Renee Miller's Blog, page 21

Procrastinating is Hard Work

I’ll mention again that I’ve decided to list THE LEGEND OF JACKSON MURPHY and IN THE BONES (e-book version only) free this week. FREE!! So go, get them, share the good news and leave a review if you feel so inclined. While I’m supposed to be editing, I’ll keep checking my social media pages, breathlessly awaiting someone’s acknowledgement of their freeness.

Procrastination is possibly the thing that I do best of all the things I do. And sometimes I do a lot of stuff. Just not the stuff I’m supposed to be doing or that I should be doing. What’s kind of funny about procrastinators, though, is that we work really hard at NOT doing the things we know we should do. For example, instead of editing, I will:

Vacuum/Mop the floors
Clean the cat litter
Clean toilets
Read blog posts
Fuck around on Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest
Eat
Nap
Write blog posts

 

Now, you should understand, I’m quite possibly the worst housewife ever, so the very fact that I’ll clean ANYTHING should tell you how much of a procrastinator I am when it comes to editing, which really isn’t all that taxing. I mean, you sit your ass in a chair and stare at words. The problem is that editing reminds me what a fucktard writer I can be. No one wants that.

If I have to clean something like the garage, which requires monumental effort and always smells like death so I’m always afraid death is what I’ll find and I don’t want to find death, I procrastinate by:

Napping
Fucking around on Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest
Netflix marathon
Cutting the grass
Writing anything (Even synopses, which I hate)

You might notice that my favorite things to do are napping and fucking around. I don’t care what that says about me.

I’ve used examples of things I always avoid doing right away, but to be honest, I procrastinate over pretty much every task. It’s like genetic or something. I can’t NOT procrastinate. It could be something I really enjoy, like working on a WIP, and I’ll procrastinate. I’m actually doing it right now. But when I do finally get down to work, I do the shit out of whatever it is I put off doing. I think that’s admirable, right?

So, what about you? What is the one thing that you ALWAYS procrastinate over? If you never procrastinate, I’m afraid you can’t play in our sandbox anymore. Go on. Get out.

Tagged: freebies, In the Bones, procrastinating, The Legend of Jackson Murphy, writing

There’s Something Wrong with me … And Possibly You … Please Say It’s Not Just Me

So I’ve decided to list THE LEGEND OF JACKSON MURPHY and IN THE BONES (e-book version only) free this week. FREE!! So go, get them, share the good news and leave a review if you feel so inclined. While I’m supposed to be editing, I’ll keep checking my social media pages, breathlessly awaiting someone’s acknowledgement of their freeness.

But that’s not what’s wrong with me. Or you. It’s about my brain, and maybe your brain. I hope it’s also your brain, because otherwise, I’m too far into weird territory, and that’s probably not a good thing. But let me explain.

When I was little, I used to think I was strange, and as a kid, anything different is bad. I know better now, but back then, it was terrifying to think that someone might catch on to my weirdness and tell the world. *shudder* Everyday situations were never mundane or boring to me. (although I have to say that television watching with Dad was the exception because he watched the parliament channel and we weren’t allowed to change it—not even if he fell asleep and it was torture and awful and everything)  I used to imagine I was “outside” everything, observing but not actually involved in whatever was going on, even though I really was. In my observatory position, I’d imagine a totally different scenario. I’d consider all the things that could go wrong, or right, or insanely weird. It was troublesome because sometimes I should have been paying attention.

For example, in school, instead of listening to the lesson, I’d be imagining what might happen if the teacher tripped, and the yard stick she had in her hand fell in front of her in just the right way, and it gouged out one of her eyes, and she’d be all “Blaahhhh!” because that’s pretty much all you can say when a stick is in your eye, goring your brain and such, and the kids all freak out, because seeing someone get gored is traumatic, and the police and the paramedics come and we’d get out early. That’d be great, I’d think, and then I’d realize that the teacher would probably die and I’d feel kind of bad for imagining it. Then I’d hate my brain because if it actually happened, would it be my fault for thinking of the possibility? I mean, it wasn’t impossible but had I not thought of it, the possibility might never have occurred to the universe, and so the teacher would be okay. And then the bell would ring and I’d be all “Damn. I have no idea what we just learned, but recess!” and it’d be all forgotten.

