Lian Dolan's Blog, page 25

A Difficult Week: An Update from Pasadena

Chaos Crew,

I wanted to let you know what was happening here. As you know, it’s been a long year in terms of caring for my 85- year- old parents. My father is in the late stages of Alzheimer’s and needs 24 hour care and my mother has been worn down physically and emotionally by her role as caregiver.  They have been living in Southern California, my father in a care facility and my mother in an apartment in Santa Monica. But recently, it’s become obvious that my mother can no longer live independently. My sister Julie in Dallas offered her home for my mother with its close proximity to an excellent nursing home for my dad. It was a good solution, even though moving them to another state was not going to be easy.

Last Sunday, my dad got on the plane to Dallas and successfully transitioned to his new facility after an emotional good-bye here in Southern Cal. At the same time as my dad was headed to LAX with my brother, my sister Liz was headed to the ER with my mother. My mother was having trouble breathing. For several months, she was being treated for a pulled muscle in her back, an infection, and a possible a rotator cuff injury. She’s been in pain and exhausted, the stress of my father’ situation visible on her face.  She was immediately admitted to the ER and after two hours of x-rays and blood tests, she was diagnosed with lung cancer.

The diagnosis of lung cancer was shocking and the timing was stunning. Prior to the last few months, my mother was a strong, robust woman who hadn’t had a cigarette in 40 years.  But the tumors certainly explained the pain and the flu-like symptoms. Like many patients and their families who hear the word “cancer,” there were a lot of decisions to make in a short period of time. As last week progressed, the diagnosis was confirmed and the gravity of her condition sunk in. She is stage IV and her cancer is not curable. We are working with her doctors to keep her pain-free and abide by her wishes for palliative care.  Our goal over the next few weeks is to get her medically stable to fly so that she can go to Dallas to be with my father.

Thank you in advance for your thoughts and prayers. Your kind words have been a source of comfort in the past.

Embrace your Chaos, Lian

 

Please note, due to this medical emergency, my talk for the Arizona Author’s Series has been cancelled. I apologize for the inconvenience. There is a full refund available. Please see this website for details.

Six Friends Every Mom Needs in her Momtourage

Forget about raising kids, it takes a village to get Mom from Monday to Friday. In one piece.  Without our female friends, there would be a lot more mental health days in Mommy-ville.

Here’s a list of key friends that every Mom needs in her Momtourage

The In Case of Emergency Friend   Solid, reliable, carries her cell phone at all times, the ICE friend can literally save your life. Whether it’s a medical meltdown or a babysitter bailout, she is there for you and your kids.  Put her down as an Emergency Contact, you have nothing to worry about.  All hail, the ICE Friend.

The LOL Friend  Every mother needs one friend who is just a hoot, regaling you with the hilarious story of a bad boss or a school project disaster. Sometimes, motherhood is not that funny. But an LOL Friend makes you see that it can be—if you lighten up a little bit.

The Ear to the Ground Friend  No, I’m not talking about gossip here, because that’s impolite. But there is always one mom, usually the mom of an active girl, who knows everything going on at school . From homework to weekend parties, the Ear to the Ground Friend  is a go-to resource.   For those of us who live at the edges of information (and by that I mean Mothers of Boys) any source for what is happening is always welcome.

The Life Coach Friend   Technically, she’s not trained in anything psychological or medical, but the Life Coach Friend really knows how to motivate you. One forty five minute walk with Life Coach Friend, and you’re updating your resume, signing up for golf lessons and ridding your wardrobe of plaid. Life Coach Friend absorbs self-help material and preaches it back at you with astonishing success.

The Frenemy  Sports stars say they need a rival to keep them on their toes. So do mothers.   Chances are, your Frenemy is always one step ahead of you: her house is cleaner; her kids are smarter; and, her skin has more collagen. But that’s okay, because your Frenemy forces you focus on what’s really important in your life.  Maybe you’ve lost the skin elasticity battle, but your winning the hair highlighting game.

The No Kids, No Thanks Friend   Every mom needs time away from her life as a mother. Enter the No Kids, No Thanks Friend. She goes to movies! She knows the trendiest restaurants! She still wears pants with non-expandable waist bands! One afternoon with No Kids Friend revives the spirit and reminds you that’s there is life outside the laundry room.

