Wilson Belshaw's Blog, page 4

Slurdoch the Sorcerer

Name: Slurdoch

Species: Sorcerer

Age: ∞

Job: Media mogul / immortal propagandist / scumlord

Appears In: Game of Plagues, The Cancel Creature

Slurdoch the sorcerer - see more at Instagram

Slurdoch numbers among the most dangerous of sorcerers. While all of them possess the morals of a sewer rat and a limitless capacity for magick, this guy has something even more terrifying - namely a tabloid media empire. Through its deployment he's able to bend reality even more efficiently than with sorcerery.

The sorcerer's 'journalistic' endeavours include.

The Scuzz: A publication so scummy it makes regular tabloids look like whatever the next most respectable type of paper is (editor's note: it's 'toilet paper').The Prestige: Another Pundlian publication. This paper was formerly known for publishing somewhat decent journalism that challenged those in charge (while tacitly ignoring the power structures that put them there in the first place). Slurdoch realised he could buy this paper and use it as a Trojan Donkey for his harrowing agenda. This means the paper's raison d'être is functionality identical to The Scuzz's; it's simply presented with far fewer naked, young women.Rat News: A 'news' channel in the United States of Blargh. Essentially what you'd expect - i.e. a series of angry men being loudly wrong for gold.The Walloonian Journal: A newspaper with two key purposes. The first is celebrating the ongoing victory of the capital classes against the modern peasantry. The second is explaining all the ingenious new ways said class can squeeze a little bit more life from their impoverished victims.

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Creation Notes

It's probably pretty obvious who this guy is based on. If not, you may have the good fortune of living outside his toxic sphere of influence. In the UK he's essentially the king - and not in the cool, "you're the king, man," kind of way. More in the sense that we haven't had a prime minister in decades who didn't have his express backing - and also that the political agenda is eternally influenced by his oily inclinations - as indeed is the news cycle of our national broadcaster.

That's right - Slurdoch the sorcerer is based on that most virulent of journalistic villains - David Attenborough.*

Ha ha - but no - it's the other guy.

* This joke would have worked better if I could think of someone high up in the world of journalism who's widely viewed as benevolent (or at least not broadly monstrous), but there isn't anyone like that. The best I could think of was a wildlife documentarian. So the joke doesn't work, but in its failure it is at least demonstrative of the broader problem - which is something, I guess? Probably I should have just tried again, but... yeah...

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon

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CharactersGame of PlaguesSorcerers

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Devils

The sub-plane known as the Nezherealm is comprised of an endless procession of hells. In many you'll find the horrors known as devils. These worker-fiends have an innate talent for extracting mana from their victims using the most exquisite forms of torture. They enjoy it so much that if they didn't make a living from it they'd do it on a voluntary basis.

[image error] Devil by Zuza Gruzlewska

Masochists often say that devils are to nipple torture what classical painters are to high art. They don't say this out loud, however. If a devil finds out a person enjoys being agonised in the most inventive ways imaginable, they'll simply switch to something less creative. 

The devils of the Nezherealm work for Uvoomu - an all-powerful unofiend who refers to himself as The Devil. Once upon a time, Uvoomu acquired mortals to torture by striking deals with people who lacked familiarity with the implications of the phrase 'deal with the devil'. In the information era - when people are marginally more clued up - he's struck several lucrative contracts with governments.

One contract sees devils torturing benefits claimants on behalf of the Pundlian government. Officially this is to ensure that the immiserated aren't lying about the ailments they claim to have. Unofficially, torturing the unfortunate makes it easier to force everyone else in to poorly-paid hell-jobs. It turns out people will literally work for peanuts when they know the safety net is made of razor wire. 

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link!

Devil Facts

Devils come in a range of shapes, sizes, colours, fragrances, and flavours.A group of devils are collectively known as a 'torment'.Devils actually have notably refined accents. Given their notable poshness (and love of agonising the poor), many have wondered if the aristocracy also have a little fiend in them.

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can also buy it in paperback at Amazon

Creation Notes

Anyone familiar with the UK benefits system will recognise the description of the devils. Over the past decade, the government and the hell-companies it outsources to have gone out of their way to make life as difficult as possible for disabled people (presumably why attempted suicide rates doubled).

