Margaret McSweeney's Blog, page 56

Thanksgiving — A Year ‘Round Affair

One late October morning, my husband and I began planning our family Thanksgiving. “This year, let’s do something different,” I said.

“How about having dinner at the cottage?” Charles suggested. “Of course it’ll mean more work.”

It was true our newly acquired mountain hideaway didn’t have all the conveniences of our city apartment––like a dishwasher and a reliable oven and a big table, but no problem, I mused, neither did the pilgrims.

“Let’s do it,” I said.

On Thanksgiving morning my husband and I arrived ahead of the rest of the family and set out a few surprises. We filled colored lunch bags with a variety of treats–chewing gum, nuts, raisins, coins, travel-sized toiletries, small toys for the younger ones, then tied them with bright string, and hung them from the log beams in the living room. We also attached a personal ‘thank you’ note to each one–expressing our love and gratitude.

When everyone gathered, we sat in a circle by the fire, sipped sparkling cider, talked and prayed and shared our potluck dinner and the surprise bags. Then each person, including the youngest, took a turn sharing the blessings they were grateful for. What a special and revealing time that was.

“It was truly a great day!” my husband mused thoughtfully as we packed the car the next morning. “I wish this feeling of gratitude and love could last all year.”

“It can,” I said. “We made this day special by simply choosing to. What’s to stop us from making every day just as special?”

It was then that we decided to make a point of keeping the spirit of Thanksgiving all year round. We weren’t exactly certain how we’d do it, but we wanted to try.

While driving home, we realized more clearly than ever that it wasn’t the food, or the fire, the games or the mountain cabin that had made Thanksgiving special. It was the people––each one so dear and unique.

As we talked on, we began recalling other people in our lives for whom we were thankful––many we hadn’t thought of or talked about in years. My fourth grade teacher whom I adored at the time, a favorite aunt I hadn’t seen in nearly thirty years, a man who had given my husband a job when he most needed one.

We were grateful to each one of these precious people–but did they know it? Or had we kept our feelings inside? Had we ever really said, “Thank you? You’re important to me.” Not often enough, we realized.

Some of these people are now long gone, but there were many more––alive and active in our lives at that moment. We realized it wasn’t too late to start right where we were. And so we decided then and there to phone more often, stop by and visit, tuck a note under a door, drop a card in the mail. It required so little.

One day Charles left a single rose at the doorstep of a neighbor––his “thank you” for bringing in our mail while we were away.

Another time we said ‘thank you’ by sharing a favorite recipe (including a sample!) with an elderly friend who lives alone.

While Charles was in real estate, he sent a “thank you” bouquet of flowers to the agent who sold his latest listing.

When he was in customer service at Nordstrom he often gave a small box of candy to clients who had become friends.

And when he received word that his former college roommate had a terminal illness, he phoned him in Guam to thank him for all he had meant to him during their years together.

One friend told me that she writes the words “thank you” under her signature line on her checks––a nice way to acknowledge organizations and individuals who serve her in some way.

Reaching out to others in these and other ways has not only opened us anew to the bounty in our own lives, but to the continuous bounty of God Himself, the one from whom all blessings flow.

Happy Thanksgiving

From all of us at the Pearl Girls blog!!

Transparent

Sometimes I wonder if I’m too transparent in my writing. As my husband, John, has told me before, “We don’t have skeletons in our closet . . . because you put them on the front lawn for everyone to see!”

I was thinking about this the other day in Sunday School class. We were talking about sins and struggles, and I was going to confess a few of my own, but class ended before I had the chance. (Oh Rats!)

Oh, well. I thought. They can read about them when Generation NeXt Parenting comes out this month.

It’s not as if I LIKE sharing all the times when I’ve really screwed up. I don’t. I would like to be perfect, but since I’m not . . . then the least I can do is share how God gets me out of the numerous messes I get myself in. Because, through that, my hope is that others will be able to see Jesus in me.

All these thoughts were swirling around my head as I came across a quote I underlined in a book I’m reading, “The Beloved Disciple” by Beth Moore. Here is what Beth said:

“As [the disciples] watched this man named Jesus, this carpenter’s son, and they fellowshipped with Him then witnessed His work, what do you think they saw? Consistency? Versatility? Unwavering passion? Or a lamb as often as a lion? The center of all attention? Or a teacher that became a student of all those around Him? We know they saw absolute authenticity, but how do you imagine they saw it portrayed?

