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14 Traits Found in Toxic Leaders – Rainer on Leadership #079

Podcast Episode #079

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Unfortunately not all leaders of churches or Christian ministries act in the most Christ-like of ways. Some of these leaders, despite the Christian mission of the group they lead, create extremely toxic environments. Their leadership then hinders the growth of the church or ministry, and, if left uncorrected, often runs it into the ground. So this week on the podcast, we discuss the traits found in these leaders and what to do if you are one or work for one.

Some highlights from the episode:

There is a dark side to Christian leadership, and we should address these issues in the open.
As Christian leaders, we should exemplify the fruit of the Spirit.
The level of accountability in Christian leadership should be higher than that of secular leaders.
Toxic leaders get their joy by putting others down.
Toxic leaders rarely try to develop people. They use them up and cast them aside.
The more clear you are in your communication, the more you reveal who you really are.

The 14 traits we cover are:

They rarely demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit.
They seek a minimalist structure of accountability.
They expect behavior of others they don’t expect of themselves.
They see almost everyone else as inferior to themselves.
They show favoritism.
They have frequent anger outbursts.
They say one thing to some people, but different things to others.
They seek to dismiss or marginalize people before they attempt to develop them.
They are manipulative.
They lack transparency.
They do not allow for pushback or disagreement.
They surround themselves with sycophants.
They communicate poorly.
They are self-absorbed.

Episode Sponsor

This week’s podcast is brought to you by Pastors Today. This weekly newsletter provides pastors with resources and information from around the web written specifically for pastors. For more information and to subscribe, visit lifeway.com/pastorstoday.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free copy of Autopsy of a Deceased Church.

Resources

Fourteen Symptoms of Toxic Church Leaders

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Notable Voices: November 6, 2014

Napoleon’s Thirds: Key Strategies for Reducing Resistance to Change — Todd Adkins

Todd explains Napoleon’s thirds: those who almost always welcome change, those who oppose change, and those who wait to see who the winner will be.

 

The Most Neglected Part of the Pastor’s Job Description — Thabiti Anyabwile

Thabiti shares about something many pastors neglect in their “biblical” job description. And it’s not what you may think it might be.

 

Hold Hands Tightly, but Meet-And-Greet Times Loosely — Aaron Earls

Aaron—a fellow introvert—reflects on my post about church “stand and greet” times.

 

Five Church Planting Dangers — Tim Chester

I was recently talking with a potential church planter about dangers and opportunities when it comes to church planting. The items listed in this article by Tim are a good start.

 

Social Media, Civil Discourse, and the Fear of Missing Out — Amy Whitfield

How we say something matters as much as what we say in many instances. The same applies when it comes to social media.

 

7 Wrong Reasons to Join a Church — Nicholas T. Batzig

I’ve talked and written about church membership over the past couple of years. But while I’ve listed several reasons as to why people should join churches, here are some really bad reasons to do so.

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Responses from Those Who Really Don’t Like the Church “Stand and Greet Time”

I confess. I did not expect to write an article that engendered such strong emotions. But now nearly 600,000 people have viewed the article, and hundreds have commented.

The article to which I refer was about the simple issue of what churches do that drives first-time guests away. The most discussed issue was that which is typically called “the stand and greet time.”

A lot of people don’t like this time in many churches’ worship services. A lot of people really don’t like it.

So I decided to conclude the series with representative comments from those who said, in no uncertain terms, not to continue this exercise in your church. This sentiment was particularly strong among those who are actively visiting churches now.

Here are some of the comments:

“The meet and greet or the sign of peace or whatever your denomination may call it, it’s all the same – a personal, psycho-contrived exercise that is not only too MUCH, but too SOON.”
“As a shy introvert, a stand up meet and greet sounds terrifying. Please let me attend the service without having to do this. I can meet people afterwards if I’d like.”
“As a visitor to a new church, I can’t honestly say I’ve NEVER enjoyed, or seen the point, in a meet and great period. First of all, I’m an introvert and having a bunch of strangers come up to me all at once expecting to shake my hand and get my name and ask whether I’ve been there before and so on doesn’t feel friendly and inviting, it feels forced and uncomfortable and overwhelming.”
“This is actually the reason my wife and I left a church and didn’t come back. I have crazy allergies certain times of the year, and I adjust by sitting in the back so if I have a crazy sneezing fit or something I can duck out quietly, use the restroom, and make my way back in without disturbing other people in the service. Well I did that at a new church, and they didn’t want to let me back in. I would’ve just walked out, except my wife was still in the service.”
“Sometimes I’ve been late on purpose to avoid the forced friendliness and physical contact with strangers – especially during cold and flu season.”
“Ditch greet time; just get on with the service.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to participate in a meaningless, obligatory greeting; it’s just that I don’t want to participate in a meaningless and obligatory greeting.”
“As an introverted first time guest, this moment can be extremely stressful–even if everyone you meet is very friendly and sincere.”
“Many times we have stood in a church, where it is obvious that we are the only visitors present, and had no one greet us. It is a bit like crashing a family reunion at that point.” 
“I’m nowhere near an introvert but the most awkward part of the service for me is the greet your neighbors . . . one church we attended had a 5 good minutes of meeting those sitting around you . . . our family who was very new to the church called it 5 awkward minutes. I just don’t understand how shaking a strangers hand makes for community?! Honestly I’d rather not!”
“To this day I continue to dread the mid-service “stand up and greet the person next to you” time. I’m guessing extroverts and old-timers just don’t get how unhelpful of a practice it is.”
“I’ve gotten up and walked out of churches that do the ‘let’s meet the visitors’ thing.”
“I am not one to feel comfortable in the spotlight and literally everyone in the congregation smelled new blood and cornered me before I could make an exit.” 

Yes, the feelings are strong, Very strong. Do these comments affect how you feel about this time in church worship services?

 

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Personal Renewal and Revitalization for Church Leaders

By Chuck Lawless

Nobody I know is more knowledgeable about church revitalization than Thom Rainer is. As long as I’ve known him, he has sought to help the established church regain its footing and force. He continues to help those congregations through his recent work in revitalization, and churches will be stronger because of this work.

At the same time, I am concerned that leaders experience renewal that facilitates revitalization of the churches they lead. Leaders whose fire is re-lit are more likely to invest in the work that revitalization requires. So, church leader who longs for revitalization to occur, I am writing to you.

Here is my simple suggestion for moving toward personal renewal and revitalization: remember what it was like to be a young believer, and then recall what it was like to be a rookie pastor. Even if those days were difficult, I suspect most of us have memories that can reignite the fire. Below are some of my personal memories.

As a young believer, I…

was amazed as I heard the Word. It was fresh, new, alive, and powerful. I couldn’t wait for Sunday to come, when I would hear more in Sunday school and worship.
hungered for teaching. I wanted to know all I could about God, and every new truth fascinated me. Wonder consumed me as I learned.
wept over my sin. Grace was potent in my life. I did not want to disappoint the God who gave me mercy. When I sinned, my heart broke in repentance.
passionately shared the gospel with others. I did not worry about what kind of response I would receive; I just wanted to tell others what Jesus had done in my life. I’m sure I was at time obnoxious, but my passion was genuine.
cherished other believers. I really loved them because they really loved me first. They became my Christian family, in fact, because my parents were not followers of Christ.

Seven years after I became a believer, I began serving as a pastor. As a rookie pastor, I…

prayed continually. To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing as a pastor – so I desperately needed God’s help. From preaching to evangelizing to leading, I covered it all in prayer.
read Hebrews 13:17 with great reverence. It astounded me that God would ever use me as a pastor, and it almost frightened me that I would answer to God as I cared for the souls of my church members. Responsibility hung heavily over me.
shared the gospel frequently. That’s what I thought pastors were supposed to do: love lost people enough to tell them the good news, and lead the church to do the same. I would never have imagined a pastor who was not also evangelistic.
rejoiced in the baptismal waters. Baptizing was an incredible privilege. Up close and personally, I was blessed to be a part as new believers proclaimed their faith through this church ordinance.
believed the best about the church. They were, after all, the people of God. I believed in them first because the folks in my home church had modeled Christian love for me. Then, the church I pastored loved their “little preacher boy,” too.