Now obviously I don't want to compare the Department of Work and Pensions and its employees to literal devils. That would be ridiculous. Mainly because an actual devil would have an excuse - being an entity comprised of pure malevolence. I don't know what excuse actual people have to drive disabled people to suicide. Presumably they're just c***s?

Fascist, soulless c***s.

But anyway, I based the design on this older style of devil from the 1500s

This particular image was actually anti-Catholic propaganda. You don't really see much anti-Catholic propaganda these days - possibly because the church has made it look itself look worse than anyone else could

I like these old school devils because they have feathers - something which you don't really associate with the forces of darkness anymore!

My design of a devil - specifically the one known as Wemon (complete with pitchspork)

See Also

FiendsGame of Plagues

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Game of Plagues

Game of Plagues is an upcoming book set in the Tumultiverse. It's a fantasy tale of zombies, politics, and politicians getting eaten by zombies. I'm looking to publish some time in late October or early November - ideally on Halloween - the most zombie-friendy day of the year.

The ZINTER-19 zombie virus

Blurb from Game of Plagues

ZINTER is coming. Specifically ZINTER-19 - the latest strain of the dreaded zombie contagion.

The coming plague presents considerable problems for the people of Pundlia. Following decades of mismanagement, corruption, and horror, the universal healers service finds itself ill prepared for an outbreak of the sniffles - let alone the most virulent zombie outbreak in a century. Even worse, the scoundrels who made this mess are still very much in charge.

Officially, the spineless jellyfish-man Boronymous Jubbly runs Grand Pundlia. Unofficially, his warlock Düm Leavings spearheads the thrust of governance - although only if what he has planned lines up with wealthy backers like the tabloid king Slurdoch the sorcerer.

Finding themselves trapped in this distended dystopia are people like the embattled junior healer Iris Stubfinger; the embittered gig-economy peon Ayesha Bashir, and the embroiled government sorcologists Drs Mr and Mrs Downer.

Will the country manage to come together and save themselves from being zombied to death by the tyranny of corruption? In real life, probably not. As this is a fantasy, though, who knows? I mean, me, obviously, but I'm not going to give away the ending in the blurb. Not again!

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Free Book!

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Glumwaiters

The faer known as glumwaiters have proven popular with the rich for a couple of reasons. Firstly, these adaptable entities make excellent butlers - each one a flexible go-getter capable of carrying out any task that comes to mind. Secondly, the powerful enjoy bossing around anything that looks sad.

Glumwaiter by Zuza Gruzlewska
There's a reason why only the rich have access to these useful faer - namely the cost. Glumwaiters charge a lot as they have a high level of proficiency in every field imaginable - meaning you could reasonably ask one to:

Prepare you a seven course meal.Massage the knots from your lower back.Critique your manuscript.Solve 80% of riddles, 64% of conundrums, and 98% of quandaries. Psychoanalyse your poodle.Manscape you to within an inch of your waistband.
More often than not, though, their rich employers will have them do trivial things like hold ashtrays or collect golfballs. That's because they don't hire these faer for the wonderful things they can do - they hire them so other people can see they can afford to.

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon

Creation Notes

The genus of the glumwaiters was fairly simple - it's basically just a corruption of 'dumbwaiter' - those little service elevators you get in fancy manors. They also had one in the Home Alone house, although that building was essentially a suburban castle, so of course it did.

Going off the name, it made sense to make them somewhat morose in appearance, so I designed them as froggy, little fish boys. I think there's something else with fishy butlers in, but I can't remember what. I feel like it was either some cartoon from the 60's or an episode of Sponge Bob Square Pants. Whatever it was, that's where I stole the idea from, anyway!

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The Fame Eaters

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Fumewyrms

Fumewyrms hail from the dark Plane of Finitum - a place that's 'dark' quite literally. Like many other denizens of the plane, each entity is composed of a black, gaseous substance known as 'fume'. While fumewyrms may look like smoke from a distance, up close you'll find them to be cold, probing, and dreadful - so basically like a GP except worse. 

