Leslie Glass's Blog, page 250

How To Be The Best Kind Of Loner

From Psychology Today:

Self-awareness, confidence, and knowing what works for them.

Author and advice columnist Dan Savage was asked this question by one of his readers: “Why do I say yes to dates if I love being alone?”

In his answer, Savage pointed to relentless social pressures, then described three kinds of loners:

       “Because we’re constantly told—by our families, our entertainments, our faith traditions—that there’s something wrong with being alone. The healthiest loners shrug it off and don’t search for mates, the complicit loners play along and go through the motions of searching for mates, and the oblivious loners make themselves and others miserable by searching for and landing mates they never wanted.”

The first thing I appreciate about this answer is that Savage is using the word “loner” in the positive and accurate sense of the word. As Anneli Rufus told us in Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto, loners are people who prefer to be alone. They haven’t been rejected or ostracized; they are on their own because they want to be.

Now let’s consider Savage’s three kinds of loners, in reverse order.

Oblivious loners, the ones making “themselves and others miserable by searching for and landing mates they never wanted”:

They don’t know any better. They don’t realize that they are at their best when they are alone. They probably think that they just haven’t found the right person yet. Or maybe they think they have “issues,” and once they work on themselves, they will be ready for a romantic relationship.

There may be people who fit that description, but they are not loners. They are people who really do want to be romantically coupled and need to figure out how to do it. Oblivious loners do have “issues,” but their issues are that they don’t yet understand that they would be happier on their own, and they continue to pursue one ill-fated romantic relationship after another.

There is no need to be judgmental about oblivious loners. As Savage explained, “we’re constantly told—by our families, our entertainments, our faith traditions—that there’s something wrong with being alone.” It is hard to resist a message that is so pervasive and so rarely challenged. Many oblivious loners will not be oblivious forever.

Complicit loners, the ones who “play along and go through the motions of searching for mates”:

They know what they are doing. They keep going on dates and starting new romantic relationships, knowing all the while that they want to be alone.

I think social pressure is to blame for complicit loners, just as it is for oblivious loners. The sad truth is that loners are judged harshly by other people—especially those who do not understand the strength and wisdom involved in living the kind of life that is most fulfilling for you, even if it goes against the prevailing cultural norms. Complicit loners probably realize that judgments would await them if they stopped playing the dating game, so they just keep doing it.

Healthy loners, the ones who shrug off the pressure and “don’t search for mates”:

They are the best kind of loners. They prefer being alone and so that’s how they live. They don’t bother faking it by going through the motions of dating when their heart just isn’t in it.

Healthy loners have a lot in common with people I call “single at heart“: those who live their best, most meaningful, fulfilling, and authentic lives by living single. Some of them are loners in the sense that they like spending time alone, but that’s not a defining characteristic. Some people who are single at heart are very sociable people, as are single people more generally.

(Rufus, by the way, thinks that people can be loners and still be married. She was married when she wrote her loners’ manifesto.)

The road to being a healthy loner, if you really are a loner, is self-awareness. Pay attention to how you feel when you are on a date or thinking about going on a date. If you dread dating, not just because the process can be awful, but because you are not all that psyched to end up in a romantic relationship, that may be a sign that you are a loner.

If you do go on a date and find that you are having a bad time with a good person, and if you never seem to be having a good time no matter what your date involves, that may mean that you would be happier and more comfortable on your own.

What if you do get involved romantically, and the relationship ends? If one of your strongest reactions is a feeling of relief, if you are so very happy to go back to your uncoupled life, then you may well be a loner. Embrace that, and you will be the best kind of loner—a healthy loner.

One big difficulty with all this is that you can’t become a healthy loner if you really aren’t a true loner—someone who prefers to be alone. If you really want to be romantically coupled, and not just because you know you are supposed to want that, then you should probably keep trying. For specific advice, you’ll have to look elsewhere. I’m all about the true loners and the single-at-heart.

The post How To Be The Best Kind Of Loner appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

4 Mindfulness Tips To Start Reducing Stress In Your Life Today

From Entrepreneur:

Use these techniques to ensure better daily mental and physical health.

Whether it’s fleeting, in-the-moment stress or elevated, long-term stress, it’s important to find healthy techniques that allow your mind and body to unwind, relax and regroup. Having spent a decade in wealth management and now running my own business as an entrepreneur, I am no stranger to the fast-paced nature of the work world. Long hours, mounting demands and deadlines, high-pressure — you name it, I’ve felt it. And it wasn’t just taking a toll on me, it was impacting the physical and mental fitness of my colleagues as well.

I had a moment of clarity and realized that I needed to take a step back from my work and focus on what was really important: me!

