Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 319

Pastors’ Kids – Rainer on Leadership #040

Podcast Episode #040

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The most popular post I’ve ever had on this site was on pastors’ kids. It was mildly popular when it was written back in the summer of 2013. It was even a top ten post for 2013, but then went viral nearly six months after it originally debuted when I posted my list of top posts of the year this past December.

The feedback has been quite overwhelming. Commenters shared both their pain and delight from their personal experiences as a pastor’s kid. In this week’s episode, Jonathan and I discuss that original post and what we’ve learned as a result thanks to the commenters.

Episode Sponsor

This week’s podcast is brought to you by Pastors Today. This weekly newsletter provides pastors with resources and information from around the web written specifically for pastors. For more information and to subscribe, visit lifeway.com/pastors.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free autographed copy of I Am a Church Member.

Friday Is for Freebies: Gray Areas

We live in a world of infinite possibilities, even when we’re addressing important moral and ethical issues. For some questions, there just don’t seem to be right or wrong answers. Worse, in other situations, there seem to be several right answers. Not only do good people disagree, REALLY good people REALLY disagree.

A lot of the issues we face don’t have a direct Scriptural response and Gray Areas by Mike Glenn seeks to address some of these issues and give us guidance on how to address more of these issues throughout life. Gray Areas explores the following topics: Is There Truth I Can Trust?, Honor Code, Addiction, Dating, Divorce, Sexual Identity, and Living in the Land of Shadows.

Also included is the black, genuine leather version of the HCSB Study Bible, a comprehensive, easy to read, and easy to use Bible, with features and formats specifically designed to enhance your Bible study experience. You can also go to MyStudyBible.com and dive right in for a complete digital experience.

This Bible has a retail price of $79.99 and features 15,000 study notes, 290 Hebrew and Greek word studies, 66 highly detailed book introductions, 62 maps, 27 topical articles, 20 charts, and 18 illustrations, all focusing on the most important topics and questions in Bible study.

Enter this week’s Friday Is for Freebies giveaway

To enter this week’s giveaway, fill out the form below. Entries will be closed at midnight Saturday night. We will contact the winner via email on Monday morning. Names and addresses are deleted each week and are just used to select a winner.

Name*




Email Address*

After submitting your entry, you will be directed back to the ThomRainer.com homepage. By entering, you acknowledge and accept the terms of the promotion.

Notable Voices – January 30, 2013

The Biggest Leadership Distraction — Sam Rainer

Sam shares how the biggest leadership distractions aren’t those caused by others, but the ones caused by leaders themselves.

 

10 Symptoms of an Inwardly-Focused Church — Tony Morgan

I’ve written on the inwardly focused church here at the blog as well. While not identical, Tony’s list of symptoms are a great complement and echo much of my same concern.

 

A Golden Age in Christian Publishing — Tim Challies

Tim is one of the most prolific Christian bloggers around and feels that we might be in one of the greatest ages in the history of Christian publishing. As the president and CEO of a Christian publisher, I see the challenges daily, but I also see the tremendous opportunities we have within the scope of modern publishing. I’m also grateful for Tim’s kind words about B&H Publishing. Additionally, it is our joy and privilege to publish the Book on which all of the other books are based.

 

7 Ways I Deal With Fatigue as a Leader — Ron Edmondson

I’m recording a video today about pastoral burnout. It’s a topic I’m seeing more and more about online. I’ve even written about it here on the blog. It’s a growing concern for many pastors and leaders, and in this post Ron provides some helpful ways to deal with fatigue and burnout.

 

5 Things to Remember When It Comes to Church Size — Chad Hall

Our metrics for church health so often turn our attention to nickels and noses. Chad shares how that can lead to a false sense of church health.

 

Practices for Developing Younger Leaders — Scott M. Douglas

While it is important to teach and train leaders, leadership is more caught than taught. Scott lists 11 ways you can intentionally invest in the next generation of leaders in your church.

Seven Warning Signs of Affairs for Pastors and Other Church Staff

The conversation is always sad, always tragic. The pastor who left his church after a two-year affair with another church member. The student pastor who has been out of vocational ministry since he had a brief sexual encounter with his assistant.

I have spoken with countless numbers of these men and women. And each time I am reminded of how much I need to love God with all my heart, and to be totally devoted to my wife.

Though the conversations are both sad and tragic, I do learn from them. And after dozens, perhaps a few hundred, of these conversations, I see patterns. These patterns become warning signs for any of us, lest we be so naïve to think we have no vulnerabilities.

Because the conversations were informal, I cannot say for certain which among them were the most frequent warning signs. So I provide them in no particular order.

