Deedee Cummings's Blog, page 12

Engage Your Child’s Brain This Summer

Parents sometimes look forward to summer as much as their kids do because our schedules aren’t quite so busy. There’s no rush to get to school or the bus stop; no packing lunches or homework to keep tabs on. It is a bit of a reprieve from the 10 months of busyness of the calendar school year. 

Even though it is a break, it’s important to keep kids thinking in some capacity, either by learning a new skill, reading, or lots of puzzle play. Whatever you choose, remember it doesn’t have to look “academic” for kids to get something from it. 

Summer can be a great time to teach kids a skill that you think is important for them to learn but that they might not get in school. Kids used to learn cursive, but since it is not something they are tested on, schools don’t spend much time on it anymore; teachers have to cover the material and the standards that students need to know in preparation for accountability measures. The months of June and July might be a great time for you to have your child start learning to write their legal names in cursive. One day they’ll have to sign a contract in person and they’ll need that. 

The summer months can also be a good time to have them practice various life skills, whether it is cutting grass, cooking dinner, or deadheading flowers on the deck. Young children can help parents count apples to put in the bag at the grocery. Older children can be tasked with finding certain groceries on their own to bring to the cart. A grocery store visit is a good time to show kids how to compare cost per ounce of comparable items.  

Make A Way Media also has a lot of activities to offer that are fun, engaging, and help kids develop a growth mindset. Sign up for free activities for your kids to do this summer. We email free materials every single month for families and kids to use as discussion tools and to broaden the horizons of young minds. Learn more about the K Club and sign up here.

We also have a new activity book which is packed with coloring sheets, puzzles and crafts that is pretty easy for kids to work on without a whole lot of help from an adult. Activity books are a great way to keep the gears turning and off constant screen time. You can see the latest activity book released by Make A Way Media here.

Taking children to the library is, of course, a favorite summer option for many families. Summer reading programs are available for children and teens in many places. Be sure to thank library staff who are usually inundated with families as soon as school ends and provide all kinds of cool activities and programming in addition to keeping library shelves restocked with books. 

Of course there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing nothing for a few days. Treat yourself if you are able and allow yourself (and your kids) some chill time. Then seize the opportunities the summer allows to expose your kids to growth mindset activities that are not as easy to fit in during the school year! Happy summer!

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My Dad’s Job- A Father’s Day Tribute

It’s time to celebrate all the Dads in our lives. What a special and important job. It is so special that in 2016 I was moved to write a book called My Dad’s Job. It is a tribute to my husband and our oldest son, both named Anthony.

My husband is a man of few words. Generally, when he speaks, it’s important, unlike many of the rest of us who share any thought that floats to the top of our brains. It is a very admirable quality and skill. I have often thought our children respond to direction much better from him that they do from me because they know when he says something he means it.

This book is a story about how the power of modeling plays a vital role in raising children. It’s like the old saying, “Do what I say, not what I do”. In my husband’s case the saying would be, “Do what I say, watch what I do”.

I love him for that.

The most beautiful tribute I think you can give to a Dad is a piece of your life is a story. No need for more ties or a new lawn mower. Write them a story. Tell them how they have:

shown up in your life.made your life brighter.left you with a laugh that comes to mind often.or otherwise impacted your life in a way that you will never forget.

This truly is the best kind of gift of all. Memories that you will treasure forever. I think that is really what a Dad’s job is all about. Being there.
Too often we make life so much harder than it has to be. We work ourselves to death to give our children things that we did not have. But in my decades working with families it has been proven time and time again, that all your family really wants is time with you. I hope this message is impactful and somehow makes your Father’s Day celebration more memorable and meaningful.

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Daring to Dream: Questions to ask yourself

We all have dreams, even if we don’t call them that. We may call them plans or possibilities or simply things we’d like to do or achieve. For some people, calling an idea a “dream” makes it feel unattainable. When you’re thinking about a dream, a plan, or a goal, use the language that makes you feel most comfortable and makes your idea feel achievable.

