Rachel Kramer Bussel's Blog, page 58
February 3, 2015
Why I'm over engagements as signs of winning at life
Or, "Why Marriages Cannot Be End Goals (And The Ways We Still Convince Women They Are)", my latest essay at Thought Catalog. Yes, I've been writing a lot lately - another article will probably publish tonight and I'm researching and interviewing away. What's funny is that even though I am not a fan of the marriage industrial complex, I am as sappy and romantic as a person can get.
My Washington Post essay on hoarding and love
I have a new essay up at The Washington Post's Post Everything section called "Old magazines, stuffed animals and sex toys: How hoarding shaped my relationship." I wrote the subtitle, they wrote the title, and I also included the photo below of my old Brooklyn apartment. Here's the thing: when you write personal essays, you need to go all in, in my opinion. Not just for your editor's sake, but for yours. I've struggled with writing about some of the worst of my hoarding, because I'd like to think I'm "past it," but as you'll see in the essay, I'm not. Also, this is one of my biggest bylines, so if you like the essay (or feel anything about it, or just want to support my writing career), I'd love it if you'd share it, either publicly or privately with someone who may get something out of it. Yes, I'm a hoarder, but I firmly believe hoarding doesn't only affect "hoarders," but all of us. It's about what we do with our stuff and how we value it, and even compulsively neat people are impacted by fear of becoming hoarders. Also, it's about love, and I am in love, big time.
The Big Book of Domination blog tour
My sexy fat guy erotica story "Big Bottom" is in the BDSM erotica anthology The Big Book of Domination: Erotic Fantasies by D.L. King, and this post is part of the blog tour (see below for dates). You can read a little of my story right here so in this post I'm going to focus on my friend Kristina Wright's story "Make Mine Rare." Before I do, I'll say you can get the book on Amazon as well as in Kindle ebook form and wherever books are sold (you can always ask your local bookstore to order you a book if they don't have it in stock - plug your zip code into IndieBound to see which independent bookstore near you stocks it).
So what I liked about femdom story "Make Mine Rare," aside from the food aspects (it's about a couple sneaking away from a barbecue for a little sexy fun) is that it's playful. It's BDSM, but it's also loving and lighthearted. Here's a snippet:
January 17: D L King Erotica
January 19: Valerie Alexander
January 21: David Wraith
January 23: Giselle Renarde
January 25: Amanda Earl
January 27: Evan Mora
January 28: Angela Sargenti
January 30: Athena Marie
February 1: Anna Mitcham
February 3: Rachel Kramer Bussel (me!)
February 5: Zoe Amos
February 7: Olivia Summersweet
February 9: Katya Harris
February 11: Alison Winchester
February 12: Malin James
February 14: Laura Antoniou
So what I liked about femdom story "Make Mine Rare," aside from the food aspects (it's about a couple sneaking away from a barbecue for a little sexy fun) is that it's playful. It's BDSM, but it's also loving and lighthearted. Here's a snippet:
"Had enough?"
He hazarded a smile. "Not until you say so."
"Good answer."
"You're a good teacher. And I love you."
"I love you, too, but you're not getting off the hook that easily." I balled up his apron in my hand and tugged him down by the neck. "On your knees. Get me off."
"Oh yes, Ma'am," he said enthusiastically, slipping to his knees on the tile floor.
I spread my legs on the counter, sliding around a bit as my juices slicked up the marble. This was the part I loved best. Inflicting pain gave me a thrill, mostly because I one show hard it made him and how eager he was to make me happy, but being able to get exactly what I want when I wanted it gave me a rush like nothing else. And right now i wanted my pussy eaten well and thoroughly.
January 17: D L King Erotica
January 19: Valerie Alexander
January 21: David Wraith
January 23: Giselle Renarde
January 25: Amanda Earl
January 27: Evan Mora
January 28: Angela Sargenti
January 30: Athena Marie
February 1: Anna Mitcham
February 3: Rachel Kramer Bussel (me!)
