Renee Miller's Blog, page 4
August 10, 2018
[August 2018 TMG] The Cartel – Renee Miller
Hey, kids! Check out this humorous bit of horror I’ve got up at Deadman’s Tome’s Meat Grinder competition. Go over, enjoy a little read, and then like, comment, and/or share. Every time you do, it’s like voting for me and I might win. Winning is good.
THE CARTEL
“You’re a dick.”
“You like dicks?” Nate leaned back on the barstool, eyeing the blonde he’d been trying to pick up all night.
“I’d like to be left alone,” she said.
“Then go on.” Nate waved at the half-full bar. “Be alone.”
She scowled. “I’m not leaving.”
He took a long swig of his beer. “Why are you playing hard to get?”
“I’m not playing.”
Nate chuckled. “I apologize, my lady. I’ve been a twat. An asshole even. Let me buy you a drink. Make amends.”
“No thanks.”
“How am I going to get in your pants if you don’t let me get you drunk?”
Her reply was drowned out by a deafening roar. Dust fell from the ceiling and the bar top cracked in half. Bottles and glasses slid to the floor.
“What the fuck?” He heard a loud moan, and then a whooshing sound a few…
View original post 7,347 more words
July 17, 2018
August’s Deviant News and Books
There’s a lot happening in August. Check out what I’ve got coming up, as well as what my fellow Deviant Dolls have been up to.
In July, we had all kinds of things happening, and it looks like the Dolls won’t be slowing down in August.
First, C.M. Saunders is having a sale! Out of Time, Apartment 14F, No Man’s Land: Horror in the Trenches, and Human Waste are all 0.99 for a very limited time. Grab ‘em quick.
Find these and the rest of his books here:
Saunders’s latest short story, Lakeside Park, is included in the anthology Terrors Unimagined out now on Left Hand Publishing.
Lakeside Park is an old-fashioned creature tale about a down-on-his-luck, ex-alcoholic custodian who agrees to take a job looking after a remote caravan park deep in the Welsh valleys during the winter. Suffice to say he doesn’t get the anticipated peace and quiet.
Also, check out the super snazzy trailer!
You’ll also be able to find one of his drabbles, My Tormentor, on the Horror Tree
View original post 476 more words
July 12, 2018
Eat the Rich is Almost Here!
So excited to finally say that EAT THE RICH will be available to buy tomorrow, July 13th!
When Ed Anderson discards his life to become a homeless person, he has no idea of the shit storm about to happen. Almost overnight, the city’s homeless population spikes.
So does the murder rate.
Ed learns that aliens posing as homeless people are eating the city’s wealthiest residents. He tries to warn the police, but they think he’s crazy.
The situation is worse than Ed describes, though.
He’s right about the aliens. They’re here to free humans from wealth and poverty. The flesh of the rich is just a tasty reward for their hard work.
And if humans refuse to embrace the utopia imagined for them, there is a Plan B.
Kill everyone.
So, let’s talk about where this story came from. The inspiration for is covered in the dedication:
Me: I need a story idea that’s off the wall.
Kurt: (Trying to drive the car with minimal conversation.) Yeah.
Me: Maybe a new take on cannibals? I’ve probably used those too much.
Kurt: Hobo cannibals?
Me: Meh.
Kurt: Alien hobo cannibals.
Me: Oooh…
Kurt: Who only eat rich people.
Me: Perfect.
It was SO much fun to write, and I thought no one would want it, because that’s often the case when I have too much fun and when I go a little weird, but M.R. Tapia at Hindered Souls Press surprised me and said yes. And here we are.
As I wrote this book, a few things occurred to me.
First, if we’re going to write about cannibalistic homeless people, we need a motive for said cannibalism. Before I added the alien angle, I thought maybe I could highlight the socioeconomic imbalance in society, and show how just abandoning everything might be appealing.
I also wanted us to imagine a world where poverty and homelessness don’t exist. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if no one starved? No one suffered. No one worried how they’d feed their kids or keep a roof over their heads. I think that we as a society can work toward something better, but a society where everyone is equal and no one owns more than anyone else just isn’t the answer.
