Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 49

You Can’t Be Helpful if You Can’t Be Present

Once upon a time, a friend invited me to tour his church building during a Sunday service. Our mutual goal was to spotlight cracks in the guest process and figure out how to connect people on a simpler scale.

Over the course of the morning, our tour was interrupted no fewer than twenty times. We never had a one-on-one conversation that lasted longer than three minutes. He was constantly being peppered with questions, asked to put out fires, quizzed on the location of a classroom or meeting, and assaulted by the incessant ding of phone calls and text messages.

On one level, I totally get it…because I’ve been there. We’ve all been there: if there is any time a leader will be distracted, it’s on Sunday morning.

But as I took the 1,000 foot view and reflected on the time with my friend (and did a little self-critique of my own leadership), I realized that his helpfulness to everyone meant that he was being helpful to no one.

Because he was the man with all of the answers, everyone came to him with their questions.

Because he was the point person on everything, everything rose to his attention.

Because there was one leader instead of multiple leaders, everyone looked to him to lead.

And because he was responsible for it all, he wasn’t very present at all.

Again, I get it. I’ve been there. You’ve been there, too. But it’s exhausting to lead that way. It’s demoralizing to get through another Sunday morning and feel like you just put out fires rather than investing in people’s lives.

So how do we get beyond the Sunday firefighter syndrome? A few thoughts from that harried morning:

1. Communicate prior to Sunday. With your staff, your volunteer team, or even your congregation, let people know what is happening where that weekend. Equip them with the knowledge they need to lead and self-feed.

2. Make someone else the recognized authority. Put other leaders in place who know what you know. This takes time and work – not to mention re-training people to go to someone else – but it’s worth it.

3. Don’t just answer questions; help others answer questions. Don’t just be the recipient of hand-offs. Stand with the one who is doing the hand-off and address the issue at hand. When they hear you answer a question or see you put out a fire, they’re being trained to do that on their own.

4. Don’t invent problems that aren’t actually problems. My most sobering realization from that morning was that my friend was making things a big deal that weren’t really a big deal. And the reason it was so sobering was that I often do the same thing. Let’s be honest: it’s nice to be needed and to be the resident answer person and to hold the solution to someone’s questions. But we can often get addicted to that need and dupe ourselves into believing that our perspective is indispensable.

Leaders and volunteers: we can be helpful. We should be helpful. But we can’t be helpful long-term if we can’t be fully present now.

 

This post originally appeared on dfranks.com .

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Kids Need Grace, Too

Whether you are a minister who has kids or a minister that works with kids, then you know that kids aren’t always easy. They have meltdowns and big feelings, they struggle to think logically, and they are messy. But kids aren’t just those things; kids are huge blessings (Psalm 127, John 16:21, Psalm 139, Proverbs 17:6, Matthew 18:10, Mark 10:14) and part of God’s design for families (Ephesians 6, Colossians 3:20-21, Proverbs 1:8-9, Genesis 1:28).

In raising kids or teaching kids, it’s easy to get frustrated. Schedules get disrupted, meltdowns occur at inconvenient times, and sometimes you just can’t seem to reason with a child. Dare I mention that plans rarely go as expected. Even in all the messiness, kids are not a disruption to our work; they are part of our mission and part of the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20). God has called us to witness to the ends of the earth, and that starts with the children in our homes.

Witnessing to others and loving others requires much sacrifice on our part and a great amount of grace; kids are not an exception. Here are several reasons why kids need grace, and a lot of it.

Kids’ Brains are Still Growing

Kids struggle with emotions, in part because their brains are still “under construction.” A large part of the brain that is still changing is the frontal lobe, which helps regulate and understand emotions, problem-solving, social interactions, and impulsivity. Additionally, children do not develop the ability to think more abstractly until the later middle school to early high school years. Thinking concretely can hinder a child’s ability to process information and situations on a more sophisticated level. Abstract information can be confusing to them. Children also lack the language acquisition and understanding needed to communicate feelings or solve conflict fully. Children should not be chastised for their developmental stage or lack of understanding.

Kids are Learning

Kids have many things to learn: Math, reading, manners, feeding themselves, dressing themselves, toilet training, etc. Their brains are hard at work. But they are also learning rules, and rules have lots of nuances. 

“You can throw the ball, but you can’t throw it in the house.” “Wrestling is fine, but not if you are angry.”“Being loud is okay, but use your inside voice when in buildings.”

So many rules for kids to learn and grasp. They are bound to mess up and need redirection.

