Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 162

“The Sound of Silence” revisited

The school day was finished. I sat down at my desk to correct a few remaining assignments when I looked up and saw this:

The original note, found last week after losing a series of competitions to my class, affixed to my clipboard of class rosters.

Just where I left it.

Below it, a new note.

The most impressive part of the whole thing is my students’ ability to just leave these notes behind without saying a word. Allowing the prank to play out without the benefit of watching it happen.

I know adults who lack this level of restraint.

Also, based upon the handwriting, it’s a different student this time.

They’re tag-teaming me now.

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Make a Wish founder had a very interesting, storyworthy life

In the spirit of celebrating people who make things, I give you, Frank Shankwitz, former motorcycle cop, near-death survivor, veteran of the United States Air Force, kidnapping victim, and Founder of Make-a-Wish.

Shankwitz died back in February at the age of 77.

Shankwitz founded Make-a-Wish after meeting Chris Greicius, a seven year-old boy with end-stage leukemia who wanted to be a motorcycle cop when he grew up, just like Ponch and Jon, the main characters on his favorite television show, CHiPs.

Shankwitz, an Arizona Highway Patrol officer at the time, alongside his police department, made that dream come true days before the boy’s death.

He launched Make-a-Wish shortly thereafter.

But this is only part of the amazing story of Shankwitz’s life. The New York Times published an obituary that I suggest you stop and read right now.

It won’t take long, and you’ll be so glad you did.

A $10 gift changed my life

There are a lot of wonderful things about playing golf:

The relentless challenge. The unknown that every swing can bring. The friendships forged and fostered while walking the course. The bounty of memories that you can make with each passing step.

The competition. The teasing. The laughs.

But there is also the beauty. The sky overhead. The green below. The passing of seasons. Time spent with your boy amidst this beauty.

Years ago, my friend, Tom, bought a set of $10 irons from a yard sale, wrapped them in a single red ribbon, and tossed them into the back of my truck on a snowy, winter day.

He wanted me to play golf, even though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to play.

Many years later, I get days like this. Over and over and over again.

It’s hard to choose the best gift that I’ve ever been given, but that $10 set of irons, later supplemented by a $1 putter, is certainly near the top of the list. It’s rare in this life when a gift can truly change your life forever and result in a multitude of days like these.

golf

Hello darkness my old friend

My students defeated me in a competition last week.

It was a victory in a long series of victories that they have recently been enjoying.

It’s quite annoying.

I grumbled and growled as we re-entered the school to get back to work. A couple minutes later, with everyone working, I sat down at my desk and found this pos-it note affixed to my desk.

You know that you’re dealing with an extraordinary group of children when they find a way to use the lyrics from a 57 year old Simon & Garfunkel song against you.

 

Let’s not talk about body ailments and other things. Okay?

This comedian’s prediction of “every conversation for the next three months” is unfortunately accurate.

Perfectly accurate, I dare say. Terribly accurate.

I’ve already experienced a little bit of this, so please, let’s not.

“What vaccine did you get?”

Who cares? Does my answer make a difference? Why do you need to know? Will the name of the pharmaceutical company that manufactured the life-saving medication that I received make any difference to you, me, or our subsequent conversation?

Asking me about my kids expresses interest in my life and my loved ones.

Asking me about my weekend invites a story.

Asking me how I’m doing demonstrates empathy and concern.

Asking me about the brand of vaccine I received solicits my personal medical information.

That’s weird. Even worse, it’s boring.

“Did you have any symptoms or side effects?”

Again, who cares? In fact, let’s not talk about side effects at all lest we find ourselves in the company of someone with vaccine hesitancy. Don’t give anyone an excuse to avoid the shot.

Also, who cares if you experienced a headache or chills or body aches for a day or two after the shot? Not only is this information utterly irrelevant, but it’s the tiniest price to pay for protecting oneself from a disease that has killed more than half a million Americans.

I’ve been asked this specific question by several people already, and my instinct has been to dodge it completely. When asked if I experienced any symptoms after my vaccine, I’ve said, “I was fine,” and attempted to move on.

Is that true?

Not exactly, but who cares? I don’t want to talk about headaches and the chills. I don’t want my conversational plate filled with mentions of fleeting, irrelevant ailments from weeks ago.

