Ebru Mutlu's Blog

April 17, 2025

A Voice of A Generation

There is this scene of the television show Girls, where the main character tells her parents that she might be the voice of her generation or a voice… of a generation.

I would like to know what the obsession is with voicing a generation. Here I am, almost 40 (less than a month!) and feeling that my life wasn’t yet fully lived, simply because I haven’t written that great novel, is exhausting. I’m 40. Even if I write a great novel, I’ll never be the young voice of a generation. I won’t be a young talent. I feel the heaviness of my age. I’m seeing young authors like RF Kuang, and I think, “This author actually did it. They did what I was too chicken to do. They already lived a full life.” What is it about my life that makes me think that I have not lived enough still? I had experiences, I laughed, cried, I laugh-cried, I walked on snow. But there are so many things I still haven’t done. I haven’t been abroad. How embarrassing is that? I’m 40 and I’ve never left my country rarely left my city. Never lived alone. By the age of 40, I was sure that I’d have the single woman living her best life alone in the city (any city, to be honest), but I haven’t done that either. I still live with my parents. I am in this stagnated phase. I’m old, yes, but I’m still like a child when it comes to taking care of myself. When it comes to living on my own, I’m no better than a privileged 12-year-old kid. LIFE. When will my life start? When will I stop being afraid of my own body, my own limitations and start living an authentic life where I can be on my own comfortably?

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Published on April 17, 2025 09:24

February 16, 2025

The Power of Music, TV and Supernatural

The song Night Moves is such a core memory for me. I didn’t live anything noteworthy while the Night Moves was playing. But it’s a core memory nonetheless. Because it was played in a key scene on Supernatural. It’s the song that Dean plays to tease Sam after a possible (If I’m not misremembering right now) one-night stand. Sam and Dean sing along to the song. Finally, we see Sam and Dean living in the Impala and what it’s like living in the Impala for them.

And the song becomes a core memory for me. Whenever the song starts playing on Spotify shuffle, I remember Sam and Dean being in the Impala and living their life on the road, being brothers. I don’t remember what I was doing when I first watched that episode. But I remember sharing that scene as a story when it showed up on my feed on Instagram. I felt like I watched the scene where Night Moves played all over again. Is it the power of Supernatural? Or the power of soundtracks? I think it’s the power of soundtracks. Because whenever Fix You by Coldplay plays, I don’t remember my undergrad years when I listened to Coldplay. Instead, I remember The Newsroom episode. I feel moved,and inspired and the scenes start playing in my mind when the song shows on the shuffle.

I mostly listen to songs that can be seen as soundtrack songs. Because well, here’s the thing, TV shows shaped my life. I’ve watched too many tv shows. When I watch them, I feel like I lived through them. I get lost in their worlds that much. When All Will Be Well starts playing, I find myself in the backseat of April and Andy’s car.

I look at Rae’s room when So It Goes is belted through the speakers.

Television shows, people. I’m a big fan of them for a reason. They’ve given me a life well lived when I only spent time in my room. Cue In My Little Corner of the World by Yo La Tengo, Gilmore Girls. It sounds sad sometimes. There goes Ebru. Living as a spectator of television shows, but also as a spectator of her own life. Not a bad life necessarily. I feel happy. Although I must admit, I should live on my own cinematic moments like that one Turkish song that started playing on a road trip with friends. Yes, that’s better. I love my TV shows core memory moments. But I should also live my own soundtrack-worthy cinematic moments as well.

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Published on February 16, 2025 09:11

January 31, 2025

Assassin’s Blade by Sarah J. Maas

Assassin’s Blade can be read as a prequel to Throne of Glass books. However, it should be read again after Tower of Dawn in my opinion. By the time you read Tower of Dawn (the sixth book in the series), you will forget most things about Assassin’s Blade so it is nice to freshen up before ending the series with Kingdom of Ash. You get to see how all those little stories and secondary characters are important in Throne of Glass verse and every detail has a meaning for Sarah J. Maas.
When I first read Throne of Glass books, I rolled my eyes every two pages because Celaeana Sardothien looks like a pick-me girl, an every-white female character who is too cool for anything. But there is a shift in Heir of Fire and you notice why Celaeana is the way she is. Yes, “slowly but not meekly” is a thing and yes, Celaena can be THAT white girl protagonist. However, when you deep dive into the universe, you start to enjoy the worldbuilding and how small big things like hope can shift worlds. This is one of the reasons I’m doing a reread of all of the books. And let me tell you, I SEE some things because I have already read them, and I can enjoy the ingenuity of Sarah J. Maas’s writing.