Ordinary Experiences are New to Kids

Adults have life behind them. We have experienced heartache, grief, severed relationships, bullies, and mean teachers. We often know what works and doesn’t work simply because we have lived through similar situations already. However, many of these experiences are new to children. Children don’t have the benefit of knowing what works (or doesn’t work), so they try out new responses and behaviors, which can result in poor outcomes. Adults can continue to teach and train in these situations while also allowing natural consequences. These are opportunities to walk kids through big feelings when things don’t go well. 

Kids Possess an Innocence to Them

While all humans are born in Adam’s image, Scripture is also clear that children seem to possess a level of innocence that adults do not have (Matthew 18:10, Matthew 18:2-5, Psalm 8:2, Mark 19:14). It is unknown at what age a child can fully grasp his/her sin and understand salvation. Their abstract understanding of right vs. wrong is limited by their development. As a parent, our job is to teach and train them in the way of the Lord’s instruction. This command implies that our kids are unaware of God’s instructions and thus, struggle to live them out. Recognizing this helps us to discipline and give grace accordingly.

Kids are Either New Believers or Unbelievers

Recognizing our kids may not yet be believers in Christ is important. If a child is yet a believer, then they are still a slave to their sin and don’t have the Holy Spirit to fight against sin (Romans 6:20, John 8:34). It’s the job of loving adults to help rescue that child by pointing the child to the grace and forgiveness in Christ. In these situations, adults are not fighting against the child (Ephesians 6:12) but are fighting for the child. 

If the child is a believer, he or she is likely a new convert. These kids are learning the elementary teachings for Christ; essentially, they are still drinking the milk of Scripture (Hebrews 5:12). The newness of their walk in Christ means they will stumble. They need a guide, not a judge.

Correction of Sin is Done in Love

Kids will sin. Kids will make mistakes. God has given authority to the adults involved in the children’s lives to gently and kindly correct them. Scripture is clear that correction of others’ sins should not be judgemental but done with humility and love (1 Peter 4:8,  Galatians 6:1). Humility reminds parents that we have similar heart issues, and we also need Jesus Christ.

As I close, I want to speak specifically to ministry families. In the ministry, there can be external or internal pressures for our kids to set an example in behavior. It can sound like this, “We are in ministry, so our kids should behave better than other kids.” This pressure can create unrealistic expectations for kids and families and focuses on behavior modification instead of heart change. Perhaps the better narrative to utilize is, “Let’s show radical grace to our kids and others.” After all, isn’t that what Christ does for our kids and for us?

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Four Underrated Leadership Tips Pastors Can Exercise Daily

Your body needs regular exercise to stay in shape. Your mind needs to be stretched and challenged to stay sharp. For leaders to grow, regular workouts are necessary. Pastors lead within a dynamic environment—the church. You may not think of your church as “dynamic,” but it is. A church of fifty people means at least fifty opinions exist on any decision.

Some daily exercises are obvious, and they are often repeated in books and conferences: Read more, stick to a devotional time, get better sleep, organize your day, and keep a structured calendar. These tips work, but they are not explicitly focused on leadership. So, what are some daily leadership activities that will strengthen your abilities?

1. Ask more questions. Dig deeper. When you are talking with church members, don’t assume you know. Ask them to explain a little more. Show a genuine interest in the perspective of others. Often people don’t reveal what they really think until they trust you. It’s hard to build trust when you’re talking all the time. Stop talking. Listen. And when you’re itching to provide your insight, don’t. Ask another question. It’s a great leadership exercise.

2. Hit pause before reacting viscerally. Guess what? People in your church will challenge your leadership, decisions, vision, abilities, and even your motives. Leaders are targets because they are front and center. You will make yourself a bigger target when you react viscerally to complaints. The barbs will become more numerous when you pop off every time someone says something less than complimentary. Bite your tongue. Close your mouth, take a deep breath, and think about a funny scene in a movie. Visceral reactions rarely produce anything positive. Exercise your pause button. It’s one of the least utilized leadership tools.

3. Use a different lens of leadership. Leaders tend to rely on one or two lenses of leadership. We view the church through the lens of power—who has it and who doesn’t? Or we might rely on the lens of inspiration—how can I rally people to a common goal? Or maybe it’s structure—what is the best way to organize this ministry? But there are many other lenses as well. For one, symbols are important. There’s a reason people react to the American flag being burned. It’s a powerful symbol. Your church has these symbols: pulpits, crosses, pews, quilts, plaques, gardens, and parlors. Try to use different leadership lenses often. Take the view of power, inspiration, structure, and symbol. The exercise of different perspectives will grow your leadership.