I used to work with a woman who would leave the room when someone started complaining about their recent bout with the flu or their nagging tennis elbow. She’s stand up and walk right out.

“I don’t want to hear about body ailments,” she would say.

I always admired that.

If this comedian is correct (and I think he is), your life will be awash in vaccine talk for the next three months. It will be unavoidable.

But perhaps you can avoid the topic yourself. I have yet to ask a single human being what vaccine they have received, nor have I inquired about anyone’s post-shot symptoms except Elysha.

Maybe you could do the same. Be less pedestrian. Be more interesting.

Help to make the world a less repetitive place. And perhaps a less medically intrusive place. A less HIPAA compliant place.

Also, and most important, get vaccinated. As soon as possible. Make the world a safer, healthier, place for yourself and everyone around you.

Yes, it’s bad

There are people in the United States who believe that the pandemic isn’t real. Others argue that the pandemic hasn’t been as dangerous and devastating as the media, public health officials, and some politicians have portrayed.

There are lots of reasons for this.

Not knowing anyone who has been hospitalized or has died from COVID-19 makes some people incapable of believing it real. Even if they believe that 580,000 Americans have died from the disease so far, this number seems to have no impact on them at all.

Just a number, unattached to any actual human beings who they know, so it can’t be that bad.

These people probably lack empathy for anyone who they can’t see or know.

For others, it’s convenient to reject the pandemic’s seriousness. Their business is suffering or they’ve lost their job, so anger, desperation, and/or selfishness causes them to reject the guidance from public health officials in favor of their own economic interests.

For others, they are simply following the edicts of their political overlords. Incapable or unwilling to discern fact from fiction, they simply adhere to the message of their tribal leaders rather than looking to science, public health, or their own doctors for answers.

“Sheep” is an excellent way of describing these people.

Some simply don’t like wearing masks. Or despise the social distancing that keeps them from spending time in the crowded places they once loved.

We all don’t like wearing masks, and we all despise the demands of social distancing, of course. These people are just selfish, spineless weaklings, incapable of making sacrifices for the greater good.  Sort of the opposite of the Greatest Generation.  Pathetic human beings incapable of delaying gratification, thinking about others, or acting for the common good.

For these and many other reasons, a certain segment of our society have rejected the realities of the pandemic and may never accept it as real unless and until they are hospitalized themselves or a close friend or relative dies from the disease.

Even then, they may still choose ignorance, selfishness, and blind allegiance over reality.

But if there is someone in your life on the fence, uncertain or perhaps willing to examine data, I thought these two graphs were especially compelling. Epidemiologists have determined that the surge in deaths in the United States from the pandemic created the largest gap between the actual and expected death rate ever in 2020 — what epidemiologists call “excess deaths,” or deaths above normal.

The visualization is quite stunning.

Similar results can be found in other countries around the world, but the gap between actual and expected death isn’t nearly as large in most other countries because they have managed the pandemic using data, logic, the recommendations of public health officials, and courage.

Their leaders were not comparing COVID-19 to the flu while privately acknowledging the dangers of the disease to Bob Woodward. Their leaders weren’t claiming that it would simply go away by April. Or that bleach or UV light might do the trick. Or that their country should reopen by Easter. Or that there was too much testing. Their leaders weren’t refusing to wear a mask. They weren’t holding rallies in packed stadiums in the summer.

The gap between actual and expected deaths in the United States is enormous. Many, many Americans died unnecessarily.

Thankfully, the United States leads the world in vaccination rates. Despite vaccine hesitancy and the foolish conspiracy theories of anti-vaxxers, Americans are getting vaccinated by the millions every day.

In my home state of Connecticut, nearly 70% of all adults have received at least one dose of the vaccine already. Five of the six New England states lead the nation in vaccination rates, with New Jersey and New York in the top 10.

It’s getting better every day. In some parts of the country, it’s getting much, much better.

But for those who deny the realities of the pandemic, the numbers don’t lie. They may not believe the scientists because of selfishness, stupidity, or convenience, or they may prefer to follow their ignorant, deceitful tribal leaders, but these number will continue to exist long after they are dead and buried alongside their stupid ideas.

