Pat Bertram's Blog, page 311

Grief Update

It's been three weeks since my lifemate died. I feel as if I am in an emotional whirlpool, spinning round and round, never quite knowing where I am or where I am going. I have days of relative calm where I can be glad he is finally at peace, then something happens to remind me of  my loss, and grief pulls me under. Most recently, I was cleaning photos out of my computer when I came across an image of him I didn't know I had. (We did not take pictures of each other, so the only other photo I h...

Review of More Deaths Than One

I received the most wonderful review of More Deaths Than One from John Beck, who entitled it "Cover to Cover Intrigue." Beck said:

Pat Bertram grabbed my attention at the outset and didn't let go. The complex and intriguing plot is not difficult to follow, just impossible to predict. Characters are enigmatic but believable. Settings are appropriately described but not overly so. Each chapter begs for the next to be read without ending each chapter with a "teaser". Romance is steamy but...

A New Form of Kidnapping?

I recieved a much forwarded email entitled "A New Form of Kidnapping". Supposedly, a woman finished shopping, went out to her car and discovered that she had a flat. She got the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat. A nice-looking man dressed in a business suit and carrying a briefcase walked up to her and said, 'I notice you're changing a flat tire. Would you like me to take care of it for you?'

The woman was grateful for his offer and accepted his help. They chatted amiably...

Baby Steps

I've heard that the death of a mate and the ensuing grief change a person, and perhaps this is true. If one is part of a couple, when he dies, so does the "we." One cannot be the same after such a splitting apart. The world one lives in cannot be the same.

I feel like a toddler, taking shaky steps in this newly alien and dangerous world. I exercised this morning, took my vitamins with a protein drink, wrote a letter to my deceased mate (the only writing besides blogging I am doing at the...

What to Say to Someone Who is Grieving

I mentioned to a friend that, after receiving notification of my mate's death, few people from a certain online group sent an acknowledgement, and she said perhaps it was because they did not know what to say. This is probably true. Most comments posted to me on the various threads began with: "I don't know what to say."  Of course, being writers, these people followed that statement with very touching responses, but I also received touching remarks from non-writers. To be honest, all...

I've heard that death and grief change a person, and perh...

I've heard that death and grief change a person, and perhaps this is true. If one is part of a couple, when he dies, so does the "we." One cannot be the same after such a splitting apart.

The Next Big Step

Yesterday when I was out walking, I finally got a sense of where my WIP needed to go. I wasn't thinking about the story, but apparently it was thinking about me, and after all this time, there it was, the next big step. Grief. (Wonder where that idea came from!)

I always knew my hero was grieving the loss of the civilized world and everything in it, but I was concerned with his following the stages of grief — denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. It dawned on me yesterday t...

Live Chat About Writing

I have a chat group on Gather.com that meets  on Thursday at 9:00pm ET. This week (April 8, 2010) we will be meeting here: No Whine, Just Champagne Writing Discussion #105.

I missed the discussions the past couple of weeks. I always enjoy talking about writing even if I'm not actively involved in the pursuit of words, perfect or otherwise.

So, let's talk. If you can't attend the live discussion, feel free to discuss your writing here. As I said, I always enjoy talking about writing.

What have...

Death For Dummies

I've learned a lot about death recently. Well, not death exactly – only those who have died can know what death is – but I have learned way more than I want to know about the practicalities and obligations of those who are left behind. I considered writing a manual, sort of a Death for Dummies, then I realized when a person is caught in that horror, the last thing one wants to do is read a how-to-guide. Besides, one learns soon enough what needs to be done.

One thing that came as a surprise...

Searching For Happy Memories

I've been searching for happy memories to take the edge off the memory of watching my lifemate die so painfully, and one I've been thinking about a lot lately is a day I visited him at the store he owned. We spent hours talking — about life, books, history,  moving from one topic to another as easily as if we'd known each other a lifetime instead of just a few months – and then he walked me outside. This is the poem I wrote when I got home that night:

you turned around
and waved to me
after we s...