Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 18

Bridging Generations: The Essential Role of Mentorship in the Church

Recently, I had the privilege of speaking at a women’s conference where the diversity of attendees spanned generations. Across the table, I found myself in conversation with two women at different life stages: one fresh out of college and single, the other recently widowed. Despite their disparate circumstances, they shared a common struggle—navigating the challenges of finding an apartment, living alone, and facing the uncertainties of the future. In every church I’ve served, there has been a recurring desire to establish a mentorship program. However, the term “mentorship” can often evoke feelings of uncertainty as we grapple with questions like, “Am I old enough to be a mentor?” “What if I have never been formally mentored?” “What if I don’t know the answer?” “Why would someone want to learn from me?”

Some prefer to label it as mentoring, others as discipleship, and still others as multi-generational ministry. Yet, the reality is that it encompasses elements of all these concepts. If we fail to intentionally create spaces where women of all ages can connect, learn from each other, and serve alongside one another, we miss out on a significant aspect of God’s design for the Church.

Understanding the Essence of Mentorship

At its core, mentorship is not merely the exchange of information; it embodies the essence of empathy, understanding, and shared experience. Rather than a one-way street of knowledge transfer, mentorship thrives on mutual respect and genuine connection, where mentors and mentees alike find solace, strength, and inspiration in each other’s stories and struggles.

The Importance of Authentic Connections

One common trap in mentorship is the inclination to force connections that lack natural compatibility or chemistry. In my early twenties, I participated in a mentorship program at a church, but truth be told, it left me feeling more frustrated and isolated than empowered. Our conflicting schedules often led to missed meetings, and the conversations felt strained and awkward. It became evident that we simply weren’t a good match. However, I firmly believe that everyone has something valuable to offer, albeit in different ways. Yet, when it comes to mentorship, there’s a unique opportunity to delve deeper into our thought processes and decision-making. This depth is only achieved when we are willing to be vulnerable and honest with our mentor. True mentorship thrives in an environment of authenticity and mutual trust, where individuals can open up, share vulnerabilities, and discover common ground despite differences in age or background.

Wisdom vs. Knowledge: Embracing the Difference

Contrary to popular belief, mentorship is not solely about imparting knowledge but about sharing wisdom gleaned from lived experiences. It’s about listening attentively, asking good and probing questions, and offering guidance rooted in personal insight and wisdom through lived seasons with God. In essence, mentorship transcends the student and teacher relationship and becomes the life on life, shoulder to shoulder relationship. If I am noticing anything right now in our churches, it’s that we have struggling students and young mothers who desperately need to be told stories of how God will be with them and walk alongside them through the hard and unknown. From cancer scares to wayward children, the stories of older women who have been there and learned the hard lessons need to be repeated.

The Beauty of Mutual Encouragement

In the dynamic interplay of mentorship, both mentors and mentees find renewal and inspiration. Seasoned leaders draw vitality from the enthusiasm and fresh perspectives of the younger generation, while mentees benefit from the sage advice and seasoned wisdom of their mentors. It’s a symbiotic relationship where each person contributes to the growth and development of the other. The young women in my life that I have had the privilege of pouring into constantly push me to think outside the box and to think through how I say things and what I see. They also encourage me on my bad and hard days when I’m honest about wrestling out my faith or where I need to choose obedience instead of comfort.

Psalm 145 says: “One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.” What woman is ahead of you that you see Jesus in? She isn’t perfect but she has faithfully showed up, served, and given her life to the mission of God? What woman can you look behind and share how God has worked and moved in your marriage, or job decision, or in the tapestry of women’s ministry leadership? Mentorship emerges as a vital thread, weaving together the past, present, and future of our shared journey. Let us embrace the transformative power of mentorship, cultivating authentic connections that engage and value other generations, as we encourage and cheer on one another in new and exciting ways.

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A Starting Point for Strengthening Your Church’s Discipleship

Here’s a way to strengthen your church’s discipleship efforts today. 

In my book, Disciple, I write that many churches have a discipleship strategy that looks like a bunch of puzzle pieces lying on the floor, with nobody working to connect them. That is, a church may have the right pieces to have a good discipleship strategy, but nobody’s ever really put the pieces together to create a strategy. The result is often a church filled with activity, but few disciples. 

