Hank Quense's Blog: Hank Quense's Blog, page 82
May 18, 2011
Tales for the Troops
I have been giving away my books to military forces for a number of years now. To increase distribution, I'm posting this notice on various websites. If you are in the military, send an email to hanque99 at verizon dot net from your .mil address and I'll send you a list of codes to download the ebooks free of charge from Smashwords in the format of your choice.
If you know anyone in the military, please forward this notice to them.
The ebooks are:
Tales from Gundarland: six humorous short stores and two novellas
Zaftan Entrepreneurs: A first contact story with a difference
Brunnhilde's Quest: a humorous retelling of the ancient Rhinegold myth
Mini-Collection: three humorous, previously published short stories
Build a Better Story: Fiction writing advice aimed at inexperienced writers
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May 11, 2011
FNN Report: Paki official explains
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FNN travel reporter Gina Vagabond, who happened to be in Pakisatan, filed this report on her exclusive interview with local police chief, Youseff el-Bin Youseff.
GV: How could you not know Bin Laden was in the compound?
YBY: Easily. The cunning dog used a phony name. His guards said the man's name was Saddam Hussein.
GV: You didn't think that name was suspicious?
YBY: Hussein is a very common name in some parts of the world, you know.
GV: Didn't you ask for ID?
YBY: It is a big compound, the compound of a rich man and that means a man with much influence. One doesn't jeopardize one's position by making inquiries about such a man. Besides, his guards paid each of my policeman a hundred US dollars not to ask questions.
GV: You took a hundred dollars from the guards?
YBY: Of course not. My police officers each took a hundred dollars. I took five hundred dollars.
GV: No one ever became suspicious of this arrangement?
YBY: A few people did, but the guards also paid us to watch out for such folks and for those who showed an interest in the compound.
GV: What happened when you noticed someone doing that?
YBY: We took the curious one to the station house where we and the guards interrogated him.
GV: Afterward, what happened?
YBY: We buried the curious one. With great respect I might add. Then we split the bonus money from the guards.
GV: How did the compound get supplies?
YBY: By truck usually. Also, a woman accompanied by guards often went to the market.
GV: One of Bin Laden's wives?
YBY: Impossible to tell. The woman wore a burqa, but from the little we could see of her, she was very ugly. Also burly. We think it might have been one of the guards dressed as a woman. Possibly, the market trip in a burqa was a punishment detail.
GV: What is the reaction of you and your policemen now that Bin Laden was killed inside the compound?
YBY: We are a poor people. It is despicable of the Americans to come onto our country without permission and take away a source of income from my men. Several of them purchased additional wives with the money from the guards. How are they supposed to feed these extra mouths now that the bonus money has dried up?
GV: That's it for now from Pakistan. More later, perhaps.
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May 6, 2011
Ipad and Apps
Since I bought my IPad last June, I've found that my software needs have changed significantly and I doubt if I'm the only IPad user who has experienced this change. I think what I'm experiencing is an unanticipated outgrowth of the tablets and many software companies are slow to react or are ignoring the situation entirely.
I find I'm using the tablet to do an increasing amount of work while I do less on my laptop. I'm a fiction writer and I write short stories and novels on my laptop computer while sitting at a desk in an office at home. In the pre-IPad days, I also wrote blog posts, email and other stuff on that laptop and at that desk. While the laptop is portable, it has limited places where it can be used. It can't for instance be used in a lounge chair. An IPad on the other hand can be used in the lounge chair. I'm writing the first draft of this article in a lounge chair using my IPad.
Soon after getting the IPad, I noticed it freed me from the laptop and the desk for certain tasks. After downloading a number of apps such as Pages, I found I could write blog posts on Pages. I could write scenes on my Ipad. I could use mind-mapping software to brainstorm with myself to solve problems, to make to-do lists and work on character development and story design.
The biggest drawback to using many of the IPad apps is the inability to sync much of the IPad software with my laptop programs. Some IPad programs such as Pages have a simple solution; I just email a document to my laptop and open it with the laptop version.
Obviously, Apple understood the impact of the IPad and the Apple software got it right with the initial software, unlike most other software developers who don't have an easy solution to transfer files and open them on another device. A number of them don't have any solution at all.
