Deedee Cummings's Blog, page 8

The Itchy, Scratchy Ennui

It is not at all uncommon at the end of winter to get that itchy feeling of being so ready for the season to change. We’re tired of being cooped up in the house. We’re tired of eating cheese and watching television. We are ready for spring, summer, sun, and barbeques. 

And yet we have another couple weeks, or in some cases, at least another month to go. Blah.

This feeling you have is called ennui, a chronic form of boredom that can’t be quickly mitigated by just finding something to do. Even if you do find something to do, you might soon discover that you’re bored with that, too. 

So how can you manage this uncomfortable, listless feeling?

First, try not to fight it. Fighting an uncomfortable emotion may seem like a smart step, but doing so actually makes you less tolerant of unpleasant feelings and worse at handling them. 

Think and perhaps write about what is causing this feeling. Is there a particular thing about which you feel dissatisfied? Maybe it is just the lingering winter, so perhaps write about three things you want to do as soon as the weather allows. But you may find that your listlessness is about something deeper. Maybe you don’t feel challenged in your job or you feel too stressed in it. Maybe a friendship isn’t checking all the boxes. Even though ennui doesn’t feel great, it can sometimes be the impetus we need to get us to make changes.

Adding mindfulness practice is one way to help you manage your ennui. Allowing your mind to only focus on small sensory details (like the carpet beneath your sock feet or the sound of the heater pushing air through the vents) helps take the bite out of ennui, making it less unpleasant and clearing your mind so you’re better equipped to think about what the real problem might be and how you could solve it.

My favorite thing of all to do, however, is to picture my own life in a season of winter. It brings me some excitement to think about what I have shed over the past few months (or what I should have shed) to get ready for the rebirth of Spring. Our lives really do tend to mirror the seasons. Winter is a chance for us to slow down, regroup, and get ready to bloom and take flight just like all the beautiful flowers, the trees, the birds and the bees.

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The Importance of Letting Children Fail

It is hard to watch your children make mistakes; it literally hurts your heart because you know the sadness, disappointment, or frustration that your child will experience. But just as you learned from your own mistakes and managed the feelings that came with them, so too must your children. 

Stepping in feels like an act of love because it removes hardship and potential pain, but the opposite is actually true and strangely paradoxical. Parents hobble their children by clearing the way for them and removing problems and obstacles. 

So how can a parent manage their own anxiety that comes with letting children make mistakes?

1–Remember that your child is not a reflection of you

Our children may get traits and tendencies from us, but they are not us, and we are not them. They are their own people who are going to make choices that differ from ours. It is important to remember this and honor your child for who they are. Parents sometimes want to prevent and/or mitigate their children’s mistakes because they don’t want others to see them in a bad light. It is times like these we might need to remind ourselves of something we often tell our children: “It doesn’t matter what other people think; do what you know in your gut is right.”

2–Open up lines of communication

If you are concerned that your child will make a mistake or fail to do something, you might consider posing one or two questions rather than lecturing or nagging (since no one likes to be on the other end of that). For example, asking “How is that history paper coming along?” lets your child know you are paying attention but it doesn’t overwhelm them. You might follow up with, “Let me know if you need help or want some feedback,” a statement that shows your support. It also puts the ball in your child’s court, giving them ownership of the issue and with an idea of how to handle this problem. 

3–Let consequences happen

Life is going to hand your children consequences. If they refuse to wear a jacket to school, they will be cold, but one day of cold will teach them to dress more appropriately. If they forget to pack their lunch, they will be hungry and remember their lunch the next day. There may be some situations where you tell your child that you will instill consequences. For example, a child who doesn’t pass classes may get their phone taken away until the grades improve.

But the most important thing about consequences is they have to be consistently enforced. If you give a consequence and don’t enforce it, that consequence has lost meaning and you’re child will only learn that you don’t follow your own word. 

