Leslie Glass's Blog, page 289

Confessions Of A Newbie Meditator: What I Learned After 31 Days Of Guided Meditation

From Yoga Journal:

Meditation has been on my back-burner health to-do list. For months, it’s been right there with removing sugar from my diet, taking a shot of apple cider vinegar every day, and oil pulling each morning. All health goals with good intentions—and ones I haven’t been able to commit to.

Which is why I jumped at the chance to try Yoga Journal’s meditation challenge. I’ve read about the numerous benefits of meditation, from enhanced concentration to stress release. I thought the accountability of this challenge would once and for all catalyze a consistent practice.

In fact, when I started this challenge in early January, it seemed like one of the simpler ‘challenges’ I’d do: Sit down, listen to a guided meditation, and boom, 15 to 20 minutes later I’m done.

As all of you regular meditators out there know, I was misguided in my thoughts of how easy it would be!

So, if you are trying the guided meditation challenge yourself, here are some guidelines that most helped me:

1. Timing is Everything

The biggest obstacle for me initially was finding a consistent time of day to meditate. I drive 45 min each way to get to work, which means I wake up at 6 a.m. each morning, leave for work at 8 a.m., arrive home around 7 p.m., and eat dinner around 7:30 p.m.. I try to force myself to be in bed by 8:30 p.m. so I can read or journal before turning the lights out.

When does this leave me time to meditate, you wonder? Here’s what I tried:

My guided meditations in the evening

I’m a natural night owl, which is why I initially thought meditating in the evening would be best. I could wind down after work and meditate before eating dinner. Yet by 7:30 p.m. most nights, I was starving, and decided to put off my guided meditations until 8 p.m. Not a good call: After a long day (and long commute), the last thing I wanted to do was another to-do, so I quickly abandoned my nighttime meditation plan.

Then, I tried a few guided meditations at the office

I’ve read a few articles about how some people find time to meditate at work. Work is typically the most stressful part most people’s days—so it makes sense to me that interrupting stress with meditation would be effective. One day during my first week of the meditation challenge, I escaped to a small conference room around lunchtime to meditate. (Granted, I work for Yoga Journal, so didn’t worry about skeptical stares peering in on me through the windows—a luxury I know not everyone has!) After my first lunchtime guided meditation at the office, I decided to stick to it for a week. Overall, it was nice in theory—but if I’m honest, I also felt guilty being away from my inbox and colleagues for those 10 minutes, so I can’t say it was my most relaxing meditation sessions.

Morning meditation sessions turned out to be best

When I started this challenge, I avoided incorporating meditation into my morning at all costs. After working out in the a.m., I have just 35 minutes to get out the door. Needless to say, it’s a rushed get-ready routine. Then, I had an ah-ha moment: I realized because my mornings are so hectic, mornings may be exactly the time to insert my guided meditation practice. After evaluating my a.m. routine even more, I was able to pinpoint moments I was being mindless. Whether it’s catching up on SNL video clips, scrolling through Pinterest (yes, I still enjoy a good Pinterest sesh), or reading one of the many articles my mother sends to our family group chat, I realized I could find at least 10 minutes to sit comfortably and listen to a guided meditation. So, for the remainder of January, I settled down to meditate after my workout and shower.

As a beginner meditator, I found it extremely helpful to meditate after a good workout. My body was just tired enough that my mind found it easier to relax and focus on the present. Finding the right time for me made the experience so much more enjoyable. Keep in mind, it might not be easy to just incorporate into your regular daily routine. (Warning: Mindless social media scrolling may need to be cut!) But one of the biggest lessons I learned is that the routine of meditating is crucial if you want to stay consistent.

My Favorite Guided Meditation Tools

One of the best parts of Yoga Journal’s meditation challenge was being able to explore the different tools and applications that guide us through meditation. I know our culture is currently digitally obsessed—but what a great use of technology! The applications help us detach from the craziness of being glued to our screens and inspire us to just sit and breathe. A little ironic? Sure. But also very convenient!

Here are the guided meditation apps I tried, and what I thought of each:

YogCar

Initially, I thought this application would be best to use since I spend so much of my weekday in the car. I’m already sitting down, so why not utilize this time in the car to be more mindful? The app walks you through different simple stretches with relaxing music. I found this helped me be a little more present on my drive—but it didn’t necessarily qualify as meditation to me. The audio reminded me numerous times to keep focused on the road and not become too relaxed, which I greatly appreciated. But it didn’t meet my goals to become more aware of my thoughts and more comfortable sitting with my breath.

Headspace and Calm

Next, I tried two different meditation apps: Headspace and Calm. I found both of these helpful in my journey to learn exactly what exactly meditation is. Headspace provided a 10-Day Basics course and allowed me to choose from 3-, 5-, or 10-minute sessions. I appreciated this since, as a beginner, 3-5 minutes was plenty for me. This course also has little animations, which helped me visualize different elements of meditation better.

