Wilson Belshaw's Blog, page 2

Teek Gobys

The fiersome teek gobys are known for having teeth and claws they can grow at will. This makes it difficult to avoid being skewered by one; it also makes it hard for the beasts to avoid being skewered by themselves - the most common form of death for these creatures being accidental brain-toothing.

Teek goby by Zuza Gruzlewska

In the city of Leaden the lesbian dungeon known as She-RARGH! has regular nights with teek gobys. They make interesting opponents as beyond brute force they can parry against sword fighters using a constant onslaught of teeth and fangs.

Despite their brutish strength, teek gobys in the wild will often deploy stealth to catch their prey. They deploy it by hiding and then skewering said prey when it gets close enough. This makes for a particularly grizzly death. It also sometimes ends in an awkward situation in which the prey is dangling just out of the teek goby's reach.

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Creature Facts

If it's unclear why teek gobys would evolve an ability to extend their teeth and claws at will, it's because monster evolutions don't follow logic. They basically just evolve something horrible, and if people find it unsettling it sticks.A group of teek gobys are collectively known as a 'mouth'.When their teeth extend, they make an unsettling, porcelain squeal.Other than that they just grunt.

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon

Creation Notes

The teek gobys get a brief mention in Game of Plagues when Ayesha and Iris visit a lesbian dungeon (that's 'dungeon' in the adventuring sense). My image of what the venue looked like reminded me of when I saw Kaki King at Night and Day in Manchester, and as King is also a lesbian, it seemed apt to name the monster there after one of her songs.

There's actually a video of the performance of Goby I saw in Manchester. This version is even better, and features a guy called Dan Brantigan on an instrument called an EVI, which is a synthesiser you play like a wind instrument. He was there when I saw her, just not on that version of the song it seems.

Teek is another one of her songs - one which released when I was working on the book. I added it to the name, and as 'teek' sounds a bit like a mispronunciation of 'teeth', I ended up drawing this thing:

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TOOTH!"

I should probably point out that I designed the monster going off what the name made me imagine. This tooth-extending gorilla-rat is in no way a reflection King herself!

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Game of PlaguesMagickal MonstersMonsters

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Feelers

For many years, people wondered how tabloid journos got their scoops. In the end, it turned they used 'feelers' - each faer a kiwi-sized snoop that can stick to a person and relay information back to its handler. This news proved something of a shock, if only because people couldn't work out why they hadn't guessed something so gross sooner.

Feeler by Zuza Gruzlwska
 

Following the revelation, the government outlawed the use of feelers. Using them was already illegal, of course, but in the political world you sometimes need an extra reminder (the key example being when politicians got caught spending their expenses on soapy massages, moat dredging, and soapy moat socials). 

Another benefit of regulating an industry is that breaking a regulation incurs a significantly lesser penalty than breaking a law. The latter is seen as a 'crime' whereas the former is more of a 'whoopsie'. This is why journalists carry on using feelers to this day. The other reason is that not doing so would entail journalism, and they didn't get into the tabloid game for that.

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Feeler Facts

Once a feeler attaches itself to a person they can shift their colour to blend in with their surroundings.As magickal beings, feelers can't be killed. They are one of the faer types that will feign being destroyed, however. This makes feeler placement crucial. More than one journo has put their feeler on a target only for said feeler to get sat on.

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon

Creation Notes

The feelers reference the phrase:

"Putting feelers out."

Beyond that they're a nod to stuff like the UK phone hacking scandal. If you're unfamiliar with that sordid affair, it's when tabloid journalists hacked into people's voicemails to extract information. The victims of the UK media included "murdered schoolgirl Milly Dowler, relatives of deceased British soldiers, and victims of the 7 July 2005 London bombings".

Because successive governments failed to sort this out, the tabloids quickly went back to calling anyone they disagreed with 'traitors' and 'terrorist sympathisers'. These same journos who - lest we forget - hacked the phones of:

THE FAMILIES OF DEAD VETERANS.THE VICTIMS OF TERROR.A SLAIN CHILD.

