Leslie Glass's Blog, page 292

How to Support Someone Who Was Sexually Abused

From Vanessa Marin @ The New York Times: It’s been a particularly difficult few months for sexual abuse survivors. If you know someone who’s been abused, here are some tips to best support them and their recovery.

It’s an especially difficult time to be a survivor of sexual abuse or assault. On top of the daily struggle to stay safe and healthy, sexual abuse survivors also have to contend with an endlessly triggering news cycle.

If you’re not a survivor yourself but you’re close to one — maybe a partner, friend or family member — you may not be able to fully understand what they’re going through, and you may feel confused or lost about how to best support them. Here’s what you need to know, and how you can be supportive.

Listen To Their Story (If They Want To Talk)

If your partner or friend seems to be struggling, let them know you’re available if they need to talk. If you haven’t already, listen to their story, if they’re ready to tell you. They may also want to express their anger, frustration, fear or sadness about recent news events. Don’t pressure your friend into talking or telling you their story, but let them know you’re open to listening to whatever they want to share.

In an email, Beverly Engel, psychotherapist and author of “It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself From the Shame of Childhood Abuse With the Power of Self-Compassion” recommended you ask — especially if the person is your romantic partner — if they want physical contact (like holding hands or a hug) as they tell their story, but otherwise default to giving them physical space while they speak. Just telling their story can be emotionally daunting, and can bring back memories.

“Don’t let your own feelings of anger or sadness get in the way of you being there for your partner,” Ms. Engel said. Getting angry, even at the person who did this to your friend or loved one won’t help, she said. In fact, it could just scare your friend into closing off. Your job isn’t to “fix” your friend, make them feel better, or take their pain away. Your job is simply to listen.

It’s especially important to believe your friend’s story. It’s sad that this has to be said, but that’s the climate that we’re in right now. Let them know that above all, you believe them.

Wendy Maltz, sex and relationship therapist and author of “The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse,” offered this handy list of possible responses:

“Thank you for sharing.”
“You are not to blame for what happened to you.”
“You didn’t deserve what happened to you.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“You are not what was done to you.”
“That was abuse, not healthy sexuality.”
“I support you in your healing process.”
“I respect you for addressing this.”
“I love you.”

Educate Yourself

While every survivor and each story is unique, it’s useful to educate yourself on the impacts of sexual abuse. It’s not the responsibility of a survivor to educate you — especially when it’s so easy to read more on your own — and being informed beforehand will make you a better partner in recovery. Books are a great place to start.

Ms. Engel recommended reading the books “Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child” by Laura Davis and “Sexual Assault [Rape]: Moving From Victim to Survivor” by Lizyvette Ramos. The Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) also has a section on its website about post-abuse recovery.

As a psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy, I work with a lot of sexual abuse survivors and their partners. The impacts of sexual abuse can be extremely difficult to understand if you haven’t experienced the abuse yourself, and it may help to learn some of the common impacts that abuse can have on a loved one. Here are some common ones I see in my practice. This is by no means an exhaustive list, and remember, each survivor’s experience is unique.

Dissociation:

A survivor’s body can be physically present, but their mind can be in a completely different place, especially during intimate moments.

Getting Triggered:

Survivors might jump or tense up when someone gets too close, even if it’s someone they love and trust. Certain words, actions, sounds, gestures or even smells could send them into a heightened state of agitation. Many sexual abuse survivors can also be hypervigilant.

Difficulty Making Healthy Decisions:

Some sexual abuse survivors find it tricky to make healthy decisions about their sex lives after abuse. They might have poor body image or low self esteem. They may find themselves becoming intimate with people who don’t respect them, or in situations that feel unsafe.

Low Libido Or An Avoidance Of Sex:

Many survivors don’t want to revisit the specific activities that traumatized them.

Shame:

Many survivors feel as if they’re broken or damaged goods. Male sexual abuse survivors can feel a different kind of shame, since male sexual abuse isn’t discussed nearly as often, and carries a different kind of stigma.

This list shouldn’t be used to diagnose your loved one, but rather, to give you a foundation if your loved one wants to discuss the ways their abuse may affect their life.

Be An Ongoing Source Of Support

Your friend or loved one is most likely going to continue having reactions to the news, family dinner conversations, intimacy or even seemingly random events. Here’s what you can do in those moments:

Keep listening. Don’t try to give advice or fix the problem. Just listen.

Let them feel their feelings. It can be extremely difficult to see someone you love in pain, but they need space to express themselves. Don’t say things like, “Cheer up” or “Don’t cry.” Stay by their side as they work through their feelings.

Let your loved one know you’re on their team. Tell them you’re happy to turn off the TV, get out of the house or leave an event with them.

Ask if your friend or loved one needs anything from you. They may not always have an answer, but it’s nice to make it clear that you want to be supportive and engaged.

Practice Self-Care

Encourage your loved one to get as much support as they can. This might include psychotherapy, sex therapy, support groups, crisis lines or talking to other trusted loved ones.