“I neglected my family.” Church work can become a deceitful mistress (I struggle to find the male equivalent of the word). We become so consumed with our ministry that we neglect our families. But 1 Timothy 3:5 is clear that our families are our first ministries.
 “I had no system of accountability.” Unfortunately, most churches do not have clear guidelines for accountability. That does not excuse any of us from making sure that we have such self-imposed guidelines, and that our spouses know about them as well.
“It began in counseling.” Sometimes the word “transference” is used to describe what can happen in counseling. The counselor or counselee becomes the object of attraction instead of one’s spouse. One or both of the parties see the other as something his or her spouse should be.
“My co-worker and I began to confide in one another on a deep level.”  The conversations between two people who work together become ones that should be restricted to the marital relationship. At this point, an emotional affair has already begun. Physical intimacy is usually not far away.
“I began neglecting my time in prayer and daily Bible reading.” I am reticent to make a blanket statement, but I have never met a person who was praying and reading his or her Bible daily that became involved in an affair. Prayer and time in the Word is intimacy with God that precludes inappropriate intimacy with someone of the opposite gender.
“He or she made me feel so good about myself.” In marriage, neither party thinks the spouse is perfect; at least it is rare. The danger happens when one becomes a hero to someone of the opposite gender. The good feelings that come with accolades or even adulation can become sexual attractions and traps that end in an affair.
“It began on a trip together.” When a man and woman travel to the same destination for a work event, conference, or a convention, safeguards need to be established at the onset. A system of accountability, whether informal or formal, can break down when a man and woman are out of town together. Call me old fashioned, but I won’t ever travel in the car alone with a woman other than my wife (even at my old age). 

The conversation is always sad, always tragic. And do you know what the most common theme I’ve heard in all of these conversations?

“I never thought this would happen to me.”

Sobering indeed.

Personal Evangelism and Pastors: 14 Findings (part two)

By Chuck Lawless

In last week’s post, I shared six findings about pastors and personal evangelism, based on a study of leaders of 100 evangelistic churches in my denomination. Here are the final eight findings:

When the leaders get discouraged in doing personal evangelism, they turn to prayer (30%), continued, faithful seed sowing (19%), trusting God with results (18%), and Bible reading (12%) for encouragement. The point is not that these evangelistic leaders don’t get discouraged; they simply do not let discouragement with results cause them to be disobedient. They press on, believing God will eventually use their efforts. 70% had, in fact, shared their faith with somebody in the week prior to their responding to this survey.
They believe repentance must be a part of the gospel presentation. 97% disagreed with the statement, “Repentance is not required for someone to be saved; belief is all that is necessary.” For these leaders, Jesus’ call to repent and believe (Mark 1:15) has not changed.
These leaders differ on when baptism should occur. 33% agreed with, but 60% disagreed with the belief that, “Baptism should be delayed until a new convert gives adequate evidence of a genuine conversion.” Our team did not follow up this finding, but we are certain no respondent would want to baptize an unconverted person; these leaders simply differ on whether scripture prescribes immediate baptism.
These pastors see a decline in evangelistic passion among believers. 92% indicated that new believers are typically excited about telling others about Jesus, but 84% also believe most believers lose their passion for evangelism. In fact, 27% of these leaders said they, too, have been more committed to evangelism in the past than they are now. Apparently, even evangelistic leaders must work at the task.
91% disagreed with the statement, “Effective evangelism comes naturally to believers; it requires little or no training.” Only 16% believe evangelism is the easiest church ministry. Indeed, 98% of these church leaders had themselves completed some kind of evangelism training, whether in an academic setting (67%) or otherwise. The “Romans Road” approach to evangelism was the strategy these leaders most commonly used.
These leaders do not agree on whether a “gift of evangelism” exists. 63% affirmed, “There is a gift of evangelism that God gives to particular believers,” but 33% disagreed with that conclusion. They recognize the role of the evangelist (Eph. 4:11), yet not all agree that God gives an actual gift of evangelism to some believers.
60% agreed affirmed the conclusion, “Most Christians are so far out of touch with the world around them that they know little of its fears, problems, concerns, or issues.” These leaders recognize the real danger of Christian “cocooning,” of believers viewing the church as a place of retreat from the world rather than a place to re-arm for the spiritual battle. Thus, church leaders are often encouraging members to evangelize people they neither know nor understand.
Yet, 84% percent agreed with the statement, “Most non-believers I talk to are open to talking about Christ.” The non-believers may not respond positively to the gospel at that point, but nor are they opposed to a conversation about Jesus. That finding ought to give us hope as we strive to be evangelistic.

The leaders in this study have built evangelism into their life and ministry. Is evangelism in your DNA? When was the last time you intentionally shared the story of Christ? Which of these findings most challenges you?

