Leslie Glass's Blog, page 378

Hope For Addicted Women

In the spring of 1978, First Lady Betty Ford publicly announced her recovery from addiction to alcohol and other drugs. It was a stunning moment for those who had long worked to destigmatize addiction. For over 100 years, addicted women had been fighting to get treatment in silent shame.

Early Treatment For Addicted Women Cloaked In Lies

In the late 1800s, a woman seeking discrete treatment at the Keeley Institute in Dwight, Illinois, was often admitted under a false name. Even her physicians were unaware of her true identity. On the other hand, “Keeley Men” proudly strolled the city streets. They posed for pictures of their triumph over “King Alcohol.” Meanwhile, women were sequestered in the “Ladies Home.” They were isolated from male patients and exposure to local citizens. They never appeared in Keeley photographs.

In 1888, Dr. Lucy Hall, Physician in Charge of the Reformatory Prison in Sherburne, Massachusetts, profiled 204 addicted, incarcerated women. Most began drinking as teenagers. They usually drank with other young women, and progressed from alcohol-laced tonics to beer and spirits.

More than one-third of the women had been battered by their husbands.

In The 1900s Women Start To Speak Out

Several heroic women helped shape the history of alcoholism treatment during the 1940s and 1950s. Marty Mann was the first woman to achieve prolonged sobriety within A.A. In 1944, she founded the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism. Because her public testimony of recovery was repeated, innumerable women entered recovery. In 1956, actress Lillian Roth announced her treatment for alcoholism and detailed her recovery in I’ll Cry Tomorrow (1954).

Addicted Women Still Face Treatment Obstacles

Everything we study in the addiction arena reveal significant gender differences including:

Etiologies
Patterns
Obstacles
Engagement strategies
Treatment techniques
Styles and structures of recovery

Yet women still face these common obstacles:

Both licit and illicit drug industries target women.
The long history of stigma results in invisibility and voicelessness of addicted and recovering women.
Treatment providers try to change women’s lives with programs created by and for men .

Overcoming The Obstacles

We owe much to our modern pioneers:

Jean Kirkpatrick
Marian Sandmaier
Edith Gomberg
Sharon Wilsnack
LeClaire Bissell
Sheila Blume
Linda Beckman
Charlotte Davis Kasl
Stephanie Covington

These women, with many others, pushed these findings from the laboratory to the community. They widened the doorways of recovery. They helped create intervention and recovery models designed for women.

Likewise, Betty Ford’s courage and candor boosted the women-focused research and treatment agendas of NIDA and NIAAA. Her struggle sparked many local communities to examine the special needs of addicted women. Since then, research and treatment advances have forced a dramatic re-evaluation of the sources and solutions to alcohol- and other drug-related problems among women.

However, it’s not enough that a few premier, gender-specific programs existed for brief periods in American history, let alone today.  It’s time to put all we have learned about the treatment of addicted women into treatment programs throughout the country.

For more than 150 years, women have dreamed of finding an addiction treatment program anywhere in the country. Women envision a treatment program specifically designed for them. It is time for that vision to be fulfilled.

To read this entire original article or find similar groundbreaking articles, visit the William L. White papers.

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Boundary Building Brown Butter Sauce

In my life, everything relates to food, and my boundary problems significantly impact my diet. My idea of healthy eating is low-carb, moderate protein and healthy fats. My family loves pizza, cookies, soda, and buffalo wings. For years, instead of doing what worked for me, I became a chameleon and ate their favorite foods.

Conversely, when I really needed a hand in the kitchen, I refused to ask my family for help. My teenager doesn’t know how to wash a dish, and it’s because I don’t ask him to. Instead, I do the chores all by myself and then grow angry and resentful.