RAINN has a handy tool for finding resources in your area. The National Sexual Assault Hotline is available 24/7 at 800-656-HOPE (4673). You can always offer to take them to their appointments, take them out for lunch after a meeting, or even join the session.

However, it’s ultimately up to your loved one to make their own decisions about their healing process. Ms. Maltz advised: “While healing is a process you can participate in, it’s not something you can control or make happen. Survivors heal on their own timelines, based on their own readiness and motivation. Healing is more likely to take place when the survivor leads, and you work as a team together — both partners in a healing process.”

It’s also important for you to get your own support. Mike Lew, author of “Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering From Sexual Child Abuse,” noted, “People who love survivors go through a parallel process to that of the survivors themselves, often with less support, fewer resources, and the feeling that they don’t deserve the support because it wasn’t done to them.” It’s hard to hear the story of someone you love being abused. Understand that you may have your own reactions, and you deserve support too. Consider getting personal therapy of your own. (You can use the RAINN locator tool too.)

Honor Their Recovery

Recovering from sexual abuse is a long process that is never truly over. The path to recovery can also look different for each survivor, but Ms. Maltz noted that the most common steps include “recognizing what happened, identifying repercussions, resolving feelings about the past abuse and the perpetrator (or perpetrators), stopping negative behaviors, reclaiming personal power, relearning touch, addressing sex and intimacy concerns, and more.”

“Be patient,” Ms. Maltz said. “That’s probably the biggest gift you can give.” Along the way, it’s important for you and your loved one to acknowledge and honor your hard work. You can do an activity together after every therapy session, like cooking a special meal, or going on a walk. Or get away for a weekend when the news cycle becomes too much to bear. The healing process can feel like two steps forward, one step back, but any sort of progress deserves recognition.

Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy and online courses.

The post How to Support Someone Who Was Sexually Abused appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

4 Ways To Stop A Codependency Relapse

I’ve been sliding towards a codependency relapse lately. I wouldn’t call it a complete relapse into old behavior, but I see myself taking on responsibilities that are not mine to take on, and that no one asked me to champion. I also fall back into old patterns and old dynamics that no longer serve me. What’s interesting is, I found these dynamics cause quite a bit of anxiety for me today. Even worse, once I start to go down that road of old behavior, I find myself going into auto-pilot with other old behaviors. It’s a chain reaction on a slippery slope.

Codependency Relapse Warning Signs

Suddenly, I want to call people, and it’s not to stay in touch. It’s to take on whatever they’re dealing with as a distraction to ignore whatever I’m feeling. Want to know what’s even weirder? I’m at a stage of recovery where I’m able to see the behavior and recognize the compulsion. I can think it through so I don’t take the action, and I can reframe whatever I’m thinking so I can move on with my day. But it feels uncomfortable and makes me realize the codependency disease is still strong in me and that’s a reality check. 

Drama Causes My Codependency Relapse

I’ll get more specific. Maybe there’s some drama going on at work or in the family. Drama causes me to want to fix things, to make people who are unhappy feel happier by being there for them for their every thought and feeling. That’s not my job as an employee, or as a family member. I’m here to listen and support when asked, but not here to be involved when I should be busy doing other things. Especially putting my own schedule, recovery or work load to the side to help people with theirs. Here are some solutions to deal with those codependency relapse cravings

4 Ways To Stop A Codependency Relapse 



1. Recognize The Signs

For me, it’s noticing I’ve blurred boundaries with family, friends and colleagues. All of a sudden, I’m either getting involved with things that are none of my business or I’m bringing work into every aspect of my life instead of doing work on work time and life on life time. Or, I’m missing my recovery life to be there for someone else abandoning the put your air mask on first principle. Just being aware of the issues is first and foremost. 

2. Return To Your Program

I go to a program from time to time for my codependency issues. It’s been suggested to me to bring that program back into my life for a while. It’s hard when you’re in multiple programs, but as one sponsor once said to me, “Point that hose at whatever fire is burning brightest.” 

3. Stay Connected With Mentors

I talk to a professional, sponsor or friend with good judgment about how to get back on track. That looks like re-setting boundaries about my work schedule if necessary, not answering the phone at times I don’t want to be disturbed and getting spiritually centered. This is also where using email and text can be very helpful. You can be very specific and say what you mean without saying it mean in email and text. 

4. Find Ways To Stop Obsessing

I have a disease of obsession and recovery, for me, often comes down to quieting the mind. Meditation has become a daily practice. Hiking is a useful tool for me because it involves exercise, which has its own scientific magic for the brain. I’m working closely with a sponsor again. I don’t always. I don’t always feel like I need it. But, when I’m struggling, I cling on because I need to do the writing assignments, spiritual reading and whatever else is asked of me to help calm the brain. 

The post 4 Ways To Stop A Codependency Relapse appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

The Freedom To Say No

What happened to the freedom to say no? No one these days answers the question, “How do you live your life?” with the answer “I’m afraid to say no.” But so many of us live in this space of answering yes to every demand and request with alarming tenacity.

No Freedom To Say No

How many of us tend to take on tasks even when our plates are overflowing; and then complain we are overwhelmed and have too much to do? Couple this with an inability to ask for what we want, and we have the perfect storm: stress and anxiety swirling with great force in every area of our lives.

