Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 159

Father’s Day gifts that aren’t so gifty

CNN published a piece entitled “16 practical Father’s Day gifts your dad will actually use.”

I couldn’t wait to see the items that I would actually use.

Erik Aleksi Solid Mahogany Tie and Belt Rack: I don’t own any ties and only one belt.

The Davek Traveler (an umbrella): I’ve never owned an umbrella in my life, nor have I ever wanted to own an umbrella.

Cole Haan Osborn Plain Toe Derby (shoes): I already own shoes

Barbour Bedale Regular Fit Waxed Cotton Jacket: I already own jackets.

Velcro Wrap Tape: Yes, Jolie Kerr, the author of this article, is proposing that you give your father the gift of velcro on Father’s Day.

She writes, “At the risk of peddling in stereotypes, dads love Velcro. Does this love of Velcro materialize upon the birth of a first child? We may never know, but we do know that many, many dads deeply love Velcro, so if your dad is a Velcro Guy, get him a roll of the stuff and watch his face light up.”

This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I have seen written in 2021. If I were an easily triggered person, I might need to do all those ridiculous things that easily triggered people do to make their nothing-burgers seem like something-burgers.

But I’m not, so I’ll just say this: Adhesives of any kind are not gifts.

DeWalt Glue Gun: I have never had a use for a glue gun in my life.

Grilltastic Grill Cleaner: This is a steam cleaner for a grill. Essentially, it’s a more complicated, more time consuming way of doing something I can already do with a brush and a little elbow grease. If your grill brush requires electricity, water, and time to heat up, you have way too much time on your hands and should immediately find yourself a hobby.

DrillBrush Set: Kerr writes that “The DrillBrush can be used to clean everything from the bathtub to a canoe.” Since when did cleaning tools become gifts. Can you imagine if I gave Elysha a package of super sponges or a brand new mop for Mother’s Day?

Kobalt 2 In-In PVC Cutter: I’m not manly enough to know what this is or what it does, so I obviously don’t need it.

Ivy Bronx Grider Solid Wood Dining Table: This outdoor dining table looks lovely, but since when did furniture become a gift?

“Here’s a new outdoor dining table, honey, that I will be making use of at least as often as you. Enjoy!”

My friend once gave his wife a toilet for her birthday, which we still laugh about today. His wife claims that she loved the gift, which must mean that their previous toilet was a hole in the ground. But the real problem was that this was hardly her toilet. I’m sure he uses it just as often as she does, if not more.

Also, we already have an outdoor table, with a much needed umbrella, I might add, which the Ivy Bronx Grider Solid Wood Dining Table does not.

So I stand corrected. I guess I do own an umbrella of sorts.

For many reasons, I don’t want, nor do I need this table.

The Executioner Fly Killer Racket: This is an electronic bug zapper. I almost never need to kill a fly, and when I do, I hardly need electronics to accomplish the task.

Huron Hair Duo: This is high end shampoo and conditioner. I have used a low end shampoo all my life and never used conditioner. With less hair than ever before, it’s not the time to upgrade my shampoo.

Hawthorne Face First Starter Set: This is a face wash, moisturizer and a daily sunscreen. I have never used a face wash or moisturizer in my life, and I will use sunscreen when I’m in the sun. This feels like an attempt to steal time away from my day by adding a routine to wash and moisturize a face that is already clean and moisturized.

Vivere Double Cotton Hammock With Steel Stand: We have two hammocks. I have never used either one. Lying in a hammock sounds like a lovely way to spend a summer afternoon to many people, but it sounds like torture to me.

Gleener Fuzz Remover: This is a sweater depiller. I can’t even.

RTIC Jug: This is a water bottle. Because dads don’t already own a water bottle.

Earlier in the week, CNN published “30 of our favorite Father’s Day gifts for every type of dad.”

I went through this list, too, hoping to find something I might life. Huge categories of traditional Father’s Day gifts have no appeal to me.

I don’t really drink alcohol, so all the flasks, beer subscriptions, shot glass sets, and the like mean nothing to me.

I don’t drink coffee, so all of the coffee related gift ideas also mean nothing to me.

I can’t repair or build anything, so all of the tools are pointless for me.

I don’t wear a watch or jewelry. I don’t get excited over new clothes. And I’m not a car guy, so anything related to automobiles is meaningless to me.

