JohnA Passaro's Blog, page 17
February 6, 2020
You Can Only Hope
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The Dog Days of wrestling are upon us.
You can only hope your opponent never used one practice during the season to get better.
You can only hope your rival opponent sold their souls to the weight cutting gods and have made practice only about losing weight and are now three months deep into a grueling weight cutting cycle of diminishing returns.
You can only hope after completing their weight cutting yo-yoing cycle for three months, your opponent crawls into the month of February, the post-season, with a depleted and unprotected immune system.
You can only hope they wonder why they just can’t get rid of that cough.
You can only hope they arrive 10+ pounds overweight to their first post-season practice on Monday.
You can only hope they put on six layers of clothing which makes wrestling nearly impossible.
You can only hope when their first post-season Monday practice is over, they arrive home, only to head right out to their second practice of the day, this one at their wrestling club; just to do the same thing.
Make practice all about losing weight.
You can only hope that on Tuesday, after depriving their thirsty bodies of water, they are ‘only’ 5 pounds over after practice.
You can only hope on Wednesday that they practice the same way as they did on Monday.
You can only hope their thirst rises while everyone else is on a water break.
You can only hope they leave Fridays practice 2 1/2 over because they didn’t have enough energy to keep their sweat going consistently during practice.
You can only hope when they get home they need to go for a run delusionally planning on losing 2 1/2 lbs.
You can only hope that during their “run” is at a snails pace and they only lose 1 pound, still leaving them 1 1/2 over.
You can only hope they mistakingly attempt to float that 1 1/2 pounds overnight.
You can only hope that their attempt falls short due to their lack of water intake throughout the week.
You can only hope that every one of their waking moments is consumed thinking about water.
You can only hope they can’t sleep, and they toss and turn all night.
You can only hope that as they lay there thinking they are #1, they realize they haven’t gone #2 in more than a week.
You can only hope their mouth is as dry as a cotton ball.
You can only hope their parents hear the sound of running water coming from the bathroom faucet in the middle of the night.
You can only hope their parents are thinking to themselves “don’t swallow…”
You can only hope that when their parents don’t hear a gargle or a spit that they confront them in the hallways on the way back to their room and they argue about cutting weight.
You can only hope there is a divide in your opponent’s support system.
You can only hope their mother is yelling, “This has to stop,” as their father barks at them that “You do this every time. When are you going to learn?”
You can only hope after a night of zero sleep that they ‘wake up’ and find themselves still 1 pound over.
You can only hope they get to the other school just to realize the other team’s scale is 1/2-pound heavy.
You can only hope there is a line at weigh-ins and they find out that they are now 1 1/2 pounds over with only :45 minutes until the close of postseason weigh-ins.
You can only hope they feel the pressure of having to drop weight in a short length of time or their post-season is over before it began.
You can only hope that your opponent checks their weight five times in ten minutes, each time becoming more frustrated than the last time he checked.
You can only hope they ‘find a way’ to make the weight right at the bell.
You can only hope they wrestle their first two matches on Saturday, drained looking like crap, barely beating inferior opponents.
You can only hope they make an excuse that they weren’t feeling well.
While you….
Enjoy the benefits of having eaten the same amount at each meal for the last three months, regardless of whether it was the night before a weigh-in, or immediately after.
While you ate for energy, built strength and recovered your body properly.
While you replenished your water loss during and after every practice.
Everyday.
While you showed up for practice in a pair of shorts and a tee-shirt.
While you focused on three things each practice; timing, technique, and becoming the best wrestler you can become.
While you are peaking for the postseason.
Your opponent can only hope that you didn’t have the discipline to live in such a way.
But you did.
You can only hope to meet that weight cutting opponent with it all on the line…
JohnA Passaro
Wrestling Writing
February 5, 2020
We Learn From Failure Not From Success
We Learn from Failure – Not from success.
Failure doesn’t mean that I failed,
It just means that I haven’t succeeded just yet.
Failure doesn’t mean that I have accomplished nothing, it does mean that I have learned something.
Failure doesn’t mean I was a fool to try,
It means I was brave to envision.
Failure doesn’t mean that I have failed,
It does mean that it will take me longer.
Failure doesn’t mean that I am finished,
It does mean that I have another chance to start over.
Failure doesn’t mean that the Universe abandoned me,
it does mean that it has a better idea for me.
I will beat failure with Family, Friends, Faith, Freedom, Focus and Follow Through.