My brain still works like that.

Just today I saw this guy sitting on a bench. He wasn’t weird-looking in any way. Actually, he was passably attractive, clean and reasonably well-dressed. I don’t think he’d have smelled bad if I had to stand behind him in line, but anyway, he was just sitting there, with his phone in his hand, not doing much. As I walked past, he said hello, I said hello, because that’s how Canadians roll, and I kept walking. Then my mind wandered to what said guy might really be doing on that bench. Everything around me vanished and I was inside my head (again). I couldn’t have told you what happened on the street if something worth noticing did happen. Instead I was visualizing the things my imagination concocted. What if he’s a serial killer who picks his victims or plans his kills on benches? What if he’s watching is next victim, just waiting for her to come out of the bank? What if he’s been killing people for his whole life and he’ll never be caught because he looks so fucking normal, and I just walked by and said hello like there was not a damn thing wrong with him? That’s like saying “Hey man, it’s okay if you kill folks for shits and giggles. I’ll still be nice to you.” Or what if before that, he was rethinking his path in life, considering giving up the killing and such, because he just wants to be liked and normal. What if by saying hello, and not derisively snarling at him like I do sometimes to creepy people, I changed his mind about changing his life? Oh. My. God.

And then I was all, “That’s just stupid.” And someone else caught my eye. A woman, whom I and a friend refer to as “American Woman” and that’s all I’m giving you on that one, was standing at the grocery store with her boyfriend. They’re all “Nguh…” because they don’t speak very well without teeth, and I’m all “Shudder.” I walk by, holding my breath, because the really smell awful, and I imagine what their everyday life must be like. Are they like everyone else? Doesn’t smell like their day begins with a shower, but it might begin with a coffee or whatever. Maybe they’re actually some kind of supernatural shit in disguise and my breath-holding, eye-contact-avoiding ways are only going to ensure that I’m on the boat no one wants to be on when the shit hits the fan and the apocalypse arrives (because it’s totally going to be caused by something supernatural. I know it). Should I walk back down the aisle and say hello this time? Then I see Cigarette Butt lady, and she’s slobbering. She could be a supernatural too, but you know… it’s just not worth it. I get my shit and I go home. It’s safer at home.

But is it? You don’t even want to know the shit I imagine in the garage… wait, you do want to know, because I write that stuff down for you.

What about the rest of you? Is this an issue only I have? Do you walk around all trapped inside your head like this? How do you turn it off? Seriously. I’d like to turn it off now and then and I can’t.

Tagged: fiction, freebies, In the Bones, my brain, sanity, The Legend of Jackson Murphy, writing

What’s Your Genre: Why Not Have Your Cake and Eat It because It’s Cake and You Should Always Eat Cake

As even the slow kids can see by looking at this site, I write in more than one genre, and I use the same name – my name – to do so. The decision to not settle on a genre took a long time, and a few “settling” mishaps in which I nearly died inside. No, seriously, I’m not exaggerating. I really almost died, because in choosing a single genre to focus on, I felt like a vital part of my soul was being asked to shut the fuck up.

But what does that mean? Why should you care? You don’t have to, but I think it’s important to know how you’re going to approach your “brand” as a writer. Genre is a tricky bitch. You pick the wrong one, and you’re trapped in a horrible nightmare much like a bad marriage or a lover you just can’t shake. People like to jam you into your designated hole and you’re not supposed to leave or even consider visiting your neighbor’s hole. (You went there, didn’t you) So some authors attempt to write under a pen name, so that they can write in a new genre without the whispers and giggles from the peanut gallery. It’s sad, because they’re basically starting over again, when they should be able to use the name they worked damn hard to brand. It’d be cool if they could show the world they’ve got more than one flavor of goodness up their sleeves.

