Sue Parisher's Blog, page 3

Graduation: Milestone During our Journeys

In 2014, seven years after leaving my abuser, I still believed my abuser’s lie that I was a terrible mom. This lie was so ingrained in my thought process that it influenced almost everything that I did and made me feel extremely guilty for the things that I didn’t do. My sense of guilt greatly increased when my oldest son didn’t have the high school grades to get into a four-year college, and he had no particular direction. “I told you so,” the voice in my head would say, “terrible mom.”
 
Journey to Abuse RecoveryA glimmer of truth:
 
Yet, while my son was attending a local community college, he found what turned out to be the perfect university for him. In high school, he wouldn’t have known to choose this university, but at the community college God helped him become academically confident and aware of this better option.
 
I now know that instead of carrying all the guilt, I should have been focused on observing God’s plan for my son in action. Instead of guilt, I should have been praying that He would fix my regrets with His awesome plans.
 
Seeing truth clearly:
 
As I began to step back from my heavy burden of guilt and look at my life more objectively, I began to understand some important things.
 
First, during those days of heavy guilt, I had lost track of the prime objective of my leaving my abuser: to break the domestic violence cycle. The fact is that if I break the cycle and raise Christian children, then I am a good mom. God isn’t asking me to raise smart or athletic children; He is asking me to raise children who are being taught to be kind and to know Him.
 
Second, my children were army kids, moving often while living in domestic violence. This was a very non-ordinary world, but society expected them to function as if their world had been ordinary. I finally understood that it was OK if my son didn’t conform to the typical time lines of his peers.
 
Third, I needed to get those all-important boundaries with my abuser and then get his voice out of my head before I could even see what being a good mother was all about. I finally saw that the foundation to all good mothering was truly loving my children and providing them with my compassionate support over the long term.
 
Time proved that all the material gifts their dad provided wasn’t what my three children deeply cared about. My always being there for them, during all the awkward times of growing up, is what my children really needed. And this was something that, as I healed, I was learning.
 
This weekend my youngest child is graduating from high school and it feels so different than it did six years ago. Over the past year, my daughter’s path to college has been filled with a few curves and unknowns yet my response to these is what I find significantly different. Over the past year I have been able to enjoy watching God guide and direct my daughter towards the path He has laid out for her. Calmly watching God’s plan unfold has obviously been so much more enjoyable and calmer than stressing out and carrying a lot of guilt which I carried six years ago.
 
I thank God daily for allowing me to be a part of His plan to develop and mold my children into the special young adults they are today.
 
Blessings to all,
 
Sue
Believing I Deserved to Be PunishedMy first attempt at reconnecting with my faith started three years before the night my abuser held me in a choke hold. At the time, I had nowhere else to turn; my three-year-old daughter had cancer.
​Here I was, living in the secret world of domestic violence and I find that my baby girl has cancer.  I thought, really? How much more can I humanly be expected to take? Daily, I am verbally or physically abused by my husband, and now one of our children has cancer? I thought the abuse was awful before the cancer news. But, seeing how my abuser couldn’t deal with the harsh reality of his daughter having cancer, the abuse increased three-fold.Keep Reading

Desperate Need for God’s Loving Hug

This week has been extremely hard for me. It was only Tuesday night and I had to close my eyes for 20 minutes prior to talking with my Bible study friends on the phone. Even though it was only 6:00pm, my body felt like it was 10:30pm and I was late for bed.
 
Asking my daughter to set the stove timer and wake me up reminded me of when I used to do nap during my depression phase after I left my abuser. But, that was 14 years ago. 
Dealing with Anxiety from Abusive Relationship​Today, Wednesday, started off okay yet by 10:00am an anxiety attack hit me really good. It wasn’t the anxiety attack where I lose total ability to function; nope, it was like having a 99-degree temperature. Not sick enough to do something, but bothersome enough to be alert and ready to react.
 
Over the past eight hours I’ve alerted my co-workers, my children, and my husband. Something isn’t right in my mind. I went for a walk after work hoping that being outside would awaken my senses and it didn’t. I arrived home just as sad as when I started my walk.