After the 10 days, I felt accomplished and ready to move on Calm’s “7 Days of Calm.” I’m glad I used this app second, since the Calm meditations are around 10 minutes, and that would’ve felt too hard for me at the start of my journey. While 7 Days of Calm was similar to Headspace’s Basics course, it had the added bonus of giving me a concrete intention of what to focus on each session, which I often carried with me throughout my day.

The Ultimate Secret to Sticking to Meditation: Ritual

When I roll out my mat for a yoga class, the rubber of my mat alone grounds me. I associate my mat and nestling my forehead into Child’s Pose with feelings of relaxation and rejuvenation. I knew I had to create the same safe, sanctuary-like space for my meditation practice in order for it to stick, so for each guided meditation session during my last week of the challenge, I set up my space very intentionally: I propped my meditation cushion next to my mala beads and used my alarm clock light along with my bedside lamp to create a soft glow in my room; I turned on my essential oil diffuser and inserted whichever scents called to me; I changed into super-soft, comfy clothes; then, I began my practice.

What I learned is that creating this mini ritual helped me relax a bit before my guided meditation even began and set my mind and body up for the practice.

Overall, I found this meditation challenge, well, challenging. Yet it had profound effects—including the boost in concentration and stress release I’d read about at the start.

As a beginner, I’m grateful for the technology that allows me to access meditation so easily and regularly. I ended up buying a subscription to the Calm meditation app and am excited to continue my meditation journey and practice.

The post Confessions Of A Newbie Meditator: What I Learned After 31 Days Of Guided Meditation appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Vera Bradley Partners With New Hope Girls

From GlobeNewswire: The iconic women’s fashion and lifestyle brand, has partnered with New Hope Girls, a Dominican Republic-based non-profit organization, to create a limited-edition collection, Vera Bradley x New Hope Girls, set to launch on International Women’s Day, March 8, 2019.

The Vera Bradley x New Hope Girls collection will include a hobo bag ($55) and travel pouch ($15). Both styles were designed and sewn by New Hope Girls artisans and feature a colorful Vera Bradley floral print created exclusively for the partnership. In addition, Vera Bradley will donate $25,000 to New Hope Girls.

“Empowering women and caring for those in need has been at the heart of Vera Bradley’s culture since the very beginning, so there is great synergy between our brand and what New Hope Girls is doing to improve the lives of women and girls in the Dominican Republic,” noted Rob Wallstrom, CEO of Vera Bradley. “Vera Bradley couldn’t be happier to support New Hope Girls and bring awareness to their organization with our Vera Bradley x New Hope Girls collection in celebration of International Women’s Day.”

Vera Bradley’s friendship with New Hope Girls began in 2016 when the Company helped the organization renovate its on-site shipping containers into a fully-equipped, self-sustaining industrial sewing workshop that currently employs seven sewers. The Company continues to champion New Hope Girls’ cause by offering ongoing business mentoring.

“Since our very beginning, a facility of our own was something we prayed for and dreamed of. In 2016 we were able to realize that dream with the help of Vera Bradley. Our workshop is so much more than just the place where our New Hope Girls product is produced. It has become a sacred space for our women to come and grow not only as artisans, but also as individuals who are in their own process of transformation and beauty,” said Joy Reyes, Executive Director of New Hope Girls.

“Every woman and girl that enters our care has a ‘before’ and an ‘after.’ Each one is a powerful testimony of healing and hope. When you buy a New Hope Girls bag, you become part of our story and help us rescue girls and empower women,” Reyes added.

Vera Bradley x New Hope Girls will be available in Vera Bradley stores and on verabradley.com beginning Friday, March 8. For more updates on Vera Bradley, follow the brand at @VeraBradley on Instagram and Twitter.

More About New Hope Girls

New Hope Girls is a non-profit organization that provides jobs for vulnerable women and refuge for girls rescued out of the darkest places in the Dominican Republic. Women sew and create beautiful bags in the New Hope Girls workshop, with 100% of the proceeds supporting the New Hope Girls safe house. The organization’s mission is to “create a place of light and life for girls and women from dark and difficult places, restoring identity and purpose for the future.” For more information about New Hope Girls, visit www.newhopegirls.co or follow at @newhope.girls on Instagram and New Hope Girls on Facebook.

More About Vera Bradley

Vera Bradley is a leading designer of women’s handbags, luggage and travel items, fashion and home accessories and unique gifts. Founded in 1982 by friends Barbara Bradley Baekgaard and Patricia R. Miller, the brand’s innovative designs, iconic patterns and brilliant colors continue to inspire and connect women unlike any other brand in the global marketplace. The Company’s commitment to bringing more beauty into women’s lives includes its dedication to breast cancer research through the Vera Bradley Foundation for Breast Cancer in which they have raised over $30 million to date. For more information about Vera Bradley, visit www.verabradley.com.