My main goal with Eat the Rich, though, was entertainment. I wanted this book to be a disturbing, pulpy, action-packed read that made the reader at least smile now and then. I just want readers to have fun.
And it’s almost here. So, along with Jesse Dedman of Deadman’s Tome, I’m throwing a wee launch thing.
I’ll be chatting with Jesse during the Eat the Rich stream this Sunday at 3pm EST/4pm CST. Call in, answer questions, and be eligible to win over $100 In prizes.
[image error]
Or you can just listen (we really hope you’ll call in) to the Deadman’s Tome Podcast, and join in the fun on Twitter by following me (@ReneeMJ), Deadman’s Tome (@MrDeadmanDT), or Hindered Souls Press (@m_r_tapia) or by following the hashtag #EatTheRichBook. I’ll be posting a few questions on there and I’ll use the hashtag for updates and reminders. Those who answer questions live or on Twitter will be entered to win prizes.
What prizes? Well, I’ve got a few signed copies of Eat the Rich and Church to give away, as well as some awesome titles from Unnerving, Hindered Souls Press, Deviant Dolls, and Deadman’s Tome.
Here’s what we’ve got confirmed. It’s likely there’ll be more.
[image error]
Oh, and I’ll be giving away this nifty t-shirt from Hindered Souls Press.
[image error]
So, I think that about covers it. Join us on Sunday and keep an eye on #EatTheRichBook on Twitter.
June 28, 2018
The Importance of Books
I’ve been an avid reader since before I could read. Made up stories before I knew how to put the letters together to make the words. My mother passed this passion on to me, and when I became a mom, it was something I chose to pass on to my kids. I think books give us a special gift. It’s not just about escaping into a different world. It’s about learning new ideas and points of view. With books we get to visit places we may never go or experience events that might’ve otherwise been lost in the past. Reading helps us empathize with others and it encourages deep thinking. It gives us knowledge, teaches about social and cultural norms outside of our own, and it provides pleasure. Books open up our vocabularies and our hearts and our minds, so that “what if” isn’t just a daydream prompt; it’s a possibility.
Last night, my youngest daughter graduated the 8th grade. I’m not sure if that’s a big deal anywhere else, but around here, it’s a rite of passage. After the 8th grade, they head into high school where they start seriously contemplating their futures. Part of this is a graduation ceremony, where the kids say goodbye to elementary school (and to many of their friends) and they’re recognized for accomplishments made over their first 9 years of school. My daughter received the literacy award, which is given to a student who shows a love of literature and writing skill.
[image error]
As you can imagine, words can’t express how proud I am of her. Six years before this, my oldest daughter graduated grade 8 and received the same award. Coincidence or genetics?
[image error]
My girls have always loved books. Court, my oldest, prefers fantasy and sci-fi and horror. Kennedy has always leaned toward non-fiction, but she reads a range of fiction genres as well (but she really loves Rick Riordan’s books). She loves anything featuring mythology, particularly Greek and Norse gods. When they started to show an interest in writing as well, I tried to stand back so it’d grow naturally. To be honest, I imagined what they wrote would be awkward and a little clunky, because we have to learn these things, right?
However, when I got an opportunity to read their work (both were about 12 years old), I was stunned. Court’s innate ability to use symbolism and imagery, and the lyrical style in which she writes is breathtaking. I kept saying to myself, “Oh my God, this kid is TWELVE!” Kennedy’s wit and skill with words at a very young age (seriously, this kid has a MASSIVE vocabulary) made me a little bit jealous. Her skill with language is inspiring and (I admit) humbling. I’m talking kids here, who just effortlessly put these words on the page and crafted something beautiful and engaging. Sure, there were technical issues, like missing dialogue tags and rogue punctuation, but man, I don’t remember having this kind of talent at that age.
