Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 311

The Narcissistic Christian Leader

Narcissism should not be said in the same breath as Christian. The former is love of self; the latter is love of God in Jesus Christ.

But the sad reality is that narcissism can and often does creep into the lives of many Christian leaders. And narcissists are selfish and inconsiderate. They demand excessive attention. They feel entitled. And they often pursue power and prestige without regard for others.

The world of narcissistic Christian leaders is complicated by the fact that these leaders rarely recognize their problem. And the disorder may not be readily apparent to those who see them from a distance. They can appear, at least on the surface, to be brilliant and charismatic.

In fact some of those leaders may be reading this article thinking it’s about someone else. They have trouble recognizing their own malady. Let me be more personal. On too many occasions I have struggled with prideful and narcissistic behavior myself. And it took a confrontation from a friend or confidant to open my eyes.

Any person in leadership, even Christian leadership, can be tempted to love self and move into narcissism. So what can we who are Christian leaders do to avoid this trap? What can we do proactively? Allow me to offer five suggestions.

Pray that God will open our eyes. A person of prayer is already demonstrating humility. He or she is admitting a dependency on God instead of self. Let those prayers include a request for God to remove the scales from our eyes, to let us see ourselves as we really are.
Get a trusted advisor. Leaders need someone who can speak truth into their lives. Unfortunately, many leaders surround themselves with sycophants who only tell them what they want to hear.
Get the true picture from those who serve under us. Narcissistic leaders might fool those who don’t see us up close.  But a true, clear, and often painful picture may be available from those who are and were closest to us. They really know us. But they may not have the fortitude to speak truth into our lives. It can be very helpful for a trusted advisor or coach to interview these current and former co-workers with a promise of anonymity.
Repent. Narcissism is a sin. Once we have an awareness of this sin, we must confess it to God.
Seek to restore relationships. A few years ago a trusted friend confronted me with my narcissistic behavior. He let me know that I was hurting others and harming my leadership. I never knew who shared with him about my sin. But I thought it was critical to let my leadership team know of my awareness, my apologies, and my desire to change in God’s power. The entire process was very painful for me, but very necessary for me personally and for my leadership.

Christians who are leaders can be prone to think we have achieved our leadership status because of our intellect and keen skills.  And that type of thinking is the first step toward narcissism. The godly Christian leader will realize that he or she is a recipient and conduit of grace, not a dispenser of wisdom and strategic insights.

And when we have that awareness, there is no way we can see ourselves as anything but a sinner who needs the grace and strength of our Lord every day and every minute.

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10 Ideas from Wise Leaders

By Chuck Lawless

I read a lot about leadership, but that’s not the primary way I’ve learned about leadership. To be honest, most of the important insights I’ve learned about leadership have not come from a book. They’ve come from watching leaders with whom I’ve been privileged to work.

I’m a practical person who wants action more than concepts, experience more than theory, and results more than dreams. That’s why what leaders do often catches my attention more than what they think. Look at these ten creative actions I’ve learned from others.