It seems that we don’t merely invite stress and anxiety; we require them as our constant companions. How many people long for a vacation, staycation, or just a moment to ourselves so we can breathe? Everybody. But most of us bristle at the suggestion that we are the ones creating our own stress.

Imagining Negative Consequences Of Saying No

It all stems from what we think will happen. We believe we can’t say no to our bosses, spouses, children, family, friends and even our pets. If we say no to them, we’re afraid of what will happen to them, or how they will feel, or even what they will do to retaliate when we want something. This fear of the consequences of no means we stay stuck in a pattern which lacks self-advocacy and freedom. We fail to stand up for ourselves in a meaningful way that could result in a positive change in our relationships and our lives. This dynamic of always saying yes, and never asking for what we want keeps us stuck in the status quo.

Having Expectations Of Disappointment

After all, we already know what’s going to happen if we ask for, say, a raise…right? (Add excuse here.) We already know the answer will be no before we ask the question – so what’s the point in asking? The same goes for family members who are always demanding things from us but never returning any favors. Thought patterns such as these are what keep us firmly planted wherever we are. The truth is, the answer will always be no to our needs unless we ask, and not the other way around.

In fact, many times people feel they don’t have to have an actual conversation with someone from who they want help because they’ve played out the scenario in their heads and believe they know the answer will not be a good one.  The outcome contrived is always the one that keeps us stuck in the not asking. We live our lives believing that we know all the answers, so we never ask the questions!

The Freedom To Say No…And To Ask For What We Want

Imagine how freeing it would be if we could let go of what we think is going to happen. If we could stop projecting our negativity on every situation, we could have the freedom to say no and the ability to ask for what we need. No doesn’t mean any of the myriad of connotations that we attach to it, and asking for what we want is a good way to get some yeses. But if someone does say no to us, that also is part of life. No is just no. We all have to learn to live with it.

The post The Freedom To Say No appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Overcoming Negative Communication Patterns

Where there are negative communication patterns, codependency reigns. Codependency often develops when children are not encouraged to understand what’s happening around them and express their thoughts and feelings. Stifling expression is very common in families with Substance Use Disorder (addiction), but is also a function of all unhealthy family systems. When feelings are repressed or held inside, unhealthy communication results.

3 Types Of Negative Communication

You may recognize some of the results of feelings and thoughts that can’t be expressed because loved ones can’t or won’t listen.  Being angry and acting out that anger. Feeling depressed and isolating from others. Blaming others and feeling resentful. You may be communicating in 1 of 3 ways: aggressive, passive, or passive aggressive. Others experience these types of communication in a negative way and may mirror your behavior back to you.

1. Aggressive Communication

Here you find yourself being a bully:

Complaining
Blaming
Yelling
Threatening
Dominating
Intimidating
Perhaps, being physical such as throwing things or hurting someone.

You enjoy other’s pain and tend to humiliate others. Also, you tend to be impulsive and react to your thoughts and feelings without examining issues. You are feared by others and you enjoy their discomfort and fear. This is a way to keep others away from you and to avoid taking responsibility.

Aggression comes from unresolved anger and instead of coping with that anger, you act out in your own way, similar to how the addict acts out with inappropriate behavior.

2. Passive Communication

This often happens when you give up. You don’t express your needs at all, but hibernate and withdraw from life and living. Passivity can also look like anxiety, depression, and the “poor me’s.” You cower in the face of adversity. You don’t use direct communication, you agree with everyone, you apologize for everything (including things that aren’t your fault), and you let the dysfunction rule your life. You have no sense of trust in yourself and you depend on others instead of taking responsibility for yourself. Perhaps you make excuses for the addict, perhaps you buy him his alcohol so he won’t yell at you, and perhaps you choose to lie in bed with the covers over your head. In this manner, you basically opt out of life.

3. Passive-aggressive Communication

This is a combination of the above 2 styles where you appear to be passive, but in reality, you are acting out of anger. This can be done in a subtle way which can be confusing to others. Here, you use sarcasm in your communication, drop snarky comments, act rudely, and feel smug about your communication. You are resentful and angry but cannot express feelings appropriately. This style lets you act aggressively in a sly manner as you undermine basic communication. This is the style of back-handed compliments – a compliment with a nasty zinger attached. You know when you’ve said a really good passive-aggressive statement when you are smirking on the bomb you’ve just dropped.

Overcoming Negative Communication

The problem with negative communication is that people around you do not respond to you the way you’d like. You work on becoming assertive. Changing your communication pattern can be difficult, even though you recognize it needs to change. You may benefit from counseling to help change a life-long pattern. Healthy, assertive communication depends on prep work and communicating in the moment.

