Leslie Glass's Blog, page 253

Half Of Young Drinkers Are Unaware Of Health Messages On Alcohol Packaging

From Science Daily:

Just half of 11-19 year old drinkers recall seeing health messages or warnings on alcohol packaging — despite being an important target market for this information, according to new research.

Published in the Journal of Public Health, the research — led by the University of Stirling and the Cancer Policy Research Centre at Cancer Research UK — investigated to what extent 11-19 year olds in the UK were aware of product information, health messaging or warnings on alcohol packaging during the previous month.

The research team found that, of those who identified themselves as ‘current drinkers’, just half had recalled seeing such information — and that fell to just one third of the entire age group, regardless of their current drinking status.

It is the first study to examine awareness and recall of such messaging in a large and demographically representative sample of young people across the UK — and experts believe the findings will support the debate around the design, effectiveness, and regulation of alcohol labelling in the UK.

Dr Nathan Critchlow, Research Fellow in Stirling’s Institute for Social Marketing (ISM), led the study. He said: “In the UK and internationally, there are frequent calls to increase the visibility, comprehension and effectiveness of labelling on alcohol packaging. In particular, critics often point to the statutory steps taken for nutritional labelling on food and drinks, or health warnings and messaging on tobacco products, and ask why alcohol labelling — which is self-regulated by the industry — is not as progressive.

“The Scottish Government has also included a commitment in their latest strategy to consider mandatory labelling if the alcohol industry does not improve visibility and clarity by September 2019, while the Republic of Ireland already have plans to introduce similar legislation.

“Our latest research provides a timely and unique insight that will help inform these debates.”

Dr Critchlow carried out the study with ISM colleagues Dr Crawford Moodie, Dr Niamh Fitzgerald, Anne Marie MacKintosh and Daniel Jones, alongside Chris Thomas, Jyotsna Vohra, and Lucie Hooper, of the Cancer Policy Research Centre at Cancer Research UK.

The study used data from the 2017 Youth Alcohol Policy Survey — a cross-sectional, YouGov-conducted survey with 11 to 19-year-olds across the UK. Participants were asked whether they had seen any product information, health messages or warnings on alcohol packaging in the past month and, if so, what messages they recalled. This age group is particularly important as exposure to clear and effective messaging during their formative drinking experiences may have a sustained impact on alcohol-related knowledge, attitudes and behaviour.

“We explored awareness of such information and differences between population groups and different levels of alcohol consumption, such as whether a young person currently drank alcohol or not,” Dr Critchlow explained.

“Only a third of 11-19 year olds recalled seeing product information, health messages or warnings on alcohol packaging in the past month. In particular, only around half of current drinkers were aware of such messaging, despite being an important target market for this information.

“Recall of specific messages was also low; almost half of young people were unsure what messages they had seen and most specific messages were only recalled by a minority of young people. This included those related to drinking guidelines, health effects, or alcohol being an age-restricted product.”

Co-author Dr Jyotsna Vohra, Cancer Research UK’s head of cancer policy research, said: “Beyond the fact that children are drinking underage, it’s worrying that only half can recall seeing important health warnings. And what is just as concerning is that many of these labels don’t give all the information the CMO [Chief Medical Officer] says they should, including highlighting the risk between alcohol and cancer. Alcohol is linked to seven types of cancer in adults and is responsible for over 12,000 cases annually, yet only one in 10 people are aware of this risk.”

“The more a person drinks, the greater their risk of cancer. This is why it’s important to do more to reduce drinking in the UK. All labelling must also clearly note that people should not drink more than 14 units per week. And while not everyone who drinks will go on to develop cancer, there’s no harm in cutting down.”

The paper, Awareness of product-related information, health messages, and warnings on alcohol packaging among adolescents: A cross-sectional survey in the United Kingdom, is published in the Journal of Public Health and was funded by the Cancer Policy Research Centre at Cancer Research UK.