And in the end, I know I will say – “Thank you – failure.”
You made me successful.
————
JohnA Passaro
Wrestling Writing
February 3, 2020
When You Know
When asked when he knew there was a presence of a higher power
Kobe Bryant’s response was,
Until you have to pick up that cross
That you can’t carry and
He picks it up for you,
And carries you and the cross,
Then you know.
That’s when I “knew” also.
February 2, 2020
Natures Magnetic Pull
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Beauty is natures operating instructions.
Nature slows you down
To appreciate the moment
By connecting what is the deeper part of your soul.
Louis Schwartzberg
There is a natural phenomenon that takes place twice a year in New York City called the “Manhattanhenge”, a phrase coined by the great scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson.
“The Manhattanhenge” is the combination of forces of man and nature, which produces a momentary sight so spectacular that one has to stop everything, and in sheer amazement, marvel at its awesome beauty.
It is when the man-made city buildings are perfectly symmetrical on both sides of nature’s gorgeous sun as it sets in such a perfect position down the center of a New York City street.
People from many miles away come to view this magnificent sight.
It lasts for just a few seconds.
For those few seconds, it seems like man and the universe are in perfect harmony.
Witnesses to this event feel like they are connected majestically to the voice and powers of the universe.
They feel as if everything in the world is exactly where it should be – that the universe is in perfect balance and in symmetry.
That the pieces all fit together.
That there really is a universal plan, a plan that goes unnoticed but for a few seconds, twice a year.
After viewing the Manhattanhenge, it is only natural for people to then take the time and reflect on their own life and its majesty.
I believe it is during reflection, after witnessing nature’s beauty, that we get the operating instructions of life.
Louis Schwartzberg said:
“Nature slows you down to appreciate the moment by connecting what is the deeper part of your soul.
You appreciate the little things in life.
It cultivates gratitude.
It cultivates compassion. “
For some time now I have had a date set with my youngest daughter Cassidy to go view this year’s Manhattanhenge.
The day came and went.
We did not go.
Something in her life suddenly came up.
More resistance.
There are so many things that I want to do in life, and I don’t.
There are so many places I want to go in life, and I haven’t.
There are so many things I want to say to people who are hurting – and I remain silent.
I have allowed the resistance of every day life to get in my way.
I have had enough tragedy in my life to understand the importance of doing, seeing and saying all that I know I should.
But I haven’t.
To make more good than bad come from my daughter’s situation.
That is the goal.
To be the pebble.
I know I needed to see the Manhattanhenge.
But I didn’t.
Resistance was stronger than my will.
I need to change that.
This is the 5th chapter from A Good Man
I will be posting the complete book, 2 chapters a day, for the next two weeks.
If you are interested in a FREE eBook of A Good Man You can download it here.
The paperback version is currently on sale at Amazon for only $7.99 including
January 31, 2020
Charades
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When a man’s willing and eager,
The gods join in.
Aeschylus
I imagine the rules of communication between our subconscious mind and our conscious mind are similar to that of a game of charades.
Where our subconscious mind needs to act out the clues for the word or phrase it wants to convey to our conscious mind.
Without having the luxury of verbal communication, the subconscious mind gets to use its physical body, nature, instead.
I imagine this game of charades goes on under the surface of our awareness until our conscious mind gets close to solving our subconscious mind’s clue.
I believe it is then that we are sent a feeling.
I believe this feeling either rises above the surface of normal everyday life and gets us to act or as it gets to the surface, we push it back down.
I believe when this feeling emerges, it is extremely important that we pay close attention to two things – to the coincidences occurring in our lives and to our encounters with the spectacular beauty of nature.
For that is where I believe the answers will reside.
In Anne Lamott’s book, “Bird by Bird” she writes:
“There is ecstasy in paying attention.
Where you see in everything the essence of holiness.”
This “essence of holiness” is often shown to us in the beauty of nature.
We all have had that momentary glimpse into the beauty of nature – a spectacular sunrise, a moving sunset, snow magically covering trees.
Most of us peak for a few seconds, marvel, and then go on with our daily lives.
In essence, pushing the beach ball back down under the water’s surface.
I have learned it is important to do more.
I have learned to let nature’s magical moments fuel my spirit and guide my actions.
Henry David Thoreau said: “I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright.”
I believe when the beauty of nature stops us in our life, it is vitally important for us to take the time to reflect on our life.