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Published on January 31, 2025 06:23

First Post and Some Writing Thoughts

There are no absolutes. Absolute shitty job least of all. Right now, the music is playing. It’s one of my faves and I like this moment. The thing is, I don’t know if these moments alone are enough to love a job. I want to love my job. I don’t want to tolerate my job. I don’t know why I’m so insistent on making a job my whole personality. But that’s what I’ve been doing for years. It’s why I have been feeling sad for a while now. I don’t love my job. But considering, I do a job for 9 hours five days a week, isn’t the desire to love my job normal? At least, now I know what kind of job I want: writing. My best friend would tell me an idiot because hello, it’s obvious that I should write. It’s obvious to everyone but me. But now, it’s obvious to me as well. Not because I’m good at it. But because I love doing it. I love suffering for it. I want to earn a living by writing.

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Published on January 31, 2025 01:32

September 6, 2023

Daily writing prompt – Describe your ideal week.

“Describe your ideal week.” Week? Week? Not weekend but week? This daily writing prompt is confusing. There’s bound to be some non-ideal stuff to happen during the week. What are we hoping for here? Maybe it’s my week off from work and I’m here to relax a little, right? In that case, I’d be waking up at 10 every day (at least 10, could be later) to get an even later breakfast. I’d have my weekend Turkish coffee session with my mom during that week then watch a bunch of television shows, certainly films, and read some books that are easy to distract me from summer’s lingering heat and nap a lot.

I’d be hopping on a plane and going somewhere. Somewhere where the heat is not out to torture me (this summer was pretty brutal if you haven’t guessed already.) but it’s still summer-ish and you can take a deep in the water. Then I’d walk around wherever I was (or maybe ride a bike? I love riding a bike!) and visit restaurants, museums, and maybe art exhibitions. It’d be like university and summer rolled into one. I loved my years when I was in university. That’s why I had a master’s degree too! Not exactly for that reason but it was nice is what I’m saying. If my job was learning and preparing coursework, I’d be happy forever. Maybe academia would be perfect for me but I’m not sure.

I’ve known my best friend since high school. After high school, I stayed in Istanbul and she went to another city. And that started our long-distance friendship. LOL She even went to the US for two years and let me tell you, that was the hardest! The time difference made it harder for us to speak. She went to another school, then another school then visited another school in another country, and then went to another school for work. She’s the smartest person I know but she’s too smart for me to catch up, people. So my ideal week would include my best friend. Her kid too if I’m being honest. I love that kid to bits and it’s so weird. I don’t think I’ll have a child of my own but my best friend’s kid feels like they could be my own kid.

Oh no, that’s not the same as having your kid!

I know that! But also, hear me out. My other friends had kids. My very close friends. But my best friend’s kid is different. They have this thing, I don’t know what but I worry about them all the freaking time! I randomly think of the kid and get worried about them. They’re not “my kid” but they’re pretty fuckin’ close.

Conclusion

My ideal week would be swimming, some book shopping, museum visiting, and exhibition attending but most of all, that week would be spent with my friends. Any week that I get to meet my friends or speak to my friends are good ones. We don’t have to party, we don’t have to organize the shit out of productive stuff but being with them and even complaining about life is a good time spent in my opinion.

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Published on September 06, 2023 04:12

September 5, 2023

Daily writing prompt – What does your ideal home look like?

“What does your ideal home look like?” is the daily prompt that I saw when I opened my WordPress account for the longest time ever. And this is such a loaded question, honestly. Because there are so many options.