So, after much thought and almost going with a pen name for my paranormal romance fiction (which I’d like to add isn’t icky, squishy, fluffy romance, if that’s what you’re looking for), I said, “What a damn minute. Why would I do that? It’s not like the two genres are that different.” You see, there are elements in all of my writing that are the same. These elements would tie my work to my name no matter what genre label you want to slap on it. I think this is true of most writers.

I am fascinated by the paranormal. I like it all, but Greek mythology, in particular, tickles my muse. It’s got everything: immortality, gods, demons, nymphs/fairies, vampirism, zombie shit; all the paranormal. The sexy side of Greek mythology, which is pretty much all its sides, makes it a natural fit for romance.

I’m also fascinated by the real world, and how we say we’re good people, but what if we didn’t have to be? Would we still resist the urge to cut a throat or something equally illegal but less “go straight to hell” worthy? These stories don’t easily accept the paranormal, so they have to be straight crime/suspense-type fiction. There’s room for romance in them, but the tension is best when you let the romance be a seasoning rather than the entire meal.

My initial reviews for IN THE BONES included words like violence, profanity, sex, tension, and whatnot. That’s what every book I write contains to some degree. Sometimes one outweighs the rest, other times they’re there in equal measures.  But these things are always there, no matter what genre I write.

I like tension. I love nail-biting anticipation. This can be accomplished many ways in fiction writing, so I can write in a dozen genres and still have tension or suspense as a major part of each story. I also like realistic dialogue. The folks I know use real words in a real way – and that includes words that aren’t polite. Even if they don’t actually say the words, they definitely think them from time to time. I try to be creative with my swears, allowing the words used suit the character. While they’re fun, f-bombs should be used sparingly, or they’ll lose their effect, so you have to find new ways of cursing or you’re no longer adding color. You’re just swearing.

I also include a romance of some kind. It might a minor part of the story, or it might be what the entire thing hinges on; depends on the story. But someone is loving someone else in my books in some way, even if that love happens one time or entirely in a character’simagination. Tied in with that romance is sex. Gotta have at least one sex scene. Maybe I’m a perv, but I like sex in my stories. It’s like the third dimension of three-dimensional characters for me. If they don’t at least imagine sex, I feel like they’re weird and incomplete.

And of course, there’s the violence. There’s at least one illegal, violent, cringe-worthy event, whether it’s a murder, a fight, a riot, the verbal tearing of a new asshole… something to get the blood boiling.

I’m kind of inappropriate for children.

I’m also told that no matter what I write, my voice is too obviously mine to successfully pull of anonymity with my “fans.” I don’t really have fans, but I have readers who enjoy reading for me, so that’s what I’m calling them because this is my blog and I wish to say “fans” instead of “readers” because it makes me feel important. You stop your judging.

What I’m curious about is how many others write in multiple genres using a single name? Do you? Are there major elements a reader would recognize in all of your work? What are those elements?

Tagged: cake, characters, crime, fiction, genre, humor, paranormal, suspense, voice

Fun Facts: 5 of the Many Animals That Practice Homosexuality | Top5.com

It really irks me to read articles where folks spout the whole, “Homosexuality goes against the natural order” or “God is anti-gay.” First of all, unless you can provide me proof of this direct line you have to your god, you really shouldn’t speak for him or her. Second, the animal kingdom kind of says you’re wrong.

Researching this article for Top 5 took a really long time because I was fascinated by how the “natural world” (aka: the animal kingdom) doesn’t put boundaries or rules on sexuality. They do what they do and it’s not all about reproduction. Sex is a natural thing that SHOULD be about pleasure, emotion, and (gasp!) fun. Making babies is just a bonus.