The UK - and by the 'UK' I largely mean ' England' - is an absolute garbage country.

A counter-argument to phone hacking, by the way, is that you'd sometimes want journalists to dig into stuff using means that push up against what's legal - say like when they exposed that America and Britain were using mass-surveillance against their own citizens.. What you don't want is a situation in which the media class is spying on ordinary people, and it's doing so to make people in power look better.

Contrary to some of the banter above, working out were to draw the line on that would be more of a regulatory thing than a legal one. So yeah - sorry if I did the satire wrong. 

On a lighter note, here's my original design for the feeler - a handsy monstrosity that appears on the outside how tabloid journos are on the inside.

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FaerGame of Plagues

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The Duke of Ghastlick

Names: Duke Durban Bobblewommy Vin Ghastlick

Species: Orc

Age: 49

Job: Grand old duke of orc / hunt-bastard / buffoon

Appears In:  Game of Plagues

"Pip, pip!" See more at Instagram.

The Duke of Ghastlick is one of the hereditary land barons that cling to Grand Pundlia like a determined barnacle. While the man has numerous business interests - including Ghastlick Realmport - he's most infamous for the Ghastlick Hunts - a meet-up on his own private acres.

Unlike the adventurers who travel to the wild-realms to kill certifiably evil monsters, 'hunts people' murder helpless animals. This makes a lot of people think they're scumbags, although to be fair, it would be right to think of them thusly even without the animal abuse.

Some have pointed out that when spoken quickly 'Ghastlick Hunts' sounds like a description of the hunts people themselves. The Duke is well aware of the problem, but he'd rather maintain the name recognition than change it. It's also the case that the rich and dreadful have grown accustomed to name calling. Thankfully for them, they have all their ill-gotten gains to make themselves feel better.

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Creation Notes

The Duke of Ghastlick isn't based on a particular noble - he's just my image of what these people are like. It's probably wrong to think they're all like this, of course, as I imagine some are much worse.

I spent a lot of time coming up with his surname as I have an idea for another book on hunting and I needed a word that would sound somewhat descriptive when combined with 'hunts'. The name also sounded pretty similar to 'Gatwick' which meant I could name the Leaden realmport after him. Gatwick itself isn't owned by a duke (as far as I know), but this guy seemed like the sort of wastrel who would own unjustifiable amounts of infrastructure. 

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon

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CharactersGame of Plagues

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Pitfiends

These horrors number among the most terrifying of the greaterfiends. What makes them particularly alarming is that pitfiends show up in polite reality, albeit way underground. Their attack strategy involves hibernating deep below the earth near precious minerals and waiting for unsuspecting miners. It's this that makes mining so dangerous (that and the poorly enforced labour laws, obviously).

Pitfiend by Zuza Gruzlewska

In the old days, miners used to take canaries down into the mines with them. Partially this served as an early warning sign for poisonous gases, but they also distracted fiends when released en masse. To get the maximum benefit, your average miner would have several cages strapped to his body at all times.

If you wonder why the miners specifically used canaries, it's because they hated them. This sounds ridiculous, but in the old days people had a lot less to do, and forging nonsensical beefs with birds whiled away the hours.

Owing to the fact that they show up in polite reality, pitfiends feature heavily in the public consciousness. They also serve as a great excuse not to garden - unlikely as it is that you'll unearth one while uprooting some weeds. 

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Pitfiend Facts

Your average pitfiend can travel a good mile a day underground. By using the right illusions, wizards can actually trick them into digging tunnels. If a pitfiend gets loose in a mine, the only way of getting rid of it is to banish it. The process of doing so is made difficult because a: pitfiends can permakill people, and b: mining companies would rather lose a few employees than spend money hiring a good fiend-fighter.