Close to water?

My ideal home would have to be close to the sea, the ocean, a very big lake, you get it. It has to be close to a big source of water. Growing up in Istanbul close to the Bosphorus, I was always close to a big source of water all the time. For example, I went to Cappadocia last year. It was insane, nature at its finest. I saw the fairy chimneys and visited the museums and the topography was insane in general. However, so dry. Soooo dry. I felt like my skin was cracking up and my lips were actually chapped after three days. I didn’t realize how much of a problem it was until we came to Istanbul. Because I realized that I wasn’t breathing properly until we came back to Istanbul. Dry climates aren’t my friend. LOL

Maybe beach life?

On the one hand, I’d be so happy with the beach life. I’d wake up every day to the sea, take a deep in the water then go on with my day. On the other hand, beach life usually includes heat. And heat is also not my friend. I love sunny days, don’t get me wrong but I also can’t deal with heat. April before the pollen season starts is my favourite time of the year in fact. So the house would have to be in a place where a warmer climate is not out to get me. Considering global warming has been changing seasons and average degrees, I still don’t know.

City life!

My ideal home would be where I’m close to the sea yet not far away from city life and I can walk to most places and public transportation for longer distances should be reliable because I’m not a big fan of driving. Now that the location is somewhat known, let me get into the actual building.

Interiors matter a lot!

The ideal home would be two storeys at most and there would be so much place for my books. I could have a separate library but books would also be in every room maybe except the bathroom because humidity is not their friend. The house wouldn’t have to be so big because I’m a single woman. And in this scenario, my best friend already lives close to me, so I wouldn’t need too many rooms. BUT if a friend wanted to crash, they could have their own space so maybe two extra rooms for friends. The kitchen would be somewhat big. And that’s because my family home’s kitchen is small and I always wanted to have a home with a big kitchen. The living room would have to be comfortable. Maybe a screen for film and TV shows watching but I’m not sure if I wanted an actual TV. There would be shelves everywhere for my books.

Not a big fan of colours. But really, I am.

I’m always a simp for whites and pastel colours when it comes to pinning stuff on Pinterest but in reality, my home would have a lot of colours and let’s be real, it’d be a little chaotic. The colours would be blue, purple, pink and their various shades. The walls would have to be white though. Not eggshell, off-white, pink-white or whatever. Just white. That way, I could decorate any way I wanted without thinking of the walls. Cleaning them would be a killer but it’d be worth it.

A nice garden. Maybe not.

I’m not sure if I wanted a garden. In theory, sure, a big garden to have nice summer nights with my friends. Maybe secluded enough. So the neighbours wouldn’t complain about the noise if we were to sing a little because we could and we certainly would laugh a lot. Like, look at this Unsplash photo taken by the user, Shaun Montero. It’s the perfect place in terms of having a garden.

Then again, most of the time I feel like city life is where it’s at. Living in Istanbul can be weird. The neighbourhood I live in is very much suburbia of one of the wealthy neighbourhoods in Istanbul. However, it’s a subway ride away from the noise of the city and I love it. Like, places like Beşiktaş and Bebek are so lively and I love that city chaos in itself. If I were living in the city, I’m not sure if I wanted a whole ass house. A flat would be okay. Like, a flat of a four or five-storey building? Perfect. The interior would be roughly the same. Books everywhere. A lovely kitchen. If there’s an extra room for a library, it could also be a study room. I’d write, listen to music and read books. Then again, I can read books and listen to music anywhere.

Conclusion to this very confusing “dream home post”

I’m not sure if this post was descriptive enough to explain what my ideal home would look like. If my home was close to my loved ones, I feel like it’d be perfect regardless.

As long as it wasn’t a highrise.

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Published on September 05, 2023 01:51

July 25, 2023

Travel The World? Daily Writing Prompt!

Daily writing prompts?

Apparently, this is a thing with WordPress. Or it has been for quite a while. I wouldn’t know. I’m a bad blogger. Let’s talk about traveling the world!

What ARE my future travel plans?