Most Common Types Of Boundary Problems

Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have written multiple books on boundaries, so this is a high-level, big picture summary of the four most common boundary problems:

Compliants say “Yes” to the bad. People who struggle with this type of boundary are chameleons who melt into the needs and demands of others.
Avoidants say “No” to the good. These folks refuse to ask for or accept help. They build strong walls to protect their authentic selves and isolate behind the walls when they are hurt.
Controllers don’t respect other people’s boundaries, and controllers come in two types – aggressive or manipulative. Controllers are often aggressive.
Non-responsives don’t hear the needs of others. They are often critical of others or hyper-focused on themselves.

I am a compliant avoider.

Building New Boundaries

By far, learning how to set boundaries has been the most challenging yet rewarding part of my recovery. I’m much better at saying “No.” Accepting help is still a work in progress.

So, how does this relate to butter? Setting boundaries on what I eat is a regular focus for me. Before recovery, I would have never made a dish that my family wouldn’t enjoy with me. Now, I make this amazing sauce often.

The Best Brown Butter Sauce EVER

Ingredients:

1 Stick of Butter (real butter, not oleo, or margarine)
2 Tablespoons of Walnuts
2 Tablespoons of FRESH sage, chopped or rosemary (Sage is my favorite.)
Salt and pepper to taste
1-2 cloves of garlic
Optional – 1 small shallot thinly sliced (Best used on days when you really need help setting boundaries.)

Put all of the ingredients in a saucepan and melt on medium-low heat. Let the butter simmer, stirring occasionally until the butter starts to brown.

Browned butter is life changing. Just keep an eye on it because black butter is bad and burnt garlic is worse.

I drizzle this butter over steamed butternut squash, broccoli, and mashed potatoes. It is also great on turkey or chicken. It’s so good, that I have been known to eat it plain straight from the saucepan. Plus, butter is healthy. Per Dr. Axe, butter is:

An excellent source of vitamins A, D, E, and K
Rich with manganese, chromium, zinc, copper and selenium, a powerful antioxidant
A perfect blend of Omega-3 and Omega-6 fats
Is a source of good cholesterol

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When Does A Habit Become An Addiction

We know the cycle. He swears its an addiction. He accuses and she denies. Because alcohol and substance use disorder are diseases that can be diagnosed, specific criteria eliminates some of the speculation on how much use is too much.

Alcohol use disorder, and the various types of other drug use disorders (e.g. opioid, cocaine, marijuana), have the same signs and symptoms that all fall under the larger umbrella of “substance use disorder.”

All Of These Disorders Have:

Signs (outwardly observable behaviors or consequences related to the use of the substance)
Symptoms (personal, subjective experiences related to the use of the substance)

The American Psychiatric Association diagnoses the severity of substance use disorders by identifying the presence of problematic patterns using the criteria below over a 12 month period:

Amount – Does the patient take the substance in larger amounts for longer than intended?
Control – Does the patient want to cut down or quit but is unable to?
Time – Does the patient spend large amounts of time obtaining the substance?
Cravings – Does the patient experience a strong desire or have cravings for the substance?
Obligations – Is the patient repeatedly unable to carry out obligations at work, school, or home due to substance use?
Social – Does the patient continue to use the substance despite persistent or reoccurring social or interpersonal problems or harm to relationships?
Activities – Has the substance abuse caused the patient to stop or reduce important social, occupational, or recreational activities?
Hazard – Does the patient continue to use the substance in hazardous situations such as driving under the influence?
Harm – Does the patient keep using the substance despite the knowledge of the substance causing persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problems?
Tolerance – Does the patient need for more and more of the substance(s) to achieve the desired effect or a diminished effect with the continued use of the substance at the same dose?
Withdrawal – Does the patient suffer from withdrawal symptoms as either a characteristic syndrome or need to keep using to avoid withdrawals?



What’s The Diagnosis?

Patients who answer “Yes” to 2 or 3 of these questions have a mild substance use disorder. Patients who answer “Yes” to 4 or 5 questions have a moderate substance use disorder. Finally, patients who answer “Yes” to 6 or more questions have a severe substance use disorder.

