Leslie Glass's Blog, page 316
December 1, 2018
10 Things To Say To Someone Who’s Depressed
Depression support for loved ones and friends can be challenging. What should you say to show you care? There are various types of depressive disorders, from a minor, short-termed depression to an overwhelming, non-functioning illness. Studies tell us that approximately one in four persons will have a depressive episode during their lifetime. Yet there is still stigma attached to having a mental illness which causes even more difficulties for the depressed person. For example, if I’m depressed, do I tell others what is going on with me? Do I need to let them know I see a therapist and am on medication? How do I tell someone I’m suicidal?
What Is Depression Like
Imagine yourself at a time when you were extremely physically sick. As you think about horrible this illness was, remember your thoughts and feelings. Now think about what you would feel like if you had an overwhelming depression that continually set you back on a daily basis for weeks, maybe months, or longer. Because we often don’t really understand how terrible this disease is, it’s hard to imagine, but our goal is to be there for friends, family, and others who deal with depression on a daily basis. So this list of statements can help you to be a support.
Things To Say For Depression Support
“Would you like some company?” This allows the depressed person to make the decision about being with you. At times, he/she/they may want company while at other times the person may want to be alone. Do not be offended if he/she/they wants to be alone.
“I’m so sorry you feel so bad.” This basic statement acknowledges the person’s pain which will usually be well-received.
“Would you like to talk about it?” This also allows the person to make the decision about whether or not he wants to talk and it also says that you are willing to be listen to him.
“Can you tell me about what depression feels like?” By stating this, you acknowledge that you want to learn about what she is going through.
“What can I do to help?” Open offers of help are very helpful and appreciated as sometimes, it is very difficult for the person may struggle with getting out of the house or even in having the energy to do basic chores and errands.
“You can cry on my shoulder if you need.” The depressed person needs to know that you can deal with the intensity of their thoughts and feelings and are willing to be there for them. If you can’t do this for them, do not offer it.
“Can I help you with ……….… (kids, chores, bringing meals, taking you to appointments, picking up your medication)?” Similar to the above, this statement is for those individuals who know a lot about the depressed person and that person’s specific needs such as picking up the kids after school or having meals prepared.
“Please tell me if I say something that that offends you.” (For tips on what NOT to say, read this article). We all try to be a support, but sometimes, we say inappropriate things. Here we acknowledge our struggles in understanding what to say and the person who is depressed is honored that you care enough to know that you may say the wrong thing.
“I’m here for you” or “I’m not going away.” Acknowledging your ongoing support is especially valuable when someone is severely depressed and fearful that others may leave her because she’s no fun/unhappy/sad/grieving, etc.
“You’re very important to me.” Reminders of how important the person is also valuable as the depressed person needs reminders that they are important to others no matter what his/her/their mental status is.
By the very fact that you are reading this article tells us that you are a caring person who wants to be a support to someone who struggles with depression. Being emotionally, physically, and spiritually present to another allows us to be compassionate and valuable to others. Please recognize that being a support also allows you to grow and heal in your own path of life.
The post 10 Things To Say To Someone Who’s Depressed appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
What Leads To Suicide And How You Can Help
The latest numbers from suicide rates are in, and they are shocking. According to the CDC, 1 person commits suicide every 12 minutes, and for every death, SAMSHA reports there are 25 more attempts. This means more than 1,125,000 Americans attempted suicide in 2016. Here’s a guide on what to look for and how you can help.
What Leads To Suicide?
Most people think mental health problems, such as depression, schizophrenia, PTSD, or borderline personality disorder, are the top indicators, but the CDC found 54% who of people who committed suicide did not have any known type of mental illness.
Suicide attempts and deaths are usually caused by a combination of risk factors. The more factors one has, the more likely one is to attempt suicide. The CDC points to the following factors (besides mental illness):
Relationship problems (42%)
Recent crisis (29%)
Substance use disorders (28%)
Physical health problems (22%)
Job and/or financial problems (16%)
Criminal/legal issues (9%)
Housing issues including homelessness (4%)
To this list we add other factors including:
A previous history of a suicide attempt(s)
A family history of suicides
History of abuse and trauma
Loneliness and lack of a family or support system
End-of-life problems such as severe health problems, terminal illness or chronic pain
Suicide Warning Signs
How can you tell if someone is contemplating suicide? According to helpguide.org, most suicidal individuals give warning signs or signals of their intentions. The best way to prevent suicide is to recognize these warning signs and know how to respond if you spot them.
Major Warning Signs Include:
Talking about killing or harming oneself
Writing or talking a lot about death or dying
Seeking out things that could be used in a suicide attempt, such as weapons and drugs
Feelings of hopelessness – talk about “unbearable” feelings – this is a strong predictor of suicide
Other warning signs that point to a suicidal mind frame include dramatic mood swings or sudden personality changes, such as going from outgoing to withdrawn or well-behaved to rebellious. A suicidal person may also lose interest in day-to-day activities, neglect his or her appearance, and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits.
How You Can Help
If you spot the suicidal warning signs in someone you care about, you may wonder if it’s a good idea to say anything. What if you’re wrong? What if the person gets angry? In such situations, it’s natural to feel uncomfortable or afraid. But anyone who talks about suicide or shows other warning signs needs immediate help—the sooner the better.