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Tiny Homes Help Moms Break Addiction

From Larissa Marulli @ The Things.com: A tiny home community in northern California is focused on helping single mothers break the cycles of addiction and homelessness.

Acres of Hope in Auburn, California is a one of a kind recovery center that aims to keep struggling mothers with their children while they make the necessary progress to get their lives back together. They’re a non-profit foundation that relies heavily on donations and volunteers for these women to succeed.

Women can live in one of ten homes on the property while regaining custody of their children all the while receiving the treatment they need. They’re dedicated to offering these tools often results in lifelong transformations. The homes sit on an idyllic piece of land surrounded by trees. It’s bright and cheerful and just what these families need. It’s safe and clean as well.

Few recovery places allow children to live with their mothers but it’s often a strong motivation to succeed. The center is faith-based and women can live there for up to two years. During that time they can finish their education and also receive access to higher paying jobs. The women will also undergo the appropriate treatment needed to address the causes of their addiction and give them the tools to move beyond their battles and hopefully never find themselves in the situation again.

The children benefit from this as much, if not more so, then the mothers. Many of these kids have lived through foster care and the traumatizing situations of being separated from their parents. Some have also lived with their mothers on the streets and seen their addiction firsthand.

Children thrive on routine and are often happiest with their biological mothers. They need their mothers to feel safe and loved, and mothers need their children to know they can make these changes for the benefit of their whole family. Acres of Hope offers a certain stability that other programs lack allowing for real change.

Tiny homes and these communities have exploded in recent years. The trend is focused on low-cost living but also surrounding yourself with like-minded people. Acres of Hope uses the small homes to house these women and the close quarters to provide unparalleled support.

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Five Minutes A Day Keeps Negative Self-Talk Away

From Andrea Brandt Ph.D. M.F.T. @ Psychology Today: Your pattern and style of self-talk most likely originate from the way your parents or caregivers spoke to and treated you.

If your mother was overly critical, always finding something negative to scold you about—the one “C” on an otherwise stellar report card, for example—your self-talk might be highly critical, too. If your father left you and your family when you were a child, your self-talk might include things like, “People I love will always leave me.”

Maybe your parents invalidated your emotions, so now you can’t listen to, or you ignore the messages your emotions send you, and you no longer trust your instincts. Or your parents showered praise on you at every turn, so when you got into the real world, and you discovered you’re not the most beautiful, talented, genius in the world (no one is!), your self-esteem was shattered, and you no longer trust anyone who compliments you.

Quieting negative self-talk won’t happen overnight. There’s no one magic word or phrase you can say to yourself to make you instantly regain your confidence. A single mantra may be helpful sometimes, but when your negative self-talk is debilitating, it isn’t enough. What you need are multiple, positive messages repeatedly said to yourself over time until they become second-nature.

To silence the voice that comes from the bad messages your parents sent you, you have to replace them with the good messages you should have received. For example: “I love you.” “I’ll take care of you.” “I am proud of you.”

To start, write a list of messages you wish you had heard or learned when you were a child. If you need help, you can try this list from Jack Lee Rosenberg, the founder of integrative body psychotherapy:

I love you.
I want you.
You are special to me.
I see you, and I hear you.
I’ll take care of you.
My love will make you well.
It is not what you do but who you are that I love.
I love you, and I will give you permission to be different from me.
I’ll be there for you; I will be there even when you die.
You can trust me.
You can trust your inner voice.
Sometimes I will tell you “no,” and that’s because I love you.
I accept and cherish your love.
You don’t have to be afraid anymore.
You don’t have to be alone anymore.
I will set limits, and I am willing to enforce them.
If you fall down, I will pick you up.
I am proud of you.
I have confidence in you. I am sure you will succeed.
I give you permission to be the same as I am, to be more or less.
You are beautiful/handsome.
I give you permission to be a sexual being.
I give you permission to love and enjoy your sexuality with a partner of your choice and not lose me.

Each week write one message on an index card and tape it to your bathroom mirror. Once in the morning and once in the evening, read the message to your reflection. It’s important to read it as if you’re a parent speaking to the child version of yourself. This is different from the typical mantra. You want to say to yourself, “If you fall down, I will pick you up” rather than “I will pick myself up when I fall down.” The idea is to parent yourself. To treat yourself and speak to yourself like your caregivers should have.

If one message feels especially strange to say, spend some time journaling about why that may be. It’s a strong sign that it’s a message so absent from how you were parented that it feels foreign to say aloud. For example, if sex was something your caregiver never wanted to speak to you about or they made you feel ashamed of your sexual orientation, saying “I give you permission to be a sexual being” might feel like a bizarre message for a parent to send a child. It isn’t! If you get stuck on one, consider spending an extra week on it.