Aside from bragging about my awesome kids, I’m sharing this to stress the importance of encouraging our kids to read. Without their passion for books, neither of my girls would’ve tried their hand at writing. They wouldn’t have the words to describe what’s in their heads and they would never have been exposed to much beyond our small town. I’ve always believed that recognizing and rewarding kids for reaching for the stars in creative endeavors is important. Books, specifically, show us new worlds and provide an education that schools just can’t provide. They teach us about life. Sure, fiction isn’t real, but it reflects reality, and it can help us deconstruct and understand what seems incomprehensible or impossible.
This is why I love reading and writing, and why it’s always been important for me that my kids share my love for books. If they never do anything with what books have given them in terms of writing skill, that’s okay. I mean, I’ll be a little sad, but it’s not the end of the world. The other skills they’ve gained from books will help take them anywhere they want to go.
Literacy is defined as ‘the ability to read and write,’ but it’s so much more than that. It gives us a foundation for higher learning, and it helps make life a little easier to live. So, whether you’re a reader, a writer, or both, if you do nothing else, pass along your passion for books to someone else. It’s one of the most precious gifts you’ll ever give.
[image error]
May 30, 2018
Let’s Talk About Reading Your Own Reviews
Do you regularly read reviews of your books? If you do, how do you deal with them? Do you respond to them, good or bad?
The advice I’ve always followed when it comes to book reviews is that you shouldn’t read your reviews regularly, and if you do ignore this advice, you should NEVER respond, good or bad. Recently, though, I feel like maybe that’s not the best advice. Sometimes you get an excellent review, but it’s not five-star, and you want to thank the reviewer for taking the time to break down what they liked and didn’t like. So, it’s a negative review, because you got 2 or 3 stars, but it’s good, because the reviewer included the good along with the bad, and you learned something.
I really want to thank the reviewer, but usually I don’t respond. I want to, but I’ve been told countless times that the best thing a writer can do is pretend reviews aren’t there. That feels wrong. Is that wrong? Right? I don’t know anymore.
[image error]
Sometimes, I find reviews just make me neurotic. I start doubting myself (even if the reviews are good) and my ideas, and then it’s just a downward spiral. Generally, after the first few weeks following a book’s release, I try to ignore reviews, because I know I’m a lunatic. I’ll look every so often, because hey, it’s fun to see what people think (if they’re saying nice things), but I can become a little obsessive about it, so the best way to avoid my tendency over-analyze every single critique is to remain in the dark about what people are saying about this book or that.
Sometimes I get feeling a little… less than confident, and I know I shouldn’t do it, but I’ll tell myself I need a pick me up (or a reason to wallow in self-pity and misery), and then I scour the Internet and read every review for everything.
[image error]
Don’t do that. It’s not helpful.
I’ve been all over the place on this, because I really don’t know the best way to deal with reviews. Maybe there’s a middle ground, you know? Like, it’s okay to respond if this, this, and this is true, but if this, that, and this have occurred, just shut your mouth and keep on walking. What is this and that? I don’t know that answer either.
[image error]
I’m so helpful, eh? What do you guys think? Should we respond to at least the positive reviews? Or never respond at all? Should we just not look? How do we know if it sucks or is fantastic or none of the above?
May 27, 2018
Erotic Horror: Fun Things “Book” Research Has Revealed to Me
The sexual revolution has been a bumpy, unsettling, and not always fathomable road. My research for the erotic horror I write has me googling fetishes and sex toys and other things we won’t discuss here. What’s truly fascinating, though, is the kinds of toys I’ve found that seem so… odd and/or terrifying I can’t imagine actually using them.
From rock to wood to leather, to metal and then latex and plastic, our sex toys have evolved into works of art (sometimes). It’s unclear if everyone survived, let alone achieved orgasm, but one thing I do know is that the sex toys of today haven’t become any less terrifying or puzzling than the monstrosities used in the good old days. In fact, I think we’ve taken sexual deviance to a new level. (No judgement here.)