February 5: Zoe Amos
February 7: Olivia Summersweet
February 9: Katya Harris
February 11: Alison Winchester
February 12: Malin James
February 14: Laura Antoniou
February 2, 2015
Writers, you will always be your own best advocate
The biggest lesson I've learned since getting laid off in October 2011, and most especially in the last year or so, is that I am always my own best advocate. No editor, publisher, agent or anyone else, no matter how wonderful they may be, will ever be you. That's really the bottom line, and it's in your best interests to always be looking out for your bottom line. Case in point: my male and female nudity column from last week got cut from the print edition of Philadelphia City Paper due to space considerations. It didn't occur to me to ask until it was too late to have them put a line in the paper saying readers could find my column on the website, but I've now done so in the event that happens again.
It's not that I would have gotten paid more for that or that it truly matters in the long-term, but the more readers, the broader my reach, the more my work is being seen and that can potentially lead to future work and more people who are familiar with me. Otherwise someone night have think my column had ended (as they will find out this week, it hasn't). So that's one example. Another is me contacting publications and asking them to credit my OrgasmQuest column and link to it. So far everyone I've asked has said yes, and the reason I do that is both because I know the powers that be care about readership, but even more, because I broke that story. Generally, online, most places will link to the source of a story, as Jezebel and Bustle did, including some of my words along with the basics of what's going on. Again, that isn't necessarily in my job description as a sex columnist, but for me it's important.
I always scour my books' Amazon listings to make sure things like the correct book cover, book description and other identifying information are included, and when they're not, I advocate to get them changed. This isn't so much because I don't think people will by the book if there's one stray mistake, but those listings represent me and my name and brand and I want them to be as accurate as possible. Of course, you have to balance these sorts of things with earning a living. Even though I have Google alerts on my name and variations of it and I do try my best to pay attention to what's going on related to my work, I'm sure I miss plenty of things. That's okay too.
But I fully believe that nobody else will be watching out for you the way you will be, and rather than just sulking that something's wrong, I see part of my job in the broader sense as working to fix those things. To me it's all part of what your goals are for your work as a writer and how you go about building that brand, something we will be discussing more of in my upcoming Erotica 101 and Sex Writing 101 classes (I'm working on getting more online classes in the mix after March!), because I think they are part of what help you further your career goals. I learned a ton about how to promote myself over the course of promoting readings, starting with the very first one I organized, a Best Lesbian Erotica 2001 reading at Bluestockings, through the five years of In The Flesh Reading Series in New York and now through assorted writing workshops and readings. All of that is information I use pretty much every day to make sure that I'm doing myself justice, that the pieces I spend time on are read by as many people as possible. That's how I think of it, and reading The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul by Danielle LaPorte has helped me get clear on why I do what I do and what my mission is with it. I have emails drafted to people I respect about a story that will run tonight that I think is an important one, not because I wrote it, but because the whole reason I did is that I think it's an important feminist sexuality issue that we should be paying attention to. LaPorte has helped me understand that in advocating for myself, I'm also advocating for what I'm putting out into the world. If I wasn't proud of that, all this would be pointless.
It's not that I would have gotten paid more for that or that it truly matters in the long-term, but the more readers, the broader my reach, the more my work is being seen and that can potentially lead to future work and more people who are familiar with me. Otherwise someone night have think my column had ended (as they will find out this week, it hasn't). So that's one example. Another is me contacting publications and asking them to credit my OrgasmQuest column and link to it. So far everyone I've asked has said yes, and the reason I do that is both because I know the powers that be care about readership, but even more, because I broke that story. Generally, online, most places will link to the source of a story, as Jezebel and Bustle did, including some of my words along with the basics of what's going on. Again, that isn't necessarily in my job description as a sex columnist, but for me it's important.