Avoiding stress, or a feeling of being overwhelmed is nearly impossible; this is a natural part of life and overcoming challenges is what allows us to grow and become even stronger, more powerful versions of ourselves. What is possible is shifting the way you view your stress and learning to better understand and partner with it in healthy ways. If stress isn’t acknowledged and properly managed, it can lead to weight fluctuation, digestive problems, brain fog and even depression. After acknowledging my own levels of stress and its effects on my health, I started implementing four simple concepts into my daily life that helped reduce stress while improving my focus, productivity and creativity. 

1. Reduce stress by putting yourself first.

You are the only CEO of your brain and body and the biggest factor in your success, so try to invest in your peace of mind with relaxation activities a little bit each day. Meditation is one of the best techniques, but it can be challenging at first. If you want to become successful at meditation, you must first be able to do two things: relax and concentrate. These are two abilities that our stimulating modern culture of technology, social media, overworking and multitasking have made very difficult. Start with gentle breathing techniques, restorative yoga and finding small ways to be good to yourself and have more fun. You could try walks, time spent in nature, writing or journaling, artistic activities and playing or listening to calm music without lyrics (lyrics can trigger memories.) If you can practice one of these things every day for just ten minutes per day for the next three weeks, you should see a lot of results. 

2. Don’t forget to breathe.

Proper breathing will help you release physical tension, calm the nervous system, bring new energy into the brain and hit the reset button when you run into challenges and feel overwhelmed. The breath is the best method to shift away from whatever thoughts may be causing you to feel stressed or anxious, and back into the present moment, where you can take effective action from a more peaceful state of mind. Try this quick one-minute exercise: close your eyes and count ten long, slow breaths in and out. Breathe deeply all the way into your belly. Most of my clients prefer to repeat to themselves “inhale one, exhale one, inhale two, exhale two…” and so on, to keep a natural rhythm and pace. Stay fully absorbed in counting, practicing letting go of thoughts and distractions as you breathe out.

3. Take it one task at a time. 

Once you have grasped meditation and self-care practices, become mindful of your work and streamline your workflow. Mindfulness is simply the art of living more fully in the present moment, experiencing life as it is happening. When you work from this state of mindful intention, you reduce distractions and improve productive focus. To bring mindfulness into your daily workflow, try time-blocking your activities and focusing on one task exclusively until it’s complete before moving on. Instead of multitasking, focus first on the areas that add the most value, working through your to-do list one item at a time. When working on tasks you don’t particularly like, rather than treat them as a chore, allow yourself to get creative and discover new experiences within a familiar routine by noticing every aspect of your actions as if for the first time. Become aware of every step and fully immerse yourself in the progress until that item is complete.

4. Give yourself a break and celebrate.

Remember to be proud of all that you accomplish in a day or during the week. No matter how big or small it might seem, take pride in what you do and who you are. Take the top three things you’re grateful for or the accomplishments you want to celebrate and write them down on a piece of paper or Post-It. Then stick it on your bathroom mirror, the keyboard of your laptop, a cupboard door or somewhere else you would see it often as a consistent reminder of what you’ve achieved and what you’re working so hard for. It’s a great motivator to stay on track with goals/passions and what brings you joy. Switch them up daily or at least weekly, but never forget the older ones either.

Turn stress into an asset.

By working towards implementing each of these four ideas into your daily life, you will start to find yourself managing stressful situations with more ease of being and increased mental clarity. You will begin to move towards your goals and ambitions with renewed energy, purpose and motivation. These techniques didn’t come to me overnight. They take time and patience to become second nature and part of a daily routine. It’s worth every minute. Together these four practices helped me find balance in my life and connect with my intended purpose and career path. These techniques allow you to not only improve your physical and mental strength but to allow you to truly thrive at your fullest as you harmonize mind, body and purpose.

The post 4 Mindfulness Tips To Start Reducing Stress In Your Life Today appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Treating A Case Of Toxic Anger

Have you ever had poison ivy? It’s a miserable rash that seethes, oozes, and blisters. It spreads quickly and can even scar. A recent brush with toxic anger affected me in a similar way. Here’s how I’m handling it.

A Toxic Plant

A few years ago, my friend Heather and I went to pick some cherries. The cherry tree was surrounded by a mote of poison ivy. I saw the dangers, knew the risks, and charged ahead. The sweet red cherries were too tempting. This time, I foolishly promised myself, would be different.

It wasn’t it. Heather and I both ended up with an epic case of poison ivy. I spent weeks soaking the blisters in Epsom salt and coating them with over-the-counter creams. Nothing cooled the burning itch, which was a relentless reminder of my choice.

Poison ivy is incredibly contagious. One small patch on your skin can easily spread to your whole body, and one innocent soothing scratch puts your entire body at risk. Whatever area you touch is the next victim and no body part is safe. My left eye once swelled shut from the oozing rash.