4. Rely on wisdom, not traits. Whenever you hear about “great pastors,” people often gravitate toward their traits. Keller has intellect. Evans has conviction. Begg has gravitas. Chandler has charisma. Warren has strategic insight. Proverbs 4 says, “Get wisdom,” not “Get another pastor’s traits.” James 1 says God gives wisdom, not traits. Stop working towards someone else’s traits and rather exercise your own daily wisdom from God’s Word.

Much like working out or reading regularly, one day’s practice with these exercises will not make much difference. But do these leadership exercises regularly, and you will grow as a leader.

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6 Reasons for Pastors to Have at Least One Meal a Week with Someone—Either a Church Member or a Non-Believer

A few years ago, I read Justin Earley’s book, The Common Rule. Earley wrote the book after he had to make some difficult decisions to get his chaotic and too busy life in balance. From that experience, he adopted four daily habits and four weekly ones that have changed his life. One of the daily habits is to eat at least one meal each day with others. I have adapted that rule to have a meal with someone at least once a week, and I have found it helpful and encouraging. Here’s why I’m encouraging pastors and church leaders to have at least one meal a week with someone—either a church member or a non-believer.

1. Many of us need to slow down and spend more time with people. You can learn a lot about people over a meal. This commitment has forced me to slow down at least once a week, take a break, and spend time with others. As an introvert with a tendency to be a loner, I need this commitment.

2. Simply reaching out to invite someone is a good step for a pastor. You say something positive to folks when you invite them to share a meal with you—“you matter to me” and “I want to spend time with you.” You give others meaning and significance, and you model for them what they ought to do with others.

3. Eating with others challenges us to turn our focus off self. Unless we’re narcissists who want to talk about only ourselves, having a meal with someone else forces us to think about others. It pushes us to be listeners and learners more than talkers and teachers. It demands that we focus our attention on the person(s) across the table—not on ourselves.

4. Eating with others provides an intentional opportunity to learn more about others. Ideally, we use table conversations to learn more about others, including their salvation experience, their present-tense work, and their future goals. If you ask a lot of questions, in fact, you can learn more about someone over a one-hour meal than you would ever learn with a surface-level, Sunday-only relationship between pastor and church member. A weekly meal with someone is a wise investment of the time and energy God gives us.

5. Even non-believers want to eat. I have a non-believing friend with whom I have a meal about every three weeks (because he lives about 3.5 hours away). He doesn’t believe as I believe, but he gives me space to hang out with him. A meal together gives me opportunity (1) to remind him that I love him and am praying for him, (2) to answer any questions he might have about life and faith, and (3) to simply show him respect and care. As long as he’s willing to spend time with me, I’m quite willing to cover the cost of a meal.

6. Making time for one meal a week is not difficult to do. Sure, we have to, as Justin Earley says, “reorient our schedules and our space around food and each other”¹ to make time for this habit—but that’s the point. We will make time for what matters to us. Finding an hour a week to eat with a church member or a non-believer should not be difficult to do if they matter to us.

 Make this commitment, pastor and church leader. You won’t regret it.  

 

_____________________________

¹Justin Whitmel Earley, The Common Rule (p. 61). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition.

 

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Dropping the Denominational Label from the Church Name: 8 Post-COVID Trends

Our team at Church Answers is following closely the trend of churches dropping the denominational label in their name in the post-COVID era. Though it is by no means a new trend, we do think it is good to see where the issue lies today. Indeed, it is a topic of frequent discussion in our community at Church Answers.

Our research is subjective at this point, but we do think it reflects the reality of what many church leaders are thinking. Here are the eight most common issues discussed today on this topic:

1. More leaders than ever are considering dropping the label. The post-COVID world for church leaders has been a time of introspection and evaluation. Though dropping the denominational label is not at the top of their priorities, it is certainly an issue discussed more often than anytime I can recall.

2. Leaders who are considering making the change say there is less resistance to it than in the pre-COVID era. A lot of church members know that change must take place in their churches. In this post-COVID era, there is a level of receptivity to change in general.

3. “Baptist” is still mentioned as the most negative denominational label. When we did an objective study of this issue several years ago, the results were the same. Apparently, the negative connotation has deepened.

4. The most common objection to dropping the label is a concern of misleading people. Indeed, a number of church leaders use the word “deceptive” or the phrase “bait and switch” when they voice their opposition.

