Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 165

Elysha on social media

My wife, Elysha, is clever and funny. Legitimately so.

It might be her most attractive quality.

Actually, her most attractive quality is probably the way she dances. She and I danced in the kitchen two nights ago while she was cooking dinner, and it might’ve been my favorite moment so far in 2020.

Sorry you missed it.

Still, she’s quite clever and funny, and I adore this about her.

She’s especially amusing and occasionally biting on social media - brilliantly so - but since she doesn’t use Twitter or Instagram, nor does she friend just anyone on Facebook, the world is not privy to her online humor, wit, and occasionally sharp criticism.

So over the last two weeks, I’ve collected some of her comments on Facebook, and I offer them, along with associated photographs, here, for your enjoyment.

___________________________________________________

I just taught Clara the phrase “tough titties,” so things are effectively devolving around here.

Listening to Hamilton and feeling pretty inferior. Eliza Hamilton was teaching her kids piano and French, and also apparently how to rap. I am baking cookies and ignoring my children.

It occurred to me this evening that our current situation has, for now, eliminated my anxiety about mass shootings and school shootings. I think it's a pretty sad state of things in this country that it takes a pandemic to feel safe from being shot.

Indoctrinating Clara into my two religions: Judaism and Foodieism.

New pandemic level unlocked: At home haircut.

From your teacher friend, me: A great reminder about what’s important right now. This needs to be our collective mantra. And I think it’s worth adding that we need to remember to show ourselves this grace, as well. H/T to our awesome school psychologist, Cora Sharp Fuss, for sharing this tonight.

We are on a hike up Mount Carmel. One thing that is very apparent is that I’m not physically fit enough for an apocalypse.

I’m hoping this doesn’t apply to any of you, but if the term “Chinese Virus” seems ok to you in any way, please unfriend me right now. On Facebook and also in real life. (Once real life begins again.)

The dogs of America are really coming out ahead.

After 17 days of nonstop research I can say without reservation that there is nothing louder than a 7 year old boy who has been cooped up at home. Good thing he's cute.

Matthew Dicks and I brought home lots of resources from our classrooms to keep Clara and Charlie busy while we hunker down. I brought math games. He brought this:

For the record, I stand by my choice of The Donner Party. Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and I don’t think getting trapped in the frozen wilderness and being forced to dine on deceased companions should be anything someone should be forced to do again.

Your meeting or workshop begins with a list of goals? Examine them carefully.

It’s become quite popular for meeting facilitators, presenters, professional development administrators, and the like to begin their meetings, workshops, and sessions with these two elements:

Norms

Goals

Neither one of these elements inspire me with confidence.

Yesterday I wrote about my problems with norms. Today I’ll address my issues with goals, sometimes expressed as objective, learning targets, or (worst of all) intentions.

My problem with goals is far less simpler than that of norms. In general, defining the goals or objectives at the onset of a meeting or workshop is not a terrible idea. It’s probably not necessary if the speaker or facilitator is skilled and engaging, but it’s not automatically a mistake to outline your goals to the audience.

The problem is with the goals themselves. So often they suck. The workshop might be scheduled for 45 minutes, but when the goals are stated, I’m appalled. I find myself thinking, “This goal could be achieved in 10 minutes” or “That goal could’ve been accomplished via email” or “I don’t want to achieve this stupid goal.”

Worst of all, “I don’t even know what that goal means.”

If you’re going to establish goals for a meeting, make them worthy of the audience’s time. Make the people sitting before you believe that there is great value in your presentation. Excite them about what they are about to learn.

For example, I teach storytelling workshops for beginners several times a year. Listed at the top of every agenda is a set of goals for the day, specifically designed to reassure nervous students that they will not be required to speak except to tell me their name and the reason they decided to attend the workshop.

For many people, public speaking is terrifying. My beginner’s level workshops are designed to provide a solid foundation in storytelling without the fear of having to perform. I think it’s important to reinforce this notion before we get started, in order to relieve any anxiety that someone might be feeling.

But since I’m presenting goals at the beginning of the workshop, I establish lofty goals. Goals that the average audience member can embrace. Goals that set a high bar for myself and the content that I am about to deliver.

Here is my list:

You’ll laugh.

You’ll be entertained.

You won’t need to speak a word if you don’t want.

You’ll be a better storyteller by the end of the day.

You’ll be given lots of breaks.

You’ll find stories in your life that you’ve never noticed before.

You’ll probably be one of the best storytellers in your social circle by the end of the day.

You’ll have clear, simple, easily implemented strategies to improve your personal and professional communication and help you find and tell better stories.

Please note how my goals don’t seek to broaden understanding, increase capacity, elevate skill level, unpack content, improve synergy, or enhance collaboration.

