Andrew Moore's Blog, page 32
November 25, 2024
The Next Wave
All these years of making cookbooks based on novels have brought us at last to the point of making novels based on cookbooks. Think of the worldbuilding.
November 24, 2024
Talons of Braves
Near any crossroads must be an establishment to serve travelers, and in any such establishment, should the bold arrive in numbers, boasts will be heard. One day, brave men going in every direction happened to be in one place, so of course one stood and proclaimed the virtues of his arms.
"This sword you see, and this shorter sword, and this shield as well, are in truth a claw's three talons of the formerly fearsome dragon Grand Madness, and this helmet is of his hide. It was the smith Iriklio who made them."
That was a boast impossible to ignore, for five other braves stood and proclaimed their story the same. Moreover, they compared their arms and saw them identical.
"Six sets! How many claws has a dragon, my friends? I think me what is right for us to do is to chastise that Iriklio who mocks his customers!"
That proposal proud on the outside and filled inside with wrath all six accepted. But then, what was that? A clamor outside of yells and screams! They departed and saw this.
A dragon stood, fierce, his wings spread, and named himself. "I am Edge of Terror, vassals, and who bears the dragon's arms, the talons of Grand Madness, today he dies! For I am his son." And he stood on six feet and six claws.
The braves therefore prepared for the fight.
Finis
"This sword you see, and this shorter sword, and this shield as well, are in truth a claw's three talons of the formerly fearsome dragon Grand Madness, and this helmet is of his hide. It was the smith Iriklio who made them."
That was a boast impossible to ignore, for five other braves stood and proclaimed their story the same. Moreover, they compared their arms and saw them identical.
"Six sets! How many claws has a dragon, my friends? I think me what is right for us to do is to chastise that Iriklio who mocks his customers!"
That proposal proud on the outside and filled inside with wrath all six accepted. But then, what was that? A clamor outside of yells and screams! They departed and saw this.
A dragon stood, fierce, his wings spread, and named himself. "I am Edge of Terror, vassals, and who bears the dragon's arms, the talons of Grand Madness, today he dies! For I am his son." And he stood on six feet and six claws.
The braves therefore prepared for the fight.
Finis
November 23, 2024
Ranking of Weapons Appropriate for Your Science Fiction Main Character
1. Mech
2. Spaceship
3. Spaceship (fighter)
4. Psionic powers
That is all.
2. Spaceship
3. Spaceship (fighter)
4. Psionic powers
That is all.
November 22, 2024
Ranking of Weapons Appropriate for Your Fantasy Main Character
1. Sword
2. Bow
3. Comically Large Hammer
4. Dagger
5. Polearm
6. Ax
7. Razor-Sharp Hoop
8. Normally Sized Hammer
9. Whip
10. Spear
Secret twist ending: Now roll for which one your character gets.
2. Bow
3. Comically Large Hammer
4. Dagger
5. Polearm
6. Ax
7. Razor-Sharp Hoop
8. Normally Sized Hammer
9. Whip
10. Spear
Secret twist ending: Now roll for which one your character gets.
November 21, 2024
Making Your Science Fiction Less Sterile
Replace the hivemind with a jivemind. Now that your science fiction seems twee instead, it's ready for Tiktok.
November 20, 2024
The Most Important Criterion for Ranking Fantasy Races
How cool does the phrase "The [RACE] kings of old" sound?
1. The dwarven kings of old
2. The dragon kings of old
3. The centaur kings of old
4. The elven kings of old
5. The griffin kings of old
6. The lizard kings of old
7. The kobold kings of old
8. The brownie kings of old
1. The dwarven kings of old
2. The dragon kings of old
3. The centaur kings of old
4. The elven kings of old
5. The griffin kings of old
6. The lizard kings of old
7. The kobold kings of old
8. The brownie kings of old
November 19, 2024
The Latest Book Technology
Already sensors are being implanted which measure how long the reader looks at certain sentences and dynamically writes new pages based on that information to create infinite stories.
November 18, 2024
November 17, 2024
Inexhaustible Virtue and Its Rewards
Once, a man bent over with age dragged himself by his stick from house to house, begging for shelter for the night. Everyone rejected his plea. "We don't have room for you," they said, or, "You smell weird," or, "What are you talking about? You're that wizard who lives in the tower out that way." No matter how many times he told them he wasn't, they still turned him away.
In the end he came to the house of a humble sign painter who gave him a space on the floor and half his supper, which was "too much for me anyway." The next day, when the old man made to leave, he straightened and summoned his customary attire emblazoned with arcane symbols.
"Humble sign painter! I am in fact the wizard who lives in that tower over there! Because you are the only hospitable man in this town, I leave you this gift. It is a bow with the wondrous quality that it supplies its own arrows. Behold."
The sign painter watched the wizard stretch the string whereupon an arrow appeared, already nocked. "Amazing! But I only have one arm. I cannot draw it."
"So what? It's not as if you would have gotten any use out of it anyway. What did you think I wanted you to do, shoot paint arrows? Sell this as a novelty to a rich collector of curiosities, you dunderhead. 'I cannot draw it.' Come on."
And the sign painter did just that. The money enabled him to retire, though he did not. He liked the work.
Finis
In the end he came to the house of a humble sign painter who gave him a space on the floor and half his supper, which was "too much for me anyway." The next day, when the old man made to leave, he straightened and summoned his customary attire emblazoned with arcane symbols.
"Humble sign painter! I am in fact the wizard who lives in that tower over there! Because you are the only hospitable man in this town, I leave you this gift. It is a bow with the wondrous quality that it supplies its own arrows. Behold."
The sign painter watched the wizard stretch the string whereupon an arrow appeared, already nocked. "Amazing! But I only have one arm. I cannot draw it."
"So what? It's not as if you would have gotten any use out of it anyway. What did you think I wanted you to do, shoot paint arrows? Sell this as a novelty to a rich collector of curiosities, you dunderhead. 'I cannot draw it.' Come on."
And the sign painter did just that. The money enabled him to retire, though he did not. He liked the work.
Finis
November 16, 2024
Truly Avant-Garde Fantasy
The book contains a map, but not of where the story takes place. Daring! Cheeky, even!
