Andrew Moore's Blog, page 127
April 2, 2022
Addendum
As for Sword of Shannara, some kind of John Denver-like songs should make up most of the score.
Musical Musings
Q. What kind of soundtrack should a Wheel of Time TV show have?
A. Either baroque or grinding PC-98 death music.
A. Either baroque or grinding PC-98 death music.
April 1, 2022
An Unobjectionable Pitch
Here's the newest hit: Perry Mason . . . but with ghosts!
Edit: We have decided to retract this pitch after being informed of the existence of the Phoenix Wright series of games as well as its spinoffs.
Edit: We have decided to retract this pitch after being informed of the existence of the Phoenix Wright series of games as well as its spinoffs.
March 31, 2022
Addendum
"Any sufficiently advanced technology knows the forbidden spell of destruction." - First Law of Wizard Mechs
"Any technology which does not know the forbidden spell of destruction is insufficiently advanced." - Corollary
"Any technology which does not know the forbidden spell of destruction is insufficiently advanced." - Corollary
March 29, 2022
A Test of Intellect
Idiots: Technology and magic should oppose each other!
Geniuses: Mechs with wizard staves!
Geniuses: Mechs with wizard staves!
Q&A Corner
Q. What do solar systems and families have in common?
A. There usually aren't enough bodies in them.
A. There usually aren't enough bodies in them.
March 28, 2022
Fantasy Edutainment
"Seems like an easy case, Stovak."
"Are you kidding? I've never seen a more puzzling mystery in all my career. We've got a long road ahead of us, Drupil, and there's no doubt about that."
Knight-Detective Drupil looked around the scene. The victim, the signs of a struggle with blood and broken pottery all over, the open window, the zombie standing next to the victim. "Uh, how so? The zombie killed him."
"Impossible." Knight-Detective Stovak raised three fingers. "Remember the three laws of zombonics. One! A zombie never kills anyone onscreen. Two! A zombie will chew nearby corpses for dramatic effect. Three! A zombe will attack all living things it sees slowly and ineffectually."
"Right, right. Wait. It's just standing there. Does that mean it isn't a zombie?"
"Yeah. And maybe . . ." Stovak kicked the victim, who grunted. "Maybe this isn't a corpse."
"That just makes it a simple case in a different way." Drupil reached down and helped up the ersatz corpse. "It's great to find out you're alive, God-Steward Tuild. Wait. You aren't Tuild!"
"No," the zombie said. "I am." Dun dun dun!
"I can't believe God-Steward Wregil knocked out Baron Edrak, who was threatening him over his relationship with his daughter, and used Count-Magician Brunuil's experimental transformation magic to turn his rival, God-Steward Tuild, into a zombie so he would eat the evidence," Drupil marveled.
"Too bad for him that there's one thing he forgot," Stovak said.
"The three laws of zombonics."
"That's right, partner."
THE END
Next time, a professor of lichology is found dead after a ritual gone wrong . . . and Knight-Detective Stovak's old squire is accused of murder.
"I hate this theatrical series. You can always tell who did it because it's the most famous actor in the cast that week. Besides, only Itrenorn zombies act that way."
"You say that every week, Trumarl, but every week we end up back here."
"Yeah, but you know why."
"Sure. Who'd your brother-in-law play this time? The temple custodian?"
"Right. Hey Criuak, you were great today, and so on, and my sister asked me to bring you this . . . Criuak? Criuak!"
"I can't believe it! He's been murdered!" Dun dun dun!
Finis
"Are you kidding? I've never seen a more puzzling mystery in all my career. We've got a long road ahead of us, Drupil, and there's no doubt about that."
Knight-Detective Drupil looked around the scene. The victim, the signs of a struggle with blood and broken pottery all over, the open window, the zombie standing next to the victim. "Uh, how so? The zombie killed him."
"Impossible." Knight-Detective Stovak raised three fingers. "Remember the three laws of zombonics. One! A zombie never kills anyone onscreen. Two! A zombie will chew nearby corpses for dramatic effect. Three! A zombe will attack all living things it sees slowly and ineffectually."
"Right, right. Wait. It's just standing there. Does that mean it isn't a zombie?"
"Yeah. And maybe . . ." Stovak kicked the victim, who grunted. "Maybe this isn't a corpse."
"That just makes it a simple case in a different way." Drupil reached down and helped up the ersatz corpse. "It's great to find out you're alive, God-Steward Tuild. Wait. You aren't Tuild!"
"No," the zombie said. "I am." Dun dun dun!
"I can't believe God-Steward Wregil knocked out Baron Edrak, who was threatening him over his relationship with his daughter, and used Count-Magician Brunuil's experimental transformation magic to turn his rival, God-Steward Tuild, into a zombie so he would eat the evidence," Drupil marveled.
"Too bad for him that there's one thing he forgot," Stovak said.
"The three laws of zombonics."
"That's right, partner."
THE END
Next time, a professor of lichology is found dead after a ritual gone wrong . . . and Knight-Detective Stovak's old squire is accused of murder.