Healthy Communication Prep Work

Feeling your feelings
Keep the focus on yourself
Doing affirmations daily (these are positive statements about yourself)
Exploring what you are grateful for
Focusing on your positives
Recognizing that you are a valuable person with EQUAL rights (such as being treated with respect, being accepted as to who you are, etc.)
Above all, accepting who you are

Healthy Communication

Examining your own behaviors to see if they are healthy
Accepting your role in changing your communication style and in communicating with others
Focusing on the positives of others
Listening, listening, and listening some more
State your thoughts and feelings directly, using phrases like:

“I statements” such as “I feel angry when…”.
 “When you____________________, I feel_______________.”


Allowing others to communicate in a healthy manner and supporting this
Compromising and accepting compromise

Long-term communication patterns can be difficult to change, but in order to deal with others, this is a major step. You will find yourself feeling better as you engage in such communication and will find that others may also want to change their styles as well.

The post Overcoming Negative Communication Patterns appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Test Your Recovery IQ

We see you out there all across the country. You ARE recovery rock stars who carry the message of hope. You chair meetings, hold your sponsees hands, and make life-long impacts on another person’s life. No mere quiz could ever define how great you are, or could it? Let’s find out.

Test Your Recovery IQ

1. Who wrote the Serenity Prayer, and what does the prayer specifically ask for?

Author: ______________________

Item A: ______________________

Item B: ______________________

Item C: ______________________

2. What does the acronym HALT stand for?

H: ______________

A: ______________

L: ______________

T: ______________

3. True or False: In the event of an opioid overdose, it necessary to do CPR but not rescue breathing.

4. Alcohol Use Disorders can be classified into how many stages?

A) 3

B) 5

C) 7

D) 9

E) None of the above

5. What are the five signs of an opioid overdose?

______________________

______________________

______________________

______________________

______________________

6. How many people out of 10 who struggle with addiction find the help they need?

A) 1

B) 3

C) 5

D) 7

E) None of the above

7. True or False: In the event of an opioid overdose, you should encourage vomiting.

8. True or False: Memories associated with acute stress and trauma get stored in the part of your brain responsible for survival.

9. The American Heart Association now recommends teens and kids should consume less than _______ added teaspoons of sugar per day.

A) 3

B) 6

C) 9

D) 12

E) 18

F) 24

10. Which of the following substances cause a dopamine spike in the brain?

A) Marijuana

B) Sugar

C) Tobacco

D) Cocaine

E) Heroin

F) A and C

G) B, D, and E

I) None of the above

Bonus Question. True or False: Only people who get 100% right on this quiz are recovery rock stars.

Facts Don’t Translate Into Passion

Of course, no IQ test could measure the potential we have to help another person find recovery. In fact, sometimes facts can be off-putting.

The answers to all of the questions above are found in our books. We use beautiful scenes, delicious recipes, and colorful graphics to teach these recovery facts.

Books Serve As A Bridge

Of course, our beautiful books are helping people in jail pods, sober living homes, inpatient facilities, and small recovery groups, but that is only their primary stop. When one person struggles with addiction, the whole family suffers. ROR books are written to help the whole family heal. When everyone speaks the language of recovery, arguments can turn into discussions. Disagreements can be settled and boundaries can be respected.

For those who need to order a full set of books for your entire facility, please call us at 941.366.0870 to discuss our group discounts!

The post Test Your Recovery IQ appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Everclear Front Man Shares His Recovery Story

From Katie Powell: June 15 is a day that Everclear frontman Art Alexakis will never forget. It’s coincidentally the day he lost his older brother in 1974, the day he overdosed and almost lost his life in 1984, and it’s the day he decided he wanted to get clean in 1989.

Alexakis was the final speaker Thursday at Horry-Georgetown Technical College’s Addiction and Recovery series, organized by Prof. Casey King.

King created the series in 2008 to increase public awareness of recovery in the community, educate the public on the biology and psychological basis that drives many addictions, demonstrate that addiction crosses all social and economic boundaries, reduce the stigma our culture assigns to those in recovery, and to demonstrate that recovery from addictions is possible through a multitude of methods and can be free to those who want it.

The series is sponsored by Grand Strand Health, Faces and Voices of Recovery Grand Strand, Lighthouse Behavioral Health Hospital, and Shoreline Behavioral Health Services.

King himself is a recovering addict, and came full circle with Alexakis’ appearance at HGTC. King was in the early stages of recovery when he bought a ticket to see Everclear at the House of Blues.

“I was worried about going to the House of Blues. I left my license in my car and only took $10. It was my first concert in recovery and now 13 years later, I’m introducing him to the stage,” King said.

Alexakis has been in recovery for 30 years now, he said.

“People like to tell their war stories and ask ‘What was your drug of choice?’” Alexakis said. “I tell them ‘Whaddaya got?’”

He grew up with his brother and a single mom in Culver City, Calif., “the only white kid in a primarily African-American and Hispanic neighborhood,” he said.

He was sexually abused at age 8 by some teenage boys, and tried marijuana for the first time at age 9. At age 11, he went to his first rock concert and took LSD.

“My daughter is 11 and I don’t think she’s even ever seen anyone smoke a cigarette,” he said incredulously.

His brother used to take him to a particular ice cream truck to get ice cream when he was a child, and it wasn’t until later he realized the man selling ice cream was also selling heroin, and his brother was helping him sell it.