Chuck Lawless currently serves as Professor of Evangelism and Missions and Dean of Graduate Studies at Southeastern Seminary. You can connect with Dr. Lawless on both Twitter and Facebook.

Seven Reasons Very Active Church Members Drop Out

Perhaps the image many of us have of church dropouts is a person who was only marginally involved at the onset. He or she did not connect with people and ministries in the church, so that person became a dropout – a person who stopped attending church altogether.

But there are a number of persons who have been active in church life for years. They have had key leadership positions. They are considered some of the most faithful members. And then they are gone. Sometimes it’s sudden; on a few occasions it is more gradual.

During my 25 plus years of church consultations, I have interviewed a number of these active-to-inactive persons. Most of them shared freely and openly with me what took place in their lives, and how it impacted their ultimate decision to stop attending church.

Though there are certainly far more reasons, I am listing the top seven reasons I heard from these formerly active members. For now, I will not make qualitative or analytical comments about their decisions. These top seven reasons are listed in order by the frequency I heard them.

Moral failure. The most common scenario is a sexual affair. The member who was once revered becomes intensely embarrassed and ashamed, so much so that he or she cannot face the members and friends at church.
Dropping out of a group. The church member stops his or her regular attendance in a small group or Sunday school class. It is almost inevitable that, without the accountability and fellowship a small group brings, that person is headed to be a complete church dropout.
Burnout. The church member is asked to do many things because he or she tackles them with such passion and faithfulness. But some of these very active members don’t know how to say no. They burnout and leave church completely.
Traumatic event. A painful loss or some similar pain can cause many church members to lean on fellow Christians even more. But some react in an opposite fashion and leave the fellowship.
Dropping out of a ministry. The church member’s primary point of reference and connection with the church is a particular ministry. If he or she leaves that ministry (or in a few cases was asked to leave), it is not unusual for them to see no reason to continue with the church at all.
Major interpersonal conflict. Marginal church members tend to drop out at the first hint of even minor interpersonal conflict. Very active members are more resilient, recognizing that no church members are perfect. But if the conflict becomes severe, some of the very active church members will leave as well.
Gradual withdrawal. Most of the time a very active church member will drop out rather suddenly. But, on a few occasions, they just gradually withdraw from involvement in the church. These dropouts had trouble articulating to me why they left, or why they slowly withdrew from involvement. As one lady told me, “It’s like I woke up one morning, and I was no longer involved in the church.”

Church dropouts sadly are all too common. But some of these dropouts were once among the most faithful in the church.

How do you react to these seven reasons? What would you add?

photo credit: Great Beyond via photopin cc

Pray for Harvest Church of Southern Illinois

Location: Anna, Illinois

Pastor: Tony Foeller

Worship Time: 10:00 AM Central Time

Fast Facts: Launched in 2010, Harvest Church of Southern Illinois currently offers a weekly free lunch ministry on Thursday afternoons. Please pray for guidance as they seek to expand this ministry to two days each week, and ultimately expand to five days a week. Please also be in prayer for the church’s discernment for a decision related to their building needs regarding adding to their current facility or moving to multiple services or sites.

Website: HarvestChurchSI.com

“Pray for . . .” is the Sunday blog series at ThomRainer.com. We encourage you to pray for these churches noted every Sunday. Please feel free to comment that you are praying as well.

If you would like to have your church featured in the “Pray for…” series, download this information form and return it to the address on the form.

Seven Observations on Church Discipline

ThomRainer.com focuses on the local church, pastors and staff, and leadership. By its very nature, the blog is practical, often citing statistics and sociological research. There are many able persons who focus on areas I do not, such as key biblical and theological matters.

Still, if my blog, or any of my other writings for that matter, do not have biblical foundations, I am nothing more than an amateurish sociologist or a secular researcher. I must constantly ask if everything I write is in line with Scripture. Ultimate truth is found in His Word.

But when I write about church discipline, the topic expands into both biblical teachings, particularly ecclesiology, and practical church ministry. A healthy church is ultimately a biblical church. And there should be little debate about the biblical mandate for churches to exercise church discipline.

Yet the topic of church discipline seems to be primarily reserved for the theologians and a few pastors. Those of us who write about practical ministry and church health rarely mention this topic, even though it is a clear biblical practice.  Allow me to note seven observations about church discipline.