“Don’t think for a minute that thinking about such matters is a waste of time. The more we grasp the flesh-and-blood reality of these encounters and try to imagine the intimate details the disciples witnessed in Christ the better! What we’re studying isn’t religious fiction or simple Christian tradition. Christ walked into people’s lives and transformed them.” p. 25 (emphasis mine)

So Beth, thank you, for doing a good job summing up how I feel about my writing and my transparency. Christ walked into MY life and transformed it. To show the transformation, I often have to share the “befores” to point people to the changes Christ made. (Thank you, Lord, for all your “afters“.)

The flesh-and-blood reality that Jesus uses today is His will, ways, and words lived out in me. And they are encounters I write about, both point-blank in non-fiction or wrapped within a fictional story. (Yes, there is more of ME in those novels than you might think!)

The encounters I share are ones I pray will bring authenticity and transformation in the lives of others as well. Like the glass in a frame, my desire is that when others look at the picture of my life, they will see Jesus through me.

If We Don’t, Who Will?

Looking up a phone number to make a phone call is beyond Joey’s ability. So is making a phone appointment, reporting to someone if he’d been mistreated, or asking someone to get something he needs. We need to care for him and open our mouths to get him what he needs. We are his advocate.

As parents, we feel as if we know our son better than any doctor, therapist, or teacher; but we’ve always listened to and appreciated the help and support they’ve given. At times, however, you know what you know, and you must be firm in demanding what you need or want for your loved one.

Here’s a few things we’ve found helpful over the past 30+ years:

· Know our roles and responsibilities – who will make calls, keep records, etc.

· Keep a notebook or 3 ring-binder, writing notes to teachers or medical personnel in it, letting others add to it, and reading and reviewing what has been written makes for better communication, provid­ing everyone uses it!

· Voice opinions but support final decisions if you are NOT the primary caregiver, whose responsibility is to listen to advice and concerns but do what was best even if others were critical of the deci­sion.

· Read all you can to become educated on health, mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional issues.

· Ask questions, seek agencies and organizations that will provide what’s needed, and keep pursuing until you find and receive the best care for the loved one in your care. Depending on your loved one’s ability to think normally, she or he will appreciate your efforts to learn about specific needs. For those lacking in the ability to think normally, you are still ahead of them as you learn to deal with them in many ways, and most importantly, that you are doing what’s right.

Proverbs 31:8-9, “Open your mouth for the dumb, for the rights of the unfortu­nate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.”

Lessons Learned in Hoodoo Land

Ever heard of a hoodoo?

A hoodoo is a tall thin isolated rock formation that protrudes from the bottom of a dry drainage basin.

Hoodoos are located in hot desert areas, and boy is it dry out there in hoodoo land!

All this heat and dryness got me thinking about my physical need for water, juxtaposed to my spiritual need for God. It made me realize just how often I allow the needs of my flesh to trump the needs of my spirit.

The Hoodoo’s also made me aware of the strength that’s found in weakness. Their strong outer shell protects their inner fragility. I’m reminded that God’s power is best evidenced through my weakness, no matter how uncomfortable that is for me.

If this is true, the first thing I need to do is notice that I need refreshment.

Psalm 63:1 says “….. my soul thirsts for thee, my flesh yearns for thee, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” This indicates our physical need for water creates a drive state that compels us to seek after something that sustains life for our outer man.

Simultaneously, the Psalmist’s language suggests a longing for the presence of God because it sustains the inner man. Our yearning for God shows our need of him, our dependence upon him, and our confidence that he alone can fill us.

My flesh depends on water for life; I wouldn’t consider going a day without it. Therefore, I must be equally intentional to give myself to that which will satiate my inner life—- connection to God.

“Everyone who drinks this water shall thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water I shall give him shall never thirst…” John 2:14

Hoodoos appear incredibly strong, but they consist of soft limestone rock, covered by a harder rock shell which helps make them less prone to damage and erosion.

I thought of how often I project a hard exterior to protect my heart from the erosion caused by life’s hurt and pain, which keeps me from appropriating the power of God that’s available.

God designed the hoodoos to contain a strong durable rock surface to protect them; likewise, he’s equipped us with something stronger than even the hoodoos possess —-the Holy Spirit.

If that’s true, we can stop pretending we have it all together and become intentional about depending on him.

Here’s how to begin:

• Notice the condition of your heart daily

• Recognize spiritual dehydration. Satiate yourself with spiritual food and living water

• Practice the spiritual disciplines

• Memorize Scripture. It will grow your inner man

• Find a lovely place. These astounding rock formations in the desert

reminded me of the majesty of God’s creation. Find a lovely place to be with God and worship

My time in the desert challenged me to look inward because I was being affected by the externals. Commit today to check the pulse on the needs of your inner man. Then, like the hoodoos, you’ll be able to stand against anything the elements throw at you.