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can also buy it in paperback at Amazon.

Creation Notes

I referenced 'pitfiends' in a few books before I put one in Game of Plagues. I used the name specifically because it's a generic devil name, and when a character says something like:

"You've got all the grace of a pitfiend, you damp clown!"

It's clearer than using a unique name like a 'bastcruxer', because the reader might think:

"Wait - what's a 'bastcruxer'?"

'Bastcruxer' might not be the best example, actually, because I'd have a pretty clear image from that name (*scribbles it down in my notepad of beast names*).

When you google 'pit fiend', most of the images look exactly like how you'd imagine. I think most of these are from Dungeons and Dragons and Pathfinder:

When it came time to design the not-a-bastcruxer, I drew this:

"You work out, bro?" (see more at Instagram)

My image is closer to the description of them being underground digger-fiends, although Zuza's is a much better design overall, obviously!

As I'd mentioned pitfiends a few times already, using one when I needed a mega-fiend in Game of Plagues seemed like a good idea. It was that or come up with something original, and who has the time, right?

Doing things this way also means those older books now reference something substantial - kind of like fan service in reverse, I guess? Or maybe that's just regular fan service? If you're a fan, please let me know if you feel serviced, and we'll clear this all up.

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FiendsGame of Plagues

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Pitfiend

These horrors number among the most terrifying of the greaterfiends. What makes them particularly alarming is that pitfiends show up in polite reality, albeit way underground. Their attack strategy involves hibernating deep below the earth near precious minerals and waiting for unsuspecting miners. It's this that makes mining so dangerous (that and the poorly enforced labour laws, obviously).

Pitfiend by Zuza Gruzlewska

In the old days, miners used to take canaries down into the mines with them. Partially this served as an early warning sign for poisonous gases, but they also distracted fiends when released en masse. To get the maximum benefit, your average miner would have several cages strapped to his body at all times.

If you wonder why the miners specifically used canaries, it's because they hated them. This sounds ridiculous, but in the old days people had a lot less to do, and forging nonsensical beefs with birds whiled away the hours.

Owing to the fact that they show up in polite reality, pitfiends feature heavily in the public consciousness. They also serve as a great excuse not to garden - unlikely as it is that you'll unearth one while uprooting some weeds. 

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Pitfiend Facts

Your average pitfiend can travel a good mile a day underground. By using the right illusions, wizards can actually trick them into digging tunnels. If a pitfiend gets loose in a mine, the only way of getting rid of it is to banish it. The process of doing so is made difficult because a: pitfiends can permakill people, and b: mining companies would rather lose a few employees than spend money hiring a good fiend-fighter.

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can also buy it in paperback at Amazon.

Creation Notes

I referenced 'pitfiends' in a few books before I put one in Game of Plagues. I used the name specifically because it's a generic devil name, and when a character says something like:

"You've got all the grace of a pitfiend, you damp clown!"

It's clearer than using a unique name like a 'bastcruxer', because the reader might think:

"Wait - what's a 'bastcruxer'?"

'Bastcruxer' might not be the best example, actually, because I'd have a pretty clear image from that name (*scribbles it down in my notepad of beast names*).

When you google 'pit fiend', most of the images look exactly like how you'd imagine. I think most of these are from Dungeons and Dragons and Pathfinder:

When it came time to design the not-a-bastcruxer, I drew this:

"You work out, bro?" (see more at Instagram)

My image is closer to the description of them being underground digger-fiends, although Zuza's is a much better design overall, obviously!

As I'd mentioned pitfiends a few times already, using one when I needed a mega-fiend in Game of Plagues seemed like a good idea. It was that or come up with something original, and who has the time, right?

Doing things this way also means those older books now reference something substantial - kind of like fan service in reverse, I guess? Or maybe that's just regular fan service? If you're a fan, please let me know if you feel serviced, and we'll clear this all up.