Once you have repeated these messages enough, they should integrate into your regular self-talk, hopefully replacing some of the negative things you say to yourself. This process takes time, and it may feel awkward at first, but I promise it works.

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Star Chef On Beating Alcoholism And Sobriety

From Julia Kramer @ Bon Appetit: A couple weeks ago I interviewed the chef-owners of Joe Beef, David McMillan and Fred Morin, at Books Are Magic in Brooklyn about their new book: Joe Beef: Surviving the Apocalypse. Midway through the Q&A, the two chefs—who are legendary, along with their iconic Montreal restaurant, for bacchanalian-level eating and drinking—began discussing their recent sobriety and how it has impacted the culture of their restaurants. They spoke with such candor that I asked McMillan to talk more. Here’s what he had to say.

I was never falling-down drunk. I was never belligerent. I always got my work done. I was never unkempt. I was always clean, I was always shaved, I always performed at work. I was always kind and gracious in the dining room. But I lived in hell.

When we opened Joe Beef in 2005, we were inspired by Martin Picard at Au Pied de Cochon, by these grandiose bistros of Paris, by seafood towers, by excess. We were two portly men who ate and drank well. I was and still am very insecure about anybody coming to the restaurant and not having a spectacular meal. I want people to drink and eat to excess. I promote it.

The community of people I surrounded myself with ate and drank like Vikings. It worked well in my twenties. It worked well in my thirties. It started to unravel when I was 40. I couldn’t shut it off. All of a sudden, there was no bottle of wine good enough for me. I’m drinking, like, literally the finest wines of the world. Foie gras is not exciting. Truffles are meh. I don’t want lobster; I had it yesterday. What am I looking for, eating and drinking like this every day?

I started asking myself questions about alcoholism. What was I showing my children by eating and drinking like a Viking in front of them at the cottage? I wasn’t acting on many opportunities because I was hungover most of the time. I was medicating with food. I was medicating with alcohol. And finally it just got to a point where I was just really unhappy. My managers knew it, my staff knew it, and it strained my personal life at home. I Googled “Stop drinking,” “How do you stop drinking?,” “Are there pills you can take to stop drinking?” I’ve done a thousand Google searches over five years. I’ve tried to quit drinking 100 times and failed 110 times.

It was a gift for me when I realized: I’m done. I was either at one restaurant medicating or at another one medicating or another one medicating. I think all my managers got together one day and realized I was always medicating somewhere. A little over a year ago, they interventioned me and sent me off to a rehab center that a few friends had gone to. I wasn’t resistant, because I was so unhappy. I learned a whole bunch of things about myself, about sobriety, about traumatic events that had happened to me in my childhood. I didn’t even know what the word codependent meant before I went to rehab. I didn’t know what people-pleasing meant. I didn’t know what an enabler was. Ultimately I took a crash-course in alcoholism, wellness, and the language of sobriety.

In rehab they tell you: We recommend strongly that you stay away from bars and restaurants and the wine trade. We recommend strongly that you look for another job. I have no formal education. I’ve been working in kitchens since I was 16 years old. I have a wine company. I also make wine. And my whole existence in raising my family is based on the act of selling food and wine. I know nothing else. My rehab knew the reality: The fact is, I’m going back to the restaurant. I understand your recommendations. I may fail. But all I know is the restaurant business.

Three months after rehab, I was still wary about going back to the restaurant. I went to my friend Ryan Gray’s restaurant, Elena. He said, “Put on your apron, put on your chef shirt, you’re gonna do the pass.” And I did the pass. I did the pass a dozen times. I drank San Pellegrino water, and I worked a 12-hour shift until I was exhausted, and at midnight I went home to my bed, and I watched Netflix until I fell asleep, and I did it again and again. And I got my courage back about working in a restaurant without consuming alcohol. At that point I went back to my own restaurant, and I worked in my restaurant and applied what I had learned.

When I was no longer acting like Joe-Beef-Viking-David-McMillan—at the bar opening magnums and telling stories and sending people Calvados and having a Campari soda in the afternoon with the staff and bringing the staff to the bar across the street and buying everybody shots and beers—when I broke that in myself, there was a trickle-down effect that followed.

As I started taking care of myself, the staff started mimicking me. All of these young cooks who came to cook at Joe Beef, who look up to me and Fred [Morin], saw, well, David’s not drinking anymore, and he’s going to bed early, and he’s talking about what’s cool on Netflix. Then my staff was going to bed early and watching Netflix. My comptroller said staff drinking is down like crazy. We have the numbers. We used to give out 30 or 40 glasses of wine at the end of the shift, and it’s down to 10, and half the staff is drinking kombucha.