I always scour my books' Amazon listings to make sure things like the correct book cover, book description and other identifying information are included, and when they're not, I advocate to get them changed. This isn't so much because I don't think people will by the book if there's one stray mistake, but those listings represent me and my name and brand and I want them to be as accurate as possible. Of course, you have to balance these sorts of things with earning a living. Even though I have Google alerts on my name and variations of it and I do try my best to pay attention to what's going on related to my work, I'm sure I miss plenty of things. That's okay too.
But I fully believe that nobody else will be watching out for you the way you will be, and rather than just sulking that something's wrong, I see part of my job in the broader sense as working to fix those things. To me it's all part of what your goals are for your work as a writer and how you go about building that brand, something we will be discussing more of in my upcoming Erotica 101 and Sex Writing 101 classes (I'm working on getting more online classes in the mix after March!), because I think they are part of what help you further your career goals. I learned a ton about how to promote myself over the course of promoting readings, starting with the very first one I organized, a Best Lesbian Erotica 2001 reading at Bluestockings, through the five years of In The Flesh Reading Series in New York and now through assorted writing workshops and readings. All of that is information I use pretty much every day to make sure that I'm doing myself justice, that the pieces I spend time on are read by as many people as possible. That's how I think of it, and reading The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul by Danielle LaPorte has helped me get clear on why I do what I do and what my mission is with it. I have emails drafted to people I respect about a story that will run tonight that I think is an important one, not because I wrote it, but because the whole reason I did is that I think it's an important feminist sexuality issue that we should be paying attention to. LaPorte has helped me understand that in advocating for myself, I'm also advocating for what I'm putting out into the world. If I wasn't proud of that, all this would be pointless.
I want your sex (pitches)!
As you may have noticed, I write a lot about sex, and will be doing so quite often this year. For my Philadelphia City Paper sex column, I opine on a new topic every week in print and online. Those have ranged from how to talk dirty, the state of British porn censorship, the joy of blow jobs and the now internationally famous depression fighting OrgasmQuest. I'm DAME every other Wednesday, covering topics (so far) such as female bisexuality and cunnilingus. Not that DAME is a website geared towards women so topics I'm writing about there will have that focus, but Philadelphia City Paper and other venues can be relevant to anyone (and hopefully my DAME columns are also relevant to people who aren't women). I'd love to cover some more Philadelphia-specific topics but also want to continue to explore stories like OrgasmQuest that resonate on a much wider level (that has now been covered on major sites like Jezebel and Refinery29 as well as Dr. Drew's HLN show and media in the UK).
my latest Philadelphia City Paper column on female and male nudity
For the next little while I'm also writing for Salon, with lots of timely news stories, such as should erotica include condoms and other safe sex practices. How do I find story ideas? Reading, seeking, scouring online and offline. Often my topics are pegged to news stories or new books, but sometimes come from someone posting something on Facebook that intrigues me, or someone else emailing me and saying "this would make a good story."
So I am turning to you; I've got lots of column and article topics in the works, but I'm only one person with one brain and one set of eyeballs, so I can't be everywhere at once or be aware of every fetish or sex story around. The kinds that I especially want to cover are ones like OrgasmQuest, or one running tonight at Salon, that are about social justice issues, feminism, and improving people's sex lives, though really I'm open to just about anything. In the 15 years I've been writing about sex, in fiction and nonfiction, the biggest thing I've learned is that I always have more to learn. So if you have a story idea, whether stemming from your life, something you've read or seen, or just something you've been thinking about or want to know more about, feel free to drop me a line at rachelkb at gmail.com with "Pitch" in the subject line. The more information you can give me the better. Sure, the subject could just say "hair pulling," and that is actually something I want to write about, but the more detail the better so I can figure out the best angle and venue for it.