Which friends in your Momtourage keep you sane?

Related Columns:

What’s Your Volunteer Personality

Beyond the Tiger Mom! Create your own Controversial Animal Role Model!

New College-Bound Chronicles: The College Essay; Communication with the Admissions Office and Countdown to the SATs

The College-Bound Chronicles 107: Countdown to the SAT & ACT

On this episode: Standardized Tests from Start to Finish Advice on:

How to manage your anxiety levels

How to know IF your teen needs prep

How to help your teen find the right prep

How to motivate your teen to prep

How to manage the night before the SAT

Dr. Nancy Berk’s List of 5: Panic Busters

Direct download: College_Bound_Chronicles_107.mp3

Category:Season One — posted at: 8:37 PM










The College-Bound Chronicles 106: The College Admissions Essay

On this episode: Essay Tips and Tricks  Advice on:

Helping your teen brainstorm the essay

Knowing when to step in and step back

Top Three Taboo topics

The power of proofreading

Bringing in reinforcements

Dr. Nancy Berk’s List of 5: Essay Tips

Direct download: College_Bound_Chronicles_106.mp3

Category:Season One — posted at: 8:32 PM










The College-Bound Chronicles 105: Communicating with the Admissions Office & The College Admissions Interview On this episode: Admissions Office Strategy 

Advice on:

How to interact with college admissions professionals

Why the parent shouldn’t pose as the applicant

The dangers of becoming an overly involved parent

The worst things to do on a college interview

The best things to do on a college interview

What to do down the road: From waiting to waiting list

Dr. Nancy Berk’s List of 5: Admissions Office Myths

Direct download: College_Bound_Chronicles_105.mp3

Category:Season One — posted at: 8:28 PM

 

The College-Bound Chronicles now available on iTunes. Subscribe here!

 

Join us on Facebook! Like us here

 

Embracing my Chaos, Lian

 

Lian Dolan Speaks at the Arizona Author Series on October 16. Ticket information and Details!

Please join us for an inspiring evening as we celebrate our new partnership with the Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts!

Arizona Authors Series Presents

Lian Dolan, author of Helen of Pasadena

at the Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts.

 

Lian Dolan is an award winning broadcaster and writer. She created Satellite Sisters, a nationally syndicated radio show that won nine Gracie Allen Awards for Excellence. She created and produces The Chaos Chronicles, a humor blog and podcast about modern motherhood. She wrote regular columns for O, The Oprah Magazine and Working Mother and is now the parenting expert at oprah.com. Helen of Pasadena is her first book.

Lian Dolan will talk about the creative challenges of writing her first novel, the hard work of creating a best seller and the mid-life career reinvention that she experienced in the process.

 

Tickets: $20.00 All proceeds benefit the Alzheimer’s Foundation

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Stage 2

Doors open at 6:00 PM

Lecture begins at 7:00 PM

Cash bar

Books are available now at the Gift Shop

Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts.

Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts 7380 E. Second St., Stage 2

Thank you for supporting this event. We look forward to seeing you.

Cheers!

Arizona Authors Series

The Arizona Authors Series is a newly created venue seeking to provide quality literary events to the Phoenix community. Jackie, Julie, Stephanie, Coleen and Susan have teamed up to create an Arizona Authors Series hosted at the Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts. We invite authors to Phoenix who have incredible messages to share, great stories of inspiration and motivation. These are authors who we believe you just might want as your new best friend. As women in business and community volunteers we are raising money and awareness for local charities. Books inspire and change our lives. www.arizonaauthorsseries.co

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Arizona Authors Series 6501 East Greenway Suite 103 Scottsdale, Arizona 85254-2607 United States (602) 710-9000

September is College Savings Month! Information on 529 plans & a Great ScholarShare Contest to win $$$ for your own account

September is College Savings Month

Hi Chaos Crew!

I know I’ve been talking a lot about college lately, but it’s because my son is right in the thick of college applications and it’s top of mind for me. But I know I’m not alone. In a recent survey by Hart Research Associates, 84 % of parents consider it “very important” that their children attend college. And while it’s great that so many parents have that aspiration for their children, I can tell you this: college is a a freakin’ fortune.

