waitress. “I’m really struggling…something something…having trouble adjusting.” The older person offered a healing or therapy session. There it is again, I thought. I’m not okay.

Lately I’d noticed how the message “I’m not okay” had been affecting me, which is probably why the energy of these particular people caught my attention. A visitor had come to town, someone I care about, and I observed how I felt in her presence. On paper everything was was beautiful, life was abundant. There was no real emergency. So why was I feeling like there was? Because of the energy she emanated: things are not okay. This created a sort of energetic drama, a swirl of emotional intensity and irritation surrounding even mundane interactions.

I had noticed what was happening inside me. The moment I believe that someone is not okay, I’m buying into the story that they’re not, and then it’s easy to lose my center. Which isn’t helpful to them, or to me.

So I had been working on a practice, grounding into “I’m okay.” Because I am okay, and so are you. Truly.

Here’s the practice: ground, root, center and drop into your belly. Sit with whatever sensation you have, no matter how uncomfortable, without analyzing it. It might be physical pain, stress, life. Now ask the question Am I okay? and wait for the answer energetically. Don’t force it. Allow it to arise, from your Soul. (hint: there is one true answer, and if you’re receiving otherwise, it’s your mind telling a story). It’s subtle at first, and takes a little practice, but when I gently ask the question, a calm billowy energy arises and continues to expand. Sit with that a few minutes, to anchor into it.

This practice can quickly return you to sanity. Have you ever felt your emotional and mental energy build like a balloon and expand into spin out? One minute you’re in your mind, the next you’re feeling anxious and unsafe? “I’m not okay” was at its core.  When my energy drifts into wobbly territory, I do this practice, remember I’m okay, and I’m good again.

To be clear, feeling “not okay” is not the same as being not okay.  Most of the time when we tell our selves we’re not okay, it’s untrue. My husband recently got stuck in a coral reef nicknamed “the garden” because surfers get stranded on their boards and the only way they can paddle out is by waiting for the tide to slowly push them out — like being stuck on top of a coral garden. He told me that a surfer became stranded today, which is apparently common, but it was serious this time. Friends yelled from a few hundred yards away, “are you okay?” He said he wasn’t. An ambulance was called, he ended up needing stitches. His life was at risk. That’s “I’m not okay”.

Virgo season can amp up anxiety and habits of mentally analyzing things over and over in our minds. It is easy to convince our selves we, or others, are not okay, and let that small thought throw us off center. Yet be truly helpful toward others, and especially toward our self, we need to hold a larger perspective. To see our self and others as already whole and perfect is the most healing perspective we can hold. It is simply a decision we make. To decide, there is nothing wrong with them, even when they think there is, and here is nothing wrong with us, even when we think there is!

Feel how that feels in your body. Feel the Yes!!! in this, the rightness of it, the faith in the perfection of life and in YOU.

This is how we heal. This is how we move forward in times of uncertainty with utmost ease and grace. This is how we really know and begin to trust, in our energy body, that there are no wrong decisions, no mistakes we can make, ever, and that no passing emotion, stress, or limitation changes the truth of who we are. We decide to see our self primarily as whole, first and foremost. Everything else is just life moving through us. Conditions that constantly change.

This doesn’t mean we don’t feel things that are adverse – and sometimes our physiological response to pain is accurate in its assessment. When we are in physical pain, the mind will tell us we are not okay in order to get out of it. It will analyze and look for ways of fixing the situation. That’s a hardwired response we sometimes have to try and override.

But no matter what is happening…we are essentially okay. If I have a headache or another pain, I’m okay. If I’ve got some issues to deal with, I’m okay. If life has surprised me and I’m working on adjusting to the changes, I’m still okay.

On an energetic level the moment I don’t think I’m okay, I’m not. The moment I decide I’m okay, I am.  This is not an affirmation, not something you repeat to yourself in your head to try to convince yourself. It is not a denial of the reality that you, too, have struggles and things you’d like to be different. It is choosing to have an energetic experience, of the perfection of one’s True Self, and your faith in life’s ability to hold you through it all. And that makes all the difference.