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Top 5 Adulting Tips For Millenials

Millennials are now out of high school and well into our journey of adulting. It’s safe to say that none of us were handed a “Life for Dummies” book when we were born. And if you did receive one, where the heck is mine? I know I could have used plenty of adulting tips.

As a young millennial, I have a laundry list of lessons I’ve learned that I wish could’ve been taught in some sort of high school senior course. But to avoid writing an epic, here are my top five adulting tips:

1. Stop looking for the adult in the room

It’s probably you. That’s right. We may all still feel like teenagers, but we’ve been out of high school for at least four years now. Our priorities and responsibilities have changed drastically since we stood on those bleachers and sang our high school alma mater. 

2. You can’t always win

It’s not possible to constantly be the best. It took me a while to learn this and sometimes, I still have to take a step back and think. Not everyone will like you. Not everyone will appreciate your work. Someone else has to take first place. Otherwise, winning gets boring. 

3. Lower your expectations

Loosen your grip. No one likes to be disappointed, but that’s a huge part of life. There are so many things that are out of our control, no matter how much we hate it. I don’t want this to be confused with “don’t care” or “don’t work hard.” No. Work your butt off and try to be your best each day. If that leads to a positive outcome, congratulations. Enjoy that pat on the back and get back out there. 

4. It’s really okay to talk on the phone

A lot of us need to hear it—me included. I hate talking on the phone. I would rather spend a whole hour texting back and forth than get on the phone for a minute. Who else can relate? The unfortunate thing is, now that we’re adults, we’re expected to actually call offices to make our own appointments.  
5. Don’t be afraid to laugh

5. Don’t be afraid to laugh

There is so much anger and upset in this world and not enough people let loose long enough to share a good laugh. Life? It’s hard. Does it come with disappointments? For sure. Are there weird, frustrating moments that just don’t make any sense? No doubt. But you have to laugh at some of these things, otherwise they’ll just drag you down. Can’t laugh at the situation? Pull up YouTube and watch something funny. Read a humor blog. Go online and find some solid memes. Talk to friends or a relative. Just don’t let life keep you down.

Need 100 Tips For Growing Up We Have It

We’re all going through life at our own paces and have different experiences. Maybe you have valuable knowledge that has helped you get through tough times. What are some lessons you wish you knew when you were entering adulthood?

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The Two Faces of Marijuana

From Psychology Today:

Medical marijuana and THC have very different effects on the brain.

As marijuana is legalized in state after state, it is important to understand its effects on the brain. Effects of the two main cannabinoids found in marijuana, CBD and THC, are very different Unfortunately, the legalization debate conflates the two cannabis products.

The case for Legalizing Cannabidiol (CBD)

Although hampered by legal difficulties in conducting research, the prospects for medical marijuana seem bright with a myriad of applications from controlling seizures in young children, to reducing pain for glaucoma patients, facilitating sleep, treating chronic pain, or reducing nausea for patients on chemotherapy.

Instead of being the dangerous drug depicted in movies such as Reefer Madness, cannabidiol is a generally benign agent with an exceptionally broad portfolio of pharmacological benefits. States that have legalized medical marijuana have made these potential benefits easily available to large numbers of residents.

Unfortunately, in the process, they have also made THC, a drug with potentially negative or dangerous side effects, available to large numbers of people. This includes persons younger than 21 years who are not legally allowed to obtain the drug but may be able to purchase it on the street.

Why can recreational marijuana be so dangerous? Why are teenagers so vulnerable to it?

The Case for Controlling THC

Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) is a cannabinoid produced by the cannabis plant that can cause anxiety, hallucinations, or psychosis-like symptoms. Modern production methods, including indoor growing operations, are thought to have increased THC potency in cannabis plants. Some methods of administration, such as smoking cannabis resin, increase its potency even more.

These factors likely increase the risk of cannabis dependence among contemporary users.

In addition to the possibility of dependence, THC produces a long list of side effects ranging from the troublesome to the dangerous.

Some of these side effects are particularly troubling in relation to adolescents. THC use impairs learning and memory at a phase in their lives when education is particularly important. Teenagers using the drug are less likely to excel in academics.