My summary is simply this: when I was a young believer, and later when I was a rookie pastor, my life was marked by zeal for the Word, dependence on God, brokenness over sin, love for the church, and passion for evangelism. Where I lack any of these today, I need personal renewal and revitalization. Where I lack one or more, I hinder revitalization in my church.

Where do you need personal renewal and revitalization? How might we pray for you?

Chuck Lawless currently serves as Professor of Evangelism and Missions and Dean of Graduate Studies at Southeastern Seminary. You can connect with Dr. Lawless on both Twitter and Facebook.

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Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?

You never know what will strike a nerve in the blogosphere. A blog post I wrote Saturday went viral, and the comments, discussion, and debate are still taking place at that post.

It was really a simple article. I did a Twitter poll (not scientific, I assure you) asking first-time church guests what factors made them decide not to return. I listed the top ten in order of frequency.

The surprise factor was the number one issue. Many first-time guests really don’t like the time of stand and greet one another that some churches have. According to the Twitter responses and comments on the post, many guests really don’t like it, so much so that they will not return.

So what is it about this stand and greet time that many guests don’t like? Here are the seven most common responses, again listed in order of frequency.

Many guests are introverts. “I would rather have a root canal than be subjected to a stand and greet time.”
Some guests perceive that the members are not sincere during the time of greeting. “In most of the churches it should be called a stand and fake it time. The members weren’t friendly at all except for ninety seconds.”
Many guests don’t like the lack of hygiene that takes place during this time. “Look, I’m not a germaphobe, but that guy wiped his nose right before he shook my hand.”
Many times the members only greet other members. “I went to one church where no one spoke to me the entire time of greeting. I could tell they were speaking to people they already knew.”
Both members and guests at some churches perceive the entire exercise is awkward. “Nowhere except churches do we have times that are so awkward and artificial. If members are going to be friendly, they would be friendly at other times as well. They’re not.”
In some churches, the people in the congregation are told to say something silly to one another. “So the pastor told us to tell someone near us that they are good looking. I couldn’t find anyone who fit that description, so I left and didn’t go back.”
Not only do some guests dread the stand and greet time, so do some members. “I visited the church and went through the ritual of standing and greeting, but many of the members looked just as uncomfortable as I was. We were all doing a required activity that none of us liked.”

There are some pretty strong comments at the other post, and not all of them are negative about a stand and greet time. But apparently many guests really don’t like the exercise.

Should churches that have a stand and greet time continue to do so? Is it more negative than positive, or vice versa? Does your church have this activity? How do you feel about it? I look forward to your responses.

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Pray for Christ Church Rolesville

Location: Rolesville, North Carolina

Pastor: Vacant

Weekly Worship: 10:00 AM Eastern

Fast Facts: Christ Church Rolesville is a three-year old church that is in transition as they seek a new pastor. Please pray for them as they go through this process. Also pray for the families and community of Rolesville to be open to hearing the Gospel. Finally, be in prayer for those filling the pulpit at Christ Church as they work their way through a sermon series in the book of Philippians.

Website: ChristChurchRolesville.org

“Pray for . . .” is the Sunday blog series at ThomRainer.com. We encourage you to pray for these churches noted every Sunday. Please feel free to comment that you are praying as well.

If you would like to have your church featured in the “Pray for…” series, download this information form and return it to the address on the form.

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Top Ten Ways Churches Drive Away First-time Guests

If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.

I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.

Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.

Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”

There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.

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Trends in Pastoral Job Searches and Succession – Rainer on Leadership #078

Podcast Episode #078

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William Vanderbloemen joins us this week to discuss trends in pastoral succession and hiring practices. William Vanderbloemen has been able to combine over 15 years of ministry experience as a Senior Pastor with the best practices of Executive Search to provide churches with a unique offering: a deep understanding of local church work with the very best knowledge and practices of professional executive search. William, his wife Adrienne, have seven children and live in the Houston area.