A Toxic Person

Recently, I had a run-in with a woman named Susan. Our sons are a part of the same after-school club, and Susan leads the group. Earlier this summer, I signed up to be in charge of our annual fundraiser and it was a huge success.  We more than doubled the amount of donations we normally receive. Last week, Susan asked me to meet for coffee to talk about the fundraiser.

I thought we were going to talk about how successful the fundraiser was, and I was expecting a hearty “Thank You!” or “Way to go!” Instead, Susan yelled at me for changing the fundraiser’s location and told me that my son and I were no longer welcome to attend the club.

I left the coffee shop devastated. The other Moms in this club were some of the first women I met in Florida. They are like family to me, and Susan just cut me off from my support group.

A Contagious Toxin

Susan’s behavior towards me is also extremely contagious because I want to treat her exactly the same way she treated me. I want to humiliate her in public and cut her off from the group. I haven’t, and I won’t, but I want to. I’ve wasted precious time planning out my tirade, knowing I’ll never confront her. I selfishly want to complain to the other moms about how Susan mistreated me. I want sympathy and vindication.

Susan’s demand for me to leave isn’t the reason I left the group. I could have stayed and fought for my position, but honestly, this after school group hasn’t been working for my son or me. I’ve ignored some glaring problems for the last six months because:

Staying in a toxic relationship is easier than finding a new one.

My son and I are now in the market for a new after school program, yet I am still mourning this loss.

A Toxic Anger

I worked through this incident with my sponsor, cried, wrote about my feelings, and read a lot on the subject. I have processed the pain, yet regular reminders resurface, and a toxic anger erupts. My stomach fills with acid and my blood boils. At this point, I have to decide how much time I want to spend fighting off toxic anger and how I want to behave.

I am reminded of the poison ivy. When Heather and I went to pick the cherries, I knew the risks. When I broke out in painful blisters, I didn’t take the quick fix of scratching the rash.

Gossiping about Susan or retaliating in kind would be self-harming, just like scratching poison ivy. To heal from this, I have to set a boundary with myself. I can control what I chose to remember and how often I think about it. I can also re-frame how I look back at the incident:

Susan hurt my feelings and how she leads the group does not work for my son or me.
I empowered myself to find a group that works better for us.

Just because something itches doesn’t mean I have to scratch it.

The post Treating A Case Of Toxic Anger appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

7 Of The Most Powerful Healing Crystals

The Spirit Science:

 In this article we discussed 5 powerful crystals to help you become and stay grounded.

When I wrote that article, I felt such connection to the subject of crystals that today I decided to write another article about the subject.

In today’s article, we’ll explore 7 must-have crystals for healing and energy.

Crystals are known for their superpowers but with the wide variety of crystals, it can be hard to know where to start.

These 7 crystals are some of my all-time favorites. They cover the top areas of life – areas such as love, healing, protection, communication, and so much more.

Let’s dive in:

1. Clear Quartz:

This crystal is my go-to one for amplification and cleansing.

This crystal get’s the number one position on today’s list because of it’s versatility!

This transmitting crystal is known for directing and amplifying energy.  It’s also a great stone to use with other crystals as it strengthens and amplifies the energies of other stones.

On its own, it brings pure white light energy from the Divine to help you with any situation; this pure light energy has amazing healing qualities that can be used to heal the mind, body and spirit.

This crystal is connected to your crown chakra, so this makes it the best stone to use to cleanse the crown chakra.

So, whenever in doubt, always go with a clear quartz.

2. Amethyst:

This one is my go to crystal for Divine connection, purification, and protection.

This purple stone varies in color from shades of pale lavender to dark violet.

Amethyst are great during spiritual development times as it enhances connection with the Devine and strengthens psychic abilities.

It also is a protection stone, making both beginners and advanced crystal workers favor the amethyst.

It’s connected to the third eye chakra, so this makes it the best stone to use to cleanse and enhance the third eye chakra.

Amethyst has high vibrational energies that aid in healing the body from the day to day stresses. It also is a great stone to boost the immune systems and reduce pain.

3. Blue Calcite:

This slightly translucent bluish stone is one of my absolute favorites for so many reasons.

It’s the perfect stone for enhancing memory and brain power. It helps in increasing mental sharpness and boost intuitive abilities.

It’s connected to the Throat Chakra. So if you feel tongue-tied for whatever reason and need some help with open and calm communication then use the aid of  Blue Calcite.

It amplifies the energy in the Throat Chakra, allowing clear communication, especially during difficult times with differing or opposing points of view.

It’s also a great transition and changes stone so make sure you have your hand on this blue stone to keep an optimistic point of view while transitioning.

4. Rose Quartz:

They call this stone the LOVE stone!

I love this stone, and it has a special place in my heart as it’s my secondary birthstone, but that’s not the only reason!

This crystal holds powerful energies that aid in emotional healing, strengthening love and compassion towards yourself and others, and cultivating an attitude of gratitude towards life in general.