Pause

I think that normalcy has developed a strangeness about it these days for me. Or at least it felt strange this afternoon. After the morning large group meeting we had a “community day,” playing games and enjoying the October sunshine. I remember how strikingly relaxed this day was last year, and this was no exception. While the grownups played volleyball, us “kids” played a series of improvised set-ups. A rules-relaxed version of baseball, for one. Though I guess I wasn’t as relaxed about it as I should have been: when playing the field I did catch one little one’s play, for a sound “Out!” call. Bowling, however, I was decidedly laid back about. When asked how many times she could roll the ball without hitting the pins, I just told her to keep rolling till she hit them. It took a few rolls, to use the term “few” loosely . . . but eventually we managed a spare. Technically, I suppose it may not have been a spare, seeing as how we were missing a pin, leading to a bowling setup more closely resembling a disjointed diamond than a proper triangle. Well, no harm done, I don’t think

During the morning Funday School, I had the children do an activity in which we made a paper chain to symbolize bondage that we have freedom from. Once completed, we broke our chain and talked of ways in which God gives us freedom. I expected to hear more along the lines of life hardships and dramatic events that here we know unfortunately too much of. Instead, they gave answers of “family” and “home.” I thought better of correcting this when I realized that, in fact, this was more true than any pat “freedom” answer I would have envisioned. Because really, what better than family and home to symbolize freedom? Or at least that’s what I was thinking about as we enjoyed our community “family” this afternoon.

Later in the afternoon, I ended up with a sleepy little one in my arms. We watched the volleyball match until she conked out and then I just stayed there, still rocking her back and forth, and savoring the sweetness of life’s pause button.

Rejoice, Pray, and Give Thanks

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 tells us, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Tough to do at times! The natural tendency is to think in the good things that happen to us and our children are by our own efforts. In the muck and mire of life we ask, “Why me? Or “Why my child?” Yet God commands we do all three: rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances.

1. Rejoice always. In the joy-filled times and in the times of despair, we are to rejoice. Unbridled joy is definitely cause for rejoicing. It’s in the difficulties of life when it gets hard. The old adage, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle,” has been replaced in my mind. A wise friend told me, “God allows you to experience more than you can handle. That’s when you learn to rely on Him.”

Rejoice that He will never leave or forsake you or your children, even in the roughest moments (Deuteronomy 31:6).

2. Pray continually. As a mom of two teenage boys, I pray all the time. Not just for protection but also for my sons to make good choices and if they don’t, to get caught. Better to make mistakes while under our roof than in the big world. I pray they work hard with the gifts and talents God has given them and they show the love of Christ to those they encounter.

God is not confined to time and space, so pray big for your family, our country, and the world. Nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).

3. Give thanks in all circumstances. God is in all things and through all things. When the going gets rough, remember all things work for the purpose of His will (Ephesians 1:11b). When you or your children are in pain, lean into the One who can handle the situation. Rest in His love and be thankful you can always count on the Lord to bring good out of really bad situations.

Rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances. This is God’s will for us in Christ. With Thanksgiving right around the corner, consider using 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 with your family. Rejoice in His blessings, pray for His guidance, and thank Him for His love.

Thanksgiving With A Twist

Thanksgiving isn’t all about being thankful for the good things in life. That’s usually what we do though during this season. We focus on those nice and sometimes pleasantly unexpected things that have happened during the year. This year I want to that as well, but with a slightly different twist. I’m looking at those things that are not generally considered blessings and finding a way to give thanks for them.

For instance, my husband has had a rough year with his health. We’ve gone back and forth to doctor’s appointments and numerous procedures. What about this can I find to be thankful for?

• He’s still alive.

• We’ve had to depend on God.

• I’ve realized anew how much I love him and want him around for many more years.

• It’s made our family how important it is to make the most of each day.

• Even though our finances have taken a hit with deductibles and uncovered expenses, we’re still okay financially.

I think that’s a good list. So, let’s look at another situation and see how my thanksgiving with a twist goes.

One of my daughter’s best friends is living with us this year. Having three teenagers in the house, all with no license yet, has created a little situation. I’ve given up some activities temporarily (I think) to be available to them. Again, I ask myself, “What is there to be thankful for in this situation?”

• I am able to be a blessing to a young lady who really wanted to complete her senior year at the same high school where she began.

• I’m beginning to learn how to sacrifice without complaining. The key phrase is beginning to learn. I’m not nearly there yet, but I’m on the road.

• I have time to evaluate my former activities. This will help me decide which ones I’ll resume when this season is over and which ones I’ll let go of permanently.

• It’s helping me hone my time management skills.

• Sometimes schedule conflicts force the girls to make choices or other transportation arrangements, so they’re learning about sacrifice and time management as well.

