Pat Bertram's Blog, page 309

Wisdom of the Wombats

I belong to an online group called The Writin' Wombats – a convivial group of writers, readers and critics supporting each others' work and sharing news, gossip, rants and triumphs. (You can join, too. Everyone is welcome.) The Wombats have been supportive of me in my grief, encouraging me with wise words and virtual hugs. I would like to share with you a comment one of the Wombats left for me on the last thread. It helped me, and perhaps it will help others who are also grieving the loss of ...

Staying in the Moment

I'm mostly doing okay, though it's going to take a long time to get used to living without my life mate. I keep thinking that I've been good about dealing with all I've had to deal with, so now it's time to go home to him. I'm not sure what will be worse, still feeling that I can go home, or how I will feel when I get to the point where I know deep down that I can't ever go home. Maybe by that time I'll find my home within myself, but I am a long way from there yet. I am going through the...

Twelve Lonely Weeks

It's been twelve weeks since my life mate died – twelve lonely weeks that I've spent wishing he were here, wishing that we had our life back, wishing that he hadn't been sick so mcuh.

I'm beginning to understand, though, that to wish things were different is to negate the wisdom, courage, and determination with which he faced his life and death. Until the very end when he was imprisoned in bed by drugs (they did not know how else to handle his terminal restlessness – the restlessness that...

Making Sure Our Novels Are Worth Reading

I've been reading a lot lately. It's what I do when I am convalescing or when I feel like pampering myself, and right now I feel like I'm doing both. I haven't read anything particularly good or particularly bad, but reading is like breathing to me, so it doesn't really matter.

One of the books captured my interest, though, mostly because it reminded me of my novel, More Deaths Than One. It had many of the same elements as my story: both books dealt with people who'd been given false...

The Long and Winding Road of Grief

The problem with grief (not counting the primary problem of having lost a loved one) is that so many emotions attack you all at once that you feel you can never get a grip. And then, for no fathomable reason, you hit an emotional trough where you feel nothing, and you begin to think that you can handle your grief, and then pow! Out of nowhere, it returns and slams you in the gut.

I was never a wildly emotional person, but now I am buffeted by more different emotions in a single day than I...

Surprised By Life

I have relocated, and am now staying with my 93-year-old father. We're muddling on okay together, we two virtual hermits who have lost our mates. He keeps to his schedule, and I keep to mine, though my schedule is less structured than his. I try to take a walk most days, and I bring my camera with me to see capture whatever beauty I might see. It's a practice I started a couple of years ago to help me with my writing, a way to replenish my creative wells.

I had forgotten that this valley...

Yes. I Can.

It seems as if it's been a lifetime since I wrote an article for this blog, and perhaps it has been. I thought my move away from the house I lived for the past two decades with my life mate would be the start of a life change — a real journey. I expected to be different at the end of my trip to my new location than I was at the beginning, but in truth, the change had already begun.

During these past months, I've had so much thrown at me that I was overwhelmed. First my mate's death, then...

Tempest Tossed

I'm going to be without the internet for a couple of weeks, so don't worry if I don't post for a while.

I'd always planned to follow the conventional wisdom and not move for at least a year after my life mate died, but here I am, two months into my grief, and I am moving — not by choice, but circumstance. Right now I'm rattling around in an empty house, filling it with tears. Though I'm mostly moved and packed and the house cleaned, I am not ready to go — it is way too soon. But even if I...

I Am a Two-Month Grief Survivor

I have now survived two months without my life mate — not easily and not well, but I have managed to get through all those days, hours, minutes. The absolute worst day, though, was last Thursday. You would think it would have been the day he died, but that was a sadly inevitable day, one I actually had looked forward to. He'd been sick for so long and in such pain, that I was glad he finally let go and drifted away. After he died, I kissed him goodbye then went to get the nurse, who...

Misconceptions About Grief

I attended the grief support group today, my sixth time for that particular group, but I'll need to find another group when I get relocated. It's good to be able to talk about my grief and my lost mate without fear of boring people. And I am beginning to fear that very thing. It seems as if I'm standing in place while the rest of the world moves on, which adds to my feeling of isolation. I had no problem talking or blogging about my grief at the beginning — it was new to me and to those I...