No one has ever been inspired by these goals.

Those may actually be some of the goals of your meeting, seminar, or workshop, but they will mean nothing to the people sitting in front of you.

Even worse, they might just depress or annoy them.

If you’re going to establish goals at the onset of your meeting, seminar, or workshop, make them the kind of goals that will excite and inspire people.

If those goals don’t exist, cancel the meeting. Refund the workshop. Rethink your professional development.

Or just don’t list any goals.

It’s better to say nothing than to aggressively un-inspire your audience.

Your meeting or workshop begins with a set of norms? Be afraid.

It’s become quite popular for meeting facilitators, presenters, professional development administrators, and the like to begin their meetings, workshops, and sessions with these two elements:

Norms

Goals

Neither one of these elements inspire me with confidence.

I’ll address the establishment of goals tomorrow, but today, allow me to deal with the insidious rise of norms, which are by far the worst of the two.

Norms (sometimes referred to as ground rules) are strange. To begin your presentation with behavioral guidelines might just be the stupidest way to engage your audience and get them excited about your content. In fact, I would argue that establishing norms at the onset of a meeting is an excellent way to undermine the norms of your meeting, for obvious reasons:

Launching your meeting with the assumption that grown-ass adults don’t know how to behave is an excellent way to make your audience hate you, and it’s the worst way to gain your audience’s respect, trust, and attention.

You’re almost begging your audience to despise you and ignore you.

As I see it, there are only two possible reasons for establishing norms at the onset of a meeting:

1. The meeting is filled with terrible human beings who don’t know how to behave in a professional setting, so the person who is leading this meeting thinks that providing these savages with rules of conduct will somehow improve their behavior.

This, of course, makes know sense.

If the audiences is filled with savages, they are savages for a reason. They don’t adhere to rules and expectations. Proffering a set of norms will not make them any less savage. I know this for certain because I am the kind of person who rejects nonsense rules all the time.

Some might even consider me a savage.

Lists of rules work really well for rule followers, but rule followers will not be the problem during a presentation. They already know the norms. They even like the norms. They feel safe in a space governed by decorum.

It’s the savages who can’t follow the rules, but your norms will not suddenly transform them into rule followers. Savages are not made civil by a PowerPoint slide explaining the expectations of the day.

PowerPoint has never made anyone do anything.

But here’s some good news. More than likely, the audience is not filled with terrible people. This almost never happens. Rather, the need for norms probably has less to do with the people in the room and more to do with the person offering the norms.

In this case, the implications are clear:

2. The person leading this meeting or workshop already knows that their presentation sucks. Or they know - probably through experience - that they are incapable of engaging an audience. Or perhaps they lack the confidence or skill to address issues that might arise during their presentation.

Probably some awful combination of all three.

In this case, the establishment of norms represents some desperate attempt by the presenter to impose a set of expectations on the audience in a ridiculous attempt to compensate for their inability to do the job.

“If everyone sits quietly, stays off their devices, and participates when appropriate, maybe no one will notice how much I suck at delivering content. Or how pointless and uninspiring this content is. Or how terrified I am to be standing here today.”

Again, probably some awful combination of all three.

But norms do not inspire people. The establishment of norms does not fill audiences with confidence. I have seen many great speakers in my time. I have attended some truly inspiring workshops. I’ve even attended some engaging, informative, and even entertaining meetings.

None of these great speakers, outstanding presenters, or engaging orators needed to establish norms at the onset of their presentation in order to be effective.

Not a single one.

Probably because these purveyors of content and inspiration know that telling grown-ass people how to behave is a prickish, asinine, and counter-productive.

It’s also possible that the use of norms have become an institutional expectation. A directive from some stupid person at the top. But even then, the establishment of norms is still stupid because the most effective and engaging speakers would forgo this dumbass directive, make light of it, use the requirement of norms as comic relief, or at least skirt by the stupidity as quickly as possible.

I know I I would. Most confident, effective, inspiring speakers would.

The message here is clear:

When you are faced with norms at the onset of a meeting or workshop of any kind, be afraid. Be very afraid. Something has gone terrible wrong. You are either sitting among heathens who can’t behave properly in a professional setting, or more likely, you are about to receive useless, uninspiring content from an ineffective, under-confident, uninspiring speaker.

If you’re like me, this is your signal to fine some way to be productive while the world around you grinds to a halt.

A terrible or pointless presentation is no excuse for not getting something done.

Eyes wide open

These are long, hard days for so many of us.

May I suggest that you pay close attention to the moments of beauty and joy in your life right now and hold onto them with everything you’ve got?