In my experience, though, some churches trying to address this issue still fail because they do one of the following things:

They try to put the puzzle together without having clearly defined what a “disciple” is. Churches who want to make disciples but who have never defined a “disciple” are aiming for something nebulous. They, too, will have activity that leads to no prescribed ending.They try to put the whole puzzle together too quickly, and the pieces remain only loosely connected. Yes, the church has a discipleship strategy, but the members don’t always know how the strategy works. Ministries “fit” in the strategy, yet they remain siloed and isolated. They try to adopt somebody else’s strategy and force it on their congregation. That strategy may be a good one, but that’s not a guarantee it’s the best one for every congregation. At a minimum, we need to consider how we might contextualize any strategy into a particular context. They try to do something to address the issue, but without praying much about it. This problem, of course, is a fundamental problem. To plan without praying is to say, “We can handle this issue on our own. We don’t need God’s guidance or His blessing.” Prayer matters.  They establish a plan, but then put the wrong people in charge of some of the puzzle pieces. Even the best plans can go awry with less-than-the-best leadership. And, it takes only one bad leader of one puzzle piece to weaken the church’s entire process; thus, it’s imperative to prayerfully seek the best laborers for our churches. They decide not to do anything with discipleship until all the puzzle pieces are in place. That is, they work hard on developing their strategy, but they give little attention to discipling while they’re creating that strategy. Even if they don’t do it intentionally, they put discipleship on hold regardless of how long it takes them to complete their work.

It’s this latter issue, actually, that gives raise to this blog post. While you’re working on putting the pieces together, there is a way to keep discipling during that time. In fact, it’s a fundamental way to disciple that leaders ought to be doing anyway: mentoring 1-3 other believers. 

Every church leader, beginning with the pastors, can recruit one or more believers for personal discipling. I’ve been working with a group of three young guys recently, and it requires only about 1.5 hours of my time each week—though I trust they are still getting something that helps them walk with Jesus. It might be, in fact, that the 1.5 hours are some of the best use of my time each week as I teach believers who can then teach other believers (2 Tim 2:2). And, to be honest, I’ve learned that you can handle a lot of negative stuff leaders face when you know the Lord is using you to change just a few lives. 

Pastor and church leader, you can strengthen your church’s discipleship today by investing in somebody personally. I challenge you to prayerfully seek someone ASAP—and let mentoring be one of the pieces of your church’s discipleship puzzle.

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How to Know When You’ve Stayed Too Long as a Pastor

The prevailing wisdom for pastors is longer tenure is better. I believe this principle is generally true. A string of shorter tenures is usually not healthy for churches. But it is possible to stay too long. What are some of the signs?

When you become the lightning rod with every change effort. Challenging the status quo is disruptive. You should expect people to push back when significant changes are proposed. The pastor will, at times, be the focus of criticism. If you lead, you will be challenged by those who feel the impact of change. This critique is a necessary part of accountability. However, when you become the lightning rod for every change effort, the relationship of trust between pastor and church is broken.

When you give up on innovation and find deep comfort in the status quo of the past. Church should never be the place where pastors find solace in living out nostalgia. Reaching new people and generations requires an ongoing effort to innovate, communicate, and connect.

When your physical body can no longer take the demands of ministry. Our physical bodies will ultimately fail us. The typical mid-60s retirement age does not need to be a hard-and-fast rule for pastors. Many pastors have the stamina and ability to keep shepherding well into their 70s. But there is a point when the body simply cannot handle the rigors of ministry.

When apathy or anger dominates your feelings. Emotions come and go, and we all can be fickle. But something is wrong when you remain angry, day after day, week after week. The same goes for feelings of apathy. You cannot lead a church with apathy. You cannot love a church through constant anger.

When you consistently blame the congregation for lack of progress. Who is to blame? The question is largely irrelevant. The blame may lie with a recalcitrant congregation or an incapable pastor, or no one may be to blame. Sometimes, pastors are not a good match for a congregation. Assigning blame does not help anyone. The best option is a gracious exit with limited drama.