I want to cry yet I don’t have any tears.I want to get mad yet I am numb. 
I am in an uncontrollable, heightened anxiety state and I can’t identify a specific trigger. This feels like a generalized, numbing attack on all my senses.
 
We’ve all been in an unknown world for over three months now. It’s unbelievably hard to stay prepared for all the unknowns! For me, it’s been extremely challenging to navigate all that is going on with my shattered coping skills.
 
As I write this I think “I should give myself credit for keeping some semblance of sanity for this long.” I smile; laugh; and think nah… my low self-esteem doesn’t allow for crediting myself for anything.
 
But writing does lead me to what I know to be true:

Sticking to my morning devotion and prayer time routine is of the upmost importance! There is no way I can process all that is going on in my community and state on my own; I must have God’s truth and grace as my foundation.Assuming these worldly unknowns is reminding me subconsciously of the days when I was constantly on alert due to the unknown mood of my abuser. I really need to filter how much news and social media I am watching and reading.To fill the counter the bouncing and racing thoughts in my head, I need to blast Christian music to drown the thoughts out. Having a Christian song stuck in my thoughts is so healthy, cheerful, and uplifting.I need to remember to write things down as my forgetfulness is hindering many pieces of my life. Writing items down and remembering where I wrote them are two different things; I need to make sure I have a system in place for my notes. 
I’d love to hear any recommendations that are working for others right now. Together I know we can get through this all,
 
Blessings,
 
Sue 
[image error] Lifting the Denial Surrounding Domestic Violence AbuseFor many of us, it’s being brought to the brink of death that provides the strength for us to leave our abuser. For others, we remain in our situations, wishing for the happier days to return, until the children start sounding like our abuser’s and question why we are not doing what we are being told to do. Regardless of what our reason(s) are for leaving our abuser, the significance of the decision is monumental. It signifies that the door to our denial surrounding domestic violence is about to be opened, and the journey to domestic violence survivor has “officially” begun
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Would I Rather This or That?

​Last week, on an otherwise normal morning, I was sitting in my devotion space, carrying on a conversation with God. I usually start my devotion time with a “thank you for allowing me to sleep last night” (sleeping is my new wonder drug) and then deviate from there. Repetitious habit has created a cadence for my devotion time:

- I start off thanking God for specific things he’s done;
- I then move into my conversation about what is bothering me;
- then I start reflecting on turning what is bothering me into prayer requests;- and I end with my specific prayer request for others.Honestly, prior to writing this blog, if you asked me my devotion format I probably would have said “no clue: I just talk with God”. But further investigation into the question that was placed on my heart last week lead me to examine closer this special time of my day. I am glad I see the natural format my devotion time has created! Faith and domestic violenceSo, picture this: I was sitting on the couch as normal; my cup of coffee was beside me as normal; the dogs were lying next to me as normal; and the blinds were open showing off a sunny morning. This morning’s devotion started off extremely normal – nothing indicated that my thoughts were about to be significantly challenged.
 
Here I was rambling on during my conversation with God about what was bothering me. Clearly, I was in one of my talking and totally not listening modes. I was frustrated, worn out, and frankly not happy about something at work. In a nut shell, I had allowed my boundaries to be broken and I was paying the cost with internal frustration. I remember the pleading words “God please fix this mess at work; I am tired and worn out from dealing with it.”
 
I promise there wasn’t a huge voice inside whispering to me; instead there was my voice within my conscious jumping in, policing myself, to ask this simple question: really? You’d trade your job frustrations versus your prayer about God helping so and so with her cancer battle? You’d trade your work problems for someone who is unemployed right now? Trust me, the list of would I rather this or that went on for a strong five minutes.
 
But those questions of would I rather this or that brought me back to the issue of my boundaries being breached. My boundaries are and continue to be the issue at hand; I need to steel plate those fences and stop the rivals from getting close to me. It seems I was tired and just throwing in the towel for God to fix the situation without considering what I needed to do.
 
Which begs the question I was left with: why did it seem like I was trying to ditch the wonderful piece of my life that God had given me? Why did I resent working and not be appreciative of it?
 
Honestly, I thought the grass was greener somewhere else. During those complaining moments, I was more focused on what God hadn’t given me versus what He has.
 