Fumewyrm by Zuza Gruzlewska

Thankfully for all concerned, you don't generally find fumewyrms in the Physical Plane. The exception is when the villainous Darkun the Dark One visits for his bi-centennial attempt at planal domination. When this happens, the fumewyrms charge forth as the vanguard of the attack - smashing all foes in their path. Darkun will follow behind, shouting things like:

"Ah ha! I have got you physical flesh bags where I want you now - unlike the last several times I tried this!"

When a fumewyrm hits a person, its form will burst, which isn't to say they can't do damage. Being hit by one hurts like a collision with a regular-sized horse (or a horse-sized beaver). The difference is that, unlike a comically large beaver, the fumewyrm will take no damage from the attack - simply reforming moments later.

If you want to damage a fumewyrm, you need to do so with an intense blast of light. The best option in this regard is enlisting the help of the Lightspreader. That or some sort of ridiculously overpowered keyring torch.

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon

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The Quest Factor

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Behearers

The fiends known as behearers look like floating meatballs covered in ear stalks. Having so many ears gives them an unmatched field of hearing. It's not clear why they'd need this as they have no real predators, but it does stop people talking about them behind their backs.

Behearer by Zuza Gruzlewska

Behearers belong to a group of fiends known as 'bethingers'. These infernal entities look like hovering heads that have some unique organ or appendage sticking out of them. Given the range of body parts available, behearers are actually on the less obscene end of the spectrum.

People generally encounter bethingers not as foes but guides. A wily adventurer who learns a bethinger's true name can curse them to remain in one place. More often than not this will involve instructing the fiend to guard some treasure or structure. Many of the best dungeons have bethinger managers as a result (as do many of the unsavoury ones).

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon.

Types of Bethingers

As mentioned, other varieties of bethingers are available. The following is a list of them.

BESNORTERS: Very similar to behearers only with noses instead of ears. Their surplus of schnozes makes them adept at tracking people down - especially if their victim stinks.BETASTERS: From a distance these fiends look like they have thick and luxurious hair. Up close you realise what looked like hair is actually tongues. Get closer again and the fiend is licking you to death.BETOUCHERS: Very similar to betasters only with fingers instead of tongues - including inside their mouths.BEFOULERS: The most flatulent of such fiends, these guys have arses all over their domes. As you might imagine, they don't get invited to many parties, although mainly because they eat all the guests.BESEERS: These bethingers are covered in many eyeballs on stalks - at least they would be if they existed, anyway. As things stand, the existence of such a fiend is entirely theoretical.BE%$£$ERS: You couldn't describe these creatures in a polite bestiary such as this.

Creation Notes

The first bethinger in the Tumultiverse books was Gary in The Quest Factor. I thought it would be cool to have a classic dungeon monster managing Bommber's Folly, but when I checked online, I discovered that the beholders from Dungeons and Dragons are very much trademarked. At this point I thought:

"I can't just take a beholder and do something dumb like give it ears instead of eyes, can I? No - of course not. That would be stupid. What would I even call it - a 'belistener'? Ridiculous."

Five seconds later I came up with the name 'behearer' and the rest is history.

See Also

FiendsThe Quest Factor

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Morbods

Phagia is an icky plane of matter that sorcologists describe as the athlete's foot of Existence. As you might expect, this weird and gross place has some weird and gross denizens. One of the most common are the morbods.
Morbod by Zuza Gruzlewska

A common morbod looks like someone took the bottom half of a person; connected a giant arm to the waist; replaced the arm's hand with a mouth, and then called it a day. The uncommon morbods look even worse.
Phagia encroaches upon the other Planes of Existence - popping up like boils. When a Phage incursion occurs, it expands via the hard work of creeps like the morbods. These awful entities travel forth into the Physical Plane and gobble down any material available - be it rocks, gerbils, or sundials. They convert what they eat into phagoplasm. By regurgitating this terrible substance, the Phage incursion will expand for as long as it takes for some adventurer to turn up and slay down the law.

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon.