4–Breathe deeply and let it go

You cannot control everything nor should you try. Letting go of that desire to control and taking a deep, cleansing breath is powerful. Remind yourself that you turned out alright and your children will too. Life is full of lessons. We do not have to personally administer them all. In fact, the lessons your child may remember the most will come from the times you let them make their own way… and their own mistakes.

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Daring to Dream–Should You Stay or Should You Grow Now?

You’re probably familiar with the phrase “Go big or go home,” but what does going big mean when you are working toward a dream and, more importantly, how can going big impact your life?

Nothing in life begins big. From an acorn growing into a majestic oak to an infant becoming a towering basketball player to a hurricane starting as a tropical depression, everything has a small beginning and then has the potential to grow to unknown heights and breadth. Including you.

Every dreamer likes the idea of getting big, and getting big fast seems better than growing slowly. 

But is bigger and faster really the best way to achieve a dream? After all, if getting their fast is your goal, what might you miss out on along the way? And what if you walk away too quickly when the dream does not come fast enough?

In nature, growth in cells that happen too fast and grow too big are called cancerous sometimes, and that is in no way a positive thing. 

Growing big and doing it quickly can be exciting, but it can also be tremendously stressful because there is little time to adjust or to earn valuable lessons along the way. We may make silly decisions because we have to make them quickly. We may feel overwhelmed. We may be asked too many questions that we don’t know the answers to. We may miss the little touches that can contribute to the long-term success of a dream because we are overly focused on handling the big issues. We most certainly will miss out on meaningful connections along the way.

When we think about taking a dream and turning it into reality, we should consider our potential steps if we really want long-term growth to stick? Maybe going big should not be the goal? This is a very personal decision that only the dreamer can determine. 

So ask yourself these questions as you dare to dream:

What is my preferred timeline for my dream?

What would happen if it grows very fast? How would I handle this? Who would I ask to support me and help me as I grow?

What are the potential positives of growing big and fast for me and my life?

What are the potential downsides of growing big and fast for me and my life? 

Why do I see the biggest dream possible, as fast as possible, as the preferred route?

The plan is up to you.

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Loving Yourself this Valentine’s Day

If you’ve ever been on a plane, you’ve seen the flight attendants demonstrate that, in an emergency, a passenger should always put their oxygen mask on first before offering help to another person. This makes sense, of course. You can’t help other people if you’ve passed out from a lack of oxygen. 

When it comes to everyday life, however, we often forget how important it is to take care of oneself first before attempting to assist others. Women, especially, struggle with this. We help our children, we help our parents, we help our partner, and we often end up tired, cranky, and possibly ill because we’ve burnt the candle at both ends and down the middle. 

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, it is probably a good idea to think about self-love for a moment. We often talk and hear about self-care, but self-love is different; it is the well from which self-care springs. If we think about self-care as action, self-love is the emotion behind the action. Self-love is the force. Get some concrete tips on steps you can take here.

What does it mean to love oneself?

Self-love means to acknowledge the value intrinsic in you. You have value not because of anything you do for others or give to others. You have value because you are a human on this earth. 

Self-love means accepting your weaknesses and frailties along with your talents and strengths. Acceptance, though, doesn’t mean you don’t do anything to modify your weaknesses especially if they make your life challenging. If a person has a natural talent for singing, they train and practice; they strive to improve their strength. If a person has a weakness (and we all do), they work to make that weakness become less of a challenge in their lives. If your weakness is anger, you work to manage it. If your weakness is negative self-talk, you work to lessen its negative effects. 

Self-love means asking for help. Despite the pervasive notion that we can and should pull ourselves up by our bootstraps without an assist, the idea is absurd. In the animal kingdom, humans are completely dependent on their families for a very, very long time. Unlike horses or zebras that can stand and run shortly after birth, or monkeys that can cling to branches or their parents after a couple weeks, humans require years and years of care before they are capable of surviving on their own. Acknowledging that you need help and seeking it out is far from a show of anything you lack; rather it is a profound show of strength. 