Of the 30 items on this list, only one appealed to me. It was this:

The Nostalgia Hot Dog Toaster

Hot dogs are my second favorite food, and this item allows you to cook up to two hotdogs and toast the buns as easily as you make toast,.

Brilliant.

As always, the three best gifts for me are:

Time: Do something for me that I would otherwise need to do.

Knowledge: Teach me something I don’t know but want to learn

Experience: Arrange for me to do something meaningful and memorable

These are the most meaningful gifts to me.

Also a hot dog toaster.

False confessions are real.

Illinois has become the first state to pass a bill that will ban police from lying to youth during interrogations. Experts say the practice can lead to false confessions and wrongful convictions.

The bill is expected to be signed into law in coming weeks.

This is great news. But it doesn’t go far enough.

Adults need the same protections.

I was 22 years old when I was interrogated by police on three separate occasions – for hours each time – before finally being arrested for a crime I did not commit:

Grand larceny. The theft of more than $7,000 from the McDonald’s restaurant that I was managing. During those interrogations, the police officers lied to me, threatened me, and assured me that if I did not confess, I would spent at least five years in prison.

After more than 24 hours in the interrogation room, I nearly confessed.

In addition to my confession, police officers told me that I’d need to tell them what I did with the money, and I couldn’t come up with a lie that they would believe was true.

How do you spend $7,000 in two weeks and have nothing to show for it?

The police officers wanted me to say that I had used the money to purchase drugs, because that’s what they thought I’d done, but I had never used any type of illegal drug before.

I still haven’t.

So I had no idea where to buy drugs. I didn’t know how much drugs cost. I didn’t know how they were packaged. I knew nothing. I was unable to lie because I lacked the knowledge required to make my lie sound true.

At one point, I was placed in a closet in the basement of the police station and ordered to stay inside until I confessed.

I nearly did. Had I known anything about the purchase of illegal drugs, I may have confessed.

False confessions are real. False confessions happen all the time.

Granted, things would’ve been very different for me if I’d had parents to support me or anyone in my life who could’ve advised me to request an attorney, stop answering questions, and demand that I be released. But when you’re innocent of a crime, you don’t think you need an attorney. In fact, you worry that requesting an attorney will make you look guilty.

This Illinois law doesn’t go far enough. Either require all suspects to have an attorney prior to interrogation or stop the police from lying to suspects during interrogations.

Elysha was told again and again as a child that if the police ever wanted to question her for any reason whatsoever, “Call your Daddy before you say anything.”

Good advice, but it’s not advice that I ever received. There is no class in school that teaches you what to do if suspected of a crime or interrogated by police or taken into police custody on suspicion of guilt.

The advice, of course, is simple:

Don’t speak. Ask for an attorney.

But when frightened out of your mind, threatened, coerced, manipulated, lied to, and made to feel completely powerless and ignorant of anything around you, that advice is easier said than done.

And if you’ve never been given that advice before, terrible things like false confessions can happen, as crazy as that may sound.

The Illinois law is a good start, but it’s just that. Much more needs to be done to protect vulnerable people from confessing to crimes they did not commit.