Give your family veto power over your schedule.  He’s an incredibly busy man, but he somehow manages his schedule well. Here’s what he taught me: involve your wife before you make a commitment that requires you to be away from home after work hours. Be prepared to change your schedule if your family says, “We need you at home.” You’ll be less likely to lose your family in the midst of busyness if they have opportunity to help you plan your schedule.
Compliment first before negatively critiquing. It was a young pastor who taught me this strategy: before you offer constructive criticism, always give a minimum of three compliments first. You’ll find that any frustration is tempered by the positive thoughts.
Pray before, during, and after meetings.  This kind of praying happens only with intentionality. One of the best leaders I know prays at the start and end of every meeting – and he intentionally prays about needs that become apparent during the meeting. It is often the mid-meeting praying that most surprises (and encourages) others.
Honor and thank your staff’s families.  One of my previous pastors taught me the importance of honoring the families of your team members. Give your staff a day off on their spouse’s birthday and their anniversary. Write a note of thanksgiving to the entire family of a staff member. Offer to provide childcare so a couple can have a night out.
Learn first names.  I struggle with names, but I’ve learned from a friend who strives to learn at least two new names a week in his ministry. He remembers the names of church members and their families, worship service guests, local ministers, and others in his community. Writing a few notes about a person, and then reviewing those notes as you work to memorize names, can make a difference.
Never eat lunch alone. I’m an introvert who has learned a lot from an extrovert friend. He uses his lunch times strategically, and he accomplishes more in an hour lunch than others do in a full day. It’s really quite amazing how much you can do in a concentrated time with one other person – and you get to eat a good lunch at the same time!
Always keep in mind your successor. A former employer has led his organization for two decades now, and he may well be in that role for another decade or so. Already, though, he is working to make sure that what he hands over to his successor is strong. He is not interested in saddling the next leader with deferred maintenance, debilitating debts, or weak infrastructure. His insights remind me to think about the person who will take my position after I’m gone.
Connect with young people.  All of us say that the young people are the future, but few of us give them the attention they deserve. Not so for a former student of mine, who annually goes to camp with young people of the church he pastors. In addition, he prioritizes his schedule when his student minister requests his presence at a student event. It’s no surprise to me that several of those young people are now preparing for ministry.
Spend one hour per day—in addition to the lunch hour—out of your office.  A colleague has seemingly perfected this strategy. Find time each day to visit others in the work place. Greet others at the door. Unexpectedly drop in other offices simply to ask how co-workers are doing. Stay longer if a co-worker needs more time. The time you spend with others will pay dividends.
Make work fun. The strongest leaders I have ever worked with make it fun to come to work. They do not take themselves seriously, even while they work incredibly hard. They laugh a lot (though I’ve seen them weep as well over co-workers and tragedies). Others genuinely enjoy being with them. What I’ve realized is that these leaders are not just fun people in general; instead, they work to make work fun.  

What other insights have you gained from leaders?

Chuck Lawless currently serves as Professor of Evangelism and Missions and Dean of Graduate Studies at Southeastern Seminary. You can connect with Dr. Lawless on both Twitter and Facebook.

photo credit: Life Mental Health via photopin cc

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Seven Reasons Your Church Needs a Social Media Director

I continue to be amazed at the exponential growth of social media as a key form of communication in our culture. Church leaders need to understand the importance of this medium as they attempt to contextualize and reach the culture in which their churches reside.

In fact, I am going to encourage churches take another big step in social media. I recommend that most churches need a social media director. For the majority of churches, this person will be an unpaid volunteer. I am familiar with a number of small churches that have found such a person in their congregation just by asking. I even see this position as a key ministry position in the church for years to come. Allow me to offer seven key reasons churches need one individual coordinating and leading social media for the congregation.

Social media is fast becoming a preferred method of communication. It cannot and should not be ignored by church leaders. We miss opportunities to minister and share the gospel when we neglect social media. Just like any major ministry in the church, this ministry needs one person to lead and drive such efforts.
Having one individual lead social media will avoid the pitfalls of mixed messages. Though this church may be an exception, I know one congregation that was sending out contradictory information from Twitter and Facebook. There were different persons handling each form of social media, and they were not communicating with each other. There are many different venues for social media. Congregations need one person to keep the messages consistent.
A congregation’s social media expressions need a consistent voice. I am differentiating here between “message” and “voice.” A consistent voice has a consistent tone. The writing style is consistent. The level of responsiveness is consistent. The length of message is consistent (Yes, there are some verbose persons even on Twitter). Church members and potential members need to hear a consistent voice regardless of the social media platform they are engaging.
A good social media director understands the language of the people. He or she can engage others on Twitter, Google Plus, Facebook, Instagram, and others. And the more he or she is involved, the more adept at the language that person becomes. The director can also coordinate with the pastor and other leaders if they happen to have blogs or podcasts. The social media director helps provide “translation” to get the message out to others engaged in social media.
One person acting as social media director can help give priority to the different messages the church needs to send. Ideally, that person is in regular contact with the pastor and other church leaders about the ministry priorities in the congregation. Those priorities should then be communicated via social media. Undoubtedly, every church has members with different ideas about what is more important. A social media director, working with the leadership of the church, can make wise decisions about communication issues.
A social media director can help find the church’s  “sweet spot” in social media. No one person, and not many organizations, can be active in every conceivable social media expression. So people and organizations begin to gravitate toward those areas where communication is most efficient and effective. In my world, for example, my blog and Twitter are the two media platforms in my sweet spot, though I am involved in other social media.
Effective social media needs ongoing attention. When a church has one person leading, directing, and coordinating social media, that person has an important and busy ministry in the church. Constant attention is necessary to make the communication relevant and effective. The social media director is just the person to provide that attention.