Honestly, I just want to visit my best friend who lives in the Black Sea region of Turkey. Especially during summer, that city seems like they have better weather. Istanbul has been roasting for the last two weeks and I’m fed up with it already. The weather is flexing like a dudebro named Chad and it should just learn how to be cool like an Alex.

On a more coherent note, I guess I would like to travel around Turkey first. Especially The Aegean Sea region. I see the Aegean coasts and they look like a dream. Yet, I visited so few places in that region. The ones I visited were also beautiful but nothing close to the ones I saw on the Internet. For example, what IS this?

unsplash photo of cesme beach

And also, this photo of Cesme Beach is like one of the underwhelming photos of the Aegean coast, meaning it still doesn’t do enough justice to show how beautiful it truly is.

First the city, then the rest of the world?

All in all, I would like to travel around Turkey first. But after that, the whole world maybe? Not joking. I always wanted to travel the world. I always wanted to live in a different country. Do you know how adults ask kids what the kids would want to be when they grow up? According to my mother, I always answered: “To travel the world.”. To be fair, is not exactly a job unless you make it your job. Basically, I told the adults around me what I wanted to do. Instead of what I wanted to be when I grew up. Well… right now, I’m 38. Besides I traveled to a handful of cities in Turkey. I never went abroad either. I think the kid!me would be very sad for me. LOL

However, I do want to make that kid proud so I’m planning to first discover Istanbul and then the rest of Turkey starting this year. Maybe I can come back to this post a year from now and see what my goals were and let’s be real, I’ve been like “Achievable goals.” in this post. No pressure on my future self. After all, the kid!me wouldn’t be too hard on me either. She’d just be very sad for me, however. And THAT makes me feel more motivated about traveling.

In conclusion, this prompt did make me write! Maybe they can work for me and I can finally write here.

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Published on July 25, 2023 04:35

April 17, 2023

Alex Stern? Alex Stern.

I’ve dived into Alex Stern + Yale verse for the last months and I’ve been consumed by it. Okay some context.

Ninth House and Hell Bent are books written by Leigh Bardugo. You know, Leigh Bardugo? Who consumed us with Grishaverse? Shadow and Bone, Six of Crows? King of Scars? If you don’t any of these books, you should look into them. Especially if you’re a fantasy reader.

Ninth House was the first book of Alex Stern series. Ninth House is the first book adult fantasy book that Leigh Bardugo wrote. When I learned that there will be two books of Alex Stern universe, I waited for the second book (Hell Bent) to be released to read both books at the same time. But here’s the thing, there’s going to be another book. So, I’m an idiot. LMAO

But I can’t complain. With her first adult fantasy book, Leigh Bardugo truly goes for it. Hard. As for her style, there are some setbacks in the first book, but Bardugo showed us many moons ago with Grisha trilogy and Six of Crows duology that she’s open to improve herself all the time and Hell Bent is no exception.

I wanted to finish Hell Bent to write a post about it but certain parts of Hell Bent made that impossible. Because holy smokes, people. The use of uncanny, not just using the word correctly, but leaking that uncanny feeling onto the pages of Hell Bent. Sigmund Freud would be pleased, no joke. I’m guessing Jalal Toufic would be as well.

-SPOILERS-

There’s literally a vampire in Hell Bent and I have no idea what will happen but he’s there and he is also a demon and the uncanny feeling of everything is perfect. Like, at one point, Leigh Bardugo even tells how people would prefer to look but not see the uncanny thing because their minds wouldn’t register that as fact. And hello “Jacob’s Ladder”, hello “The Shining”, hello “Sigmund Freud”, hello “vampires” and certainly hello “Jalal Toufic”.

-SPOILERS-

I want to write more in detail and I want to keep this page alive because I need an outlet to rave about books, films and television shows. Also, I want to use this place to write stories but who knows? Maybe I become a Wattpad person but I’m pretty sure I’m too old for that… stuff. I don’t want to curse and become a pottymouth tbh. I curse enough in real life.