Okay, a little bit of judgment. We all mock what we don’t understand, right? Of course. Moving on. I want to have a bit of fun today, and readers don’t get to see what takes us down black holes of “Oh my fucking God, is this real life?” when it comes to our research. So, let’s look at a few sex toys I’ve discovered that I think are both terrifying and kind of awesome, because if you use any of these, you’re pretty damn brave, in my opinion. Good for you.
Electro Sex
We’re taught our whole lives to stay away from electricity. Shocking our genitals is definitely a no-no. However, “electro torture” is a thing. For example, the Rimba Electro Sex Gloves connect to an “Electro” box, and the gloves give off an electric current, zapping your lover wherever you touch them.
[image error]Credit: Rimba Electro Sex Gloves
Electro sex aids aren’t limited to gloves, though. (I feel really bad for that poor woman’s nipples right now) It sounds terrifying, and you might wonder why anyone would shock themselves intentionally, but the amount of electricity generated by these toys is said to be safe. The idea isn’t to cause pain (usually) and the devices only give off a low-level current that is meant to stimulate nerve endings. So, it’s more like a tickle or a vibration than an actual shock. However, according to what I’ve read, when used on their highest setting, these devices cause pins and needles sensations, and may even sting. Personally, I like my nipples best when they aren’t stinging.
Mr. Jack Mouth
First, never Google search “masturbatory toys” ever. Second, when you see the words “Mr. Jack Mouth” just don’t. This male sex toy has to be the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. It resembles a penis, with a face… and a mustache. Here:
What the fuck are those stabby-looking protrusions in the mouth? I’m (fairly) certain they’re meant to feel good. Right? Like, ticklers or something?
The mind-boggling thing about Mr. Jack Mouth, though, isn’t that porn-stash or the pointy things in its mouth, it’s that somewhere, someone—more than just one someone—actually finds the idea of masturbating with this thing arousing. I’d keep it in a locked drawer… or in the trash.
The Cannon
I think the name says it all, but let’s break it down anyway. The “Cannon Suction Huge Dong” (available on Amazon) is a massive rubber penis shaped sex thing. Initially, I thought it was a gag item, because IT’S FUCKING HUGE, but when I read the product listing, I realized it’s not. It’s described as a stretching aid that is equipped with a “strong suction base,” with a 13 inch “insertable” length. INSERTABLE LENGTH, GIRLS.
The Cannon is described as “a piece of heavy artillery” and meant for “balls to the wall” action. I’ll pass on this one, thanks. But wait. What’s this? A destroyer?
“You will probably need a ball gag, too, unless you want the neighbors to hear all the noise! There is just no way you can be quiet while trying to take on this seriously massive cock. What more can we say? This thing is HUGE! We figured out how to deliver more dick than you will ever need, now it is up to you to figure out where to put it all. Brace yourself! Measurements: 16.5 inch overall length, 13 inch insertable length, 2.65 inch max shaft diameter, 9 inch circumference” – Amazon description
Christ.
There’s another item for the Christmas wish list. **Wink-wink-nudge-nudge**
The Nut Crusher
First, I’d like to say,
The nut crusher is exactly what it sounds like, unless you think you’re buying something to crush the hard shells of walnuts at a festive holiday party. This sexual aid is designed to crush testicles. The plastic varieties aren’t as disturbing as the metal devices, which resemble clamps you’d find in a carpenter’s workshop. Don’t take my word for it. Here:
Basically, you attach the device to your balls and then tighten the clamp-like part using a screw. Some even have a ring at the end of the screw so that once desired tightness is achieved, you can hang weights from it. Joy!
Urethral Sounds
Urethral sounds gives one the image of medical devices, and there’s a reason for that. Urethral sounding is actually a medical procedure.
[image error]
As a sex aid, though, these long, scary devices are inserted into the end of a man’s penis so it can stimulate the super-sensitive nerve endings inside the urethra and the prostate. Does that sound fun, guys? I don’t know…
Users are advised to find the size that fits their urethra best, for “minimal stretching and resistance,” because that would be bad. Never “force” a sound in (no worries here) and practice to find the right angle. And don’t forget, you may experience burning during urination, but that’s normal. Unusual discharge, bleeding, fever or cramping is not, so seek medical attention if you experience any of these symptoms.