Holy cow! I remember when Brookes was born 17 years ago and those news stories started to appear with predictions of what college would cost in the year 2013. The numbers seems so fantastical that, frankly, it was hard to get a handle on them. How could four years of college possible cots $250,000? At that time in our lives, that number seemed so out of reach, it was tempting to bury our heads in the sand and put up the white flag. But we didn’t and we put aside money in various ways, including a 529 College Savings Plan. Is it enough to cover the whole cost of the next 4 years? No, but it’s enough to make a difference and I’m grateful for every dollar.

Last week, I went to a presentation on ScholarShare, California’s 529 plan. I went out of pure interest in this topic and wanted to find out what I could for the Chaos Crew. While we spent a lot of time learning about the financial particulars of the ScholarShare plan, I also got thinking about the emotional particulars.

There are a lot of great financial reason to save for college with ScholarSchare or any 529 plans. But above all,  there’s the emotional benefit of knowing that, as a parent, you’ve done you all you can to give your children a great education.  Think if it this way: you may not get all the way there, but having a 529 account may make the difference in:

Your student graduating debt-free as opposed to debt-laden
Your student being about to live on-campus vs. at home
Your student being able to go to their first choice college vs. one down the list


Your student being able to go to college full-time vs. going to college part time and working
Your student being able to study abroad vs. staying on campus for four years

 

I think breaking up your goals into smaller chunks may get you started on the road to savings. You, too, Grandparents, Godmothers, Aunties and Uncles!

Embracing my Chaos, Lian

For more information on ScholarShare or to enter the Facebook contest, see below:

 

 ScholarShare Facebook Contest:  Entries accepted until 9/26

In celebration of College Savings Month, ScholarShare is running a FB contest – 2 winners will receive $1,529 to open a new ScholarShare account or contribute to an existing one.  Just LIKE their page and then share your college savings story – could be about yourself, saving for your child’s education, savings tips you might have, etc.  Just go to ScholarShare’s FB page and click on the Share Your Story Tab to enter.  Entries must be submitted by 9/26

For more information:

Site: http://scholarshare.com

Facebook:  http://facebook.com/ScholarShare529

 

Related podcasts:

Chaos Chronicle 604: Saving for College, Space Shuttle Sighting, Financial Advice: Chaos Chronicles 604

This week on the Show: The Panini Generation Rollercoaster, The Space Shuttle comes to Pasadena,  Random Acts of Poetry Happy Birthday, Lisa from Connecticut!

Direct download: chaos_604.mp3

Category:2012 — posted at: 7:27 PM

 

 

Click here to listen or subscribe at iTunes

The College Bound Chronicles: My new advice driven podcast series for parents going through the college admissions process. With Dr. Nancy Berk, college psychologist and author of College Bound and Gagged. Nancy has expert advice and I bring parent anxiety! This week’s shows:

Getting started

College Tour

Application Do’s and Dont’s

How to Survive the Other Parents.

 

The College-Bound Chronicles Podcast: Advice for Parents embarking on the College Admissions Process

Click here to like our Facebook page and join in on the conversation. We'd love to hear your thoughts, answer questions and get your advice.

 

 

Introducing The College-Bound Chronicles! A podcast series for parents in the midst of the college admissions process with their children. Advice and information from the parent perspective with Dr. Nancy Berk, psychologist, mother and author or College Bound and Gagged, and Lian Dolan, mother and host of The Chaos Chronicles.

If you subscribe to The Chaos Chronicles on iTunes or Stitcher, you’ll already have these episodes ready to download. If you don’t, please subscribe  to The Chaos Chronicles podcast at iTunes or click on the individual link below. We are working on an individual listing for The College Bound Chronicles at iTunes and Stitcher, but in the meantime, all shows will be posted through The Chaos Chronicles.

 

Four New Episodes Up Now! Each 25 podcast is jam-packed with information and action items from Dr. Nancy Berk and Lian’s angst. 