 

Aquarius Full Moon: What If?

I’m so great at anticipating, I told the nurse who was about to jab me with a needle, that if there were an award for the skill of anticipation, I’d have it. In fact, I’d worked myself up into such a state of feverish anticipation over the prospect of seeing my own blood and the possibility of passing out (it’s happened before), that I actually gave myself a slight fever.

I’m an amazing manifester.

Anticipating, creating emotional expectation and excitation about the future, is central to manifesting. Using the energy of excitement, you can create a story about what you most want to happen, anticipating an outcome that- through focused energy, inner alignment, law of attraction and Grace- happens. So, yes, I’m amazing at anticipating/manifesting. I may have even reached a point where I have nothing left I want to manifest -other than enlightenment!

Yet as my own humbling example illustrates, much of the time we use our minds to make fearful and negative predictions about the future, or our self. Or, if not fearful and negative, wishy-washy, dubious, doubtful, worried and muddled states of consciousness that crease unease and stuck-ness.

It’s not our fault. Neuroscience says we have a natural negativity bias oriented toward keeping us constantly looking for problems and threats. We are so used to thinking in terms of problems that we even tend to overlook positive experiences and place much greater emphasis on negative ones. Learning to overcome negativity bias hardwiring is part of being human.

I experience this myself, and I encounter this with clients. In the middle of an uplifting and momentous life change that will require incredible courage to simply begin, a client will ask me, “Okay that all sounds great- but tell me about the challenges?” Or, “Tell me about my shadow…” (ironically, often when I’ve been speaking to the shadow all along).

How does looking for a problem ever help? When a real problem arrives, it readily announces itself: House on fire. Job terminated. Then, the next steps are obvious ones. Most “problems” aren’t real. They are passing energies, and false perceptions. The truth of problems is that you will always find a problem if you go and look for one.

Yet if you’ve experienced trauma, or even a long stretch of difficulty, you’ve gathered enough past evidence to anticipate and predict, look for problems. When the house is no longer on fire, how do we leave the trauma and drama behind? We must mentally re-train our mind to stop looking for problems, and instead really sink into and absorb the good. To spend more time in THAT energy. Not in a naïve positive thinking way, but in a let’s-get-back-to-the-truth-of-who-we-are way.

A friend recently sent me an email that closed with, “You are a good person, Jessica. I hope you know that.” Perhaps because I’d been thinking about the negativity bias of my own mind, I took a few minutes to let the truth, that I am a good person, really wash over me. I steeped in this truth, like a good tea that I wanted to make stronger inside me. This fact of being a good person was more truthful and more essential than my temporary drama of the moment.

A few days later, watching this video (linked) my perception was reinforced. By absorbing, steeping in, and focusing on a positive experience I was creating new neural pathways. Pathways that would help me anticipate even more good, and these pathways would help me be more flexible and centered when I encountered real problems.

Many of us are working on evolving toward a better, more content, easeful state of being. We can use our ability to anticipate/manifest a future, one in alignment with what we truly want, by asking different questions.

Leo-Aquarius Full Moon Intuitive Energy Practice: What If?

Remember, as a kid, when the world was pure possibility and potential? What if I combined yellow and blue? What if I move to Australia? What if I become a ballerina? Leo. Leo is the Divine Child in all of us who remembers the pristine state of Light that we are. Light can do and be anything. It is everywhere, and nowhere. It is creative potential itself.

Then we “grow up” and our “what if?” takes on a different tone and energy. “What if I could do or be anything I want …?” becomes “What if… (insert complex disaster scenario based on all of my negative past experiences and my unexamined beliefs and conditioning, here)? The mind might be the only obstacle to having the life we desire and deserve.