For this is when, in life’s game of charades, I believe the conscious mind has solved our subconscious mind’s clues.
It is during this brief time when we pause to take in nature’s beauty that our heart and soul become one.
It is then coincidences in our lives will emerge.
I believe these coincidences are not merely coincidences, they are clues.
It is our soul banging on the door that separates the realm of our conscious from our subconscious worlds.
It is where our soul resides.
This banging produces a perfect combination of truly “knowing” and “feeling” inside of us.
This “knowing feeling” is the ultimate sensation one can feel on this earth.
It is the sensation that one is exactly where one is meant to be at this given moment in one’s life.
I have the “knowing feeling” right now.
It is as if my conscious mind is yelling out “sounds like” as my subconscious mind is tugging on its ear.
This is the 4th chapter from A Good Man
I will be posting the complete book, 2 chapters a day, for the next two weeks.
If you are interested in a FREE eBook of A Good Man You can download it here.
The paperback version is currently on sale at Amazon for only $7.99 including
Still Living
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Bees have to move very fast to stay still.
David Foster Wallace
My life is different now than what it was when I worked for Bill.
Not better, nor worse.
Just drastically different.
I embrace that.
BettyJane and I have are caregivers to our daughter Jessica, who in 2009 lost oxygen to her brain for six minutes.
It is amazing what just six minutes can do to your world.
Jessica now requires around the clock care.
Over the last 3,830 days, either BettyJane or I have literally been by Jess’s side at every given moment.
BettyJane and I are both desperately doing all we can to improve her life.
.1% at a time.
It is excruciating.
It is within this excruciation that I have found an exhilaration for life.
I have traded the hustle and bustle of my prior life for minimization.
Optimization.
Organization.
Appreciation.
Maximization.
For meaning.
I have spent a significant amount of time reflecting on my life – analyzing, uncovering, organizing and trying to make sense of my life’s events.
To understand what truly is important in life.
I have recently started to practice ‘stillness’ as a way of tapping into my soul – to listen and to connect to my inner being.
To find answers.
To find answers to questions I never imagined I would ever have had to ask.
But I do.
In these stillness sessions, I just sit completely still, clear my mind and allow my inner voice to speak to me.
I find that during these sessions, what is communicated to me seems to come from the source of life’s great plan.
A plan in which I initially never quite understand.
A plan at which I marvel when I pay attention to coincidences that start occurring in my life.
Stillness has become the genesis of small miracles in my life.
It is my soul’s magnetic compass.
Stillness points me in the right direction and pulls me onto the right path.
I have learned to blindly travel on whatever path it directs me.
Sometimes the path on which stillness directs me is a public road, lit with a bright sun.
Other times the path is in the woods at night, as I travel alone in the dark.
I have learned wherever the path is, whether public or private, in the light or in the dark, it is the exact path I need to travel in order to fulfill my role in this unique journey which we all call life.
If Bill were able to hear the chatter in my mind, he would know how often I have thought about him recently.
But obviously, he can not.
So there is this gap in my perception of communicating with Bill, and the reality of the matter.
I have often thought about writing or visiting Bill, but something in my life always takes priority.
The proverbial beach ball gets to the surface, ready to explode out of the water, only to be pushed back down by the circumstances of my life.
Even though I know I should use these circumstances as a catalyst to express my feelings, I have used them as an excuse not to.
Days have turned into weeks.
And weeks have turned into months.
It has been nearly a year and I have yet to communicate with Bill in his time of need.
What is inside of me has yet to come out.
In the creative world, they say the more resistance you face completing a project, the more important it is to your soul’s development.
That would explain things.
One of my goals after my daughter’s tragedy is to make more good than bad come from her situation.
To be the pebble of kindness dropped into the ocean of life.
That causes a ripple.
Which creates a wave.
Which floods the world – with love.
I just don’t know what it is I should do?
This is the 3rd chapter from A Good Man
I will be posting the complete book, 2 chapters a day, for the next two weeks.
If you are interested in a FREE eBook of A Good Man You can download it here.
The paperback version is currently on sale at Amazon for only $7.99 including shipping.
January 30, 2020
Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere
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The three toughest fighters
I ever fought were
Sugar Ray Robinson,
Sugar Ray Robinson &
Sugar Ray Robinson.
I fought Sugar so many times,
I’m surprised I’m not diabetic.
Jake LaMotta
Mark West was an undefeated New York State Champion in his freshman year in high school.