In addition to such acute effects, there are serious chronic effects on the developing brain. In some studies, habitual users had reduced IQ scores at the age of 38. Of course, we do not know if this is a causal relationship. It could be that habitual users of THC are different from the rest of the population to begin with.

Researchers find that chronic users have diminished neural activity in areas of the brain associated with learning, memory, and executive function. This results in problems with impulse control and reduced prospects for social and occupational success.

In addition to this range of challenges to the developing brain, adolescent THC use is associated with an increased risk of psychosis. This is because prolonged use compromises neurotransmitter systems that are implicated in schizophrenia.

Given these many issues, it seems obvious that adolescents should steer clear of the drug. Yet, this is unlikely to happen if it is widely available.

Names Matter

In legalizing marijuana, states may find themselves condoning the use of two very different components of the plant—CBD and THC. The first—CBD—has many potential medical applications but few deleterious side effects. Many experts believe that its greater use could have widespread benefits. The second—THC—brings a wide variety of risks, particularly if highly potent varieties are used and if they are consumed in concentrated forms that are becoming popular among young people.

THC has many adverse side effects. It is potentially addictive. It may compromise the normal development of impulse control and it is a factor in the emergence of psychosis. These adverse side effects are most serious in the case of adolescents whose brains are not yet fully mature. Given these problems, THC should be controlled for precisely the same reasons that other dangerous drugs are legally regulated.

Unfortunately, the distinction between CBD and THC is often obscured in campaigns to legalize “marijuana,” as though only one component of the plant were involved. Names matter and legalizing very different substances from cannabis conflates a potentially dangerous drug with a benign medicinal agent.

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People Are More Likely To Try Drugs For The First Time During The Summer

From Science Daily:

American teenagers and adults are more likely to try illegal or recreational drugs for the first time in the summer, a new study shows.

Led by researchers at NYU School of Medicine, the study found that over a third (34 percent) of recent LSD initiates first used the drug in the summer. In addition, 30 percent of marijuana, 30 percent of ecstasy (also known as MDMA or Molly), and 28 percent of cocaine use was found to begin in summer months.

“First-time users may be unfamiliar with the effects of various drugs, so it is important to first understand when people are most likely to start these behaviors,” says study senior investigator Joseph J. Palamar, MPH, PhD, an associate professor in the Department of Population Health at NYU School of Medicine.

In 2017, according to the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, more than 3 million people in the United States tried LSD, marijuana, cocaine, or ecstasy for the first time.

Publishing online July 23 in the Journal of General Internal Medicine, the study used data collected from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health between 2011 and 2017 involving about 394,415 people ages 12 and older. Participants were surveyed about their use of various drugs through a computer-assisted interview. New users were asked to recall the month and year when they initiated use.

The investigators suggest that the results could be explained, in part, by people having extra recreational time during the summer, as well as the growing popularity of outdoor activities, such as music festivals, at which recreational drug use is common.

“Parents and educators who are concerned about their kids need to educate them year-round about potential risks associated with drug use, but special emphasis appears to be needed before or during summer months when rates of initiation increase,” says Palamar, who is also a researcher in the Center for Drug Use and HIV/HCV Research at NYU College of Global Public Health.

Palamar recommends that potential users become educated about the drugs they are going to use and their side effects. He further recommends, based on previous research, having the company of trusted friends when taking drugs for the first time, drinking enough fluids, and getting enough rest to avoid dehydration, exhaustion, or more serious outcomes such as heat stroke.

The investigators stress that further research is needed to determine the particular situations — especially in the summer — when people are most likely to use drugs for the first time and to determine the extent to which use is planned or unplanned.

Funding for the study was provided by National Institutes of Health grants R01DA044207 and K01DA038800.

In addition to Palamar, others study investigators include Catherine Rutherford, BS, and Katherine M. Keyes, PhD, from Columbia University.

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Brian “Head” Welch Walks Through The Door

From Psychology Today:

The Korn guitarist discusses mental health and the Loud Krazy Love movie.