This pale pink crystal is connected to the heart chakra, making it the perfect stone to cleanse and strengthen the heart chakra.

So, if you have any heart problems physically or emotionally, then just hold this stone close to your heart and let the stone do its magic.

5. Citrine:

I call this crystal “My Portable Sun” or “My Sun In A Pocket” crystal because Citrine carries within it the sun energies of warmth, joy, happiness, abundance, strength, and confidence.

This slightly yellowish crystal is connected to your 3rd chakra, also known as the solar plexus chakra.

Your 3rd chakra corresponds to the sun and its solar power so having a Citrine crystal near or on you will ensure that your solar plexus chakra is always energized and ready!

Did you know that  If any of your other chakras are compromised, the solar plexus chakra will substitute with it’s own energy the deficiency in that given chakra?

So, always make sure your solar plexus is fully charged with Citrine.

And if you’re having one of these days where everything seems to be a doom and gloom, then just hold this powerful crystal and let the power of the sun brighten your day!

6. Carnelian:

This is a great stone for prosperity, motivation, and protection.

Carnelian aids in attracting prosperity, new resources, and good luck.

It is a talisman for success in any business or new venture.  At the workplace, it is a crystal of ambition, motivation, and determination.

This fiery orange-red stone creates a powerful energetic protection aura to shield you, your home and loved ones from negativity.

This stone is connected to the sacral chakras which make it the ultimate stone to revving up and healing any issues related to the sacral chakra.

For those who are experiencing a sexual lull or infertility issues, make sure to use Carnelian as it helped the sacral chakra to tune up and heal.

7. Hematite:

This black stone is my all time favorite for protection because of its reflective surface.

It can deflect and repel any negative energy sent its way. So make sure to have this stone on you at all times!

This stone is connected to our root chakra which makes its a great grounding stone for when you feel disconnected from your body or your roots.

In conclusion, crystals are an easy and natural way to tune up ourselves mentally, physically and emotionally.

The post 7 Of The Most Powerful Healing Crystals appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Having a Mantra Will Make You Better

From Outside Outline:

Buddhism, Stoicism, and Taoism all teach adherents to repeat particular chants or mantras to steady the mind. Only recently, though, have researchers begun to look into the power of this practice. A 2015 study published in the journal Brain Behavior described research in which participants were asked to lie down, first with no instruction, and then, after a few minutes, with the instruction to silently repeat a simple mantra to themselves. Throughout the test, their brain activity was observed with a functional MRI machine. While they were repeating the mantra, participants had a marked decrease in brain activity, in what neuroscientists call the default mode network—the part of the brain that is involved in planning and self-focused thinking. When they weren’t repeating the mantra, however, participants’ default mode network had normal levels of activity. In layperson’s terms: repeating a mantra occupies the brain enough so that it doesn’t get caught up in obsessing, planning, and wandering. This, the researchers write, accounts for a significant “calming effect.”

As I’ve written before, calm determination—what I define as a state of relaxed and ardent focus—is critical for peak performance, whether you are climbing a mountain, on the starting line of a marathon, or raising a child. Developing a mantra can help you achieve this state, especially in challenging or emotionally charged situations. I’ve used mantras in everything from the lead-up to big athletic events (“trust your training”) to when my son was an infant and waking up constantly throughout the night (“this is what is happening right now”). So long as they are short, memorable, and meaningful, just about any string of words can be effective.
I reached out to several top outdoor athletes to learn if they used mantras. Most of them did and to great benefit—read on to find out what they are. If you are going to experiment with using a mantra, don’t wait to be in the thick of an intense experience. Like any other mental skill, it’s good to practice in lower-stakes situations first.

“Commit and Figure It Out”

“This was first said to me by Rick Ridgeway, and I believe Doug Tompkins said it to him at some point. It applies to everything.” —Jimmy Chin, mountaineer and photographer 

“Be Good”

“Those are the words my dad wrote in his letters home from Vietnam. He died over there when I was three, so these words are really the only words I have from him as a father, but they’ve served me well. These words have guided me throughout my life.” —Rebecca Rusch, mountain-bike and adventure racer

“Focus, Focus, Focus”

“I don’t set out with a mantra in mind, they tend to come to me in the moment when I need them most. Last year [in Colorado], at Leadville, when my knee was feeling weak and unstable—it was only about 80 percent recovered from surgery—it was as simple as repeating this, knowing every step could be my last if I let myself daydream.” —Rob Krar, ultramarathon runner

“You Get to Do This”

“I come back to this mantra when I’m dealing with stress, especially prior to or following races.” —Amelia Boone, Spartan Race champion

“Mood Follows Action”

“Applicable in sport and life. Rather than waiting to ‘feel like’ doing something, the surest way to shift out of your discomfort or resistance is to lean into action. It’s in the doing that we alter our perspective and emotional state—not the other way around.” —Rich Roll, ultra-endurance athlete and podcast host