Animal Dildos
Zoophilia, more commonly known as bestiality, is when a person fantasizes about or engages in sex with animals. In most places, this is a crime, so obviously anyone dealing with such fantasies who has an aversion to prison would be frustrated. Well, fear not, there’s a sex toy for you guys. I bring you, animal dildos, which are “exact” replicas of animal junk. I’m not sharing every picture. Just… here. That link is NSFW, by the way. DEFINITELY NOT SAFE.
Just LOOK!
Sorry, guys. This pit bull penis replica is sold out.
SOLD… OUT.
Anyway, you can buy these at specialty sex stores or curious shoppers can just go to Amazon, which has a lovely dildo modeled after a whale penis. It’s not the dildos that are troubling, in my opinion. They’re strangely fascinating to look at. The puzzling thing is that people actually use them. I suppose it’s better than molesting an actual animal.
Teddy Love
Remember that snuggly teddy bear you used to cuddle up with every night? Prepare to never see that bear in the same way again.
Teddy Love is an actual teddy bear with a specially designed “nose” area that vibrates at ten speeds, which are controlled through its ears. And, best of all ladies, you can snuggle up with him after you’re done, just like the good old days.
Guys, don’t think we forgot about you. Apparently, “You can flip Teddy Love upside down and the nose can go around the anus and the tongue can touch the taint.” Precious.
Parents out there will understand the potential for disaster this poses. Imagine young Jimmy finding Mommy’s teddy bear on her bed, stealing it as any youngster would do with a cool new toy, and then snuggling up to that vibrating face you just had in your vagina… or vibrating your taint. I rest my case.
“Autosuck” Road Head Simulator
The Autosuck Road Head Simulator is a device that plugs into a cigarette lighter and is designed to simulate oral sex, in your car.
Fear not ladies, roadside fun isn’t just for guys. There are also devices for women. The Rabbit Travel Vibe is 12 volts of “pure vibrating ecstasy” that ensures “complete satisfaction on the move.”
“Oh hello officer. Sorry I crashed into that sign, I was climaxing.”
Yes, the troubling part about these sex toys is not their design or purpose. Who doesn’t want a little action on the side of the road, right? No, it’s that you plug it into a cigarette lighter in your car. While there’s a warning about using it while driving, we all know there are idiots out there who won’t heed said warning and will use them while speeding down the freeway.
Latex Vac Bed
Because some of us enjoy being shrink-wrapped and breathing through a tiny hole now and then, there’s the Vac Bed.
Basically it’s a latex prison a person is encapsulated in. The bed comes with a PVC frame. You place the latex sack around the frame, climb inside, zip it up, and then vacuum out the air. The entire body is covered so you can’t move, with only a mouth hole for breathing or whatever.
I’m a wee bit claustrophobic, so this thing is absolutely terrifying to me. It’s like sticking a plastic bag over our head, except the bag is big enough for our entire body, and we can’t move. I’m already freaking out.
Well, that’s all for now, kids. In the future, we’ll discuss the fetishes I’ve discovered. Well, not me personally. I mean fetishes other people have, because my only fetish is a European accent.
[image error]
May 16, 2018
Let’s Talk About Not Writing
What do you do other than writing?
You mean, we’re supposed to do other things?
Shit… I guess I could start checking off that list…
[image error]
Seriously, though, I was recently asked this question when I hung out with Mr. Deadman for a Deadman’s Tome podcast. (yes, go listen to me talk) What do I do other than writing? I know he meant, do I blog, review books, make covers, do podcasts, or whatever, but I was like… uh… I work at a grocery store?
[image error]
You see, I view the other stuff, blogs, reviews, Deviant Dolls, etc. as part of the writing thing. I wouldn’t do them if they weren’t necessary to market myself and my work. At least, I don’t think I would. Why the hell didn’t I mention Deviant Dolls?
