Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 309

A Letter I Gave to Couples Who Wanted Me to Perform Their Wedding Ceremony

When I was a pastor, I had many couples asked me to perform their wedding ceremonies. In fact, one year I officiated at 40 weddings. In case you are wondering, I was really stupid to accept so many invitations.

I am pretty conservative about doing weddings. I see the role of the Christian minister to be narrowly defined regarding when he says “yes” to such opportunities. As a result, I often found myself in some awkward positions when I had to decline to perform the ceremony.

The dilemma became much more palatable when I sent a letter to the prospective wedding couple who inquired about my availability. A lot of the awkwardness dissipated, and a good number of the couples never came to see me. When my assistant received a request from a couple inquiring about my performing a ceremony, she told the couple that she would send them a letter. They were welcome to make an appointment with me after they read the letter shown below.

Dear Prospective Newlyweds,

Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming marriage! I am honored you asked me to perform the wedding ceremony.

Please understand that I perform weddings for couples where both the man and woman are Christians. My role is that of a Christian minister. I am unable to be a part of a wedding where either the husband or the wife will not be fully committed to Christ. The most important foundation of a marriage is the faith commitment of the couple. Both the husband and wife must demonstrate when they meet with me that they profess Christ as their Lord and Savior; and they must share with me the specifics of their Christian testimony. If you are not certain about your faith, I would be happy to share with you what it means to be a Christian.

The Bible also teaches that intimate or sexual relations must be limited to the marriage relationship between a man and a woman. Any other sexual relationship is sinful. If you are currently sexually active, you must indicate your desire to repent of your sin. If you are living together, you must be willing to live apart from one another until you are married.

Finally, I must require any couple planning to marry to receive premarital counseling. I have several choices I can recommend to you.

If you are willing to abide by the issues I state in this letter, please feel free to make an appointment with me, so we can determine next steps. Marriage is a God-given institution. It is something to be honored and celebrated. It is a commitment for life. I pray that your marriage will honor our Lord in all that you do and say.

In His service,

Thom S. Rainer

Let me know what you think of my letter. And let me know what your experiences are in weddings and premarital considerations. I bet it could be a lively discussion!

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Pastoral Do-Overs – Rainer on Leadership #052

Podcast Episode #052

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Every pastor has said or done something he has regretted. It’s inevitable that occasionally we will let down our families, our congregants, and ourselves. So I recently asked my followers on Twitter what they would want to do over as a pastor. Here were their top seven responses:

Said or wrote something out of anger. 
Obsessed with one or a few critics. 
Failed to admit a mistake. 
Neglected a family member for a church need. 
Pushed an initiative rather than getting buy-in.
Left a church too soon. 
Focused on/obsessed over another church in the community.

Episode Sponsor

This week’s podcast is brought to you by Ministry Grid, a leadership training platform which launched in November. Ministry Grid features videos, training resources, and more and is fully customizable to the needs of your church with the option for you to add content, create tracks for different ministries, and track the progress of participants. For more information visit ministrygrid.com.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free copy of I Am a Church Member.

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Friday Is for Freebies: Truth Matters

My giveaway this week includes the new book, Truth Matters.

Easy to read yet loaded with substance, Truth Matters is a level-headed reaction to those who equate Christian faith with “blind faith,” even those whose subtle or stated goal is to separate students from their religious traditions. Readers will discover the kind of historical information and thinking skills that build a sturdy backbone of confidence in high schoolers and young adults, making them able to defend by “reasoned faith” what the Bible claims as truth. Things like: What gives the Bible any authority or credibility? Where is God in a world full of suffering? Why should Christianity be any more believable than any other religious system? And many, many more.

Also included is the black, genuine leather version of the HCSB Study Bible, a comprehensive, easy to read, and easy to use Bible, with features and formats specifically designed to enhance your Bible study experience. You can also go to MyStudyBible.com and dive right in for a complete digital experience.

This Bible has a retail price of $79.99 and features 15,000 study notes, 290 Hebrew and Greek word studies, 66 highly detailed book introductions, 62 maps, 27 topical articles, 20 charts, and 18 illustrations, all focusing on the most important topics and questions in Bible study.

Enter this week’s Friday Is for Freebies giveaway

To enter this week’s giveaway, fill out the form below. Entries will be closed at midnight Saturday night. We will contact the winner via email on Monday morning. Names and addresses are deleted each week and are just used to select a winner. RSS and email subscribers should click through to the website to enter.

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After submitting your entry, you will be directed back to the ThomRainer.com homepage. By entering, you acknowledge and accept the terms of the promotion.