Admittedly, I’m blessed with two hilarious and delightful children and a wife who I want to spend every waking and sleeping moment with anyway, but I’m also focused on everything else I can find:

The hawk I saw circling a cul-de-sac yesterday afternoon during my bike ride

The three ducks and two geese who almost always visit us when we walk down to the brook

The father and son who play catch on the church lawn almost every day

The appearance of the sun after days of overcast skies

The smile and eternal optimism of my neighbor as he shouts a hello to me from his stoop

The crocuses pushing their way through the dry leaves on Briarwood Road

The rainbows drawings popping up in windows around town

The pink buds appearing on tree limbs

I’m not blind to the reality of the moment. I probably read and watch more news than most, and I’m constantly engaging with Trump’s Twitter feed.

Having been one of the two dozen Americans who sued Trump and won, forcing him to unblock me on Twitter, I feel obligated to engage. The Knight Foundation spent a lot of money on my behalf, so I owe it to them to make the most of their investment by exercising my right of free speech.

I’m well aware of the dire straights that we face. I know people suffering with COVID-19, and this week, I mailed my first condolence card to a friend.

But amidst all of that, I force my eyes to find beauty, and when I can, I capture that beauty with photographs.

2020 will not be the year of the pandemic for me. The pandemic will be a part of my memory of this time, for sure, but it will also be the year I rediscovered my bike. Learned to cook for my family. Watched every Marvel movie for the first time alongside Charlie and Elysha. Wrote a book. Maybe two.

This will be the year I watched and listened to my kids more than ever before. The year that Elysha and I picked each other up and held each other together when things got tough. The year when crocuses bloomed in March and hawks circled overhead in cloudless skies and a small family of ducks found the time to say hello to a small family of human beings who like to toss rocks into a brook and breathe fresh air and forget about the troubles of the world for a while.

I hope you can find as much beauty in these long, hard days.

Resolution update: March 2020

PERSONAL FITNESS

1. Don’t die.

This goal is more precarious now than ever before. But in response, we are now living in near-quarantine. On the rare occasion when I purchase food from the store, we place it in the garage for 3-5 days before washing and moving into the house, and I am nearly robotic in the grocery store, armed with Lysol wipes, hand sanitizer, and vigilance beyond compare.

Living with undiagnosed, untreated PTSD for decades turns out to be outstanding training when facing an invisible, deadly enemy. I’ve been engaged in a similar mental battle with forces beyond my control for most of my life.

I’m not messing around.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

Done! I lost seven more pounds in March for a total of 20 pounds in 2020.

Elysha told me not to mention this, since I know there is a lot of stress baking and stress eating going on right now, but I acknowledge all of my failures, of which there are many, so I get to acknowledge my successes, too.

Credit my rapid weight loss not to any crash diet or insane exercise regime, but instead to a few, simple switches in my life:

Avoidance of all vending machines

Zero candy bars in 2020

One cheeseburger per week

Healthy, low calorie lunches of oatmeal, fruit, and soup

Increased level of intensity while exercising, first at the gym and now during my daily bike rides

Identification of low calorie, much loved snacks

That’s it. Simple switches like boosting effort during the exercise I was already doing, avoiding high calorie foods that don’t fill you up, and finding the right snacks.

Simple switches. I believe in this strategy.

My job now is to maintain the 20 pound weight loss and lose another 20 pounds, which would bring me down to my high school pole vaulting weight.

Maybe unrealistic, but I lost 20 pounds in three months without much effort, so another 20 pounds in 9 months feels doable.

3. Eat at least three servings of fruits and/or vegetables per day, six days a week.

Done! Now that I’m eating all of my meals at home, this has become simple automatic. Tons of fruits and vegetables. A silver lining in this nightmare scenario.

4. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

Done.

Also, after learning about a 62 year-old man setting the new world record for a plank at more than 8 hours, I’ve begun extending my plank time. I did one 6-minute plank in February, and I’m doing 2-minute planks now regularly.

I had hoped to do a 10-minute plank by the end of March, but I’m not even close.

Unable to go to the gym anymore, I’ve also rediscovered my bike. I’m riding about 10 miles a day now, having only missed one day because of weather in the last two weeks.

I really love it. A lot. Another silver lining.

5. Set a new personal best in golf.

The golf courses were not open in March, both because of the weather and the pandemic.

WRITING CAREER

6. Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2020.

I met with my new editor, Alice, in February to confirm that she doesn’t think the next idea for my new novel is stupid, and she doesn’t. She seems to like it quite a bit, so it’s full steam ahead.

Also, I’m working on revising my first middle grade novel, too, so between my adult novel and my middle grade novel, I’m feeling good about finishing at least one of these books in 2020.