“You Are Strong, You Are Capable, You Are Strong, You Are Capable”

“I was struggling very badly at the beginning of my 2018 Antarctica expedition, so I started to say this to myself first thing every morning as my alarm went off and I needed to face another long, icy day pulling my sled. Sometimes, with how much struggle I was going through, it was hard to believe my own words, but it got me out of bed and moving every morning.” —Colin O’Brady, adventure athlete and explorer

“This Too Shall Pass”

“I use it both in sport and in life when I’m hurting, as a reminder that the pain is temporary. Whether it’s during a period of intentional overreaching in my training, an episode of depression, or feelings of anxiety when I’m in a crowded, confined space, it’s a reminder that the uncomfortable feelings will fade away with time.” —Sarah True, Olympian and professional triathlete

“Don’t Wish It Away” 

“It’s particularly powerful because some of my races can be 8-plus hours, so you can just be wishing for it to be over from pure discomfort or, if you’re out front, from just wanting to win. But this is a bad headspace to be in. You’ve got be in the race, not in thoughts about wanting it to be over.” —Sonya Looney, mountain-bike racer

“It Means No Worries for the Rest of Your Days. It’s a Problem-Free Philosophy.”

“I’ve never had a real mantra, but occasionally I get snippets of songs stuck in my head on repeat. I can specifically remember having the refrain from ‘Hakuna Matata’ stuck in my head on a scary aid pitch once upon a time.” —Alex Honnold, climber

The post Having a Mantra Will Make You Better appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

4 Ways To Get And Stay Happy

There are ways to get and stay happy, no matter what’s
happening in your life. Really. You see articles about this all the time. In
fact, I’ve been writing about it for decades because I’ve always wanted to
know. The first time I wrote an article about what makes people happy, I asked
them. I took a bunch of surveys. Happy people seemed like super people to me
because I worried a lot and wasn’t happy all the time. And I wondered why my
brain wouldn’t turn off.

That was the old days. We thought that good relationships,
being content with what is, keeping busy, and enjoying work were pretty good
answers for getting happiness. But guess what? Being happy is about engaging
the brain reward system in positive, not negative ways. Imagine that. It’s
neuroscience, not will power.

Get and stay happy with positive brain rewards

Our brain reward system doesn’t know the difference between what’s good for us and what isn’t. It’s just activated. Dopamine and other chemicals are released with brain activity. In the case of substances, our brains are flooded with chemically induced dopamine. We feel good, or deadened, or vividly alive. For a while.

Negative brain activity in a feedback loop might look like
this: We’re mightily tempted by something we shouldn’t have or do, then we give
in and do it. Eating that many cupcakes, and then wanting to do it again, for
example. Or we binge in another way. We feel bad and we feel good. We crash and
want to feel good again. Repeat the feedback loop.

Some things that make us unhappy are reinforced because our brain thinks something useful is happening. Take worry for example. Actually, please take mine. Ironically, worrying activates your brain reward system in much the same way as giving in to a craving. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between positive activity, which would be problem solving, and useless activity, like obsessing over…not being happy.

Why You Have The Sadness Habit May Surprise you

One quick note. It takes fifteen minutes to get over a craving. For that cupcake, cigarette, drink, purchase you can’t afford. If you can distract yourself from that desperate wanting for fifteen minutes, the craving will dissipate. Don’t ask me why. This doesn’t work for opioids and other drug cravings, however, so don’t think for a moment that willpower can overcome a substance use disorder. We’re talking about mood and the feedback loop here.

100 Tips For Growing Up In Recovery

The good news is that you can create your own dopamine
producing feedback loops. Here are four ways.

Be Grateful

This is on the top of everyone’s list for
feelings of wellbeing. This is because feeling grateful activates the brain
stem region that produces dopamine. The antidepressants Wellbutrin and Prozac
also do that job of boosting dopamine and serotonin. Just feeling grateful can
produce the same biological effect. Feeling grateful is a form of emotional
intelligence, and it can do more than just make you happy. One example is telling
people that you appreciate them. It creates a positive feedback loop. People
you connect with feel good, and you feel good. And it creates the feel good
activity you want to repeat. Note to yourself. If you don’t feel grateful, just
thinking about what might make you feel grateful produces a good feeling, too.

Give your negative emotions name

In other words stop denying or hiding your
feelings. A lot of us go around pretending we’re okay when we’re actually dying
or crying inside. Don’t think if you pretend you’re all right you’ll be all
right. Brain activity is working against you when suppress or deny your
emotions. When you put your fears, anger, worries, resentments into words,
however, whatever hurts loses some of its impact. I’m mad, sad, scared. Saying
it in just one or two words allows you to recognize your emotions and neutralize
them. It’s a boost to your brain, and you’ll feel happier.