When your primary motivator is paying the bills or cruising to retirement. Leadership is a gift from followers, not a right. Every pastor must serve first and lead second. The mission of God will never be attained with an attitude of “me first.” Pastors should be paid fairly, generously even. But it’s difficult to accomplish God’s mission through the motive of economic gain.

When you believe the church cannot possibly replace you. No one says these words out loud, so only you can know if you harbor this pride in your soul. The only irreplaceable One is Christ Himself. You are not the savior of your church.

When you would rather let the church die than die trying to save it. No church should die. Ever. Perhaps a church is far gone, deep into a toxic state of disunity. Maybe a church has decades of decline or has veered far from doctrinal convictions. Would the death of these churches advance the kingdom? Would their death glorify God? No. If God can save any person, then He can save any church. If we believe in redemption for people (anyone!), we must also believe the same for churches.

Discerning God’s will can be challenging. Personally, I made a transition many years ago where I still wonder if I correctly discerned God’s call. Every season has an end date. But what is that date? Ideally, pastors should remain at their churches for long periods of time, but there are cases when it’s time to make a move. Lastly, if possible, it’s better to have another position lined up—for you and your church. Resignations into unemployment should be avoided. The smoother the transition, the better for everyone involved.

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How Much of Church Growth Is Based on Demographics? The Data Provides a Compelling and Clear Answer

What must happen for my church to grow? Many pastors and church leaders ask this question. Whether a church grows its attendance or not is top of mind for any casual observer of American religion. Obviously, some of what drives these dynamics are unmeasurable—good preaching, strong discipleship programs, and a compelling worship experience are not easily reduced to numbers in a spreadsheet. 

However, that doesn’t mean that social science tools cannot be used to understand some of the macro-level factors that impact the trajectory of local churches. To see what data can tell us about this topic, I had to find a list of churches that had experienced tremendous growth in recent years. 

I found such a list on Outreach’s website. I wrote a short program to scrape the information from the last several years and drop it into a spreadsheet. This exercise gave me a total sample of 855

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A Game-Changer for Churches: The Know Your Beliefs Report

“Most of the report came back as expected,” the pastor told us after he received his copy of the Know Your Beliefs report. “But four points on the report shook me to the core. I had no idea that is what our members believe. It has caused me to rethink what I preach and what our community groups teach.”

The pastor’s church was one of our beta churches, congregations that tested the report before we released it to all churches. We’ve heard similar reports from other church leaders.

Some pastors asked the entire adult congregation to take the report. Some plan to ask their elders. Others said they would use it in new member classes.

In the event you missed it, my excitement is palpable. This tool might be one of the most important ministries of my life. It is truly a game-changer for churches. Welcome to the introduction of Church Answers’ newest tool, Know Your Beliefs. We are introducing it at a 30% discount for five days, only $157.50. Please take ten minutes and allow me to review a report completed by one of our beta churches (view video below). It is an absolutely amazing tool.

 

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The Incredible Story of One Church That Turned Around in 30 Days

On the one hand, I am hesitant to share this information. Our team works with several denominational leaders to implement The Hope Initiative. We get reports of God’s work every week. My concern is that I might imply that The Hope Initiative is a silver bullet. It is not. But God is using it. 

I also want to be careful to suggest that a 30-day turnaround means that the church is okay with a quick fix, and they are done. They are not. Such is the reason we often refer to The Hope Initiative as a “jump start.”

On the other hand, we are currently seeing so much fruit from this initiative that I don’t want to keep it quiet. I continue to be amazed at God’s work in these churches.

You will be amazed at the following story.

The Background

This particular African Methodist Church (AME) denominational leader asked us to work with 25 churches in his state to implement The Hope Initiative. In essence, three of our team members (including me) provided them with training, encouragement, and accountability for three months via Zoom.

What we found with this group, like most congregations, is that the churches that put the effort into The Hope Initiative are highly likely to see fruit. No, it’s not because this ministry is the silver bullet to which I alluded earlier. Instead, it is a 30-day culture shift to move hearts toward prayer and reaching the community evangelistically. Its simplicity overcomes most perceived hurdles.

