Rachel Kramer Bussel's Blog, page 57

My State College erotica writing workshop postponed

Due to the weather forecast, I've postponed my State College erotica writing workshop that was supposed to happen Monday, February 9th. As soon as they new date is finalized, I will be sharing it and registration will be re-opened. My apologies for any inconvenience this has caused, but I wanted to ensure my safety and that of attendees.

A week in the life of a full-time writer

Since getting laid off in the fall of 2011 from my full-time magazine editing job, I've called myself a full-time writer and editor. Technically, that has been true, and in the last two years I've added a lot more teaching and consulting to that equation. But this past week, I've realized how not quite accurate that was, because that definition of "full-time" had a lot of give and take, a lot more lee-way. You don't have that when you're on tap to file, file, file. Maybe that's obvious to anyone who's had a newspaper job or a more strenuous freelance career. The truth is, I got lazy. My books were doing okay, so I was able to coast. Then, last year, that abruptly ended and I've got zero tricks left to try to get my books back into some semblance of popularity. I still have hope, which is why I do things like give away free books to Thunderclap supporters. It's more a matter of my time; I have to use it as wisely as possible, and book promotion has fallen by the wayside in favor of earning a living. Ultimately, the lesson that I may love my books, but the world may not, was a good thing because it showed me I cannot rely on something so precarious if I want to support myself and, hopefully, a child. That would be utterly foolish and I don't want to make the same mistake twice.

So when I got offered new work out of the blue, of course I took it (I don't say yes to everything, but I do my best to pursue writing opportunities that will help my bank account and my career). Hence, this week, I've gotten up before six every day and been going-going-going what feels like the entire day, with a little time with my boyfriend, and then back at it. It's an honor to have editors believe in my work enough to ask me to not only write for them, but trust that my story ideas are worthy. Writing for Salon, in this case, is something I dreamed of for a decade before it finally happened.

So I am in no way complaining, just noting that this week was a handful. It's meant constantly being on my laptop so that I can reply to the latest round of edits on an essay, scouring the internet for something noteworthy to cover, interviewing authors, planning upcoming sex columns, promoting the ones that went up. It's been wonderful, but definitely not a pace I could keep up forever, even though I definitely need the money. As I try to be a responsible adult in middle age, for the first time in my life, I'm trying to truly live by the Serenity Prayer and abandon the aspects of my career I have no control over and focus on the ones I do. This is also part of flexibility: recognizing what's not working and choosing to move into new arenas, rather than literally doing the same thing over and over again. It's a challenge, and one I don't always live up to, but I'm trying, and I'm writing this post mostly to highlight, for me, that I can do it, even when it seems hard or impossible. That even though being this kind of full-time around-the-clock writer can feel daunting, I have work I can truly be proud of to show for it and it can be about topics as varied as I am. And who knows? Maybe someday I won't be doing all of this from home, and I'll get to work at a cool office where the fast pace will be fun and I'll have colleagues to bounce ideas off of. Part of me would absolutely love that; I miss co-workers, and think I'd enjoy the fast pace of that kind of writing or editing job. I don't mind fast-paced, but I think the other side of loving what you do is being able to have a little time away from it too, hopefully.

While writing this post, I took a Facebook break and found this piece in The New York Times on "Why You Hate Work" by Tony Schwartz and Christine Porath. From that article: "The more hours people work beyond 40 — and the more continuously they work — the worse they feel, and the less engaged they become." I get that, intensely. I want to make it clear, I don't hate my work, I just don't want to get burned out and then give up and then not hold up my share of my household duties. That is my biggest fear, which is different than when I lived alone. Then, I was the only one to answer to. Now, there's an added layer of shame when I have to borrow money for rent because I didn't save enough, or a check was later than expected, or whatever the issue du jour.

I'm wrapping up next week's articles and columns and then putting on a different hat: LitReactor writing teacher. I can't wait to dive in with my 16 students and see what they come up with, and I am also hoping to book upcoming online classes as well.

I didn't write all of these this week, but this is what I've published from Saturday to Friday. Thank you for believing in me, editors, and thank you for reading. Yes, there's lots more next week. I look forward to more, just at a slightly less crazy pace. On the off chance you're an editor reading this and you like my writing, please don't let my pre-coffee 8:35 on a Saturday morning tone discourage you; I'm available for work, starting now. Okay, after my coffee.

"Do condoms kill the mood of a book? Erotica authors don't agree on safe sex demands" for Salon

"Why Marriages Cannot Be End Goals (And The Ways We Still Convince Women They Are)" for Thought Catalog

"Old magazines, stuffed animals, and sex toys: How hoarding shaped my relationship " for Washington Post Post Everything

"Fresh Meat: Fry Another Day by J.J. Cook" for Criminal Element

"Sex shop crimes: How vandals, creeps and violence threaten our neighborhood vibrator peddlers" for Salon

"The Huffington Post's 'good news' experiment is bad news for Facebook" for The Daily Dot

"Meet a sexier, smarter Dom than Christian Grey" for Philadelphia City Paper

"Christian sex activists warn against the “dangers of mommy porn” and “50 Shades of Grey”" for Salon

"The anti-Pick Up Artist’s Guide: A new graphic novel teaches teen boys how to form healthy hook-ups" for Salon

At Salon: Q&A with creator of sex ed graphic novel for teen boys

My latest for Salon profiles Colin Adamo, his sex education for teen boys website HUSH and the graphic novel he's funding via Kickstarter, which I called "the opposite of a pickup artist guide."