I’m not sharing my story to boast that I have a job when others clearly are without. But what I am sharing is that I took my eyes off of what God has provided me and I wasn’t appreciative. Instead of being grateful and doing what I need to do, trust His word and exemplify His guidance, I reverted back to being an ungrateful servant.
 
I love my devotion time! It is here that I so often listen to my thoughts and align myself with His word.
 
I promise: there hasn’t been any complaining during my devotion time for almost a week now. My devotion time is healthier and definitely more productive as I am focused more on what God has provided me versus what I think I am lacking.
 
I hope passing along my struggle helps,
 
Blessings,
Sue
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​
During the weekend, while I was talking to a small group of women, I mentioned I was a retired Lieutenant Colonel who spent 21 years on active duty. Having left active duty 12 years ago, my hair is now considerably longer and my frame has added a few extra pounds. I am definitely softly spoken now and prefer to stay in the back ground.Keep Reading

Finding Hope While Being Abused

​It’s 9:30 am on a weekend morning and I’m already exhausted. My three children under the age of nine are all awake, fed, changed, teeth brushed and sitting quietly in the living room watching television. I quiver at the thought of them remaining quiet enough as their dad, my abuser, sleeps in the room above.
 
Concurrently, I’ve silently but diligently cleaned the kitchen, straightened up the down stairs, and paid bills all while hushing the children to keep silent with their every move. I would love to sit and enjoy a few minutes with them but I know taking time away from my responsibilities risks a painful punishment.Triggers of Domestic ViolenceThis piece was written originally for BeckyAntkowiak.comSad, cranky, and deflated I continue on with my weekend chores. It’s hard to imagine that this is how married life is supposed to be but without family or friends, I’ve slid into a world of not knowing how bad my world has become.
 
The coils of the bed upstairs creek and I immediately stop. The toilet flushes and the bedroom door opens… by now I’ve stopped breathing. I imagine it is 20 steps from the upstairs bedroom to the bottom of the stairs yet each millisecond is lasting an eternity. What will the look on his face tell me?
 
Did the children wake him up? If so, contingency plan quiet the kids down plan goes into effect.  Could it be he’s hungry? This means operation hurry up and cook him food while hoping the coffee is prepared correctly goes into effect. The worst: he’s hung over and he needs me to come upstairs immediately to get him feeling better. There’s no words to describe this plan.
 
It’s been 13 years since God provided me with a safe strategy to leave my abuser yet with the recent stay at home orders, the memories of these painful weekends are being relived in my mind over and over again.
 
While I was being abused, I was able to work outside the house Monday through Friday. I looked like a tired mother of three young children, but long sleeves always covered the bruises. In theory, no one knew I lived a double life of oppression and brutality. Looking back, my ability to leave the house to go to work, the grocery store, and school events for the children provided me a break from the relentless over watch of my abuser.
 
But with the current stay at home orders in effect, many victims are not able to get away from their abuser at all. Instead, their world has become 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, relentlessly controlling overwatch from their abuser. In a world where many are complaining about the lack of Clorox wipes and toilet paper, there are countless women being bruised and punished for not planning ahead and having ample supply on hand.
 
According to the National Collation for Domestic Violence, one out of four women will be a victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner during their life time. This well documented statistic is before the true impact of Covid-19 is known.
 
Statistics are showing an enormous increase of domestic violence during the coronavirus due to the stay at home orders. With the stay at home orders starting to be lifted around the United States, it’s unpredictable to know how many victims are going to seek help when their abuser’s oversight is lifted. Domestic violence is real and it’s happening all around us behind closed doors. If it’s happening to someone reading this blog, please know you are not the only one.
 
For anyone needing help immediately please consider reaching out to:

The National Domestic Violence HotlineCalled to Peace MinistriesDomestic Shelters 
For anyone who is already distanced from their abuser and is looking for some resources to promote healing, please consider my domestic abuse blog.
 