When I became sober, there was this openness from the staff, because I spoke a different way. Before I was centered on: What am I going to drink? Who am I going to drink with? What are we eating? My language changed from being self-centered in my alcoholism to being a better boss, a better friend who actually enjoyed people. I got to know people again through tea and coffee with people. I don’t waste so many man hours talking about wine like I did before, like weed guys talk about weed. Now I actually care what you did this weekend. Now I actually care what your next move is when you leave Joe Beef. Now I actually care about the happiness of these people I’ve been working with for 15 years. Because before I didn’t care: I only cared about myself. I feel that I owe the people I work with, because they saved my life.

At first, Fred he was like, “F— this, what’s Dave doing?” He hated me, I felt. Then he saw: Dave loves going to work. Dave’s happy. He’s smiling and he’s talking with the customers. He saw what I had and wanted it. Fred got sober really quickly after me. Now he’s six or seven months sober, and he’s in a very happy place.

Many people were reaching out to me, inside of my own restaurants and among my peers at other restaurants. The amount of people reaching out to me who wanted to ask me questions, as if I had the solution, was staggering. Not many in the restaurant industry will speak about this stuff. We’re still sweeping the dust under the carpet.

We’ve brought many people to different meetings around town. We’ve taken money out of the till and sent people to speak with private therapists. We have a meeting at McKiernan [one of our restaurants] on Sunday nights. It’s a non-AA–sanctioned meeting, where we re-wrote a little bit of the introductory speech of AA to leave the religious stuff out of it, because we noticed that a lot of people are apprehensive, especially in Quebec—there are people that need help, want help, but that categorically refuse help just because the word God or Jesus or that stuff is associated with the language of recovery. The meeting is open for everybody but it’s mostly for restaurant workers, and if anyone needs more help than what’s provided in that discussion, we have options for them to speak to somebody outside in a personal setting.

As chefs we are asked constantly to do charity work. I raise $750,000 every year for Atlantic salmon. But I realized that when I have staff members who need to go see a therapist, I don’t have $100 to give them. It’s insane that we raised $750,000 for fucking salmon, and I don’t even have a bank account with $20,000 in it to send my coworkers to rehabilitation. The fact is we’re a motley crew of pirates who all need to speak to someone a bit. So we’re working to host a dinner with a bunch of chefs in the city, and form a registered charity to have professional therapists assess restaurant workers and then be able to send them either to therapy or to a rehabilitation center. It’s baby steps. But we raise so much money for things I honestly don’t care about. Why don’t we raise money for things we actually need and care about, right?

For a lot of people who have read our first book, or seen us on Bourdain being hammered, or have heard about us from New York chefs who have visited the restaurant, they associate coming to Joe Beef with drinking with me. I built the company on my liver. My and Fred’s people-pleasing—our codependent behavior, our alcoholism—served us very well for 15 years. Every visiting chef and food writer from North America was like, “Holy shit, these guys are mad people.” “That was the greatest show I’ve ever seen.” “I’ve never drank and ate so well.” “Those guys are legends.”

I literally have to tell everybody: I no longer drink, I’m super boring now. Some guys are like, “Oh man, really? I came all the way here from Minnesota. I’ve been saving up to come to Joe Beef. I really wanted to drink with you.” I almost feel like, holy s—, this young line cook, who has our book dog-eared, who f—ing “likes” every post we do on social media, who saved his hard-earned money to come here, and I’m not going to drink with him? I feel like s— about it. You came all the way to Sea World and there’s no orca. The whale exhibit was closed that day.

But it’s only the real ignorant meatheads who would say something awful, like that they would not come back to the restaurants because we didn’t drag out the hammered Krusty the Clown to drink Calvados out of a jeroboam with them. Lots of my customers now say to me, “David, I have to tell you that there were times when I left this restaurant worried about you. Because I knew that I came here once every two weeks and did the show with you, but I knew that for you, the show was every day. And I’m so happy for where you are right now.”

I love the stage and all that, but I’m not going to stay on it until we’re just a bunch of performing clowns for the public, so it can turn into the saddest show on earth, because that’s where it was going. If Joe Beef fades away to obscurity, so be it. If I die tomorrow, I’ve had a wonderful career. I thank all of the wonderful people who came. I gave it my best. I gave everything to you, the public. Now I have to take care of myself.

The post Star Chef On Beating Alcoholism And Sobriety appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Codependency Recovery: Victim No More

I’m an adult child of an alcoholic and a codependent. I can turn any situation into a drama, and each new drama needs a victim to play the lead role. Who better to play it than me?  Unfortunately, my addiction to drama always costs me my serenity.

Childhood Traumas = Addiction To Drama

Drama, hardships, and crises are a part of being human, but childhood traumas are stored differently in our brains. According to Dr. Tian Dayton,

Emotional responses to childhood trauma are recorded by the parts of the brain that were developed early in our evolution. When we were deeply hurt, say as children, we may have been too scared or frozen to process what was happening around us. As a result, when these fragments of unprocessed memory get triggered in the present, they have no context. They’re all out of order and can get mindlessly blasted onto the surface of our current lives.