Of course, I could share many stories. I thought this one would be encouraging for you church leaders.

The Church

The AME church pastor took our admonitions to heart. He and his wife found a few willing participants to go through The Hope Initiative. Brad Waggoner on our team provided one-on-one coaching between our Zoom sessions with all 25 churches. We waited as each church went through the 30-day jumpstart. Then we heard the stories.

Rather than create a narrative about this church, I took Brad’s bullet-point notes to share with you. Brad said they are very close to verbatim quotes from the pastor.

We already completed the first 30 days.Visitors have been coming.Energy is higher.We might need a bigger church building!Members are starting to pray about the Great Commission.It is spilling over. People are hearing about the book (Pray & Go) and are saying they want a copy. I am now focused on evangelism and outreach every day.Our people are praying in one accord.The Holy Spirit is present and moving. Now, we want to get our young people involved. Some people not involved in The Hope Initiative are inviting others to church as well. My wife and I are doing more outreach than ever.It feels like now all of us are doing outreach and not just the pastors. The combination of praying, reading the book, and relying on the Holy Spirit has caused much fruit.One lady was driving around praying for houses and noticed her son was praying also. She was really blessed to see this happen with her son. It has been like throwing seeds everywhere. We haven’t heard of any violence in the community since we started doing The Hope Initiative.This has been a prosperous 30 days.This has been like Superman getting his power. We will also start a group with people in the 25-35 age bracket.This has been like when people first saw electric lights. Everyone wants in on it. Initially, some people had to get past the perception that The Hope Initiative would be like schoolwork. They did The Hope Initiative during the Lent season while many members were fasting. It gave our people something to do during Lent. It boosted everything to another level.The Principles

Though The Hope Initiative is not yet a year old, we have sufficient feedback to report. It is the most significant evangelism and prayer initiative I have participated in. Indeed, we are hearing that same sentiment from many people. Here are some key principles we have learned thus far:

God honors the obedience of His people: We cannot presume upon God. We cannot control God’s responses. However, we can say that when His people earnestly pray and seek to share their faith, He honors their obedience. God commanded us to go into His fields where the harvest is plentiful (Luke 10:2-3).Simplicity works. As we began the beta tests of The Hope Initiative last year, we saw church members respond readily to the simplicity of the approach. They read a challenge a day for 30 consecutive days and respond accordingly. Each challenge is clear and simple.A few people can initiate significant positive change in a church. Though we get reports of a large number of people participating in The Hope Initiative, most of them begin with a few members invited by the pastor. There does not have to be a burden of recruiting many people. Note the verbatim in this article. When members who were not participating in The Hope Initiative saw the response of those who were, they wanted to be a part of this movement.The emphasis can be ongoing. In every church we have consulted or church leaders we coached, those evangelistic churches had one common action. They had some type of evangelistic effort in the church at least once a quarter. Many church leaders decided to use The Hope Initiative on an ongoing basis. Though there are countless ways to lead evangelism in the church, the congregation can use this approach multiple times a year.Typically, the most eager participants in The Hope Initiative were those who had participated before. This effort does not have to be one-and-done. Next month, I will participate in my church’s introduction of The Hope Initiative. It will be my fourth time. The blessings I see increase with each round of my participation.

I do not presume upon God’s future for The Hope Initiative. But I am grateful to Him for what He has done thus far. People have been saved. Prayer has increased in churches. Churches are unified. And the power of God is evident.

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to Him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and forever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:20-21, NLT).

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12 Things I Would Do Differently if I Were Starting Ministry Again

This month, I celebrated 43 years in full-time ministry. It’s hard to believe I’ve been at this work that long—maybe because most of the years have been great joys. Here are some things I would do differently, though, if I were starting again:

I would pray more. Frankly, my current interest in prayer really grew after I had been a pastor for several years. My pastoring years would have been different had I spent more time on my knees. I would counsel less. I thought I had to have the answers for my church members, regardless of what their issues were. Now, I would much more quickly refer my members to counselors more trained than I. I would delegate more. I burned out more than once simply because I was involved in everything. I couldn’t fathom things happening without the pastor involved, so I stayed involved. I would spend more time outside my office. I tried my best to do evangelism, but it was easy to get cocooned in the church world. Now, I realize I won’t reach lost people if I don’t know any. I would say “thank you” to my wife more often. I had served as a pastor for ten years before marriage, but Pam changed everything for me. I realize more every day that she is God’s gift to me. I would study more for my sermons. I really began to dig deeply into sermon preparation only after several years of my pastoral ministry. Seminary—particularly, the years of my doctoral work—was huge for me in this arena.  I would seek ways to be more connected to my community. In my last year of full-time pastoral ministry, I also served as a substitute English teacher in our local freshmen school. I would do that again (in addition to other means to get connected) simply so I know what’s going on in my community. I would spend more time with the senior adults in the church. I suppose that might be because I much better understand them now that I’m 63 . . . but I do realize now more than ever how much wisdom there is in that group. I would listen more to members wiser than I. Those folks were typically deacons or other staff members. I look back and see too many times when I missed it as a leader because I didn’t listen.  I would take days off and always take vacations. I seldom did either one, especially when I was single. That was not wise. I would take a mission trip at least once a year. My heart for the nations didn’t develop until years after I stepped away from full-time pastoral ministry. I deeply regret that fact now. I would not allow criticism to distract and discourage me. At times, criticism ate at my soul because I carried the burden rather than give it to God. I pray I would not do that now. 

Veteran pastors, what would you do differently?

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Discipleship Requires Management as Much as Leadership (Why Pastors Can’t Neglect Church Operations)

Pastors manage churches as much, if not more, than leading them. Making disciples requires pastors to be involved in the day-to-day operations of a church.

If you’re not willing to manage a church, you’re not qualified to lead a church. Should pastors be involved in every task? No. However, every pastor should have some involvement in the daily operations of church life. Shepherds—by God’s design—are among the sheep. Why is it tempting, and dangerous, to neglect the task of management?

It’s tempting to neglect operations. Operations take time. Few people see operations in the church. Anyone who has served on staff at a church knows a whole other world occurs on the campus during the work week. Air conditioning units must be serviced. Rooms must be organized. The offering deposits must be made. Does a senior leader need to do these operations? Obviously not. But every senior leader should be knowledgeable of—if not the author of—the system of operations that keeps the church running. Operations make discipleship possible. Just because most of your church will never see the operations does not make them less important.

It’s tempting to neglect tasks. Tasks don’t complain. Tasks don’t need counseling. Undoubtedly, we all have things on our “to-do” list that do not involve people. It’s tempting to neglect tasks because people should be the priority. Some leaders enjoy doing certain tasks. Other leaders enjoy managing others who do the tasks. All tasks are managed, not led. You lead people and manage the tasks. And all church leaders must manage tasks. Why? Without managing tasks, you will ultimately neglect the people.

It’s tempting to neglect supervision. Leadership involves people. You don’t lead inanimate objects. The chair doesn’t listen, but the person in the chair does. Supervision of people is a component of leadership that involves management. How many people on staff can take a vacation during Spring Break? How does your church handle health insurance for the staff? What is the process of accountability with group leaders? These questions involve management and require supervision. It’s tempting to neglect them because the immediate reward for properly executing supervision is small. However, the potential downside of failing to administer this supervision properly is enormous.

It’s tempting to neglect finance. Most churches do not expect pastors to know spreadsheets, cash flow, and budgets. It’s tempting and easy to claim ignorance. I believe it’s one of the most significant management holes in the church today. Even the most senior leader at the most prominent church should know the finances well. If you cannot read a basic budget, you should not be in a senior leadership position in a church. It’s dangerous—and I would also add negligent—to know nothing of the finances. Should questions arise about finances, you will be responsible for answering them. The deer-in-the-headlights-look is typically not well-received.

Neglect management at your peril. Pastoring a church is more than what happens in the pulpit; it also involves executing. Execution does not occur without management. All church leaders must manage. Pastors are shepherds. And shepherds manage sheep.

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Speaking in Tongues, Unmarried Living Together, Women Pastors, and Sermon Length: 15 Facts about Churches You May Not Know (A Church Answers Research Report)

I love local churches. I have been studying and writing about local churches for four decades. 