Make a decision

Say you’re going through stress about
something and can’t stop thinking about it. Hate my job, need a vacation. Must
finish all those projects. How am I going to make more money.  Worrying activates your brain in a negative
way that makes you unhappy. Surprisingly, just making a decision will break the
cycle and make you happy. I’m leaving on that vacation in April. I’ll start
looking for a job and see if something comes up. I’ll do some extra work to get
overtime. This is a shift from endless worry that tricks your mind into
thinking it’s productive to soothing your brain by taking a real mental action.

Connect and Touch

Feeling isolated, unloved, rejected are about
as painful as emotions get. And these feelings of aloneness can be activated so
many ways and replayed in an endless feedback loop of misery. People say that
connection is the opposite of addiction. Connection can happen in just as many
ways. Reaching out to someone else who’s sad and lonely, talking to someone,
holding hands, hugging friends and being hugged in return. These are ways to
short circuit misery and create a new feedback loop of happiness. You can also
achieve this dopamine boost in an exercise or yoga class, having a manicure,
pedicure, or massage. And many other ways.

The post 4 Ways To Get And Stay Happy appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Finding Peace With Yoga Andrew Santry

Finding peace with yoga began for yoga instructor Andrew Santry a few years after he incorporated the 12 Steps into his life. Andrew had no interest in yoga, but attended a Yoga 12 Step Recovery (Y12SR) class with a friend and got hooked. It was another tool to help guide him through recovery.

Yoga came naturally for Santry. During his first Y12SR meeting, his knack for yoga impressed his spaceholder (or, “leader”). At that point in his life, Santry was stuck between two mentalities: “a narcissist with an inferiority complex.” At times, he felt he could do anything, but often, the nagging demons put a damper on his inflated ego. It was a struggle to maintain confidence. But after three months of meetings and classes, Santry found inner peace.

Finding peace with yoga opened my mind

“I also became more aware and open-minded to other people, their actions, and their beliefs,” Santry said. Prior to finding peace with yoga, he admitted to feeling disconnected and judgmental of others who demonstrated different practices. However, once he accepted the diversity yoga brought to his life, he realized that as long as these different practices are helping other people, there’s no reason to feel such negativity.

Yoga is more than poses

Yoga is difficult; there’s no doubt. But with hard work and countless hours of reading and studying, Santry earned certifications in Y12SR, Love Your Brain (yoga for traumatic brain injury), Prison Yoga Project (PYP), and Yogalete (yoga for the athlete). As Y12SR helped him thrive in recovery, he is appreciative for the ability to find his own peace each day and to help others find theirs as well.

Meditation also brings peace

It
takes time to grasp various aspects of yoga. It can be easy to feel deterred
when starting out because they can feel foreign. There are unusual terms to be
learned and vulnerable poses used in particular practices. Meditation, too, can
be daunting due to the belief that to successfully mediate is to have a completely
silent mind. Santry realized that’s not the case.

Meditation
is a big part of helping people find their peace. And there are plenty of
guided meditations that can be applied to every day emotions. To successfully
meditate means to be able to track breathing and control wandering thoughts.
Once the ability to track thoughts and emotions has been mastered during
meditation, the process can be applied to life outside of the yoga studio.
Santry said it helped him find the peace of mind and awareness he never used to
have.

“For the first time, I’m at peace with not knowing where this is going to go.” Santry takes each day at a time, relishing the peace that yoga has brought him. “[I’m] grateful that I found that peace. And I hope that others will know that there is peace available to them. But mostly, I feel gratitude.”

Andrew is a RYT200 yoga instructor with the Dharma Footprint Project and Pineapple Yoga Studio in Sarasota, Florida.

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Giving Your Child A Smartphone Is “Like Giving Them Drugs” Says Top Addiction Expert

From Healthy Food House:

Smartphones have a similar effect to drugs. It may seem awkward and terrible, but that’s the plain truth. Giving your kid a smartphone is like giving them drugs. An addiction therapist in the UK made the claim after becoming aware of the growing smartphone addiction among teens.

Millions of people spend their day scrolling down their news feed, hoping to find something “catchy” on Instagram or Facebook. Well, this “routine” may be as addictive as drugs and alcohol. Do you know that “coming off” these devices may cause similar withdrawal symptoms?

The situation is no longer funny or hilarious. It’s an addiction.

Professor Jennifer Ihm from the Kwangwoon University in Korea released a study based on smartphone addiction. Her study involves 2,000 12-year-olds. The professor explained that this addiction may affect children’s psychological and physical health. Smartphone addiction may also affect your child’s academic success at school.

50% of teenagers use their phone regularly

Studies confirm that over 50% of all teenagers are addicted to their smartphones, and they are well aware of that. About 84% of these teenagers said that they wouldn’t be able to go a day without their smartphone. Wow.

This addiction may cause depression, anxiety, neck/wrist pain, sleep disorders and feelings of insecurity.