As I have advocated in a previous blog post, churches must and should be involved in social media. It is now the language of the people much like a missionary discovers when he or she is in a new culture and new land. The social media director, whether paid or volunteer, is critical for the missional health of congregations. I see this ministry position becoming more and more common in churches around the world.

What do you think about having a social media director as a key ministry position in churches? What is your church doing in this area right now?

photo credit: Jason A. Howie via photopin cc

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Pray for Liberty House & Fort Hood

Location: Killeen, Texas

Pastor: Kenny Rawls

Worship Time: 10:30 AM Central Time

Fast Facts: Earlier this week, tragedy struck at Fort Hood in the Killeen, TX area when Ivan Lopez took the lives of three people, wounded 16 more, then turned the gun on himself. I have featured Liberty House on the blog once before, but in the wake of this week’s shooting, it was only fitting that I feature them once more. Please pray for Pastor Kenny Rawls and Liberty House’s continued outreach to both Fort Hood and the Killeen area. Also pray for healing for those wounded as well as the families of the victims and the family of Spc. Lopez.

Website: LibertyHouseKilleen.com

“Pray for . . .” is the Sunday blog series at ThomRainer.com. We encourage you to pray for these churches noted every Sunday. Please feel free to comment that you are praying as well.

If you would like to have your church featured in the “Pray for…” series, download this information form and return it to the address on the form.

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Ten Fears of Church Leaders

I have not hidden my love for pastors and other church leaders. And I have said and written on many occasions that these church leaders often have a very difficult work. In fact, I recently told a large gathering of seminary students to consider very seriously their calling. No one should enter the ministry unless the calling is clear and secure.

As I converse and hear from church leaders across the country and beyond, I often hear of their challenges and fears. We all know that God has commanded us not to fear but, in our humanity and sinfulness, we do lapse into fear. I certainly did as a pastor, and I still succumb to that sin today.

So what are the most common fears of church leaders today? Here are ten I hear often, listed in my perceived order of frequency.

Fear of critics. Leading a church means the leader will have critics. Sometimes the criticisms become so frequent that it seems easier not to lead. For pastors and other church leaders, the steady inflow of negative comments becomes emotionally, spiritually, and physically draining.
Fear of failure. This fear is almost universal, and church leaders are not exempt from it. Leadership requires faith-based steps, what the world calls risk. Some church leaders do not lead forward because they fear they will not succeed.
Fear of power brokers. These church members often are the informal but true decision makers of the church. Some of them have great influence. Some of them are big financial givers to the church. Some of them are both.
Fear of failing to please. All of us want to be loved, and church leaders are no different. Sometimes this desire develops into a people-pleasing attitude. When it does, the leader is constantly confronted with the reality that any decision or action is likely to displease someone.
Fear of change. Most of us have our own comfort zones. Some pastors and church staff are willing to move and lead out of their comfort zones. But some are not.
Fear of nitpickers. There is obvious overlap in this fear and the fear of critics. The nitpickers often don’t view themselves as critics; they offer suggestions about points of minutia. For example, this group includes those who remind the pastor to make announcements of minor matters five minutes before a worship service begins.
Fear of finances. This fear takes at least two different forms. The first is a general fear of anything financial because the church leader was not trained in this area. The second is a fear to take prudent steps of financial faith lest the finances of the church are harmed.
Fear of others seeing weaknesses. Pastors, in particular, are often expected to be omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent. But the reality is that no leader or no pastor is good at everything. Some leaders are fearful that those areas will be exposed to church members.
Fear of offending others. Those who are in vocational ministry often must take stands and speak truth that goes against the grain of culture, and even can offend church members. While all church leaders should speak truth with an irenic spirit, many do not do so because they don’t desire to hurt the feelings of others.
Fear of success. A number of pastors have shared with me their fear of doing well in some area of ministry, but then not having the ability to build on their successes. One pastor told me in a moment of vulnerability that he tries to keep his church small, because he fears he doesn’t have the skillset to lead a larger church.