One powerful way I’ve learned to break up my mind’s negativity bias is by intuitively playing with “what if?” I do this with clients, too. Here’s an example. My client is being bullied at work and thinks she has boundary issues. I ask, “What if the problem isn’t boundaries, but that you are in the wrong place, and with the wrong people, for your gifts to express and they sense that?” She says, you make it (this complex problem) sound so easy. “What if it is that easy?”

Then I pause for some seconds to let it sink in. This pausing, and allowing the Ego to connect with Truth, is key.

Insert “mind-blown” emoji here. I could feel her neural circuitry being challenged in a positive way.

Meeting your “what if?” with more curiosity can transform everything that you thought was true… into Truth.

The practice: In a calm state, think of a future something that fills you with a sort of anticipatory dread. Notice your “what ifs?” – the story you’re attaching to the neutral physiological energy of excitement, how you’re using it to predict a future.

Now, change the energy of the question (or change a statement to a question). An idea that “this will never work” or “what if it doesn’t work out?” becomes “what if this actually works?”

What if it’s so hard? … What if it’s surprisingly easy?

What if I don’t have a good time?… What if I have an amazing time?

What if I get sick on my vacation? …What if I’m still good – no matter what happens?

Allow the energy of the new “what if?” to drop into your belly and energy body. Remember, this isn’t a mental exercise, it is an energy practice. You want to feel that energy of anticipatory dread shift into the anticipatory energy of openness to another possibility. Wait for it to shift. Invite it to happen. Don’t push yourself into believing anything you don’t want to believe. Just be open and curious, allowing yourself to be shown whether this other “what if?” could be as true or truer.

Then, with practice, you can take it to the next level.

What if this relationship doesn’t work out?… What if I’m amazing and awesome as I am?

What if the next shoe is about to drop? … What if no shoes drop, only more chocolate comes my way?

What if I never heal this thing I’ve tried my whole life to heal?… What if there’s nothing wrong with me, and never was, and all I need to do is bask in the glorious light of my whole and complete perfection?

What if that person is a better healer than me?…What if I am the powerful healer?

Really, you can “what if?” anything in yourself right back into alignment with Truth.

This is so much more effective than using affirmations. The curious nature of a question will always invite you to feel into your personal connection to Truth by asking whether it is true for you, or by asking whether it might/could be true?… while affirmations/statements require only your compliance, which can sometimes feel rigid and untrue.

Aquarius is the archetype of innovation, of using our mental intelligence, our brilliance, to have a better future. It’s time to use the energy and excitement of anticipation, of “what if?” to play with the possibility of living at your highest vibration. What if it were possible? What if you can have everything you’d ever dreamt of having? If you are able to anticipate the worst, take it from me, you are fully and capably equipped to anticipate – and manifest- the most amazing outcomes you can imagine for yourself. You can use the energy and excitement of anticipation to either experience dread -or- all kinds of wonder and possibility.

Leo New Moon: You Do You

When I saw, on social media, that the founder of a magazine that consistently rejected my work had died, I felt that old feeling of rejection rise up again. It brought up another more recent interaction, too, when, on the cusp of being super jazzed about being able to apply my creative gifts to songwriting, my guitar teacher told me that my writing confused her, then proceeded to deliver a lecture called “you need to learn how to write so others can understand it”.

My jaw dropped. I felt like laughing hysterically at the ridiculousness of her statement. I also felt incredulous, angry, outraged, flabbergasted. I wanted to scream, “I’ve got a starred review from Publisher’s Weekly!!! Have you ever even written anything others want to read?!” But the feeling that persistently stuck around, curiously, was … rejection.

Rejection is interesting, because it’s one of those emotions that isn’t based on anything factual or true about our self, yet we have all experienced the feeling of being devastated by feelings of rejection.

What is the actual experience of rejection, really, though? It is acknowledging a mismatch of energies. Dis-resonance. When two people or things are no longer in alignment, we must go different ways. It’s a neutral fact. No one’s fault. The truth is, when you experience “rejection” someone simply recognized the dis-resonance between you before you did. Someone has to take initiative in that.