“Life is degrading and silently making me
Spun out inside my own head
Spewing and craving, this darkness is baiting me
Down the road to my own death”

—From “You’ll Never Find Me” by Korn

Like many of us, Brian “Head” Welch grew up with rock and roll fantasies.

“When I was a kid…I wanted to be a rock star like AC/DC or Randy Rhoads or Eddie Van Halen. I could just get lost in the fantasy and lost in the sounds of creating music,” Welch told me. “I would just love the thought of, ‘Oh that would be so cool if I could figure out my life and make a living with music and be a rock star’ and all that.”

But unlike many of us, Welch actually grew up to become a rock star. Welch is the guitarist of nu metal pioneer Korn. Korn’s eponymous 1994 album is considered the best nu metal album of all time by Revolver, Loudwire, and Kerrang!, and one of the best heavy metal albums of all time by Rolling Stone. 

And 25 years later they are still going strong, touring the United States with Alice in Chains and releasing their new album The Nothing in September.

At first, Welch’s rock star reality matched the fantasy. “I did actually have a great time the first five years of the band,” he said. “We were building up to that mountain—number one in the country—we were building up to that so the ride up was amazing.” But finding out that our fantasies do not protect us from real-world realities can be crushing. And in his Showtime movie Loud Krazy Love, Welch shares not only his history of depression and addiction, but also how it was spirituality rather than rock stardom that helped him recover. 

Welch shared how he struggled with depression. And despite attempting to present as someone enjoying his success, he simply could not find peace. “I was a mess…just a lot of depression and self-loathing…You put on the face and you try to have a good time. Professional musicians are just people that want to do that for a living—it’s just a job. It’s not like a magical thing that makes us perfect. If you’re a depressed person and you’re a landscaper then you’re going to be a miserable landscaper,” Welch recalled. “I’m making it in music and so you think that this is going to be the answer—maybe this will cure your mental health issues. You see people all the time that are famous and that are rich and it does not cure the depression or doesn’t bring happiness.

“It is awesome but we are all lost humans.”

In fact, rock stardom actually made Welch’s mental health worse. As an example, Welch felt that no matter how gratifying being on stage and performing was, he would repeatedly have to contend with being away from his wife and young daughter. “The stage is so awesome. You stay at nice hotels and everything but then you have the other side of it where you’re gone from your family. There was no FaceTime back then,” he described. “You’re on the phone trying to keep your wife feeling that she’s very loved by you and that she’s the only one. And then you have the kids that are missing their dad or don’t know who they are yet when they’re babies. You come home and they look at you and they go run to their mom.

“And it’s like, ‘No I’m daddy.’” 

And while Welch loved performing live shows, repeating the same show day in and day out often felt difficult. This was no doubt worsened by depression, where some of the main symptoms are loss of pleasure and energy. “From the stage, it looks all glamorous—you stay in nice hotels and you make good money. But then what it actually feels like is like you’re a carny—like you’re in a carnival,” Welch said. “And you go there and you set up your tent…It’s not every day but you do your same show that you did the night before and you try to have passion for it and not be like, ‘Oh my gosh I’m doing the same thing I did yesterday.’ And it’s a month into it so it’s the 28th night in a row or whatever.”

Soon, Welch found that drugs and alcohol pervaded his rock star world, resulting in addiction and exacerbating his depression. “Me and my friends…tons of us are dealing with mental issues. When you have the drugs mixed in, then you have massive emotional issues that will come with the effects of the drugs—the hangovers, the depression,” he explained. “And then you have the drug dealers that are there…it’s like a party every night. People come and want to hang out with the band every night and there are guests. It’s like if you’re at home and had guests in your house every night it would get a little old right? So, I think people cope with it by drinking socially—drinking and doing drugs to just deal with it because it’s just not normal life.

“That’s why I became miserable.”