This Valentine’s Day, show yourself some love. Get to know who you are. Show yourself more empathy and kindness. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Be proud of who you are. Ask for what you need and do not accept less. You’re worth it.

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Black History Month All Year Long

February is Black History Month and while this is a great thing to celebrate all month long, we should actually be learning Black history all the time, just as we should always be learning women’s history, Native American history, Asian history, Latino history, and… we could go on. 

Black history IS American history. We can miss a lot of learning if we only read about the stories that have historically been part of school books and class syllabi. 

For example, many of us learned about or have at least heard about John Brown, the white abolitionist who raided Harpers Ferry in 1859 in an effort to spur a move toward freedom. But did you know that he was accompanied by five Black men, four of whom were already free? Their names have all but been ignored throughout history. 

A book you might want to consider reading, especially if you haven’t read Black history widely, is Jermaine Fowler’s The Humanity Archive, or you can listen to the podcast of the same name. He covers a lot of ground in both the book and the show which helps broaden one’s understanding of history beyond the major events and figureheads. We were honored to have Jermaine Fowler as the headlining author at last year’s Louisville Book Festival which is produced by Make A Way Media.

Another story that has recently come to light can be found in a book titled Master Slave Husband Wife by Ilyon Woo. It is the story of Ellen Craft, an enslaved woman whose father was her white master. To get herself and her husband, William, out of slavery, she disguised herself as a wealthy white disabled man and her husband posed as her slave. They traveled up North in a brilliant ruse, escaping the horrors of slavery not under cover but in plain sight. 

While these books are newer, a standout book from 2010 that continues to impact people is The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot. Henrietta Lacks’ cells continue to be used today as part of revolutionary medical experiments despite the fact that they were taken from her and used without permission in 1951. Her contributions to science are immeasurable.

These stories are important and we should not shy away from them because slavery is such a dark and ugly chapter in our history. Deedee Cummings who is the founder of Make A Way Media talks about the pride that we should feel as a country who was able to move on from slavery, even though our world is still not ideal.

“Black history is about much more than slavery, but there are so many ancestors who gave their very lives to get us where we are today. It is important that we never forget them or their stories. We owe it to them and we owe it to us as a nation to celebrate these lives and to tell their stories.” ~ Deedee Cummings, Founder of Make A Way Media and the Louisville Book Festival

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Self-Care Tips for January

You might want to curl up on the couch and eat starches from morning to night, and this is ok sometimes as part of a scheduled self-care routine, but there are other ways to take care of yourself during the winter. Be mindful of whether the issue is a need for small self-care rituals or whether the issue you face is bigger, such as depression or seasonal affective disorder which is a very real thing in kids and in adults. 

We hear a lot of chatter about self-care, but there are some situations that go beyond the scope of just a bubble bath and a manicure. For example, if you are facing abuse in a relationship, you can’t self-care your way into a more loving situation. An extremely stressful job or financial problems in a family are situations that may require bigger and more permanent changes, such as counseling with a therapist or the help of an attorney. 

But if you’re just facing the temporary winter blahs, the suggestions below can help improve your mood at least for a little while: 

*Bundle up and take a short walk when the sun is shining (to mitigate that cold) and expose you to some rays of sun during the short winter days.

*If you hate the cold, walk up and down the steps several times a day to give yourself a boost of energy and get your oxygen flowing.

*Consider using light therapy, with a device like the one found here. It really does help.

*Add root vegetables like squash into your diet to give yourself a boost of vitamins.

*Reread your favorite book.

*Read a completely silly book that you normally wouldn’t just because it is fun and light.

*Complete a puzzle with a friend one dreary weekend.

*Rewatch a movie you loved from when you were a kid or teenager and relive the enjoyment you felt back then.

*Visit an art or science museum to get your creative juices flowing.

*Watch YouTube and learn a new hobby, like crochet or painting. You don’t have to be great at it- just doing something different replaces something else we are missing.

*Pick a place in your house to organize to give yourself a feeling of accomplishment. Don’t get overwhelmed with the whole house or the whole room. Just work on this one corner.