My grandmother was a bad-ass agent of change

A few amazing things that I recently learned about my maternal grandmother:She had to drop out of high school in 1939 to help support her family. She was the oldest child of the family, and they needed her to work, so she took a job in a Keds factory, stitching sneakers.Almost 30 years later, she went back to school, earning her GED in 1967. This allowed her to escape the factory and ultimately become the head of accounting at Woonsocket Hospital.She didn’t learn how to drive as a teenager and spent most of her life unable to drive, but at the age of 55, she called a driving school for lessons, earned her driver’s license, and then spent the remainder of her driving years behind the wheel of a white Pontiac with a blue top. Later in life, she and my maternal grandfather would spend their days driving around town, delivering Meals on Wheels to elderly folks who couldn’t leave the home.I told this story to my students, and I offer it to you as a reminder:Nothing is settled in this life. Change is always possible. We can decide – sometimes instantaneously depending on the choice – to change our lives forever at any age.For one of my students, this means they can choose to start trying harder in math. Begin doing their homework more consistently. Start treating classmates with greater kindness and patience. Exercise. Practice their musical instrument. Read every day without exception.All of that is possible as soon as they decide to make that choice.For you, it might mean finally chasing that lifelong dream. Finishing a journey you once began. Finally asking for that thing you’ve always wanted. Instituting a change in your daily routine that will yield enormous results.You can go from someone who doesn’t exercise to someone who does right now, just by deciding to make it true.You can transform yourself from someone who is perpetually late to someone who is always on time by simple deciding to take the actions to make this a reality.You can purchase paint and a canvas today and become the landscape painter you always wanted to be.You can step onto the path that will ultimately lead you to the career you’ve dreamed of doing since you were a kid.By flipping a mental switch and committing to change, you can improve your life quickly and exponentially.None of us is fully cooked. Nothing is static until we choose for it to be static.I have a friend who decided to divorce her husband five years ago. Rightfully so, too. It was not a good marriage, and he was not a good man. Given the nature of the circumstances, my friend knew that the divorce would be long, hard, and painful. But I told her that 18 months from now, she would be divorced and finally free of this terrible burden of a marriage. And five years from now, I told her, she’d probably be in love again. Maybe even married. I acknowledged that the next couple years would be hard, but faster than seemingly possible, her life would be different and so much better.Later this year, she is marrying the man of her dreams.My grandmother earned her high school diploma in her mid-forties and moved from a factory job to the head of accounting at a hospital. She learned to drive after more than five decades of being driven around town by other people.A constant refrain of mine since telling my students this story is this:“You can choose to be like my grandmother and change your life for the better at any moment. So why not now?”If you’ve been dreaming of changing your own life, why not today?

Charlie’s drawings are scary

Charlie’s choice of subject matter when it comes of his drawing sometimes concerns me.

He explained that he was reading a book on optical illusions. If you quickly move these drawings back and forth at eye level, the astronaut appears to be drifting away from his spaceship and the man with the knife appears to stab the man without the knife.

This explanation did not make me feel any better.

Vanilla is chocolate without the chocolate. Right?

When I was 17 years old, I took my high school girlfriend, Laura, out for ice cream at Newport Creamery.

We sat on stools at the counter, and when the server asked us for our order, Laura ordered a hot fudge sundae with vanilla ice cream.

“Why did you order vanilla?” I asked her after the server left.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

I can’t recall the conversation exactly, but this crux was this:

I thought that vanilla ice cream was chocolate ice cream minus the chocolate. I didn’t know that vanilla was an actual flavor. I thought vanilla ice cream was simply ice milk.

“So you’ve never had vanilla ice cream?” Laura asked.

I hadn’t. Never in my life. I was a 17 year-old human being, on the cusp of graduating high school, and I didn’t understand that vanilla was an actual flavor.

This story came to mind this week because my students were talking about the card game Uno, and it occurred to me, for the first time, that when you have one card left in your hand while playing the game and are required to shout “Uno!” you’re actually shouting the Spanish word for one.

I know that the Spanish word for the number one is “uno,” but for all of my life, I had not made the connection between the Spanish language and the game. I thought that when I was shouting “Uno!” I was shouting the name of the game.

My students did not treat me as kindly as Laura upon learning about my misunderstanding. They couldn’t stop laughing at my stupidity. Heads shook. Eyes rolled. One of them wondered aloud if I should be teaching children.

Laura, on the other hand, ordered a small bowl of vanilla ice cream in addition to our sundaes. Sitting there at the counter in Newport Creamery, I took my very first bite of vanilla ice cream.

It was good. Still not as tasty as chocolate, but not bad.

Vanilla ice cream and Uno.

In case you were wondering if I’m the sharpest tool in the shed, now you know.

A rainbow flag is flying at my school, and I still can’t quite believe it.

My school district is flying rainbow flags at each one of its schools this month in recognition of Pride Month. Unlike the traditional rainbow flag, the district has opted to fly the Progress Pride Flag, designed by in 2018 by graphic designer Daniel Quasar.

Quasar added a five-colored chevron to the classic rainbow flag to place a greater emphasis on “inclusion and progression.” The flag includes black and brown stripes to represent marginalized LGBTQ+ communities of color, along with the colors pink, light blue, and white, which are used on the Transgender Pride Flag.

I’m thrilled that my school is flying this flag, but I’m also astounded. I marvel at how far we’ve come in what feels like an incredibly short period of time. Same sex marriage, for example, was made legal just 13 years ago in the state of Connecticut.

Two months before Clara was born.

