Hank Quense's Blog: Hank Quense's Blog, page 81

Summer Reading

Summer is here!  Time to read a few good books.[image error]

By an odd coincidence, I'm holding a book sale.  You can get signed copies of my books at reduced prices and I'll pay the postage (within the USA)

This is a limited time offer and will expire the next time Earth is hit with a civilization-destroying meteor.  So act now!

Go to my online bookstore to learn more

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Tales From Gundarland: new 5 star review

I found this review on the Librarything site this morning.  Short, but to the point

Really fun read! I love the twist on well known tales – my favorite being Romeo and Juliet. Oh, just thinking about [image error] it still makes me smile.

This is a brilliant collection that comes highly recommended! Be warned – you won't be able to read these without getting a chuckle (or a belly laugh) or two. (  )

Tales From Gundarland is available in print and ebook versions.  Get a print copy from Amazon or B&N and a ebook copy from Smashwords

Read all the reviews and a sample on my website.

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Zaftan Entrepreneurs: a new review

This material was copied from the Amazon page for Zaftan Entrepreneurs

5.0 out of 5 stars Unbelievably funny, June 17, 2011

By Evie-Bookish -

Zaftan Entrepreneurs is an extremely funny and highly entertaining science fantasy novel by Hank Quense. This book has everything: humor, adventure, magic, war, aliens, fantasy creatures and humans. Spiced up with a hilarious political satire and a healthy dose of romance, it's a delightful fast-paced and engaging read, that will leave you craving for more. I can promise you that it's nothing like you've ever read before!

The story takes off when a Zaftan space ship approaches the Gundar planet. Zaftans are rather repulsive[image error]looking, squid-like creatures, standing seven feet tall and weighing over 400 pounds, with grayish skin oozing green slime. Oh, and did I mention that they don't wear clothes? It's because the slime makes most cloth materials smolder and eventually catch fire. Not only do they look nasty, but they're also quite snarly and treacherous, even toward their own kind. They come from a planet called Zaftan 31B, colorless and depressing place, permanently covered with dark clouds. Living on a planet nearly deployed of natural resources, zaftans are forced to explore the space.

During one of the exploration voyages a zaftan space ship, commanded by Captain Yunta, comes across Gundar, a bluish planet populated by diverse races, such as dwarfs, elves, humans, half-pints, yuks and others. After a brief analysis of the surface, Yunta decides to send Shtap, one of her officers, to negotiate the mining treaty with the leader of the natives. After learning the language of the natives, Shtap pays a visit to the president of Gundarland, Albert Webley. In exchange for the mining permission, he offers to teach them how to clean up the pollution and keep their water clean. Shtap says, they will use robotic explorers to explore the surface of the planet and promises to respect the property rights and the people. The officials, tempted by the prospect of having their pollution problem solved, agree to the treaty. Everything seems to be going well for zaftans, up until the point when the robotic explorers start trespassing and causing damage to the private properties. One thing zaftans don't yet realize is how feisty a creature each Gundarians can be when it comes to protecting his/her land and property. Zaftans are about to learn their lesson the hard way!

I haven't read any previous novels from Hank Quense, but in this one, he definitely makes his great talent clear. Hank is no doubt an ingenious comedic writer, blessed with intellect and the ability to make the reader laugh out loud. It really doesn't even matter whether you're a fantasy or science fiction fan, if you like a good laugh, this is definitely a book for you. Zaftan Entrepreneurs is remarkably fresh and consistently funny, very Pratchett-ish! The characters in this book are fascinating and even the smallest ones are very relevant to the plot. I loved how the story was told from many different perspectives, all of them complementary to each other. I enjoyed the story and the humor a lot, I found it extremely hard to put this book down and I'm definitely looking forward to the second part of Zaftan Trilogy!

So is there anyone I wouldn't recommend this book to? Well, yes, actually, there is. If your book shelf consist mostly of YA/Paranormal novels, you might not find this book to be a good fit for you. It definitely takes a rather mature and open minded reader to fully appreciate the political satire (which by the way, is oh!-so-genius!). But if you're one of the people who can "think outside the box" and you feel like a good laugh, then by all means, grab the book and start reading! You definitely won't be disappointed!

Get a copy now! It makes a great summer read.  Available in print and ebook editions.