The College- Bound Chronicles 101: Getting Started on the  College Admission Process

Direct download: College_Bound_Chronicles_101.mp3

The College- Bound Chronicles 102: Planning and Taking the College Tour

Direct download: College_Bound_Chronicles_102_2.mp3

 

The College- Bound Chronicles 103: How to Handle the Other Parents

Direct download: College_Bound_Chronicles_103.mp3

 

The College- Bound Chronicles 104: Application Do’s and Dont’s

Direct download: college_bound_chronicels_104.mp3

Our goal with The College- Bound Chronicles is to give you advice, information and a soft place to land when the process makes you crash! This week’s episodes include advice on:

How to handle overly competitive parents
How to plan a college tour with your child
Advice for parents on what not to say, do, wear or expect during the college tour
The benefit of using college websites for video tours
How to find Truth Telling Parents
What to say if your child isn’t applying to college
Standardized answers to the endless questions
What colleges are really looking for in an applicant
How to hold it together emotionally when your child is driving you crazy
Should you fill in your child’s application
Why parents shouldn’t write the college essay
What parents can do
How to motivate your student to finish
College recommendation strategies
The Common Application vs. Priority Applications

Do you have a High School  Senior? A Junior?  Toddler? Then get in on the action. Join our College Bound Chronicles Facebook Page to post your questions, advice and general anxiety. Please enjoy– and spread the link around to your fellow College Bound Parents. Thanks!

 

Our College Bound Chronicles motto: Keep Calm & Carry On.

 

The College Bound Chronicles Podcast: Advice for Parents embarking on the College Admissions Process

Click here to like our Facebook page and join in on the conversation. We'd love to hear your thoughts, answer questions and get your advice.

 

 

Introducing The College Bound Chronicles! A podcast series for parents in the midst of the college admissions process with their children. Advice and information from the parent perspective with Dr. Nancy Berk, psychologist, mother and author or College Bound and Gagged, and Lian Dolan, mother and host of The Chaos Chronicles.

If you subscribe to The Chaos Chronicles on iTunes or Stitcher, you’ll already have these episodes ready to download. If you don’t, please subscribe  to The Chaos Chronicles podcast at iTunes or click on the individual link below. We are working on an individual listing for The College Bound Chronicles at iTunes and Stitcher, but in the meantime, all shows will be posted through The Chaos Chronicles.

 

Four New Episodes Up Now! Each 25 podcast is jam-packed with information and action items from Dr. Nancy Berk and Lian’s angst. 

The College Bound Chronicles 101: Getting Started on the  College Admission Process

Direct download: College_Bound_Chronicles_101.mp3

The College Bound Chronicles 102: Planning and Taking the College Tour

Direct download: College_Bound_Chronicles_102_2.mp3

 

The College Bound Chronicles 103: How to Handle the Other Parents

Direct download: College_Bound_Chronicles_103.mp3

 

The College Bound Chronicles 104: Application Do’s and Dont’s

Direct download: college_bound_chronicels_104.mp3

Our goal with The College Bound Chronicles is to give you advice, information and a soft place to land when the process makes you crash! This week’s episodes include advice on:

How to handle overly competitive parents
How to plan a college tour with your child
Advice for parents on what not to say, do, wear or expect during the college tour
The benefit of using college websites for video tours
How to find Truth Telling Parents
What to say if your child isn’t applying to college
Standardized answers to the endless questions
What colleges are really looking for in an applicant
How to hold it together emotionally when your child is driving you crazy
Should you fill in your child’s application
Why parents shouldn’t write the college essay
What parents can do
How to motivate your student to finish
College recommendation strategies
The Common Application vs. Priority Applications

Do you have a High School  Senior? A Junior?  Toddler? Then get in on the action. Join our College Bound Chronicles Facebook Page to post your questions, advice and general anxiety. Please enjoy– and spread the link around to your fellow College Bound Parents. Thanks!

 

Our College Bound Chronicles motto: Keep Calm & Carry On.