Morbod Facts
People have likened the call of a morbod to the sound of a giant frog coughing up a tambourine.The giant 'morbodons' look like their smaller brethren only with three additional arm-bodies sticking out of the main one. This makes them look like mutant teddy-grabbing machines.Like most phage creatures, morbods have the fresh and zesty smell of a fruit smoothie.
Creation Notes
The name 'morbod' has its genus in 'morbid' and 'odd' - so they're 'morbidly odd', basically. I thought 'morbid' meant specifically interested in death, but looking into it just now, it turns out several definitions actually make sense for how I've used the word! From dictionary.com:
suggesting an unhealthy mental state or attitude; unwholesomely gloomy, sensitive, extreme, etc.: a morbid interest in death.affected by, caused by, causing, or characteristic of disease.pertaining to diseased parts: morbid anatomy.gruesome; grisly.


See Also The Quest Factor


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Index

This following is an alphabetical list of all my bestiary entries (you probably got here from Instagram which doesn't allow me to link directly to posts!).
Aardzebras

Alley Manticores

Bahkauv

Bugbears

Cevph

Clurichauns and Leprechauns

Cragpies

Crockens

Damovoi and Domovoi

Excellent Barry

Flækes

Gob-Nommoth

Hill Glaciants

Hogbins

House Pwnthers

Imps

Jibberwoks

Montauks

Shockrats

Sky Pricks

Tattlesnusses

Tschagats

Welves

Wolperdingers

Imps

Imps are a popular type of familiar. These entities help non-wizards connect to an increasingly magickal world. People know imps for performing their job with pure, unbridled enthusiasm. The sort of enthusiasm that quickly proves IRRITATING.
Imp by Zuza Gruzlewska

Because of their friendly nature, imps prove popular with older people who don't want a familiar but think they need one. At first, an imp seems like the friendliest option available. This friendliness quickly grates.
Imp's are possessed by an indomitable enthusiasm for engagement. Anyone who owns one will find their familiar saying things like:
"Oh! Oh! Oh! I've got so many EXCITING new messages for you, and they're all SO EXCITING!"
Few of these messages will prove 'exciting'. Most will be excruciatingly dull. And if this enthusiasm isn't bad enough, if you refuse to buy into it, an imp will become glum:
"I'm sorry," they'll whimper dejectedly. "I didn't mean to bother you. I just have so many exhilarating messages, and they're all so impossibly thrilling."
Ironically, many find themselves beaten into depression by their faers' relentless pep.
Creation Notes
Familiars exist as an equivalent of mobile phones and their various apps. Imps specifically represent companies and strangers trying to bludgeon you into engagement with POSITIVITY.
I think generally in folklore and fantasy 'imps' tend to be more devilish, but I went in the opposite direction. Not sure why - probably just didn't Google 'imp' when I decided to use the name!
This was my original design:
See more at my Instagram account
See Also FamiliarsThe Quest Factor


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Flonsters

The floral equivalent of monsters are known as 'flonsters'. This makes them sound ridiculous, but laugh at flonsters at your peril. These horrors can appear anywhere that plants do. This makes gardening less of a leisure activity and more of a ceaseless war against evil (a bit like weeding but worse).

The dreaded lumpkin
The existence of flonsters has led to the existence of some truly terrifying gardening equipment. Anyone visiting their local garden centre will find:


War pruners.Murdering shears.Spring-loaded scythes.Battle mowersSwitch trowels.
This makes gardening somewhat less relaxing than in other spheres of existence.


You can download a free copy of The Quest Factor at Smashwords. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon.
List of Flonsters

Flonsters can appear anywhere you'd find plants, weeds, or funguses. This is far from ideal, as that's basically everywhere.

The following is a list of some famous examples.

Cragpies

These beastly bird-things look like regular trees from a distance. They look less like them when you get up close and they start murdering you.


You can read more about cragpies here.



Lumpkins

These monstrous gourds are what make regular pumpkins so scary. Lumpkins hibernate for 11 months, only coming out in the season of Gallow's Eve. They prey on victims by hiding among regular pumpkins and biting people's ankles.




Spinus Guy-Trap

The cactus-like spinus guy-traps have doors in their sides. The ignorant sometimes step inside, anticipating a magic portal to another world. These explorers will find themselves being digested in a dry horror-gullet before eventually being excreted through a distant sphincter.





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BestiaryMonsters





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