There are lots of things to consider when making a dream a reality. It requires a lot of self-reflection and the power of intention which I write more about here. 

One thing to consider is where your interests lie.  What is something you’re interested in enough that you’re willing to put effort into it? Is it something you are already good at and comfortable doing, or is it something completely new? We often think of doing more of what we’ve already done for a long time, and this is great, but it can also be motivating to try an activity or develop a skill that is totally fresh. 

Is the thing you’re interested in something you want to do for fun or something you want to do with the idea of making money? This is an important consideration because trying to monetize an activity can sometimes take the fun out of it for people. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, but it is critical to think about what to do if that happens. How will you feel if something you now love to do when you have time becomes something you have to do all the time? 

What are your short-term and long-term goals for the dream? What are your realistic (what you’d accept) goals and what are your “pie-in-the-sky” goals? It is essential to think about both. We often think we want to achieve in a big way, but maybe we’d be perfectly content to achieve in a small one. Or maybe we set only a lowly goal and are overwhelmed when things get big fast. 

Have you thought about the changes you will have to make in your life to make the dreams or goals happen? Will it require more reading? More schooling? A different career path? Taking lessons? Spending time with new people? Cutting back on spending time with family or friends? 

These are just a few of the many considerations we should all ponder on when we’re considering making a dream come true. If you are having trouble identifying your dreams or carrying them out contact us here. This is what we do. We inspire people to dream.

Dreams are the reason you are here. ~Deedee Cummings

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Read to Escape

There are many reasons why people read. We read to learn about things we know nothing or little about. We read to be persuaded. We read to be entertained. Sometimes we read to escape our lives, if only for 20 minutes. Of course, most of us experience all of these things at least a little bit when we read–we learn, we’re persuaded, we’re entertained, and we escape for a little bit. 

With summer approaching, it is a great time to indulge yourself in simply fun reading. Sure, you may pick up a book about how to grow tomatoes, or how to can, or how to travel in whatever city you may visit, but June through August is also a superb time to give your brain a little summer respite.

We all need to give our brains a break to improve our mental health. 

Remember when you were a kid on summer vacation from school? No homework and no waking up early. It was one of the best parts of childhood–the freedom from rules and routines. This summer, consider reading books solely for the fun of it. Here are some ideas to help:

1–Read a book about a location you love. If you love the beach, read a beach book. If you love mountains, read a book set in the mountains. If you love Chicago, read a book set in the Windy City. 

2–Read a kid’s book so that you can feel as you did when you were a kid. Even better, read a book you LOVED when you were a kid. Is it just as good now?

3–Read a book that is funny and light. Has your favorite comedian written a book? If so, check it out. Kevin Hart’s I Can’t Make This Up or Dear Girls by Ali Wong may be the books you need to set the tone of a fun summer. 

4–Read a book about something you loved when you were a kid. Did you watch Sesame Street as a child? Maybe check out Sonia Manzano’s memoir Becoming Maria or Street Gang: The Complete History of Sesame Street by Michael Davis.

5-Lastly, don’t forget the importance of reading something that exposes you to a part of the world or the lives of others which you had no idea existed. There is nothing more fun than a good read like Crazy Rich Asians that also helps increase our empathy and broaden our cultural horizon.

Adapting this mindset also helps reinforce modeling for any younger readers in your life. They will see you reading for fun, and as a way to unwind, and they will be more likely to do the same. Don’t forget to let us know what you are reading this summer so we can add these books to our list!

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Pivoting to Achieve a Goal

For a lot of people, May is when it finally starts to feel like spring. While spring begins in March, the end of that month and all of April can still feel wintery (or rainy). May is a month of better weather and flowers, when everything seems new and in bloom.

This is why May might be a good time to check-in with yourself, to see how you’re feeling about any goals or resolutions you set in the early days of the new year. It might be a good time to pivot and make some different goals if the first set of goals aren’t going quite the way you wanted.

If you’re feeling down about those original goals not panning out, this is the time to give yourself a pep talk. 