Talking To A Person About Suicide
Talking to a friend or family member about their suicidal thoughts and feelings can be extremely difficult for anyone. But if you’re unsure whether someone is suicidal, the best way to find out is to ask. You can’t make a person suicidal by showing that you care. In fact, giving a suicidal person the opportunity to express his or her feelings can provide relief from loneliness and pent-up negative feelings, and may prevent an attempt.
Ways to start a conversation about suicide:
“I have been feeling concerned about you lately.”
“Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.”
“I wanted to check in with you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately.”
Questions you can ask:
“When did you begin feeling like this?”
“Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?”
“How can I best support you right now?”
“Have you thought about getting help?”
What you can say that helps:
“You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.”
“You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.”
“I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.”
“When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage.”
If you or your loved one is in immediate danger, go to the nearest hospital or call
The Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
And always remember, there is hope. Please seek help for yourself or a loved one. Suicidal thoughts do not have to progress to an attempt.
The post What Leads To Suicide And How You Can Help appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
November 30, 2018
Study: Happiness Is So Contagious, You Could Catch It From a Stranger
From Health.com:
If your friends are happy, you’re often happy too. That’s a no-brainer. But what about your next-door neighbor—can his happiness rub off on you? A new study says yes.
Using data from the comprehensive Framingham Heart Study, James Fowler of the University of California at San Diego and Nicholas Christakis of Harvard Medical School analyzed the happiness and social networks of 4,739 people from 1983 to 2003.
After figuring out how everyone was related, the researchers looked at participants’ answers to four questions on a commonly used depression index. They found patterns of happiness among groups of friends, spouses, family members, and neighbors.
Not surprisingly, an individual’s happiness was influenced by that of the people around her. But the study, published Thursday in the British Medical Journal, also revealed that the subjects were affected by the happiness of people who were as many as three degrees removed from them.
The findings show that if you have a happy friend, you’re 15% more likely to be happy. But if a friend of a friend of a friend is happy, your chances of being happy are still about 6% greater than they would be otherwise. In other words, your friend’s buddy—even if he’s a stranger to you—may have a significant effect on your outlook on life.
“We’ve known for some time that social relationships are the best predictor of human happiness, and this paper shows that the effect is much more powerful than anyone realized,” says Daniel Gilbert, PhD, a professor of psychology at Harvard University.
Distance plays a role
Physical proximity was a strong predictor of how happiness spread in social networks. Nearby friends—those who lived within a mile of the subjects—who were happy increased a subject’s chance of being happy by 25%. Distant friends—those living more than a mile away—had no significant effect on someone’s happiness.
So the faraway folks we keep in touch with on our iPhones and Facebook pages may not have as great an influence on our emotional life as the neighbor we wave to when we take out the trash.
“This means that life is much more local than people think it is,” says John F. Helliwell, a fellow at the Canadian Institute for Advanced Research. “Modern technologies allow you to maintain these very long-distance networks, but it’s the local ones that really count.”
Sitting next to a jolly cubicle mate does not mean you’ll catch the bliss bug. The study found no relation between the happiness of coworkers. This suggests, the authors write, “that the social context might moderate the flow of happiness from one person to another”—meaning that the office environment may not be fertile ground for gleefulness to grow.
The researchers didn’t investigate why your downstairs neighbor may influence your mental state more than your sister three hours away. And because it was conducted in one New England town, the results may not translate to other communities, wrote Peter Sainsbury, the director of the Division of Population Health in the Central Sydney Area Health Service, in an editorial accompanying the study. “Perhaps Framingham [Massachusetts] was unique in some way,” he surmised. “Don’t drop your unhappy friends yet.”
Why the study matters
The discovery adds to a growing body of research that proves social networks are powerful predictors of behavior. Two recent studies found that you’re more likely to be obese or a smoker if those close to you are. The authors of the BMJ study note that those findings could have significant implications on how we approach public health. Better care for people who are ill, for example, may end up making lots of people—some of them strangers—healthier or happier.
The results are also fuel for scientists studying the importance of positive states. By understanding the conditions in which happiness spreads, they argue, we may be able to foster well-being, rather than trying to restore it once it has been lost.
“Traditionally, we’ve waited until something goes wrong and then we’ve tried to fix it,” says Helliwell. “We ought to be thinking of how to improve people’s well-being, because the things that make people happy transmit positively to their neighbors.”
Related Links:
A New Prescription for Happiness
The Real Secret to Joy
The post Study: Happiness Is So Contagious, You Could Catch It From a Stranger appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
Holiday Sobriety Survival Guide
Holiday sobriety is always a challenge. It’s officially the holiday season, and we’re racing straight towards Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza. There will be parties family gatherings, office parties, New Year’s night’s whatever, and so on. Over the years, we’ve done a lot of tip guides for how to stay safe when you’re sober and confronted with Winter’s tempting delights, and here’s another one because you can never have too many reminders on the sobriety basics.
Holiday Sobriety Needs A Boost
Your holiday sobriety needs support. Unless you are the only person on earth with a totally sane, sober family and friends, you will be confronted with things like:
People enjoying alcoholic drinks (or gingerbread) that you once loved as well.
Family discussing things that push your buttons. For example, “Susan, you’re over 35… Any plans on kids?” Or, “Jack, you STILL haven’t found a job yet??” Or, “Mary, is little Billy in public school?? Private is so much safer these days.” Any of that sound familiar? Yup, while they may mean well, it stings.
Your singleness being on display.
Your stressed relationship being on display.
Hiding your muffin top so your failed diet won’t be on display.
Seeing an ex-anything you don’t want to see.
Your kids acting up.