Simply put, I actually did suffer from a number of childhood traumas. I grew up in an alcoholic home with constant anger and yelling. I basically raised my younger brother Ricky.  I survived physical and emotional abuse, and witnessed an armed robbery. As a teenager, I also witnessed a fatal car accident.

Since I didn’t have help processing these tragic events, I have the problem solving skills of a six year old. Six year old me can make anything a catastrophe, and she’s kind of type-cast as a wimpy, frightened victim. It’s her only real acting experience.

Habitual Victim-Hood Challenged

Already today, I faced an “emergency.” My son told me he was planning to cheat on his spelling test. My habitual response was, “Great. Now I’m raising a cheater. Woe is me!” Thanks to prodding from my sponsor, I am now aware of my need for drama and that I’m reacting like a 6 year old victim.

I love the 12 Steps. For years, I tried counseling and several medications to help alleviate my depression and anxiety, but nothing worked. When I finally started attending Al-anon meetings, everything clicked. They follow AA’s same 12-steps, and the logical order of this practice really works for me.

Step one – I admit I am powerless over my habitual response of drama. Step 2 – I can’t change this habit on my own. I’ve tried. It’s exhausting. My Higher Power can restore my sanity. This crisis is quickly adverted.

Don’t Mistake The Messenger For The Controller

In a few cases, I might actually be a victim. My department has a new boss, Steve, who wants to cut staff. In the next three months, I could lose my job. The fear of this change taints my opinion of Steve, and every exchange I have with him is cloaked in defensiveness. I finally realized that my Higher Power is bigger than Steve.

Digging my heals in because I fear the future is a waste of my energy. If I lose my job, it is because my Higher Power has something different planned. Although Steve may be the one to deliver this bad news, it doesn’t mean he’s calling the shots. My Higher Power is. This new boss is merely a pawn in my “Controller’s” plan.

Victim No More

Over the next few days and weeks, I’m going to revisit the tools to help me take Steps 1 and 2. They are:

Become aware of when I panic and over-emphasize or even create drama.
Look for times when I am playing the victim.
Answer the question, “What’s my pay-off in either creating drama or playing the victim?”
Look for boring times of quiet. Instead of feeding them with anxiety, I will see if this strange new mood is actually serenity.
When the past comes back to haunt me, I will recognize this as a habit. I am safe today and I don’t need to relive, re-star, or reboot any old dramas.

Awareness is a big, often underestimated, tool of recovery. After I am aware of my victim mentality and need for drama, I can then accept it and take action. The progress sometimes seems slow, but serenity from taking these two steps rushes in like a flood.

The post Codependency Recovery: Victim No More appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

On The Road With ROR’s Coloring Book

We’re so proud that our coloring book has traveled to so many states that we’re having a Where’s Waldo contest! We carefully placed the coloring book on every state it’s currently being used (i.e. jails, sober living homes, IOP, and counseling centers). Email us (at reachoutrecoverymedia@gmail.com) a list of every state where the coloring book can be found and we’ll give you a 25% discount code off of one book!

Also, if Find Your True Colors in 12 Steps is NOT currently in your state, help us get it there!! Use code ALL50STATES to get a 10% discount on your purchase! (Hurry – coupon expires on 3/15/2019.)

Recovery means the world to us, as does serenity. That’s why we’ve combined this image with The Serenity Prayer in Chapter Three. We’d love to share some serenity with your corner of the world. To learn more about group discounts, call:

941.366.0870

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Karamo Brown Learns To Forgive Himself For His Addiction

From AP Press: Queer Eye host Karamo Brown has opened up on his cocaine addiction and said he has learned to “forgive” himself.

Brown, the culture expert on Netflix’s makeover show, told People magazine at his lowest point he was handing over his bank card to a drug dealer and once snorted cocaine while in a car with his mother.

He said: “Cocaine became my escape. I went to a place where I was using this drug and using it early in the morning and in the evening.”

Brown, who is engaged to director Ian Jordan, said the incident with his mother was a low point, adding: “The look on her face, of hurt, of pain, I was like eurgh. I put my family through that.”

The TV host is one of the Fab Five from Queer Eye, alongside Bobby Berk, Jonathan Van Ness, Tan France and Antoni Porowski.

On Queer Eye, which returns for a third season next month, the Fab Five help guests turnaround their lives, with advice on fashion, food and their overall outlook on life.

Brown, 38, said he has learn to forgive himself and that his experience with addiction allows him to help others suffering similarly.

He said: “But I had to forgive myself because going through that allows me to talk to people who have addictions and say, ‘I know what you’re going through’.

“It allows me to talk to family members who are dealing with someone who has an addiction.