It was made legal in the United States less than six years ago.

I spent the vast majority of my life in a world where same sex marriage was not only illegal but never seemed likely to become legal. Instead, my kids only know a world where same sex marriage is legal.

Amazing.

In fact, Elysha and I know so many same sex couples. It’s hard to imagine that their marriages were only made legally possible for the last 13 years and only recognized as legal nationwide for less than five years. Just imagine how many people were denied the rights, protections, and recognition afforded by marriage simply because they were not a heterosexual couple.

The world has seemingly changed overnight. If only it could’ve seemingly changed overnight centuries ago.

So much injustice that can never be corrected.

Yet even though the world has changed for the better, I still marvel at how our public schools are flying this flag. Some members of our community are undoubtedly upset that this flag is flying at my school. Despite all the progress that has been made, hatred, bigotry, and stupidity still abound in this world. Though I am surrounded by people see this flag as a sign of something good and just, I am certain that there are people in our midst who feel differently.

I also know that the flying of a rainbow flag at a public school in some states would be impossible. Even though the world is changing for the better, there are still places in this country where same sex marriage might be legal but is not welcomed or even tolerated.

We still have a long, long way to go.

As my students and I were walking under the flag this week, one looked up and said, “I think we should always fly that flag. Why wait until June?”

I started to explain that by flying the flag for just one month out of the year, the cause that it represents might receive more attention than if we flew it every day. “If we flew that flag all year long, it might just become something ordinary and expected instead of something that draws attention to an important cause.”

Then I stopped myself.

Wouldn’t it be lovely, I thought, if rainbow flags and same sex marriage and universal acceptance of every member of the LGBTQ+ community became ordinary and expected?

So instead I said, “Write a letter arguing that the rainbow flag should fly all year long. I’ll show you where to mail it.”

I like to think that this generation of kids – those who have grown up in a world where rainbow flags fly and same sex marriage is legal – will be the ones who sweep away the last vestiges of bigotry and hatred from our country. My hope is that they will be the ones who finally bring equality and justice to this world.

A lofty and perhaps unreasonable goal, but not if you ask my students or my own children.

To them, this goal seems perfectly reasonable and very overdue.

Howard Ryder, RIP

Charlie and I spent some time on Memorial Day wandering a local cemetery in the center of town, I ride my bike through this cemetery quite often, so know that it contains some of the oldest markers in town, some going back to the early 1700’s.

It’s also filled with names that Charlie and I know well:

General Martin Kellogg, for whom my daughter’s middle school is named
Lucy Robbins Welles, for whom our library is named
Many names that appear on many streets throughout town

Wandering these gravestones is a real history lesson of our town.

In addition to finding these famous first families of Newington, Charlie and I searched for the gravestones of American soldiers in an effort to honor them on Memorial Day, and we talked a lot about the opportunity to remember anyone buried in that cemetery who may have been forgotten. We looked at stones of people who died hundreds of years ago and talked about the chances that anyone still thinks or remembers these people.

We found stones marking the lives of husbands and wives and wondered aloud what is was like to be married in 1823 or 1919. We found stones marking their children and sometimes their grandchildren. We noted how groupings of stones marked entire families and wondered if the family tree had withered and died or if family members moved away, leaving the graves of their ancestors behind.

Charlie and I have a deep sense of nostalgia and a bit of aching for the passage of time, so it was time well spent together.

We eventually found a stone under a tree that:

World War II
Howard Ryder CM3
US Navy
Died February 7, 1943
Age 26
Lost at Sea

It took in a row of stones that included his parents and brothers.

A whole family, perhaps, who once lived together under one roof, now resting in peace in the local graveyard.

It’s rare to find a stone with that much detail. Charlie was instantly fascinated about the prospect of being “lost at sea” so I explained to him how Howard Ryder’s ship had probably been sunk during the war and his body never recovered.

“I hope someone still thinks about him,” Charlie said.

Noting the condition of the stone, I didn’t think so.

But when we got home, I did some sleuthing online. First, I checked the Wikipedia entry for February 7, 1943 and found one American warship sunk that day:

The American troopship USS Henry R. Mallory was torpedoed by the U-402, a German U-boat, killing 272 Americans.

