Stephan Pastis's Blog, page 18

Is That a Banana In Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to Hear From Your Editor?

Just got a call from my editor telling me I could not use the word "banana" in a comic strip.

Well, to be fair, this is the context in which I used the word (Click on it to enlarge):

I argued that there were a lot worse terms I could have used for a Speedo, such as "grape smuggler."

That didn't persuade him.

I told him he was the first editor to ever censor the word "banana."  That didn't persuade him either.  He said he would censor that word each and every time it referred to a penis.

We went...

What I've Learned from the World Cup

I've been watching a lot of World Cup soccer.

Whenever there is a close-call involving contact between two players, both players roll around on the ground holding their shin.  The guy who does the most convincing job of this gets the call.

This bothers some people.

Not me.

I find it inspirational.

So yesterday, when my wife Staci told me I was supposed to pick up our son Tom from basketball practice, I told her she should have mentioned it to me earlier.  She says she did, but I wasn't...

Books, Books, Books

I just signed a whole bunch of books and drew a different character in each.

For information on getting one, click HERE.

Yosemite National Park Is Not Well-Run

On vacation for the week.  In Yosemite National Park.

A sign on the road said, "Speeding kills bears."

And all I can think is, "Who let them drive in the first place?"

I Had Her at Bucky Tu

I work a couple days a week at Charles Schulz's studio in Santa Rosa, California. One of the people I work with is named Becci (pronounced "Becky").

Only I don't call her Becci.

I call her Bucky Tuna.  And usually I don't even say that.

I say, "Bucky Tuuuuuuuu."

I think I got the nickname from Bucky Katt in Get Fuzzy (Bucky likes tuna). But it's been so long I really don't remember.

All I know is that as I saw her walking across the parking lot at work recently, I yelled, "Bucky TUUUUUU!!!" ...

The Best Lecture Ever

I'm on the plane from San Francisco to Newark and the flight attendant is giving the whole back of the plane a lecture.

Some man has put his bag in the overhead bin incorrectly and she doesn't like it.

"Whose bag is this??" she asks.

No one answers.

"Whose bag is this??" she asks louder.

"It's mine," a guy in the back mumbles.

"This is not how you put your bag in the overhead compartment," she says.

"Sorry," he says.

But she's not done with her lesson.

"What you've done is put your bag in the...

I'm Working Out More, and It's Getting People's Attention

I've been working out a lot lately.

And I don't want to brag, but people around me are noticing.

I say that because I just got this email:

Hi theratandpig@aol.com,Someone horny is waiting for you:http://indigonavy.com/4xz0xtoocmjh4-a-You must be 18 years of age or older to see who is waiting for you!

Making this even stranger, I think my new physique is particularly attractive

to Asian women.

I say that because shortly after getting that last email, I got this:

Dear theratandpig@aol.com,...

Woe to the Telemarketer Who Has to Call Me

Just got a sales call from a magazine asking me to subscribe.

"Can't," I said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"I'm blind," I said.

I could hear him searching through his sales call notebook.

"We have a special audio edition for the visually impaired."

"Won't do much good," I said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"I'm deaf."

I could hear him start to shuffle through his notebook again.  Then he got smart.

"Then how have you been hearing this conversation?" he asked.

"It comes and goes," I said.

"I've never heard of deafness t...

A Friend In Need is a Friend Indeed, Unless He Wants Brazilian Food

On Sunday I went to a place that serves Brazilian food.

The guy behind the counter said, "What can I get you, my friend?"

I asked what he recommended.

He said, "We have many good things, my friend."

I asked what most people ordered.

He said, "The chicken and rice, my friend."

I stared at him, wondering how we had grown so close so fast.

"I'll take the chicken and rice," I said.

He entered it in the register.

"That will be eight dollars, my friend."

I started to take my wallet from my pocket but...

Let Saigons be Saigons

I don't understand what the woman who cuts my hair is saying.

She's very sweet, and she's great at what she does, but her Vietnamese accent is so strong I have no idea what she's talking about.

The only thing I can figure out is that the stories she's telling are meant to be amusing.  I say this because she giggles at the end of them.  And some of them are apparently about her kids, something I know only because she once pointed to a framed photo of them.

When I first started going to her, I...