It’s An Addiction. Now What?

Although the above questions are used by physicians, the first step is to get assessed. Once a diagnosis is made, the pain often increases because we can no longer deny the problem. However, the healing can also begin. Today, more help is available than ever before. The next step is to find help. Recovery Guidance lists treatment centers, addiction physicians, counselors, and support groups (i.e. 12 Step meetings) who can help the patient and the family.

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Mariah Carey Opens Up About Her Bipolar Disorder

From Jess Cagle @ People: In this week’s PEOPLE cover story, Mariah Carey reveals for the first time her battle with bipolar disorder.

Although she was first diagnosed in 2001 (when she was hospitalized for a physical and mental breakdown), “I didn’t want to believe it,” the superstar singer-songwriter tells PEOPLE editor in chief Jess Cagle.

Carey says she finally sought treatment recently after “the hardest couple of years I’ve been through” — years of professional upheaval, an E! reality show and romantic drama.

“Until recently I lived in denial and isolation and in constant fear someone would expose me,” she says. “It was too heavy a burden to carry and I simply couldn’t do that anymore. I sought and received treatment, I put positive people around me and I got back to doing what I love — writing songs and making music.”

One of the most successful singers of all time, with 18 No. 1 hits and more than 200 million records sold, Carey spent many of her years in the spotlight suffering in silence.

She is now in therapy and taking medication for bipolar II disorder, which involves periods of depression as well as hypomania (less severe than the mania associated with bipolar I disorder, but can still cause irritability, sleeplessness and hyperactivity).

“I’m actually taking medication that seems to be pretty good. It’s not making me feel too tired or sluggish or anything like that. Finding the proper balance is what is most important,” Carey tells PEOPLE.

“For a long time I thought I had a severe sleep disorder,” continues Carey, now back in the studio working on an album due later this year. “But it wasn’t normal insomnia and I wasn’t lying awake counting sheep. I was working and working and working … I was irritable and in constant fear of letting people down. It turns out that I was experiencing a form of mania. Eventually I would just hit a wall. I guess my depressive episodes were characterized by having very low energy. I would feel so lonely and sad — even guilty that I wasn’t doing what I needed to be doing for my career.”

Carey, who co-parents her 6-year-old twins Monroe and Moroccan with ex-husband Nick Cannon, says she decided to come forward because “I’m just in a really good place right now, where I’m comfortable discussing my struggles with bipolar II disorder. I’m hopeful we can get to a place where the stigma is lifted from people going through anything alone. It can be incredibly isolating. It does not have to define you and I refuse to allow it to define me or control me.”

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Stress Relievers for Recovery

April is National Stress Awareness month! Woohoo! We’re figuring out how to tell if we are stressed, and we’re talking about what to do for stress relief. For some of us, it helps to have tools for when the heat is on, and we may not have the time, or ability to make it to a meeting, call someone who may not be available, or get professional help.

Easy stress relief practices are great for people in recovery.

So, these are my top stress relievers for when I’m freaking out and have to figure out what to do on my own. Usually, one of them is effective.

Meditation practice.

Now, I was one of those people who said they meditated as a part of my recovery, and I did. Here and there—now and then. But, last winter I got involved in a group that required me to meditate ten minutes a day, every day. I struggled for the first 30 days. 30 days doesn’t do it for me in terms of making something a regular thing. I’m a 90-day type of gal. After three months, I now look forward to it and see a remarkable difference in my emotional sobriety from turning this hobby into a practice.

Exercise.

Endorphins are a cure-all for a lot. I knew this guy who suffered from terrible anxiety as part of his mental health issues, and he used to go for a long, hard run every single morning. The way he explained it to me was that the running forced his head to get straight in two ways – one, his endorphin level was raised. Two, his breathing became regulated from the run, which ultimately calmed his heart rate and put him on pace for the rest of the day.