Next, I found the Wikipedia entry for the USS Henry R. Mallory and learned:

It was at 06:59 on 7 February 1943 when, traveling in station 33 of the convoy, Henry R. Mallory was hit by one torpedo launched from U-402 around 600 nautical miles (1,100 km) south-southwest of Iceland. Hit in the number three hold on the starboard side, the ship began settling by the stern and listing to port, and sank at about 07:30. Of Henry R. Mallory‘s ten lifeboats, only three were successfully launched, holding 175 men. Many other men jumped overboard for rafts in the water.

None of the other ships in the convoy were aware of the Mallory‘s predicament. American destroyer Schenck—searching for survivors from the convoy’s sunken rescue ship, SS Toward, sunk three hours earlier, also by U-402—saw lights but was denied permission to investigate. Only when survivors were found by U.S. Coast Guard cutter Bibb some four hours later was the fate of Henry R. Mallory made clear. Bibb rescued 205 men, 3 of whom later died. Another Coast Guard cutter, Ingham, rescued a further 22, of whom 2 later died. Among the 272 dead was the ship’s master, 48 crewmen, 15 armed guards, and 208 passengers.

After reading about the fate of the ship and so many of its crew, I Googled “crew list of the USS Henry Mallory” and found it online.

And there he was:

Howard Perkins Ryder. US Navy Reserve. Carpenter’s Mate Third Class.

I’ve been thinking about him a lot these last few days, hoping his final moments in the north Atlantic weren’t too painful or frightening.

Then I clicked on his name and found this:

Son of Mrs. Minna M. Ryder, of Newington, CT.A minute later, I had found Minna Ryder’s obituary in the archives of the Hartford Courant. I also found the obituaries of Minna’s late husband, Frank, who died in 1938, as well as their son, Frank, Jr. who died in 1929 at the age of 17 of a long illness. I learned that Minna also had two daughters, though neither is buried in the family plot.When Minna Ryder died in 1962 at the age of 83, she had five surviving grandchildren and two great grandchildren, which means some of them could still be alive today.Maybe Charlie’s hope that someone still thinks about and remembers Howard Ryder isn’t so silly after all. I like to think that somewhere in this world, great grandchildren, and perhaps even their children, tell stories of their great uncle Eddie, who fought and died defending our country against fascism and tyranny.If so, I wonder if they even know where he’s buried.Coming full circle, Minna Ryder’s obituary requested that donations be made in her name to the Lucy Robbins Welles Library. Charlie and I had found Lucy Robbins Welles’ much larger stone a few minutes before.So I sent a donation to the library today in Minna Ryder’s name. I don’t expect the librarian who opens that envelope to know who Minna M. Ryder is or was, but I know a little bit about her and her family now, thanks to a stone and some online sleuthing and a son who likes wandering cemeteries to remember those forgotten as much as I do. And at least for a little while, this former family of Newington, CT was remembered once again.Charlie and I plan to return to the cemetery soon with a flag to mark the grave of Howard Ryder, who died serving our country.We don’t want his sacrifice to ever be forgotten.

Clara’s rules

Clara has posted rules in her bedroom that I just noticed. It’s an interesting and eclectic collection, mostly targeting her little brother:

No fake guns, fingers used as gun, etc.

Espousing nonviolence, even on a fictional level. Completely on-brand for Clara.

No talking for Anna. Only Clara can,

I had to ask about this one. Apparently Charlie likes to speak for Anna, Clara’s favorite doll. He’s probably making amusing and annoying comments that Anna would never make herself.

He probably gets this from me. It sounds hilarious.

However, being the feminist, Clara does not want any man (or boy) speaking on behalf of any woman (or girl) (or female doll). Women (and female dolls) can speak for themselves. Or at least voiced by female counterparts.

Also very on-brand for Clara.

Shut the door on the way out.

Reasonable given that she’s a pre-teen who reads more than she breathes and needs her peace and quiet.

If Clara says, “I want to be alone,” leave.

Aggressive but also reasonable.

Don’t go behind the chair unless you have Clara’s permission.

This is the chair that I sat in for hours every day, reading and rocking Clara when she was a baby.

As I recall, it cost about $19,000. I thought it was crazy at the time, but Elysha insisted that it was necessary. Given the amount of time that we both spent in that chair with Clara, she may have been right.

Now that Clara is older, she sits behind it to read.

Apparently she spent enough time on it as a baby.

