Joyce E. Davis's Blog, page 3

Parenting Advice: What to do when someone pulls a gun on you....

Three hours after the Trayvon Martin verdict was delivered, I finally remembered that a gun had been pulled on me once. At my front door. By a police officer.





I'd called to report a break in that happened while I was upstairs in the home I own in a working-class, all-black neighborhood. While I was preparing for bed, an intruder had removed a screen and opened a window to enter into my kitchen downstairs. When the alarm went off he apparently fled (though not immediately). Thanking God that my child was not in the house, I was afraid to come downstairs. After waiting for 20 minutes on hold with 911 on my landline, I dialed emergency services on my cell. Forty minutes later, with both phones to my ears, I answered the door.




An African-American police officer had his gun pointed at me. I don't remember the conversation. I do remember being frozen in my PJs and night hat, not wanting to move a muscle, and answering "Yes, sir" and "No, sir" to his questions. Much later I wondered if he really could have thought that I was the intruder. And just now I'm wondering what his experience must have been like policing a relatively high crime neighborhood for him to respond to a breaking and entering call by aiming his gun at the person whose doorbell he rang. 




I have a habit of blocking out - submitting to self-imposed amnesia - traumatic events in my life. Lots of high school experiences, along with that night with the policeman and his frightening gun, live somewhere locked inside my subconscious. Those imprisoned memories escape sometimes when they are unleashed by emotional occurrences that render my defenses useless. 




Yes. I could probably use some (more) therapy.





 







This Trayvon verdict triggered a prison break - jogged a purposefully banished memory of my own interaction with someone who'd pointed a gun at me. Someone who looked like my brother. It's still fuzzy, but whatever my reaction was to this threat, I survived it because of any and all of the following: God's protection, my parents' coaching, my common sense, the policeman's effectiveness and maybe even luck. I'm thankful for all. 




But I'm also scared, saddened and disappointed that I and every other parent of a child of color - especially those raising black boys - has to teach their children what to do if someone means to do them harm because of the color of their skin and their gender. 




I'm smart and I'm not naive. But I honestly was not thinking I'd have to hammer this point home as hard as my parents did with me and especially my brother in the eighties. 




I'm up for the challenge and the responsibility because 1. It's the cost of parenting a black child, and 2. I really don't have a choice. You have to teach these hard lessons and pray, pray, pray to God that the stars align and your child will live to thrive, be happy, pursue their passion, and make a difference in this world. 









I was all twisted up inside tonight listening to MSNBC commentator Joy Reid, an African American parent of two sons age 11 and 13, discuss what to tell her children about the verdict. Her pre-teen son actually asked her what he should do if someone was following him and I identified with her feeling of helplessness as she struggled to come up with an answer. 




I also identified with my mother's response to the verdict: "I'm in total sadness, and motherly grief." As a parent, I was immediately moved by her words. The level of parental grief felt by Trayvon's parents must be a powerful hurt scraping the depths of their souls. I don't know how they bear the loss of him or this verdict. 









Parenting in general is no joke. In my book there is no more important and rewarding responsibility you can undertake. Some of the most serious parenting lessons that black parents MUST teach their children are those about how to be safe in this racially charged society. I think having to have these hard discussions makes some of us stronger, but they can also be damaging to our spirits. 




Race matters, people. It always has. And I don't see it changing in my lifetime or that of my daughter's. So to stay encouraged and vigilant, we have to keep ourselves around positive people, influences and organizations who are committed to justice, #Justice4Trayvon and everyone.






Listening to this panel on the Melissa Harris Perry Show discussing what it means to raise black children today, I am more conscience than ever of the need to stay engaged, active and prayed up. Because, like several of my Facebook friends who posted about arming their sons with a list of what to do when pulled over by the police, I have to be thorough in preparing my child for the dangerous situations she'll probably encounter.



Below is an article where a parent discusses how he is continually educating his black son about staying safe in this world.  Please share what you're teaching the children you parent, as well as the actions you're taking to stay positive, effect change, and continue Enjoyceinglife. 




Peace. 

Guess how long it took for women tennis players to get equal pay at Wimbledon?

Nearly 40 years. From 1968 to 2007. From activist-athletes Billie Jean King to Venus Williams. That's how long it took for women tennis players to receive equal awards for winning Wimbledon.