He was bullied in school, and said before the abuse he was a “nice kid”, but said after the sexual abuse happened, he would “take anybody out” that bullied him.

“It was hit first, ask questions later,” Alexakis said.

After losing his brother to an overdose when Alexakis was 12, he continued down a dark path.

At age 13, he shot up crystal meth for the first time.

“I spent most of my teens trying new drugs, and learning how to lie about them,” Alexakis said. “My priorities in my teens and early 20s were drugs, alcohol and sex.”

The night he overdosed, he was at a friend’s house and had been doing drugs all day. He said he remembered needing help walking because he couldn’t walk straight. That evening he said he put three quarters of a gram of cocaine in a syringe and put it in his arm all at one time.

“My heart stopped,” Alexakis said.

An emergency medical technician happened to live next door to where he had overdosed, and was coincidentally just home from a shift, Alexakis said. He was able to use the defibrillator to save Alexakis’ life.

He said he used for six more months but then stopped all drugs except for alcohol.

“When I was clean except for the alcohol, I wrote good songs,” Alexakis said. “But I woke up drinking, went to bed drinking and woke up in the middle of the night to have a drink.”

When he was living in San Francisco with his first wife, he would frequent a local record store.

One day, the record store clerk spoke up and told Alexakis, “You know, you have a problem.”

“He could tell just by looking at me. He told me if I ever wanted to go to a meeting, he would take me,” Alexakis said.

He woke up from a bender one day, took a bus to that record store and asked the clerk if he would take him to a meeting. The clerk said he’d be glad to take him to a meeting that night.

“I told him ‘No, I want to go to one right now,’ so he asked the other lady there to watch the store and took me,” Alexakis said.

They went to two meetings that day, he said, and by the end of the evening he realized he wanted to get clean.

He was five years sober when his band Everclear came into more notoriety in the 90s, with their albums Sparkle and Fade, and So Much for the Afterglow.

Their latest album Black is the New Black, came out in 2015, and he will be releasing a solo album in the next few months.

Does he think he would have had the same success if he had not gotten clean?

“I’d be dead,” he said. “It’s not even a maybe. I’d have been dead,” Alexakis said.

While social media can be a great thing, he said social media can be a double-edged sword when it comes to addiction.

“It depends on what you’re going to do with it. You could do really good things. I see people talking about treatment and outreach, but then I see people … setting themselves on fire,” Alexakis said.

He said he spoke at some Alcoholics Anonymous meetings before he went on tour back then, in anticipation of being thrown back into an environment where it was easy to feed the addiction.

“It’s all about choices. Don’t put yourself in places you don’t want to be. If you can’t make good choices in those places, don’t go to those places,” Alexakis said. “You have to find that desire to be clean and sober and to be in recovery.”

Arthur Paul “Art” Alexakis is best known as the singer-songwriter and guitarist of the rock band Everclear. He has been a member of several notable bands, in addition to his own work as a songwriter for other artists. Alexakis founded several record labels throughout his career and worked as an A&R representative for major record labels between and during his own musical projects. Later, he became a political activist and lobbied for special concerns which included drug awareness policies and support of the families of the military.

The post Everclear Front Man Shares His Recovery Story appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Bipolar Disorder: 8 Early Warning Signs Of Mania

From Carrie Cantwell @ NAMI: I have bipolar disorder. It’s as much a part of me as my left-handedness. I’ve accepted my diagnosis, but I still have to work on being mindful of my symptoms, as bipolar disorder can come with a lack of self-awareness.

This is especially true for hypomania (a less severe form of mania). Hypomania can be difficult to detect because in the moment it makes me feel like I’m flying. The difficulty comes when I engage in self-destructive actions with little or no regard for the consequences. However, hypomania is just a stop on the way to full-blown, havoc-wreaking mania. I’ve identified some red flags to watch out for that signal I’m headed towards mania. I’ve found that spotting these clues early on can help me prevent a full-blown manic episode.

1. Insomnia

I can tell I’m hypomanic when I wake up before the alarm clock with my mind buzzing, full of a flurry of ideas. I throw myself into whatever project I’m working on at the time before I’ve even brushed my teeth or had my morning coffee.

2. Inability To Listen To Other People

When I’m hypomanic, I seek out more social interactions, but when I’m with friends, I do most of the talking, and people have a hard time getting a word in.

3. Spending Beyond My Means

Whether I’m thrift store shopping or browsing Amazon multiple times a day, when I’m hypomanic I feel a constant, compulsive urge to buy things I don’t need.

4. Unrealistic Overconfidence

When I’m hypomanic, I feel like a supermodel. In my mind, everyone finds me irresistible. When I look in the mirror, I see a gorgeous knockout staring back at me, even if I haven’t combed my hair or put on makeup that day.

5. Not Taking Care Of Myself

With my hypomania comes a ramped-up focus on goals, so I’m constantly jumping from one project to another without stopping to take care of myself. Taking a break between tasks to feed myself or shower seems trivial and unnecessary.