And more fun stuff like that.
Holiday Party Sobriety Survival Kit
So, my holiday depression-prevention guide includes:
One designated person who is around and available to take my call if necessary.
Seeing my “mentors” before going into the holiday. You can fill in the word mentor with any of the following as appropriate: sponsor, therapist, sober friend, safe friend or family member, sane/reliable resource.
A fool-proof out if I need to leave wherever I am.
Shows I’m excited to watch on my Netflix (especially comedy).
Foods I’m excited to eat in my fridge.
One date with someone special – can be romantic but doesn’t have to be if you don’t have someone in your life right now. I work with an incredible dog trainer who I’ve heard recommend many times over the years that you should make special time with your dog when you’re single. No one else will love you that unconditionally so honor them when you can. There’s no question that when I take my dog for a hike, then for a ride in the car, then make him a homemade meal; he looks at me like I’m God. That can actually go quite a long way.
Be of service. We all know showing up for other people can be a lifesaver for them and us, so take the time to check in on other sober people to make sure they’re hanging in there too.
Alright, Merry Everything! Stay safe, stay sane and stay sober 
November 29, 2018
Meth and Opioid Use On The Rise In Pregnant Women
Amphetamine and opioid use in pregnancy increased substantially over the last decade in the United States, a new study finds. And a disproportionate rise occurred in rural counties.
Pregnant patient (stock image).
Credit: © mikumistock / Fotolia
Among pregnant women in all parts of the country, amphetamine-affected births (mostly attributed to methamphetamine) doubled — from 1.2 per 1,000 hospitalizations in 2008-2009 to 2.4 per 1,000 delivery hospitalizations by 2014-2015, the new research finds.
The rate of opioid use also quadrupled from 1.5 per 1,000 delivery hospitalizations in 2004-2005 to 6.5 per 1,000 delivery hospitalizations in 2014-2015, according to the findings published in the American Journal of Public Health. The study sample included about 47million deliveries occurring in U.S. hospitals over the 12-year-period.
For pregnant women with amphetamine use, the risk of severe maternal morbidity and mortality was 1.6 times the rate identified among moms with opioid use. The incidence of preterm delivery, pre-eclampsia or eclampsia, heart failure or heart attack, and need for a blood transfusion were also higher among deliveries to moms with amphetamine use compared to opioid use.
“We know from our previous research on maternal health disparities that there are disproportionately higher rates of substance affected births in rural communities,” says lead author Lindsay Admon, M.D., M.Sc., an obstetrician-gynecologist at University of Michigan Von Voigtlander Women’s Hospital and a graduate of the National Clinician Scholar’s Program at U-M’s Institute for Healthcare Policy and Innovation.
“When we looked at the specific types of substances driving this disparity, we were surprised to find that amphetamine use accounted for such a significant portion,” Admon adds, noting that few, if any, studies have examined the incidence of amphetamine use in pregnancy in the last decade.
“Our findings suggest both amphetamine and opioid use are growing public health crises that affect delivery and birth outcomes.”
Admon, the study’s senior author Tyler Winkelman, M.D., M.Sc., and colleagues also recently examined 1.3 million hospitalizations related to amphetamines in the general adult population, finding that by 2015 amphetamine-related hospitalizations were associated with higher risk for in-hospital mortality and accounted for $2.2 billion dollars in hospital costs.
Geography influences health, recovery
An estimated 82,254 delivery hospitalizations during the decade-long study period included one or more amphetamine use diagnoses and 170,164 included one or more opioid use diagnoses.
By 2014-15, amphetamine use complicated roughly 1 percent of all deliveries in the rural West (11.2 per 1,000 hospital deliveries), which was higher than the incidence of maternal opioid use in most regions. The highest incidence of maternal opioid use was identified in the rural Northeast, complicating nearly 3 percent of all deliveries (28.7 per 1,000 hospital deliveries.)
Higher proportions of patients in both substance use groups were non-Hispanic white, from lower-income communities, and had public insurance compared to other hospital deliveries.
“Early and adequate access to prenatal care for women with substance use has been shown to improve birth outcomes,” Admon says. “However, geographic disparities have a major impact on the health and well-being of pregnant women and infants. There are significant barriers to obstetric care access in many rural communities, particularly for women with substance use.”
Barriers to treatment
Determining treatment specifically for prenatal amphetamine use is also a challenge.
While there’s gold standard medical treatment for maternal opioid use, Admon says, the evidence for amphetamine use disorder treatment among pregnant women is limited. Cessation is associated with improved birth outcomes, but obstetricians could use more guidance on how to promote cessation among their patients.
Federal efforts to curb access to precursor drugs used to make meth in the mid-2000s helped reduce amphetamine use overall, Admon notes. But as new methods were used to make the drug, meth use has again spiked.
Rural areas have the double whammy of greater access to amphetamines but less access to addiction treatment services. Further complicating the matter are laws that criminalize substance use during pregnancy that may discourage women from disclosing the concern to their health provider.
Neonatal intensive care units in rural counties may also not have adequate capacity to care for babies born with neonatal abstinence syndrome, which describe health problems a baby experiences when withdrawing from exposure to narcotics.
“We have seen a significant increase in infants born with symptoms of drug withdrawal,” says Winkelman, of Hennepin Healthcare in Minneapolis and graduate of the National Clinician Scholar’s Program at U-M’s IHPI.
“We need to devote more resources to prevent and treat substance use in pregnancy, especially in low-income and rural communities.”