The pandemic was real. It continues to be real. History will record it as real, regardless of what anyone might be claiming today.

I met the devil. So, too, did Harrison Ford.

Back in the spring of 2015, I performed in my first Moth Ball, The Moth’s annual charity event to fund their education programs throughout the year. As a GrandSLAM champion that year, I took the stage and told a 90-second version of my GrandSLAM winning story.

Later in the night, as the dancing began, a Moth staffer asked me to return to the dining room for a meet-and-greet with a donor. Elysha told me that she would go use the restroom and meet up with me later, so off I went.

In the now empty dining room, I was paired with a writer from the New Yorker and told that the donor wanted me to tell my story again so he could record it with his phone.

I agreed, of course. Anyone willing to give to The Moth is okay in my book.

The donor was introduced to me as “David,” and as space was made for me to tell my story again, I made small talk with David.

“So,” I said, “Have you ever told a story onstage before?”

“Well,” he said. “I once did a TED Talk about holding my breath for 17 minutes.”

I stared at him. “Are you David Blaine?”

“No one told you?” he asked.

I felt very stupid.

Finally a space was cleared out and I re-told my story a couple of times as David Blaine held his phone out and the New Yorker reported looked on. When I was finished, David said, “Would you like to see a trick?”

The New Yorker reporter and I looked at each other, then back at David. “Absolutely.”

David Blaine then proceeded to take me on a journey that included me selecting a card from a deck, signing my name on that card in Sharpie, and ultimately finding that signed card inside my shoe, even though I had never removed my shoe at any point throughout the trick.

I couldn’t believe it. I was a honestly a little frightened.

When the New Yorker reporter asked me how I thought the the trick was done, I said, “I think he’s magic. I think David Blaine is the devil. It’s the only explanation.”

I still think that.

Then David told me that he might want to speak to me in the future. “I’ll give you my business card,” he said.

“Okay.”

“You already have it,” he said. “Left breast pocket.”

Low and behold, it was there, a playing card with his contact information hidden within the details of the card.

Elysha, of course, missed it all. She was in the restroom.

Recently David Blaine visited the home of Harrison Ford and performed a trick that was recorded and posted to YouTube.

I love this video.

Harrison Ford’s reaction to Blaine’s trick is perfect. It’s exactly how I felt that night at The Moth Ball.

Also, now that David Blaine has met Harrison Ford, my ability to play “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” with myself just expanded exponentially.

“Dress Like a Teacher” produced some unexpected comments

In honor of Teacher Appreciation Day, students in my school are invited to “Dress Like a Teacher” on Friday.

After the announcement was made over the intercom, I turned to my class and said, “So? What are you going to wear?”

There was a protracted moment of silence – unusual for my class – then one student finally said, “I guess I’ll just grab the first shirt off the clean pile of shirts, then I’ll grab the first pair of shorts off the clean pile of shorts, and even if they don’t match in any way, I’ll put them on.”

Another student told me that she’ll need to find a way to dress less professionally than she usually does for a a school day. “It’s weird,” she said. “But I think I’ll need to dress down.”

Another said, “I’m not dressing like you. I care what I look like.”

Still one more said, “If you actually dressed like a real teacher, Friday might be fun. Can I dress like the other teachers instead?”

The good news here:

I clearly have a unique style of my own, and it appears to be universally understood.

I knew it! Fish sticks rule.

Did you know that the humble fish stick is, surprisingly, one of the most sustainable things you can eat?

The beloved fish sticks, often relegated to the plates of small children, is sourced from well-managed Alaska Pollock fisheries and poses as minimal a climate impact as one could ever hope for:

A kilogram of fish sticks produces 1.3 kilograms of carbon dioxide, compared to beef which is more than 100 times that number.

The growing and harvesting of many vegetables produce more carbon dioxide than the fish stick.

This is great news because I love fish sticks. They are one of my favorite fish foods.

I also love it when a food despised by snobs is found to be better than expected in many ways.

Similarly, I take great pleasure on listening to people sing the praises of lobster, knowing that their love for this crustacean is the result of their birthday more than anything else.

If you like lobster and consider it a delicacy, consider this:

You’re eating an animal formerly relegated to the role of fertilizer.