Many of us were told as children not to be “quitters”. If we started something, we had to finish it, whether that be eating our peas at the dinner table or playing a sport. There are a lot of benefits to staying the course and continuing on even when you might not feel like it. We all go through periods where we feel meh, and often if we give ourselves time and continue on, we come through it with a sense of pride for having gotten through it. 

But sometimes staying the course simply isn’t possible due to things like illness, job changes, or the needs of a child or loved one. We shouldn’t feel bad if we can’t meet a goal when things have changed or if we come to the realization that we really did not know what we were getting in to. That does not make you a quitter. Stop being so hard on yourself. The world does enough of that for us!

It’s possible, too, that the goal was too big and broad given the constraints of our lives. Big plans are exciting to make but often hard to achieve. Maybe the thing to do now in this time of self-reflection is to break your big goal into smaller steps that will give you a more immediate reason to celebrate. Think achievable. Think realistically.

That isn’t quitting; that is pivoting. Be kind to yourself to allow for a change in direction. 

 

Other times, it may very well be in your best interest to quit. If that word bothers you, think of pivoting, of changing direction but staying on a path forward. Staying on the same course when it isn’t working is foolish and a waste of time and resources. If you were driving on the road and saw an obstacle in your lane, would you keep in the same lane because you had “committed” to it? Of course not. 

Think of recalibrating your goals as re-assessing and pivoting to be able to reach them better given what you have going on in your life. It happens to all of us. The key is to have some goal which will give you a sense of purpose and direction in life. This is an important part of the Make A Way Mindset!

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May: Get Caught Reading Month!

May is Get Caught Reading Month. Have you ever walked by someone who was reading a book and felt the desire to say something? One of the best things about seeing a stranger reading a book is that you feel like you get to know a little bit about them. If you’re a book lover, seeing another book lover doing their thing on a park bench, a bus seat, the subway, or in a coffee shop brings up some questions such as

1–Did they pick this book or was it a gift?

2–Is this book something they’ve wanted to read for a long time?

3–Is this a genre that they love or hate? Are they trying something outside of their wheelhouse?

4–What do they think of the cover? 

5–Are they loving this book or hating it?

6–Have they read other books by the author?

7–Have I read this book? What did I think of it?

Seeing someone reading is an opportunity for an instant conversation. It is a moment of mutual shared connection with another person that could turn into a fun book-related discussion, even if it is only until the next stop on the line. With the popularity of e-readers and reading apps on people’s phones, seeing someone reading an actual print book can feel like seeing a rare bird in the wild. It can feel kind of exciting!

While you might not converse with another adult you see reading because it may feel awkward to you, conversing with a child you see reading might be something you’re willing to do, and it can be important to that little reader. 

First, remarking on a child’s reading shows them that other people beyond their family also like to read. It makes reading that much more special than it already is. 

Secondly, asking questions of a little reader helps them retain information about what they’ve read. Ask them to tell you a short summary (What’s that book about?) or give you information about what genre it is. 

Third, as part of the conversation, you can help them make connections to other things, such as a movie, another book, or an event. If a child is reading a book about a cookie, you might tell them you ate the best chocolate chip cookies over the weekend and ask what their favorite cookie is. Making connections between a book and real life is an important reading skill. Make sure you get caught reading all month long!

 

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Widen Your Circle

It can be easy to forget that not everyone lives in the same way you do, but we all do it. Whatever our normal is seems like it is “the” normal for everyone, everywhere. While this might not seem like a big deal, forgetting can sometimes make us come across to others as thoughtless, tone-deaf, or worse. 

For example, if most of your friends go on a vacation every year, you become used to talking about the planning for these trips. It is fun and gives you (and your usual circle of friends) joy. But if you talk about this in the same way with a cashier at the store… who works two part-time jobs… makes minimum wage… and struggles to make ends meet- you might give off a vibe you didn’t intend. 

We have all heard the idea of putting ourselves in other people’s shoes, but in practice, we often don’t even know what kinds of shoes other people wear. Sadly, we easily forget from the comfort of our own homes, that some people have no shoes at all. It is for this very reason that it is really important to widen our circle of friends, coworkers, and acquaintances because it really makes us aware that not everyone lives as we do. We desperately need this perspective of our own lives, our triumphs, and struggles. It helps make us more empathetic and better connects us to the human experience. Diverse friends enrich our lives.