If they use words that are unskillful, which is often the case -because face it, parting ways is hard to do – it may feel hurtful, but that’s not rejection. And it’s not a statement about anyone’s worthiness, lovability, talent, beauty, creativity- or anything. On an energetic level it means feeling anything less than the 100% awesome sauce you both deserve to feel, together or apart.

Here’s the thing: deep down you always know when shared energies are, or are gradually becoming, a mismatch but your Ego, for its own reasons, persists in its attachment to making this thing/relationship work.

When I inquired within and asked if I needed this magazine’s approval or this teacher’s praise, I heard “of course not, you didn’t like them anyway.” What?! It was true, though. I didn’t like the magazine; the articles more often than not did not resonate with me. In fact, I had long ago cancelled my subscription… yet I had wanted them to like me? Interesting.

My guitar teacher, too. While she was a good teacher and I was progressing well enough with her, her energy did not match with mine. After every session, I would feel something akin to jealousy coming from her and this would last throughout the week. I decided I would deal with it, so I could learn how to play guitar. But did I like it? No, I did not.

Why did I persist in these strained, dis-resonant relationships? My Ego stubbornly continued submitting articles to a magazine that consistently rejected me because of a desire to be seen, recognized, appreciated, valued…and a fear that I didn’t deserve any of it. I was afraid of being invisible. And because like attracts like, they totally ignored me! Ultimately, they even stopped sending me the common courtesy of an acknowledgment/rejection letter.

When I dug deeper into my relationship with the guitar teacher, I realized I was familiar with energies of unworthiness and jealousy, which in a sense made it more easy for me to accommodate, or at least to willfully overlook what was happening. I was doing that energy to myself in another area of my life, where I felt I wasn’t enough. When she literally told me that I, a writer, didn’t know how to write, it was such a ludicrous statement that it finally woke me up.

Leo New Moon Intuitive Energy Practice: You Do You

Many of us have conflicts around being truly seen and valued for who we are. In certain company, we do not feel bright and shiny, we feel less-than, wrong, or invisible – because we are in the wrong company. That’s the key phrase, here. If we feel wrong or invisible, if we feel someone is not seeing our essence, they are the wrong people for us right now. If we experience feelings of rejection, we simply haven’t gone deep enough, yet, to recognize that fact for our self.

We all deserve to feel the pure expression of standing in our own light, and being warmly received. If we aren’t, it’s not a sign to change our self, but to recognize mis-alignment and re-affirm that we deserve to feel nothing less than awesome. Sometimes that takes the form of learning to feel awesome on our own, with little external validation or appreciation from others, for a time. That’s an extremely worthy pursuit. External validation is a fickle, unreliable thing anyhow. After all, what happens when forms in your life change and an adoring audience is no longer there? You still exist.

Leo is the sign associated with being seen, loved and adored for our creative essence and soul expression. The Sun is its ruling planet. The Sun simply shines without holding back, trusting its own capacity to be warmly received.

In a nutshell, honor your self. Trust yourself. During Leo season: You do you.

(as an aside, as I was writing this my iPhone suddenly played the sound of an applause – out of the blue!)

Here’s the practice:

Get quiet. Ground, root, center. Sink into your spine and belly a bit more. Feel into any feelings of unworthiness, rejection, feeling invisible, unseen, unloved etc.  Set the intention to release.

Go underneath the self of social conditioning, and into the all-knowing Soul.

Go to that quiet, still place inside, and ask any of the following that resonate for you:

Do I need to be seen/loved/appreciated by another, to exist?

Do I need my creative efforts to have audience in order for me to feel worthy- to know I matter?

Do I need applause, approval, recognition, love from others?

Do I need to change my approach, style or alter my True Self in any way for others?

Listen deeply for the answer (hint: The Soul will answer “No” because that’s the Truth).