7. Write/complete at least five new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist. 

No progress. But it’s about time I get started.

8. Write a memoir.

Writing continues. Rather slowly.

9. Write a new screenplay.

This goal has transitioned into a musical (sort of a screenplay) that I am now writing and will perform with my friend, Kaia, despite the fact that I cannot sing.

This should be interesting.

10. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

Two pieces submitted in March. The first two pieces submitted so far in 2020.

Neither was accepted, but one was later accepted by the Hartford Courant and ran in the Op-Ed section on March 28.

11. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

None submitted in March. None submitted in 2020.

12. Select two behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

I’ve identified a behavior to try:

I’m going to read 50 Shades of Gray. I’ve always assumed that it’s a terrible book, but at a recent party, I listened to friends disparage this book (despite having never read it), which automatically made me want to defend the book based upon its commercial success and their hints of literary elitism.

I also have an oppositional disposition, so I almost instinctually take the opposing viewpoint in many situations. I’m a joy to be around.

I’ll start reading after I’m done with Elton John’s memoir.

Another behavior I’m considering:

Engaging in the weirdness of ASMR, but it might just be too stupid to try.

13. Increase my newsletter subscriber base to 5,000.

I added 57 subscribers in February for a total of 4,181.

I need to pick up the pace.

If you’d like to sign up for my newsletter, you can do so here:

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14. Write at least six letters to my father.

Three letters written to my father in March. Four written in total in 2020.

Also, my father wrote back to me this week. A much-needed bit of joy in the midst of these long, hard days.

15. Write 100 letters in 2020.

Eleven letters written in March, including my first letter of condolence to the family member of a COVID-19 victim.

Sadly, there will probably be more to come.

I also wrote letters to three grocery stores, one pharmacy, and my insurance company, thanking their employees for continuing to work through this time.

A total of 15 so far n 2020.

16. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.

No progress.

17. Complete and release my limited episode podcast on “Twenty-One Truths About Love.”

The podcast is nearly complete. Episodes with my editor, the cover designer, and more are ready to go. I need to record the first episode with Elysha and finish editing the last one and it will be ready to launch.

I may wait to launch the podcast in conjunction with the paperback release of my novel.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

18. Produce a total of 12 Speak Up storytelling events.

The cancellation of all shows through May and probably beyond will make this goal difficult to achieve. So far we have produced four shows in 2020. Zero shows in March.

On a side note, I’ve been performing in online storytelling shows in Boston, Australia, and Costa Rica, and New York, and I have an online solo show planned for April.

At some point we may begin producing our own online Speak Up shows, too, but we’re waiting a bit to allow people to get their footing in our new, albeit temporary existence.

19. Pitch myself to at least 5 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

I pitched myself to three TEDx events in March (and three so far in 2020):

TEDx Salem State University, TEDx Hartford, and TEDx Yale.

No word on any of them yet.

I also helped two clients get accepted to speak in TEDx events in 2020 ands 2021.

I was supposed to be speaking at a TEDx event in the Berkshires in April, but that event has been rescheduled for later in the year.

20. Attend at least 15 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I attended two Moth StorySLAMs in March and told a story in one, winning that slam. Three events so far in 2020.

Given that all Moth events have been cancelled in the foreseeable future, this goal is going to be much more challenging now.

21. Win at least three Moth StorySLAMs.

I won a Moth StorySLAM in March at Oberon in Boston. It was my first win in 2020 and my 48th Moth StorySLAM victory in all.

Given that all Moth events have been cancelled in the foreseeable future, this goal is going to be much more challenging now.

22. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

I completed in a Moth GrandSLAM in Boston in February and finished in second place.

Given that all Moth events have been cancelled in the foreseeable future, this goal is going to be much more challenging now.

23. Produce at least 40 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling. 

Elysha and I produced three new episodes in March (plus one rebroadcast).

A total of 11 new episodes in 2020.

Our latest dropped on Wednesday! Subscribe today!

24. Begin providing transcriptions of each episode of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast.

No progress.

25. Explore the monetization of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast.

DONE!

Our Patreon page is up and running, and so far 7 people have been kind enough to commit to a monthly contribution. In exchange for their commitment, they will be receiving bonus content on the Patreon page, including bonus episodes, additional workshop opportunities, and more.

Our first bit of bonus content - a conversation with storyteller Jeni Bonaldo - drops this week.

If you’d like to become a patron and support the work we do at Speak Up, click here.

26. Perform stand up at least six times in 2020. 

No performances in March and no performances in 2020.

Given the nature of the world, this goal is going to be much harder now.

27. Pitch at least three stories to This American Life.

No stories pitched in March. No stories pitched in 2020.

28. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

I sent a pitch to Marc and his producer back in February. One so far in 2020.

29. Produce at least one new video for my YouTube channel each month.

I posted four new videos in March consisting of the free storytelling workshops that I am conducting on Facebook Live. Every Wednesday at 3:00 EST. I then post the recordings of these sessions to my YouTube channel.

Six new videos in total in 2020.

Subscribe to my YouTube channel here.

30. Find a means of producing my storytelling instruction for an online platform.

I’ll be partnering with MOPCO Improv Theater on April 18 for an online storytelling workshop, and I’m developing a 6-week online workshop for storytellers, too. Ultimately I want to develop asynchronous offerings using recorded instruction, but this is an excellent start.

HOME

31. Print, hang, and/or display at least 25 prints, photos, or portraits in our home.

Art has arrived. The devices needed for hanging the art has arrived. Frankly, this is Elysha’s job now, but I’m confident that t will be done soon and well.

32. Replace the 12 ancient, energy-inefficient windows in our home with new windows that will keep the cold out and actually open in the warmer months.

Windows are purchased and ready to be installed. Unfortunately the pandemic is preventing new construction jobs from being started, so it may be a while before our windows are installed.

But we are oh so close…

33. Clear the basement. 

I’ve been taking advantage of my town’s free bulk pickup each week. Progress is slow but steady.

Incrementalism, people. Some jobs are best done through consistency and vigilance. Small progress results in big returns.

34. Refinish the hardwood floors.

This might be a problem. Hardwood floors require at least a few days to be completed, and we have cats. The cats will absolutely not stay with anyone else while the floors are being done, so what the hell are we going to do?

35. Purchase a new television.

Done! It’s large and beautiful and professionally mounted to the wall. THANK GOODNESS we did this early in the year. Our new couch, chair, television, and streaming services have been invaluable during this period of social distancing.

FAMILY/FRIENDS

36. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

I missed 0 days in March. I missed 12 days in 2020. Social distancing makes this job much easier.

37. Take at least one photo with Elysha and myself each week.

I missed two of the four weeks in March. I am simply not someone who ever thinks to take a selfie (defined as a photo of yourself, taken by yourself), so taking a photo of myself with someone else is also not instinctual.

I find the explosion of selfies in this world very disturbing.

But I’ll need to find a way to do better, because I want more photos of Elysha and myself.

38. Cook at least 12 good meals (averaging one per month) in 2020.

Done! I made 14 meals for the family in March alone, plus the one cooked in February. I prepared three Hello Fresh meals. Cooked a ham. Made a pasta dish. Made egg sandwiches and omelettes for breakfast.

This pandemic has done wonders for cooking skills.

39. Ride my bike with my kids at least 25 times in 2020.

Two rides with Charlie and Clara in March.

40. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

No progress.

41. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2017 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall. 

Done.   

42. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2020.

I bought tickets to Mike Birbiglia’s appearance in New Haven in May, hoping to surprise Elysha, but that surprise now seems unlikely.

So do I count that ruined surprise as a surprised?

I also sent Elysha a bouquet of flowers to her workplace on her birthday in January.

One or two surprises so far, depending on how I decide to credit myself.

43. Play poker at least six times in 2020.

My friends and I used a combination of a poker app, Zoom, and Venmo to spend an evening playing poker on a Saturday night.

Two games played so far in 2020.

44. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

No progress. We were supposed to working as DJ’s at two weddings in April, but they were both rescheduled for the fall.   

NEW PROJECTS

45. Understand Instagram better.

No progress. But a former student has offered to help.

46. Listen to new music via the Billboard Hot 100 Spotify playlist at least four times per month.

Done! We are listening to a lot of music right now.

I’m especially enjoying Billie Eilish, The Weekend (what a stupid name) and the new Lady Gaga song.

47. Host a fundraiser for RIP Medical Debt, which would allow us to relieve the medical debt of struggling Americans for pennies on the dollar.

No progress.

48. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

No progress.

49. Scan and send photos of Laura to her daughters.

No progress.

50. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

Done.

This is what a book should look like

In case you weren’t sure, authors actually love it when you deface their books like this reader has done to mine.

Unless you’ve borrowed the book from a library or a friend, the book is yours. Do with as you please!

Maybe not burn it, but even then, if an author has enraged you to such a degree, maybe burning is the only proper response.

Books are sacred, to be sure, but they are also meant to engage you. Inform you. Entertain you. Challenge you. There’s nothing wrong with arming yourself with a pen or a highlighter or a squadron of post-it notes and firing back.

Positively or negatively. Or perhaps just methodically, as the reader has done here.

I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed seeing these pictures.