So how do we widen our circle? This can be a challenge if you’re introverted or simply don’t have a whole lot of time to give beyond work and family, but there are steps to consider:

1–Volunteer in some capacity in a neighborhood or area of your city that isn’t your own. Find a service task that you’re interested in and volunteer where you can meet people who don’t live exactly where or how you live. 

2–Read books about people and places VERY different from your own. This is, perhaps, the easiest and safest way to put yourself in others’ shoes. If you live in an urban area, read a book about someone who lives in a rural setting. Look at who you are and your life situation and select a book in which the characters are the opposite. 

3–Go to a government-sponsored forum about a topic in your community. Maybe your newspaper or local library is sponsoring a free event. Attend so that you can learn about what is happening in your area beyond right where you live and work.

4–Find a meetup group that has an interest in something you’re passionate about or become involved in a professional organization that may give you an opportunity to meet others. This way you know that you and whomever you meet will have a shared hobby or professional life in common. There are so many awesome opportunities for this like book clubs or coffee clubs.

5–Invite someone you meet and feel safe with to your home for lunch, dinner, or a celebration. We have done this for several Thanksgivings, and we are always so glad we had the opportunity to meet people who were different from us. It truly made our meal richer. This kind of thing happens all the time. Remember the story about Wanda Dench who sent the accidental text message to Jamal Hinton? Wanda meant to send the text to her grandson, but the message accidentally went to Jamal. They have spent SEVEN Thanksgivings together and their story is in talks to be made into a movie. What a beautiful story it is. I am sure that Jamal and Wanda, now, cannot imagine their lives without one another. Invite people– when you can do so safely. These are the exact kind of connections that make our lives feel more fulfilled. When we reflect on our lives and our friendships, these are the experiences that will provide some of our most treasured memories.

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Helping Disinterested Readers

There are many, many simple ways to help make reading something your kids enjoy, but it isn’t at all uncommon for kids to not read as much in middle and high school. If you are a big reader, you may feel like you’ve failed in some way if your child doesn’t love reading in the way that you do. 

When kids are in preschool and elementary age, the easiest ways to encourage a love of reading are the following:

1–Immerse them in books. Take them to the library. Buy them books. Ask family members to gift books to your child for birthdays and holidays. And do things that are book related that might peak their interest to read the rest of the story.

2–Read to them at every opportunity. It can be easier to hand them a device, but a device doesn’t build their fond memories of spending time with a parent reading, nor does it activate their ability to learn language the way listening to a human voice does. Taking the time to read to them shows them that you value them and you value reading.

3–Model reading by letting them see you in the act of reading. I once saw a cartoon on this very subject. Two parents were sitting on a bench- one on a tablet and one reading a book. Their two kids were in front of them- one on a tablet one reading a book. The parent on the tablet said to the parent reading the book, “How do you get them to read?” The answer: modeling. Nothing beats it. If you spend every evening watching television, including while winding down before bed, your child is not going to want to do anything but the same. Our kids watch what we do and listen to what we say, and they want to see our actions match our words. 

4-Talk about books. There is this whole cool world created by books. Actually, there are hundreds of thousands of cool worlds created by books. It helps children to hear what worlds you’ve discovered- all because of a book.

5-Let them pick their own books whenever possible. There are some books that kids have to read. But there are many that they can choose for themselves. The more they read what they want. The easier time they will have getting through the books that are assigned to them.

As children get older and become more involved in activities, reading can take a backseat to other things like sports or video games. Preteens and teenagers also develop their own unique likes and dislikes related to reading, and parents might be tempted to steer them in a direction the parent likes, but the child isn’t keen on. For example, graphic novels are extremely popular among young readers, but sometimes parents don’t consider those as valuable as books with longer chapters. Children do read longer books in school so in an effort to encourage the joy of reading, it might be worth it to let a child self-select books, even if they don’t seem like “worthy” titles to a parent. (One of many “pick your battle” opportunities for parents.)