“I can speak to that and say ‘you can grow through this and heal from it’.”

The post Karamo Brown Learns To Forgive Himself For His Addiction appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Could Bankruptcy Protect OxyContin Makers From Lawsuits?

From Spector, DiNapoli & Raymond @ Reuters: OxyContin maker Purdue Pharma LP is exploring filing for bankruptcy to address potentially significant liabilities from roughly 2,000 lawsuits alleging the drugmaker contributed to the deadly opioid crisis sweeping the United States, people familiar with the matter said on Monday.

The potential move shows how Purdue and its wealthy owners, the Sackler family, are under pressure to respond to mounting litigation accusing the company of misleading doctors and patients about risks associated with prolonged use of its prescription opioids.

Purdue denies the allegations, arguing that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration-approved labels for its opioids carried warnings about the risk of abuse and misuse associated with the pain treatments.

Filing for Chapter 11 protection would halt the lawsuits and allow Purdue to negotiate legal claims with plaintiffs under the supervision of a U.S. bankruptcy judge, the sources said.

Shares of Endo International Plc and Insys Therapeutics Inc, two companies that like Purdue have been named in lawsuits related to the U.S. opioid epidemic, closed down 17 percent and more than 2 percent, respectively, on Monday.

More than 1,600 lawsuits accusing Purdue and other opioid manufacturers of using deceptive practices to push addictive drugs that led to fatal overdoses are consolidated in an Ohio federal court. Purdue has held discussions to resolve the litigation with plaintiffs’ lawyers, who have often compared the cases to widespread lawsuits against the tobacco industry that resulted in a $246 billion settlement in 1998.

“We will oppose any attempt to avoid our claims, and will continue to vigorously and aggressively pursue our claims against Purdue and the Sackler family,” Connecticut Attorney General William Tong said. Connecticut has a case against Purdue and the Sacklers.

Bankruptcy Filing Not Certain

A Purdue bankruptcy filing is not certain, the sources said. The Stamford, Connecticut-based company has not made any final decisions and could instead continue fighting the lawsuits, they said.

“As a privately-held company, it has been Purdue Pharma’s longstanding policy not to comment on our financial or legal strategy,” Purdue said in a statement.

“We are, however, committed to ensuring that our business remains strong and sustainable. We have ample liquidity and remain committed to meeting our obligations to the patients who benefit from our medicines, our suppliers and other business partners.”

Purdue faces a May trial in a case brought by Oklahoma’s attorney general that, like others, accuses the company of contributing to a wave of fatal overdoses by flooding the market with highly addictive opioids while falsely claiming the drugs were safe.

Last year, U.S. President Donald Trump also said he would like to sue drug companies over the nation’s opioid crisis.

Opioids, including prescription painkillers, heroin and fentanyl, were involved in 47,600 overdose deaths in 2017, a sixfold increase from 1999, according to the latest data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Purdue hired law firm Davis Polk & Wardwell LLP for restructuring advice, Reuters reported in August, fueling concerns among litigants, including Oklahoma Attorney General Mike Hunter, that the company might seek bankruptcy protection before the trial.

Companies facing widespread lawsuits sometimes seek bankruptcy protection to address liabilities in one court even when their financial condition is not dire. California utility PG&E Corp filed for bankruptcy earlier this year after deadly wildfires raised the prospect of large legal bills even though its stock remained worth billions of dollars.

Deceptive Marketing

Massachusetts Attorney General Maura Healey in June became the first attorney general to sue not just Purdue but Sackler family members. Records in her case, which Purdue has asked a judge to dismiss, accused Sackler family members of directing deceptive marketing of opioids for years while enriching themselves to the tune of $4.2 billion.

Some other states have since also sued the Sacklers. The Sacklers are currently discussing creating a nonprofit backed by family financial contributions to combat addiction and drug abuse, a person familiar with their deliberations said.

The drugmaker downplayed the possibility of a bankruptcy filing in a Feb. 22 court filing in the Oklahoma case. “Purdue is still here – ready, willing and eager to prove in this Court that the State’s claims are baseless,” the company said in court papers.

Sales of OxyContin and other opioids have fallen amid public concern about their addictive nature, and as restrictions on opioid prescribing have been enacted. OxyContin generated $1.74 billion in sales in 2017, down from $2.6 billion five years earlier, according to the most recent data compiled by Symphony Health Solutions.

Purdue Chief Executive Officer Craig Landau has cut hundreds of jobs, stopped marketing opioids to physicians and moved the company toward developing medications for sleep disorders and cancer since taking the helm in 2017.

In July, Purdue appointed a new board chairman, Steve Miller, a restructuring veteran who previously held leadership positions at troubled companies including auto-parts giant Delphi and the once-teetering insurer American International Group Inc.

Mortimer D.A. Sackler no longer sits on Purdue’s board, according to a filing the company made with the Connecticut secretary of state late Monday.