The world looks very different atop a bike

About a month ago, I stopped going to the gym. Even before the gym was closed because of the pandemic, Elysha asked me to stop going, and I knew she was right.

I thought this would mean that I’d need to begin running again, which is not something I enjoy doing. My knee eventually starts to ache from prolonged periods of running, and it just isn’t any fun. I’ll run on a treadmill at the gym from time to time, alternating between it and the stationary bikes and various non-impact elliptical machines, but to run every day sounded miserable.

Then I remembered my bike.

I spent my childhood atop my black Huffy. I loved riding my bike, and I still do. I just don’t anymore. The kids are still on training wheels, so they can’t travel very far, and Elysha doesn’t enjoy riding in traffic.

But I thought my bike might be a suitable replacement for the gym.

That was an understatement.

I have fallen back in love with bike riding. I’m riding about 10 miles a day, up and down the streets and paths of my town, and I have discovered neighborhoods and oddities that I have never seen before. Nooks and crannies of our town that I’d never seen or bothered to notice before.

Every day that I ride, especially in the midst of this pandemic, I see something new. Things I’ve never seen before.

I drive by folks standing on the edge of driveways, engaged in loud conversations with neighbors still sitting on their stoops.

Fathers and sons play catch in the middle of empty streets as a Little League passes by, unplayed.

Pedestrians make wide arcs around one another, sometimes stepping off the sidewalk and into the street to keep their distance.

Someday I will look back on this time in our lives like an episode from the Twilight Zone, but today, it’s our new normal.

But I suspect that I will still be biking. Yes, I will no doubt return to the gym when it is safe, but I can’t imagine being foolish enough to stop biking again. A new, more comfortable seat would be good when the bike shop opens again, but until then, I’ll keep pedaling my sore ass up and down the streets of my town and the adjacent towns.

It’s a joyous way to spend an hour or two.

Just this week, I saw the following:

A Newington Public School security car covered in the flowers of appreciative students and parents.

One of those enormous chairs on the front lawn on someone’s home.

What is up with these ridiculous behemoths? Why do people put giant pieces of furniture on their lawns? It makes no sense. And adjoining hay bales?

This makes no sense.

While riding on a trail behind a church, I saw this “No Dumping” sign and thought, “Seriously? I can pay $100 and dump all of that extra furniture in my basement here? And the baby swings, too? That’s not a bad price at all.”

As I once explained to an irate librarian who wasn’t pleased about the length of time that my book was overdo, “A fine is simply the price that someone gets to pay to break a rule. It’s like a contract. I keep the book longer than it’s permitted, and I happily pay the predetermined fine. If you want me to return the book sooner, don’t make keeping it so affordable.”

She wasn’t happy with my rationale.

I won’t do it, of course, but dumping, at least in this particular spot, it very affordable.

I finished off an audiobook in the midst of my ride last week. I pulled over to the curb, opened my app, chose a new book, and hit play. Less than a minute later, I turned onto this street:

Elton Drive.

The book I had started listening to seconds before:

Me, a memoir by Elton John.

This is known as Coincidentalism, capitalized because it’s a religion, founded by myself about a year ago.

We currently have a congregation of three.

I’ll explain more later in the week, but for now, I saw that sign and thought, “Wow. Coincidentalism is at work in the world today.”

At least something is working.

How "The Goonies" altered my view on life forever

If you’re old enough, you remember the video stories of more than a decade ago. Many of us spent hours inside those stores, staring first at VHS boxes and then the DVD cases that lined the walls, looking for a film to brighten our television screens for a couple hours, and perhaps our lives, too.

I certainly wouldn’t want to return to the days when bringing a movie into your home meant a trip to the store in hopes that it might be available, but there was something fun about entering those stores and wandering around so much possibility.

While I was still in high school, about a year before I was hired by McDonald’s and started bringing home a steady paycheck, I rode my bike down to Video Galaxy on Main Street, adjacent to the Town Chef, in my hometown of Blackstone, Massachusetts. Using money that I had saved, I rented The Goonies, then I promptly lost the VHS tape.

I spent weeks trying to find that movie, afraid to tell my parents, as the late fees mounted. Eventually I determined that the movie was lost forever and called the store to ask how much it would cost if someone was ever stupid enough to lose a movie.

I don’t remember the exact figure, but it was well in excess of $100, which was an enormous sum of money for me at the time.

About $227 in today’s dollars, plus the late fees that had already accrued.

I panicked. I started searching all of the places that I had previously searched, feeling like I had just bankrupted my family. I obsessed over this movie, worrying constantly, feeling the weight of the increasing late fees piling up on my shoulders.

In my mind, this was the worst thing that I had ever done. My biggest problem ever. A dilemma of unfathomable proportions.