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FiendsGame of Plagues

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Mæres

These foul familiars work for warlocks like the oily Düm Leavings. From a distance you could mistake one for a harmless flying ape, but up close the differences become clear. Their wings look notably fiendish, and their bodies are sticky and warped. They also have pure white eyes and lack skin around the mouth. 

So they're unpleasant, basically. As they're also adept at getting things done, warlock's have much use for them.

Mære by Zuza Gruzlewska

The majority of fiends are mana-hungry beasts that can't stop killing. Mæres number among the few that can take orders, although they do make worse familiars than faer - largely as they still need to enact unpleasantness on a regular basis (although that's only 'worse' if said unpleasantness doesn't benefit their employer's designs).

It's generally illegal to employ mæres (dealings with fiends being criminalised), but you can get an exemption. Some people incorrectly think rich people buy these. In reality, having money is exemption enough, as rich people reward one another for their 'successes'.

In the inner-realms, nothing screams success like paying a warped hell-monkey to literally scream the word "success".

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Maere Facts

Mæres elicit all sorts of shrieks and howls. They also make an unsettling knocking sound by clicking their skull to the side.A group of mæres are collectively known as a 'night'.These fiends are so sticky that you can stick items to them for when you need them later. 

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can also buy it in paperback at Amazon.

Creation Notes

Mæres are a real creature from mythology, although they spell it 'mares'. Just take a look at one of these lads:

Creepy, little rat
And now read this from Wikipedia:

" A Mare is a malicious entity in Germanic and Slavic folklore that rides on people's chests while they sleep, bringing on bad dreams (or "nightmares")."

So yes - they're the source of the word 'nightmare', meaning a 'mare' is literally the physical embodiment of a terror-dream! That's cool, right? Because what could be darker than a-

-oh no - hang on a minute - I've just remembered that 'mare' is also the word for an adult horse. Gods damnit, English! Why do you do this? How does every word have five hundred meanings, and yet still we have more words than 99% of other languages? And it doesn't help that the painting has a laughing horse in the background!

But anyway - this is what I had to wrestle with. I learned of this cool creature then realised I couldn't name them as such because of horse confusion. To get around that I used the Old English variant mære.

In terms of etymology, they think it originated from words that variously translated as the following:

'Doom'.'To harm'.'To rub away'.

Wait - was that last one 'to rub away'?

Huh.

So maybe mares were involved in more than just nightmares...

My original design of the mære. I traced around an ape face and some devil wings I found online. See more of my lazy drawings at Instagram! I also post stuff from Zuza.

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FiendsGame of Plagues

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Eleanor Hootcliffe

Names: Eleanor Birdie-May Hootcliffe

Species: Ool

Age: 45

Job: Political editor / government stenographer / context avoider

Appears In:  Game of Plagues

 

Eleanor Hootcliffe - possibly I should have given her more bird-like feet? See more design faux pas (faux pases?) at Instagram

Eleanor works as the political editor of the Pundlian Channeling Corporation (PCC). She rose to that position in the same way as every other editor, namely by:

Attending a prestigious university.Acquiring a deep understanding of Pundlian politics.Ensuring the viewing public never glimpsed anything below the surface of said understanding.
The key to being a good political editor (as far as they see it) is to simplify the world of politics for the non-politically literate. To them this means ignoring the important stuff that shapes people's lives and turning everything into a soap opera. This is why you'll never see a headline like this:

Chancellor loses temper when accused of implementing fiscal plan that will give his obscenely rich friends a handout while ensuring the egregious decimation of public services continues unimpeded

Yet you'll constantly see stories like this:
Politician does gaffe

Like all the best political editors, Eleanor is so good because she doesn't even realise what her job is. She thinks of herself as a lively journalist with her feathers on the nation's pulse. In reality she's the grotty bandage that stops people getting a look at the festering wound that is Pundlian politics.