Breathing activities.

Like meditation, I believe this is something that works best when you’ve had some guided training and practice. You know how when people have an anxiety attack they often hyperventilate? Well, deep breathing, or healthy breathing, will help regulate your heart rate and calm you down.

Cooking.

If you’re someone who feels comfortable in the kitchen, then cooking can be a fabulous stress-relieving activity. From giving yourself the assignment of finding a great recipe to buying the food, to food prep and cooking, to the finale of cleaning, the whole process can take up a lot of time and energy giving your mind a little relief from the mania.

Animals/Nature.

I’m very lucky, and I live by an incredible hiking trail in California. Whenever something upsets me, I grab the dog, and we hike up that mountain. Nature gives me the perspective and the quiet I need to remove myself from the situation for a moment, and a long walk with the dog allows us to connect and have a spiritual moment. I know a dog trainer who told me there’s nothing a dog loves more than to take a nice, long walk with their human in nature. When I see my dog prance up the mountain and look back at me with a grin, I know I’m doing something good for both of us, and it gives me a lift in that way too.

To be clear, I do not suggest that you don’t call your sponsor, or go to meetings. Those things are essential if you’re a person who needs recovery group support, but the goal here in recovery is to create a world we can live in comfortably. To me, living comfortably means having tools I can use at any moment, for any reason.

Ps. that’s my dog at the top of Runyon canyon

Recovering from addiction means withdrawing from emotional stress

From Seth Blais Press Herald:

One of the most challenging parts of entering recovery is that you are forced to face the same painful emotions and challenges you did before, but this time without the help of drugs and alcohol. In a previous column, I wrote that:

“The best part about getting sober is that you are finally able to feel your feelings, and the worst part about getting sober is that you are finally able to feel your feelings.”

Abstaining from drugs and alcohol didn’t immediately take away the problems in my life and within myself emotionally. Although they compounded my problems, drugs were never the actual issue. Mind-altering substances were how I attempted to treat myself.

Abstinence from drugs and alcohol does not guarantee emotional sobriety.

I was never able to improve my life dramatically by merely removing drugs and alcohol. Eliminating drug use would mitigate the daily consequences of things like my wife’s anger and some financial stress, but ultimately I was still a broken man with the same problems. Abstinence without self-work just removed the only way I knew how to cope with my emotions.

Now, I spend time each day working on myself and developing emotional sobriety. I’m learning how to navigate my feelings without turning to drugs or alcohol.

Two ways people deal with emotional stress

When it comes to painful feelings or uncomfortable situations, I think people react in one of two different ways. You can either heighten your effort to increase the incoming benefits of a relationship or decrease what you invest to conserve energy and minimize pain.

One way that people react to painful emotions or uncomfortable conversations is by investing more effort to earn more significant benefits. When there is a conflict, especially in a relationship, this person wants to immediately talk about it and find a solution, even if the conversation is painful. They recognize that to get the most out a relationship or challenging situation, they need to invest more energy into it.

The second way to react when facing emotional pain is to withdraw or avoid it. When I get emotionally overwhelmed, I try to avoid or escape the conflict and calm myself down by removing myself from the situation. I feel as though the less emotional equity I invest into a situation, the less I have to lose or less pain potentially I can experience.

Avoiding emotional pain without the help of drugs and alcohol

Not knowing how to process pain from childhood trauma in healthy ways, I used the one method that I learned during my childhood. For most of my twenties, I used drugs and alcohol to avoid uncomfortable emotions. This coping method worked – until it didn’t – and I eventually found myself with an addiction to heroin and an unmanageable life.

No longer able to use drugs as a solution, this desire to avoid pain manifests itself in other ways. My desire to avoid certain feelings affects all aspects of my life but is most detrimental in close personal and romantic relationships.