6. Inability To Focus

I love movies and books. I can tell I’m hypomanic when I can’t even sit still long enough to finish watching an hour and a half movie, because my mind constantly drifts to the dozen tasks I feel I need to scratch off my to-do list. I also enjoy quiet time escaping into a good book, but one of the biggest telltale signs is when I find myself reading the same sentence over and over again, unable to comprehend it.

7. Hypersensitivity To Stimuli.

From a siren in the distance to a wafting scent from someone’s shampoo, when I’m hypomanic, I’m more acutely aware of my surroundings. Colors appear brighter, smells seem more pungent, and even faint noises can be deafening.

8. Obsessing Over Things.

It’s part of my personality to obsess a bit over subjects I’m interested in, but when I’m hypomanic, my passion is amplified. From researching the best cashew cheese recipe to watching NASA videos, it seems like everything I’m interested in has become my new lifelong goal, and—to the detriment of my valuable time—I feel helpless to curb my enthusiasm.

How I Recognize These Warning Signs

When I notice these indicators, I try to stop, take a breath, and ask myself how I’m feeling. You might notice I said, “try to” there. That’s because sometimes I get lost in the moment, I get hyper-focused and I don’t realize I’m getting manic.

I’ve made verbal agreements with the people I’m close to, to tell me when they see these behaviors. My end of the agreement is to listen to them. Just by hearing feedback from someone else, I snap out of my head and step back, realizing I need to slow down and pay more attention to how I feel. It’s taken me years of practice not to get defensive when reminded by a loved one that I may be acting hypomanic. I know what happens with an unchecked hypomanic episode. I’ve ended up in the hospital as a result of ignoring hypomania and letting it develop into mania. Now, if someone close to me points out that I may be getting hypomanic, I thank them for being patient and gentle with me, I re-examine my thoughts, and I reach out to my mental health care team for help if needed.

I consider myself lucky to have a strong support network of people who understand this illness, and what to look for. However, if external feedback is unavailable, I have another indicator I can use with no outside assistance: my journal. I try to write every night, whether it’s just a factual summary of my day, or my thoughts, feelings, ideas, fears or hopes. I make an effort to write when I’m stable (in between episodes) and when I’m hypomanic, manic or depressed. Motivating myself to write when I’m depressed can be hard, but I do my best.

I find journaling is good way for me to track my moods and cycles when others aren’t around to alert me of a mood shift. Writing enables me to look back on my thoughts from the past and learn from them, so I can recognize what a hypomanic me looks like, and notice familiar patterns. Just the simple act of writing itself makes me aware of what’s going through my head in the moment. If I write when I’m hypomanic, I literally see my hurried ideas in front of me on paper, and that’s pretty hard evidence. My journals can tell me when it may be time to visit my health care practitioner for a meds adjustment.

Writing is my creative outlet that forces me to be mindful, and it’s this mindfulness that helps me stay aware of my moods. It’s what keeps me healthy. Everyone is different. No matter what works for you, I encourage you to find one thing that puts you in the moment, makes you aware of your thoughts and moods. With proper awareness and care, you can thrive with bipolar disorder.

Carrie Cantwell is an Emmy-nominated film industry graphic designer with bipolar disorder. She grew up with a bipolar dad who she lost to suicide. She’s finishing a book entitled Daddy Issues: A Memoir, about how accepting her diagnosis taught her to forgive her dad and herself. Her blog is darknessandlight.org.

The post Bipolar Disorder: 8 Early Warning Signs Of Mania appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Brody Stevens, Comic Who Explored His Dark Side, Dies

From Neil Genzlinger @ The New York Times: Brody Stevens, a jarring comic who turned his own struggles with depression into a Comedy Central television series, died on Friday at his home in Los Angeles. He was 48.

The Los Angeles County medical examiner-coroner’s office ruled the death a suicide.

Mr. Stevens was well known in the stand-up world, especially on the West Coast, as well as to studio audiences of shows like “Chelsea Lately” and “The Burn With Jeff Ross.” For those shows he was the warm-up comedian, whose job was to get the audience in a laughing mood before taping began.

His stand-up style was a seemingly contradictory mix of confrontation and self-deprecation. He would often mock the fact that he was not a household name and had managed to land only small parts in television shows and movies.

“I was in the ‘Hangovers,’ ” he joked in a favorite routine. “‘Hangover 1’: In it. ‘Hangover 2’: In it. ‘Due Date’: In it. ‘Funny People’: I got cut out of that.”

Onstage he raced quickly through a wide array of subject matter, going deeper and darker than comfort-food comedians. When his audiences responded with nervous half-laughs or silence, he would turn on them with something on the edge of genuine hostility.

“You should be giving me laughs based on cadence alone” was one of his favorite lines for berating a crowd. “I scratch your back, you shave mine.”

He was widely admired by other comedians for his willingness to venture into unsafe territory.

“Brody never seems like he’s doing material at all,” Sarah Silverman once said. “He’s just yelling.”