Soon, everything around Welch started to fall apart. He left Korn in 2005 and, eventually, divorced his wife. “I couldn’t keep anything together…my marriage failed…the band relationships were hell. I was doing business with friends and those friendships were suffering because of disagreements,” he said. “I’m supposed to be happy living this dream. But my wife’s gone…my bandmates, they’re all addicts… We all turned into idiot freaking prideful rock stars. Everything was a mess and I didn’t like living. And I didn’t know what to teach my daughter… I’m like ‘Go for your dreams and when you reach your goals you’ll be so happy.’… I have everything I ever wanted and I’m miserable.”

As the trappings of rock stardom failed to provide Welch with the peace that he craved, he began to focus on what he could do internally to make a change. “So, there was something inside internal that I had to start to work on. I wanted to have peace in my life. I wanted to have happiness. I wanted to be content,” Welch explained. “And I was just like a yo-yo – my emotions going up and down. I didn’t want to freak out over things that would make me angry. Things like my daughter disobeying… But most of all I wanted my daughter to have stable parents and be like this is what a mature adult looks like. I was like this teenager trapped in an adult body and with just flawed emotions like a teenager at mid-thirties.”

Soon Welch found peace in what he considered an unlikely place – religion and spirituality. He was reluctant, to say the least. “And so I ended up at this church which I didn’t want to go to because I thought all those people are like Ned Flanders from The Simpsons. You just don’t like them and they are irritating. But they just said, basically, ‘This is what the Bible teaches and he’ll come and live inside of you and you can test it for yourself. Don’t believe us, go figure it out in your personal time.’ And so I did that. I was like okay I’m going to try it. I went in my personal time and tried everything and it really worked. And that was a big thing,” Welch described. “After that, the lights turned on and I’m like this stuff is real and I can connect with this Jesus from the afterlife and get healing. Now, the process begins. It was like a door that opened to a big process.”

As Welch describes it, he spent the next several years working specifically on how to understand and manage his emotional reactions. In order to do so, Welch found himself making a distinction between what he felt were more acute emotional reactions and what he considered to be more enduring spiritual beliefs. He felt that his ability to work on both issues contributed to his recovery.

“Every relationship I ever had… I feel like I ran to the ground because my emotions were out of control. I wanted to be a loving person. But I didn’t know how to love a person because I didn’t love myself. It’s like my heart had been shattered in a million pieces over mostly my own mistakes and ruining the relationships,” he said. “I feel like the emotional aspect of what I’m talking about is more of our human responses…what we have to deal with here emotionally. And the spiritual is more like the eternal, the afterlife … To me that’s a fear that feels real to people – possibly being miserable forever – eternally miserable. I just know that my experience spiritually through Christ has been like the negative emotional memories that were stored up in my inner life have been completely erased. The things that wounded me to even to think about or talk about – I don’t feel the sting of the emotional pain from that anymore.”

Welch was quick to clarify that his approach to religion does not have a “political” bent. “I felt a love from a different dimension. That is how I can describe it. I’m not like the political Christianity or American religiousChristianity,” Welch described. “Mine was deeply personal and internal – like a deep feeling of love, forgiveness, acceptance. It’s not, ‘Well we believe this so this is what I want everyone to live as.’ Humanity has been given free will and free choice so we can all choose what we want. Christ wants to live in us – he says that you are in me and I am in you. And that’s where faith comes in – but it’s love. 

“You don’t judge.”

Part of Welch’s ability to be in a more non-judgmental space has developed through his meditation practice. “I have a lot of peace and when things happen I don’t fall into this gut reaction of anger or stress or rage – I usually just can take it. I’m human so you have emotions that come but they’re way less tense and I can deal with them now,” he explained. “I’ve learned how to contemplate with the meditation. Mine’s just more relational with God – contemplation – just quiet prayer where you’re almost listening and just feeling and having that experience.”

Having this more non-judgmental perspective also allowed him to challenge the stigma of taking psychotropic medication. When Welch initially embraced a more spiritual lifestyle, he stopped taking all forms of medication. But eventually, he felt that medication to manage his mood could be consistent with his religious beliefs. “I took a lot of medication before I had that spiritual door open. I took anti-depressants like Celexa. I took Xanax in an unhealthy way. I would take Xanax every day, but if I started partying a lot and then started doing coke I would take more Xanax. You know you can’t do it like that – you’ve got to take it in a responsible manner,” Welch said.