"I hate this theatrical series. You can always tell who did it because it's the most famous actor in the cast that week. Besides, only Itrenorn zombies act that way."
"You say that every week, Trumarl, but every week we end up back here."
"Yeah, but you know why."
"Sure. Who'd your brother-in-law play this time? The temple custodian?"
"Right. Hey Criuak, you were great today, and so on, and my sister asked me to bring you this . . . Criuak? Criuak!"
"I can't believe it! He's been murdered!" Dun dun dun!
Finis
March 25, 2022
The Case of the Gregarious Gangs
Perry Mason sits in his office, discussing the last successful case with Paul Drake and Della Street. Just then, Gertie sends in a client. She's a beatiful woman who tells Perry the city has been taken over by thugs. He accepts one dollar as a retainer, walks through the door, and starts trashing enemies.
Perry Mason: brawler.
Paul Drake: powerful strikes.
Della Street: fast combos.
At one point you smash the door into the courthouse. Hamilton Burger objects, but the judge wants to see where the defense is going with this. Both are unlockable characters. Or DLC, depending how things shake out.
Perry Mason: brawler.
Paul Drake: powerful strikes.
Della Street: fast combos.
At one point you smash the door into the courthouse. Hamilton Burger objects, but the judge wants to see where the defense is going with this. Both are unlockable characters. Or DLC, depending how things shake out.
March 24, 2022
What Kind of Game Can Succeed in Today's Market?
Perry Mason beat-'em-up.
March 23, 2022
Thoughts on Dragalia Lost
As an expert in not playing Dragalia Lost, seeing as I only played the intro, I decided to explain its failure. Publish or perish, after all.
First, right from the beginning, the controls felt worse than similar games like Bleach Brave Souls.
Second, that intro gave the impression the game would be dungeon-focused, but when I looked in later, it seemed the entire thing was boss-in-a-box fights with a heavy co-op focus. The audience that wants more of the former feels deceived, and that which wants the latter will never know that game has it.
The biggest problem, however, is that it missed its aesthetic. It seems to me, a professor of not playing Dragalia Lost, that there's a triumvirate of aesthetic categories such that the successful mobile games hit one or two hard, which we will call Cute, Cool, and Coom. Games can touch on all three, but you can tell where its heart is. Granblue Fantasy is cool and Princess Connect is cute, for example.
So what's Dragalia Lost? It has those chibis, so it's cute, right? Not really. They don't have particularly cute expressions. They look like low-poly characters in an early Playstation game, as if their tininess were a technical limitation rather than a choice. Furthermore, they're being used to tell a pretty po-faced fantasy story about dragons and time travel. The music is cutesy, not cute. The difference is crucial. Maybe it's cool, but then, it's full of chibis and tubby dragons, not to mention pastels and slice of life type wyrmprint art are not the least bit cool, to say nothing of Euden's hair. It certainly isn't coom. The occasional bikini doesn't cut it. You need to hit different tastes and have a sense of the erotic which Dragalia Lost lacks almost completely. That's why it got so little fanart.
You can talk about this or that update or monetization all you want, but that only matters if people play it in the first place. Dragalia Lost's numbers were disappointing from the very beginning. I contend the primary reason was the lack of aesthetic appeal, although of course some people liked it a lot. Plenty of stuff I like also isn't popular, so I know how it is.
First, right from the beginning, the controls felt worse than similar games like Bleach Brave Souls.
Second, that intro gave the impression the game would be dungeon-focused, but when I looked in later, it seemed the entire thing was boss-in-a-box fights with a heavy co-op focus. The audience that wants more of the former feels deceived, and that which wants the latter will never know that game has it.
The biggest problem, however, is that it missed its aesthetic. It seems to me, a professor of not playing Dragalia Lost, that there's a triumvirate of aesthetic categories such that the successful mobile games hit one or two hard, which we will call Cute, Cool, and Coom. Games can touch on all three, but you can tell where its heart is. Granblue Fantasy is cool and Princess Connect is cute, for example.
So what's Dragalia Lost? It has those chibis, so it's cute, right? Not really. They don't have particularly cute expressions. They look like low-poly characters in an early Playstation game, as if their tininess were a technical limitation rather than a choice. Furthermore, they're being used to tell a pretty po-faced fantasy story about dragons and time travel. The music is cutesy, not cute. The difference is crucial. Maybe it's cool, but then, it's full of chibis and tubby dragons, not to mention pastels and slice of life type wyrmprint art are not the least bit cool, to say nothing of Euden's hair. It certainly isn't coom. The occasional bikini doesn't cut it. You need to hit different tastes and have a sense of the erotic which Dragalia Lost lacks almost completely. That's why it got so little fanart.
You can talk about this or that update or monetization all you want, but that only matters if people play it in the first place. Dragalia Lost's numbers were disappointing from the very beginning. I contend the primary reason was the lack of aesthetic appeal, although of course some people liked it a lot. Plenty of stuff I like also isn't popular, so I know how it is.