Neonatal abstinence syndrome accounted for $3 billion in hospital costs between 2004 and 2014, according to another study led by Winkelman and colleagues.
More intervention needed
The new U-M-led study follows Admon’s previous research, which found that pre-existing, chronic conditions among delivering women have increased substantially and are linked to adverse birth outcomes.
Prior work by Admon and colleagues also examined racial and ethnic disparities in the incidence of behavioral health conditions, including substance use disorders. Substance use were less common among African-American and Hispanic women, but, when present, were associated with a higher risk for adverse birth outcomes compared to non-Hispanic white women.
“It is critical that health providers employ universal screening for substance use early in pregnancy,” Admon says. “Optimizing access to prenatal care is a crucial mechanism to connect women with the services they need for their health and their baby’s health.”
“We need to find better ways to prevent, detect, and treat maternal amphetamine and opioid use. Developing treatment programs that can reach women in the geographic areas most affected by these epidemics is key to improving outcomes for mothers and newborns.”
Originally published by Science Daily
Story Source:
Materials provided by Michigan Medicine – University of Michigan. Original written by Beata Mostafavi. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.
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Recovery Slogans Let It Begin With Me
New mindset new results motivational phrase sign on old wood with blurred background
Moral of the story. One was listening the other, not. Recovery Slogans Slogans are wisdom written in shorthand! Here’s the full list from AddictionZ:
Recovery Slogans
Alcoholics Anonymous Slogans
AA formally uses these Simple Slogans to assist members to recover during difficult periods.
Easy Does It
First Things First
Live and let Live
Think……Think…….Think
One Day At a Time
But for the Grace of God
Principles before Personalities
Al-Anon Family Groups Slogans
Al-Anon formally uses the above AA Slogans as well as these slogans to assist members to recover during difficult periods.
Let go and let God
This too shall pass
Let it begin with me
Just for today
Courage to change
Overeaters Anonymous Slogans
Put down the fork
Nothing tastes as good as abstinence
Abstinence is the most important thing in my life
Gamblers Anonymous Slogans
Stay away from the first bet
One day at a Time
Don’t gamble for Today
Get to Meetings
Turn it Over
Other Helpful Saying’s heard around AA and other 12 Step Rooms
Reality Checks
Where ever you go …….there you are
You are not alone
Stay sober for yourself
Look for similarities rather than differences
Remember your last drunk, use, bet etc
Remember that addiction is incurable, progressive, and fatal
It takes time to get better
Depression is anger toward inward
The lesson I must learn is simply that my control is limited to my own behavior, my own attitudes
The flip side to forgiveness is resentments
The elevator is broken——-use the ‘steps’
It isn’t the load that weighs us down——it’s the way we carry it
If I think, I won’t drink. If I drink, I can’t think
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
This is a selfish program
I drank, ate, gambled, etc: too much—too often—too long
Minds are like parachutes—-they won’t work unless they’re open
When your head begins to swell your mind stops growing
A journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step
When a person tries to control their addiction they have already lost control
Staying Abstinent
Poor me…..Poor me…… Pour me a drink!
It’s the “first” drink that gets you drunk
One alcoholic talking to another……..
Do it sober
Every recovery from addiction began with one sober Minute
The first step is the only step a person can work perfectly
You are not required to like it, you’re only required to DO IT
Your 12 step program will work if you want it to work
Keep coming back
If you want to drink—–that is your business, if you want to quit——-that is our business
Don’t compare—identify, don’t intellectualize—-utilize
Stay away from the First Drink, Drug, Bet (apply your specific addiction here)
Nothing is so bad, using won’t make it worse
Most folks commit suicide with a knife and fork (Eating disorders)
First we stayed sober because we have to… then we stay sober because we are willing to…. finally we stay sober because we want to…
One drink is too many and thousand not enough
Try not place conditions on your sobriety
Bring the body and the mind will follow
We all have another drunk left in us but we don’t know if we have another recovery in us
Be as enthusiastic about recovery as you were about your addiction
Daily Living
Be part of the solution, not part of the problem
Use the 24-hour plan
Live in the NOW
Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth
To keep it (recovery), you have to give it away
What goes around, comes around
Keep an open mind
Do the next “right thing”
If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere
To thine own self be true
There are two days in every week which we have no control over—-yesterday and tomorrow. today is the only day we can change.
When wallowing in your self-pity …… get off the cross! We need the wood
Learn a new dance – the old “Cross – Pot Shuffle” is out of vogue
Act as if………
It is not the experience of today that drives people mad—-it is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Get it —give it—grow in it
Every day is a gift that is why we call it the ‘present’
Dry and tighten up (financially)
Before engaging your mouth, put your mind in gear!
Recovery is an education without a graduation
Easy does it, but do it
When all else fails, follow directions
Addicts heal from the outside in………but feel from the inside out
Stick with the winners
Look after the Little Things
Keep coming back……….it works if you work it
Sobriety is a journey ……….not a destination
We are only as sick as our secrets
Share your happiness
Share your pain
Count your blessings
We’re responsible for the effort – not the outcome!
Sorrow is looking back, Worry is looking around
Formula for failure: try to please everyone
Humility is our acceptance of ourselves
Enjoy your Recovery
Sober `n` crazy
How does one become an “old-timer”? Don’t drink or use and don’t die!