5 Animals That Practice Homosexuality | Top5.com.

Tagged: animals, bighorn sheep freak me out, fun facts, homosexuality, top5, writing

Controversy, Offensive Behavior, Trends and the Rest of the Shit that Boggles My Mind

 

Gone are the days of the usual literary shitstorms. We’ve all decided to agree to disagree on the self-publishing vs. traditional debate, or some of us have decided that we like both sides of the fence enough to stop our tirades. So it’s all cooled off. For now…

We don’t seem to care about celebrities publishing books they never wrote, getting buckets of cash for doing nothing but slapping their name on the cover. Meh. They’re celebrities. They could turn their shit into money, right? Who cares? No one anymore.

We’re not too concerned about sex in YA fiction or even video game violence. Those debates got old, but they’ll return. Until then, what does the online world do? How does one become properly and righteously offended? It’s pretty easy apparently. You make your own controversy.

I’m not criticizing the making of controversial shit. I’m not afraid of it and I offend people without even meaning to most of the time. I have the word “Fuck” permanently inked on my body, so I’m used to that holier-than-thou look of the offended. It’s quite amusing, actually. But in general, I avoid the ‘regular’ news feeds and a lot of book-related newsy-type publications because, quite frankly, I can’t resist going to the comments and that’s where the offended people lurk. Offended people annoy me, because they make controversial shit out of articles, events, etc. that shouldn’t really be controversial. If you’re going to make a big deal out of something, let’s make sure it’s actually a big deal.

This morning, for example, I found links to this article all over the Internet. It’s got like 1000 (or close to) comments that range from folks that are offended for to those that are offended at women who breastfeed in public. It’s an old debate and one that will probably never go away because folks have weird reactions to tits. They’re sexualized, which to me is like “Duh,” because of course they’re sexual. They’re boobs! But because of this sexualisation (which in itself offends some people) a woman flopping a nipple out to feed her child sparks debate. Forget about looking away or you know, minding your business. People are all over that pornographic Mama and her sexy breastfeeding ways. Sigh. It is what it is and what it will probably always be. What has me scratching my head is that the writer of the article, while articulate and funny in his point-making, isn’t saying anything new. He’s offering some common sense advice, but it’s not new. Many women have said the same things in defense of public breastfeeding. Why the big-as-fuck reaction now? I don’t know. I guess there aren’t as many bandwagons to jump on these days, so we’re grasping at straws. I’m not criticizing. After all, I’m at least running behind your wagon by mentioning the article. So there’s that.

Maybe some of you think I’m grasping too by saying you’re overreacting. Maybe I am. I shouldn’t be so annoyed at the overreaction of others, but I’m an irritable type of person. Let’s look at another example. Remember murder-abduction suspect James Lee DiMaggio? Yesterday it was reported that he was killed by authorities in Idaho. I said “Fan-fucking-tastic” because I’m all for the quickest, cheapest resolution possible to such problems. He killed people. He wasn’t turning himself in. While I’m glad I didn’t have to be the one to pull the trigger, he wasn’t giving authorities much choice. I believe in the death penalty, which probably offends all kinds of people. They can get in line behind the anti-abortionists and the anti-gay campaigners. I’m in disagreement with them as well.

Anyway, news agencies reported, with much relief, that the teenager he kidnapped (should I write “allegedly” to make everyone happy?) was found safe. I read several articles about this since the initial Amber Alert hoopla (more in a minute on that) because I wanted to know if the kids were safe. When I read the comments attached to the articles announcing DiMaggio’s death, I was disgusted at the number of people actually trying to make further controversy out of it. Whatever happened to you know, not judging and such things? Many commenters accused 16-year-old Hannah Anderson of being part of the murders of her mother and brother, and other equally negative shit. I have to wonder at their lack of productive things to do with their time.