If you get a chance to watch the fabulous documentary "Venus VS," directed by wonderful filmmaker Ava DuVernay and airing on ESPN, you will be moved. King's and Williams' brave stances and activism resulted in a groundbreaking change in women's rights that took entirely too long to come to fruition. The film, a part of ESPN Film's Nine for IX series, chronicles the important physical, emotional, traumatic and socio-political challenges that Williams faced and overcame during her rise to the pinnacle of women's tennis. It was just riveting. I learned so much. 









Here are a few tweets I sent during the premiere via @Enjoyceinglife: 




"'Venus VS' came from Venus' ultimate game -@Venuseswilliams & her relationship to #Wimbledon."-filmmaker @AVAETC @espnw @ESPNFilms @30for30




Why does it take so long 4 people 2 recognize there should b equality across the board?-filmmaker @AVAETC on @Venuseswilliams @ESPN @30for30




How must it feel 2 b 1 of those 1999 male tennis players watching urself saying women players should b happy being paid less? @ESPN #VenusVS




I think we are in a bygone era of athletes & activism...branding & endorsements discourage that. - #VenusVS dir. @AVAETC @ESPN









Wow. RT @PoliticalJones: RT @30for30: 2013 marks the first #Wimbledon without @VenusesWilliams since 1996. #VenusVS @ESPNStatsInfo @ESPN




@NewsHour: How has the world of sports changed 4women over time? @AVAETC & @cbrennansports sit down w/ @gwenifill http://to.pbs.org/1az5FE2 




"How can it be that #Wimbledon finds itself on the wrong side of history?" @Venuseswilliams n @TheTimes abt #Tennis #EqualPay #VenusVS @ESPN




It took from 1968 to 2007 - nearly 40 years - for #Wimbledon to award #EqualPay to #women #tennis players. Great doc @AVAETC! #VenusVS @ESPN



See a preview of the documentary here. And keep Enjoyceinglife!

New UNCF Branding Swaps Community Activist Language For Wall Street Lingo

The message of the UNCF's new #BetterFutures campaign "is straightforward. Public service announcements...feature stories of real students who speak about their college aspirations. "My name is Sidney, and I am your dividend," one young woman says, holding up a stock-market ticker." - "United Negro College Fund Updates Its Slogan, and Its Brand," The Chronicle of Higher Education



The United Negro College Fund has adopted a new message for potential donors: Think of students as investments.




Articles on NPR and in the Chronicle of Higher Education  explore how the UNCF is modernizing their iconic tagline - "A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste," by adding "But a Wonderful Thing to Invest In." While ending any sentence in a preposition bothers the writer in me, I'm wondering if their intended target audience - younger, wealthier donors - will be engaged by their new "Invest in Better Futures" campaign.



Even though I'm annoyed that the Chronicle seems to have misspelled Sydni's name in their article, check out their coverage and NPR's if you get a chance. The Chronicle piece has interesting stats about how the UNCF spent four years developing their new campaign based on research from their UNCF Case Study / Stock for Social Change (video below) like $10 invested in education for African-American students today will produce $102 worth of benefits for society.














The NPR piece includes has some early UNCF ads (like one below directed by Spike Lee with a voice-over from Samuel Jackson) and asks readers about how they'd solicit donations for the UNCF. Some of the campaign suggestions in the comments are creative.










I'm a fan of good storytelling. I'm not sure if the new ad I watched tells a story, but it does offer a different perspective on philanthropy based in return on investment. I guess the ad is not aimed at me because while I still consider myself young, I'm definitely not wealthy, so I'm not in their target audience. 




I'd love to hear your ideas. Or just your feedback on what you think of their new campaign.



For those who don't know much about the UNCF, here's a bit of primer from the articles: One of the 150 largest philanthropies in the country, the UNCF is the recipient of $150-$160 million a year in donations. More than half of the students who receive scholarship money from the UNCF are the first in their families to attend college, and most come from families with incomes of less than $25,000 a year. The organization founded in 1944 aims to expand its 300,000-donor base to hand out more scholarships and grants to minority students, especially as college costs rise and many historically black colleges and universities face financial struggles.





