David Lubar's Blog, page 14

Deadicated

Awesome full-time book reviewer Paul Goat Allen included Nathan Abercrombie in his list of the best zombie releases of 2010.

In news that doesn't involve me be seems worth mentioning, the 13th and final episode of Joshua Malina's web series, Backwash, was posted on Crackle on Monday. (Please note -- this is not for little kids.) Everything got tied up in unexpected and brilliant ways. If you enjoy eclectic comedy, check it out.

Scandango -- how to make the numbers dance

Okay -- for those of you who feel math might lead to head pain, here's an effortless formula for making sense out of the weekly Book Scan sales information.

Step 1: On the first line of a sheet of paper, write down the weekly sales total for each book.

Step 2: Using data from a service such as NovelRank or MetricJunkie, get your Amazon sales totals for the same week, and write this on line 2 of your paper.

Step 3: (This is the only place where you need simple math.) Since the Book Scan figures include the Amazon sales, you need to subtract line 2 from line 1. (If the math is a problem, find a calculator, or a ten-year-old.) Write this figure on line 3.

Step 4: Continue to accumulate data every week for six months, keeping each entry on a separate piece of paper.

Step 5: Go to the mail box. Take out your royalty statement. Read the figures on the bottom lines.

Step 6: Gather the pieces of paper and make 26 paper cranes.

Step 7: Repeat.

Captivate, decapitate, or something like that

Enter the Zombie, The fifth and final book in the Nathan Abercrombie, Accidental Zombie series, come out early next month. It's a fitting conclusion. I'm pleased with the way it came out. Even "they who will not be mentioned" gave it a nice review, with only a pinch of their traditional concluding-sentence snark. I love the cover art.

A one-way ticket to Padukahville

Every writer with an Internet connection has now spent hours staring at the Bookscan information that was recently made available for free. I'm happy with my numbers all over the country, but last month I had no sales at all in two of the 100 geographic regions covered by the data -- Padukah and Texarcana. It makes me sad to come so close to a clean sweep, and yet fall short. If you know anyone in either of those places, and are amenable to helping me score a fairly meaningless bragging right, please beg them, on my behalf, to buy one of my books this month.

Zombies, cougars, and bears, oh my!

Zombies:
Gretchen Kolderup just posted a great review of Enter the Zombie. I adore smart librarians.

Cougars:
I finally got around to watching Cougar Town. Like many people, I suspect I held off because of the title. I'm glad I finally took a look. The pilot was brilliant. I watched the first six episodes of season 1 last night, and the quality held. It's amazing how much damage a bad title can do to a program or book.

Bears:
I lied.

Noel explained

As I sit here and shiver, waiting for the electric heat to warm my frigid office, I find myself suddenly understanding why people stroll the streets this time of year, singing "Noel, noel." It's really "No L." Why? Because LMAO has become FMAO.

Alley babble and the 40 scribes

So I spent Friday and Saturday hanging out in an alley. Happily, it was Authors' and Illustrators' Alley at the NJ Association of School Librarian's conference. Imagine a long hall (or long haul, if you're driving there from PA), lined on both sides with tables. Tons of kidlit creators. I shared a table with Wendy Mass (rhymes with "class"), right next to Jordan Sonnenblick (rhymes with "Chanukah") on one side and Margery Cuyler (rhymes with "smiler") on the other. Wendy, Jordan, and I will all be going to Denver in February. I'm hoping there will be someone there who weighs more than I do, since we'll probably get snowed in, and someone will have to die so that others may eat. But back to NJASL (which rhymes with nothing one can say in public). NJ librarians are awesome.

This is definitely a tough time for NJ. I heard a lot of stories about layoffs, and far too many about districts where one librarian was supposed to cover several schools. Governor Christie is building his presidential aspirations on the backs of New Jersey's children. He believes he can crush the schools and look like a hero to people who are far enough away from NJ so all they see is staged Youtube political ads. In truth, Christie is a surgeon who carves away healthy organs in order to give the cancer more room to grow.

But I digress. The conference was a joy. It was great to talk shop with so many writers, and wonderful to talk books with so many librarians.

Oy Fay!

One Dozen Reasons Why Being Jewish Is Just Like Being Gay

1. You're born that way.

2. No amount of prayer by others will change #1

3. Even many people who like you as an idividual don't like "people like you."

4. You have at least one friend who really knows his diamonds.

5. You feel much safer at midnight in Times Square than at noon in any part of Alabama.

6. You'll frequently hear slurs during conversations with casual acquaintances who are
unaware that you're "one of them."

7. It's a capital offense in many Middle-eastern and African countries.

8. You probably have tickets for the ballet/opera/symphony, or at least a nice tote bag from your local PBS station.

9. It can take hours to dress for holidays and other special occasions.

10. Your people have contributed far more to science, the arts, and humanity than have those who hate you.

11. Most folks don't understand your attitude toward eating pork.

12. You've mastered the art of channeling your pain into comedy.

Would this be tacky?

Okay -- I need advice. I'll be attending the annual conference of the New Jersey Association of School Librarians at the end of this week. As many of you know, New Jersey's current governor isn't exactly a friend of libraries or schools (and thus, no friend of school libraries or school librarians). I was contemplating wearing a t-shirt that proclaimed "I am the Anti-Christie." But I am afraid some people might misread the message. Thoughts?

Thankful and proud

Among the many joys and pleasures of Thanksgiving (which began with a Wednesday meal of Carbonnades à la Flamande), my favorite moment came when my daughter, with whom I was playing a video game, said, "Maybe we should grind a bit before we move to the next region." (Explanation for those who don't play a lot of RPGs -- "grinding" is when you go back and fight the same enemies repeatedly to raise the abilities of your characters.) I am such a lucky father. And she's a lucky daughter. She knows that, no matter how old she gets, she can always count on being greeted with a two-player single-screen co-op game when she visits. Life is good.