To state it differently, I need the ability to use programs and files interchangeably on my laptop and IPad. This need is one that was completely unforeseen by me when I got the IPad. Simply put, the IPad has become a remote laptop. While my writing business centers on the laptop, I have grown away from it and use the IPad quite a lot. Despite my increasing use of the IPad, the laptop remains the core of my business and the files I produce on the IPad must be transferred to the laptop eventually. Once on the laptop, they have to be modified or formatted or otherwise changed. My IPad has become an adjunct to my laptop and apps have to be adjuncts to the laptop programs.
The software developers seem to have missed is this interdependency between computers. Too many apps are standalone toys thrown out by developers to make a few bucks from IPad users.
I have come to the conclusion that I can't afford to use a number of apps that have this standalone functionality. If an app can't sync with the laptop programs then it is a useless app and I've gotten rid of several as soon as I found a replacement. I also stopped buying additional laptop software unless it has an app that allows syncing between my two devices.
Let me be clear. Transferring files through an ITunes connection is NOT a satisfactory solution. That requires deleting and adding files and has no syncing capability at all.
In conclusion the IPad has changed the situation and too many software programs act as if the IPad hasn't changed anything. Not so.
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April 29, 2011
FNN Report: Trump continues to dig
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FNN reporter Stacy Conundrum reports on Donald Trump's latest demand. In a press conference today, Mr. Trump followed up on his "success" with President Obama's birth certificate by urging the president to release his report card from his kindergarten classes. "This is important stuff. The voters have a right to know how their President performed during his formative years. I have heard from sources that he had disciplinary problems and was often made to sit in a corner. Other sources tell me Obama had a lack of basic understanding on how to stack blocks to build a tower. I call on the White House to open its records and disclose these vital facts. They are essential to allow voters to make up their minds on whether he is qualified to run for a second term. At my own expense, I hired a team of investigates to dig out information on this breaking issue because we can't trust Obama to tell us the truth."
Trump promises to continue to inform the voters about as long media continues to listen.
When asked to name his sources, Trump declined, saying he had to protect their privacy.
Sarah Palin later issued a press release supporting Trump's efforts. "I'm glad someone finally is attempting to expose the hidden secrets of this most secretive of all Presidential regimes. Due to Donald's efforts, we finally got to see Obama's birth certificate. After all this time, I have to wonder if it was produced in the White House basement by a team of CIA forgerers"
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April 26, 2011
Another 5-Star Review for Zaftan Entrepreneurs
Zaftan Entrepreneurs is an extremely funny and highly entertaining science fantasy novel by Hank Quense. This[image error] book has everything: humor, adventure, magic, war, aliens, fantasy creatures and humans. Spiced up with a hilarious political satire and a healthy dose of romance, it's a delightful fast-paced and engaging read, that will leave you craving for more. I can promise you that it's nothing like you've ever read before!
Five out of five stars: Ji-ye: Goodreads
Go to my website to learn more or go to the squidoo page for Zaftan Entrepreneurs
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April 25, 2011
Spanish Deviled Eggs
Description: A great Spanish variation on the classic deviled egg
Serves: 24 servings
Time: 30 minutes
Ingredients:
1 dozen large eggs, hard-boiled
4 ounces packaged Spanish chorizo sausage, finely chopped
1 tablespoon finely chopped flat-leaf parsley, more for garnish
1/2 jalapeno pepper minced
1 tablespoon sherry vinegar
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons cold water
Salt and pepper to taste
Preparation:
Peel eggs, slice eggs lengthwise. Remove yolks and place them in a medium bowl. Arrange egg white halves on a rimmed baking sheet.
To prepare the filling, cook chorizo in a cold skillet over medium heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 10 to 12 minutes, until crisp. Meanwhile, add parsley, jalapeno, vinegar, mayonnaise, mustard and water to yolks. Mash to combine. Taste and adjust seasoning with salt and pepper.
Use two small spoons to scoop filling into egg white halves.
When ready to serve, sprinkle eggs with warm chorizo and chopped parsley. Serve immediately.