[image error]
I mean, sometimes that’s a full-time job all by itself. I put in at least an hour or two daily to manage our little group, even if it doesn’t amount to much in the end. Again, though, it’s just part of my writing. Something I do to get the word out there about my books.
Honestly, it takes all of my spare time to write, edit, submit, and market. I’m in awe of how other authors have all of these side things going on. I can’t even. I need at least a couple of hours each day to decompress, or I turn into a screaming, unpleasant mess. Sometimes, I’m so tired, I can’t even look at the laptop, much less hammer out a few hundred words.
Have I missed something? Should I be looking for other creative outlets?
In my opinion, if all you do is write, that’s fine. You don’t have to be the multi-tasking creative wizard who makes everyone else look bad. Focus on the things that are important to your success. Don’t make yourself crazy.
For me, something else has to go (or be neglected like this blog) in order to add new things to my “schedule,” and I hate dropping the ball on anything.
What about other writers out there? Do you do other creative stuff that isn’t about writing? How do you find the time?
May 2, 2018
Let’s Talk About The Process
In interviews, writers always get the question “What is your writing process?” And I’m all,
[image error]
I usually answer this, sort of, but I always feel like I’m lying a little bit, because I don’t really have a set process. I don’t have rituals I follow or things I do every time I sit down to write.
My writing process changes every day. One day, it might be locking myself in a quiet place with coffee, a dog, and a killer idea. Another day, it might be watching Netflix while I knock out an outline or a short story. I sometimes crank up some music and the words just flow. I don’t have a favorite spot (although the garage is the only place I’m almost never interrupted) and I don’t have a favorite drink/drug/song that has to be part of it. I write wherever I end up and I guess I’m almost always drinking coffee, so it’s a given that’ll be part of it. It’s not necessary, though.
Is that odd?
[image error]
A big part of being a productive writer is routine. I believe this, and yet, I don’t have a routine. Could be why I’m such a binge writer. Nothing for a couple of weeks and then bam! All the words for those two weeks written in two days.
The more that I thought about this question, I realized the only constant in my writing process is that if things are too calm or perfect, I just can’t do it. I’m used to chaos, or at least working in stressful environments, so it’s become part of what I’m comfortable with. When things go smoothly, I get itchy, like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. When they are going horribly wrong, then I’m all, “Yeah, the worst is happening now. I can relax.” So, if the dogs are being assholes or the house is a mess or something shitty has happened at work, or someone is upset over whatever, or I’m exhausted or angry or (insert any extreme emotion here) then I’m so ready to write I can barely stand it.
There you go. My writing process involves being stressed to the point of breaking. Only then does the good shit come. If everything is cool, then I have to work really hard to get the words out.
[image error]
I probably need help. That’s okay. We all need help in some way. Right?
Right?
Anyway, what’s your process? Are you religious about it, or are you open to mixing things up to see if a change might make you more productive?
April 25, 2018
Let’s Talk About Social Media
So, in an effort to not be a lazy blogger, each week I’m going to pose a question. I’ll give my answer of course, if I have one. This week, I want to talk about social media, because I’ve never had such an intense love-hate relationship with anything else… okay, except maybe Zesty Doritos. They give me monster migraines, but damn, they’re so fucking tasty.
[image error]
Anyway, most of the time I love social media. It’s been an invaluable tool for me in my writing career, and I’d be lost without it. On the other hand, I find that the massive amount of stupid out there is sometimes magnified (if not multiplied) by social media. This annoys me. It’s why I’ve stopped joining writing groups (unless I know the group’s admins) and I don’t engage in any conversations involving politics or religion. Just too much stupid to have a meaningful discussion. I get really annoyed when someone (who is clearly wrong) decides that a wrong “answer” is just their opinion, so they aren’t actually wrong, when they really are, but their feelings are about to be shattered, so the person who is “right” has to just walk away, and let the wrong person keep believing they’re right, when they’re so very wrong.