Here's a snippet:

Young straight men are usually involved in one way or another in matters of unplanned pregnancy, STI transmission, sexual assault, dating violence, or homophobic/transphobic bullying. While there were a number of resources that I could point to that were specific to young straight women or queer youth, I hadn’t seen anything that was built for straight guys. If no one is speaking to young straight men directly about these issues it is too easy for them to ignore the importance of their role in the movement.

Read the whole interview at Salon

6 times I wrote about Fifty Shades of Grey

With the entire entertainment world focused on the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey film (and confirmation that two more are in the works), I thought now would be a good time to look at what I've written about the phenomenon. I don't think I'm forgetting any but will update if I remember something else I've done on it. I've also been quoted more times than I've covered the topic. I haven't bought a ticket yet, and may still be able to find my way into a screening next week in New York, though I kind of want to see it amongst my people, that is, suburban New Jersey couples on Valentine's Day weekend dates. These are in chronological order, starting with the Long Island E.L. James luncheon that was my first piece for The New York Observer.

"E.L. James and Fifty Shades of Grey Come to the Suburbs: Long Island Ladies-Who-Lunch Lap Up Lusty Lit" for The New York Observer

"The “Fifty Shades” Parody Cookbook Is Actually Good" for Buzzfeed

"‘50 Shades of Grey’ Is the Subject of a Course at American University" for The Daily Beast

"How Rabid ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Fans Are Using Twitter to Fulfill Their Fantasies" for Nerve

"I tried the Fifty Shades of Grey app — it definitely didn't make me horny" for SheKnows

"Meet a sexier, smarter Dom than Christian Grey" for Philadelphia City Paper

The anti-Fifty Shades of Grey #TradeYourShades campaign by authors of Pulling Back the Shades

My latest at Salon: Christian sex activists warn against the “dangers of mommy porn” and “50 Shades of Grey” about the campaign where you can trade your copy of Fifty Shades of Grey for authors Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery's book Pulling Back the Shades. Yes, they do advise putting down Cosmo in favor of the Bible, and I interviewed Slattery and highlight key points from the book.

Postponed: Learn how to write erotica this Monday, February 9th at my writing workshop in State College, PA

Update: postponed due to bad weather conditions. Will announce new date ASAP!
Weather permitting, I will be in State College, Pennsylvania on Monday, February 9th teaching my Erotica 101 writing workshop from 7-9 pm at Hotel State College, 100 W. College Avenue. I've never been to State College and am looking forward to teaching this workshop! It's $20/person and you can register in advance via Eventbrite and walk-ins are welcome - I'd say get there by 6:45 p.m. at the latest to register. Bring pen and paper or a laptop. Here's what Onward State had to say:

Kramer Bussel will host an erotic writing workshop on Monday, Feb. 9 at Hotel State College, where for just $20 you can spend a couple hours learning about crafting your wildest fantasies into books for all to enjoy.

The event will take you through all the necessary steps to transform your “outlandish fantasies” into a literary chef d’oeuvre, “from getting started, finding your voice, and incorporating your surroundings, pop culture, and personal experiences into your stories to crafting a range of characters and settings and submitting your work.”

Learn how to write erotica this Monday, February 9th at my writing workshop in State College, PA

Weather permitting, I will be in State College, Pennsylvania on Monday, February 9th teaching my Erotica 101 writing workshop from 7-9 pm at Hotel State College, 100 W. College Avenue. I've never been to State College and am looking forward to teaching this workshop! It's $20/person and you can register in advance via Eventbrite and walk-ins are welcome - I'd say get there by 6:45 p.m. at the latest to register. Bring pen and paper or a laptop. Here's what Onward State had to say:

Kramer Bussel will host an erotic writing workshop on Monday, Feb. 9 at Hotel State College, where for just $20 you can spend a couple hours learning about crafting your wildest fantasies into books for all to enjoy.

The event will take you through all the necessary steps to transform your “outlandish fantasies” into a literary chef d’oeuvre, “from getting started, finding your voice, and incorporating your surroundings, pop culture, and personal experiences into your stories to crafting a range of characters and settings and submitting your work.”

Why being flexible is one of the most important things a writer can do

I fully believe flexibility is one of the most important traits a writer of fiction or nonfiction can have. Yes, you love your words, and yes, you have your goals and ambitions for them, but unless you run your own magazine or website or publishing house, there will be times you have to compromise or, as is often the case for me, not so much compromise but let an editor guide you into making your piece better and/or more in line with what the publication wants.