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Notable Voices – April 24, 2014

Is Your Church Ready for a Mobile App? – Pastors Today

With the advances made in smartphone technology, churches now have the opportunity to provide low-cost mobile apps for their members and visitors. These apps can now include everything from prayer walls, contact info, blog feeds, and even live streaming of services.

 

When Pastors Fall: Why Full and Public Repentance Matters – Ed Stetzer

The internet has allowed news to spread faster than ever. And the only thing which spreads faster than good new is bad news. So when news of a pastor scandal comes to light, Ed suggests pastors be fully repentant and open when apologizing.

 

How Can We Increase Ethnic Diversity in Our Churches? – Russ Moore

One of the main points in my upcoming book Autopsy of a Deceased Church is that declining churches fail to resemble their community. Dr. Moore shares a biblical example of how churches should take steps toward having their congregation look more like their community.

 

How Churches Can Help Prevent Pastor Suicides – Marty Duren

Mental health is important in any aspect of life, but especially so in the ministry. Marty shares several ways to minister to those who minister to us.

 

Stop Dressing so Tacky for Church – John Blake

One topic in the church I haven’t covered much on the blog is how people dress for corporate worship gatherings. Blake unpacks several points on both sides of the issue in this article.

 

7 Warning Signs Your Church Has Ministry Silos – Tony Morgan

Tony is beginning a series on his blog about how to identify and break down ministry silos in the church. I’d encourage you to examine your church and the problems ministry silos can create.

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Seven Trends in Church Names

The call came from an eager young man starting a new church in Florida. He already had 50 people meeting in homes in Bible studies. They had secured a leased space to launch the church in just a few months. But they were having trouble coming to a consensus on the name of the church. What could I tell him about church names? Were there pitfalls or opportunities where they needed greater awareness for their church’s name?

While I could not provide a precise church name for their congregation, I could share with him these seven trends I had seen emerge. Perhaps “trend” is not the best choice of a word, since some of these issues have been around for quite a while.

Newer churches are consistently using descriptors in their names other than denominational affiliation. Some are focusing on their location. Others are at least implying a distinctive doctrinal leaning. And still others are using more trendy and less common terms.
Denominational names, though, are still dominant among church names. Though the information is four years old, . Some of their conclusions are still valid today. Denominational names still dominate, and “Baptist” is the major denominational name.
The most common church name is “First Baptist.” Over 5,000 churches have this name. Of course, this name by itself does not specify which Baptist denomination; and there are many different denominations that have Baptist in their own name.
Many words are becoming common in newer church names. Some of those words are Christ, Community, Fellowship, Assembly, Center, Chapel, Life, Faith, Bible, Grace, and New.
Outsiders are often confused about church names. Several years ago, I did an informal survey of the preferred denomination among unchurched persons. The second most frequent response was the “Community” denomination. Of course, that denomination does not exist; but it is in a lot of church names.
The Internet has led to shorter church names. Churches are choosing names that don’t become a long URL.
Church names may be important, but they are not the most important factor in people choosing a church home. Relationships, personal invitations, good preaching, and friendly people, among other reasons, still trump the church name as the reason someone chooses a particular church.

One of the more challenging features of a church name takes place when the church is named for a location, but that location no longer exists. Or, perhaps, the church moved from that location. So if Hickory Avenue Community Church is no longer located on Hickory Avenue, guests may be confused by the name related to the location. Still, many churches tenaciously hold on to such names, even if it engenders confusion.

I also see a number of churches take a name after a church split. For example, a group of people split from the Harmony Church after an ugly church fight, and took on the new name of Greater Harmony Church.

I would love to hear your thoughts on church names. I also hope some of you can share some interesting and, perhaps, humorous church names of which you are aware.

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Biblical Literacy in the Church: Three Benefits

In my book I Am a Church Member, I reference the envelope check-off system. Some of you are older like me. So you remember these envelopes.

Each week at church you would turn in your offering in an envelope. On the outside of the envelope was a place for your name, the amount you were giving, and a series of boxes to check if you were diligent in several spiritual activities for the week.

So you would check the box that indicated you were attending worship service. Another box said you were going to a Sunday School class. Still another communicated that you were tithing.

And then there was that other box. I can almost remember my hands shaking as my pen approached the minute cube: “Read Bible daily.”

Ouch. I read the Bible five days the previous week, but not all seven days. Wasn’t that sufficient for the inquisitive box? I would be tempted to check the box but, alas, I couldn’t tell the lie.

After all, I had read Acts 5 and the story about Ananias and Sapphira.

I was taking no chances. Would you?

The Problem of Biblical Illiteracy

You have undoubtedly read some of the studies that bemoan the growing biblical illiteracy in America. But the problem is almost as pervasive among Christians as non-Christians.