She gave that assessment in the premiere episode of “Brody Stevens: Enjoy It!,” a biographical documentary series (based on an earlier HBO web series) broadcast on Comedy Central in 2013 and 2014. Among the things it examined was a disturbing period in which Mr. Stevens stopped taking his anti-anxiety medications and went on a days-long sleep-deprived rant, much of it blasted in a stream of Twitter messages and videos. The behavior so alarmed his friends — especially when he tweeted that he had a gun — that they called the authorities, and Mr. Stevens was committed for psychiatric treatment.

“They diagnosed me here at the U.C.L.A. psych ward with a bipolar disorder,” he said in Episode 2 of “Enjoy It!”

“I don’t want it to make who I am,” he added, “ ‘I’m the guy who had this breakdown.’ But I’ll talk about it, and be real, learn from it, help others learn from it, and then move on.”

Mr. Stevens was born Steven James Brody to Harold and Jackie Brody on May 22, 1970, in California’s San Fernando Valley. His parents divorced when he was young.

He played baseball at Reseda High School and received a scholarship to Arizona State University, where he was a pitcher. His love of baseball continued past his playing days, and he was a frequent visitor to spring training camps.

He honed his stand-up skills in Seattle, where he also had a public-access TV show, then returned to the Los Angeles area. The actor and producer Zach Galifianakis became a close friend and, with Mike Gibbons, created “Enjoy It!,” which ran for 12 episodes. Another theme of that show was Mr. Stevens’s strained relationship with his sister, Stephanie.

Information on his survivors was not immediately available.

Mr. Stevens, who in recent years went by the name Steven Brody Stevens, also hosted audio and video podcasts. On Twitter, the comedian John Roy recalled an industry show in which a number of comics performed for hard-to-amuse agents. The crowd, he said, was comatose until Mr. Stevens took the stage and virtually demanded laughs, finally loosening things up.

“He gave that gift to every comic that came after him that night,” Mr. Roy wrote. “That’s why he was such a master at warming up TV shows. He simply refused to accept that audiences could not be made to laugh, and he threw every thought and instinct he had at that problem until it was solved.”

If you are having thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources.

The post Brody Stevens, Comic Who Explored His Dark Side, Dies appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Ben Affleck’s Dramatic Weight Loss Post-Rehab

From News.com/au

Ben Affleck revealed his dramatic weight loss on Monday after a stint in rehab.

The 46-year-old actor was barely recognisable as he walked around Los Angeles dressed in tracksuit bottoms, a grey hoodie, sunglasses and a beanie hat pulled over his ears.

Ben’s Nike trousers hung off his hips and the star, who has reunited with his ex-girlfriend Lindsay Shookus, sported a grey beard.

The Hollywood star split with Lindsay last summer and headed into rehab when ex wife Jennifer Garner staged an intervention.

But he was spotted with the TV producer at a Starbucks on Saturday and a source told ET: “They are hanging out again. They have been for over a month now.”

The Batman actor headed for treatment last year after his wife of ten years went to his LA home and begged him to get help, TMZ reported at the time.

Witnesses said Jen arrived with “a lawyer and a Bible” and they left together after talks at his $27 million mansion.

Ben knew he needed help and wanted the treatment and was driven to the Canyon live-in rehab facility in Malibu.

Friends of Ben told Page Six he’d been in a bad place since breaking up with Lindsay.

An insider said: “He’s having a tough time. It’s unclear what his relationship is with Lindsay and he still has his relationship with Jen.

“It’s not easy and he’s struggled with staying on a straight path before.” Oscar winner Ben has been to rehab for alcoholism twice before — once in 2001 and in March 2017.

TMZ claimed Jennifer became worried for Ben last summer after pictures emerged of a huge delivery of alcohol arriving at his home just two days earlier.

The couple separated in 2015 after ten years of marriage and have three children together.

The website said “Ben fell off the wagon a while ago and it’s got progressively worse” and that actress Jennifer drove Ben to an LA rehab, only stopping off at fast food restaurant Jack In The Box.

He later took to Instagram in October, after spending 40 days in the facility, and updated fans on his struggle.

Ben wrote: “This week I completed a 40-day stay at a treatment centre for alcohol addiction and remain in outpatient care. The support I have received from my family, colleagues and fans means more to me than I can say.

“It’s given me the strength and support to speak about my illness with others. Battling any addiction is a lifelong and difficult struggle. Because of that, one is never really in or out of treatment. It is a full-time commitment. I am fighting for myself and my family.”

He added: “So many people have reached out on social media and spoken about their own journeys with addiction. To those people, I want to say thank you. Your strength is inspiring and supporting me in ways I didn’t think was possible.

“It helps to know I am not alone. As I’ve had to remind myself, if you have a problem, getting help is a sign of courage, not weakness or failure. With acceptance and humility, I continue to avail myself with the help of so many people and I am grateful to all those who are there for me. I hope down the road I can offer an example to others who are struggling.”

After splitting from Lindsay, The Justice League star was snapped with stunning Playboy model Shauna Sexton, 22.

The pair shared a meal as Ben celebrated his 46th birthday at Nobu in Malibu.

Meanwhile, Jennifer’s star was unveiled on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame last year.

The pair have son Samuel Garner, six, plus daughters Seraphina Rose Elizabeth, nine, and Violet Anne, 12.

