Hank Quense's Blog: Hank Quense's Blog, page 76

Trump Energizes the Republican Party

This is an exclusive Faux News Network report.
The Republican Party has hit a wall.  With Cain gone, Perry getting ignored and Bachman missing, the fun has gone out of reading about the candidates or watching them on TV.  Gingrich and Romney are boring.  Donald Trump recognized the problem and inserted himself into the middle of the campaign by agreeing to moderate a debate.  Trump has provided a missing ingredient in the campaign; fun.  Trump can make the candidates more ridiculous and irrelevant than they can ever do by themselves.
With his stunning announcement about moderating a Republican debate Trump has sent shock waves through the ranks of the voters.  FNN political reporter Stacy Conundrum traveled the streets and interviewed voters to get their opinions on this situation.
Stacy (in New York City) What do think about the Donald Trump debate?Voter 1: Great stuff.  The Republican debates have become dull.  Some of the candidates have stopped talking off the cuff because they're afraid of saying something stupid.  Again.  Once they get on the stage with Trump, there's no telling what kind of silly stuff will happen. This could be the death of the Republican Party.  
Stacy (in Iowa) What do your think about the Donald Trump debate?voter 2: You sound like you're from New York or some sinful place like that. Get off my lawn before I call the cops,
Stacy: (in Kansas) What do you think about the Donald Trump debate?Voter 3: Trump has a debate?  Did they finally cancel his awful show?  That's good news.  But if this new show is like the old one, why bother watching?
Stacey: (In Seattle) What do you think about the Donald Trump Debate?Voter 4: Trump?  Who the hell is Trump?  Am I supposed to know who the guy is?  I got stuff to do.  Get out of my face.
Stacy.  My travels will continue and I'll file more reports later.

Zaftan Miscreants Blog Tour

Join me in my blog tour starting next Monday, December 6.  It runs thru Friday, December 16.  Each day, I'll be at different site to answer questions or respond to comments.The list of sites is shown below:Monday, December 5thGuest blogging at Café of DreamsTuesday, December 6thInterviewed at BlogcriticsWednesday, December 7thGuest blogging at Lori's Reading CornerThursday, December 8thInterviewed at Pump Up Your Book!Friday, December 9thInterviewed at The Hot Author ReportMonday, December 12thInterviewed at Paperback WriterTuesday, December 13thGuest blogging at InkyblotsWednesday, December 14thBook excerpt featured at Between the CoversThursday, December 15thBook spotlighted at BroowahaFriday, December 16thBook spotlighted at Pump Up Your Books, Blurbs and Bytes

Giant head coach confused by media attention

This is another FNN exclusive report by Jock Strapper who covers sports for FNN.Giant head coach Tom Coughlin said today that he is puzzled by all the media attention surrounding the current three game losing streak.He told FNN! "We've been doing this for years, so why is everyone acting like this is a major story.  For a number of years now, we've racked up a great record during the first half of the year and then have problems winning a game in the second half.  This is not news."
Coughlin went to explain that during the pre-season, he and his coaching staff put together a single game plan to use during the entire season. "That relieves us of the onerous task of making a new game plan every week.  We can concentrate on other issues, like holding press conferences."
FNN asked if Coughlin thought the other teams were on to the Giants season-long game plan and had developed plans to neutralize the Giants plays.
Coughlin didn't think the other teams would be so crude as to decipher the Giant game plan.  "That smacks of underhandedness.," he said.  He added that the coaching staff tinkered with the master game plan to compensate for injuries.  This would also confuse the opponents who studied the Giant game planHe told FNN that he thought the Giants would win another game or even two before the end of the season.