Instead of engaging in a disagreement with my girlfriend, I’ll often use excuses, such as being busy with other engagements. Ironically, I may even use the writing of this column as a way to avoid or delay meaningful communication. Being entirely vulnerable to a romantic partner is challenging for me, and something that I struggle with.

Author Neill Strauss said:

“When someone’s buttons get pressed, what’s occurring is a regression to the emotional age where that button was created in early life. You can’t argue with a child. Wait until they’re back in an adult state again to have a rational discussion about it.”

My father and older brother showed me that pain wasn’t something that a man was supposed to feel. They were tough. Being vulnerable and emotional wasn’t something a real man did, or so I thought. I learned early on that I could cover uncomfortable feelings with drugs and alcohol.

If challenged, I will revert to the behavior I learned as a child, hiding from my emotions or covering them up. I sometimes refuse to engage in a situation or discussion that might risk exposure.

People who have experienced trauma may disconnect from themselves in times of emotional stress. This disconnection is especially prevalent in people who also suffer from addiction since they already have a pattern of using avoidance to cope with emotions.

Uncomfortable situations are opportunities for self-reflection and growth. It’s crucial that I don’t remove myself and lose an opportunity for improvement. Abstinence from drugs and alcohol does not guarantee emotional sobriety, and without actively working on my emotional sobriety, I’m not sure I can sustain abstinence.

Photo: Adobe

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Women Experience Addiction Differently

From Forbes: Today, women worldwide have amassed unprecedented success, becoming billionaires, filmmakers, trauma surgeons and Nobel laureates. Many famous women including Joan Crawford and Lady Gaga were born in March. Despite historic success by the everyday and celebrity woman, as a female physician specializing in addiction, certain disconcerting realities are not lost on me.

In spite – or perhaps because of – colossal fame, both aforementioned superstars battled demons. The Hollywood legend famously struggled with alcohol. The Little Monsters trailblazer candidly self-medicated her pain and anxiety with cocaine, marijuana and other drugs. Women in general experience unique health challenges, many of which remain under- or inappropriately treated. Addiction is no exception.

Some General Gender-Based Differences on Addiction

Mortality from drug overdose remains the leading cause of death from injury in the United States, with opioids leading the charge. Until the 1990s, most research on substance use focused on men – consistent with most historically male-centered medical research. This changed when U.S. agencies required that federally-funded studies enroll more women. Several gender differences are worth noting.

Let’s first make sure we’re on the same page as far as the definition of addiction, which is a chronic medical disease, a relapsing and remitting disease of the brain, that causes compulsive drug seeking and use despite harmful consequences to the individual using and to those around him or her. It is NOT a sign of moral weakness or failure.

While men are more likely than women to develop addiction, women are more likely to face greater challenges. Women experience addiction-related medical or social consequences faster than men, find it harder to quit, and are more vulnerable to relapse. Let’s explore the effect of specific substances on women.

Opioids: From Pills to Heroin and Beyond  

 My 40-year-old patient, “Lori,” was a single mother to three boys when she started injecting heroin to relieve her back pain. Spiraling out of control, she lost her nursing license, her job, and ultimately her home. After years of difficulty, she is now in recovery, working as a substance use counselor and loving mom to two teenage sons; her oldest (“he was my baby”) died of heroin overdose. He was 20.

A 2010 American Journal of Public Health study found that women were more likely to be prescribed opioids than men and to continue them long-term. Before using heroin, Lori had been prescribed oxycodone. Another study of chronic pain patients prescribed opioids in the Journal of Pain revealed that women’s increased risk of opioid misuse was related to emotional issues while men misused opioids because of legal and behavioral problems. In addition to her own health problems (addiction, hepatitis C, depression), Lori juggled unemployment and homelessness along with single parenthood.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), women are more likely to have chronic pain, be prescribed prescription painkillers and at higher doses than men; and become dependent more quickly than men. From 1999 to 2010, CDC data revealed that 48,000 women died of prescription-related overdoses. During this timeframe, prescription overdose deaths increased over 400% among women, versus 237% among men. The sobering statistics don’t end with prescriptions. The National Center for Health Statistics reported heroin overdose deaths among women tripled from 2010 through 2013.

