Sam Pink's Blog, page 83

JAMES TONEY

this is the james toney interview transcribed in 'rontel.'  i recommend looking up all james toney's interviews on youtube.  his shittalking is.... (almost said, 'like a fine cognac' but i dont think i've ever had fine cognac).  i also recommend watching the fight this interview is from 'holyfield vs toney.'

also, if anyone wants to commission me to write articles on the following things, i'd probably do it:

1. selected reactions to some of twista's lyrics
2. this quote
3. reviews of any episode of 'saved by the bell' (you pick/serialized?)
4. an ongoing look at aspects of boxing that might be appealing to non-fans (serialized?)
5. profiling someone's younger sibling (think about it:  "Blocks, Legos, and Tears: A Day with [name of sibling]"

also, i liked this article

2013 lazy fascist pressthe collected suicide notes vol. 1...

2013 lazy fascist press

the collected suicide notes vol. 1

the complete collection of published and unpublished poetry

sometimes when i'm hopelessly applying for jobs on craigs...

sometimes when i'm hopelessly applying for jobs on craigslist, i see myself like, in a lab on an operating table, naked and squirming with tubes hooked up to me and there's a voice over where an evil sounding scientist says, "he was....designed to be, physically incapable of getting and maintaining a job" (cut to shot of me looking at my hand as i curl all my fingers in agony and then it zooms into my body on a cellular level, showing cells rejecting other cells, sometimes fusing) voiceover: "subject A is...quite simply, a marvel of advancement in the field of....somehow being a lot less able to get and maintain jobs than others."

'rontel' was reviewed at the LA Review of Books i went to...

'rontel' was reviewed at the LA Review of Books

i went to this flag store today to buy a chicago flag but it was closed because it was just robbed the other day.  this is a video of the robbery.  the old man working the register uses a baseball bat to fight off a gunman firing at him point blank.

also, if anyone wants a copy of the spanish translation of 'i am going to clone myself then kill the clone and eat it' (' VOY A CLONARME, LUEGO MATAR AL CLON Y COMÉRMELO') then email me sampinkisalive (at) gmail.com 

PLANS FOR THE FUTURE

think i'm going to start an instagram or facebook page that's just sexy pictures of my sexy body making sexy faces and act like i'm not narcissistic by putting captions in like, 'geez i hate myself, lol' and 'check out this asswipe, 666 jk.'  the page will be called, 'my dick smells like pussy.' half of the pictures will just be my asscheeks spread apart so you can see my asshole.  the other half will be pictures of me flexing my ripped arms and/or letting honey drip down my sculpted core.  every once in a while i will allow other people to be in the pictures with me, if s/he makes sure to use one of the following hand signs:  'middle finger'  'peace sign'  'metal sign'  'tongue through peace sign/pussy eatng sign' and/or  'thumbs up/thumbs down.'  the goal will be to show people what a fun, rich life i live, while maintaining (via captions/comments) that i'm depressed and have no friends and no future.  every once in a while i will include clothed pictures, that appear to be showing off a funny shirt i have, but the main purpose will be to show off my unmatched handsomeness and startling/hypnotizing hazel eyes.  i will also be sure to include pictures that highlight my 18 inch neck (just two inches shy of mike tyson's!!!!) and 'american male' jawline.  i will probably also buy like, a funny beltbuckle so that i can take a picture of it, but really the point is to show off my 'sex lines' that go from my hips down into between my legs, and also, the outline of my dick.  once a month i will post a video that just a still shot of a book i like, with my eventual cumshot streaking across its cover.  in these videos, it will be silent for a second, then the cumshot will happen, then the words 'fuck yeah' will light up on the screen with me saying, 'fuck yeah' in a 'metallica singer' voice.  whenever i do readings, i'll make sure to include pictures, provided the reading is in a 'cool place' and provided the pictures portray me in a way that looks like i'm a doomed young author.  the goal of these pictures will be to suggest that i'm doomed and an outsider but that i travel to 'cool places' even though i'm so doomed and sexy.  any time anyone comments or likes a picture, i will respond immediately with a 'thanks!!!' or ' :) '   i'll take  cute pictures of me in my pajamas (sweatpants/sweatpant cut-offs) and say stuff like, 'yikes.....mornings :('   but i will make sure to still look sexy and manly in those pictures too.  i will work hard at this and attempt to get as many 'friends' or 'likes' as  possible until i feel fulfilled.  once i feel fulfilled, i will shove a knife down my throat and die slowly on the floor, choking as i reach out to pet rontel one last time. 