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Creation Notes

Eleanor is based on decades of TV political editors. Get them all in a room and throw a dart and I can guarantee the one you hit will have many of her characteristics. I mean - I'm not advocating for anyone to throw darts at past and present political editors, but...

...wait.

Am I advocating that?

No...

No, of course not.

But anyway, the level of political 'insight' we're subjected to in England is atrocious, although I guess that's what happens when every prominent figure in politics and the media attended the same boarding schools; went to the same universities, and intercoursed the same pig's head.*

Like Sleezy Stubfinger, Hootcliffe went in a different direction than I anticipated, but one which caused me less problems. In retrospect I probably shouldn't have made her an owl - a species intrinsically linked with wisdom. It seemed apt because owls always look startled. As the character is supposed to exist as a satire of journalists who don't think about things below the surface level, though, I think we can all agree that this is a:

¡¡¡SYMBOLISM FAIL!!!

*If you're unsure what this means, I'm referring to the UK #PigGate scandal. By some weird coincidence I'm typing this on the fifth anniversary of when that all came out. So it's true what they say - time really does fly when reality is collapsing.   

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon

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Game of Plagues

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Slugdraegens

Slugdraegens number among the slimiest fiends in existence. They're so slimy they make tabloid journos look like... whatever the opposite of 'slimy' is. Dry and unsticky, I suppose? Is there one word that encompasses those two states? Because you can be dry and sticky, and I wouldn't call that the opposite of 'slimy'.

Hmm.

Anyway, this is what one looks like. 

Slugdraegen by Zuza Gruzlewska

Each one has the appearance of a regular yet massive slug with a body type set to dinosaur. If you'd expect them to have little in the way of velocity, expect again. Slugdraegens leak so much ooze that they can slide around like ice skaters. On top of that, when they pick up enough speed they can actually teleport.

Slugdraegens are greaterfiends, which means you're unlikely to encounter one in polite reality. They can certainly make a nuisance of themselves in the wild-realms, though. Disturbingly, if you get so much as a smidgeon of their slime on you a slugdraegen can track you from an entire continent away - something they take advantage of by slooping their sludge all over the place.

When one of these things has a lock on you, getting away can prove impossible. On top of their pace and teleportation skills, slugdraegens can speed-slime up vertical surfaces. They can also ensnare victims by gobbing slime at them.

So yeah - one to avoid, tbh.

Slugdraegens: ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆  - Too much slime (Quest Advisor)

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Slugdraegen Facts

Slugdraegens go: "THLUK-THLUK-THLUK!" People compare the sound to a golf ball slocking about in a cup full of goo.A group of slugdraegens are collectively known as a 'splatter'.The slime of a slugdraegen can be used in several potions - particularly ones designed to make things sticky/gross/fluorescent.Like true slugs, these fiends have a vulnerability to salt (and also being stood on by something much larger than them). 

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon

Creation Notes

The slugdraegens got their first mention in The Fame Eaters when Daveth Bowleggy likens Blauweiss Montauk to one. They only get a brief reference, which left me wondering what they look like. Having a subpar imagination, I had to draw one to find out, and this is what I came up with:

"THLUK-THLUK-THLUK!" See more at Instagram.

Slugdraegens have an actual speaking role in Game of Plagues. It's always fun referencing a thing in one book then using them later. I've not drawn others yet, but my intention is for 'draegens' to be a class of flightless creature with this basic body type. I started trying to draw an ape version, but...

...well...

...it didn't really work out, so I turned it into a 'longrilla'. I'm not sure if this will be one of the creatures that get referenced and then show up later, tbh.*

Should probably make that a loooooooongrilla


*Looking at it again, I might finish this because it's pretty funny. I also might change the name to 'sausage ape'.

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Sleezy Stubfinger

Names: Slezrick (Sleezy) Stubfinger

Species: Dwarf

Age: 57

Job: Tabloid editor / mud slinger / friend to all slugs

Appears In: The Fame Eaters,  Game of Plagues

 

Sleezy the Dwarf - see more at Instagram

Sleezy is one of the vilest people to ever edit The Scuzz newspaper. This is really saying something, as the tabloid has produced more villainous editors than pigeons have had grot meals.