*Make a list of the things you’ve accomplished. You will surprise yourself. Having trouble generating a list? Start a friend or sibling circle and send reminders of achievements to each other.

*Treat yourself to a small gift. Even something as small as a candle by your bedside can bring a smile to your face.

*Smell something good, like a candle or a freshly laundered towel.

*Keep your head up. Winter has a purpose and so do you!

Do you have any really helpful tips and tricks for beating the winter blahs? Share them with us!

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Daring To Dream: How To Dream – Part 1

We are celebrating ten years of Make A Way Media all year long. Be sure to follow our Instagram page for lots of giveaways in 2024. We will have more giveaways than we ever have before to celebrate this decade-long achievement of spreading beauty and kindness across our world.

It hasn’t been an easy journey. There have been lots of highs and lots of lows. But it has all been worth it and it all started with a dream. Deedee Cummings was a social worker and a therapist for two decades before she founded Make A Way Media. Deedee was inspired by her work with children and by a lack of diversity in publishing. In 2014, she began with just one small book that was only 73 words long! Sixteen books later Make A Way Media is a force in the children’s publishing industry and Deedee is sharing much of what she has learned through her new program: Make A Way Mindset!

The Make A Way Mindset is all about taking advantage of where you are right now, right in this very moment and listening to what your heart is calling you to do. It seems so cliché, but it is true: We only get this one life. What are you going to do with yours?

What is it that your heart whispers to you… that your heart calls you to do? What is it that you would do if you were not afraid, burdened, or overwhelmed? That whisper is the beginning of your dream. It is important. It is why you are here. That whisper is how you find your passion and how you make your life a life you love and not just a life you suffer through.

You owe it to yourself to spend time alone with that dream. Tune out the noise and figure out exactly what that dream is. If the dream is on your heart, it is there for a reason. It belongs to you. Don’t be afraid of it or feel overwhelmed. Just start with one step toward that dream. Just one. You can do that, right?

Just start by spending time with your dream. Just you and the dream. Tune out social media and all of the naysayers. Write the dream down. What do you need to know? Make learning what you need to know the next step after writing your dream down. You can do this.

Ten years will pass whether you begin today or not. Whatever it is you want to do can be done or the dream would have never found it’s way to you. The dream came to you because you are ready. Are you going to answer?

 

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When the World Seems Bleak

Fighting in Ukraine and Israel. Shootings and stabbings in the US that are directed at Muslims. Anti-Semitism rampant on social media. While we feel fortunate if our daily lives are not directly affected by these events, it is difficult to not allow them to affect our mood, spirit, and our outlook on the world. 

January 15, 2024 is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day which provides us with an opportunity to use his words as a solace for ourselves and others amid so much sadness and despair.

In his 1958 article, “Out of the Long Night,” Dr. King wrote:

“When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that there is a creative force in this universe, working to pull down the gigantic mountains of evil, a power that is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows. Let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.” 

We may not be able to stop war or prevent shootings, but we can act in accordance with Dr. King’s wishes by working for justice and showing compassion to others. Dr. King also said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: ‘What are you doing for others?’”

In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., consider what you are doing or can do for others. Maybe it is donating food to a local pantry or volunteering to help at-risk students practice their reading at school. Maybe you can do something for others by sending cards to or visiting older adults who aren’t able to get out very often. Or think about attending charitable events to raise money for worthy causes. Actions as quick and as easy as writing a letter to your local newspaper or legislator can highlight a need to respond to injustice in your community. 

Do something today to commemorate and celebrate peace as a way to feel a part of transforming dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows. If you are looking for more ways to talk with the children in your life, Make A Way founder Deedee Cummings wrote a book called This is The Earth to talk with little ones about the power we have to spread peace and justice right in our own backyards and in our classrooms. Hope begins with action.

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Let’s CELEBRATE! 10 years of Make A Way Media!!!