The Oklahoma case and other lawsuits seek damages from Purdue and other pharmaceutical companies accused of fueling the opioid crisis. In addition to lawsuits consolidated in an Ohio federal court, more than 300 cases are pending in state courts, and dozens of state attorneys general have sued manufacturers, including Purdue.

Settlement discussions have not yet resulted in a deal.

Purdue and three executives in 2007 pleaded guilty to federal charges related to the misbranding of OxyContin and agreed to pay a total of $634.5 million in penalties, according to court records.

The post Could Bankruptcy Protect OxyContin Makers From Lawsuits? appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

4 Sneaky Types Of Digital Abuse

Digital abuse lurks in the dark shadows of cyberspace. Abusers use hateful comments on Instagram, vindictive Tweets, scathing Yelp reviews, and more to make victims feel violated, invaluable, and helpless. It’s important to know which behaviors cross the line and how to defend yourself.

Digital Abuse Isn’t Constructive Criticism

Steven recently wrote a hostile review of Holly’s Bakery. Holly runs an inner-city bakery, and she raises money to help feed the homeless. On her bakery’s website, people can pre-order cakes and view her menu. She also has a blog where she shares recipes and occasionally writes about issues related to homelessness. Last month, her work with the homeless was featured in the local newspaper.

Of course, not everyone agrees on how to help homeless people. “Steve” is one such reader. He is furious with Holly, so he posted this retort about the newspaper’s article as a review of Holly’s bakery.

This is more than just a simple dissatisfied customer. This type of cyber bullying is a sneaky type of digital abuse. When we dissect Steve’s comment, we see he actually used four common tactics to attack Holly. The first of which is mansplaining.

What Is Mansplaining?

According to Miriam-Webster, mansplaining:

“Occurs when a man talks condescendingly to someone (especially a woman) about something he has incomplete knowledge of, with the mistaken assumption that he knows more about it than the person he’s talking to does.”

Here’s an example of mansplaining in action.



These sentences are examples of mansplaining because he, the reviewer, is not privy to the Holly’s statistics. Yet he thinks he knows more about her business, volunteer work and how to quantify them than she does. When you attack from ignorance your purpose is to hurt.

What Is Misogyny?

Per dictionary.com, misogyny is, “hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women, or prejudice against women.” In this example, the comments attack based on gender. He uses terms of endearment like “sister” and “honey” to insult.

This is a case of misogyny because the writer is a man and the target is a woman. If they were both of the same gender, we would still be looking at a patronizing case of intimidation.

What Is Trolling?

Wikipedia defines trolling as,

“A person who starts quarrels or upsets people on the Internet to distract and sow discord by posting inflammatory and digressive, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the intent of provoking readers into displaying emotional responses and normalizing tangential discussion, whether for the troll’s amusement or a specific gain.”

Going back to our example, this entire review is an example of trolling. It’s off-topic because Steve’s concerns with Holly have nothing to do with her business or website. His anger is in response to an article published in an independent newspaper.

What Is Defamation?

Defamation is when a false statement is presented as fact to a third party. According to Legal Zoom,

“The difference between defamation and slander is that a defamatory statement can be made in any medium. It could be in a blog comment or spoken in a speech or said on television. Libelous acts only occur when a statement is made in writing (digital statements count as writing) and slanderous statements are only made orally.”

The comments in our example are in writing and nonfactual. Holly does not consider her paying customers to be homeless people. Steve’s scathing review is clearly meant to harm Holly’s business and livelihood. Therefore, this is a libelous act.

How To Respond?

Here’s why recovery is a game changer. Recovery teaches us so much more than how to be sober or quit using. Recovery shows us that we do have value, and recovery teaches us how to communicate even in difficult situations like digital abuse and cyber complaints.

To Stop Digital Abuse, First, We Tell Someone

Abuse only survives in secrecy.

In this example, the writer wants to intimidate and silence. We often see this in family dysfunction as well. Families in crisis operate under three specific rules: Don’t talk, don’t trust, and don’t feel.

To get over such insults, we talk to someone we trust. Maybe it’s a sponsor or a counselor. We do not allow ourselves to be isolated. This only makes us more vulnerable to escalating cyber complaints.

After Sharing We Hit The Pause Button

Inflammatory responses do not require immediate reaction. It’s important to give yourself time to process your emotions and brainstorm with accountability partners.

We Use Social Media Tools To Protect Ourselves

Many social media accounts allow you to ban angry followers. You can also report harassing and inappropriate comments. Some defamation cases might require legal action.

What Can We Change

Finally, we change what we can. We cannot control bullies and trolls. At the end of the day, we can only change ourselves. We can’t stop someone from being mean or even lying about us in private or public. We do, however, have the ability to take action to protect our character, livelihood, and mental well-being.

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