Sam Jolman's Blog
August 27, 2025
Zoom Conversation: How To Bless Arousal
Friends,
I hope this finds you well. When I wrote this article, I thought how simple and short it would be. But as you could tell, it pushed the limits of my longest article to date. It turns out teasing this stuff out just takes time and words. And I wanted lots of stories this month, since I gave you no stories last month. And this topic absolutely ne…
August 26, 2025
How To Bless Arousal
Tyler sat across from Lauren over drinks for the first time since they broke up six months ago. And he could not keep his eyes off of her. She was stunning. He had not planned to rekindle the flame. He’d only texted to make peace since they share the same social circles. And both agreed to meet to clear the air and be well with each other.
But there she sat in gorgeous repose. He felt intoxicated by her beauty and he swears it was not the drinks. He felt every bit the arousal of his body in her p...
July 28, 2025
Zoom Conversation: The Magical Not Self-Hatred, Not Self-Pity Life Changer
Happy summer, friends!
I hope this finds you well amidst the dog days of summer. This month’s post focused on a common conversation I have with people in counseling. Most all of us spend too much time in the ditches of self hatred or self pity or both. And it keeps us from the kindness we need to heal and grow and mature.
The idea that self kindness is …
July 27, 2025
The Magical Not Self-Hatred, Not Self-Pity Life Changer
“…As you love yourself.” Mark 12:31 MSG
Between self hatred and self pity swings a hammock blowing in a mountain breeze called self compassion. Can you see it there strung from the pines next to the river on that path down from the cabin? Most of us walk right past it because it looks too inviting. Seasick as we are from always wondering moment to moment in the tossing seas of self improvement if we should be beating ourselves up or giving ourselves a break. How could something as (cringe) gentle...
June 27, 2025
Zoom Conversation: Ask Me Anything!
Good people,
Happy summer to you all. I hope this finds you summering well. Summer is such a great time to practice healthy sensuality and play. Grill, swim, camp, revel in a sunset. Here’s some beauty God bathed me and my family in as we walked out of Costco two nights ago. Pictures never do it justice. Which is why you need real play, real beauty and n…
June 25, 2025
How a Book Changes Us + Free Gift to You
Tom and his son Trevor set out last summer for an adventure West. This was a rather straight forward father son trip, the kind born of a shared thirst for the open road, the promise of mountains, a needed break from the Midwest heat, and just enough unknown to bond them together. Trevor had just graduated high school and this would be his last carefree wild goose chase with his dad before the big busy world awaited him.
To pass the 20-odd hours of asphalt staring, Tom hatched a plan to listen to ...
May 25, 2025
Zoom Conversation: Sexual Fantasy as Dream Work
Good people,
I hope this finds you well. I gotta say that my church-up-bringing-baptist-school-purity-culture self winced as I hit send on this month’s article. I was trained with the best of them to see almost all sexual feelings or thoughts as sinful and lustful. And so the idea of playing with sexual fantasy as artwork, as worthy of exploration and ev…
May 23, 2025
Sexual Fantasy as Dream Work
“Your fantasy life is the ultimate secret code. Your prevalent fantasies reveal your deepest needs because a good fantasy states the problem and offers the solution.” Esther Perel
“We all live in a story in search of an ending.” NT Wright
A couple nights ago I took a walk with two buddies by an apartment complex on the edge of town. The fog and the dark obscured our view, which put us all on edge. For awhile, no one said a word. We rounded the corner of a building and saw a couple of men coming do...
April 22, 2025
Zoom Conversation: To The Guy In The "I Love MILFs" T-Shirt At Home Depot
Good People,
I cut the time before we meet very short this month. From the meeting time survey, you all made clear that Mondays and Thursdays evenings work best. And I wanted to honor the Thursday night folks this month. And so we meet on this last Thursday in April! Come join us in two days.
Thursday, April 24, 6:30pm MT/8:30 pm ET
Writing is a goat rodeo…
April 21, 2025
To The Guy In The “I Love MILFs” T-shirt At Home Depot
“That which we don’t transform, we transmit.” Richard Rohr
Not so long ago on a Saturday, I walked ripped jeans and dirty T-shirt into a Home Depot for at least the fourth time that day. It was one of those house projects—the ones that make you question the meaning of life because they only get bigger the more you work on them. As I made my way through the door, I filed in behind a guy wearing a T-shirt announcing in big bold letters, “I love MILFs.” Huh, I wonder what sports team that is? I see...