Signs of smartphone addiction

How to tell if a person is addicted to their phone? They keep checking their phone for no apparent reason, and spending time away from their phone makes them anxious. Do you know that some people wake up in the middle of the night to check their phones? This leads to poor academic achievement.

This addiction is treated like any other addiction, and “patients” deal with anger, depression, tension and restlessness.

Parents lead their children

According to the journal Paediatrics Child Health, parents set the biggest example for their children. They can prevent this addiction in a very simple way: Stop using your phone that much throughout the day. Your kid won’t see you holding your phone all the time, and that sets a perfect example. Don’t use your phones during meals.

Smartphones and tablets cause mental health issues in two-year-olds

Professors Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell from San Diego State University collected data from 40,000 children in the US. The children were aged between 2 and 17. The results showed that the time children spend on social media or watching videos actually affects their emotional well-being.

About half of the children who use phones for 2 hours or more lose their temper and can’t calm down easily. Children aged 2-5 should use a smartphone as it affects their mental health.

Screens cause behavioral issues

Screen use causes behavioral issues in children and adolescents. Spending four hours a day with their face glued to the screen makes adolescents argumentative and anxious, and they will also have a lack of curiosity. Let’s not forget they will be less sociable, too.

Limit screen time

Children under 5 should use smartphones for an hour. School-aged children and teens can use their phones for two hours.

Smartphones do more harm than good, but unfortunately, some parents ignore that. Yes, smartphones help us get in touch with our friends and family, but overusing these devices may make you anxious and depressed. Limit your screen time, and your kids will follow your example. Simple as that.

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1 in 10 Seniors Binge Drink

From the NY Times by Emily S. Rue

A new study looked at the prevalence of heavy drinking among adults 65 and older, who are especially vulnerable to its effects.

Excessive alcohol use by older adults is a risk factor for a range of health problems, including injury, a study’s authors said.CreditCreditAn Rong Xu for The New York Times

Excessive alcohol consumption is not safe for a person at any age, but it is particularly dangerous for older adults.

And according to a study published this week, about one in 10 older adults is considered a binge drinker.

“Binge drinking, even episodically or infrequently, may negatively affect other health conditions by exacerbating disease, interacting with prescribed medications and complicating disease management,” said Dr. Benjamin Han, the lead author of the study that was published on Wednesday in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society.

Alcohol is also a risk factor for injury, Dr. Han said, but the consequences and recovery from a fall are much more serious for an 81-year-old than a 21-year-old.

The study defined binge drinking as consuming five or more drinks in a sitting for men, and four or more drinks in a sitting for women. And a drink equaled a can or bottle of beer, a glass of wine or a wine cooler, a shot of liquor, or a mixed drink with liquor in it.

Dr. Han’s group analyzed data from the annual U.S. National Survey on Drug Use and Health between 2015 and 2017. In all, the findings included 10,927 adults aged 65 or older who reported their drinking habits in the previous 30 days.

The group did not include adults living in long-term-care facilities or nursing homes, Dr. Han added.

The prevalence of binge drinking among adults 65 and older is still relatively low compared with other age groups, Dr. Han said. Over 38 percent of college-aged adults, 18 to 25, had recently drunk excessively, the highest prevalence of any age group. Adults ages 26 to 34 had only slightly fewer binge drinkers, and the second highest percentage, the study found.

While the drinking habits of teenagers and younger people has been a focus for clinicians and researchers, more attention should be paid to older adults, Dr. Han said.

Timothy S. Naimi, an alcohol epidemiologist and professor at Boston University’s Schools of Medicine and Public Health, said the one in 10 figure “is an impressive number and it’s concerning.”

The number is “undoubtedly an underestimate,” he added, because people tend to miscalculate how much they actually drink and heavy drinkers are less likely to be available or to be included in surveys for other reasons.

Dr. Han said he hoped the study would emphasize the importance for clinicians to screen older patients for alcohol use and to educate them about how their bodies become more sensitive to alcohol as they age.

The study did not examine the causes of excessive drinking or whether this number represents an increase or a decrease from previous years. However, Joseph J. Palamar, an associate professor at New York University School of Medicine and an author of the study, pointed to the cohort itself as a factor.

“I believe that this is driven in part by the baby boomers aging,” Dr. Palamar said, about a group that was more likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol than the generation before it.

Dr. George F. Koob, the director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, one of the organizations that funded the study, said the findings confirmed trends they have been monitoring.

In 2017, epidemiologists at the institute published a study using data from 2001-2 and 2012-13 that showed that problem drinking was rising among older Americans.

And more women of all ages, who are more susceptible to alcohol-related problems than men, are drinking heavily, Dr. Koob added.

“In the old days, many, many more men drank than women,” he said. “And now the gap is closing.”

This week’s study crystallized a very real problem, Dr. Koob said, especially the pharmacological aspect.