I was stressed for weeks. All thought about was that damn tape.

Finally, I went to mother on a Sunday night and confessed. I cried as I told her how much the video and late fees would cost our family, and I begged for forgiveness.

My mother was silent as I explained what had happened. She sat quiet and still.

When I finished explaining, she reach out and took my hands. Then she smiled and said, “Matt, we just won’t go to that video store ever again.”

I couldn’t believe it. In an instant, the clouds broke and sunshine finally streamed back into my world. In a single sentence, the worst problem of my life had been solved.

That moment changed me forever.

Thanks to an enormous pile of misfortunes, including being arrested, jailed, and tried for a crime I did not commit, a period of homelessness, robbery at gunpoint, decades of untreated PTSD, and two instances in which paramedics needed to use CPR to restore my heartbeat and respiration, I have an enormous amount of perspective on things today.

Most problems seem insignificant to me by comparison. I tend to be a person who does not worry very much and sees most problems as less troublesome than the people around me.

It can be irritating at times. I know. My nonchalance and cavalier attitude can be admittedly infuriating to someone looking for a little empathy. But perspective is a powerful force. It allows you to see things for what they really are and what they could be.

But oftentimes, in the face of trouble, it’s not my series of misfortunes that afford me the perspective to see past the storm and into the sunshine. It’s those simple words spoken by my mother that day:

“Matt, we just won’t go to that video store ever again.”

My mother taught me that solutions are oftentimes far simpler than we can imagine.

Also, breaking the rules (and perhaps a minor law or two) can often afford you a simple and expedient solution.

Surprisingly wise words from a woman who had much to worry about throughout her life and rarely stopped worrying herself.

If you’re feeling nostalgic for those video stores, I recommend these two short films which feature two of the last video stores on the planet

I’d also highly recommend the Twitter feed @loneblockbuster, which purports to be the Twitter feed from one of the last remaining Blockbuster video stores in the country.

It’s not, but it’s hilarious just the same.

The only Blockbuster still in existence can be found in Bend, Oregon. The NY Times did a piece on them a year ago.

Also a good read.

The Four Best Gifts

I celebrated my birthday last month.

It feels like one thousand years ago given the current state of the world.

I can be a difficult person when it comes to presents. I am much more interested in eliminating things from my life than adding to it. The accumulation of stuff does not interest me. In fact, if someone would just agree to clear out the the extra furniture from my basement or the toys that my kids don’t touch but claim to adore, that might be the best birthday gift of all.

But if you’re already planning for my 2021 birthday and cleaning out my basement doesn't strike you as a reasonable gift, there are options. In the past, I’ve claimed that there are three categories of gifts above all other that I want more than anything else, but recently, I’ve added a fourth category, and I humbly suggest that you consider them as gift ideas for yourself as well. 

I promise you that they are far superior to any cashmere sweater, shiny trinket, or electronic gadget that you think you may want. 

Time

The best gift of all is the gift of time, and it's not a terribly difficult or expensive gift to give. In the past, my wife has hired people to cut the grass, rake the leaves, and shovel the driveway, thus returning this precious time to me.

Remove an hour of obligation from my life, and I am a happy man.

Other options include things like babysitting my children, digitizing my photo albums, bringing my car to the shop to get that lock on the back door repaired, determining the contents of the boxes in my attic, correcting my spelling tests for a month, or offering to complete any task or chore that I would otherwise be forced to do myself. 

Your list would be different, of course Hopefully it doesn't include a broken lock or mystery boxes in your attic. But I'm sure you can think of things that you would rather not do that a friend or family member is more than capable of accomplishing on your behalf.

I know this sounds crazy to some people. They say things to me like:

"Matt, I'd rather mow my own grass and receive that cashmere sweater." 

"I'd rather correct a mountain of spelling tests and unwrap a brand new iPad on my birthday."

"I'm more than happy to shovel my driveway. Give me that new Fitbit/star finder/water purification device that I have wanted for months."

I'm sorry, but you're wrong. I know it may seem presumptuous to tell you what you want, but trust me. The difference between what you want and what you think you want could not be more different.

I promise you that when you are lying on your death bed, surrounded by all of your material possessions - your stuff - your greatest regret will be the time you could've spent doing things. Seeing people. Experiencing the world. At that moment, the gift of time will mean more to you than anything else. 

It should mean just as much today. Don't wait until it's too late to appreciate it.

Also, it’s very unlikely that you need any more clothing or jewelry or electronics. You could do without the device that clips to your belt or fastens to your handlebars or makes imaginary things explode when you click the right combination of buttons. 

The thing you should crave - more than anything else - is time. 