We addict’s are ‘gifted’ people
We don’t carry the alcoholic/ addict – we carry the message
The 12 steps tell us how it works; the 12 traditions tell us why it works………
Your 12 step program won’t ………..keep you from going to hell………….nor is it a ticket to heaven…………but it will………..keep u sober long enough………for you to make up your mind……………which way you want to go!
The person with the most sobriety at a meeting is the one who got up earliest that morning
Humility is not thinking less of yourself; It is thinking of yourself less.
Denial
What if………
Yeah but……
If only …….
Remember when…………
Around recovery or “in” recovery?
In action we got sympathy—–as long as our money lasted.
Your 12 step program never opened the gates of heaven to let you in, It did open the gates of hell to let you out
Danger sign: when your eyes have wandered from the alcoholic who still suffers and needs help—–to the faults of those whom the program has already helped!
There are none too dumb for the 12 step program – but many are too smart
I want what I want, when I want it
Alcoholism is the only disease that tells you you’re all right
The first step in overcoming mistakes is to admit them
Knowledge of “the answers” never made anyone slip—it was failing to practice “the answers” that were known.
Higher Power
I can’t ………He can……….I think I’ll let him (steps 1,2,3)
If it works………Don’t fix it
Recovery is not something you join, it’s a way of life
Expect miracles!
God is never late
Courage is faith that has said its prayers
There is a God and I am not it
Faith is a lighted doorway, trust is a darkened hall
We had to quit playing god
There are no atheists in foxholes
Possibilities and miracles are one in the same
The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you
When we surrender to our higher power, the journey begins
I came -I came to – I came to believe
Faith without works is dead
Get out of the driver’s seat…….let go and let God
Fear is the absence of faith
When man listens, God speaks; when man obeys, God works
The task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us
If God seems far away, who moved?
If faith without works is dead; then ………willingness without action is fantasy
Turn it over, the results are in god’s hand
Willpower = our will-ingness to use a higher power
Remember nothing is going to happen today that you and God can’t handle
Man’s extremity is god’s opportunity
AA = Altered Attitudes
I can’t handle it God; you take over
God answers “knee mails”
Backsliding begins when knee-bending ends
Spirituality is the ability to get our minds off ourselves
There is no chemical solution to a spiritual problem
Faith is our greatest gift; sharing it with others our greatest responsibility
Serenity
Respect the anonymity of others
Try to replace guilt with gratitude
Let go of old ideas
Change is a process, not an event
Take what you can use and leave the rest
The price for serenity and sanity is self-sacrifice
You can’t give away what you don’t have
There are 12 steps in the ladder of complete sobriety
Sponsorship
Sponsors: have one—–use one—–be one
When you are a sponsor, you get out of yourself
If I serve, I will be served
Call your sponsor
Make use of the telephone therapy
Call your sponsor before, not after, you take the first drink
Help is only a phone call away
There are no coincidences in recovery
It works ——-it really does!
Your Big Book is your sponsor too
Willingness is the key
More will be revealed
Be nice to newcomers ………one day they may be your sponsor
“You will intuitively know” AA Promises click here to read the AA Promises in full
You will be amazed
12 step programs are a school in which we are all learners and all teachers
No pain………no gain
You either is——-or you ain’t (clean)
Some of us our sicker than others
We’re all here because we’re not all there
Alcoholism / addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer
The road to sobriety is a simple journey for confused people with a complicated disease
Pass it on
You received without cost, now give without charge
It’s in the book
Before you say: I can’t …………say I’ll try
Don’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens
Practice an attitude of gratitude
Another friend of Bill W’s (Bill Wilson is the co-founder of AA )
God will never give you more than you can handle
Have a good day unless of course you have made other plans
Decisions aren’t forever
90 meetings in 90 days………90/90
Don’t drink, don’t think, read the Big Book, and go to meetings
Recovery Acronyms and Word Associations
H.A.L.T. – hungry, angry, lonely, tired Stop everything and get back into recovery
H.O.W – honesty, open-mindedness and willingness
Kiss—keep it simple sweetie
Anger is but one letter away from danger
Fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed
FEAR (f— everything and run)
Faith is spelled ……………a-c-t-i-o-n
We can be positive that our drinking was negative
The 7t’s —take time to think the thing through
EGO – Edge God Out
The 3 T’s of gratitude to repay for our sobriety: our time, our talent, our treasure
Keep your sobriety first, to make it last
Fear stands for Frustration
Carry the Message
The only thing we take from this world when we leave is what we gave away
We give it away to keep it
Trust god………clean house……..help others
There are members who MAKE things happen there are members who WATCH things happen there are members who DON’T KNOW anything happen WHICH ARE YOU ?
Relationships
Active alcoholics don’t have relationships; they take hostages
“zipper slipper”
There is a “slip” under every skirt – (an oldie from the politically incorrect days of AA that still is important today)
The lesson I must learn is simply that my control is limited to my own behavior, my own attitudes
The Tools Of Recovery
12 step Meetings – Attend at least one meeting a week
Plan of Recovery – Draw up a schedule of daily recovery actions with your sponsors help
Telephone – Use the telephone with other 12 step members to avoid Isolation and keep clean
Sponsor – Get a sponsor and Be a sponsor
Writing – Put things down on paper instead of letting them roll around in your head
Service – Set up the meeting room, chair a meeting, clean up the room after the meeting, greet newcomers.