“So when I became spiritual I stopped taking all medication for like a year. It was the thing where I’m like okay I’m going to find my peace from that love…and I’ll be fixed from that. And about a year goes by and some of those old dark feelings came back. And I think there’s a stigma sometimes with medication. I’m back on Celexa and I have been for years… and it helps level my emotions.”

In Loud Krazy Love, Welch discusses how he feels now that he’s gotten to a better place in his life. He has returned to Korn, and has reconnected with his daughter, Jennea. “We communicate and when we do have issues just like every family does we know how to talk about it or take a break and come back, you know,” he described. “So, everything is better now. Everything emotionally, relationally, in every aspect of my life and business-wise too. So everything has improved.”

And Welch is hoping that by sharing his story through Loud Krazy Love he will help others who may be going through similar circumstances. “I just feel that it’s so important to be open and vulnerable…because rock stars are just people and we deal with issues and we have to get through life just like everybody else. And so, in the movie I share so many personal things – a lot of failures, getting through issues that, mistakes that I’ve caused and the ramifications of those. I’m going through the healing and all that so I’m really proud of that aspect of the movie,” Welch explained.

“Everybody knows someone that’s addicted to alcohol or drugs so I just think that it would cross over to a lot of different people and, hopefully, it will. I know it is. I’m hoping it’s a slow burner – that word of mouth gets spread around and just helps a lot of people.”

 

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Somebody’s Getting Groomed Tomorrow

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Tuesday’s Message

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Negative Psychology

From Psychology Today:

Do you focus on positive self-talk only to end up in the same negative spiral?

Wherever you turn, be it the pop-psychology section at bookstores, self-help gurus, or even personal growth seminars, the proponents of positive psychology will tell you the means toward growth and healing is dismissing your negative thoughts and adopting positive thoughts about yourself, your relationships, and/or your situation.

As a therapist and workshop facilitator specializing in addictions, trauma, and cultural shame, what’s often missing from these overarching directives is either the misunderstanding of negative thoughts or a misplaced beliefthat a person can willfully push their negative thoughts to the side and substitute them with more positive ones.

In recent years, there’s been a growing outreach in educating people about trauma-informed care. This is a recognition that we must delve deeper into why a person can carry such negative or distorted views about themselves, their abilities, and their future, based on their being impacted by adversity, neglect, abuse, or trauma.

In other words, no one wakes up one day and has negative thoughts just take hold in their lives.

For reference, here are a few common negative thoughts that can ensnare an individual: 

I am not lovable.I am a bad person.I am worthless.I am not good enough.I cannot succeed.I deserve to die.I have to be perfect.I cannot trust anyone.

Common “positive” psychology would have you simply replace these negative thoughts with an alternate positive one. If it were that easy, we would live in a world without the need to acknowledge and heal from trauma.  

Trauma-informed care takes into account that a person’s way of thinking is a byproduct of their primary relationships and the formative experiences that may have led to these deep-seated thoughts in the first place.

For example, in traditional, Asian collectivist cultures, where shaming is utilized as a means of child-rearing, it’s very common for Asians to struggle with a severe sense of cultural shame where they perpetually think, “I’m not good enough.” No matter their achievements or successes in life, there’s an abject sense of defectiveness to the core. 

In trauma-informed care, the goal is similar to positive psychology, in getting a person to think of themselves as lovable, accepted, and deserving of forgiveness and grace. But the big difference with trauma-informed care is that healers are willing to explore a person’s past to get to the origin of these negative thoughts.

Exploration means a willingness and comfort level with addressing the neglect, trauma, or lack of validation that led to the negative thoughts in the first place, no matter the time needed to devote to the cause.