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Published on April 17, 2023 03:19

January 9, 2023

How was your first week? And this week’s plans

Harry won’t be a spare, thank you very much

Well well well, we already finished the first week of the New Year and a lot happened in the world. First of all, Prince Harry’s book, Spare? Harry, no. What are you doing? I understand his resolution to not be a spare and express his reality. But some of that stuff should be between you and your wife. Like, the laughing gas which was reserved for Meghan during their first kid’s birth? What are you doing? Also, please don’t shit on Ikea. Some of us like Ikea. They’re basic and cute yet they’re sturdy as well. I’m sure you felt Ikea was more like Orsk at Horrorstör, but it’s really not. You just felt like it was.

The first book of the year: Dash and Lily’s Book of Dares

In other news, I finished my first book of the year which was Dash and Lily’s Book of Dares. You can read my review on Goodreads. Or not, it’s up to you. Christmas books are not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s fine.

My second read will be Severance by Ling Ma, maybe?

I don’t know yet! I read maybe fifty pages but I also want to read Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo. Here’s my dilemma: I read Rule of Wolves now, and by the time I finish it Hell Bent will be delivered and I haven’t read Ninth House yet. However, I really liked Severance so far. It matches my calm vibe or whatever. Oh, I almost forgot about the laughing gas. Also, I have Severance in Turkish, so I do plan on reading more books in Turkish this year. My Turkish writing is suffering, people!

Epidural because your husband spent the laughing gas!

According to his book, Prince Harry spent the laughing gas which was reserved for Meghan. As I mentioned above. Apparently, he finished the laughing gas and Meghan had to get an epidural to deal with the pain and here’s how Prince Harry remembers the whole thing:

“The anaesthetist hurried in. Off went the music, on went the lights. Whoa. Vibe change.” Whoa? Vibe change? You basically almost gave your wife a vibe check. I swear to to God, Meghan. I hope he’s really awesome and this tidbits of his book doesn’t really reflect him. Because, Harry no. Don’t.

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Published on January 09, 2023 01:55

January 2, 2023

Reading goals on Goodreads

Have you put your reading goals on Goodreads already? You know it, Goodreads Reading Challenge. Everyone knows it! And I absolutely did! Since the pandemic, my reading habits became a mess and I read less and less. It didn’t help that I was super ambitious in the beginning.

In 2022, my reading gained speed during the summer. I was reading regularly, at least an hour every day. Then I learned I was going to let go of my job. I had to find a new job because I got a loan from a bank two months before and there was no way for me to pay the debt if I wasn’t working. Even the compensation wouldn’t cover my debt. Job hunt ruined my delicate routine if I might say so. But I digress.

Now I’m at a new job. It’s been nearly three months and it’s going rather well. My debt is still huge and I’m basically working to pay the debt but it beats not working tbh. LOL I also have a new routine!

My biggest problem with the pandemic was not going to an office every day. You see, I read on my way to the office. So, there go almost one and a half hours of reading from my reading. That only left me with reading before going to bed. But that was like half an hour or something. Now I go to the office every day again. So one and a half hours is back to my reading time again. But also, I cut my computer time way back. My job requires me to work for nine hours in front of a huge screen and let’s be real. After nine hours of looking at a huge screen, the last thing you need when you finally go home is another two or three hours of looking at a slightly smaller screen for television shows and/or films. I keep the content watching to a minimum and instead, I just read.

I’m a wannabe writer and if you want to be a writer, yes: You should write first but you also should read a lot. And for 2023, I have two main goals:

Read more.Write your shitty story ideas. Even if they’re extra shitty.

My reading goal for Goodreads is 52 this year. A book once a week. I’m not going to put a goal like 100 books because that’s a lot of books for someone who is still trying to find her groove in reading. And I also know the number like 100 would overwhelm. If I surpass the goal, great. If not, 52 is a good goal.

What about you? Do you have reading goals? If so, how many books do you plan to read for 2023? Are you keeping your expectations low like me or are you being ambitious? Drop me a line and even link me to your Goodreads page. We can follow each other and even cheer each other up!

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Published on January 02, 2023 07:40

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