Read all the review and a sample on my website.

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This material was copied from the Amazon page for Zaftan ...

This material was copied from the Amazon page for Zaftan Entrepreneurs

5.0 out of 5 stars Unbelievably funny, June 17, 2011

By Evie-Bookish -

Zaftan Entrepreneurs is an extremely funny and highly entertaining science fantasy novel by Hank Quense. This book has everything: humor, adventure, magic, war, aliens, fantasy creatures and humans. Spiced up with a hilarious political satire and a healthy dose of romance, it's a delightful fast-paced and engaging read, that will leave you craving for more. I can promise you that it's nothing like you've ever read before!

The story takes off when a Zaftan space ship approaches the Gundar planet. Zaftans are rather repulsive[image error]looking, squid-like creatures, standing seven feet tall and weighing over 400 pounds, with grayish skin oozing green slime. Oh, and did I mention that they don't wear clothes? It's because the slime makes most cloth materials smolder and eventually catch fire. Not only do they look nasty, but they're also quite snarly and treacherous, even toward their own kind. They come from a planet called Zaftan 31B, colorless and depressing place, permanently covered with dark clouds. Living on a planet nearly deployed of natural resources, zaftans are forced to explore the space.

During one of the exploration voyages a zaftan space ship, commanded by Captain Yunta, comes across Gundar, a bluish planet populated by diverse races, such as dwarfs, elves, humans, half-pints, yuks and others. After a brief analysis of the surface, Yunta decides to send Shtap, one of her officers, to negotiate the mining treaty with the leader of the natives. After learning the language of the natives, Shtap pays a visit to the president of Gundarland, Albert Webley. In exchange for the mining permission, he offers to teach them how to clean up the pollution and keep their water clean. Shtap says, they will use robotic explorers to explore the surface of the planet and promises to respect the property rights and the people. The officials, tempted by the prospect of having their pollution problem solved, agree to the treaty. Everything seems to be going well for zaftans, up until the point when the robotic explorers start trespassing and causing damage to the private properties. One thing zaftans don't yet realize is how feisty a creature each Gundarians can be when it comes to protecting his/her land and property. Zaftans are about to learn their lesson the hard way!

I haven't read any previous novels from Hank Quense, but in this one, he definitely makes his great talent clear. Hank is no doubt an ingenious comedic writer, blessed with intellect and the ability to make the reader laugh out loud. It really doesn't even matter whether you're a fantasy or science fiction fan, if you like a good laugh, this is definitely a book for you. Zaftan Entrepreneurs is remarkably fresh and consistently funny, very Pratchett-ish! The characters in this book are fascinating and even the smallest ones are very relevant to the plot. I loved how the story was told from many different perspectives, all of them complementary to each other. I enjoyed the story and the humor a lot, I found it extremely hard to put this book down and I'm definitely looking forward to the second part of Zaftan Trilogy!

So is there anyone I wouldn't recommend this book to? Well, yes, actually, there is. If your book shelf consist mostly of YA/Paranormal novels, you might not find this book to be a good fit for you. It definitely takes a rather mature and open minded reader to fully appreciate the political satire (which by the way, is oh!-so-genius!). But if you're one of the people who can "think outside the box" and you feel like a good laugh, then by all means, grab the book and start reading! You definitely won't be disappointed!

Get a copy now!  It makes a great summer read.

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The Fourth Bear by Jasper Fforde

This isn't Fford's latest, it was published in 2006, but it's my favorite of the ones I've read.  This is another fairy tale squeezed almost out of recognition by subplots and outrageous liberties taken with the plot and characters.  In it, Detectives Jack Spratt and Mary Mary investigate suspicious occurrences that include the mysterious deaths of heavy-weight cucumber growers, Goldilocks' disappearance and subsequent death and  Somme World (experience WWI!)

My favorite scene occurred when Mary went on a date with Detective Ashley, an alien with a skin like a jellyfish.  On the date, they go to Ashley's parents house for dinner.

Anyone who hopes to write humor should get this scene and use it as the gold standard.

Laugh-out-loud lines in the scene:

Ashley's Mom, Abigail, at the dinner table: "Mary, pass the toothpaste."

Mary picked up what she thought was the condiment basket and passed it up the table.

Abigail squeezed some Colgate on her chips.