Anonymity – Practice the non-use of gossip to make yourself feel better
Approved Literature – Read the approved 12 step literature
Spirituality
Spirituality is the ability to get our minds off ourselves
Bend your knees before you bend your elbow
GOD = God Orderly Direction
Accept your admission and get a new attitude
There is no magic in recovery only miracles
The road to disappointment is paved with expectation
A “coincidence” is a miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous
It’s a pity we can’t forget our troubles the same way we forget our blessings
We are not human beings having spiritual experiences; we are spiritual beings having human experiences
If it isn’t God’s will …………I can’t make it happen
If it is meant to be………..I can’t stop it
Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth
Religion is for those who fear god………spirituality is for those who have been to hell and back
You are exactly where God wants you to be
To be forgiven – we must forgive
Time wasted in getting even can never be used in getting ahead
Be careful what you pray for; you’re liable to get it
If you turn it over and don’t let go of it, you will be upside down.
Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm
Trying to pray is praying
Sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised
God taught us to laugh again but God please don’t let us forget that we once cried
Faith is not belief without proof but trust without reservation
Meetings
A 12 step meeting is where losers get together to talk about their winnings
What you hear and see here, stays here!
AA is the highest priced club in the world………if you have paid the dues, why not enjoy the benefits?
Chair a meeting
Share your experience, strength and hope, not just your garbage
Isolation is a killer, use your telephone list, come to an extra meeting, reach out and help the newcomer or struggling member.
Each and every alcoholic / addict —-sober or not—-teaches us some valuable lessons about ourselves and recovery
When you do all the talking you only learn what you already know
Seven days without a meeting makes one WEAK
AA has a wrench to fit every nut that walks through a meeting room door
12 step programs may not solve all your problems but are willing to share them
The time to attend a meeting is when you least feel like going
AA Saying’s
Don’t watch the “slippers” but watch those who don’t slip closely and watch them go through difficulties and pull through
Work the program from the waist up
Some people are so successful in AA that they turn out to be almost as good as they used to think they were when they were drinking.
AA spoils your drinking!
In AA we get understanding——for nothing!
Anonymity is so important it’s half of our name
Even my worst day in sobriety / clean is better than my best day drunk / using
When all else fails………the directions are in the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)
If we don’t grow, we gotta go
Read AA approved literature. Other books and materials, while they may be excellent, are usually only one individuals slant on a subject.
All you need to start your own AA meeting is a resentment and a coffee pot!!
Why recovery never ends: the disease is alcoholISm, not alcoholWASM!
The AA way of life is meant to be bread for daily use, not cake for special occasions
The smartest thing an AA member can say is, ” help me “
It takes the good and bad AA meeting—-the good and bad AA talk —–to make the fellowship “work”
3 A’s in AA—–affection (thoughtfulness) —–attention (listening) —–appreciation (gratitude)
Slippers in AA use the RDP—revolving door policy
AA works for people who believe in god AA works for people who don’t believe in god AA NEVER works for people who believe they ARE god
The AA Promises
THE PROMISES
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. The will always materialize if we work for them.
Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition p. 84
The Addicts Paradoxes:
From weakness (adversity) comes strength
We forgive to be forgiven
We suffer to get well
We surrender to win
We die to live
From darkness comes light
From dependence we found independence
Wolf Parable
An elder Apache was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them,”A fight is going on inside me; it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person too.”
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Grandpa simply replied, “The one you feed.
Are you feeding your addiction or your recovery?
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problems at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a LIFETIME. AlAnon
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How Detachment Empowers
In recovery we talk about letting go and detaching, but we don’t often add that detachment empowers. How can it empower when it seems the very opposite? It doesn’t seem to make sense. For loved ones and family members letting go can feel like having to abandon the very deepest beliefs that we hold. For me, it’s still as hard and anguish-making as….well, as it is for any substance user not to quit his or her drug of choice Why is detachment from this disease so hard?
I’d say without my beliefs and actions, how do I know who I am? How do I know I’m a good person? How do I show I care? How can I keep the bad things from happening?
5 Myths Parents Can’t Help Believing:
Caring means taking action whenever there is a problem.
Loving requires complete attention, which often translates into dropping everything whenever issues come up and listening no matter what.
Being good parents requires self-sacrifice. That may mean skimping to give an adult child things he or she needs. Or postponing activities or fun things because a loved one needs them. For different parents self-sacrifice means different things.
Parents are responsible for keeping adult children alive no matter what the circumstances.
You can only be as happy as your saddest child.
For parents (or other loved ones) who believe the above myths, it requires a real emotional overhaul to think, let alone behave, any other way. Those five myths were the guides of my life, filled my head, and changed me into someone no one wants to be. As an enmeshed parent, I was no help to anyone.
So What Was In My Head Before Addiction Took Me Hostage?
I loved the ridiculous.
I laughed and mugged around a lot. People thought I was funny.
I danced to the music and played the piano. I sang with the radio.
I was preoccupied with orchids, gardens, weeds, bread-making. Seasonal bounty.
I really liked food.
I cried at the drop of a hat: GE commercials never failed to make me cry.
I wrote about murder and mayhem, but not about substance use.
I didn’t feel myself changing into a different person altogether. I just slowly stopped loving the ridiculous. I didn’t feel funny, didn’t sing or play the piano. I didn’t water the plants. They all died, and I didn’t care. I stopped being a very diligent house cleaner. And I couldn’t even cry because crying meant I wasn’t up to the bigger task that was now set for me, which was to be perfectly totally vigilant in every way so the unthinkable, unbearable disaster wouldn’t happen to us. That was my job. And that’s magical thinking.