Last but not least, THANK YOU for reading! I'm as aware as anyone that any of these opportunities could vanish tomorrow, so I want to take advantage of them while the iron is hot. I'm incredibly honored that these editors have put their faith in me and hope to to my best to give their readers thought-provoking stories.
my latest Philadelphia City Paper column on female and male nudity
For the next little while I'm also writing for Salon, with lots of timely news stories, such as should erotica include condoms and other safe sex practices. How do I find story ideas? Reading, seeking, scouring online and offline. Often my topics are pegged to news stories or new books, but sometimes come from someone posting something on Facebook that intrigues me, or someone else emailing me and saying "this would make a good story."
So I am turning to you; I've got lots of column and article topics in the works, but I'm only one person with one brain and one set of eyeballs, so I can't be everywhere at once or be aware of every fetish or sex story around. The kinds that I especially want to cover are ones like OrgasmQuest, or one running tonight at Salon, that are about social justice issues, feminism, and improving people's sex lives, though really I'm open to just about anything. In the 15 years I've been writing about sex, in fiction and nonfiction, the biggest thing I've learned is that I always have more to learn. So if you have a story idea, whether stemming from your life, something you've read or seen, or just something you've been thinking about or want to know more about, feel free to drop me a line at rachelkb at gmail.com with "Pitch" in the subject line. The more information you can give me the better. Sure, the subject could just say "hair pulling," and that is actually something I want to write about, but the more detail the better so I can figure out the best angle and venue for it.
Last but not least, THANK YOU for reading! I'm as aware as anyone that any of these opportunities could vanish tomorrow, so I want to take advantage of them while the iron is hot. I'm incredibly honored that these editors have put their faith in me and hope to to my best to give their readers thought-provoking stories.
February 1, 2015
Should erotica writers include safer sex in their fiction?
That's the question I pose at Salon, where their subtitle is "Erotica authors don't degree on safe sex demands. I answer by way of opinions from blogger Reading with Analysis, Angie Lynch of review site Shameless Book Club, as well as erotica and erotic romance authors KD Grace, Tamsin Flowers, Tiffany Reisz, Lucy Felthouse, Nicola James, Remittance Girl and Solace Ames. Thank you to everyone who responded to me for this article, those I could include and those I couldn't, and as always, feel free to pitch me on article and column topics at rachelkb at gmail.com - I've got lots more on the way this month!
January 30, 2015
Feminism, BDSM and submission at Elle.com
I profiled a woman who is nothing like Anastasia Steele for "What It's Really Like to Be a Submissive and a Feminist" at Elle.com. Please check it out and if you like it, feel free to share it on your social media accounts. I like that they asked me to do an as told to because so many pieces about submission in the wake of Fifty Shades of Grey have drawn giant, sweeping, problematic conclusions about submissive women. This is one woman's story (and of course, she said a lot of other amazing stuff but I couldn't include it all, but still, I thought what she had to say was fascinating).
Naked ladies and oral sex and liking Blizzard Juno Jersey as much as Curaçao
Those are the topics of my sex columns this week: I wrote about naked women and men and Caitlin Stasey's new site Herself.com for Philadelphia City Paper and about attitudes around cunnilingus now that it's having its pop culture moment for DAME. As always, I'm open to new column topic suggestions at rachelkb at gmail.com and if you like the columns, please click "like" at the top and/or otherwise pass it on. It helps enormously to show my editors that people want to read me on sex.
I will go out on a limb and say that unless I discover some giant sex scandal, my OrgasmQuest column will be the most popular one at City Paper for the rest of my tenure, which I think is awesome, but I also want the others to be read too, because who knows how long this ride will last? Especially because this week I was told that my column is online only because space was limited and it was either the crossword puzzle or the sex column on the chopping block. Trust me, I'd have made the same decision, because I love puzzles, but it was a little reminder to me that none of this is permanent, so thank you so much for reading, and please do pitch me! I want to feature more people, topics and sex acts/fetishes/interests that are under the radar and deserve attention, especially if there's an element, as with the OrgasmQuest, that will help other people.