This week, I got my first byline in The Washington Post with my essay "Old magazines, stuffed animals, and sex toys: How hoarding shaped my relationship" in their Post Everything section, which was Post Everything's most read story on Tuesday and Wednesday. Here's the thing: my original draft looked nothing like what got published. Neither did my second. The title and focus were on completely different aspects of hoarding, and while my editor was interested in the topic, those earlier versions didn't quite work for what they were going for.

So I went back to the drawing board. I offered a few possibilities for what angle might work and when we decided on relationships I went for it. My first working title was "How My Hoarding Is Threatening My Relationship" followed by "Do I Love My Stuff More Than My Boyfriend?" Then that got finessed into what you see above. If I hadn't been flexible about that, or had thrown a fit over the title that ultimately went with the piece, which I saw for the first time when it went live Tuesday morning, I would have been persona non grata there. But as a writer, I want my work to be read by as many people as possible, not because I'll get paid more, but because that's the whole reason I'm putting such personal information out there in the first place. If this version, with this title, along with the photo of my hoarding that was requested, will make the essay a better fit for their audience, I'm all for it.



Guess what? It worked. My essay was the most read piece on Post Everything on both Tuesday and Wednesday. Yes, that matters to my editor and, on a personal level, to me. It means I did my job well (I'm not saying if a piece performs poorly traffic wise, or, as I certainly know well, a book doesn't sell, that the author/editor didn't do their job well though, because there are so many factors going into it), it means the combination of words and photo and placement and social media and whatever else makes someone want to read about the life of a hoarder succeeded. And this may not be true for everyone, but when I have one writing win, it makes me excited to work on the next one (sadly, the opposite happens too, and my poor boyfriend has to live with my hoarding and my moping when I get writing rejections).

For the record, I pitched a different piece about hoarding to another publication I'd love to break into, and it got rejected, but kindly so. Since there seemed to be interest in the topic, and it's one I know not tons of people are writing about from a first-person perspective, I tried Post Everything. I was flexible about who I wrote for, what I wrote, what images went with it and how the piece was positioned, because I see this one small essay as part of my larger career as a writer. I especially love when I get to write about topics that are not sex, because I do so much of that already. I love writing about sex, and have been honored recently by some of the topics I've gotten to cover and the things people have shared with me, especially ones that I feel can make a difference, such as the sex toy store crime article, but I also rebel hard against being stereotyped as a single-issue writer. That is not my goal and it's freeing and exciting to be recognized in another arena, even if "sex toys" are in the title. So thank you for reading this piece, and I hope this inspires you to dust off a rejected piece and get it out the door.

Not coincidentally, this week I finally sent out rejection emails for my spring Cleis Press anthology Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica . I procrastinated on it because I despise it, and am always considering quitting erotica anthology editing because it is not fun and kind of makes me feel like an awful person when I have to do it, even though the numbers will tell you that 100+ submissions of at least 1,500 words each cannot fit into a 65,000 word book. Because this book took me a longer time than usual to finalize, I found that many authors had already sold their rejected pieces to other publications. This made me feel so much better about the difficult task I was faced with, and reinforced my intuition that a rejection is just one publication's reaction (which, as an editor, I can tell you happens for so many reasons beyond an author's control), and that another may be ready to snap up your story/essay/article/etc. Here's the cover of Come Again, which I'm 99% sure will be on sale at CatalystCon at the end of March and in stores close to then too - stay tuned for readings and events, and click on the cover or title above for my introduction and the table of contents!

Fifty Shades of Grey fans and haters, here's a smarter and sexier Dom than Christian Grey

The subject of this week's Philadelphia City Paper sex column, "Meet a sexier, smarter Dom than Christian Grey," is Ernest Greene and his novel Master of O, a 700-page "must-read." Why? Here's a snippet:

Because rather than BDSM being used as an angst-ridden plot device where a troubling reason is given for a character's interest in punishment and power play, Greene's characters are unapologetically kinky. At one point, while being caned, Greene writes of O, the submissive heroine, "This was quality pain. She'd had little enough of it to know how rare it was."

The idea that erotic pain can even be measured is an audacious one in a society still sorting out what we think of kinky people. Only in 2013 did the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders downgrade BDSM from a mental disorder. Greene considers kink a sexual orientation similar to being gay.

Read the whole thing here.


photo by Steve Diet Goedde

My Salon article on vandalism and harassment at feminist sex toy stores

Yes, it so happens that three pieces of mine came out today (all written last week), and I'm proud of them all but this one at Salon I think is the most important: "Sex shop crimes: How vandals, creeps and violence threaten our neighborhood vibrator peddlers." Thanks to staff at Self Serve, Good Vibrations, Good for Her, Sugar, Babeland, Pure Pleasure and Secret Pleasures and everyone else I contacted but couldn't include for letting me know what's up at your stores. And thanks for reading! If you buy sex toys and/or care about those who buy and sell them, I'd love it if you'd pass this one on.