Some highlights from the episode:

Every pastor is an interim pastor.
The church is notorious for raising the flag at sunset.
Succession planning is not just a corporate principle. It is highly biblical as well.
A church is married to one man, and it’s not the pastor—it’s Jesus.
When churches are searching out pastors, the first rule is “slow down.”
Churches hire too fast and fire too slow.
The most expensive hire you ever make is hiring the wrong person.
A lot of pastors and ministers lack the basic job seeking skills and resume writing skills.
Churches are now spending more more on fewer staff members. They have eliminated “middle management.”
Carrying the weight of the things of God becomes too much for a man at a certain age.
Make sure your pastor has good financial planning.

Episode Sponsor

This week’s podcast is brought to you by the book NEXT, Pastoral Succession That Works. While there is no simple, one-size-fits all solution to the puzzle of planning for a seamless pastoral succession, NEXT offers church leaders and pastors a guide to asking the right questions in order to plan for the future. Through case studies, interviews, and real time research, the Vanderbloemen and Bird demystify successful pastoral succession and help readers prepare for an even brighter future for their ministries. For more info visit westaffthechurch.com.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free copy of Autopsy of a Deceased Church.

Resources

Vanderbloemen Search Group
NEXT: Pastoral Succession That Works
Six Updates from Churches with Pastoral Vacancies
FindOurLeader.com

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Notable Voices: October 30, 2014

Three Future Realities of Revitalized Churches — Sam Rainer

Sam explains how resources, stability, and member loyalty need to be maximized for established churches to be successful in revitalization.

 

How to Lead Change When You’re NOT The Senior Leader — Carey Nieuwhof

I routinely receive questions from second or third level leaders about leading change when the first chair leader isn’t. There’s not a magic bullet answer, but these five tips from Carey are helpful for those looking to lead change when it’s needed.

 

7 Social Media Myths (That You Probably Think Are True) — All Twitter

I’ve heard many of these repeated from social media “experts.” It’s nice to see someone setting the record straight on social media misinformation.

 

Multi-Site Or ‘One-Service-Only?’ A Question of Evangelistic Faithfulness — JD Greear

JD begins a series on multi-site churches that is worth following. In this first article he tackles the evangelistic element behind the multi-site concept.

 

Are Millennials Leaving the Church Because of Homosexuality? — Aaron Earls

There’s been a lot of discussion on this topic in my denomination this week. Aaron summarizes it well: “[Millennials] will leave, they do leave, and they have left because we have not been faithful to Scripture with our doctrines and our lives.”

 

Americans Believe in Heaven, Hell, and Heresy — Facts & Trends

The post Notable Voices: October 30, 2014 appeared first on ThomRainer.com.

14 Questions Church Leaders Should Ask about Church Finances

A consistent theme I have seen in many churches is in the area of church finances. Many church leaders operate out of a mode of scarcity instead of abundance. While I realize that churches cannot and should not spend foolishly, too many church leaders just don’t recognize that God has provided more than they think.

Often the issue is not lack of funds, but unwise choices of church expenditures. There are many reasons for this reality; I plan to address them in a future post.

A Checklist for Your Consideration

For now, I offer a checklist of questions. As you answer these questions, I hope you will be motivated to think how your church might look at its expenditures and budgets in a different light.

If you were to start your church’s budget from scratch, how differently would it look than your present budget?
Do you have programs and ministries that, if they were discontinued, would have little negative impact on the church or the community?
How much of the church’s expenditures reflect “the way we’ve always done it”?
Are there clear lines of accountability for spending at every level?
How much of the church’s funds are used to impact the community?
Is the church spending its personnel dollars in the most effective ways?
Who are the true decision makers on how church funds are spent?
Do some of the expenditures reflect preferential treatment toward some of the members?
Is debt hindering your church from doing effective ministry?
What are the potential unintended consequences of making significant changes in the budget and expenditures?
Do you know clearly how church funds given to support missions are being used?
Does your church spend too much or too little on physical facilities?
Does the church have adequate funds for training and development of staff and laity?
Does the church’s budget reflect faith, futility, or foolishness?

An Attitude of Abundance

If we really trust that God will provide for our churches in all areas, including finances, we may realize that we do not have a money problem; we may have a stewardship problem. These fourteen questions can be a starting point to help you move toward a realistic and faith-based approach to church finances.

Let me know what you would change or add in the list above. Of course, I am always happy to hear from you in whatever direction you take this topic.

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