Blogging has been light because with Blizzard Juno I got a bunch of new assignments which has been wonderful but made me a busier freelancer than I've ever been. So a deluge of sex articles are coming from me as I count down for the release of , which you can follow @bestbondage on Twitter and read a free excerpt from the crazy hot nude bondage story "The Centerpiece" by Erin Spillane here. You would hardly think that a week ago I was in Curaçao for a much-needed vacation, where it looked like this:
Being away, and being able to afford to be away for a few days, felt amazing, but it's actually a little more complicated than that, and when this crazy deadline week is over, I will write about that awkwardness and the pressures and guilt of full-time freelancing for me in more depth. The funny thing is that I'm even happier, in my own way, this week in snowy New Jersey than I was on an 85-degree beach, just in a different way. I will be writing more soon about how I balance my life and time (and how I don't!), because there are some important conversations about money and writing going on, but will just end here saying that its' 6:12 a.m. and I'm already raring to go and wrapping up some pieces so I can get started on the new ones, and all I am is grateful. Last January I had no idea how I would continue to make a living. Now, at least at this very moment, I have enough work so I know that, much as I love putting my little erotica books out into the world and want them to do well, I'm not relying on them to succeed. I can feel the world cracking open for me, and all I am trying to do is be open and grateful and ready for whatever comes next. Another cool thing this week? I was quoted in The New York Times about This., a new social networking site where you can share one link per day. Right now it's invite only and I gave away all my invites, but you can sign up to be notified when they'll have more (you can also sign up with them to be added when they open it up). The place I update the most, probably because it's best suited to my ADD nature, is Twitter. I'm @raquelita.
I will go out on a limb and say that unless I discover some giant sex scandal, my OrgasmQuest column will be the most popular one at City Paper for the rest of my tenure, which I think is awesome, but I also want the others to be read too, because who knows how long this ride will last? Especially because this week I was told that my column is online only because space was limited and it was either the crossword puzzle or the sex column on the chopping block. Trust me, I'd have made the same decision, because I love puzzles, but it was a little reminder to me that none of this is permanent, so thank you so much for reading, and please do pitch me! I want to feature more people, topics and sex acts/fetishes/interests that are under the radar and deserve attention, especially if there's an element, as with the OrgasmQuest, that will help other people.
Blogging has been light because with Blizzard Juno I got a bunch of new assignments which has been wonderful but made me a busier freelancer than I've ever been. So a deluge of sex articles are coming from me as I count down for the release of , which you can follow @bestbondage on Twitter and read a free excerpt from the crazy hot nude bondage story "The Centerpiece" by Erin Spillane here. You would hardly think that a week ago I was in Curaçao for a much-needed vacation, where it looked like this:
Being away, and being able to afford to be away for a few days, felt amazing, but it's actually a little more complicated than that, and when this crazy deadline week is over, I will write about that awkwardness and the pressures and guilt of full-time freelancing for me in more depth. The funny thing is that I'm even happier, in my own way, this week in snowy New Jersey than I was on an 85-degree beach, just in a different way. I will be writing more soon about how I balance my life and time (and how I don't!), because there are some important conversations about money and writing going on, but will just end here saying that its' 6:12 a.m. and I'm already raring to go and wrapping up some pieces so I can get started on the new ones, and all I am is grateful. Last January I had no idea how I would continue to make a living. Now, at least at this very moment, I have enough work so I know that, much as I love putting my little erotica books out into the world and want them to do well, I'm not relying on them to succeed. I can feel the world cracking open for me, and all I am trying to do is be open and grateful and ready for whatever comes next. Another cool thing this week? I was quoted in The New York Times about This., a new social networking site where you can share one link per day. Right now it's invite only and I gave away all my invites, but you can sign up to be notified when they'll have more (you can also sign up with them to be added when they open it up). The place I update the most, probably because it's best suited to my ADD nature, is Twitter. I'm @raquelita.