Please stay vigilant and safe,
 
Sue
Challenges to Recovery​No wonder our journey to domestic violence survivor seems so insurmountable sometimes! When you break down all the pieces that we have going against us, it’s enough to want to just curl up and cry. I didn’t ask for this abuse. I surely didn’t ask for my world to be put on hold while I recover from years of abuse. Other victims reading this blog didn’t willingly sign up for their horrible situations either. Abusers in our world have anger, control, power, and emotional instability problems that they can’t control. It’s not our fault.
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Car Provides Piece of Independence

Last week I looked at my bank statement and saw that my car payment draft was two-thirds lower than what it should have been. I believe this deduction was my last payment; I now own a car free and clear.
 
Six years ago, bankrupt and barely hanging on financially, I walked into a car dealership some 45 minutes away from my house. Embarrassed due to being bankrupt, I thought looking at cars a few towns over would spare me the awkwardness of someone in town knowing my situation.

​Not unlike many domestic violence victims, my abuser had over spent and thrown us into bankruptcy a few years earlier. 
From Victim to Domestic Violence Survivor​My middle child was turning 16; his dad had given him a Durango months ago (which was what I was driving) but upon him obtaining his license, I had to give up the Durango back to him. Talk about embarrassing: my two sons had cars from their dad yet my van couldn’t pass the annual inspection three months prior. I found myself excited for my middle child to obtain his driving independence to be able to move himself back and forth from sporting practice and events, yet panicked as I now lost my ability to go back and forth to work.
 
I had no choice; I had to see how bad the bankruptcy was going to affect me. Memories of being denied a $300 debit card at the Sheetz gas station a year prior still haunted me.
 
The car salesman asked so many questions about what kind of car I wanted. Soft spoken and reluctant to talk too much, I said little. I remember test driving one car I thought was in my price range. What I really needed to do was talk to the loan department is what I told him. I assured him the financial piece was going to be the bigger problem than me finding a car that I liked.
 
The lady working in the loan department was so nice. Turns out she also is a divorcee and victim of bankruptcy; I couldn’t help but be so thankful to God for sending me so someone who truly understood my predicament. Noncommittal but extremely encouraging, she took my information and said she’d contact the various banks they work with first thing Monday morning.
 
Tuesday afternoon I received a pivotal phone call in my transformation from victim to survivor: the loan officer found a bank that would finance the car loan for me. She said it wasn’t for the car that I test drove, but for another, nicer and lower mileage car they had in the car lot. She excitedly asked me when can I come up to sign the paperwork? My kids and I drove up the next day.
 
The tears I cried while signing the paperwork for the car were tears of joy, disbelief that someone believed in me, and utter surprise. God sent me to this car dealership to work with a compassionate person who had walked in my shoes. Confirmation of His love to help me lessen the burden of the financial situation my abuser had left me in was overwhelming.
 
Earlier this week I participated in a Facebook live event with Called to Peace Ministries. The purpose of the event was to bring awareness to and raise money for their emergency fund used to support domestic violence victims as they start their journey away from their abusers.
 
Although I support Called to Peace Ministries financially myself, I also support them by donating the proceeds of my book, Rock Bottom and Faithless: Defeating the Lie of Domestic Abuse with God’s Truth to transportation requirements for victims. So far, I have been able to provide funds to assist two women with purchasing a car; the book proceeds have assisted in providing independence! What a great gift.  
 
If you would like to join me in being able to provide transportation assistance to the women of Called to Peace Ministries, please consider purchasing my book; it’s a great two for one bargain!
 
I pray for safety and calmness to all,
 
Sue Finding Faith while being Abused by my Ex-HusbandWhen I turned to God the night my abusive husband attempted to kill me, I didn’t know what else to do. Clueless and desperate, I was frightened for my life. It seemed obvious that my 18-year marriage to Tom was going to end one way or another. Years of abuse taught me how hard it was finding faith while being abused but I had to believe this time God would listen. After years of handling the situations on my own, I gave up.
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Giving Myself Permission to Rest

​It’s Saturday and I just asked my husband if it was okay to take some quiet time and do nothing today. I continued on by saying “I’m feeling like if I don’t rest my head, I am not going to be good for you and the kids.”
 