Alcohol

As prevalent as opioids are, alcohol sadly kills far more women: 26,000 from alcohol (2010) vs 13,000 from opioids annually in the U.S., per CDC (alcohol-related deaths in 2016 was unavailable but most likely higher than 26,000).

Like opioids, alcohol dependence develops faster in women than in men, as does alcohol-induced organ injury such as liver disease and brain damage. Breast cancer risk can increase by 5-9%. Biology also makes women more vulnerable to alcohol’s effects. First, because women generally weigh less than men, their bodies have less water and more fatty tissue. Because fat retains alcohol while water dilutes it, women’s organs experience more injury. Second, women have lower levels of two enzymes that metabolize alcohol, resulting in faster alcohol absorption into the bloodstream.

Nicotine

According to Harvard Health, female smokers face greater health risks than male smokers. For instance, they may be more likely to have a heart attack or develop lung cancer. Women also find it harder to quit smoking, and when they do quit, are more likely to restart. The reasons aren’t clear, although female smokers are more responsive to environmental triggers (e.g. wanting to smoke when drinking alcohol), while male smokers are more responsive to nicotine. This suggests — and preliminary research confirms — that nicotine replacement therapy may not work as well in women as it does in men.

Pregnancy and Addiction

According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM), exposure to substances such as alcohol, nicotine, cocaine, opioids and benzodiazepines can increase the risk of pregnancy-related complications including neonatal abstinence syndrome and stillbirth. In addition, substance use-associated high-risk behaviors can lead to sexually transmitted infections such as HIV and hepatitis C in mother and fetus. Women with SUDs also have high rates of unmet reproductive health needs. While 50% of pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned, a 2011 Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment study showed that the rate may be as high as 80% among women with addiction. Moreover, pregnant women with SUD are more likely to have co-occurring mental illness, including postpartum depression.

Strategies Moving Forward

Treatment programs that provide comprehensive services—perinatal care, child care, other family services—increase women’s engagement in care. For alcohol, how much is too much? Low-risk drinking limits in women include a maximum of three drinks in one day or seven in one week; National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism’s Rethinking Drinking has helpful information.

For pregnancy and SUD, ASAM recommends:

Screening all women of reproductive age for pregnancy intention (refer to family planning services including contraception); screening all pregnant women for SUD (refer to treatment); screening for depression and other co-occurring psychiatric illness during prenatal and postpartum visits
Treatment – ALL pregnant women should be given priority access to SUD treatment, which should meet the specific needs of women and their families, e.g. childcare, nutrition, transportation, reproductive health and mental illness. For pregnant women with opioid use disorder, opioid agonist medication, i.e. buprenorphine or methadone, and behavioral therapies are the standard of care.
Law Enforcement Reform – Let’s avoid labeling pregnant women who are using alcohol or other drugs as “child abusers.” Instead of throwing them in jail, the criminal justice system should incorporate evidence-based strategies that enable women to receive the care they need and deserve.

Last but certainly not least, as policymakers consider the broad range of health issues impacting their district/city/state, they should explore every opportunity to improve women’s health. Enhancing women’s health will ultimately enhance the community’s health.

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Take The Gratitude Challenge

What are you grateful for in this season of your life? Take the gratitude challenge for five days to love yourself and others more. How appreciative are we of the many people in our lives? How much love do we show them? Perhaps more challenging, many of us are suffering from the negative impact of addiction in our lives. How can we feel good about loved ones who cause us pain? Acceptance helps us and them.

Over 100 years ago, philosopher William James, who happens to be the father of American psychology, wrote

‘The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.”