January 29, 2015
A lesbian Secretary of State, a "Kitchen Slut" and more in the Hungry for More audiobook
As I've said before, the subtitle of my anthology
Hungry for More: Romantic Fantasies for Women
doesn't, in my opinion, do it justice. That was out of my hands, but what is in my hands, as much as these things can be, is the power to use my blog and other means to let you know just how filthy hot dirty sexy these fantasy erotica stories are. Some do veer toward the romantic, but when I was selecting stories, the ones I chose were the ones that spoke to the most outrageous fantasies, that went above and beyond in terms of going for it, society be damned. Which is why there's a lesbian sex Secretary of State story in "Madam Secretary" by Jaye Markham and all sorts of kitchen supplies in "Kitchen Slut" by Olivia Archer. There's male/male sex and female voyeurism in "Bringing The Heart" by Tiffany Reisz, which you can read a free excerpt from on her site, (not to mention, of course, baseball!). There's anonymous sex in "Craig's List" by Greta Christina. There's one of the edgiest, taboo-busting stories I've ever published in "Jailbait Torch Song" by Valerie Alexander, which in its way is one of the most romantic erotica stories I've read. There's food play in "Organically Grown" by Brandy Fox. There's bukkake in my "A First Time for Everything." And so much more. I wanted these to be stories that would tap into readers' minds and let them in turn acknowledge the kinds of fantasies that can make us shiver, whether in arousal or fear, we're not quite sure. I wanted these stories to go there, and stay there, to not shy away for one second from the often intense, button-pushing fantasies.
And now, the print edition and ebook are joined by the audiobook, which is available for sale at Audible. You can listen to a free sample of "Submissive" by Jacqueline Applebee, the opening story. There's more of it at Audible, but here's a sneak peek at this BDSM fantasy story:
Amazon
And now, the print edition and ebook are joined by the audiobook, which is available for sale at Audible. You can listen to a free sample of "Submissive" by Jacqueline Applebee, the opening story. There's more of it at Audible, but here's a sneak peek at this BDSM fantasy story:
SubmissiveRead the entire story (or listen to it) in Hungry for More, available for sale at:
by Jacqueline Applebee
I could tell you how Monty did me wrong. I could paint myself all shades of sorrowful. But that isn’t in my nature, not one bit. I’m thankful for everything that happened.
I was born to serve others. I skipped a lot of school, stayed at home to help out when Ma got sick. I raised my sister’s two kids when she up and ran away. Family’s important to me, it don’t matter what they did. I guess I’m a traditional gal when all’s said and done. Either that or I’m a dumb fuck.
Kinky sex was a whole new bag for me. I found a stray book in one of the bins at work. It was a trashy romance where the heroine got hog-tied and screwed six ways to Sunday by a glamorous Count. She was in her element when she was being used. But in the end, she was the one who ran the show, no matter what Count what’s-his-name thought.
When I read that book, I could almost feel a light going off in my head. I wanted some of that. I wanted to be a submissive.
Amazon
IndieBound (find your local independent bookstore)
January 27, 2015
The Sex Writing Career Advice I Learned from Amanda Palmer's book The Art of Asking
Remember my OrgasmQuest column, aka, my most-read column for Philadelphia City Paper? What I thought was my little alt weekly column has since blown up all over the internet, with this appearance by Crista Anne on Dr. Drew's show capping it off last week (this is a snippet of a longer segment):
And, today, her own It Happened To Me essay at xoJane.
At Thought Catalog, I wrote about my new approach to shameless self promotion and how it helped kick off the column going viral, why I consider it now a vital part of my sex columnist and freelance writing job, and how The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer helped guide me.
And, today, her own It Happened To Me essay at xoJane.
At Thought Catalog, I wrote about my new approach to shameless self promotion and how it helped kick off the column going viral, why I consider it now a vital part of my sex columnist and freelance writing job, and how The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer helped guide me.