But even though I have been researching churches for longer than some of you have been alive, I continue to learn about them every day. I will never become a know-it-all about churches. There is so much to learn.

At Church Answers, we have one of the most incredible and active communities of church leaders. Our closest community of nearly 2,000 paid members ask questions or make comments almost every hour of the day. They love the fact that they can ask any question and get a question answered that same day, often within the hour. We are truly their church consultant and coach on their smartphone.

Though we seek to serve church leaders and churches through this community, the members of this community benefit me greatly as well. I get to read and

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Eight Essential Qualities of Pastors Who Love Their Jobs

You can do your job well without loving it. However, for pastors, the calling often goes beyond mere duty. It encompasses a passion for serving and guiding their flocks. What distinguishes pastors who love their jobs from those who do their jobs? It boils down to several essential qualities.

They embrace awkward moments. At my first church, the lone deacon would take a smoke break in the middle of my sermon. (Yes, I preached too long.) Then, there was the time someone brought a pet parrot to church. (No, I didn’t get any amens from the bird.) And I’ll never forget the several demonstrators who gathered with signs to protest our women wearing pants. There are many other awkward moments I can’t put into writing—yet. Pastors who love their jobs genuinely enjoy these moments and laugh at the strangeness of church life.  

They don’t take criticism personally. This one took me a while to learn. I remember many years ago, a member criticized my wife in front of everyone for how she led worship.

“That wasn’t real worship! How terrible!” This member then added a few other choice comments about my wife.

I responded, “There are plenty of other dead churches in this town who would welcome another corpse if you don’t like it here.”

It was not my finest moment. But this instance—and many others—taught me to listen, reflect, and discern whether there’s a lesson to be learned from someone’s criticism. Usually, there is. Pastors who love their jobs learn from criticism without it affecting their personal worth or dedication.

They enjoy listening as much as talking. I’m often happiest when I have a microphone in my hand. Like many church leaders, I relish teaching God’s Word. But pastors who love their jobs also excel in active listening, demonstrating empathy and understanding. You preach better sermons when you find great joy in the story of your people.

They create a culture of levity. Church work is serious. The eternity of souls is at stake! But laughter and light-heartedness build community. At my church, we love practical jokes. A culture of fun helps people feel like they belong. Walk into a room full of serious scowls—how do you feel? Like you belong? It’s much easier to assimilate into a group of people who laugh with you.

They accept uncertainty and have a clear understanding of expectations. The path of ministry is rarely straightforward. Uncertainty is everywhere. While the mission of God will take you to unexpected places, you should set boundaries within your congregation. Pastors who love their jobs can handle the uncertainty of the mission dei because they have certainty of expectations in the relationships with their congregations.

They are self-aware and driven. Self-aware pastors are adaptable and flexible. They not only have confidence in their strengths, but they also proactively seek accountability for their weaknesses. You can be self-aware but not driven. These pastors make for enjoyable company but rarely accomplish much.

Conversely, you can be driven but not self-aware. These pastors reach their goals but often run over people in the process. Pastors who love their jobs manage to balance self-awareness and ambition, and they energize the people around them.

They love discovering new activities and people in their communities. Churches are vehicles to send people into the surrounding neighborhoods. If you don’t love your community, it’s challenging to reach your community. Pastors who love their jobs genuinely enjoy discovering new parts of their mission field. When you dislike where you live, it’s difficult to love what you do in ministry.

They focus on reasonable and attainable mid-term goals. It’s one thing to have a vision for the long-term growth of your church. It’s another thing to make consistent progress every few months. Pastors who love their jobs give more time and energy to mid-term strategy than long-term vision. What is a typical timeframe for these strategies? Six months. You are far more likely to love what you do when you accomplish two major objectives a year.

What tasks do pastors love about their jobs? Preaching is usually at the top of surveys, followed by developing or discipling believers. Most pastors say they are satisfied with being a pastor, but many are split as to whether or not they are satisfied at their current church. Research reveals that many pastors enjoy specific tasks but struggle with satisfaction in their churches. Pastors with these eight qualities are more likely to love their jobs.

What qualities might you add to this list?

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