According to LifeWay Research, just three out of five Christians read their Bible at least weekly. Yet in the midst of church activities and busyness, many church leaders fail to emphasize one of the greatest needs of the church. Simply stated, Christians need to be reading the Bible and studying it in community.

The Results of Biblical Literacy

We know that we should be reading and studying the Bible. But what are the results when actually accomplish this? Let me share three results of increased Biblical literacy:

We Grow Spiritually as Individuals. A 30-minute sermon once a week is not a sufficient time in the Word. If we expect to mature as followers of Christ, we must commit to a lifestyle of letting the Word of Christ dwell in us richly (Col. 3:16).
Our Churches Are Healthier. Healthy churches are made up of healthy members. Church members who dwell in the Word overflow with the fruits of the Spirit. They are patient, loving, joyful, and others-focused.
We Reach More for Christ. Biblical literacy is the foundation for evangelism and missions. We should not expect to be motivated to tell others about God’s love for them if we are not engaged in His word. Conversely, when we are dwelling in the Word and it is dwelling in us, we can’t help but tell others the good news of Christ.

The Movement Toward Biblical Literacy

Every pastor wants his congregation to be growing spiritually. But no matter how great of a preacher you are, a 30-minute sermon isn’t enough on its own to foster the type of spiritual health needed. That’s where small groups and personal discipleship come in.

Healthy groups study the Word, so what are your groups studying? We found in our Transformational Groups research, that nearly two-thirds of group resources are chosen by the group leaders, many of whom have no input from pastors or staff. And while pastors and staff shouldn’t be curriculum dictators, they should at least be informed and provide input. For this very reason, LifeWay is committed to providing resources which are able to be used in any environment, whether Sunday morning or during the week, at church or in homes.

If you are interested in checking out a book-by-book resource to study the text in its context in order for participants to obey the text in their context, LifeWay is offering a free trial of our redesigned Explore the Bible curriculum. Formerly a study only for adults, now adults, young adults, students, and kids will all study the same Bible book and same memory verse. This week, you can also enter to win a free year of Explore the Bible curriculum for you church.

Biblical literacy is critical to healthy church members and, as a result, healthy churches. Explore the Bible can help your members dwell in the Word as it dwells in them richly.

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Six Reasons Pastors Should Not Quit Their Jobs on Monday

I’ve heard it countless times from pastors: “I quit my job almost every Monday.” Of course, it’s typically a tongue-in-cheek statement regarding the letdown many pastors feel after Sunday. But most pastors say these words with a little bit of truth. They really do feel the struggles and challenges of being pastor more on Monday than most other days.

The title of this article could be “Six Reasons Pastors Want to Quit Their Jobs on Monday,” but I’ve chosen to take a different approach. I will give the six most common reasons I’ve heard for quitting, but then I’ll offer rejoinders that offer encouragement on why they should not quit.

“I am emotionally spent after preaching on Sunday.” I understand fully. But don’t make hasty decisions or judgments after such an emotionally draining experience. Most people will never know what goes into sermon preparation and what it takes out of the pastor. Hang in there. God will restore your strength.
“I have to prepare another sermon for next Sunday.” When you are a pastor who preaches one or more sermons each week, you rarely get a rest from the energy expended from the previous week. That’s the downside. But the upside is that God called you to preach. You actually have the incredible opportunity to communicate God’s Word to His people. See the bigger picture and the greater opportunity.
“So many critics nitpicked at me on Sunday.” Yes, that’s too common. You have more of the members gathered at one time on Sunday, so it’s more likely you’ll get criticized by one or more of them. Just remember, God called you to serve a church of sinners. And remember you are a sinner too. Ask God to show you His love for these critics. It might give you a new perspective.
“All of the faces I see on Sunday remind me of the huge responsibility I have.” It can indeed be overwhelming. You are called to shepherd so many persons with so many needs. I would advise you to quit except for one major factor. You are called to serve these people in God’s power, not your own. Give the burdens to Him.
“We had a bad day Sunday.” How was your day bad? Low numbers? Did you feel like your sermon did not connect? Did some people say something that made you feel that way? Take a deep breath and see God’s perspective. You may be surprised to see how He was working on this so-called bad day. You may look back on this bad day as one of the best days of your ministry. Trust Him for that promise.
“I am worn out.” You are more likely to feel that way on Monday than any other day. Pause for a moment. Ask God to refresh you. He will. That’s not my promise; it is His. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

There can be days, especially Mondays, when you might feel like quitting. No one can understand the demands on a pastor unless they have experienced it. But you were called by Him. You are sustained by Him. You have His promises.

Don’t quit. The best days of your ministry might be just ahead. It would be a shame if you missed them.