On an odd note, watching their new ad (below), I noticed the featured student walking past an urban art mural, "Never Give Up," that is in my neighborhood. Life can be so surprising sometimes. Keep on Enjoyceinglife. It's rarely boring. 










Click here to see all of the videos in the #UNCF's #BetterFutures PSA campaign.

What is the best fictional biography you've ever read?

What is the best fictional biography you've ever read? 



I’m doing some research and would love suggestions.



The best I've read so far is “Douglass’ Women” by Jewell Parker Rhodes. Phenomenal!



So what’s yours? Thanks for whatever recommendations you can provide.



And keep on Enjoyceinglife - with a good book - whenever you get a chance!

My Daughter Gave Me the Middle Finger

"Mommy, what does this mean?" I looked in the back seat and my rising second grader was giving me the middle finger. I calmly replied, "It's like a curse word that means forget you, or I don't care about you. It's not nice and don't do it again."



I thought for a second and added, "I'm so glad you asked me what it meant. Did someone do that to you?"



"A girl at camp told me it meant God is bad," she explained.



"Well, I've never heard that before. But like I said, it's not nice, so don't do it again."



"Okay," she said. I watched her pondering my response. A minute later she announced, "I don't believe her, Mommy. I believe you."



And then she segued right into sharing how yet another red robin had landed on a tree outside her bedroom window.



Yesterday, she snuck some candy (stuffed in a wallet placed under her tunic and in her leggings!) to camp. When I caught her (walking funny), I initially defaulted to the standard punishment - no doing whatever it was she wanted to do that evening (bike riding, iPad playing, TV watching), and writing a few sentences about what she did wrong, why it was wrong, and the better choice she'd make next time.



As she was writing, another approach crossed my mind - one that was informed by my own misbehavior 35 years ago. I regaled her with my criminal past: the story of how I was caught by my mother at about the same age stealing one Now & Later candy out of the pack from a grocery store. I hid it in my sandal. Of course, it fell out while we were walking and I suffered dire consequences.



The take-away for my teary-eyed child was the importance of trust and integrity, and how deception is the cousin of lying. I could tell I made a good decision about my reaction to her infraction because of her genuine interest in my story and her verbal response: "I will never, ever, ever, ever do it again."



She's clever and crafty, like her mama. So I don't necessarily believe that she'll never dabble in the untruths or misrepresentations again. But it won't be in the same way. She's learning about values. And that's a win in my parenting book.



Lessons for the last two days: Every question from your child can be a learning opportunity for you both.  And, utilize the best approach to get the lesson learned.



Keep on Enjoyceinglife. It's rewarding.

I Can't Believe I Rejoined MySpace

"If I'm not communicating, I'm not awake."


I have absolutely no idea what got into me today. Well that's not exactly true. No. 1: A co-worker raved about how the new MySpace was really great with all these bells and whistles and stuff and I just could not resist. Now I deleted my MySpace account years ago. But one visit to the souped up Justin Timberlake-owned music site resulted in me signing up, connecting it to a few of my other social media accounts, and promptly posting this tweet to Twitter:







No. 2: Andre Benjamin is still like Kryptonite to me. I was already weak from the new visually stimulating MySpace. When JT threw this Dre playlist on me, I was done.



But that was not the end of my social media exploits today. Oh noooo. I was on a roll. When I saw a friend's engaging About.Me profile on Twitter, it triggered my own long-held interest in creating one, too. Twenty minutes later I had the framework for what I completed this evening.









But did I stop at MySpace and About.Me? Somehow I got sucked into signing up for Quora when I was adding Facebook friends in About.Me and one had a Quora profile link. Friends can be so dangerous. I had to Google Quora to find out its exact purpose. The premise seems cool, a community-curated Q&A site started by two former Facebook employees.




I have a problem, folks. A social media problem. In the last week or so, the magazine lover and information junkie in me has signed up for FlipBoard (which I am really digging) and reengaged with the fabulously updated Flickr. Now I already have Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Google+, YouTube, Pinterest, and Storify. And I know I'm forgetting some site. Oh yes, this blog. I think I need an intervention. 