Resolution update: May 2021

Every month I report the progress of my yearly goals in order to monitor progress (or the lack thereof) and hold myself accountable.  The following are the result from May 2021.PERSONAL FITNESS

1. Don’t die.

Definitely still alive.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

Our NordicTrack exercise bike is still being replaced after forever. I understand that the pandemic has stretched supply lines and made certain parts hard to find, but this is ridiculous.

Add to this a pandemic that is still keeping me out of the gym, and my exercise regime has not been as effective as it could be.

It’s killing me.

That said, I’ve lost 6 pounds so far. But no pounds in May.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

Done.

4. Cycle for at least 5 days every week.

I was only able to ride my bike for a total of 18 days in May while waiting for parts for our NordicTrack. Weather, scheduling, and my broken NordicTrack have made this goal impossible.

5. Set a new personal best in golf.

Several rounds of golf played. I came within one shot of my personal best again. I’m beginning lessons next month and getting fitted for new clubs in mid-June.

WRITING CAREER

6. Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2021.

Progress continues. My agent responded positively to the chapters thus far. Editing is required, but progress is good. That said, this might not be the next book that we sell. I have a memoir, half a novel, half of another novel, and another memoir all in various states of completion, so any one of them (or a combination of them) could be the next one sold.

My agent is maneuvering and strategizing now.

Nevertheless, writing continues.

7. Complete “Someday is Today” before the end of 2021. 

Progress continues. Due in August so it’s progressing in earnest now.

8. Complete “Storyworthy 2” before the end of 2021.

DONE! I sent the first draft of this book (it might be two books) to my agent for her review. Given that I finished another book on storytelling before the book I have under contract, I may need to wait a bit before we sell Storyworthy 2, but it looks promising.

9. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist, and one protagonist who is not neurotypical.

I’ve begun writing my first and second picture books of 2021. One is nearly finished. The other is outlined. Excited about both.

10. Write 40,000 words of a memoir.

Progress! Nearly 7,000 words written!

11. Write a new screenplay.

No progress.

12. Write a solo show.

Work continues in earnest. I didn’t meet with my collaborators in March, April or May, but it’s simply because I’m making solid progress and want to wait until I stall out to meet with them.

13. Write a musical.

My partner, Kaia, and I have shifted away from our original idea to a new one, and work has begun with greater earnest. The original idea is still good, but this one is just as good or better. It’s also the topic of my new memoir, so there is some serious synergy between the two projects.

14. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

No progress.

15. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

No progress.

16. Select two behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

No progress. I still need to write about my experiences with ASMR and my reading of 50 Shades of Gray from last year.

If you have suggestions on something I should try or adopt, please let me know.

17. Increase my newsletter subscriber base to 6,000 (from 4,497).

I added 34 subscribers in May for a total of 4,780.

If you’d like to sign up for my newsletter, you can do so here:

18. Send a newsletter to readers at least 25 times (every other week). 

One newsletter sent in May, but three sent in April.

Ten newsletters sent so far in 2021.

Still on pace to hit my goal.

19. Write at least six letters to my father.

Two letters in total sent in 2021.

20. Write 100 letters in 2021.

A total of 14 letters written and sent in May. One to an author who I don’t know but adore. Ten to students. Two to soon-to-be retirees. One to a friend.

I also received a letter from the grandparent of a student – in the mail – and boy was it lovely, thus confirming for me the value of this goal.

Receiving letters is wonderful.

A total of 39 so far in 2021. Almost on pace for 100.

21. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.

No progress.

22. Complete and release my limited episode podcast on “Twenty-One Truths About Love.”

DONE. Completed and published. You can listen to the five episode series in the Speak Up Storytelling feed.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

23. Produce a total of 6 Speak Up storytelling events.

Elysha and I produced our third show of 2021 on April 24. We have another show scheduled for June 5.

We’ve also partnered with The Hill-stead Museum in Farmington, CT for our first live show in more than a year, outdoors.

August 18 with an August 19 rain date.

24. Pitch myself to at least 3 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

DONE! I pitched talks to TEDx events in New Haven, Boston University, and Salem University.

I await word.

I will be speaking at TEDx Berkshires on July 24.

25. Pitch myself to Master Class at least three times in 2021. 

I reached out to the CEO of MaterClass on Twitter to pitch my class. This was my first pitch of 2021.