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Pray for Community Bible Church

Location: High Point, North Carolina

Pastor: Vacant

Weekly Worship: 9:30 AM & 11:00 AM Eastern Time

Fast Facts: What will be a great day of celebration at churches across the world will likely be one of mourning at Community Bible Church following the death of their pastor. Tragically, Pastor Robert McKeehan took his own life last weekend. We have featured Community Bible Church in the past (October 2012), but it seems only fitting to highlight them once again and ask you to pray for the church, the High Point community, and Pastor McKeehan’s family.

Website: http://www.cbchurch.org

“Pray for . . .” is the Sunday blog series at ThomRainer.com. We encourage you to pray for these churches noted every Sunday. Please feel free to comment that you are praying as well.

If you would like to have your church featured in the “Pray for…” series, download this information form and return it to the address on the form.

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Four Reminders for Those Who Might Be Unhappy in Their Present Places of Ministry

By my warped standards, it was not a good day. After nearly nine years serving as president and CEO of LifeWay, I have learned that criticisms are a part of the life and leadership I have. But the critics on this particular day seemed more numerous and more unrealistic in their expectations.

I’d had enough. I wasn’t sure I wanted another day of this job.

One of the members of my executive team came in my office. He too had a rough day. I was no help to him. When he asked me if I thought it was all worth it, I cynically responded, “I’m not so sure.”

How stupid could I be? Thousands of people would trade places with me in a heartbeat. I am blessed beyond measure. Yet I was whining, complaining about something so relatively small. And even worse, I was offering no hope to one of my own leaders. My leadership stunk! I was ashamed of myself.

I have given myself these four reminders in the past, but I needed to rehearse them again. I needed to hear them again.

We who are in ministry have been blessed by our calling. We have been called to serve Christ and His followers. God chose us for this calling, not because we deserved it, but just because He chose to do so. He never promised us an easy path. But He did promise us He would never leave us alone in our calling. What an incredible blessing.
God loves those who sometimes make our ministries difficult. I don’t want to be Jonah in Nineveh. I don’t want to be angry at the world and the people I have been called to love and to serve. My Savior has put up with a lot more garbage from me. I want to learn how to love those who seem unloving. I want to learn to love unconditionally. That’s what Jesus does. That’s what I should do.
Those in ministry who dwell on the problems rather than count their blessings will always be miserable. I know. I have been that person too many times. I am asking God this day to give me the strength and priorities to focus on the incredible ways I am blessed. I plan truly to count my many blessings.
I must keep my eyes more firmly focused on the resurrected Lord. When I am more consistent in my prayer life, I am more focused on Him. When I am in the Word daily, I am more focused on Him. When I seek to put others before myself, I am more focused on Him. When I share the gospel with others, I am more focused on Him. When I seek to minister in His name, I am more focused on Him.

Yes, I may think I had a bad day. But the reality is that I am serving a great God in a great calling at a great time. I must learn to be a man of gratitude rather than a man of complaints and negativity.

Not too long ago, I heard from a man who was fired from his church. He was still unemployed. He stated simply that he longs to be back in a church with critics, messy ministry, and 24/7 availability. But he didn’t know how good he had it until he lost it all.

May I offer I word of exhortation, a word of encouragement? Don’t be like me. Negative. Complaining. Ready to give it up over nothing. Instead, be like those men and women who minister faithfully every day. Who rejoice in their callings. Who focus on the blessings God has given them. Who long to serve others instead of whining about little problems here and there.

I’ll be back next Monday to talk about why you shouldn’t quit.

God called you. God blessed you. He will strengthen you. He will sustain you. He will give you great victories.

Focus on the resurrected Lord.

And the greatest days of your ministry will be just around the corner.

photo credit: iStockPhoto

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10 Areas of Training Pastors Need in the 21st Century – Rainer on Leadership #051

Podcast Episode #051

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Pastors receive a great deal of training in seminary and Bible colleges. But even the most scholarly pastors do not learn everything they need to know in a higher education environment. Like any other field, there is always a share of on-the-job training that you only learn once you are in the field. This week, we discuss 10 of those areas in which pastors will likely receive no formal training but still need in order to be the most effective pastor possible. The 10 areas are:

A new language—social media.
A non-Christian culture.
The decline of cultural Christians in churches.
A new work/life balance.
Unregenerate church members.
The community as a mission field.
Less automatic cultural respect of church leaders.
A more critical world.
A greater need for leadership skills. 
More churches in need of revitalization.

Episode Sponsor

This podcast was brought to you by Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary’s Doctor of Ministry program. If you want more out of your ministry, want to study with a world-class faculty and need to stay where you currently serve, the DMin at Southeastern is the answer for you. Visit SEBTS.EDU/DMIN for more information.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free autographed copy of I Am a Church Member.

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