here is a review of rontel from someone who lived in upto...

here is a review of rontel from someone who lived in uptown 

i didn't write about or live in edgewater or andersonville though, those are neighboring areas that i dont like that much. 

the real hazard in not wearing underwear isn't zipping up...

the real hazard in not wearing underwear isn't zipping up your dick/balls but instead allowing your balls to lay on the zipper while pissing because ball skin (seemingly) easily falls into zipperteeth.

(after i re-read this for some reason i imagined myself wearing a full hood over my head and face, made of ball skin.  soft soft ball skin.)  

a movie trailer for a western/gun movie where an unshaven...

a movie trailer for a western/gun movie where an unshaven guy is leaning against a bar and strikes a match, lights a cigarette, and says, "a man can only have his onions boiled so many times 'fore something has to give..."

THIS MOTHERFUCKER

this motherfucker still wants to talk.  i already said what i had to say.  couldn't find your email alex, and you didn't respond to my direct address in a comments section a while back.  but i'm telling you, shut the fuck up with your bullshit.  quit trying to get attention by shitting on my shit.  saying shit about my book on your fucking twitter like a fucking tool.  it's clear you dont truly give a fuck because otherwise you'd try to talk to me about it rather than try to shit on it.  just typical witch hunt shit, no communication just labeling.  no solutions just sides and ideology.  you tweeted that there are no positive depictions of black people in rontel.  then you list three negative ones (even though i just wrote shit down, didn't 'depict' anyone outside of how they did):  1.  murder suspect at bus stop (didn't state the race of this character you fucking idiot, also the main character wanted to kiss her.) 2. 'asshole at sandwich shop' (why is he an asshole, i liked that guy a lot, also, didn't mention his race you dumb fuck.  you think he's black because he uses slang) and 3. james toney (well, james toney is african american for sure, but....i transcribed that interview exactly as it happened, and also....how is it negative?  he beat an ATG heavyweight.  he's like, my favorite boxer.  james toney talks tons of shit, that's who he is).  i'm fucking serious man, and i know this seems extreme or funny or that i need to 'chill out' but i'm fine dude, just....seriously stop your shit because when i see you (and we'll meet up at some point i promise) i'm going to fuck you up badly.  quit provoking me to get bullshit web hits for your bullshit twitter you dumb fuck.  quit poking me.  if you want to talk to me, address me directly and show me respect.  do not fuck with me. write your own shit and stop talking about mine.  stop sensationalizing shit, i dont want attention for negative reasons.  especially not negative reasons made up by a thoughtless crumbsnatching fool like you. i'm serious man, you're making a huge mistake.  

update:  can anyone tell me why any of the people in the book seem 'negatively portrayed' outside of your own preconceptions about language.  like, for instance, alex, what do you find so negative about the characters aside from the way they talk (which is a racist thing to think you silly lil guy).  also, why dont you ever mention the other manners of speaking, like the chicago guy, or the maintenance man, or the people at the bee class.  alex, you're getting me so heated i almost like it.  feels sexual.

RECENT EMAIL EXCHANGE

PERSON:  when you hear the word 'mentor' what comes to mind?

ME:   like, i think about a mortal kombat styled character who is a 'mental' raptor. like, 'mentor.'