26. Attend at least 5 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

DONE! I attended one Moth StorySLAM and one Moth GrandSLAM in May, bringing my total to 7 events in 2021.

27. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.

DONE! I won my 51st Moth StorySLAM in February. Certainly not the same as a live, onstage StorySLAM, but it’s always an honor to tell a story to an audience of any kind.

28. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

DONE!

I won my seventh Moth GrandSLAM in May.

I9. Produce at least 25 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.

No episodes produced in May. A combination of factors, including baseball and illness, kept us off the air in May.

A total of 13 episodes so far in 2021. Still ahead of schedule.

30. Perform stand-up at least 3 times in 2021.

No progress, but my friend, David, has a solid 5-10 minutes of material and is ready to give standup a shot. As soon as open mics are running again, we’ll be there, ready to perform.

31. Pitch at least three stories to This American Life.

No progress.

32. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

I sent an email to Marc, asking him to consider me for his podcast. It was my first pitch of 2021.

33. Produce at least 12 new videos for my YouTube channel in 2021. 

No videos produced in May. One video so far in 2021. But I will be recording content for a new business that I am launching with a partner, so this may need to wait.

34. Explore a means of producing my storytelling instruction asynchronously for an online platform.

DONE! Partners found. Contracts signed. We are on our way!

HOME

35. Print, hang, and/or display at least 25 prints, photos, or portraits in our home.

This has very much become an Elysha job, so my job is to nag her about getting it done. I have so many incredible prints given to me by Elysha that remain sitting in a box.

Kind of killing me.

But on a positive note, two of the main rooms where most of this material will be hung has now been freshly painted, and furnishing of these rooms is nearly complete.

36. Assemble an emergency preparedness kit.

I purchased survival straws that make contaminated water safe to drink in January.

That is all.

I still have a long way to go.

37. Clear the basement.

Several items removed every week in May along with trash pickup.

Incrementalism at work.

FAMILY/FRIENDS

38. Call brother or sister once per week. 

No calls in May or in 2021.

I am a terrible brother.

39. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

Done.

40. Take at least one photo with Elysha and myself each week.

Photos taken in two of the four weeks of May.

I’m really failing at this goal so far.

41. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

No progress, but an online reunion feels quite doable now.

42. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2021 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.

Done. Piece of cake.

43. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2021.

I surprised Elysha once in January by sending flowers to her while at work on her birthday. They were reportedly some of the best flowers she has ever received.

I surprised Elysha with a Pusheen knit hat in February. It was actually a replacement hat after the one I purchased for her birthday did not fit.

I sent Elysha some especially awesome flowers in May that caused her colleagues to comment repeatedly about the,.

I surprised Elysha with weekend plans on Martha’s Vineyard for later this summer.

Four surprises so far in 2021.

44. Play poker at least six times in 2021.

Two games so far in 2021.

I’ve proposed the first live game in more than 18 months for later this month. Most if not all of my friends are vaccinated and the positivity rate in Connecticut is less than 1% at this time.

It’s good to live in a state with reasonable people.

45. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

Bengi and I Dj’d a wedding in May.

One day spent in 2021 so far.

NEW PROJECTS

46. Play music in class.

Done. I wish I had played more, but we listened to several musicians as well as the song, “Yes, We Have No Bananas” several times.

Long story.

47. Learn to play the piano by practicing at least three times a week. 

Done.

I averaged a little more than 3 days of practice per week in May.

48. Convert our wedding video to a transferable format.

Efforts were made again. Progress was still zilch. I’m going to need a professional of some kind to assist. I can’t get the file extracted from this 18 year-old Mac.

I need someone who can excavate ancient files from ancient hardware.

49. Memorize 5 new poems.

I’ve memorized “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost. Admittedly I knew more than half of it before I began, and I will continue to need to reinforce it before I am sure that it’s committed to memory for good, but it’s essentially done.

I’m still working on “In Flander’s Field” by John McCrae. For the third month.

50. Write to at least 3 colleges about why they should hire me.

No progress.

51. Understand Instagram better.

No progress.

52. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

No progress.

53. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

Done.

I hate the fine print

I taught my students how to properly fold a letter before placing it into an envelope.

An important life skill.

At the end of the day, I found a properly folded sheet of paper on my desk.

I was thrilled about the demonstration of competence, and the message warmed my heart.

Until it didn’t.