Church discipline is thoroughly biblical. As examples, note the following passages in Scripture: Matthew 18:15-20; Romans 16:17-18; 1 Corinthians 5:1-13; 2 Corinthians 2:5-11; 13:1-3. Galatians 6:1-2; 2 Thessalonians 3:6-12; and Titus 3:9-11.
Church discipline is rarely exercised by leaders in local churches. In my own denomination, church discipline began to wane in the 1870s, and is almost non-existent today.
Church discipline is perceived by some church members to be authoritarian, judgmental, and legalistic. And, of course, it can be if it is exercised outside the parameters of Scripture, or with the wrong heart and motive. Like many other good things, it can be abused.
The introduction of church discipline in a local congregation often results in a schism, and sometimes dismissal of the pastor. Frankly, that is one reason why many leaders avoid the issue.
Small steps toward church discipline are often met with opposition. I am specifically referring here to the removal of members from church membership rolls, even some who have not been seen in years.
Entry points or new member classes are very helpful. These classes can provide not only information to new or prospective members, but expectations of them as well. Many current church members do not see the local church as a place where they are to serve and model spiritual maturity. An entry point class can establish such expectations. It can also set biblical standards by which church discipline is practiced.
Some leaders forget that a key role of church discipline is restoration. Some forget that the goal of discipline is to lead prayerfully toward the restoration of the wayward church member. Church discipline should break our hearts. Restoration should bring us great joy.

I would love to hear from you about church discipline. It is my prayer that one day we will see many congregations bearing the fruit of church discipline: the glory of God; the love of the sinner; the restoration of the wayward; the purity of the church; the protection of the fellowship; and a witness to the world.

photo credit: crypto via photopin cc

Pastors and Vacation – Rainer on Leadership #039

Podcast Episode #039

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Unlike many jobs in the secular world, vacation policies for many pastors are not always spelled out in the clearest of manners. And it’s not just policies for the number of days of vacation or how many Sunday’s pastors can miss each year (if any), but policies are often needed for interrupted vacations as well. This week, Jonathan and I discuss a recent post on pastors and vacation as well as some reader questions about the uniqueness related to bivocational pastors. The five main questions I get related to pastors and vacation are:

How much vacation should I take? 
How many Sundays can I be out? 
What do I do if my vacation is interrupted? Should they be allowed to take an additional week? How do they make it up to their families?
Who covers for me while I’m gone? 
Should a pastor have mandatory vacation? 

Finally, Jonathan asks what could be the longest question we’ve ever had on the podcast.

Episode Sponsor

This week’s podcast is brought to you by Auxano and the Vision Room. VisionRoom.com is an online gathering of articles, tools and resources designed for church leaders like you who value vision clarity and want to live out that vision in meaningful ways. For more information visit VisionRoom.com.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free autographed copy of I Am a Church Member.

Friday Is for Freebies – The Bible

Many of us remember singing the song in Vacation Bible School as children—”The B-I-B-L-E, yes that’s the book for me.” As adults, I would hope that is still the case. Yet for many, it is not.

Less than one in five American Protestant churchgoers read the Bible daily. In Canada, that number is just over one in ten. When we don’t know the Bible, we don’t live according to the Bible. And with fewer studying the Bible with regularity, is it any great surprise that biblical living is not normative?

This doesn’t have to be the case, though. Because of the freedoms we enjoy in this country, we have a unique opportunity to spend time in the word in three main ways:

Through personal study — Daily quiet time
Through hearing the Word proclaimed — Preaching
Through group study — In-depth Bible study in a small-group context.

LifeWay is committed to resourcing all three areas and to providing biblical solutions for life. One of those solutions is Explore the Bible, a newly revamped small-group curriculum that takes participants through the Bible chapter-by-chapter. Here’s a short video we just released showing the benefits of both the curriculum and personal Bible study.

We also provide biblical resources for pastors and preachers through various products and training as well as through this blog and Pastors Today.

And for personal study, we have our flagship Bible, the HCSB Study Bible—which happens to be my giveaway today. This black, genuine leather version of the HCSB Study Bible, is a comprehensive, easy to read, and easy to use Bible with features and formats specifically designed to enhance your Bible study experience. You can also go to MyStudyBible.com and dive right in for a complete digital experience.

This Bible has a retail price of $79.99 and features 15,000 study notes, 290 Hebrew and Greek word studies, 66 highly detailed book introductions, 62 maps, 27 topical articles, 20 charts, and 18 illustrations, all focusing on the most important topics and questions in Bible study.

Enter this week’s Friday Is for Freebies giveaway

To enter this week’s giveaway, fill out the form below. Entries will be closed at midnight Saturday night. We will contact the winner via email on Monday morning. Names and addresses are deleted each week and are just used to select a winner.

Name*




Email Address*

After submitting your entry, you will be directed back to the ThomRainer.com homepage. By entering, you acknowledge and accept the terms of the promotion.