Andrew Moore's Blog, page 20

Future Fields of Study

By the time your science fiction story happens, people probably will have gotten it together and realized we should talk about rock-science, star-science, and snake-science instead of those weirdo terms we use today. For one thing, those different endings are confusing. Who would know just from hearing it that astrology is the fake one? Furthermore, I don't think hepatologists are particularly hep, not to mention with it, though I could be mistaken.

On Originality

People do covers of songs all the time, but if I ctrl-c ctrl-v Lucian, people say I should make up my own material, like an ending. What's that all about?

Addendum

People just flip to the back of the book before they decide to read it anyway. I can't explain this inhuman behavior, but I must accept it.

Impediments to Progress

We have to confront this pressing issue boldly. The only reason fantasy and science fiction novel randomizers don't exist the way they do for your favorite NES games is because we would find out it doesn't much matter what order things happen in so long as there are dragons or spaceships in there somewhere.

The Four Fantasy Subgenres

A master swordsman can defeat:
- A man
- Eight men
- Eighty men
- Eighty thousand men

There isn't much in the way of eight hundred or eight thousand. Those are too middle-of-the-road.

The Will to Secrecy

The customer picked up the sword, reverently it seemed, and admired it before turning the point toward its smith. "Now, if you please, the secret of your peerless weapons."
"Hmph. You aren't the first to try that," the swordsmith said. "It works, too, but once they hear it, they all swear to keep the secret. Of their own volition!"
"We will see. So?"
"It's the metal. Froganite."
"I have never heard of froganite. Are you sacrificing your life for a joke?"
"Of course you haven't heard of it. It's secret. Froganite is exceedingly rare because there's only one way to get it, and not from any mine. First, a steel frog devours gold flies. Then . . ."
"Then?"
"Then my assistants wait a week or so and pick up the, uh, result of the process. Takes a while to get enough."
The customer examined the sword again, somewhat less reverently. "Really?"
"Yep."
"Oh. Well." Saying that, he sheathed the magnificent blade, and nothing needed be said about whether he would tell anyone the truth behind it. On the verge of leaving, he paused. "How did anyone find that out?"
"You aren't the first to ask that, either."
Finis

Addendum

Unfortunately, we have to use ridiculous terms such as maroon and mauve to get across the distinction, but sometimes we have to work for our milliions.

Meteorological Reminder

You did give rainbows different colors in a futile attempt to make your setting stand out, right? I'm including you, science fictioners.

Meteorlogical Reminder

You did give rainbows different colors in a futile attempt to make your setting stand out, right? I'm including you, science fictioners.

The Big Drawback to Including Oneiromancy in Your Story

It sounds like it should be something filthy. Now that I think about it, it probably is a lot of the time.