Allow this Truth to soothe and connect you to the Real You. Sink back into the “I AM” of who you are. You are inherently worthy, seen, loved and appreciated. You deserve to feel as awesome in your relationships as you feel about your morning coffee– or anything else that consistently delivers joy for you. Allow that to inform everything You are and do.

 

Capricorn Full Moon Lunar Eclipse: Profound Presence

Okay. Wow, that eclipse period was super intense. How was your eclipse? Wait, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. I’m not going to tell you what happened for me, either. For reasons you’ll understand as you read along.

When something difficult happens in our life, it’s normal to seek out emotional support. To want someone dear to pull near to, to tell our story and who (hopefully) will help us feel better. It’s culturally, typically, what we do. Especially as women. We talk about our traumas, dramas, issues. Emotional pain…quick…find someone to process that with!

In friendships among healers, it’s common practice to use our unique healing tools and abilities to give and receive emotional support to one another. I’ve known healers who have go-to buddies, you know, two people take turns giving and receiving support and healing to whomever is having a healing crisis. Kind of like having an on-call doctor. As attractive as this sounds, I’ve learned this approach doesn’t typically work out very well for me.

I’ve discovered when I talk about an especially vulnerable experience several things predictably occur. First, in the retelling I bring up the energy again. Which means, I drop myself right back into that traumatic moment. There is nothing wrong with that, if I’m ready for it, but I also know that means I’m going to relive the energy again, re-experience it, call it back up into my energy field. If it’s fresh, that’s going to be a degree of hard. Also, when I do, I want to feel safe and in good hands. For instance, if you’re going to have open heart surgery, you want a good surgeon -hopefully a heart surgeon- in the room. Hopefully, the right one, the one who knows your heart, its trap doors and secret passages. Also, hopefully, one who is not distracted, and is especially tuned in to you. That’s a lot of hope to pin on another person!

I remember one friend who volunteered to be my heart surgeon in a moment of need. She was so professional about this, she even said she was going to devote our entire call to my issue, just to make sure I got everything I needed (hearing this sent waves of panic through me– warning signs!).  She had good intentions, but her off-the-cuff delivery left me feeling more insulted and judged than seen. I’m certain sure she thought she was giving me a dose of healing truth, but I felt even more hurt and vulnerable after our conversation than before it.

Even another’s sensitivity and thoughtfulness may not protect you from receiving their unhealed stuff. Another friend oozed oodles of nurturing mama bear energy, but that also included a lot of fear disguised as “concern”. Sharing any vulnerability with her would inevitably involve many follow up emails and phone calls expressing concern/fear for my well-being. I stopped sharing intimate details of my life with her to protect myself from receiving her fearful energy.

It’s not a judgment on anyone to say this, but a true statement: Very few people can hold space for another person without allowing their own biases to interfere. Everyone has an Ego filter made up of their beliefs, conditioning, experiences, and opinions. All of this is at play as you re-tell your painful trauma story — or seek emotional support.

And if they’ve experienced anything remotely similar to what you’re going through, it’s human nature (thank you, mirror neurons?) to share it with you. Imagine it like this: I tell you I was in a car accident. During my retelling, your brain recalls that time almost the exact same thing happened to you, too… and oh my gosh it was just awful… and you proceed to tell me about your trauma, which feels bad for me, too. Especially since I have opened up my traumatic experience, again, and it’s awaiting resolution in a sort of suspended animation, as we’ve now invited your trauma energy into the field, too.

Gawd, just writing about this quickens my pulse. “Emotional support” can be so unnecessarily complex and hard.

To be frank, doesn’t all anyone really want when they’re really freaked out — not just chatting philosophically about life problems, but really freaked out– is to be held in a neutral, loving space of non-judgmental resonant energy? Similar to the way your dog lays there and stares lovingly at you as you cry, trusting you will work things out in your way and time?

Not advice. Not commentary. Not opinions. Not sharing experience, or energy. Just holding space.