It is also important for parents and family to still gift books to preteens, teens, and young adults, especially books on a topic they’re interested in. Maybe your teenager doesn’t love to read, but they LOVE to cook. Buy them a cookbook or a biography of a chef, such as Notes from a Young Black Chef by Kwame Onwuachi or a book by Anthony Bourdain. They may be willing to read a book if it is about something they are passionate about. Buying them a book shows them that you still value reading, but you also value and appreciate their interests. 

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Be An Oyster!

It can be hard to let a negative feeling go, can’t it? Maybe it was a thoughtless comment by a spouse or a small dig from a co-worker that made you feel rotten. Sometimes, even though we know we should let it go, a comment from another person burrows into our subconscious, and we can’t forget. 

While we’ve long thought of a grain of sand forming a beautiful pearl, in truth, a pearl forms when an irritant is lodged inside an oyster, and it cannot rid itself of the offending material.  While the pearl ends up being something humans find beautiful, the act of an oyster creating it, by covering the irritant with minerals, is the oyster’s attempt at eliminating their discomfort or suffering.

To see a pearl is to see everything that the oyster did to try not to hurt anymore.

Maybe we need to be more like an oyster when someone has irritated us; when a remark or a text has gotten under our skin. Even though we may not like the irritant, we have to acknowledge it and think about whether there was any truth to it. We may need to consider what was going on with the other person who said it. Were they tired or stressed? Are we tired or stressed and letting something that normally wouldn’t bother us become a problem?

Like the oyster, after assessing that there is indeed something that is irritating, we need to coat ourselves in layers of protection, and that can look different depending on who we are. Reminding ourselves of our positive qualities or thinking of a better memory with the person who was thoughtless can sometimes help. It might be a good idea to take a walk to clear your mind. Put some space between you and the incident. Play a quick game on your phone to take your mind off being irritated. Daydream about an upcoming event or activity that you’re looking forward to (and you will not have to deal with this person). Do something small to make yourself feel better- just like the oyster. Think about this the next time you want to be “an irritant” back to the person who is irritating you. My mother used to say… never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it. The last thing we want to do is be an irritant ourselves. Take the high road and be an oyster!

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So Many Reading-Related Celebrations in April!

April is chock full of reading-related celebrations that can help motivate you (or your child) to do more reading.

For starters, the fourth month of the year is Drop Everything And Read (DEAR) month, with April 12 serving as DEAR Day. Of course, for book lovers any day can be a “drop everything and read” day! The date was selected because it is the birthday of American children’s author Beverly Cleary. Elementary schools often make a big deal of DEAR Day with lessons and activities, but it is very much a day (or month) that anyone can use to motivate them to make reading a priority. 

April 4 is National School Librarian Day. For so many children, school libraries are where they really become independent pursuers of books. While a lot of kids first learn to love reading because of special time on their parents’ laps being read to, access to their school library is where they first get to self-select books without their parents’ input, and that is a big deal. If you’ve ever had to read a book that someone else selected, and you had no choice, you know how that can feel a lot like work instead of enjoyment, and that is no different for kids.

Thanks to the school librarians who help foster kids’ love of reading!

For those who love poetry, April 28 is National Great Poetry Reading Day, which gives an opportunity to find some of your favorite poetry and read it, alone or to someone else. Whose poems inspire you? Amanda Gorman? Ada Limon? Ross Gay? 

Here are some simple ways to celebrate the various reading events in April:

1–Text some lines from a favorite poem to friends or family. Or post them on social media and tag the poet! Let them know how much you love their work.

2–If you struggle to fit in time to read, stop watching television 20 minutes earlier than normal this month so that you can Drop Everything and Read! Before you know it, you just may be reading a little longer than that.

3–If your schedule allows, contact your child’s school librarian and ask if you can visit to read a book to the class. If you can’t miss work, see if you can record a video that the school librarian can show to classes of kids. Sharing a book with a child is always a win!

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