The dwarf likes celebrate vanquishing his enemies by buying an expensive bottle of spirits - that way he can pull it out and savour the memory every so often. Over the years, Sleezy has used his position within the tabloid media to DESTROY the reputations of:

A woman who objected to a carriageway being built through her house.A headmaster who exposed a privatised catering company for supplying his school with gruel that contained ground up (and not-so ground up) monster horns.A war veteran who dared suggesting that doing more wars would only benefit the companies that rented out the battlefields. 

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Creation Notes

While avoiding spoilers, I can say that Sleezy ended up in a different place than what I envisioned for him when I started the book. It made sense for where the novel went, though, and I did what I could to ensure his story didn't come at the expense of the broader narrative. Hopefully I managed that, but please feel free to drag me if not!

Sleezy actually appeared first in The Fame Eaters. He'd yet to become an editor at that point, and had travelled to Madfettle to interview the reprehensible figurehead of the ManBoys, Mucal Slycep.

Although he only featured in one chapter, he proved fun to write. Sleezy has a stunted way of speaking that has a rhythm to it that gets stuck in my head. Too bad he's otherwise such a disgusting excuse for a dwarven being! I guess that's one of the weird things about writing - you end up enjoying characters that you'd find loathsome in real life.

That and the fact you spend all day drunk and in cowboy clothes.

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon.

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Game of PlaguesThe Fame Eaters

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Surfsnusses

These animals belong to the 'snuss' family - a group of motley snake cats found all over the multiverse. Surfsnusses number among the friendliest of these creatures. As they also number among the shrewdest, some have turned their good grace into a steady career.

Surfsnuss by Zuza Gruzlewska

Surfsnusses of one type or another exist across the realms, but people most commonly encounter them at holiday resorts. Each one has the breadth of a horse and the liveliness of an eel. Combined with their ability to race across the waves, surfsnusses make excellent pleasure steeds - each one capable of whipping a party across the shallow waters.

The cat-serpents don't perform this task for free, of course. Each one requires three solid meals a day in return for their exertions. Resorts also have to employ a full-time scritcher to spend the day petting and grooming them.

You can buy Game of Plagues in eBook or paperback by clicking this link

Surfsnuss Facts

Surfsnusses go: "Mwobwobwobwobwobwo" (they're mouths are generally underwater, so their miaowing sounds gargled).A group of surfsnusses are collectively known as a 'slalom'.They don't just look like coral reefs - they also have lifeforms living in their floral growths. This is healthy for them, but if you find lifeforms in your floral growths, you should probably see a doctor. That or a gardener, obviously.

You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon

Creation Notes

I like the snusses very much, and the surfsnusses were a fun addition to the family. They're supposed to exist as a living version of these 'banana boat' rides:

It's all fun and games except for that one guy
Where I grew up you used to hear people saying "he looks like he came over on a banana boat" as a more-racist way of saying "I assume that person I don't know is here illegally". At the time, the only banana boats I knew of were these, and I couldn't grasp why anyone would enter the country this way, because... I mean... how would this be more accessible than a regular boat?

I know now they meant boats that imported bananas.

Looking into it, I can see people arguing it's not racist, and saying "you think I come off a banana boat?" is a colourful way of saying "you think I'm stupid?" (one person in a Big Brother forum is arguing it can't be racist because all banana workers are stupid regardless of race - a bold accusation from someone who spends their free time discussing Big Brother). I've definitely heard people using it how I said it, though, and know it was being used in a racist way because the people in question were very, very racist.

But anyway, I tried to make the surfsnuss look like a living coral reef, which seemed like a cool way to go.

My original - see more at Instagram

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AnimalsGame of Plagues

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