[image error]
I admit when I’m wrong. It’s nice to know that, so in the future, I’m more informed, and not running around ignorant of things. Right? think that if you don’t know the answer to something, you shouldn’t just guess. Look it up. I mean, the Internet makes it possible to find the answer to ANY QUESTION. Why do people still just make shit up? Do they not realize how ignorant they seem? For example, in a writing group I’m not going to be part of much longer, they were discussing the difference between porn and erotica in terms of literature. It was mind-boggling to see how many people answered “Porn is film. Erotica is written.” Um, what? Or “Erotica is artistic. Porn is not.”
The best was the guy who thought anyone who read porn or erotica had an unhappy sex life. Probably quite the opposite, buddy.
[image error]
I also hate how social media seems to have fostered a culture where everyone’s feelings are delicate and more important than anything else. I mean, come on. What happened to “Oh, I don’t like that, so I’ll just move along.”? I’m afraid to offer an opinion, even when it’s asked for, because I know how it’ll end. I’m blunt, most of the time, and I don’t have the patience to sugar coat shit for the sensitive types. Better to just keep moving than risk starting a shit show, right?
Well, personally, I don’t think it should be this way, but I don’t see it changing any time soon.
But I still really love social media. It’s fantastic more than it’s shitty. (Probably because I ignore a lot of things, but hey, that’s allowed.)
So, while social media is great for marketing and even keeping me entertained, it’s also really awful. This is a weird dichotomy. I want it to be wonderful all of the time. Is that so much to ask?
[image error]
What are your thoughts? I’ll be devastated if we lost social media, but it’d be nice if we could all just get along. (There’s the optimist poking her head out for a rare visit with the world)
March 19, 2018
Cats Like Cream: A tale of real estate and hairballs?
I don’t often talk about where my stories come from. Maybe it’s because I don’t really know most of the time. They just “are.” However, that’s not true of some of the books scheduled for publication in the near future. Today, I want to share the inspiration behind CATS LIKE CREAM, which will be published by Unnerving Magazine April 10th. PS: You can pre-order it now. Go on. I’ll wait.
[image error]
So, a few years ago, our friend and realtor, Dave, sent me a message on Facebook. He had a book idea he thought I’d find amusing. The pitch: A realtor who spies on his clients by installing cameras into the houses he’s selling. Becomes obsessed. Hilarity and weirdness ensues.
Now, he sold us our home, and that kind of made me look at him sideways, so I thought, yeah, that’d be creepy. And then I made sure there weren’t any cameras in our house. I’m still undecided on that one.
Originally, he envisioned it as a dark comedy. So did I, and I outlined a little something, promising myself that I’d write it as soon as I got that “feeling” I get when I’m ready to tackle a particular project.
Then it sat in a file for about two years. I completely forgot about it, actually, until Dave passed away suddenly. This man was a vibrant, funny and unique personality. The kind of person you could meet once and never forget. Special, is a word I’d use to describe him. He also had some pretty cool ideas. (this wasn’t the first pitch he tossed my way, but so far, it’s the only one I’ve done something with) I’m not sure why he never tried writing them down himself. Yes, I did encourage him to do so. I think the idea of sitting anywhere long enough to do that wasn’t something he was capable of doing.
Anyway, when I heard of his sudden and tragic death, I immediately thought of the conversations we had about this idea. Why didn’t I write that story? I mean, the outline I came up with was quite funny. So, I dug it out. And I tried to write it, but something didn’t quite feel right.
I put it away for a few days, and then went back to it again. I realized the comedy angle was the problem. This story wasn’t meant to be funny. It was meant to be disturbing. The funny could be there, but it shouldn’t be the focus.
And I tossed the outline and started with the premise: realtor spies on his clients… and then what?
I was overthinking it, as I tend to do, so I decided outlining was a bad idea and I just started writing. The first line I wrote, for reasons I don’t know, was “Cats like cream and little boys dream.” And the story unfolded from there. I added a gross fetish (which is a nod to a teacher I had in high school who had a similar quirk) and Elwin was born.
So, the idea of realtor watching his clients is perfect, but we all know watching is never enough.
I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. While it’s not a comedy, it’s pretty dark and weird, so I think Dave would approve.
Advertisements