Everyone, especially here in America, wants a quick fix. While there are some folks who miraculously heal (i.e., from negative thoughts, addictions, wounds, etc.), the majority of us will need much more time than what’s promised by glossy brochures, books, or the words of your favorite author or self-help expert.  

Now, healing can be accelerated beyond just traditional one-to-one therapy, but you’ll have to accept the cost—not the cost in fees per se, but the cost in vulnerability. In my years doing both one-on-one therapy and group work (as well as being a client in both modalities), I can affirm and vouch for the effectiveness of group healing. Whether it’s a 12-step group, group therapy, or a group of people with a shared desire to grow, the effectiveness cannot be overstated.  

We are wounded in relationships, and thus healing occurs in healthy relationships. The multiplicity of relationships available in a group format offers the opportunity to increase the trajectory of healing for most people. This is because the group provides an audience that “hears” your story, can validate your feelings, and gives you the empathy often missing within yourself and those who were part of your wounding.

So if you’re someone who tends to believe in “positive” psychology, but questions why it’s not working, those of us in trauma-informed care will tell you it’s time to embrace “negative” psychology.

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4 Questions Reveal Relationship Fails

Want to know if there are relationships fails with your significant other?  Everything may seem okay, but how many couples are really treating each other in the right ways?  Sure, I know some couples who seem totally enlightened, supportive of each other, attractive, loving, living their best life, but what about the rest of us?

What are the relationship fails we need to watch out for 

Maybe we’re divorced and hunting. Maybe we’ve never met the right one. Maybe we’ve found relationships, but they’re far from perfect, or maybe we’re in and out of relationships. Whatever the case may be for the majority of people, relationships take work. They don’t fall into your lap, and they don’t flourish if you don’t nourish them.

For myself, a person in recovery, there are all kinds of added issues in relationships. If I’m having a totally honest moment, I’ll admit that serious, committed relationships can sometimes make me feel uncomfortable. So, I work at it. Here are some questions I’ve learned to ask myself along the way that today help me determine if I’m with the right person and if the relationship has sustainability.

Do You Need Help Growing Up in Recovery
Ask these questions to reveal relationships fails
1. Am I able to be myself with this person?

This is also known as, who am I bringing to the table in this relationship? The best version of myself? The grown-up who is smart, stable and responsible. Or, am I showing up as a different version of myself? And, if so, why? These are super important things to determine quickly because I’ve had relationships in the past where I knew I didn’t have to show up as my best self. Looking back I know why I did that and my motives were not solid. It’s critical to sort my motives out early so I don’t find myself playing a part I’ll resent later.

2.  Are there things about the person I’m keeping a secret?

Sometimes it seems like the path of least resistance to keep something about the person you’re dating secret from friends, relatives, and sponsors because it may concern them and you don’t think it’s a problem. I’ll speak for myself—I was dating someone a while back who had one business venture in a drug business. I neglected to mention this because I knew my friends and family would frown. Turns out, it did make me uncomfortable, and after the relationship ended, I was relieved to not see drugs around the house. If I’m keeping something a secret about the person I’m dating, it’s a huge red flag.

3. Does this person help me stay on the beam, or make me feel like I’m going to fall off?

This is a tough one because sometimes the people we fall for aren’t the best for us. Someone once told me that real, sustainable loves happens with people you feel totally comfortable with—it’s easy from the start, it feels safe, and they don’t make you crazy. I’m not embarrassed to admit I’ve fallen for the exciting, intoxicating kind of love, but it never lasts. Love at first fight, lust, whatever you want to call it rarely translates into a healthy, long-term relationship. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen. There are always exceptions to the rule. My experience has shown me that people who are exciting or intoxicating might be fun but rarely show up as the dependable partners we really need for a committed, long-term relationship. Shoot for people who help you stay on the beam, who understand and respect a recovery lifestyle and NEVER make you feel like you want to act out in a destructive, or self-destructive way to manage unmanageable feelings. People who truly love you won’t make you feel awful.