You know we have no control over happens, right? And you also know that trying to perfect is far from perfection. In fact, it’s the opposite. Plus you lose whatever self was you.
What How Detachment Empowers
So, What does detaching and letting go look like for me? The first and foremost thing is allowing myself to trust that my loved ones can take over their own controls. That’s not detachment. It’s empowerment. I still love and care for and do positive things; but my head, and body, can go to the beach now. And my private headspace can fill up with….whatever nonsense appeals. Does that mean I can sing, dance and be funny again. Yes, I am funny and ridiculous again. And yes, if you really must know detaching was tumultuous and messy, and sometimes it looked as if we would not reach the recovery we all longed for. There was a lot of anger and fear, and not speaking, and lonely times. But detachment empowered us and brought us back together again in a much healthier way.
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An Understudied Form Of Child Abuse And ‘Intimate Terrorism’: Parental Alienation
From Science Daily:
According to Colorado State University social psychologist Jennifer Harman, about 22 million American parents have been the victims of behaviors that lead to something called parental alienation. Having researched the phenomenon for several years, Harman is urging psychological, legal and child custodial disciplines to recognize parental alienation as a form of both child abuse and intimate partner violence. Harman has authored a review article in Psychological Bulletin defining the behaviors associated with parental alienation and advocating for more research into its prevalence and outcomes.
The scene: a bitter divorce, and a custody battle over the couple’s 7-year-old son. Awarded full custody, the mother — perhaps seeking revenge? — sets out to destroy the son’s relationship with his father. The mother tells the son lies about the father’s behavior, plants seeds of doubt about his fitness as a parent, and sabotages the father’s efforts to see his son. The son begins to believe the lies; as he grows up, his relationship with his father becomes strained.
According to Colorado State University social psychologist Jennifer Harman, about 22 million American parents, like that fictional father, have been the victims of behaviors that lead to something called parental alienation. Having researched the phenomenon for several years, Harman is urging psychological, legal and child custodial disciplines to recognize parental alienation as a form of both child abuse and intimate partner violence.
An associate professor in CSU’s Department of Psychology, Harman has authored a review article in Psychological Bulletin defining the behaviors associated with parental alienation and advocating for more research into its prevalence and outcomes. She and her co-authors explain how these behaviors are the source of long-term negative consequences for the psychological health and well-being of children and adults all over the world.
“We have to stop denying this exists,” said Harman, who previously co-authored a book about parental alienation with Zeynep Biringen, a professor in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies. “You have to treat an alienated parent like an abused person. You have to treat the child like an abused child. You take the child out of that abusive environment. You get treatment for the abusive parent, and you put the child in a safe environment — the healthier parent.”
In their new paper, Harman and co-authors Edward Kruk of University of British Columbia and Denise Hines of Clark University categorize parental alienation as an outcome of aggressive behaviors directed toward another individual, with the intent to cause harm. They draw direct lines between widely recognized patterns of abuse, like emotional or psychological aggression, and the behavior of alienating parents.
For example, psychological aggression is a common form of child maltreatment that involves “attacking a child’s emotional and social well-being.” In a similar manner, alienating parents terrorize their children by targeting the other parent, purposely creating fear that the other parent might be dangerous or unstable — when no evidence of such danger exists. Alienating parents will further reject, shame or guilt-trip their children for showing loyalty or warmth to the other parent.
The authors also argue that such alienating behaviors are abusive to the targeted parent, and they liken these behaviors to more familiar forms of intimate partner violence between spouses or dating partners.
Harman is an expert in power dynamics in human relationships. Her research has found that parental alienation is similar to what’s known as “intimate terrorism.” Intimate terrorism is chiefly characterized by a lopsided power dynamic, in which one partner subjugates the other through intimidation, coercion, or threats of (or actual) physical violence. Such a scenario is distinct from situational couple violence, in which both partners have relatively equal power in the relationship but cannot get along and resort to physical or emotional violence.
Analogously, children are used as weapons in the form of intimate terrorism known as parental alienation, Harman argues. The power imbalance in such intimate terrorism can be seen in custody disputes, in which one parent is awarded full custody of a child. This parent wields that court-ordained power to subjugate the other parent by withholding contact or actively seeking to destroy the other parent’s relationship with the child.
The family court systems see these situations every day, Harman says, but judges, lawyers and social workers aren’t attuned to the prevalence of parental alienation as child abuse or intimate partner abuse. Instead, such situations are regarded as simple custody disputes, or the inability of the parents to get along.
Harman says she’s hopeful her reframing of parental alienation will spur other social scientists to continue studying the problem. More research into this particular form of family violence will bring greater awareness, and may marshal resources to better identify and stop such behaviors.
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November 28, 2018
Cassey Ho Created A Timeline Of Ideal Body Types To Illustrate The Ridiculousness Of Beauty Standards
From Daily Health Buzz:
The Kardashian family is, arguably, the collective royalty of social media—and the onslaught of butt workouts, waist trainers, and detox teas promising to score you Kim and Khloé’s genetic hip-to-waist ratio is proof of just how potent their influence has been. Though curvy figures like theirs are in vogue now, they haven’t always been the “to-die-for” body type. In fact, it’s easy to forget how much beauty standards have changed over time.
For the last few decades, the “ideal” female body has continuously changed—like fashion trends—to reflect pop culture. And, although chasing this changing beauty standard is totally fruitless, many women still feel like they need to look a certain way to feel beautiful.