A plan for long-term Federal debt reduction

Faux News Network political reporter Stacy Conundrum has learned one aspect of this plan from a Tea Party operative who demanded anonymity because the plan hasn't been finalized.  The plan, according to the source, will be the cornerstone of the Tea Party's initiative to lower longtime Federal spending.  The operative described part of the plan this way.  "The first step will be to overturn Obama's health plan.  This will eliminate health benefits for over thirty million Americans.  Without access to health care, many of these people will die early, before they are old enough to qualify for Social Security and Medicare.  While this will not solve the Federal deficit by itself it certainly represents a positive step forward to longterm financial stability."  She continued, "If even half of that thirty million don't live long enough to collect, the savings will be enormous."Our source said the plan would be rolled out in the next few months, Stacy reported, and they expect all of the Republican Presidential candidates to endorse the plan and that they will agree that they have found the key to long-term deficit reduction.The source concluded by saying, "This type of creative legislation will allow us to continue to give tax breaks to the oil industry, deregulate the banking industry and maintain the farm subsidies, all of which are vital elements in our national interest."

Anti-Orwellian Developments

Have you noticed how many stores and public places now have video cameras? They record everything going on around them.  Sounds a bit like Orwell's 1984, doesn't it?  Except--how many times have you seen a film clip of a crime in progress on the TV news? Using the cameras to identify criminals and protect private property isn't exactly Orwellian.And then there are the Smartphones.  Almost everyone has one and most of them can shoot video clips.  In what amounts to an anti-Orwellian development, people use those smartphones to record acts of violence and unlawful activity such as police brutality.  The videos, posted on the web, are seen by millions of people.Unfortunately, many police officers don't seem to understand that the brutality they are accustomed to use without fear of reprisals is now permanently documented and subjected to public scrutiny.It is mind-boggling that neither criminals nor the police seem to have grasped the impact of the new technology on their traditional method of operations.  The  crooks continue to pull off robberies under the eye of the camera.  The cops continue to brutalize peaceful demonstrators as if they were invisible and unaccountable for their actions.These developments certainly weren't foreseen by Orwell when he wrote his horrific novel. What do you think about these developments?

Freebies!

Check out the new freebies pages on my website Strange Worlds.  You can find a story, fiction writing articles and even mind-maps all ready to be down-loaded. More stuff will become available over time so bookmark the site

Congressional Greed

Can you believe the imbeciles we have in Washington?  Congress is composed equally of those who are frightened to raise taxes and those who are scared to cut expenses.  The don't fear the wrath of the voters; they fear the wrath of their corporate masters who have bought their loyalty.Why do we tolerate this nonsense?  Why do we allow these idiots to remain in office?The obvious response to this situation is to take action next spring.  Many of our corrupt or stupid representatives will be running for reelection in 2012.  They have to go through a primary election and there is where we must act.  We must swarm to the ballot box and vote for the challengers.  Once the incumbent loses the primary election, we will have a new set of representatives who may act in the best interest of the voters. Until they get comfortable with the money the lobbyists drop on their desks to buy their votes. Then we will have to clean house again.  Since we don't have automatic terms limits, we, the voters, must implement out own term limits.  And don't tell me everyone in Congress is corrupt except YOUR Representatives and Senators.  They are ALL corrupt and have to be voted out of office.

Two new interviews

Two new interviews of mine have appeared over the last week. One of them is on Joylenne Butler's site: http://cluculzwriter.blogspot.com/2011/11/another-great-interview-hank-quense.htmlThe other is at Angel's Cove: http://angelscove.blogspot.com/2011/11/interview-with-author-of-zaftan.htmlBoth are interviews about Zaftan Miscreants.  Check them out.