On the whole Amber Alert shitstorm; I must ask why this was even a shitstorm. Comments to a few articles and blog posts about this Amber Alert made me seriously consider whether humanity as a whole isn’t suffering from a serious case of heads-in-our-ass. When I consider the possibility of pissing people off with an Amber Alert they could do nothing about because they’re sleeping/tired/whatever after being jolted awake by an Amber Alert on their phone, I can’t bring myself to give a single fuck about their annoyance. I wish my phone did this. As a parent, I would rather inconvenience thousands of people who can’t help my child than risk missing that one person who is working the night shift at the gas station where my child’s abductor stopped to get gas. I bet if this was a tornado or hurricane alert that woke people up to save their own asses, no one would consider it annoying. But we’re human, right? It’s hard to look beyond our own bubble.

Either way, the whole thing should have been trending on Twitter because folks were sharing the information, not because folks were all “OMG! Why am I getting this alert?! How do I stop it? It’s so fucking inconvenient and annoying.”

And just when I thought we’d reached the end of our grasping at offensive straws rope, the book review/author bullying shit started again. Originally this was a huge shitstorm in mid- to late 2012, but folks, I’ve noticed it seems to be coming back.

Bullying on review sites like Goodreads and Amazon has apparently never stopped, as proven by the wonderfully retarded and unproductive campaigns that are ongoing for a number of groups. Why do I call it unproductive and retarded? Because no one is getting anywhere. Instead they’re all looking like assholes. No one is changing anything for the better. Most of these groups are using the same tactics they’re speaking out against. This site was set up by so-called “readers, bloggers, and Goodreads members (not authors)”who want to “take a stand” against the bullying they’ve seen on Goodreads and other review sites. Their mission is to “expose the outrageous behaviour of those commonly known as the GR bullies.”

Ahem…

Listen, I’m not going to say that readers or groups of readers don’t target authors in smear campaigns. There are authors and groups of authors who target reviewers too. Authors target each other. It’s a big messy Internet stew of immaturity and insanity. I’m far from naïve and I know it happens, but holy shit you guys, is this the answer? I don’t think so, because there are also groups of authors and fans that attack reviewers in the same manner. It’s a no-win situation that just repeats round and round in a vicious little circle. Attacking in response to an attack doesn’t change a single action, thought or belief. Trust me. I have a volatile enough temper to know this firsthand. The site I linked to outs these alleged bullies by posting online public information, screen-captures, and the bully’s personal information (real name, etc.) This is really a shit-tastic way of dealing with bullying. Seriously. If you’re out to make changes, let’s not engage in the very activities you’re working against. And can we agree not to hide behind anonymity when we do so?

As The Guardian’s Alison Flood wrote when this crap first made the Interweb gossip mill:  

Good god. It’s mirrors within mirrors, worlds within worlds, the (outed) bullies (anonymously) bullied. I’m not sure any more who is doing the bullying – authors bullying reviewers, reviewers bullying authors, readers bullying reviewers – but it’s certainly leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

I could go on and on about this one because the term “bullying” is one I take seriously and I’m not sure the folks on either side are entirely accurate in their application of the term. However, I won’t. This post is long enough and I’m getting dangerously close to the very mountain-making I so hate.

Some of these headlines and debates may be close to your heart, and maybe it’s offensive to you that I consider them unworthy of the time and attention they’ve been given. You have the right to be pissed at me or whatever floats your boat. I understand. But the fact remains that we as a society—or maybe as a species in general—take far too much pleasure in being offended or angry at perceived wrongs. We make too many mountains.  Mountains require a lot of time and energy, and they’re so big we can’t see other, more interesting stuff. I’m anti-mountain. Mole hills are neat and tidy and you can step on them when you’re tired of looking at them. Also, moles seem happy. They’re here in my garage and they’re quite well-adjusted and calm. True, they eat the garbage, but they’re animals.

But seriously, I’ve even seen heated debates (by heated I mean profanity-slinging and name calling) start in the comment threads of articles discussing the evils/merits of gluten. Gluten! I mean, what the fuck? I’ve seen threats made over discussions of genre and gender in fiction. Are you people for real?

I guess issues like climate change, poverty, war, or the Russian Olympic shitstorm are too hot for some of our delicate sensibilities?  