4.  Am I people-pleasing too soon?

The people-pleaser in me LOVES to accommodate. I sometimes find myself suggesting something that I don’t want to do before the sentence is even finished coming out of my mouth just because I think it will make the other person happy. Why do I do it? I don’t know!! But, I have to catch myself and step back. A friend recently told me, “You can always change your mind.” Great advice. When I find myself agreeing to plans that put me out, or I know I REALLY don’t want to do, I need to think about what’s going on with my decision making. This is all about being authentic – with myself and the people I get involved with. That’s not to say we don’t do things for other people or go out of our way for the people we love. I’m talking about something totally different here that involves doing things that don’t make sense because we may think they’ll come with some slap of approval.

Those are the big ones for me. If I’ve missed something you struggle with, please feel free to let me know!

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Five Takeaways From the DEA’s Pain Pill Database

A logo sign at the headquarters of McKesson in downtown San Francisco,

From the Washington Post For the first time ever, a database maintained by the Drug Enforcement Administration that tracks the path of every single pain pill sold in the United States — from manufacturers and distributors to pharmacies in every town and city — is being made public. The data was released as part of the largest civil action in U.S. history and provides an unprecedented look at the surge of legal pain pills that fueled the prescription opioid epidemic, which resulted in nearly 100,000 deaths from 2006 through 2012.

Here are The Post’s biggest takeaways:

[Story: Newly released federal data unmasks the epidemic ]

[DEA database: Where the pain pills went]1. The national database has never been released publicly.

The database is based on previously unreleased company data supplied to the DEA and reveals what each company knew about the number of pills it was shipping and dispensing, year by year, town by town. It is a virtual road map to the opioid epidemic. The drug companies, along with the DEA and the Justice Department, have fought furiously against the public release of the database, the Automation of Reports and Consolidated Orders System, known as ARCOS.2. The companies flooded the nation with pills as the opioid epidemic raged.

A Washington Post analysis of the database shows that America’s largest drug companies distributed 76 billion oxycodone and hydrocodonepain pills across the country between 2006 and 2012 as the nation’s deadliest drug epidemic spun out of control.

About two dozen companies are being sued in federal court in Cleveland by nearly 2,000 cities, towns and counties alleging that they conspired to flood the nation with opioids. The companies, in turn, have blamed the epidemic on overprescribing by doctors and pharmacies, and on customers who abused the drugs. The companies say they were working to supply the needs of patients with legitimate prescriptions desperate for pain relief.

[Companies respond to previously unreleased DEA data about opioid sales]3. A handful of companies manufactured and distributed most of the opioids.

Just six companies distributed 75 percent of the pills — oxycodone and hydrocodone — during this period: McKesson Corp., Walgreens, Cardinal Health, AmerisourceBergen, CVS and Walmart, according to an analysis of the database by The Washington Post.

Three companies manufactured about 88 percent of the opioids: SpecGx, a subsidiary of Mallinckrodt; Actavis Pharma; and Par Pharmaceutical, a subsidiary of Endo Pharmaceuticals.4. The number of pills distributed skyrocketed over seven years.

The volumes of the pills handled by the companies climbed as the epidemic surged, increasing 51 percent from 8.4 billion in 2006 to 12.6 billion in 2012. By contrast, doses of morphine, a well-known treatment for severe pain, averaged slightly more than 500 million a year during the same period.

The numbers of pills the companies sold during the seven-year time frame are staggering, far exceeding what has been previously disclosed in limited court filings and news stories.

The opioid epidemic began with prescription pills, spawned increased heroin use and then resulted in the current fentanyl crisis, which added more than 67,000 to the death toll from 2013 to 2017.5. Some states and rural areas were saturated.

The states that received the highest concentrations of pills per person per year were: West Virginia with 66.5, Kentucky with 63.3, South Carolina with 58, Tennessee with 57.7 and Nevada with 54.7. West Virginia also had the highest opioid death rate from 2006 through 2012.

Rural areas with the greatest number of pills shipped per person per year were: Norton, Va., with 306; Martinsville, Va., with 242; Mingo County, W.Va., with 203; and Perry County, Ky., with 175.

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