Notes: Based on a recipe on the Whole Foods web site
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April 20, 2011
Ebook Launch Party
To celebrate the availability of my two new ebooks, I'm having this launch party until April 24. Both ebooks are available from Smashwords and Kindle
Brunnhilde's Quest is a fantasy spoof retelling of the ancient Rhinegold myth[image error] used by Richard Wagner in his Ring Cycle of operas. The tale has something for every reader: love, greed, treachery, lust, murder, magic and incest. All provided by a legendary cast that includes:
* Brunnhilde, an exiled Valkyrie who seeks the secret of mortal love.
* Siegfried, a hero with a really strange background.
* Fafner, a greedy dragon, formerly a greedy mortal.
* Alberich, a nasty Nibelung (some would call him a smelly, dirty dwarf.)
* Wotan and Loki, gods of Asgard.
* Lots of mortals, assorted Valkyries, several birds and the earth goddess.
Mini-Collection contains three short stories, two humorous and one satiric.
[image error]MacBeth: the Sequel: tells of a quest by the Wyrd sisters
Lucy in Love: Lucretia Borgia is back on earth: in Manhattan!
Sponsored By…: An Army captain struggles to keep his rifle company fromgetting overrun by armed felons.
Everyone who subscribes to this blog between now and Sunday, April 24, will be put in a drawing to win copies of both stories. By subscribing, you will be sure to get every Faux News Network report as soon as it is published.
Everyone who enters will receive a free ebook (not these two)
Sing up and enjoy some laughs
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FNN: Royal Wedding News Leak
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This is a FNN exclusive report from our London reporter, Glyniss St. Duncan. She filed this report last night:
The latest and hottest news leak in London right now is that the Royal Wedding in Westminster Abbey on April 29th is an elaborate security ruse; the couple have no intention of getting married there. The bride's dress, the choir practice, the wedding party names etc are all part of the ruse. The couple plan to elope on the night of the 28th and fly to Haiti where they will be married by a voodoo priestess on the beach in a barefoot ceremony involving a lot of chicken blood.
After the wedding the couple will spend a honeymoon paddling around the Caribbean in the Royal Rowboat and visit various islands.
A Buckingham Place spokesperson refused to answer questions about the leak, calling it "total rubbish," they lending credence to the leak by not disavowing it.
The London bookies, as of this night, are giving three-to-one odds that the elopement will happen. "It be the kind of stuff you'd expect from MI5," one bookie said. "They're capable of trying to conn the entire nation. They've been doing it for years."
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April 19, 2011
FNN report: Mets manager not discouraged
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Jock Strapper, our sports reporter, talked with Mets manager Terry Collins after the Mets finished a disastrous road trip and ended up in last place in the National League East.
"I am not discouraged," Collins said, "and neither are the players. We've had a bad stretch caused by injuries and our lack of offense, but this will change. Once we get rolling, our fans will see the team they expected to see."
When asked how the team would finish at the end of the season, Terry replied, "I'll stand by my earlier prediction. We aren't losers. We'll end up the mediocre team our fans expect and love. I think we'll finish one or two games over five hundred. With a few breaks, we could go as high as three games over five hundred."
In regard to making the playoffs, Collins said, "The playoffs aren't what the Mets are about. It's true the team made the playoffs in the past and even the World Series a few times, but those seasons were aberrations. Our forte now is mediocrity and we do it very well."
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April 17, 2011
Stir, Laugh Repeat: a cookbook review
Martha Cheves has a cookbook that I recently purchased.
I do a lot of cooking and consequently, I read a lot of cookbooks. All of them have many complicated recipes calling for a lot for ingredients. I always assumed that was the way of the cook. Until I got a copy of Martha Cheves' cook book Stir, Laugh, Repeat.
This cookbook specializes in simple recipes that should find favor with working couples who haven't the time or energy to cook complicated recipes. Martha's recipes call for pre-packaged ingredients that could be stocked in advance and used as the need arises.
As an example, Martha has a chicken and rice recipe that has similarities to the Spanish classic Arroz con Pollo, one that I make a lot. I use chicken, rice, onions, peppers, tomatoes, broth, saffron and other spices. It takes twenty minutes of prep work and an hour of stovetop cooking; adding ingredients, stirring etc. Martha's recipes calls for chicken and a prepackaged box of saffron rice and a few other ingredients with almost no preparation time and less than a half-hour in the oven.
All in all, this cookbook should find favor with many busy families and others who aren't thrilled by cooking but like to eat.
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Hank Quense's Blog
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