Shocker #1: I acknowledged my weaknesses of being in an overload mental capacity and prioritized doing something for myself. As my recent weekly blogs have stated, I am teetering at the edge of a PTSD cortisol mental shutdown (that’s my self-described diagnosis when my ability to function shuts down). Given all that is going on in the world I imagine everyone reading this post can relate. Domestic violence recovery: Permission to RestShocker #2 was my husband’s casual response “of course you can do whatever you want; no need to apologize. Enjoy!”
 
My inability to prioritize taking care of myself stems from my abuser’s relentless pounding lies of how selfish I was, how ugly I was, how worthless I was, and how unloving I was. Twenty-one years of beaten down self-worth followed by years of being a single mom for three children crushed any thoughts of positive self-worth.
 
But now my children are older and no longer an excuse for my undivided time. I am happily married to an unbelievable Christian man who takes great care of me. My faith is stronger than I ever could have imagined.
 
Yet, my self-worth continues to linger behind the abundant, loving life I worked so hard to achieve and now have. Lasting change to my destroyed belief in myself due to the years of emotional abuse seems to be an insurmountable feat. 
 
As I capture these thoughts on paper, I am reminded that God calls on us to rest. The Bible provides God’s specific guidance on resting such as:

Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested form all the work of creating that he had done. Genesis 2:3 There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Hebrews 4:9-10  Then, because so many people were coming and going, they did not even have a chance to eat, he (Jesus) said to them, “come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest. Mark 6:31 
If I don’t want to prioritize resting for myself, then I need to prioritize resting for my relationship with God. I need to remind myself that I can’t hear God’s prodding and guidance if the scrambled thoughts in my head are erratically bouncing around. Rest, calming down my thoughts, is key to being vigilant to where God is taking me.
 
Additionally, rest is giving myself God’s grace, love, peace, calmness, and protection. Rest provides me with the vessel to accept all the wonderful things God’s love provides while letting go of the chains from my abuser’s deeply subconscious lies.
 
I think we all know what we should be doing to rest (eat better, exercise more, turn off electronic devises earlier, doing devotions, listening to Christian music, etc.) and how these do or do not fit our current situations. But none of these things are going to happen or be sustained unless we believe it’s okay to put ourselves first for a few minutes every day.
 
Writing this blog post has been extremely confirming today. What a wonderful way to spend my time resting and getting closer to God’s word.
 
I pray for God’s peace and calmness to be with you all,
 
Sue
Slowing Down to Value My WorldInstead of living for the moment, I spent the first few years of being a single mom hoping and praying that I could get through the day. There was always so much to be done while raising my three little children. My head was constantly racing prioritizing what needed to be done versus what was going to be put off till tomorrow. Driving my children to their events, homework, dinner routine, laundry, and cleaning the kitchen often sent me into a spiral of tears.
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Leaning on God

When I am feeling good with minimum anxiety and stress, I know God is in control. Even when my life turns upside down, I know God is in control; yet during stressful times holding onto this thought is extremely challenging for me. Stressful times bring forward a weakness in me that I am ashamed of. 
Anxiety and Recovery from Domestic Violence - Leaning on GodHere’s my journal entry from last Sunday:
 
I know God is in control. I trust God has had a hand in my family’s world over the past 36 hours.
 
The problem is, the events over the past 36 hours have broken down my boundaries of protections. I don’t know how close I am to going into a PTSD numbness cycle, but I feel millimeters away. Fighting falling into that dark pit, I boldly pray:
 
            “God, you know why this situation is going on. You know how to get us through it. I am leaning into You for calmness.”
 
Just writing these words brought me a sparkle of “it’s going to be okay” in my heart. As I navigate through the next 24 hours, I will hold on tightly to this spark of hope.
           I hope I calm my thoughts down enough so I can hear God’s guidanceI hope I continue to turn to Him versus taking the situation into my own handsI hope spiritual warfare is minimized and defeated sooner than laterI hope my turning to God constantly keeps Him close 
We are all going through uncharted stress and uncertainty right now. As I sat in my quiet devotion place I knew my journal entry was to be shared; shared with a reader who knows they need it; shared with a reader who finds hope in knowing they are not alone.
 
Regardless of our situations, one thing is for sure. If we turn to God, He will meet us right where we are with open and loving arms.
 