To draw attention to just how ridiculous that is, Cassey Ho, the fitness diva behind Blogilates, recently took to Instagram to serve up a reality check. In two photoshopped photos of herself, Ho morphs her body (with the help of some sort of editing app) to fit the ideal body standard of today and that of various times through history. “If I had the ‘perfect’ body throughout history, this is what I’d look like,” she wrote alongside the photos.
She continued by breaking down exactly how society’s aesthetic ideals have changed over the decades, starting with the 2010s era (aka right now). “Big butts, wide hips, tiny waists, and full lips are in,” she wrote. “There is a huge surge in plastic surgery for butt implants thanks to Instagram models posting ‘belfies.’ Even cosmetic surgery doctors have become Instagram-famous for reshaping women. Between 2012–2014, butt implants and injections rise by 58 percent.”
Take it back a decade (to the mid ’90s and 2000s) and, “big boobs, flat stomachs, and thighs gaps” were in, Ho noted. “In 2010, breast augmentation is the highest performed cosmetic surgery in the United States,” she wrote.
The ’90s, on the other hand, were all about being “thin,” and “having angular bone structure,” wrote Ho. Hop back a few more decades, and you’ll notice the ’50s were the age of the hourglass shape. “Elizabeth Taylor’s 36-21-36 measurements were the ideal,” she wrote. “Women were advertised weight gaining pills to fill themselves out.”
Rewind to the ’20s and, “appearing boyish, androgynous and youthful, with minimal breasts, and a straight figure” was the trend. During this time, women were choosing to hide their curves by “binding their chests with strips of cloth to create that straight figure suitable for flapper dresses.” Finally, if you go as far back as the Italian Renaissance, Ho points out that, “looking full with a rounded stomach, large hips, and an ample bosom” was the status quo. “Being well fed was a sign of wealth and status,” she wrote. “Only the poor were thin.”
While what is considered attractive has changed considerably over time, one thing has remained the same: the pressure for women to fit the mold. But by breaking things down, Ho hopes that women will realize that the pressure to conform is often unrealistic, not to mention unhealthy.
This is true, not only in relation to the decade you live in but also where you live. As we’ve previously reported, the “perfect body” ideal is actually different all around the world. While Chinese women feel pressure to be stick thin, those in Venezuela and Columbia are celebrated for their curves and even prefer a body type that would be in the “overweight” BMI range.
The takeaway: Trying to fit an idealistic aesthetic is a lose-lose situation for women.
As Ho puts it: “Why do we treat our bodies like we treat fashion? ‘Boobs are out! Butts are in!’ Well, the reality is, manufacturing our bodies is a lot more dangerous than manufacturing clothes. Stop throwing your body out like it’s fast fashion.”
At the end of the day, regardless of what your body might look like, it’s far more important to practice healthy habits and take care of the skin you’re in. “Please treat your body with love & respect and do not succumb to the beauty standard,” says Ho. “Embrace your body because it is YOUR own perfect body.”
No matter the time or place, self-love is always ~in~.
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U.S. Life Expectancy Dropped For The Third Year And Drugs and Suicide Are Partly To Blame
U.S. life expectancy dropped in 2017 for the third consecutive year, as deaths by suicide and drug overdose continue to claim more American lives.
The average American could expect to live to 78.6 years old in 2017, down from 78.7 in 2016, according to data released Thursday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS). That decline may be modest, but it marks the third year in a row that life expectancy at birth has fallen — a noteworthy phenomenon, since the previous multiyear drop recorded by the NCHS was in the early 1960s.
The modern trend seems to be propelled by steady increases in deaths by suicide and drugs, according to the new data. Upticks in deaths by suicide and accidental injuries (including drug overdoses), as well as due to conditions including Alzheimer’s disease, stroke, influenza and pneumonia, have outpaced reductions in fatal heart disease and cancer, the country’s two leading causes of death. All together, the U.S. death rate rose by 0.4% from 2016 to 2017, going from 728.8 deaths per 100,000 people to 731.9.
Drug overdoses alone took 70,237 lives in 2017, the highest number ever recorded for a single year. While that number corresponds to a 9.6% increase in the death rate, it’s much smaller than the 21% jump recorded between 2015 and 2016 — perhaps a sign that the nation’s substance abuse epidemic may be starting to stabilize. Preliminary data released last month also said drug overdose deaths have fallen over the last year.
Still, drugs — namely opioids such as heroin — continue to be a considerable cause of fatalities. And synthetic opioids, such as fentanyl, are a growing problem: The rate of overdose deaths involving these drugs rose by 45% from 2016 to 2017.
Deaths by suicide, meanwhile, rose by 3.7% between 2016 and 2017, according to the new report. While still relatively uncommon, suicides accounted for 14 deaths per 100,000 people in the U.S. last year. In 1999, by contrast, that number was around 10.5 per 100,000 people.
Increases have been particularly pronounced among women, even though most people who die by suicide are male. The female suicide rate rose by 53% between 1999 and 2017, compared to 26% for men. Past CDC data has shown particularly worrisome increases among teen girls, for whom the suicide rate rose by approximately 70% between 2010 and 2016.
The new data is sobering, but the continuing declines in heart disease and cancer deaths provide a silver lining. While the reduction in heart disease deaths was fairly minor last year, the cancer death rate fell by 2.1% — a trend likely reflective of better screening and detection, tumbling smoking rates, expanded vaccination against HPV-related cancers and other public health advances.
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