Attitude of Gratitude Challenge

Here’s the challenge: show your appreciation of those around you simply appreciating them, regardless the behavior they exhibit. When we take time to acknowledge the people in our lives, our world become richer. We have a more meaningful connection to those we love. This in turn helps them feel good about who they are.

Take The Challenge

Begin by telling one person what you love and appreciate about them. Do this for five consecutive days. By making gratitude and appreciation part of our daily ritual, we program ourselves to recognize the good in ourselves and others. We will, therefore, hard-wire our thoughts to have more positive feelings than negative ones. This really works.

Professor Robert A. Emmons, world-renowned expert on gratitude, has shown through extensive research that gratitude effectively increases happiness, confidence and all-around well being.

Share what you love about others and in the process, you will find out that you love and appreciate yourself more too.

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Thank You All Employees Who Run Everything

Administrative Professionals Day is right around the corner on April 25, 2018. It begs the question, when is the last time you said “Thank You” to an employee? Thanking employees is an incredible tool to show appreciation every day. You don’t have to wait for a holiday. How about saying thank you more often?

Here are a few of the many ways you can shower all of your employees with gratitude:

Begin by being more open and demonstrate that you care about the employees, a co-worker or a customer
Formal recognition
Acknowledging successes with workplace celebrations
Early dismissal before a holiday
Learn to accept their compliments and thanks

Thank You Grows Throughout Your Company

By showing appreciation and gratitude, a leader can foster great changes in the small circle of a company’s employees. The added value of thankfulness can grow into a company-wide culture of gratitude. Likewise, employees will most likely pay your gratitude forward. Tap into the spirit of gratitude as a catalyst for growth and motivation within your organization.

 

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Finding Gratitude In Pain

When I came into recovery, I was MAD at God. I didn’t trust Him or approve of any of His plans for my life. How could I find gratitude in the middle of addiction, death, lies, and a broken, dysfunctional family?

Forced Gratitude Didn’t Help

My co-dependency was a swirling mess of manipulating and control. I was afraid to trust anyone, and I was terrified of doing something wrong.

Somehow, I came to believe it was my job to keep my friends, family, neighbors, and even complete strangers in complete harmony. I felt responsible for everyone else’s behavior.

During this time of fear-driven control, I thought prayer worked like this:

Identify the problem.
Map out the best possible solution – be concise and elaborate. Include names, dates, times, GPS coordinates, and a flow chart if possible.
Agonize about the problem and potential plan for days or even weeks.
Present plan to God.
Wait for God to follow MY plan.

Can you believe this never worked? At some point, someone told me if I wanted God to answer my prayers, I should practice gratitude. So I added a new step. Before I presented the plan to God, I took two or three minutes to tell Him what I was thankful for.

This didn’t work either because my motive wasn’t pure. I wasn’t thankful. I was just trying to appease God, who in my mind was more like the Wizard of Oz.

Recovery Restored My Sanity

There are many paths to recovery, and the 12-steps work for me. In step 1, I learned my life was unmanageable. In Step 2, I reluctantly agreed power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. After all, nothing I did worked, and I tried everything.

Yet I wasn’t ready to trust the big, mean, powerful God I learned about in Sunday school. I tabled this idea and kept working the steps.

In my fourth step inventory, I examined my part in all of my problems. I learned about co-dependency. My prayers were really an attempt to force solutions and control unmanageable problems.

After many months of recovery, I eventually solve all of my problems using steps 1, 2, and 3:

My problem is making my life unmanageable.
There’s nothing more I can do to fix it.
I need someone bigger than me to help. I surrender to my Higher Power, who is the same God I used to fear,) and I wait.

What Gratitude Means To Me

Where does gratitude fit in? In step 11, I “improve my conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.”

My gratitude list is no longer an insincere attempt to control God. It’s a written account of how since recovery, trusting God has changed my life.

It reminds me that God isn’t who I thought He was.

It keeps me from falling back into an unhealthy pattern of fear and control.

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