Andrew Moore's Blog, page 126

The Logical Implication

Put the ending at the front of the book, then write, "But how did this happen? Read on to find out!" The only problem is that then you actually have to write a good ending. Might be a little tough.

What Makes for a Good Ending?

Doesn't matter. Nobody's going to make it that far anyway.

Never Refuse the Call

An ordinary young person on an ordinary day woke up, showered, ate, the usual. Who knew, who could have imagined, that soon everything would change?

"Shouldn't everything be changing?"
"Should be. I had the mysterious package sent over to the chosen one as planned."
"Huh." The mysterious entity checked its watch. "Huh."

Hours passed. Soon that typical, protagonist-looking person would be thrust into a new life of danger and sacrifice, but also triumph and a lifetime of memories.

"Is this site ever wrong?"
"Not that I've seen."
"It says 'already delivered.' Well? Something should have happened by now."
"Some new heroes take things more calmly than others."
"No way. Maybe. I don't know. Should I go over there? I think I should go over there."
"That doesn't sound like all that mysterious a thing to do."
"We'll give it another hour then."

Elsewhere, the invaders met their match. "Who is this Earthling who opposes us, and how does he have equipment that allows him to resist our extradimensional technology?" They were forced back through their latest portal without ever learning the name of Arnold T. Porchthief, whose name answered both questions.
Finis

A Helpful Tip for Translators

Good: Kneel.
Good: Genuflect.
Bad: Bend the knee. A Song of Ice and Fire is not reference material. It is a fiction series with terms the author used or invented for his own purposes.

Bitter Memories

Speaking of XP distribution, all my guys in Final Fantasy were the same level. Until we met Astos. No videogame villain has incurred such deep enmity as that.

A Mechanical Question

Did Grand Moff Tarkin get all the XP for blowing up Alderaan, or did he share it with everyone on the Death Star? I bet he had to share it. Should have given all the Imperial Navy guys shore leave first.

Non-Human Politics

A dragon who wins election ten times becomes a dracodecagogue obviously, which is twice as good as a demidracodecagogue. But what do adventurers in non-electoral polities do? Level up off of aristocrats and tyrants? That sounds plausibly bloody. The best method is to have a ton of kids so your heir can farm his half-brothers for XP.

Origin Story

You have to win election at least ten times to become a decagogue, of course. Unfortunately, you're usually old by then, which restrains your power. Semagogues require elevation to a naval position, which is pretty specific, but the abilities are generally useful. Nothing's free in a well crafted system, after all.

Political Musings

Who's stronger? A demagogue or a semagogue? They'd both lose to a decagogue, obviously, but there are a lot of unanswered questions here.

The Internal Ocean

No one went to an Otthe Evanfor demonstration with any prediction as to the subject or results, not after one or two experiences. The gallery spectators settled themselves and waited for the latest thing.
"The latest thing! This is it! I have invented a fish." Otthe Evanfor moved among the blackboards and jars of the experiment theater, pointing, waving, and poking. "A special fish that swims in a special ocean: the ocean of memory. That's right."
The audience thought perhaps he wanted it to gasp, and it obliged him. After all the entertainment he had provided, how could it desert him then?
"Yes, it swims in human memories, and for its food? Especially tasty memories. The kind you can't stop remembering. Look!" He pointed at the only other person who had been allowed in the theater proper. "The first subject! Tell us your experiences! Are you remembering anything right now?"
"Well, matter of fact, right now what's coming to mind is a time when, you know, we were all enjoying ourselves . . ." The nervous man turned red, but he was being paid. "I enjoyed myself a lot, and when I went back to my room to, uh, well, I did feel like there was an ocean in me, but not in the memory part."
The audience laughed, but the presenter glowed. "Yes? And then?"
"And then I realized I wasn't in my room. I was in somebody else's house. What a day. They asked me to leave, but I needed to do something before I did."
More laughter. "And you still have this memory? Not for long, I think."
"Sure I do. Only now I remember a fish in the toilet, which I don't think is what happened."
So much entertainment.

The entertainment turned into something else when the dictator heard about the invention and arranged to have fish trail likenesses of himself behind them into every citizen's memory, but such is the delayed price of amusement.
Finis