I pray for peace and calmness for all my readers,
 
Sue
Feeling God's PresenceMy journey from domestic violence victim to survivor is in its twelfth year. I’ve made huge strides in my recovery over the past five years (aka nervous breakdown year), yet the anxiety within my head has never completely calmed down. But this past weekend, for one of the few times in my life, I felt totally connected to my world for a beautiful five minutes.
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Being Mindful

Last weekend, I caught myself thinking about one thing while doing another. Trust me, I find myself doing this all the time! Yet, this time was different; it was more significant because for the first time, I changed my response.
 
I stopped my thought, realized what I was doing, and redirected my thoughts to my activity.
 
I was being mindful of the moment. Really, really mindful of directing my thoughts to the task at hand.
Domestic violence and faith: Being MindfulThe implication of this one time redirecting my thoughts at first caught me off guard. Then, I realized I just took a huge step forward! A solid step forward in putting up a barrier to my crazy, residual, PTSD, random thought process. It’s one thing to know what I am supposed to be focused on the task at hand, yet it is totally something else to actually catch myself doing it!
 
Imagine the feeling: for those few moments, my mind was calm. My mind and body were connected to the same task. My mind was focused on the task I was performing, not to the other random thoughts that usually room around my head. Shockingly, I felt my body and mind synced up together.
 
Experiencing this goal brought about a unique, tranquil feeling to my day. I’ve spent years and years searching for this one moment; this one connection of my body and mind.
 
I don’t know why this day was unique. I don’t know why after all these years my efforts at calming down my thoughts came together at this one moment in time.
 
But here’s what I do know: having experienced this tranquility, I want more of it. I want my mind and body to be in sync. I want to be more situationally aware of what I am doing and less distracted from random thoughts. I want this calmness to become my new state of mind, not a random, once in a life time experience.
 
Maybe some of the things I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts (sorry to my reoccurring readers) are what pushed me to this new experience. Things like:

Spending time outside actively listening to the birds, staring at the beautiful pictures the clouds are making, and looking at the wonderful flowers blossoming all while thanking God for these beautiful things instead of letting my thoughts race around Spending time on God. Doing my morning devotions, starting a prayer journal, while reading the Book of Proverbs with my bible study friends Limiting my time on social media, reading the news, and being attached to my text app on my phone; calling friends and family members to TALK, make sure they are okay, and offer an ear for those who are hurting 
I really don’t know why last Saturday was the day my mind and body connected in a new way. But here’s what I do know; if I seek God first, He’ll send me a confirmation that He’s close by. And last Saturday’s confirmation was so uplifting!
 
Prayers of safety are being sent to all, 
 
Sue 
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Instead of living for the moment, I spent the first few years of being a single mom hoping and praying that I could get through the day. There was always so much to be done while raising my three little children. My head was constantly racing prioritizing what needed to be done versus what was going to be put off till tomorrow. Driving my children to their events, homework, dinner routine, laundry, and cleaning the kitchen often sent me into a spiral of tears.Read More

Lessons Learned from Lent Season

​I learned a lot from giving up dessert, ice cream, cereal, and other major sugar cravings during Lent this year. Learning About Faith and Domestic Violence RecoveryAs I sit here writing on Easter morning, below are the messages from my heart of how I grew during the weeks leading up to Easter this year:

God never compromised on me yet I compromised on some food items (yogurt with my fruit; whipped cream cheese on my triskets). OUCH.

This was the first thought that came to mind after my morning devotion this Easter morning when I reflected on my “giving up” sugar for Lent. This spontaneous statement isn’t as heroic as great job Sue for giving up some things! Nope, it sounded more like Sue, make a note in your journal for next year as you haven’t mastered this yet. Giving up something I was so connected to did turn me to God many more times during the day!

I found myself talking to God during my snack craving time(s) and He was always there to coach me through my earthly cravings! I experienced multiple special moments when calming you’ve got this messages entered my heart. Regardless of my prayer challenges, life continued to go on. At one point during Lent I asked my husband what the Bible says about being able to adjust our Lent efforts when natural disasters like the coronavirus strike. He looked at me strangely to see if I was joking or not; He told me the Bible says to stick to it. Humm not the answer I was looking for.