Overall, a delightful read.  4 out of 5 stars

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Broken But Not Dead by Joylene Butler

My friend and fellow author, Joylene Butler, is a Canadian and her second novel, a suspense thriller, is set in British Columbia.  It's scheduled to be released later this month by Theytus Books.

Here is the official book blurb:

Brendell Kisêpîsim Meshango is of Métis heritage and a PhD university professor in Prince GeorgeBritishColumbia. When Brendell resigns from the university and retreats to her isolated cabin to

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Joylene Butler

repair her psyche, she is confronted by a masked intruder. His racial comments lead her to believe she is the solitary victim of a hate crime. However, is all as it appears? After two bizarre days inflicting a sadistic captivity, the intruder mysteriously disappears.

Taught by her mother to fear and distrust the mainstream-based power structures, and with her stalker possibly linked to a high level of government, Brendell conceals the incident from the police. But will keeping quiet keep her safe?

Then her beloved daughter, Zoë, is threatened — and Brendell takes matters into her own hands. To save Zoë, Brendell searches for the stalker and confronts not just a depraved madman but her own fears and prejudices.

This second novel by Joylene Nowell Butler will keep you spellbound, taking you on suspenseful journey as the hunter becomes the hunted and the disturbing truth is discovered.

Get a copy here: http://www.theytus.com

Two early reviewers have raved about the novel.

[image error]Gail Bowden, author of the Joanne Kilbourn series said:

"Joylene Butler's protagonist, Professor Brendell Meshango, is a complex and uniquely Canadian character. She is a strong woman, but neither her Aboriginal childhood, her adult success as an academic, nor her fierce loyalty to her own child prepare her, or us, for the terror that strikes when she becomes the victim of a, seemingly random home invasion. The action in "Broken But Not Dead" is gripping; the characters are rich and the climax riveting.

Martha Cheves said, in part:

"Broken But Not Dead is written without the "fluff" that's found in many books. Joylene Nowell Butler gets straight to the story, taking you from one happening to the next and keeps you turning the page. The characters of Brendell and her determination, Zoe and her stubbornness, the mental instability of the "intruder" is written with such possibility that the book is very believable. Now that I've read Broken But Not Dead, I can't wait to read Dead Witness also written by Joylene Butler.

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Obama's Bad Luck

I voted for Obama and I think he's a dedicated American who is trying to restore the American dream.  I think he has a vision of what the country should be like and he's trying to move is there,  Despite the everyday disasters, both weather-wise and foreign, I think he is doIng a terrific job. While this may sound silly given the state of the country, consider the conditions he is operating against.

One expects the minority party to dispute the White House positions, but one also expects those politicians to consider the country's welfare before the welfare of their Party.  Unfortunately, the Republicans' position is based regaining the White House, not trying to solve the nation's problems of even trying to govern the country.

Obama's second problem is the Democratic Party "leadership" in Congress.  Pelosi and Reed are incompetent and Obama has been saddled with them since he became President.  Reed and Polosi have demonstrated no ability to lead,they are nothing but placeholders waiting for real leaders to emerge.  Their procrastination and  lack of leadership led to the inordinate delays and interminable negotiations that took almost an entire year changed a healthcare plan that many liked to one that everyone hates.

Their gross incompetence led to the defeat on the midterm elections.  The Democrats then took stock of their losses and chose to re-elect the architects of defeat, Pelosi and Reed.  Consequently, President Obama has the unfortunate task of fighting off the Republican attack on the National welfare while trying to direct the leaderless Democratic Congress to do something constructive.

This constitutes bad luck squared.

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Faux News Network Report: Queen Assaults Banking Executive.

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An FNN Exclusive report from Gina Vagabond in our London Office.

Staid Londoners were shocked today when Queen Elizabeth attacked banking executive, Louis LeVale, during a nationally televised diplomatic event.   Standing together on a reviewing stand while the Household Guards paraded past the stand, LeVale bent over and said something to the Queen.  The Queen, looking shocked,  swung her pocketbook at the LeVale's face, possibly breaking his nose. Despite the gushing blood, the Queen then kicked LeVale in the shin.  Several members of her staff grabbed her and she was clearly heard to say, "I will knee him in the bullocks, if I can still get my leg up that high."