5. The second most common objection is that the denominational label identifies the church’s doctrines. These leaders say that transparency of doctrine in a church is vitally important, and that the church name best reflects that transparency.

6. The third most common objection is that changing the church name can be perceived to be a quick fix to the church’s problems and challenges. A pastor in the Church Answers community called it “putting lipstick on a pig.” Most churches, he argued, have bigger problems than their names.

7. A number of church leaders see the denominational label and denominations themselves as increasingly irrelevant. They would argue for changing the name because the label has no meaning or, even worse, the label is greatly misunderstood.

8. Some churches are removing the denominational label as a part of a full name change. The fastest-growing trend we see is a new name that best reflects the community or neighborhood in which the church is located. Thus, “First Baptist Church” becomes “The Church at Franklin,” if “Franklin” is the name of the neighborhood or community.

I am interested in your thoughts and perceptions about this issue. I would particularly love to hear the different arguments for or against removing the denominational label.

Let me hear from you.

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You Are Important

What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. 

So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.

( Matthew 10:29-31, NLT )

***

My family has attended our church for more than a decade, and over the years I’ve been fairly active in the congregation. For a short time, I even worked for the church. I remember distinctly how important I felt during that season.

Each Sunday morning I’d arrive early to help out in one area or another, and as I’d walk through the halls, I’d occasionally feel like I was in a parade. Every person I passed recognized me and said hello, and I replied, wishing them a good morning or asking if I could help them in any way. When people had questions, I had answers. I knew things, and they needed me.

I felt important then. But when I let myself compare those Sunday mornings to my more recent ones, the discrepancy is startling. If I’m not careful, I can walk in, sit through service, and walk out without having a single conversation.

Oh sure, I smile and say hello. Others wave from across the aisle or down the hallway. I thank my daughter’s teacher and tell the volunteers at the snack table to have a good week. But in this season, where my involvement is more behind the scenes and all I have to offer is myself, I can easily be in and out without connecting with anyone. Because I’m not currently the person who knows things or the one people turn to for help, I’ve pulled back and wondered, Do I matter? Would anyone notice if I stopped showing up? Am I still important?

It turns out I only felt important when other people assigned value to my service, to my ability to answer questions, to my role as a leader, an employee, or an active volunteer. And it was only when I recognized this that I realized I was looking in all the wrong places for my worth.

Who am I? Do I matter? Am I important? We all ask these questions. And if we’re looking at the world for our answers, those answers are going to change as often as the weather. The world will tell us we’re important when we have something tangible to offer, when we meet its expectations, when we know things and have answers, when we can be held up to a set of criteria and check off every box.

Volunteers? Check.

Attends meetings? Check.

Makes the best snacks or takes the best photos? Check.

Has a clean house with Pinterest-perfect décor? Check.

Hosts the book club (and actually reads the book)? Check.

Got the promotion? Balanced the budget? Made the speech? Check.

But what happens when we don’t have answers or meet the criteria? What happens when life is too heavy or chaotic, when we’re sick, when we’re the ones who need help, when we’re tired? Do we matter then?

Yes! Yes, we matter. You matter. You are important.

Your value is not determined by how much you know or give or do. Your worth is not defined by how many people know your name or how many pats on the back you receive. You matter because you are a child of God. When you wonder if anyone notices, God says you are important. 

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Leaders: Don’t Miss the Power of Symbols in Your Church

My first church was a megachurch of six people. The congregation was small in number, but it felt like a mega task to shepherd them. One of the first questions I asked of the lone deacon was, “What’s the deal with the old bell out front.”

“I don’t know, but it’s really important.”

On our first workday, the lone deacon handed me a paintbrush and gave me the honor of painting the bell red. Why red? I don’t know; perhaps it was the only color of paint the church had on hand.

Everyone in the community loved the red bell. We didn’t know the history of the bell. We didn’t know the significance of the red color. But when it rang every Sunday morning, people in the tiny, rural community knew what it meant. 

Symbols are powerful. They add richness to routine. They inspire hope. Symbols arouse emotions more quickly than reasoning. Symbols elevate the “why” above the “what.” For instance, the American flag is more than just fabric. It means something. The dirt in the Middle East is more than a sand mixture. It represents something more.

Leaders who neglect symbols miss a vital opportunity to influence followers and understand why people think and act the way they do. Likewise, pastors who neglect symbols miss an entire frame of meaning in their congregations. So how are symbols powerful in the church? What about them adds gravity to ordinary interactions within the body? 