My son Travis was an undefeated New York State Champion in his senior year.
In their respective championship seasons,
Mark and Travis had a combined record of 94-0.
Before high school, as youth wrestlers,
Mark and Travis wrestled each other 14 times.
Mark won all 14 matches.
I believe it was those 14 consecutive losses to Mark as a youth wrestler that galvanized Travis into the wrestler he needed to become to be an undefeated New York State Championship.
I also believe, in a small way, it was Marks 14 consecutive wins over Travis that helped him become an undefeated State Champion as well.
Why do I believe this?
I believe Mark and Travis both benefitted from having the wrestling attitude of Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere.
Whenever Mark and Travis were scheduled to wrestle each other, they wrestled.
No matter when their matchup occurred,
no matter how often they wrestled,
no matter if they previously wrestled each other in the last tournament, or just wrestled yesterday,
or last week, or last month, they always wrestled.
And by doing so, they both got better; in different ways, but they both got better.
If Mark’s name was on one line of the bracket, and Travis’s name was on the other, they wrestled.
Here is the cycle from which both wrestlers benefitted.
Travis and Mark would wrestle.
Mark would win.
Travis and I would review the video and figure out what made Mark win the match. We studied how Mark scored his points and where he may be vulnerable.
We would then go into practice that week with a focus and concentration to learn how to stop Mark’s attack and how to counter his moves.
Travis practiced with a purpose; to clean up the areas where Mark had exposed him.
Soon after, Travis and Mark would wrestle again, with Travis feeling as prepared as ever to compete against Mark because of the work he put in after his last loss to Mark.
Mark would find a new way to beating Travis,
with new moves, and a different attack then the ones we had prepared for.
After the loss, Travis and I would immediately review the video to see how Mark won, dissecting his new attack and coming up with a plan to counter his latest attack.
Once again, we would go into practice that week and diligently work on stopping Mark’s new attack and countering his newly incorporated moves.
Travis and Mark would wrestle again, and once again Travis would go into the match feeling prepared, after eliminating his newfound flaw.
Mark, once again knowing we were going to go back to the video to study him came up with a new way of beating Travis, with new moves and another attack.
This cycle repeated itself for fourteen matches.
When it was all said and done, Travis wrestling Mark 14x wound up being the most valuable thing Travis had done as a youth wrestler.
And I believe it was also one of the most valuable things Mark did as well.
Mark found 14 ways to beat a quality wrestler.
Travis corrected 14 ways a quality wrestler beat him.
That is the power of Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere.
I give both Mark and Travis a lot of credit.
Never once did Mark say,
“I don’t want to wrestle Travis. Heck, I’ve beaten him 14x already.”
No, every time Travis stepped foot on the mat,
Mark beat him.
Never once did Travis ever say,
“Let’s not go to that tournament. I’m just going to have to wrestle Mark again.”
No, Travis went to the next tournament seeking to wrestle Mark again.
No matter how often, no matter what length of time there was between each match, no matter how mundane it became for Mark to beat Travis, no matter if losing one time to Travis would have been devastating enough to supersede all his wins against him, Mark kept wrestling and kept finding a new way of winning.
The process of this cycle was invaluable to both wrestlers.
It made Travis better as each time he wrestled Mark a new flaw in his game was found, which he then went back and corrected.
After 14 cycles, Travis was nearly flawless.
I also believe the cycle made Mark a better wrestler as he learned 14 ways to beat a quality wrestler, never relying on only one way to win.
I tell this story because I believe there is great value in it.
So often, nowadays you see guys who are afraid to face the same wrestler multiple times for fear that the other wrestler might “figure them out.”
Shame on them if they can be “figured out” so easily.
In fourteen matches, Mark couldn’t be “figured out” because he did the work to stay one step ahead.
He grew.
He trained to find a new way to win.
And he did.
I have seen elite wrestlers forfeit a semi-final match in a major tournament during the regular season so that they wouldn’t face their expected postseason rival anywhere other than in the state final.
Shame on him to think he could only beat his opponent one time.
So often, nowadays you see guys who won’t wrestle the same opponent in a short period of time, because their flawed thinking is, “I can only beat him once, and I’d rather save that win for the right time.”
So often nowadays you see guys relying on the same moves to win, never expanding their repertoire; thus, it is only a matter of time before their opponents were able to figure them out.
So often nowadays wrestlers are afraid to lose to someone they have beaten multiple times as they fear that the one-loss would loom larger than all their combined wins against that same opponent.