But the truth is I don't want one. And that may be a problem as well. Aside: Working with the incredible journalist and author Tananarive Due at Spelman College has been such a joy over the past year. But I think the best thing she's said to me so far was at our first get-to-know-each-other lunch:




Paraphrasing -> "Sometimes I get the same high from social media that I get from reading a good story."




That quote is burned in my brain because I feel the exact same way. I love to communicate across various platforms - and not just digitally. Check out my About.Me page and you'll see what I mean. And life is really my intervention. Often when I develop an interest in a new social media platform, I ditch another one or two. I recently deleted numerous apps on my phone, unsubscribed from at least a dozen email newsletters, and I've been on an unfriending binge for the last few weeks. 




And for the most part I've got my priorities in tact. There have been days in a row (!!!) when parenting and work-related deadlines have prevented me from real-time posting (thank you HootSuite). While I did sign up for three social media platforms today in the span of my lunchtime, I still managed to conduct an interview, write an article, and update Inside Spelman. 




I have to admit that I am suffering a bit from a shortened attention span (horrible for a writer who loves to read). But I've got a plan: As much as I hate to do it, I'm going to be more purposeful and organized about my social media engagement - and more frequent disengagement. This approach is part of a larger assessment I'm working on this summer. 




So who thinks I can do it? Who thinks I can post less on social media?




I hope I'm not the only one with my hand raised. 




Keep on Enjoyceinglife. It's a blast. 

The Elusive Black Surfer

Tonight my 1st grade daughter's fluency practice story was about a boy who dreamed of being a surfer. She'd never heard of surfing before, so I cued up some videos on YouTube of children surfing.












And, of course, she asked if girls surfed. I found some videos of women surfing.













Then she asked if Black girls surfed. I had no idea how difficult it would be to find videos of Black girls surfing....Black women surfing....Black people surfing. While I did come up with a few videos (mostly promos for documentaries about Blacks and surfing), there just aren't very many. 









In those twenty minutes, I did get a quick history - via videos - of Blacks and surfing, which dates back to Ghanaians surfing off the coast of West Africa before the slave trade as far as I could quickly see from documentary promos. There are several Black surfing organizations, as well. So I want to find more videos and websites. 











My baby said she'd love to "do that," meaning try surfing. So I'll be doing more research. And somehow make her wish come true - even though we live in land-locked Georgia. I see traveling for this wish fulfillment.












I'm ecstatic she wanted to try it even though she didn't see anyone like her surfing. Exposure and confidence are powerful tools. 









Below are a few videos and websites I found about Black people and surfing. If you've got more, please share. And keep on Enjoyceinglife. It's great!



WEBSITES:



Black Surfing Association



Black Surfing Network



Black Girls Surf



Surf Girls Jamaica



Black People Don't Surf



Ghana Surfing Association






VIDEOS:



Soul on a Wave (documentary)










Black Surfer Documentary (A Soul Surfer's Quest) - Teaser




White Wash - Official Trailer




Black Surfing History KCAL9 News





U.S. Open of Surfing 2012 Sal Masekela on his Post Heat Win North Side





Sal Masekela's Waves




Black Surfer Chick Andrea Kabwasa:  A Story to Empower Women in Abusive Relationships

"Pants on the Ground" Singer Takes on the Ku Klux Klan

The man who sang the song "Pants on the Ground" on American Idol introduced himself to me in Kroger today - right in front of the milk refrigerators. He sang the song, showed me his "Pants on the Ground" belt buckle, and told me that he'd been "all on American Idol and everywhere" and that Rep. John Lewis had given him a plaque. He struck up a conversation by telling me that he was glad he didn't go to the Boston Marathon, and showed me a plastic bag full of medals (and a few around his neck) of a bunch of marathons he said he'd attended. I was kind of perplexed, and for some reason could not turn away. It was like I was caught up in the strangeness of it all.



He also said he was going down to the Georgia state capital this Saturday to protest against the Ku Klux Klan, who would be having a rally there (and that's true. Well it's a Neo Nazi rally). I gave him a pound and told him to "Keep up the good fight!" His name is Gen. Larry Platt and he "encouraged" me to tell everyone on "Google" that he is not dead. So folks, Gen. Platt is alive - and on the case. It's been quite a day. And I'm still Enjoyceinglife - hope you are, too.