But it's so true: regardless of what I am working on in my prayer time, life continues to go on. Boss’ aren’t happy; kids get sick; unexpected bills come in the mail; or something unexpected challenges my anxiety till the ugly cortisol rush arrives. Just because I am striving to do something in my spiritual life the rest of my world continues on in an often distracting (spiritual warfare?) kind of way. I am spiritually stronger with this experience. I started a prayer journal which is probably a really good idea due to my memory issues from my PTSD. I looked back at the beginning of the journal this morning and realized I was repeatedly praying for something throughout this Lent season! So, although I may go back to eating deserts again, the legacy of this Lent season will continue through my prayer journal. As I was reflecting on my spiritual journey, I obtained another layer of guidance on a project I believe I’m being nudged to work on. 
Could I have been more diligent on my diet? Absolutely! But, as I reflect on this Easter Day, I know the season brought me closer to God, closer to my prayer time, and closer to my leaning on God during the turbulence world of the coronavirus.
 
On a lot of levels my efforts proved valuable to improving my quiet time with God. Definitely a lot more valuable than the previous time I tried this three years ago. But, as I reread this draft copy, I’m inclined to maybe continue this spiritual growth I’ve encountered. Maybe I won’t be so quick to end my efforts just because Easter is here.
 
My prayer: remembering the Easter season way past the actual day on the calendar.
 
Blessings and safety to all,
 
Sue 
​Balancing Life Events During Recovery as a Victim​So many non-victims that I share my abusive background with can’t believe the horrific things my abuser did to me. But what I don’t believe I do a good job at describing is that my life continued on as I was being victimized
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Reminders are Lurking Everywhere

Situational awareness of how significantly more dangerous it is for domestic violence victims to “stay at home” with their abusers during these turbulent times is being written about throughout the news. Personally, I am thrilled that our story is getting out. Yet, to me, the awareness is still on the educational level.
 
By that I mean a reporter is explaining the dangers we face staying at home with our abusers, with a noteworthy statistic to prove our existence, but the now what part is kind of left hanging there. From what I am reading (again, my opinion), we are being led to utilize already overburdened community resources. 
Coronavirus and domestic violence triggersWhile the awareness of the plight of domestic violence victims and survivors might be on the rise, mindfulness of their presence in online communities still has a long way to go.
 
The Tik Tok community (a place where a person can upload short videos) has created a mugshot challenge where people deliberately put on make-up to give the appearance of looking rough. People participating in this challenge smudge eye liner, put on runny mascara, frizzle their hair, and or paint fake injuries like bloody noses or black eyes. After the make-up is applied, the video participants pose in a series of mug shot photos just for fun. I surely don’t understand how posing as a potential criminal is considered fun; to me, it’s cruel reminders of my bruised and bloody past.
 
While we will never live in a world perfectly protected from reminders of our past, I’m hopeful that situational awareness will eventually lead to more mindfulness during times like these.
 
A walk around my neighborhood reminds me that families are gathering together during these times of uncertainty. Yet, during the worst part of my hiding behind my abuse, I know for sure my family was the last thing I wanted involved during stressful situations.
 
Honestly, I can’t imagine my abuser losing the control he had to something so unknown like the coronavirus. Take an otherwise stressful living situation and add a lost job or kids staying home 24/7, or running out of toilet paper? Unimaginable. Co-parenting during a time like this? Incomprehensible chaos.
 
So, what are we to do without out our counseling sessions, our jobs, our ability to be separated from our abusers for even a few hours of the day?
 
For anyone needing help immediately please consider:

The National Domestic Violence HotlineCalled to Peace MinistriesDomestic Shelters 
 
For anyone who is already distanced from their abuser and is looking for some resources to promote healing, please consider:

Julie Owens Facebook pageAsk Missy Facebook group:Courageouswoman.liveRebecca Davis’ website HeresthejoyCindy Burrell’ website: HurtbyLove 
Resources On My Site:Deflating my TriggersOverwhelming Anxiety Tackling Depression after LeavingBook Resources
I pray God’s loving arms wrap around each of my reader’s during these unknown and stressful times.
 
Please stay vigilant and safe,
 
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