So what is the purpose of this article? Am I trying to shame pastors and other church leaders for their lack of faith and their succumbing to fear? Not really. More than anything else, I am offering it as a reminder and a challenge. We all are prone to different fears and insecurities at times. And, yes, our fear of these types of matters does reflect a lack of faith in God.

Perhaps more than anything else, I am encouraging church leaders to lean more upon the God who called us, the One who promised He would always be with us.

Let me know what you would add to my thoughts.

In the meantime, here are a few verses from Psalms as good reminders, all verses are from the HCSB:

“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom should I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom should I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1)

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all fears.” (Psalm 34:4).

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.” (Psalm 56:3)

“In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust, I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 56:4)

“He will not fear bad news; his heart is confident, trusting in the Lord” (Psalm 112:7)

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An Interview with Dr. Tony Evans – Rainer on Leadership #049

Podcast Episode #049

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Dr. Tony Evans was recently our guest at LifeWay. While he was here, Jonathan and I had a chance to sit down with him and record an episode of Rainer on Leadership. Dr. Evans is still one of the greatest influences on my ministry, and I was encouraged by this discussion about life, ministry, fatherhood, and more.

In our discussion, I we covered these questions and quite a few more:

What have been the significant shifts in pastoring that you’ve seen over the past 40 years?
What steps did you take to as a husband and father to strengthen your relationship with your wife and kids as your ministry grew in notoriety?
How did the way you handled the fame you experienced help your children to process that which they’ve reached in their respective careers?
How has your involvement as a chaplain in the NBA and NFL helped you as a pastor?

Episode Sponsor

This week’s episode is brought to you by Explore the Bible. In Order for the Word to Dwell in You, You Must Know the Word. For every Christian, a deep knowledge of the Word helps make the difference between a shallow faith and a life of trust and obedience. This intimacy with the Word develops as we dedicate our lives to reading and studying it personally, in community with others, and regularly examining how it should impact us every day. For more information visit LifeWay.com.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free autographed copy of I Am a Church Member.

Resources

Kingdom Man

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Friday Is for Freebies: The Power of God’s Names

My giveaway this week includes a new Bible study from Dr. Tony Evans, .

Because of God’s depth of character, He has a variety of names to reflect His different capacities of relating to humanity. God is called Elohim when referenced as the all-powerful Creator. When you need provision, get to know the name Jehovah Jireh, which means God, the Provider. God has a name for any and every situation that you can find yourself in. Get to know the names of God through this six-session study because it is in knowing His character and His capacity that you will rest and discover both peace and power in His covenant care.

Also included is the black, genuine leather version of the HCSB Study Bible, a comprehensive, easy to read, and easy to use Bible, with features and formats specifically designed to enhance your Bible study experience. You can also go to MyStudyBible.com and dive right in for a complete digital experience.

This Bible has a retail price of $79.99 and features 15,000 study notes, 290 Hebrew and Greek word studies, 66 highly detailed book introductions, 62 maps, 27 topical articles, 20 charts, and 18 illustrations, all focusing on the most important topics and questions in Bible study.