Let’s be upset about things like this. The level of stupidity involved in getting one’s penis stuck in a wrench is worthy of discussion. I mean, when and how did we become this dumb? Is it the water? Pollution? Genetic anomalies? Could be a government conspiracy designed to make us all into obedient sheep. This is serious. We should be offended that people read mediocre erotica and are inspired to put things in their whatnots. Boobs in public? Pfft. If I had the boobs I had after my kids were born, I’d offend you all by showing them off whenever I could. And I wouldn’t be breastfeeding.

Tagged: boobs, controversy, get over it, headlines, humor, offensive

The Legend of Jackson Murphy Book Trailer

Book trailer by Lauren Stone. (https://www.writer.ly/userprofile/writerviewuserportfolio.aspx)

The Legend of Jackson Murphy

Book trailer by Lauren Stone. (https://www.writer.ly/userprofile/writerviewuserportfolio.aspx)

You’re All Nuts, but Apparently So Am I So It’s All Good

My favorite thing about blogging is going through my stats. I like to look up search terms mostly, because it’s really fascinating to see how people find my blog. I’ve been making note of the most interesting search terms that led folks here to the Edge, and guys, if any of you used these, you might be a tad strange… but considering those terms brought you here, I suppose I’m a little strange too.

The term “writers are weird” was searched many, many times, and Google said, “Writers and weird? Well, here’s where you need to be.”

This term was also used in a few more versions, like “Why are writers so weird?” Not so bad, but I have to wonder at folks searching such a term. Are you looking for validation for your own weirdness? Do you know a weird writer? Do you wish you were weird? Are you trying not to be weird? Whatever your reasons, I hope you’re glad it brought you here to me. If you’re not, I suppose it sucks to be you, right?

Love Interests

Okay, so this is the most searched term that seems to direct people here, which is hilarious to me. There are a few versions of it, including:

love interest in ya fiction

writing “love interests”

character love interest

creating a love interest

my character and interests

The first one made me laugh out loud. “in ya fiction” Jesus… funny shit. I hope that first of all, the person who typed “in ya fiction” is not a writer, and second, that the rest of you found what you were hoping to find. I suppose I have a few posts dedicated to love, romance and character, so there might be at least one useful thing for everyone to take away. If not… well that’s how shit rolls.

I think the one that puzzled me most is “she is definitely inhuman.” It was searched more than once, guys. Google said, “Yes, I agree.” and brought them here. I don’t even know what to do with that.   

Of course, that brings me to the WTF? search terms, and there are many. I’ll give you the top seven:

art by the time you’re writing renee (I don’t even know what this means)
edge rita sex (I’m going to blame Rita Webb for this one, I think. Unless some random Rita is having edgy sex somewhere on the Interwebs. If so, someone’s pretty disappointed in what they found…)
np ilscm 2013  (Anyone? I searched this myself and got a big fat nothing.)
is incest an element of fiction (The short answer: No.)
is pantsing a crime (Depends on whether we’re talking about writing or forcing someone to flash people.)
jack lalane told his wife your to pretty to smoke  (I’m pretty sure this person didn’t get what they were looking for, blame Jack)
jack white sociopath (Jack Murphy is still causing some problems, apparently)

Near the bottom of the list was “tattoos for women that aren’t cliché” which made me think of the post in which I revealed my “Fuck it” tattoo and I wonder how that was received. It’s not cliché, but is it what this searcher was hoping to find?

These search terms probably pale in comparison to what you’d find in a writer’s browser history. Last week I did a massive search on terms like “Gay animals” and “homosexual wildlife” so I can only guess what an uninformed person might glean from that. By the way, said terms give you a very enlightening journey through the Internet. I also searched “bacon lingerie,” “serial killers,” “immortality” and “how to avoid getting killed on a first date.”