After my recent brush with the demons which shall not be named, I started retelling the events to my husband and best friend. As I started feeling everything described above… that’s when I decided to just stop. To not relive the story. For my own good, I decided that I would not talk with anyone about this event right now.

Of course, I still needed support. I wanted to be held, caressed, reassured, and loved up in my moment of need. I still needed to process. I had just gone through a really scary thing; I needed to have a safe, nurturing space to heal myself. I’ve learned the only one who knows how to touch and soothe my hurt exactly where and how I need…is me.

Capricorn Full Moon Intuitive Energy Practice: Profound Presence

Cancer is the sign of emotional nurturing, caring, healing. Capricorn is the sign of self-reliance, realism, solitude. There is a place for both in the pantheon of human experience. Cancer season always touches on our tender vulnerability and yet under the light of practical and pragmatic Capricorn Full Moon, we are often pulled back onto our own solitary resources. Reality checks, hardship and necessity feels cold, stark and hard to the vulnerable inner child to whom fear comes so easily. It’s a bit like being, emotionally at least, in the barren North Pole during the most fertile time of the year.

As I laid awake at night in that dark place with my fears, I longed for nurturing, soothing peace. I recalled my deceased grandmother’s high four poster bed that I used to sleep in as a child. I had a lot of fear of the dark, as a child, and I remembered how safe I felt laying in that bed, the feel of her cool crisp sheets, the gentle movement of evening breeze, the sound of the crickets, the smell of my grandmother’s house. While there, even the dark night was okay.

I could bring that experience into present. Right now, tonight, I could lay awake and feel every undesirable thing I didn’t like about the trauma. But I could also tune into this moment and the healing it offered. I loved hearing the tropical palms sway outside my bedroom window, and the gentle whir of the ceiling fan was soothing. My bed is incredibly comfortable and I could smell my sweet dog Magnus sleeping next to me, a smell only a mother could love.

I entered into an experience I’ve been growing intimately familiar with, lately: profound presence. Enamored of the simplest things, everything within me grows very still, and I pull into a place of inward connection and solitude so profound that it’s difficult for even me, a lover of language, to put into words. Profound presence hardly does the experience justice, but that’s what I feel. When I get into this space my energy shifts, total and complete. It goes from whirling around in my head, feeling ungrounded, anxious or a number of feelings to: I am here. I am okay. All is well.

The practice: Life brings real hardship. The Ego is all too often looking for problems; it’s hardwired into our DNA. Yet there is always something to like in this moment. Start with just one simple thing that you like in your right now. The gecko sunning outside the window. The feeling of the breeze moving through the room. The beauty of the sunlight falling on the floor. The soothing sound of the clock ticking, your hot tea, the dryer humming. What do you like in this moment?

Keep it very simple, and right here in this room. Like the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, keep tasting what you like in this moment… and when you feel into something you really like, or it slowly starts adding up, notice your energy shift into presence. Allow yourself to become fully absorbed in the pleasure of appreciating the simplicity of your experience of liking the things and sensory experiences, cataloging each sensation in your energy body, with all of your senses, until it deepens into profound presence. Until all you are, and all you ever were, is right here. Simply here. Now.

Practice this act of nurturing solitude when the trauma of life gets to be too much. When no one is here to lean on but you, and your connection to your deepest most Divine Self. In profound presence, even darkness can turn light, full.

Culture reinforces the idea that when we’re hurting we should reach out to others for emotional “talk” support. This doesn’t always feel good. It not only takes us out of the present, but can invite new, unwanted, drama. If you can’t seem to get the quality of connection, healing and soothing you yearn for from another it’s probably because you already know how to give it to yourself. Go inward. Instead of looking outside your self and thinking you need someone out there to make you feel better, teach your self to reach inside, to solitude, for soothing and healing. As a client recently said to me, “I keep looking outside myself for emotional support, but I feel my best when I’m alone.” Yes. Trust that.