LeVale, a Frenchman and an executive in the International Euro Fund (IEF) was removed from the stage and the Queen went on with the review without him although she was seen muttering to herself.

Afterward, a spokeswoman said the Queen had responded to sexual suggestions that LeVale made to her.

LeVale, through a spokesperson, denied that he had made such advances to the Queen, but he has a reputation for bothering little old ladies in several Parisian districts.  The IEF issued a statement expressing confidence that LeVale will survive the incident based on his ability to extricate himself from other similar scraps in the past.

LeVale left London unexpectedly on a private jet bound for Paris where he went into seclusion.  Later, one of his staffers announced LeVale was considering legal action against the Queen for her unprovoked attacks.

The Metropolitan Police have sworn out a warrant for his arrest on charges of talking nonsense in the presence of royalty without permission.

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FNN Report: Tornado Disaster Funding

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A Faux News Network Exclusive Report:

Political reporter Stacy Conundrum interviewed a Republican staffer, Sam Go-fer, who spoke on condition of anonymity.  Mr. Go-fer is charged with coming up with a Republican position on the recent tornado disasters

FNN: How are the Republican members of Congress planning to help the people in the tornado-ravaged areas in the South and Midwest?

Go-fer:  The Democratic government has frivolously wasted billions of dollars in the past and threatened the survival of the American way of life because of this massive debt.  Obviously, we cannot add to the Federal debt simply because one area has experienced a disaster.  We want to help but there are limits on what we can do.

FNN: President Obama visited Joplin on Sunday and promised the country would help them.  Besides Joplin, there is devastation in Oklahoma and other places.  How will the Republicans help the President in getting aid to these ravaged areas?

Go-fer:  It's quite simple.  If President Obama wants to use Federal tax dollars to rebuild these areas and aid these unfortunate citizens, the Republican Party is all for it.

FNN: Really?

Go-fer: Of course. We Republicans feel for the terrible experience those people went through and we want the Federal Government to help them as much as possible.

FNN: So the Republicans don't see a problem in increasing spending to help there disaster areas?

Go-fer: If President Obama wants to send money there, all he is do is reduce spending somewhere else.

FNN: What does that mean?

Go-fer: We can't use these disasters as an excuse to increase the Federal debt.  If President Obama wants to help these people, then he has to come up with the money with other areas.  Some possibilities are taking it from Education or Healthcare funding.

FNN: What about raising taxes on the rich or eliminating tax breaks for oil companies?

Go-fer: That's ridiculous!  You can't balance the budget by raising taxes on a select group of people.  The rich are taxed too heavily as it is and we have to reduce their burden, not increase it.  As for the so-called tax breaks on oil companies, if these  breaks are eliminated, it will play havoc with the ability of these companies to maintain their dividend payouts

FNN: It doesn't sound like Republicans really want to help Joplin and the others.

Go-fer: Nonsense.  We feel for those people and their predicament, but we can't sacrifice the general good to help a small group of unfortunates.  Another way to fund the Joplin relief is to take the money from the budgets of those reactionary regulatory groups who are always getting in the way of businesses increasing their profits.  We Republicans would whole-heartedly endorse that option. Perhaps the relief effort  can be funded by a combination of reductions in all three areas, regulatory, healthcare and education.  The Republican Party would certainly support such a plan and we could easily get the funding approved within a year or two.

FNN: What if the White House doesn't want to cut those areas?

Go-fer: Then the folks in those disaster areas are on their own.  I hope and pray they had tornado insurance.

This is Stacy Conundrum.  More news later on.

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Mustard Barbecue Sauce

I made this BBQ sauce last night to put on grilled baby-back ribs.  I liked it so much I decided to share it.

Description: A spicy BBQ sauce

Serves:  enough for a rack of ribs of a plate of chicken parts

Time: five minutes

Ingredients:

1/4 cup lemon juice

1/4 cup vegetable oil

1/4 cup dijon mustard

4 scallions diced

1-3 tablespoons dry mustard (according to your taste)

2 tablespoons chili sauce

2 tablespoons brown sugar

3 medium cloves of garlic, minced

1 medium jalapeno pepper, minced

Preparation:

Mix all ingredients in a bowl

Slaver on meat just before it finishes cooking.

Serve remaining sauce at the table

Notes:

Based on recipe in Cook's Illustrated

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