 

Life on Mars, Nutrition News and is Motherhood REALLY the Hardest Job: Chaos Chronicles 603

Back in the closet for a new Chaos Chronicles Podcast. Be sure to listen and then Comment/Vote on my To Do List item : Dorky or Not Dorky

Tue, 11 September 2012
Back to School Panic, Nutrition News and Is Motherhood REALLY the Hardest Job: Chaos Chronicles 603

Lian is back with a few thoughts on:

The Back to School Night Panic has set in. Let the grade checking begin.

Plus, in the news:

Is Motherhood REALLY the Hardest job?

What’s Life on Mars like for a family in California

Does Sweet food make you sweeter? Do butter foods make you harsh? A new study says yes.

Plus, To Do List. You vote! Dorky or Not Dorky

Direct download: Chaos_603.mp3

Category:2012 — posted at: 9:52 PM

Comment Below for Dorky or Not Dorky!
The Concert that Never Was…

Is it the birthday gift that shouldn’t be? Or should we got for it and rock out to this line up of Tribute Bands?

Take a look at the event listing and tell me Dorky or Not Dorky! Is this a good birthday item for the Satellite Sisters

 

 

Embracing my Chaos,

Lian

 

 

 

 

In the Era of the SuperKid, Advice for Parenting the Average child

In the Era of the Superkid, it can be a lonely road parenting an Average Child.  And boy, nothing makes you confront “average” like the college admissions process. Several conversations I’ve had recently reminded me to go dig up a column I wrote several years ago for Oprah.com . When you hear other parents talk, it seems like every other child but yours ( and mine!) is an academically-gifted, award-winning pianist who started a foundation for rescue dogs while averaging 17 points a game as power forward.  What if your child is, gasp, normal?  Relax.  Here’s some advice on raising a (great) average kid:

Cultivate Perspective  Your kids have at least 18 years in your care. That’s a long time for them to become the happy, healthy human beings we all hope for. Their long-term prospects are not determined by whether they can read at age four or not!  When it comes to fostering development, remember the phrase: It’s a marathon, not a sprint.  As a parent, you have a long time to do your job and see results.  Don’t rush them or yourself!

Focus on the Positive  Easy to say, harder to pull off in a society where the focus is on SATs and GPAs.  But look at the whole child, beyond numbers. Is she kind to younger siblings? Does he play guitar and write his own songs? Is she a terrific public speaker? Every child is great at something. Remember the unquantifiable qualities you admire in your child at report card time.

Understand their Strengths  They are their own people, not little versions of you!  Genetics is no guarantee they will inherit your talents. If you love books, it may devastate you if your son is not a reader. (Guilty as charged!)  You love math; Junior hates numbers. You were captain of the lacrosse team; your daughter prefers ballet. I know it’s tough, but try to get over it!  Let them find their own passions

Disengage from Comparisons  The conversations amongst parents comparing children are endless. Who should make the travel team? Who has the better voice in the school play? Who got into what pre-school?  Getting caught up in the drama can create anxiety about how your own kid measures up. Keep a safe distance from these sorts of conversations.  Give your child some space to grow at their own pace.

Find a Guinea Pig Mom  Befriend a mom whose kids are a little bit older than yours and she is a little bit wiser than you– a big sister, a down-to-earth neighbor, a college roommate. This is your Parenting Guinea Pig. She can give you the “Been There, Done That, with Varying Degrees of Success” reality check that you need to manage your expectations.  Listen to her hard-won advice.

Any advice you want to share? Please do.

Embracing my chaos, Lian

Related Columns:

The Gift of Flight

Help me, I’m Hovering: Advice for Helicopter Parents

 

September is National Yoga Month: Free Classes, DVD recommendations, Yoga Mats and more

September is National Yoga month and I decided to run a guest post with great information for those you you considering giving yoga a try. I took my first yoga class as a PE requirement in college. A math professor, Dr. Bull, showed me my first downward dog 28 year ago! I mocked, I moaned, I almost failed because of lack of attendance. But somewhere deep inside me, yoga clicked. I’ve been practicing for the better part of the last 20 years, as my schedule and kids allowed. Over the course of the last year, I’ve been faithfully attending two to three classes a week purely for stress management as I deal with my elderly parents and the reality of being in the sandwich generation. I can honestly say that my yoga practice is helping me hold it all together.