 

Appreciating My Role in Spelman College's Legacy of Educating Black Women

Today is the 132nd anniversary of the founding of Spelman College, pictured above in 1884 and 2012. While I did not attend Spelman (shout out to Howard University), I'm a native of Atlanta and spent many years attending various programs and events on this campus and others in the Atlanta University Center.






Class of 1892



Seeing women of African descent excelling intellectually and culturally has always had a profound impact on my development. After years editing consumer magazines, I never had any idea that I would end up in higher education. But I am so proud - and thankful - to work at Spelman and support the important mission of this incredible institution.






Class of 2012 


Want to know more about Spelman? Check out Inside Spelman, the digital publication that I edit for the college. Keep on Enjoyceinglife!  

Mo'Nique Told Me Love Spurred Her Weight Loss Journey

Comedian and Oscar award-winning actress Mo’Nique spoke of the moment she knew she needed to make a change in her health practices when her husband gave her a nudge about her weight gain a few years ago. “He said ‘That’s too much, baby. I want you for a lifetime. I love you so much that I can’t lie to you,” she remembered. “I had never felt that type of love before.”  - Personalizing the Wellness Revolution, Inside Spelman




That's what Mo'Nique told a packed chapel during a recent Spelman College convocation about the importance of wellness. But earlier that morning, during our interview, Mo'Nique shared that it was more than just love from her husband that spurred her into a more active and healthy lifestyle. 








"For a long time I was a child in my way of thinking. I thought that I could eat what I wanted, do what I wanted - and was reckless in the sense of abusing my body. That's when I was younger. I think that the journey I have to take now is that I have babies. I have a son 23, but I also have a son nine. And we have twins, seven. I want to meet their children. I want to be able to play with their children. I don't want to be a burden on my family due to self-neglect....I was fortunate to watch my grandmother play with my children. I want to be in the same position." -  Video: Mo'Nique Gets Personal at Spelman's Wellness Revolution  
















Having been on my own wellness journey over the past few years - and recently realizing that my path requires continuous adjustments to my fitness and nutrition practices - I was so appreciative of Mo'Nique's honesty. I've interviewed the actress numerous times about her entertainment projects, but this has been our most important conversation. Her reasons for wanting to maintain a healthy lifestyle mirror mine: I have to stay active and around for my child. I want to continue enjoying life. Being healthy makes that easier. And, of course, I want to stay fine as wine.





So when things get challenging for you, find your inspiration where ever you can. And be open, because it may show up in places that you don't expect. Check out the link at the top of this post to the piece I wrote for Inside Spelman, the digital publication I edit at Spelman, for more wise words about wellness journeys, practices and mindsets from these brave and thoughtful women below. 









I was moved by the testimony of Danielle Winfrey (far left), a senior who told the powerful story of how Spelman’s wellness program has aided her in her transformation. More about her significant weight loss, and fitness and nutrition regimen on page six of Spelman's Philanthropy Report. Panelist Tracye McQuirter (third from right), a vegan and public health nutrition expert, recounted the emotion of Danielle meeting Mo'Nique on her blog By Any Greens Necessary: 



"Danielle told Mo’Nique how she was teased as a child for being a big girl and how much Mo’Nique meant to her growing up. And now, how Mo’Nique’s weight loss journey has helped inspire Danielle to become a Wellness Scholar at Spelman, run 5k marathons, and coach her Spelman sisters to exercise more." 



Hosted by Spelman President Beverly Daniel Tatum (far right), the convocation titled "The Best Advice I Ever Got: Conversations with Wise Women," was a part of the "Black Women and the Wellness Revolution" speaker series.  Also on the panel were noted psychologist and author Dr. Brenda Wade (second from left) and the amazing Deborah Szekely, the 91-year old co-founder of the modern health and fitness movement.



At the end of the convocation, Mo'Nique was swarmed by Spelman students, several of whom were so affected by Mo'Nique's story that they were overcome by emotion. It was a beautiful motivating moment. Look for those. Encouragement comes from everywhere - even inside you. 







If you're free this Wednesday evening, March 27 from 8-9 p.m., join the #SpelmanWellness tweet chat on Twitter for tips about nutrition. You'll be surprised how health practices for college students can work for you, too. And keep Enjoyceinglife!