Symbols reinforce culture. Some churches have a culture. Other churches are a culture. But culture exists in every church. Where culture is found, symbols are found. Some denominations have more formal symbols than others, but just about any Christian will recognize the cross, ichthus, or perhaps the chi-rho symbol. Even in a church that intentionally minimizes symbols, they exist. Choir robes, high-end technology, dim lights, the pulpit, and walking the aisle can all become symbols that reinforce culture. Pastors who neglect symbols will not understand the church culture as well as they should. Pastors who take the time to understand symbols will best know how to reinforce the good elements of church culture.

Symbols maintain balance. Strip away all the symbols, and your church becomes flavorless. Churches with too many symbols become confusing bastions of rigid traditionalism. Church leaders need to select and emphasize the symbols that inspire people to move in the right direction. 

Symbols can become idols. Stained glass is beautiful. It tells a story, even the history of the church. But the glass itself can become more important than the story it tells. When the what of the church symbol becomes more important than the why of its meaning, the congregation is likely guilty of worshiping an idol. 

Symbols recast history. One of the inevitable effects of symbols is how they will continually reshape how people view history. The debate surrounding the Confederate Battle Flag serves as a controversial example. Symbols in your church will act as lenses through which people understand the past. An old portrait of a previous pastor, for example, may become the representation of an era of church history. Even if that pastor was an egomaniacal loon who lived 100 years ago, people may still cherish the portrait and use it to reshape the church’s history. Symbols help retell the church story, and that story may change over time.

Symbols are powerful, and the oddest of objects can become symbolic. The electric organ can be more than the largest musical instrument in your worship space. It can be a framework for doing church, represented by a giant box with pedals and buttons. A stool and table may represent more than just how a pastor presents a sermon. Symbols signal meaning—representing not just what the church does but also why. Astute church leaders will recognize the power of symbols and use them to move people in the right direction.

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Ten Reasons Pastors Are Glad They Quit Vocational Ministry

Last week we looked at some regrets pastors articulated about leaving their churches during “the Great Resignation.”  In this article, we look at the other side of the coin. These pastors are glad they left pastoral ministry. Anecdotally, these comments were far more numerous than the comments of regret.

In this post, we specifically focus on pastors who left vocational ministry altogether. Some took early retirement; more of them took a job in the secular world. Though we do not have a valid statistical sampling, these comments are in order of frequency.

1. “The pressure is gone.” The most common comment was a general statement. Pastors could feel a burden lifted when they left. Many of them said it took about a month before they could sense the pressure abating.

2. “My family likes me now.” Most of the pastors indicated that their family benefitted greatly from this move. It was typical of former pastors to point out specifically that their spouses benefitted the most.

3. “Marketplace ministry is more fruitful than the pastorate.” Many pastors expressed amazement at how open co-workers were to ministry and to the gospel.

4. “My family had its first uninterrupted vacation in four years.” Some of the interruptions during previous trips were by phone. Others actually caused them to leave their vacations.

5. “I don’t jump now when the phone rings.” Many of these pastors especially flinched at late night or early morning calls. Those were typically someone calling the pastors to notify them of a tragedy involving church members.

6. “I don’t dread looking at my emails or social media now.” Such are the locations where many of the critics of the pastors resided.

7. “I actually am taking time to get closer to God.” Sadly, many pastors were so busy being pastors that they were too exhausted to spend sufficient time in prayer and in the Bible.

8. “I have a hobby now!” One pastor told us that he had forgotten the joy of reading books for pleasure until he quit vocational ministry.

9. “I needed a break from the weekly grind of sermon preparation.” Most people simply cannot fathom that pastors spend as much as 1,000 hours a year in sermon preparation.

10. “I get to come home at night.” It is not uncommon for pastors to have four or five weeknight commitments a week. One former pastor shared with us that he and his wife have resumed date nights once a week. It had been three years since they went on a date.

It is easy for us looking from the outside to think pastors should be able to get their acts together and have uninterrupted vacations, go on dates with their spouses, or read books for pleasure. But I would not be too quick to judge these former pastors.

Serving as a pastor of a local church can be grueling work. Such is the reason many pastors were glad to leave.

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Why I Don’t Expect Everyone in My Church to Agree with Everything I Say

Why I Don’t Expect Everyone in My Church to Agree with Everything I Say

A pastor spends hours researching a sermon, then someone in the church challenges one of the main points. A pastor prays for months about a new vision, then someone in the church disagrees with the proposed direction. A pastor studies in seminary for years, then a person in the church takes issue with a doctrinal stance. Most pastors know these frustrations. While pastors should care deeply about preaching, doctrine, and vision, it’s unreasonable to expect everyone to agree with everything you say.