Merchant of Venison; a sample read

One of the stories in Tales From Gundarland is my version of one of Shakespeare's most famous stories.  I transported it to Gundarland and changed the main characters slightly.  The entire story can be read in my award-winning collection of six short stories and two novellas.MERCHANT OF VENISONBy HANK QUENSESCENE ONE:© 2010In response to Bassanio's urgent plea, Antonio hurried along the still-dark streets of Dun Hythe to the home of his friend.  Since Bassanio rarely awoke before noon, the reason for the early morning meeting must be extraordinary.He turned off the cobblestone main road and walked the unpaved side streets towards the city walls where Bassanio's house stood by itself.  After his experiments had destroyed his last three homes, two by fire and one by explosion, the city leaders demanded that Bassanio live in isolation from nearby houses.[image error]In front of the house, he paused to straighten his brown jerkin and to adjust his rust-colored cloak before he knocked on the front door.  Bassanio's pale face and red-rimmed eyes alarmed him.  He wore a yellow dressing gown pocked with burn holes and old, fluffy slippers with bunny faces sewed into them.  An elf, Bassanio towered over Antonio's dwarfish figure, but he stooped as if suffering from exhaustion.  His long, light brown hair, now disheveled, partially concealed his face.  Considered the most handsome male in Dun Hythe, he looked far from his best this morning.  "Good! You're here," he said.  "Come in."  His breath reeked of stale wine.Antonio entered the front room of the house and was greeted by the acrid stink of burnt chemicals.  He noticed that more ceiling beams had been charcoaled since his last visit.  Bassanio's lab was in the back of the house, but he frequently performed experiments wherever he happened to be."Are you all right?"  Antonio asked.  "You look like a zombie."  He tugged his short, brown beard in distress."I was up late."  Bassanio plowed a hand through his hair.  "Working on a plan to ensure my fortune.  I need your help.""Tell me," Antonio said.  Bassanio was his best friend and had been ever since they met in the Academy for Agriculture, Business and Science.  He majored in business while Bassanio took science."It has to do with Portia."  Bassanio sat down at a low table, picked up a scalpel and chopped up a brown weedy material know as pipeweed, a mild hallucinogenic, into small bits.  "I need money to get her hand in marriage."Antonio's heart skipped a beat at the mention of her name.  "I thought you two were in love.  You need to woo her some more?""Portia loves me and has agreed to marry me whenever her father gives permission.  I need a loan so I can woo the old geezer.  He suspects I'm irresponsible.""He suspects?  The man must be a lack-wit."  Antonio smiled.  "Everyone in town knows you're irresponsible.""Very funny."  Bassanio made a face while he massaged his forehead with one hand and continued cutting the pipeweed with the other."You must have drunk a lot of wine last night developing this plan.""Wine loosens the brain cells and encourages innovative thinking."  He scraped a pile of small brown bits into a straight line.  "So, can you lend me three thousand silver pennies?""What?  It'll take me years to sell that much venison.  I'll have to take out a loan.  Why so much?""You know Portia's old man is filthy rich.  It'll take lots of money to impress him.  I can pay you back right after we marry.  That'll be in three months at the longest."  He took a thin glass tube out of his pocket and lined it up with the brown bits."What are you doing?""Smoking pipeweed can ease the effects of a hangover, but that is inefficient.  First, you have to find a pipe and then you need to light it and it takes time for the smoke to have an impact.  I'm investigating a new approach.  One that will accelerate the effects."Antonio made a face and shook his head.  Bassanio never stopped his experiments into new ways to get high or to mitigate the aftereffects of the high.  Someday, one of his experiments would end up killing him.  His eyebrows still hadn't completely grown back since one recent experiment ended in spectacular fashion and involved every fireman in the city.Bassanio put an end of the tube in one nostril, stopped the other nostril with a finger pressed to the outside.  He inhaled the chopped pipeweed.  He gagged and dropped the tube.  His eyes opened wide and his face turned red.  After a few unsuccessful tries, he sneezed so violently that he and the chair tumbled backwards and crashed to the floor.  After righting the chair, he sat down again, coughing and wiping his running nose."I guess," Antonio said, "there's a reason they call it pipeweed and not snortweed."Bassanio groaned.  "Once I marry Portia, I'll hire an assistant to do this part of the experiments."  After another coughing and sneezing fit, he said, "So what about the money?  I can't get a loan, but I'm sure you can.""I hate going to a money lender, but I'll have to.  Are you sure you can pay me back in three months?""Not a problem."  Bassanio waved a hand dismissively.  "I'll pay you back long before then."Read more: Tales From Gundarland

Alien Sex!

Have you ever wondered how aliens Do It?
Wonder no  more.  My novel Zaftan Miscreants has an erotic sex scene in it.  Between 2 hideous aliens.  Guaranteed to make you gag. Or laugh. Or both. One of the participants is my heroine, Klatze, pictured here.

If that isn't enough for you, there is also a sex scene between an android and a ship's main computer.

Zaftan Miscreants, part of my Strange Worlds.