1 Chronicles 16:11-12 says “Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced.” Blessings come in all shapes and sizes and wrapped in covering that makes us think they’re anything but. However, by looking for God’s hand in every situation and acknowledging the good he’s bringing about in an unexpected way, our reasons to be thankful grow. So this year as you celebrate Thanksgiving think about having Thanksgiving with a twist. Give thanks for the “hidden” blessings.

A Basketful of Blessings

One year my husband, Charles, and I went through a number of hardships that seemed overwhelming at the time: lost commissions in his business, turmoil in the lives of two family members, and unresolved issues between the two of us regarding finances and stepchildren. I felt despairing of ever having peace in my life again.

I had become a Christian shortly before we married the previous year and I was certain we’d all live happily ever after. I was Charles’ Cinderella and he was my Prince Charming. And we had Jesus, so what possibly could go wrong?

But fairytale endings are rarely a part of real life. There is nothing in the Bible about God waving a magic wand over our lives. We came down to earth fast––and hard. I began to pray as never before. “Lord, I’m drowning,” I called out. “Rescue me, please.”

The life preserver I prayed for came in an unexpected way––a way that has changed my life forever and changed the way I view what Jesus did for me on the Cross. He not only set me free from my sins, he taught me how to look at life in a fresh way––through the lens of gratitude.

It all started one day when I spoke with an older woman I had met months earlier. She knew I was having a rough time and had befriended me. As I spilled out my upset one day, she put her arm around me and pulled me aside.

“If you want to find contentment and peace,” she said, “focus on what you have to be grateful for. Even the challenges are blessings in disguise.” Then she suggested a practical way for me to keep track of what God was doing in my life. “Write down your daily blessings on slips of paper and put them in a little basket–nothing fancy–a bread basket will do nicely. From time to time look at what you wrote. I think you’ll be surprised at how God has been with you all along–even when you didn’t realize it. As you begin counting your blessings,” she added, “you’ll find yourself saying ‘thank you’ more than ever before. And you might be surprised at how the things that plague you now will start clearing up. Let me know how it goes,” she said, as she hugged me and hurried off.

That evening I told my husband about the encounter with my friend, and he agreed that her idea was worth a try. At first it was hard to imagine finding things to be grateful for in the midst of so much stress. But we were willing. We’d start where we were and see where God would lead us.

We took out a small basket from a closet and labeled it “Our Blessing Basket.” Then we set it on a table in our bedroom where it would be accessible night or day. We added a pen and some scraps of paper so we’d have no excuse to avoid doing this exercise.

The next morning we began recording our blessings. By November of that year, almost a year later, our basket was overflowing with colorful bits of paper. On Thanksgiving morning we propped ourselves up in bed and turned it dumped it out on our quilt. It seemed a fitting day to review and give thanks for our many blessings–so many more than we ever would have noticed if we had not committed ourselves to writing them down and saving them in our little basket.

I grabbed one slip and read it aloud, then another and another. What a joy it was to experience these gifts all over again. A surprise visit from a dear friend my husband hadn’t seen in over thirty years. A special picnic lunch with our stepchildren at the park. A contract landed at work. An old hurt healed through patience and prayer. A teaching assignment when we were in need of more income. On and on I read.

Then my husband grabbed a handful and continued. By the time we got to the last scrap of paper we were in tears. How could we ever again doubt that God provides for our every need and protects our every encounter!

We had so much to be thankful for, but most of all for God’s redeeming love through Jesus Christ. He makes all things new and all things possible because of his great love and mercy.

Meet the Pearl Girls: Chantel Adams

Meet Pearl Girl Chantel Adams! Chantel Adams spent several years writing position papers for an association of state child welfare organizations. She is also the founder of The Princess Generation, a nonprofit organization whose mission is to redefine what it means to be a princess by raising up a generation of young women wholly devoted to putting others first. You can find her online on her blog.

Please share a little about how you became a writer.

I have always loved writing, but for a long time I didn’t have the courage to do it. Finally, I realized that the only way to get better was to glue myself to a chair and actually write–everyday. An author I admired read some of my work and offered to mentor me. The accountability and encouragement helped transform my dream into a reality.

Favorite Scripture or Life Verse?

My favorite verse is Proverbs 3:3-4:

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor in the sight of God and man.

What motivates you to write for charity?

I want the message of my life to be that “love and faithfulness” never left me. What motivates me to write for charity is what motivates me to do everything I do. My life is a story that I want to be able to tell.

Favorite Food

That’s easy. Chocolate. Bar none.

If you were stuck on a deserted island, what are 5 things that you’d have to have with you?

Hammock

My favorite book (Gone with the Wind)

Journal

Sharp knife

Yummy smelling lotion and lip gloss (Sorry. Does that count as two?)