Enter this week’s Friday Is for Freebies giveaway

To enter this week’s giveaway, fill out the form below. Entries will be closed at midnight Saturday night. We will contact the winner via email on Monday morning. Names and addresses are deleted each week and are just used to select a winner. RSS and email subscribers should click through to the website to enter.

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After submitting your entry, you will be directed back to the ThomRainer.com homepage. By entering, you acknowledge and accept the terms of the promotion.

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Notable Voices – April 3, 2014

When Vision Stops – Sam Rainer

If you pastor for any length of time, you’ll undoubtedly face an issue when something “unforeseen grinds the church to a halt.” Sam shares how to lead in the wake of those events.

 

Revolutionary or Evolutionary? 5 Tips for Pastors in a New Role – Jeff Bigelow

I’ve written previously on a pastor’s first 90 days. This article from Jeff provides more insight into those crucial first few months of leading a new church.

 

Is Church Membership Really Required? – Ricky Jones

We are seeing an increased emphasis on biblical church membership across the nation. As it grows, more people are asking if church membership should even be required. In I Am a Church Member, I firmly state that it should be. Ricky continues to make that case in this article.

 

7 Helpful Skills for Pastors Leading Growing Churches – Ron Edmondson

Ron’s insights on leadership are extremely helpful. While he frames these skills for pastors of growing churches, they would apply to any pastor or leader.

 

Platt Wasn’t Enough For My Church – Andy Schmitz

Andy shares a fascinating story of how the church he pastors was formed out of a small group of believers who started watching streaming sermons and eventually became a full-fledged church. It’s a testimony of both the power of technology and our need for local community.

 

A Letter From the President: Reflections On Ten Wonderful Years – Danny Akin

Earlier this week I attended the 10th anniversary celebration for my good friend Danny Akin at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. It was a wonderful event. This week, Danny shared his thoughts online about his first 10 years in Wake Forest.

 

15 Grammar Goofs That Make You Look Silly – CopyBlogger

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What Worship Style Attracts the Millennials?

My son, Jess Rainer, and I recently spoke in Texas on the topic of the Millennials, America’s largest generation of nearly 79 million persons. Because we co-authored a book entitled The Millennials, we have had the opportunity to speak on the subject on many occasions.

We reminded this audience in Dallas of the birth dates of this generation, 1980 to 2000, and then proceeded to share our research. We had commissioned LifeWay Research to survey 1,200 of the older Millennials; the researchers did an outstanding job. We have thus been able to share incredible amounts of data and insights from these young adults.

The Question about Worship Style

As in most of our speaking settings, we allow a portion of our presentation to be a time of questions and answers. And inevitably someone will ask us about the worship style preferences of the Millennials.

Typically the context of the question emanates from a background of nearly three decades of “worship wars.” In other words, on what “side” are the Millennials? Traditional? Contemporary? Or somewhere on the nebulous spectrum of blended styles?

And though Jess and I did not originally ask those questions in our research, we have sufficient anecdotal evidence to respond. And our response is usually received with some surprise. The direct answer is “none of the above.”

The Three Things That Matter Most

You see, most Millennials don’t think in the old worship war paradigm. In that regard, “style” of worship is not their primary focus. Instead they seek worship services and music that have three major elements.

They desire the music to have rich content. They desire to sing those songs that reflect deep biblical and theological truths. It is no accident that the hymnody of Keith and Kristyn Getty has taken the Millennials by storm. Their music reflects those deep and rich theological truths.
The Millennials desire authenticity in a worship service. They can sense when congregants and worship leaders are going through the motions. And they will reject such perfunctory attitudes altogether.
This large generation does want a quality worship service. But that quality is a reflection of the authenticity noted above, and adequate preparation of the worship leaders both spiritually and in time of preparation. In that sense, quality worship services are possible for churches of all sizes.

The Churches They Are Attending

Millennial Christians, and a good number of seekers among their generation, are gravitating to churches where the teaching and preaching is given a high priority. They are attracted to churches whose focus is not only on the members, but on the community and the world. Inwardly focused congregations will not see many Millennials in their churches.