Wow! Ten years of Make A Way Media. It is hard to believe. I started this dream in 2014 after a long career working with children and families. I was also inspired by the extreme lack of diverse characters and stories. I remember sitting in my office and having the dream to write a book. I also remember being really afraid.

Who am I to write a book? Who cares about what I have to say?

Many people who want to write have these same thoughts. I am so glad I did not listen to this little voice that made me feel as though telling stories was not for me. I often tell people about the words that floated to the top of my brain the most. They were not a lot of words. Just 73 words. Those words called to me and begged me to put them down on paper. So I did. Next issue? This is a kid’s book. I needed an illustrator. I put out the call to several people that I was looking for an artist and lo and behold, a family friend connected me to a young budding artist named Erika Busse from my hometown. My words and Erika’s art formed my very first picture book. A beautiful, simple poem about how special Love Is….

The most important lesson I have learned over these ten years is that you do not always have to have all of the answers figured out. You just have to listen to what is calling you and then be brave enough to take the first step. Over the past ten years I have led some pretty massive projects:

The publication of seventeen books.Formed five companies.Held a Kickstarter that raised more than $40,000.00.Employed dozens of people.Founded a book festival!

All just to name a few things that have kept me running for the last decade. I am talking to you when I tell you that there is no magic formula for doing these things. It really happened solely because I took a deep breath and took one step toward making a dream happen. Then I took a deep breath and took the next step. I am a firm believer (and a witness) that the universe will reward you for taking that step. As scary as it is, it is real.

In 2024, we are going to be celebrating an entire decade of this dream: Make A Way Media. I’ll be sharing my story and how I did it over on our new platform Make A Way Mindset. We will also be having massive giveaways all year long so make sure you are following us on Instagram to stay up to date! It’s been a magical 10 years and I just want to say thank you to every single one of you who has been a part of our journey. Whether you bought a book, left a review, attended one of our workshops, or just liked some of our social media posts- it took all of us to get here. That is the power of forward momentum. Thank you so much for loving Make A Way Media. Happy New Year to all and watch what we do in year ten!

 

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Daring to Dream: Coming up on Resolution Time

The day draws near, the one some people love and others hate. How are you feeling about January 1, 2024? Did you make resolutions at the start of 2023 and don’t want to think about how those panned out?

You are in good company. 

Thinking about one’s resolutions often comes with guilt and disappointment (see a pattern here?… we sure are hard on ourselves), and no one likes to feel either of those things. So consider reframing your reflection. 

Instead of focusing on the things you didn’t do, which is what most of us pay attention to, look at what you did accomplish and ask yourself why. If you sre struggling to come up with a list of wins, ask others to send you what they have seen. You will be surprised!

What is on your list of wins? Maybe the reason you accomplished these things is because you had a friend doing them with you? Maybe the reason you completed those goals is because they were the easiest and quickest ones? Or maybe those things were your biggest, most important priorities and the other issues simply weren’t as critical to you so you didn’t put as much effort into them. 

Use the goals you did accomplish in 2023 to help guide your goal-setting for 2024. Say you have a gardening goal but it will take more work than what you as one person can do. Consider asking a friend to help, finding a middle or high school student who needs service hours for National Honor Society or Beta Club, or consider paying a company to do part of the work and you can finish the remainder. No one said you have to do everything all by yourself in order for the job to get done. 

Did you have a reading goal that you didn’t complete? Consider focusing on a genre instead because you mystery books (as an example) really, really quickly and enjoy them. Rather than resetting a goal to read 10 different genres, including classics which you really don’t like, set a “mystery genre” goal of some kind, which will get you reading more of the books you already enjoy and can get read in a more timely fashion. 

Modify your goal to make it work with your strengths—the things you do well or fast or enjoy. Make your dreams work for you and you will be far more successful in checking your goals off your list.

Happy 2024! We at the Make A Way family wish you a happy and healthy new year. We want you to soar and we believe you can. How do we know you can do it? Because every single one of us has it in us. That means you do too. If you need help defining your dreams or achieving them, contact us. We will be happy to help.

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