“You can actually kill yourself much more easily with alcohol combined with one of these pills,” he said.

“This is the elephant in the room piece about alcohol that society doesn’t understand,” he said, that alcohol “is a drug and when it’s taken in excess, it can have some pretty harmful effects.”

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5 Tips For Dating In Recovery –

There are some very real challenges to dating in recovery from Substance Use Disorder (SUD). This is the official name for addiction. Remember that substance use changes brain function. SUD is defined as a chronic, relapsing brain disease. No judgement here. It is what it is.

When you have a disease and you are dating, you have to take into account how that disease has changed you and your behavior, and the way other people react to what you have. There is plenty of stigma attached to substance use, and not enough understanding of what it takes beyond just not using substances to become a healthy person again. Those in recovery need to learn a whole new way of being before healthy relationships can be established. And this goes for family members coping with the disease in a loved one as well. Everyone is impacted and hurt by this disease. Everyone needs to understand it, and use tools to heal.

Recovery Experts Say It Takes Two Years For The Brain To Heal

Dating in early recovery means being with someone who hasn’t fully recovered from the effects of substances on the brain. You can’t just stop drinking and be the very best you can be. Negative behaviors that were learned in use will still be with you. An effective treatment program should include therapy and some kind of 12 step program (AA, Al-Anon, Smart Recovery, Celebrate Recovery are a few examples) as well as family and other kinds of support to learn a healthier way to manage life and relationships.

100 Tips For Growing Up Just Published Get It Now
What Do People In Recovery Have To Learn

People who have SUD  love to overdo whatever they love.  It’s a disease of too much-ness. This too much-ness that makes life so messy has created cover-up strategies to hide or excuse the behaviors. Those in new recovery are very familiar with the survival skills that worked for them in substance use, but do not work for them in recovery. Honesty has gone by the wayside a long time ago. Manipulation of others is another behavior that goes along with substance use, as well as not taking responsibility for incidents that hurt others. These behaviors occur with very good people, and can be reversed with time. Old habits can change, but not overnight.

Dating in Recovery What comes first

In early recovery, so much is new, and often painful.  People feel shame for what has occurred. They feel the stigma that others often have about their illness. And they may feel they have missed out on life, and their peers are doing much better than they are. In addition, alcohol or other substances have been masking many of their emotions for years. Now, in recovery people are raw and vulnerable. They have to start over without knowing what fun is, what honest relationships look like and feel like. They may feel an emotional spectrum in brighter colors, but not how to negotiate the ups and downs that come with relationships of all kinds.

For all of us who have experienced the recovery journey, this is the time to slow down and concentrate on finding the real you.  The new you, and there is a new you, will emerge from this journey. Being with others who are experiencing the same things, will help you to live comfortably with who you really are and what your life can be on the other side of addiction. Sponsors, therapists, recovery coaches, and those in the programs with you will help you come out of your shell and move forward. Dating during this period is not a good idea.

Anxieties Abound When Dating Does Begin

Here are some things people in recovery worry about:

Will my date accept the fact that I am not drinking alcohol or using drugs anymore? This worry assumes you are dating people who still drink and party. A good idea is not to date people who are either still in active use, or are “normies” who enjoy having a drink or two but stop when they feel they’ve had enough. People who think they need to be drinking to have a good time are not a good choice for those who need another, safer way to have fun. Later on many people feel more comfortable around people who have a drink or two. But it’s never fun to be with heavy drinkers or druggers.

Is my addiction/recovery going to determine our next date?  This worry is about whether a person’s SUD and/or recovery by itself will be the reason he (or she) doesn’t get a second date. Rest assured that your personality and authenticity as a person is what will determine your attractiveness, not your history with substances as long as you have responsible behaviors to go along with your personality.

Will dating trigger a relapse? This is a legitimate concern. If you want to be part of the drinking crowd and feel that you have to join in, or someone is urging you to have a drink, or a smoke, or a pill, you are definitely at risk for a relapse. So, who you date matters, and what you do on your dates also matters.

5 Tips For Sober Dating

Stick with your program and attend meetings, therapy and coaching, as well as follow-up doctor appointments
Be honest with your date about your SUD and recovery because open communication and truthfulness is the base for a strong lasting relationship.
Learn to accept the response of your date.  There will be times that he (or she) will be able to handle your SUD and recovery without judgment and sometimes not
Make absolutely sure, above all, that your sobriety comes first. Your sobriety is a matter of life or death.
Do not rush dating.  Make an emotional assessment whether you are ready or not for dating.  Perhaps you need to work on yourself for a longer period.

Dating in recovery is possible.  It is only natural to want that special someone to be with and love. Just remember that sober reference,  (experiencing the ups and downs of everyday life without drama or falling into crisis mode) is necessary to build the foundation of stability that healthy relationships require.

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