See my recommendations for  products and gear at the end of the post: Acacia Lifestyle; Gaiam Mats and Accessories; Yogi Teas and Yoga House Pasadena

Thanks to Kendal Perez for this post.

September is National Yoga Month, as designated by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services to promote the benefits of the practice and to encourage a healthy lifestyle. Though Americans spent $5.7 billion on yoga products in 2008, practicing doesn’t have to cost you an arm and a leg.

Follow these tips to find the many benefits of yoga for less — your body and mind will thank you.

Try it for Free

In honor of National Yoga Month, you can get one free week of yoga from over 1,600 participating studios across the country. Hit up MrFreeStuff.com for the promotion and enter your information for a list of nearby studios. A free pass not only lets you check out the space but also determine what kind of yoga you like best.

Do the Math

Most studios offer multiple membership options, including monthly plans, punch passes and individual class prices. Do the math to determine which one is best for you. I save about $20 per month by opting for the monthly plan over the punch-pass plan, but I keep a regular schedule. Others who don’t have the luxury of committing to class twice a week might prefer a pay-as-you-go method.

Rent Before You Buy

Some yoga studios have mats available for rent when you’re just starting out. A brand-name, high-quality mat costs between $50 and $100, so it pays to test out mats and the studio before investing. If you decide to move forward with yoga and want to purchase your own mat, check out these recommendations from Consumer Search.

DVD vs. Studio

I confess: a “Yoga for Dummies” DVD was my first introduction to the practice. Despite the playful brand, I learned the foundational postures from the comfort of my living room. DVDs are certainly the more frugal approach to learning yoga, but I recommend taking a few classes to understand the proper form. Instructors will make adjustments and offer detailed explanations for how positions should feel. This is essential to reducing your risk for injury and getting the most out of your practice.

Subscribe for Savings

If you’re really interested in making yoga part of your daily routine, consider subscribing to Yoga Journal or a similar magazine. In addition to articles offering additional insight into the practice and lifestyle, each issue features an at-home sequence that you can also watch online. Books, DVDs and online tutorials are other affordable additions to your daily practice.

Get Gear for Less

Extra sticky mats and organic cotton pants may be staples in your yoga studio, but they’re certainly not a requirement for practice. Avoid the yoga-specialty stores if you’re on a budget and look for mats, blocks and other accessories at discount retailers. I purchased two yoga blocks for $10 at TJMaxx, for example, after having priced them at Sports Authority for $15 per block.

Practice Anywhere

These days, you can find yoga classes at your local studio, fitness club, online via Web videos and even department stores. According to a recent article in the Dallas Business Journal, JCPenney will offer yoga and pilates classes at the center of select store locations. Regardless of where you choose to go, yoga can be practiced nearly anywhere. While yoga doesn’t require equipment, yogis on-the-go might like no-slip gloves and socks to stay grounded, like those popularized by ToeSox.

Namaste.

###

Kendal Perez is a frugal fashionista and bargain shopper who helps fellow shopaholics find hassle-free ways to save money. As the marketing coordinator for Kinoli Inc., site manager for a family of money-saving websites, Kendal has the resources to be an extreme couponer but prefers a less complicated approach to staying in-budget. Kendal has been quoted in such media outlets as People StyleWatch, CNN Money, FOX, ABC, NPR and Kiplinger Personal Finance. For savings tips and more information, visit HassleFreeSavings.com.

 

 

 Lian Recommends other resources for Yoga-related items:

Great Yoga videos for all levels: Acacia Lifestyle featuring Shiva Rea. Love the Shiva Rae Vinyasa Flow series videos. and the specialty video for back pain even if you don’t have back pain! Great clothes and gear too.

Great Yoga Gear and Mats: Gaiam yoga products have been around for years and stand the test fo time. I like the mats. They are super thick- my perefernce– but they are super pretty. Everytime I roll out my mat, I like looking at the colors and the designs! Dorky, yes. But true. Love the padded straps from this company.

Yoga House: My studio of choice here in Pasadena. Love the teachers and the vibe. And, that free tea!

Yogi Tea: I love ending the the day with a cup of tea and Yogi Teas are some of my favorites, especial the Rest & Relax teas.