Knowledge

Coming in a close second to time (and in many ways its first cousin) is the gift of knowledge. Find a way to teach me to do something that I’ve always wanted to do but haven’t been able to learn. 

Either teach me yourself or find someone who can do it for you.

We all go through life wishing that we could do more. Accomplish more. Achieve more. This is a gift that would allow a person to take one small step closer to those dreams. 

For me, it's meant sending my wife to a cooking or art class. Hiring her a ukulele teacher.

For my wife, it's meant buying me an hour with a professional poker player or an afternoon with a golf instructor. 

In these instances, we walk away with nothing material but something far more valuable:

The gift of knowledge. The acquisition of a skill. A slight improvement in an area that means a great deal to us. 

Far more valuable than a pretty scarf or a new doodad. 

In case you're thinking of giving me a birthday gift next year, here is the list of things I want to currently learn:

Play the piano

Hit my driver longer and more consistently

Improve the sound quality and consistency of my podcast recordings

Use online educational resources like Prodigy and Freckle more effectively

Design my YouTube channel and maximize all of the features available to me

Experience

This one is simple and spoken about often. Want to make me happy? Send me to a Broadway show. Get me tickets to a Yankees game. Bring me to see a comedian who I love.

This year, Elysha gave me an overnight adventure at the Mystic Aquarium. Sadly, that adventure needed to be cancelled because of the pandemic, but when this time passes and life returns to normal, we will reschedule my evening amongst the fishes and family, and I’m quite sure it will be unforgettable.

Certainly better than a stupid watch or a new phone or a new coat.

It doesn’t take much to create a memorable and unique experience for a person. You won’t have anything to show for the experience once it’s done except the memories of the moment, but that is always better than the stuff that clutters our homes.

Studies repeatedly show that money spent on experiences generates far greater happiness than money spent on things. But we know this already.

Right?

An afternoon spent biking with your kids or a weekend with your friends at the beach or an evening spent sitting beside your wife at a concert are always better than the thing inside the box with the bow.

We’re fools if we think otherwise.

Nostalgia

This is new to my list, but it should’ve been included for a long, long time. In some ways, it’s also a close cousin to the gift of time because it amounts to the past presented in a new and interesting way. A return or a resurrection of days gone by. A dip into the waters of your youth.

Last year, my workplace birthday buddy surprised me with a lunch with former colleague who retired a couple years ago. For an hour in the middle of my school day, I was able to take a step back in time when my friend was still working alongside me. We ate, talked, and reminisced about the multitude of moments we spent together.

It was my best workplace lunch ever. One of the best gifts that I’ve ever received.

Elysha has been giving me the gift of nostalgia for years, commissioning artists to paint images of the map of my Boy Scout camp, my childhood home, my grandparent’s home, and my dog. A couple Christmases ago she gave me a Viewmaster Viewer, loaded with images of our family.

These are some of the best gifts that I have ever received. Important places and things reimagined and returned to my life, complete with the memories and joy that they once contained.

This year, my workplace birthday buddy surprised me with paintings of two photos that I had posted online earlier that summer. Small, artistic representations of moments that I remember so well.

An incredible and perfect gift. One that I will treasure for all my days.

Each time I look at these bits from the past, I am transported back to those days, and I’m reminded of all the happiness and goodness that accompanied these places and people.

These gift, particularly now in those upside down world, have been so important to me. Reminders of what once was and what will someday be again.

Speak Up Storytelling: Tom Moore

On episode #91 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, Elysha and I talk storytelling!

In our follow up segment, we congratulate listeners on their new baby!

We also launch our Patreon campaign, announce an upcoming virtual storytelling workshop and solo show, and a weekly free storytelling workshop for kids on Facebook Live and YouTube. 

STORYTELLING SHOWS 2020

April 18: Solo show, MOPCO Improv Theater

STORYTELLING WORKSHOPS 2020

April 18: Storytelling workshop (beginner), MOPCO Improv Theater

July 27-31: Storytelling boot camp, CT Historical Society

In our Homework for Life segment, I talk about looking for moments of contrast in our lives and exploiting them for their storytelling potential. 

Next we listen to a story by Tom Moore.

Amongst the many things we discuss include:

The power of self deprecation

Scene setting

Delivering powerful messages via humorous stories

Connecting the beginning and endings of stories

Considering the specificity of your audience when telling a story

Next we answer a question about the "inside baseball" cost-benefit ratio.  

Lastly, we each offer a recommendation. 

RECOMMEDATIONS

Elysha:

Smitten Kitchen's Pretzel Buns and Knots

Matt:

Reply All Episode # 158: The Case of the Missing Hit

_______________________________________________

Support Speak Up Storytelling through our Patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/speakupstorytelling

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Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne

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