And you will hear Millennials speak less and less about worship style. Their focus is on theologically rich music, authenticity, and quality that reflects adequate preparation in time and prayer.

But they will walk away from congregations that are still fighting about style of music, hymnals or screen projections, or choirs or praise teams. Those are not essential issues to Millennials, and they don’t desire to waste their time hearing Christians fight about such matters.

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“Spy” Considerations for Easter Sunday

By Chuck Lawless

Last year, I published on this blog, “Eight Confessions of Church Spies,” a summary report from the “spies” our church consulting team, the Lawless Group, has used over the years. As we approach the season of Resurrection Sunday—when guests are more abundant at our churches—perhaps these questions will help you consider what guests experience at your church. You might want to evaluate over the next two weeks so you are more prepared for Easter Sunday.

Review the available means to determine the location of the church and times for the church services:

Does your church have a website?  If the church has no website, how would you learn about the church?
If your church has a website, is it helpful?  User-friendly?  Does it provide the information you need to get to the church on time?
What conclusions do you reach about the church based on its website? Does the website make you want to attend your church? 

Having driven to the church and entering the parking lot, consider these questions:

Was it difficult to find the building?  Would a person naturally drive by this building, or must you be intentionally going to this building to find it?
Based upon your first view of the buildings, what is your impression of the church?
Is there a church sign?  If so, is it helpful?
Is guest parking available?  If so, how is it marked? Are there signs directing you to any guest parking?
Are there greeters in the parking lot?
Is the parking lot adequate? Convenient to the main entrance?
Is there a convenient passenger loading/unloading area? Is it covered for use in inclement weather?
Is it easy to locate the main entrance? Do you immediately know where to go to enter for church services?

As you enter the church, consider these questions:

Are there greeters at the door?
What are your first impressions of the entry foyer? Is it inviting and warm? Is it cluttered?
Is there a clearly marked, manned guest/welcome center?
Is there adequate space in the foyer for people to talk and fellowship?
Are there adequate signs to help you find your way throughout the building?
Does anyone other than assigned greeters speak to you?

If you attend an on-campus small group, think about these questions:

Are there greeters who help you get to the appropriate classroom?
What is your first reaction to the education areas?
Are there room identification signs?
If you have children, is there a security/identification process in place to help identify your child/children?
Do the classroom leaders secure needed information from you (e.g., name, address, allergies for children, your location in the building if needed in an emergency)?
Do preschool and children’s rooms communicate a sense of security and warmth?
After attending a small group, rate the experience on the basis of:

quality of the teaching, including attention to the Word
friendliness of the group
preparedness of the group (that is, were they ready to welcome and include a guest?)


Would an unchurched person understand the teaching? the terms used?
Would you attend a small group at this church again?

In the worship center, consider these questions:

What are your first feelings and thoughts as you enter? Why?
Does the worship space say anything to you about this congregation and its priorities?
Is the worship space well maintained? clean?
Does anyone greet you any time other than a recognized “greeting” time?
If the church provides any documents (e.g., bulletin, worship guide, etc.), are the documents high quality? Do they facilitate worship for you in any way?
Rate the overall experience on the basis of:

friendliness of the congregation
quality of the music
quality of the preaching, including clear attention to the Scriptures
clarity in instruction – did you know and understand what the church expected participants to do at all points in the service?
use of PowerPoint or other media to make announcements, outline sermon, etc.


Would an unchurched person understand the teaching? the terms used?
What one improvement would you suggest regarding the worship service?
Do others greet you as you leave the building?

Summary

What are your overall impressions of this church based on this visit?
Would you return to visit this church? Why or why not?

What have you learned about your church? What other questions might you add?

Chuck Lawless currently serves as Professor of Evangelism and Missions and Dean of Graduate Studies at Southeastern Seminary. You can connect with Dr. Lawless on both Twitter and Facebook.

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