If you’re doing your job well as a pastor, taking firm stances and having a clear vision, you will likely have dissent. This dissent is not an omen of malevolence, but rather a sign of trust in most cases. When you propose a bold vision or make a firm doctrinal stance, silence from your congregation is much scarier than a few people expressing dissenting views. When someone wants to discuss a disagreement, it’s an indication that the person trusts you to some extent. Rare is the person who uses dissent to be mean. Sure, that person exists, but most people won’t fault you for politely ignoring a curmudgeon. 

What should you do with dissenting views? In short, listen. You might learn you’re mistaken or recognize you might need to pivot slightly. But why should you expect dissent? Why would I not expect everyone in my church to agree with me?

You don’t even agree with yourself. The future you will disagree with the present you. When I review what I preached ten years ago, I find I would change a lot of what I said. When I think about how I led ten years ago, if I could, I would tell my twenty-six-year-old self to change approaches. How can I get angry about dissenting views now when I don’t even agree with myself in the past?

You’re not perfect. We pastors preach about imperfect people all the time. Imperfection applies to our shepherding as well. You should expect dissent because you’ll be wrong, more often than you like.

Everyone needs to grow. When pastors disallow dissent, no one grows. The pastor stops growing because of pride, and the church never gets the chance to grow because their dissent was never heard.

Unheard dissent is dangerous. It’s a breeding ground for bitterness, especially in the church.

You need accountability. Dissent is a gentle reminder to take yourself off the pedestal. It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong. It’s tough to realize you’re wrong if you consistently squelch all dissent. Pushing back on dissent is a vicious cycle, one in which you become more ingrained in the thought that you can’t possibly be wrong.

Followers are more important than leaders. The congregation is more important than the pastor. If you believe in servant leadership, you must take the position that the people you lead are more important than you. When you expect everyone to agree with everything you say, you’re making yourself the highest priority rather than Christ and the people you shepherd.

There are non-negotiables in doctrine and some leadership decisions. You should not welcome dissent over the fundamentals of the faith or the church’s core mission. The bulk of dissent in the church, however, does not often come over non-negotiable issues. Expect dissent, listen, and learn. You’ll lead better because of it.

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7 Reasons We Must Not Give Up on Wayward or Unsaved Loved Ones

I heard another story this week of a believer who’s been praying a long time for a non-believing loved one or a prodigal son. I hear these stories enough that I hope this post is helpful to you as you (1) wait and pray, or (2) shepherd others who are waiting and praying. Maybe one of these reasons to keep believing will encourage you today:

1. God is still drawing people to Himself. As long as He chooses to do so, God will continue wooing people from every tribe, tongue, and nation (Rev 7:9). His Spirit is still at work convicting people of sin, righteousness, and judgment (John 16:8-11). It’s possible your loved one is next. 

2. It’s the enemy who wants you to give up. Satan wants to discourage you, enticing you to believe there remains no hope for your loved one. He wants you to stop believing, stop praying, stop trusting. Don’t give him that kind of power in your life.

3. God loves your loved one more than you do. Today I’m particularly praying for two people: my older sister and a young guy who is like a son to me. My love for them is deep, but God’s love is even deeper. That truth gives me hope. 

4. God’s calendar and clock are not the same as ours—but they are always right on time. What seems to us as a long time as we wait on God to answer our prayers is not long to our eternal God. His timing is always, always perfect—and we’ll forget about any perceived delay when He does indeed answer our long-term prayers.  

5. God sometimes takes His time responding to us because of what He wants to do in us. We’re focused on our loved one, but God’s focused on us, too. He might be teaching us patience, trust, faith, and perseverance—all that will make us even stronger witnesses for those we long to reach. 

6. God may well be working in your loved one, even though you don’t recognize it. Here’s the way I summarize this truth: when God is doing His work, He’s under NO obligation to let us in on the details. He’s God; we’re not—and our job is just to trust Him as we wait and watch on behalf of our loved ones.

7. Some of us can speak of God’s amazing grace in the lives of our loved ones. We prayed for my dad for 36 years before he turned to Christ at age 71. My mom later became a believer at age 79 after we had asked God for 47 years to save her. Those stories of God’s patience and faithfulness compel me to keep trusting and praying for my sister and my “son.” 

May I ask you to join me in saying a prayer for them today? Let us know how the Church Answers family might pray for you and your loved ones, too.

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