When one allows fear to steer a crash is imminent.
So often nowadays wrestlers try to pick and choose the spots where they perform to preserve an artificial ranking of being ranked #1 instead of wrestling the best competition available and becoming better in the process.
I believe by wrestling Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere, allows you to reach an unbridled level of excellence.
Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere
Is a chapter from
Which can be purchased at
Inside Out
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If there is a magic in telling a story
The formula seems to lie solely
In the aching urge of the writer
To convey something he feels is
Important to the reader.
John Steinbeck
There are times in your life when you run into someone who winds up making a huge difference in your life.
In how you think, how you act, who you are and who you’ve become.
And despite time or their absence, a piece of them continue to live inside of you.
The good man of whom I speak… his name is Bill.
Bill has been such a person to me.
He was the first boss I ever had in my life.
The best boss I ever had in my life.
Bill was my Secretariat of bosses.
It’s been thirty-one years and no one has even come close.
I have only seen Bill a handful of times over those thirty-one years.
I was a kid back when I first met Bill.
I am a man now.
In between, I have lived a lot of life.
My life has bounced between the extremes of exhilarating and excruciating – sometimes on the very same day.
It has taken me many years to learn how to keep my life at least 1% more exhilarating than excruciating at any given moment.
But no matter where I have ever been in my life’s cycle, the impact Bill made on me and my life has always been quite evident to me.
A good man has that impact on you.
He helps you in the good times, as well as the bad.
When Bill was my boss, I saw him every day.
And I never told him how I felt about him.
I haven’t seen Bill in over eight years.
To let him know what he has meant to me is now a driving force in my life.
I can’t explain why.
Maybe it is because I believe when someone impacts your life, it is important to let that person know they made a difference.
And I didn’t back then.
I only hope the reason why I didn’t tell Bill how I felt back then was so I would tell him on the day he really needs to hear it.
Today.
They say writers write when they have something on their inside they must get out.
I agree with that.
I liken it to a beach ball that is held underwater.
Eventually, it needs to be released.
This is the 2nd chapter from A Good Man
I will be posting the complete book, 2 chapters a day, for the next two weeks.
If you are interested in a FREE eBook of A Good Man You can download it here.
The paperback version is currently on sale at Amazon for only $7.99 including shipping.
The Facts
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The strongest men weaken
And the wisest men error
Mahatma Ghandi
There is a good man who sits in jail.
I know him well.
Let me correct that.
For a few years, I knew him well.
I believe I still do.
I am not claiming he is innocent because he is not.
I am claiming he is good because he is.
It is naïve to define a good man as one who has never done a bad thing in his life.
We all have.
I don’t know if the value of one’s life is the accumulation of all the good one has done minus all the bad.
Or should you throw out the best and worst actions of one’s life and just look at the core?
Or does one just use the simple “Would I invite him over to Sunday dinner?” test to see on which side of the fence a person falls?
But what I do know is if the universe were to separate the good men from the bad, the man of whom I am speaking would undoubtedly fall on the side of the good – as he would pass on all of the above tests.
I am sure of that.
I am also sure if we all were to be judged simply by the worst thing we have ever done in our lives, not a soul who has ever lived would seem to have any redeeming value at all.
I tell this story, not to overlook or ignore the pain of this man’s victims, for that pain is very real and is most definitely permanent.
But rather I tell it in hopes of letting this man know he is an extremely valuable human being who has made a difference in my life.
I hope this knowledge will be the kindle which keeps the fire of his goodness burning.
That would be very fitting, as many years ago he lit a fire of goodness inside of me.
Sometimes good people make very bad mistakes – or choices – whichever you prefer.
When good people make bad mistakes, they know it.
It bothers them.
Right down to their core.
For them to live with that knowledge is their lifelong torture.
For them to confuse this torture with their goodness as a person would be a mistake.
Good people sometimes do bad things.
But they are certainly still quite capable of producing more goodness in this world.
A world that so badly needs it.
Edmund Burke said: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
For if every good man who has ever done a bad thing were to stop contributing good to this world, this world would soon be devoid of any good in it at all.
And evil would triumph.
And I just can’t let that happen.
This is the first chapter from A Good Man
I will be posting the complete book, 2 chapters a day, for the next two weeks.
If you are interested in a FREE eBook of A Good Man You can download it here.
The paperback version is currently on sale at Amazon for only $7.99 including shipping.