While writing Jack and In the Bones, I searched things like “The perfect crime,” “fire starting,” “staging suicides” and “how to commit a crime without getting caught.” Oh and we can’t forget the “sexual deviance” searches. That was fun. If there are government entities tracking our movements (and you all know there are), I wonder how often you can search this stuff before their little sensors go “Holy fuck, we have a psycho!” Must be disappointing to have a red flag waved only to find it’s some pajama-wearing nerd type messing around in her garage.

 

Tagged: blogging, fiction, google, jack, tattoos, weird, writing

Something Awesome Happened Last Week and I Already Told Everyone, But Here We Are…

If you don’t follow me on Twitter or Facebook, then you won’t know my good news. Right? Right. So let’s begin before the good news, right around where I was FED UP with querying agents, publishers and such.

So I’ve been writing for a long time and I’ve been querying for a long time. I have a stack of finished books and another stack of books “in progress.” The pile just kept getting bigger and I was getting nowhere with the “traditional” way of doing things. I wondered often if perhaps I’d built a giant pile of shit but was too stupid to realize it. But then I’d say, “Renee, you don’t write shit. Maybe no one wants to read it, but it’s not horrible.” So on I went.

Then I became fascinated with the hybrid publishing model. At first I was all, “Pick a side, motherfuckers. You can’t have your cake, etc.” But then I really examined what these authors were doing. Some published traditionally and then self-published backlists or new genres, while still publishing other work with a publisher. This was interesting. Then I noticed authors who’d self-published to build a reader base. They later signed with a publisher, but still self-published some titles. Some stopped self-publishing all together. (my computer just autocorrected that to “all tighter” which is weird.)

So, at the beginning of this year (2013, if you’re reading this in the distant future and I’m dead or something), I said fuck it. I’m doing it. And I published IN THE BONES myself. It’s done very well. I’d like more reviews (Hint) but sales are steady. Since I had another book pretty much ready, I said fuck it again and published THE LEGEND OF JACKSON MURPHY in June. Again, it’s steadily selling, although I won’t be hiring my houseboy just yet. (again, reviews, hint)

I was going to publish the first novel in a paranormal series I’ve been working on in November. But one night a couple of months ago, my gut said “No. Not yet.” And I was all, “What are you saying? I can’t not publish it. People like it.” To which my gut replied, “It’s good, numbnuts. At least try to query it.”

So I chose a publisher, a small press, that I’d been keeping tabs on, and they actually wanted to read LUCKY. I nearly passed out in shock. I think I did lose consciousness momentarily. Anyway, I sent the manuscript and of course I waited. And waited. And just when I was sure I was going to implode, they sent me an email. They wanted to publish LUCKY.

I did a mental dance, but then my gut said, “Whoa there, buckwheat. Wait until you see the contract.” Because I’ve been offered contracts before, and they were not at all fair or even good. So I had to decline and it was sad and we all cried. Sigh. So I waited for the contract…

And it was good. It’s not “let’s party” awesome, but it’s fair. This is a small press, so advances and whatnot are impossible. They do produce amazing covers and their authors are all very positive and all the things I’m not. So it’s okay to celebrate a little.

I signed. I mailed it. I puked. Now I’m good.

LUCKY (if that is still the title upon publication) will be published by a real, honest-to-god publisher in 2014. I am happy.

In the meantime, I’m working on editing DIRTY TRUTHS, which I will publish myself. More on that next time.

 

 

Tagged: contracts, hybrid, Lucky, phew, publishing, queries

Safe Dating Tip Number 1: Serial Killers are not keepers

I write for a site called Top5.com. Thought I’d explain why I share these links on here from time to time. When I particularly enjoy writing an article, I like to share it with you guys. Like this one, which is helpful if you’re still in the dating pool. You never know how many cray-crays are out there. So, here are my tips to avoid ending up in the trunk of his car or a dark corner of her basement.

5 Inventive Ways to Make Sure Your Date Isn't a Serial Killer | Top5.com.

Tagged: dating, humor, top5, writing