BEN’S ROAD TO RECOVERY

2001: First time in rehab

After a night of ‘hard partying’ Ben was driven to Promises Rehab in Malibu by his friend Charlie Sheen. He stayed for 30 days and his rep confirmed: “Ben is a self-aware and smart man who has decided that a fuller life awaits him without alcohol.”

2004: Marriage to Jennifer Garner

The pair got married after meeting on the set of Daredevil and have their three children. Insiders say she is a “positive influence” and he says: “I think becoming a father makes you see the world differently and it’s good. When you’re a young man in your 20s, part of that is making mistakes and learning from them. I just made those in front of everybody, rather than privately.”

2012: He reveals his dad’s struggle with alcohol

Ben tells US TV host Barbara Walters that his father suffered from alcoholism. “He was an alcoholic. I did know that as a child. He drank a lot. My father was a — what did they call him — a real alcoholic. He, you know, drank all day, drank every day, and to his credit, he got sober ultimately. He’s been sober for several decades, which I think is pretty impressive.”

2015: Split with Jennifer

Ben and Jen shocked everyone by announcing they’re splitting up. US reports claimed that Jennifer and Ben ended their marriage after he started a relationship with their children’s nanny — something Jennifer later clarifies had “nothing to do with our decision to divorce”.

2017: Second trip to rehab

Ben announced he had recently been to rehab for alcohol issues, saying: “I have completed treatment for alcohol addiction; something I’ve dealt with in the past and will continue to confront. I’m lucky to have the love of my family and friends, including my co-parent, Jen, who has supported me and cared for our kids as I’ve done the work I set out to do.” The former couple finally file for divorce in April 2017 and later that year, it’s revealed Ben is dating Saturday Night Live producer Lindsay Shookus.

2018: Split with Lindsay

In June 2018, Ben and Lindsay were spotted at lunch with her parents in LA, but by August it was all change. Ben was spotted out with Playboy model Shauna Sexton. Lindsay is seen by paparazzi returning Ben’s car to a parking garage near his house.

The post Ben Affleck’s Dramatic Weight Loss Post-Rehab appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Codependency Cravings Relapse

I’ve been having codependency relapse cravings lately. I wouldn’t call it a complete relapse into old behavior, but I see myself taking on responsibilities that are not mine to take on, and that no one asked me to champion. I also fall back into old patterns and old dynamics that no longer serve me. What’s interesting is, I found these dynamics cause quite a bit of anxiety for me today. Even worse, once I start to go down that road of old behavior, I find myself going into auto-pilot with other old behaviors. It’s a chain reaction on a slippery slope. 

Codependency Cravings Signal Avoidance  

Suddenly, I want to call people, and it’s not to stay in touch. It’s to take on whatever they’re dealing with as a distraction to ignore whatever I’m feeling. Want to know what’s even weirder? I’m at a stage of recovery where I’m able to see the behavior and recognize the compulsion. I can think it through so I don’t take the action, and I can reframe whatever I’m thinking so I can move on with my day. But it feels uncomfortable and makes me realize the codependency disease is still strong in me and that’s a reality check. 

Drama Causes My Codependency  Relapse

I’ll get more specific. Maybe there’s some drama going on at work or in the family. Drama causes me to want to fix things, to make people who are unhappy feel happier by being there for them for their every thought and feeling. That’s not my job as an employee, or as a family member. I’m here to listen and support when asked, but not here to be involved when I should be busy doing other things. Especially putting my own schedule, recovery or work load to the side to help people with theirs. Here are some solutions to deal with those codependency relapse cravings

4 Ways To Stop A Codependency Relapse 

Recognize The Signs 

For me, it’s noticing I’ve blurred boundaries with family, friends and colleagues. All of a sudden, I’m either getting involved with things that are none of my business or I’m bringing work into every aspect of my life instead of doing work on work time and life on life time. Or, I’m missing my recovery life to be there for someone else abandoning the put your air mask on first principle. Just being aware of the issues is first and foremost. 

 Return To Your Program 

I go to a program from time to time for my codependency issues. It’s been suggested to me to bring that program back into my life for a while. It’s hard when you’re in multiple programs, but as one sponsor once said to me, “Point that hose at whatever fire is burning brightest.” 

 Stay Connected With Mentors 

I talk to a professional, sponsor or friend with good judgment about how to get back on track. That looks like re-setting boundaries about my work schedule if necessary, not answering the phone at times I don’t want to be disturbed and getting spiritually centered. This is also where using email and text can be very helpful. You can be very specific and say what you mean without saying it mean in email and text. 

Find Ways To Stop Obsessing

I have a disease of obsession and recovery, for me, often comes down to quieting the mind. Meditation has become a daily practice. Hiking is a useful tool for me because it involves exercise, which has its own scientific magic for the brain. I’m working closely with a sponsor again. I don’t always. I don’t always feel like I need it. But, when I’m struggling, I cling on because I need to do the writing assignments, spiritual reading and whatever else is asked of me to help calm the brain. 

The post Codependency Cravings Relapse appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.