When Europeans landed in North America, they wrote that lobsters were so plentiful that they would pile up on the shores of Massachusetts in heaps.

The colonists referred to lobsters as the “cockroaches of the sea.”

Both Europeans and Native Americans despised lobsters so much that they were commonly used as fertilizer and fish bait. When not being used to grow crops and catch better fish, they were fed to incarcerated and enslaved people as a way of saving money.

Contracts at the time actually stipulated that servants could only be served lobster twice a week.

Americans hated lobster.

American opinion on lobster did not change for more than 250 years. Then, in the mid-1800’s, the ability to preserve food in cans, combined with the railroad, allowed Americans in the midwest to purchase canned lobster for the first time. Since it was coming from far away (and thus exotic) and was exceedingly cheap (because it was plentiful), it quickly became the most popular canned food available.

As tourists from the midwest made their way east to the New England shoreline on vacation, they began asking for fresh lobster. New Englanders saw an opportunity and began serving lobster as a New England delicacy. Then, as lobster became more and more scarce and prices increased, Americans even on the east coast began to view lobster as something special.

Scarcity and price changed the way Americas felt about the taste of lobster.

When lobster was cheap and easily available, human begins despised it as a food source. Native Americans occupied New England for tens of thousands of years and never stopped hating lobster. Europeans despised lobster for more than 250 years before eventually changing their opinion when the economics and availability of lobster changed.

It was only when lobster became exotic, expensive, and scarce that it became a delicacy.

If you like lobster, you like it because of when you were born. Had you been born in 1635 or 1750 or 1865, you would hate lobster as much as the colonists and Native Americans did at the time.

But you were born after 1900, when technology and scarcity – not taste – changed the way Americans felt about lobster.

You enjoy lobster because of your birthday.

For the record, I don’t hate lobster. It’s fine, but I don’t find it tasty enough to warrant the expense and effort required to obtain a meat that most people submerge in butter before eating.

If you need to submerge the food you’re eating in melted butter, it’s probably an indication that it’s not nearly as good as you think.

Still, enjoy! I’m not judging. Simply applying a little logic to commonly held perceptions.

Similarly, I don’t like Thai food.

But I’m objective enough to know had I been born and raised in Thailand, I would probably enjoy Thai food very much. My dislike for Thai food is very real, but I’m also willing to admit that had I grown up in Bangkok, I would likely feel differently.

I would probably love Thai food.

For me, my dislike for Thai food is the result of my birthplace.

Not unlike enjoying lobster as a result of your birthday.

But the mighty fish stick?

Fish sticks (and their many variations) are enjoyed by both children and adults in a many countries around the world.

First created in 1953 and now consumed worldwide.

Objectively delicious.

 

Clara threatens murder. I’m impressed.

Around midnight on Saturday, I step into my closet as I brush my teeth before bed. Sticking out between two pairs of sweatpants is a tiny slip of paper with a message in Clara’s handwriting:

“Look under your pillow.”

I smile. She’s been bragging about the pranks that she’s been planning for me, so at last they have begun.

I finish brushing my teeth, walk over to the bed, and lift my pillow. I find a similar scrap of paper with a different message:

‘Don’t go to sleep.”

The message is followed by a face with an X for each eye, signifying a dead person.

My daughter has warned me that if I go to sleep, I will die.

A few thoughts race through my mind:

As a person with post traumatic stress disorder, it is not uncommon for me to dream about the armed robbery that resulted in my PTSD. Though these nightmares don’t ever kill me, I’ve told Elysha that I spend many nights “trying to stay alive as people try to kill me again and again.” So this note isn’t as far off as Clara might think.My daughter’s prank involves a threat of physical violence. A little surprising coming from a child who wouldn’t hurt a flea.I can’t believe she set all this up then went to bed. Most kids (and many adults) would need to immediately draw my attention to the prank, unable to delay gratification.

Staring at this note, I was so impressed.

The next morning, I told Clara how impressed I was with her prank, even if it threatened murder.

“But how did you set that up and go to bed?” I asked. “Most kids would want to watch me find the notes.”

“You taught me,” she said. “You taught me that the best pranks can’t always happen when you’re watching. You just need to know it’s going to happen.”

I taught her.

Nothing made me happier that day.